I went to a big university... what would be called a 'public ivy'. I had white women that actively pursued me for marriage while I was in college. These women were from upper middle class families. I didn't pursue those options... But my younger brother did. He met his wife (she's white) in grad school. She literally chased him down when she first saw him and asked for his number. Her family is worth 8 figures. Her aunt is married into a family with 9 figures. Mating is a learned behavior. Some women are trained how to scout the right men and know how to make an impression.
OOOOHHH, this is really good! It is not my experience at all but I would love to learn more about this. I've heard of it but only when it came to pro athletes. If she came from privilege, why was she hunting him down? His looks? I wonder what she saw as the advantages for her? I do believe mating is a learned behavior, but this scouting concept is eye opening. Thank you for sharing!
@HelenaPaschal According to her on the pre-wedding dinner (the night before). She thought my brother was handsome. He's 6'5" and he works out 5 days a week. He also like jogging which she is into as well. She was an athlete in her undergrad. Even though she came from a rich family. She drove a decade old Subaru Outback that her parents got her brand new when she started driving. They both combined make A LOT of money. When my brother bought a new Toyota Rav4, even though he can drive an S-Class Mercedes if he wanted to. My brother isn't flashy, and he is not into high-end fashion. To be honest, western BW would find him boring.
@RTA6226 Both my sisters are married to educated, successful BM that both earn 6 figures. Here is a twist: both my sisters make significantly more than their husbands too and they are still happy. Most black women would not be happy with a man that they make more money than. My younger sister is executive level with company she works for. Yet when she is home, she always yields to her husband. Ask her something, she'll say, "Talk to my husband."
My momma & daddy did not allow me to go on real ‘dates’ (alone, in a car with the guy driving) until I was 16. Before that - it was more groups of friends going to the mall or a movie. I am glad they were kind of strict tbh.
I’m a Black man married with 2 kids. There was a pretty little blue eyed blonde white girl who had the biggest crush on our son in the 1st grade. She would follow him around and hug on him. It was adorable. This baby girl after school dragged my son over to her mom and introduced him. Fast forward till the end of the yr. We became friendly with the parents and would talk during pickup or drop offs. One day her mother said… Let me take a pic of these 2 together…. It’ll be precious to have a pic of them together as babies when they get married someday. She wasn’t joking or trying to be cute. She was completely serious and thought it would be amazing to chronicle their life together. They were 6! But she had married her high school sweetheart who was someone she’d known most of her life. In her mind her daughter found her future husband. Most people forget that this is how marriages happened for most of modern human history.
I think the key word is two parents. My parents did the same. Were able to advise me (approve/disapprove). Have someone in your corner. Not fear based. Have them experience and become comfortable at discerning relationships. They will develop those expectations and boundaries. The word "boy" should not be an alarm for staying away, but how to socialize and educate.
Thank you for sharing! I have seen two parent homes be far more strict about letting their daughters date young but I believe it depends... that's why I opened it up for discussion so we can stop assuming. As a single mother, I believe my daughter can still be advised accordingly...her dad is also very invested even though we are not together.
I agree. My mom was a single mom but she also taught me how to navigate dealing with men and certain types of young men (criminal, ex-con, inmate, no job/ambition, etc. ) definitely were off limits. I thought it was strict but now I am 32 I appreciate her for what she did.
I like your topics. Keep pushing the conversation. Im a 50+ yr old woman who people think, Im in my 30's. My family is very religious, so no dating was ever talked about. Only morals, values, and the word of god were instilled. I started dating and partying in high school, for some reason, my parents trusted me. I went to college and always had long-term relationships and a few marriage proposals. I felt that I was too young for marriage and children and wanted to live my life freely. I had men of all ages chasing after me when I was in my 20's, 30s and 40's. I moved to ATL in my 30's and thats when dating and meeting quality men went to hell. I stayed too long and now have settled living here. My recommendation for young people is not to get married right out of high school because men are in there prime and want to date and sex everybody. They are not looking to get married at the young age. This is why you see many young single mothers. Meet your husband in college if you want a college educated career person. If not, network with like-minded people to meet your spouse.
If you want to get married then you need to get married from 18 -25 years old. I wasn't encouraged to date until college. My grandmother told me to seek a family man and date in college and do not let my degree define me. Let the man know I wanted marriage. I got married when I was 25 years old. all my friends who waited until they got their two or three degrees still not married in their big house. My grandmother generation women were encourage to get married after high school or college and she met my grandpa in college. Too many women are not encouraging their daughter that having a family is something worthy in addition to the degree. Many teach their daughters that men should have themselves together young too which is false and keeping many from getting married,
Kevin Samuels RIP talked about the sexual marketplace value and he also talked about how white girls emphasized having a relationship and getting married in their early 20s. He was right I saw that all the time in college and even when I got into the work place.
Many of us as black people came from homes where there was financial struggle. The average whites don't have that problem. Black women have learned to be proactive by getting an education so that they can take care of themselves. They don't know how long it will take to meet Mr. Right. People are waiting to marry so they can have something financial to give to their children. I think 10 through 13 is WAY to young to be dating. My parents didn't allow me to date until I was 15. Most of my friends started dating at 15/16. I know high school girls who started dating at 13 and by 18 most of them got pregnant. So there was no college, lots of babies, a lot of financial strife, cheating and either divorce or living miserable married lives. Most of these were white girls. They have never had to deal with racism and usually one of the family members were from suburbia. Blacks were trying to GET to suburbia and make use of opportunities we were allowed to have at the time. I know I'm dating myself. Also, my parents encouraged me not to depend on a man, not because men are bad, but what if he dies and you have a house to run and little ones to take care of?
That's true from my experience, as mentioned. White girls are taught to value marriage, black women are taught to value independence. I wish we could see that without putting each other down. If we want it to change, we have to shift how our values are taught to our children. There are too many women (and men) living with their parents in their 30s and 40s.
No doubt economics and racism coupled with the need for survival drive what we do as black people. We have to operate with a different set of rules and guidelines just to exist in this country.
Living with their parents in their 30's and 40's? I didn't know that! Is the economy that bad? I think there needs to be a happy medium in the black and white races with prioritizing marriage but also independence. Perhaps some of this could be taught in the schools for males and females.
You have made 100% of senses, Queen, within your reasonings and informations to the public. Much successes as you continues in your beneficial and excellent work.
All these so called options, are what is keeping everyone single. No one is going to tick every box. Having too many options are worse than having no options at all because folks never make a decision either way.
@@HelenaPaschal The most desired age is college, but sometimes it happens earlier or later. My daughter met her fiancé in junior high school and they are getting married next year. She turns 23 next year old next march, and I have no issues with them getting married. I believe it is only a debatable topic because as people we don’t value marriage and due to technology folks will always believe that there is something better around the corner because we no longer are restricted to who we see on a everyday basis.
The average man doesn't care if the woman tick many boxes. We don't care about careers, degrees, your bank account. Modern women want those boxes checked. We are very simple and love unconditional. Not the same for women, it's usually conditional. Thats why 80% of divorces are filed by women. It's higher if they're college educated. FYI, I've been married for 27 years the majority of me, and my wife family is still married.
@@TChalla007 I am with you, but with the economy being what it is every bit helps. My wife and I have also been married for 26 years and together for 30 years. I have never counted on her money.. I grew up in a single mother household, but always understood the importance/value of family so I got married at 22 after we had our first child.
I think today's issue is what is taught, are they traditional values or modern western values? Putting career first is a masculine trait. Been married for 27 years. A few years back I refused to think the dating in our community was trash, but it is. Going back to Janet Jackson, "what have you done for me lately" and other R&B singers, now you have sexy red, cardi B, The stallion, Beyounce. These large list over 300 of what a man must do. Minimum to spend at certain restaurants. Black men are checking out.
So true. Most of the values taught today are modern western values. Men and women have fallen for the trap and don't want to know the truth of how to get up out of it. So this is why things will never get better because people don't want to truly solve how to get up out of the trappings of modern western ignorance. Smh
I truly enjoyed your content, because it did not come off demeaning either male or female. an intelligent analysis of both value to the other. Stay strong. Peace
❤❤❤. This concept also speaks to why girls/women are independent nowadays. I was never encouraged as a young lady to allow a boy/man to fully support me. Young people, both boys and girls, were taught to support themselves by way of getting an education and finding a job. Independence was totally encouraged to all. It wasn’t taught in a way that would prepare girls/women to put romantic relationships as a priority, especially financially.
This is a great point! Independence is encouraged almost as a foundation to build on. As mentioned, my grandmother was the biggest advocate for me to focus on taking care of myself and not rely on anyone especially a man and she was married. Why would I think differently if this is how I was raised? Thank you for sharing and understanding.
The problem is balance. Most women don't know how to balance independence and having a marriage. Nothing wrong with having skills to yield a level of independence in case someone dies or leaves you. But a woman still should know how be a feminine woman to the right man.
Often we hear our women talk as though marriage and having a family early in life is a red light to their ambitions. The problem is we complicate simple things. The Christian religion actually supports dating/courtship (but without intercourse) and early marriage (while still a virgin) and marrying the man that disvirgins you. The Virgin Mary was actually living with her fiance, Joseph when Angel Gabriel visited. We say we fear getting pregnants yet we end up as the community with the most single mothers. We have to start educating our daughters about familiy/marriage early in their lives and let them know how to do it the right way and not our ways if we didn't do it the right way...
Excellent point! We do see it as a red flag when young people speak of marriage more than their career ambitions, but this should not be the case. I believe the Bible is intended as a guide, a roadmap. So many black men are no longer reading it which makes it difficult to use as context. We pick and pull scriptures that justify our actions. Overall, I agree with your points. Thank you for sharing, very insightful!
@Paschal The Bible is sure still the best guide and road map. Abandoning it to do things our own way is why we are in the mess we see today. Also, if Black women who actually raise like majority of the Black children today without the fathers they (the BW) picked to have those children with are reading the Bible, that should be enough because like the Bible says: they would train up those children in the way that they should go so that when they grow up they do not depart from it. Even for married couples, the Bible says the faith of one will sanctify the other. Let me also mention the fact that women say they know and can choose who they mate with, but often talk as though they are manikins, putting the blame on men when faced with the consequences of their decisions and choices. There are still far more righteous men on earth than there are righteous women - Ecc. 7:28. Almost 100% of women want to only sleep with 5-20% of the men and this is even worse in the Black community where our women want everything BIG. It is women's refusal to date late alone marry regular Joes, but would wait and line up to sleep with the 5-20% of the men that put pressure on those men to give it to as many women as they like, can and want to. King Solomon for instance slept with at leat 1000 women. And I heard Machine Gun Kelly claims he has slept with at least 2000 women so far in his life. Sexual intercourse that is not rape is mostly on the woman who controls access to sex.
I agree that this is the way it should be but we do not live in a society that demands a husband stay with a wife he has lowered the sexual value of that wife after he decides he doesn’t want to want to be burdened with family duties anymore and wants to leave.
@@eleganceevolved8328 But 80%-90% of divorces are filed by women. and these men were the picks these women who are divorcing them made. Far more women cheat in their relationships/marriages than the number of men who do the same. 1 in every 3 DNA shows a child does not belong to the father/husband/male partner. Sure, there are a few men out there who are jerks,: but for the most part, female "sexual liberation" is what is undoing/destroying women, marriage, and family.
This video beautifully highlights the importance of empowering individuals, irrespective of societal norms. The discussion on Sexual Market Value is a reminder to challenge traditional expectations and embrace diverse relationship dynamics. It's heartening to see a perspective that values personal growth, independence, and choices. In a world often driven by conformity, this channel encourages critical thinking and societal evolution. Kudos for fostering conversations that align with progressive values, emphasizing individual agency, and promoting inclusivity. Looking forward to more content that challenges the status quo and contributes to a more compassionate and egalitarian society. ✊🌈💙
This is a great video. Especially the part about raising your daughter to marry young and encouraging them to date early. I’ve been saying this for a few years and it’s good to hear someone else agree.
Thanks for this information its very useful for someone like me, it was briefly touched on in the cosby show but never expanded, am very grateful that u took the time to expand it especially for us in the Black community let alone immigrants families, write a short book about this directed to the black experience and how useful its to have this information.
Last thing, as black people we haven't been very kind to each other, for whatever reasons, because all of us should have known this knowledge. God willingly now that we're learning, I pray God will allow us to teach this to our children so they can be better suited for the greater genius that is Love, for one another, and our race, as Black People...
I like a lot of things you said in this video. Numder one, THE FORMULA. The Formula is getting with our CREATOR, that"s the start. HE wrote a book about life, the Bible. Now there is so much working again that. So many ways to do this wrong. Most churches are doing it wrong. This world is like, giving us cooking direction on who to drive a car. That's just the start on the formula in this video, and I could go on for a while, but be bless sis.
That's my point. It's terrible because of how we are raised and it's only going to get worse if we don't shift how we raise our children. Best wishes to you.
Thanks once again, Madam Paschal, Its not my place as an outsider to add my opinion. The challenge may lie in the community as a whole, may be community elders as part of the establishment. If the Black American elders could have guided the community as a whole. There is a common saying in Africa that it takes a community to raise children or a child. We often say a child belongs to the entire village not to the nuclear family. In my culture in East Africa, it is the Paternal Aunt who guides and teaches (their nieces) women in their adolescents how to form relationships with males and how to initiate marriages, matters of the bedroom (sexual matters) and matters of intimacy.
My parents are Nigerian conservative Christians so that all means STRICT! I was raised the old school way, no dating at all. However, my parents taught me (in theory and by their demonstration) how to be a wife and what type of man to marry. This kept me grounded and guided my decision-making in choosing a man to be married to. I was also taught to look for a husband as I was going to college. It was important to do both simultaneously. This was pretty much my Nigerian culture back in the day.
Brilliant! Old school is undefeated! Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish I had been raised this way ...to be simultaneous with my decision making. I appreciate your comment, thank you for sharing!
I wanna start by apologizing for my comment yesterday, I feel like I got a little bit too intense, but also I wanna thank you for your words Helena, they really helped, I will stay optimistic So in today’s topic, I wanna say, we were never encouraged to date, I’m the only boy in my family, I have 4 sisters. My parents were always paranoid about pregnancy, so they did all they could to me or my sisters from cultivating relationships. Sadly one of my sisters still got pregnant while in high school due to not really having parental support and love. I’m younger than 3 of my sisters, so I couldn’t really help look out for them, only the 1 that was younger than me. I did my best to encourage them to have meaningful relationships, but my parents were always making things harder. My mom and stepfather are very religious people, and that really sucks Thank you for the topic, though
Thank you! You make a really good point -- even if you have strict religious parents, it won't necessarily stop pregnancy. I noticed that with Sarah Jakes who got pregnant at 13. You're right, some parents make things much harder. I'm trying to find a balance while guiding my daughter to make choices that best serve her and not what I want her to be.
@@HelenaPaschalexactly sometimes mistakes just happens or may I say unexpected events ( imprévu in french my language). I come from Senegal in one of the main religious family Tijani. One of my cousin's had a kid out of wedlock recently but it's just one incident. It has never happened before in my family.
Even in religion it doesn't discourage relationships amongst men and women. I mean doesn't it say to be fruitful and multiply? So I don't understand why religious people act like men and women aren't meant to be together. It's just that they need to be teaching their kids how men and women are supposed to be together in a righteous manner not a worldly one. Smh It's really not that hard. As human beings we make things hard because of traumas and other ignorant thinking. Smh
As socalled Black people, we should promote ❤dating with intentions❤ if we are not doing the Biblical arranged marriages. Other nations marry their high school sweethearts OR are engaged by college graduation 🎓
Just as in commerce, all markets aren't the same and all products have different values per any particular market. There is no ONE market for all products, as all customer groups are not the same. Sexual market value is predicated on the level of exceptionality of your product and it's demand according to all available markets. The main reason ANYONE loses their SMV is because they operate in the wrong markets for far too long.
Wisdom! All the generalizations don't always help because all women are not in the same market and all men are not in the same market. This is very true and should be talked about more.
@@utamu777 There aren't any real profound thinkers in this online-podcast dating and relationship arena. So its going to be a while before they catch up to this OBVIOUS fact. Too many people just copying what they heard due to the incentive of making ADsense dollars.
I'm a bodybuilder so that gives me an advantage over a lot of men. From the youngest to the oldest men, the vast majority are not in shape. Money talks but so does a hard body. I can get women anytime I want but I don't get greedy.💪💪
I don't agree with that at all. I wouldn't date someone based on their career, it should be based on their character, values, and goals and if you can see a life together.
That’s the thing. Majority, not all wasn’t raise to be a wife or raised to be a man. Most men come from a broken family. “Raised my a single mother”. We had to learn along the journey.
You bring up great points. But we have to remember culture differences such as less slut shaming for young women in the white community and when young black women date around they are called fast. White culture is very understanding of youthful mistakes and are more concerned with appearances. Also white men are also being socialized to be the counterpart to “fast” white women. They don’t look down on them for being sexually permissive, they know they have to bring something to the table for the woman’s family to accept them, they are taught to provide, and they are taught to keep the family together. Even if they cheat they stay for the kids even if the wife gets old they stay for the kids and just cheat. White men and white women have a cultural understanding about what they can expect from each other in a marriage. I say all this butt I’m still not sure what we need to do different. I will say that I do think we try harder to maintain a love relationship than family or a marriage relationship. We want to be “in love” forever and that is not guaranteed to last forever. If we not “in love” we quit!!! For example we will be in a relationship for years with no marriage but when we finally get married and have kids it over like that 🫰!! Speaking in general. Speaking from experience 😬
Great video. The Fresh and fit Chanel explains this concept every day to women, but because is a men saying it, they get ofended because they "FEEL" is an attack on them. When in all reality is just the preference of most men.
The men running that channel are clearly dishonorable and have low morals. That's why they are not voices to be listened to. I have no problem staring truth in the face however, thankfully I know godly men who don't only talk about how things should be but live it out themselves.
Man can have preferences all day, but are they living the values they say they want? That's the real disconnect in 2024. People who say they want high-quality and high value versus those who are applying discipline to their lives to be high-quality and high value themselves.
.... This is an absolutely great video... But let's change how it's being said.... Instead of saying" SEX SEXUAL MARKET VALUE" how about saying dating and relationship market value... Because I have seen a lot of women that are older beautiful and that are in shape and that's not the reason they can't find someone long term... But instead they are people who don't want to put in any work or the bare minimum amount of work when it comes to emotional, physical and financial parts of relationships... This is the thing that makes a lot of women. Undesirable....
The issue that plagues the dating world is that men are of value to women based on his money and women are based on her value of her looks. So until we can get past the superficial things and the pool of not just available partners but actual compatible ones is dropping lower was well. I was taught to be a gentleman but unfortunately ran into the ones who didn't like me in the same way. My youngest is not allowed to date because of her mom thinking that she may be taken advantage of but I would allow her to get at least some kind of dates to see how young men her age would show her a good time and for her not to feel like a slave because her mom is super strict.
Thank you! It would be nice if compatibility was more important than superficial things. As we get older, I believe it starts to sink in for some people. It's hard to find the balance of being flexible and strict when raising teens. From my personal circle, my friends who are the strictest were the most off the chain. They are projecting their insecurities and shame on their children subconsciously. Since I had a pretty decent and respectable relationship as a teen, I'm open minded to it. We have to look at why are we being so strict and give them permission with boundaries. Thank you for sharing, I could go on and on ...lol!
I understand what you mean back then people marry younger but my parents like many other parents especially Caribbean parents will say to date after you get a career, instead of encouraging both, career and a spouse. I remember being 19 years old bringing a man to meet my parents he his in the same congregation has I and we can only date in the same Christian faith, my dad was unhappy we wind up not going out at all, they taught I was going to throw my career away for a man who I rarely date they said they did not want me to marry at a young age at 19 because my mom did, what they do not understand is you have to date first to marry and he was not someone I would marry anyways but dating helps socially
Kevin Samuels, was and still is the truth !!!! With respect to you and everything you've talked about, I never knew how important this stuff was. None of my parents or other family members spoke of this, although some of them may or may not have known themselves. Totally missed out on it entirely, I ended up with women who never even truly loved me, and vice versa, only operating on our lower biological functions without understanding real purpose for it all, which is as you said earlier, truly loving & desiring the person not only physically but on a higher spiritual level, which drives the both of you to really want to be dedicated to one another cultivating all the beautiful attributes of real love into perpetuity together, 🙏🏽❤🔥💖🔥💖💯💯💯💯💯...
I know the formula. It's not popular, but it works. It's called the bible, lol. I'm Nota religious zealot of anything but it definitely lays of a plan to follow. Love the context keep it up.
Both my maternal and paternal grandparents were married till death did they part. Likewise, my parents were married until my mother's passing ( she was in her (70's). I married at 20, my brother married at 27. My youngest sibling never married. The rule was no dating till you are at least 16. When I turned 16, my parents did not allow me to date. My father and mother were not confident of my maturity. At least not till I was a little older. Looking back, I'm glad they used their OWN discernment about that. I dated 1 other man, seriously before I was married. Not all or even the majority of women lie about the number of men they've had sex with. The disingenuous BS that women hit the wall in their thirties is sexist and absolutely not true for all. Some women grow into their looks. Some become less concerned as they get older. By most people's assessment, Princess Diana was far more attractive and desirable in her thirties than when she first married. I have an aunt who was made fun of for her looks when she was in high school. she became- by most MENS standards, more desirable the older she became. To this day, you put her in a room with her three daughters who are in their 20s and ALL the eyes are on her. Always. I wasn't asked to model Until after I lost 30lbs AND had birthed three children- long after high school. Do I eat right, workout and go to the gym? Of course. Women, why on earth would you listen to anyone who tells you that you've hit the wall because of your age? That's a sick and distorted way to view yourselves and other women. Recognize projection when you hear it and move forward. Happily unsubscribing P
I may be the wrong person to answer this… I have had a girlfriend since kindergarten 😂😂 My girlfriends would come to my birthday parties and family events. I was also raised by my dad and he was a rolling stone! But my mom didn’t mind me having girlfriends all my life either. It was kinda expected in my environment. 🤷🏽♂️
LOL! Kindergarten?!?...I absolutely believe you Christopher! Ooooh the rolling stone dad...people don't really talk about that. This is very interesting. Thank you for sharing! I agree...the environment has a lot to do with it.
@@HelenaPaschal I was raised in Cleveland Ohio. My parents are both from Atlanta. So all the old school southern ways were typical in my environment. My dad was 31 and my mom was 18 when they met 🤣🤣
Yep. A lot of the Boomer parents messed this up big time😉. Now they're looking up and wondering why they don't have grandchildren and why their kids can't form stable families😉
I'm a Baby Boomer most of us didn't talk to guys till we were 16 or 17 and people Married right out of Highschool , when I was 13 wasn't even interested in boys I probably was still playing with my Barbara doll and dressing her up 😊😅
Dating as a 15 year old Has Nothing ro do with getting married at 24! You should be dating at 19/20 and then pick ONE man by 22 and married at 24/25. I has Nothing ro do with you dating at 14!
LOL! Life does not work like that. If you married the one person you met at 20 when you turn 22 does not guarantee a lifetime marriage. People learn social skills as children and parents can guide and cultivate those skills when they are still in their home. Thinking someone is going to magically know how to interact with the opposite sex when they meet at 20 and start a perfect marriage at 22 is beyond delusional. Good luck with that!
@HelenaPaschal You said you had Two opportunities to be married before age 24 and you didnt date as a youth. And no marriage is 100% going to last no matter what age you start dating.
The state marriage contract is devastating to black men! Even if it is fixed, most men of value will NEVER sign it. And, it's a shame that I will tell men NOT to sign the birth certificate. NEVER! I worry for my grand daughters! All we can do is Pray for our sisters! They are ALL in on what the ppl in control have given them.
I wasn't necessarily taught to date but I was surrounded by marriage within my immediate and extended family. These days I notice most women are taught to "explore" and that they shouldn't focus on marriage. This imo is what has led to so many unfulfilled women in our age group of 35+. Sexual liberation had further destroyed men's desire and need to marry. They can always get milk, no matter the cow. Women are being brainwashed EVERYDAY via social media to believe their "body count" doesn't matter which I think is completely insane. I usually give the analogy...if you're at a bbq cookout and there is only 1 napkin for people to wipe their hands. After they've passed the napkin around the entire backyard and folks have wiped their mouths and hands on that 1 napkin....who do think wants to be last to use it or who would want to keep it and take it home...NOBODY
I'm really trying to follow you, but I think you are way off; first of all, black women have to get 4 things in check. Attitude, Weight, learning what class is, and most of all, being feminine. I travel the world, and these 4 things are lacking in today's black women. I lived overseas for 12 years and invited several of my black male friends to visit me, not 1, not 2, not 3, but all four of the brothers found their wives and are still married it's going on 15 years. When a man sees the essence of a real woman, it's a wrap.
@@HelenaPaschal Why would you even look at it as anyone pointing fingers? I'm merely trying to help sisters out, and now more than ever, to realize your competition is global for the top-tier black men. I grew up with 5 sisters, and being the youngest, they drilled in my head how women don't like a broke, lazy, and sorry man; guess what? I'm in the top 1% of earners; I'm up every morning at 6am and at the gym daily, I can go, but I won't. Was my sister pointing a finger or stating facts. Stop getting butt hurt, women. Black men try and help you women out.
Personally I wouldn’t want my children to start dating until 18. I don’t think they are ready to handle the level of emotions that comes with dating until that age. I wouldn’t want them to get married until after the age of 26. I feel like you know more of what you desire in a mate by then and you have more of life experiences. I would want them to live a life free of responsibilities and get to know themselves well. After 26 is fine. I would also want them to marry someone within their age group. No big age gaps.
Thank you for sharing! I've heard 16 is a starting point and you're right usually at 18 but where I'm from girls were pregnant in their early teens so this approach would've been too late. I'm fine with my daughter having male friends in high school and a boyfriend that me and her dad approve of. Being too strict can lead to girls being off the chain but it all depends on how they are raised. I don't think there is one right answer. I'm interested in the different perspectives, and I appreciate your comment!
I was speaking in regard to the value of building a family. Starting a family when a man is over 50, is not desirable. As of 2022, the life expectancy for African American men was 61.5.
Right now ..I don't think there is anything that you can point to that indicates that BW as a collective want to get married...maybe if WM showed more interest..but I don't think BW want to marry anyone. I think they are okay with selecting a father for their kid(s) and making that situation work.
@@karenmassey8354 BW don’t move or act like a group that values marriage.. You can’t have a culture where” Strong, independent, don’t need no man.” is a slogan and then at the same time claim you want marriage.. that doesn’t add up.
@@nangaeboko6710 Is “strong, independent, don’t need a man” your only reasoning? Are you aware that not all blk women or not all of any women think like that?
@@karenmassey8354 That line of thinking is pervasive in the culture … okay to be fair can you point out something in the culture that has equal impact that balances out the “ strong, Independent and don’t need no man” mindset?
@@nangaeboko6710 Yea, women in church 😂 They’re the antithesis of “strong, independent, don’t need no man”, but I don’t see blk men snapping them up at all. Tbh I think you all just don’t like blk women. There are so many who are the opposite of what you all describe and you completely overlook them.
How would you know what men are looking for if you don’t listen to what they say? A woman can’t answer those questions for you. Maybe that’s why only 1 in 4 of our BW are married.
I think that's part of the problem. We should listen to men since that's the demographic most women WANT to marry. It's problematic to automatically shut out what they have to say but yearn for relationships with them.
Black teenage women unfortunately don't have better options/ I think? Many black Teenage men are raised by single mother who tries her best to set a good example but the teenage Black Son's date with the Goal of A Sexual relationship/not Marriage? So if the Black ⚫️ men are Approaching Black Women for a different purpose how do we expect the women to get Married?
My moma let my lil sister mess around with lil dudes since she was like 12...she messed her up in the head. She's a full blown narcissist and can't have children because my mom's made her have a abortion at 14...No.
Oh wow. Yea that's why I said not teen should be having a boyfriend or girlfriend. If anything you should be teaching them about the opposite gender, sex, marriage, whoredom, etc as well as about themselves as a male or female and then proceed from there.
I went to a big university... what would be called a 'public ivy'. I had white women that actively pursued me for marriage while I was in college. These women were from upper middle class families. I didn't pursue those options...
But my younger brother did. He met his wife (she's white) in grad school. She literally chased him down when she first saw him and asked for his number. Her family is worth 8 figures. Her aunt is married into a family with 9 figures.
Mating is a learned behavior. Some women are trained how to scout the right men and know how to make an impression.
I've seen a couple of black girls navigate like that, too. They both came from loving two parent homes.
OOOOHHH, this is really good! It is not my experience at all but I would love to learn more about this. I've heard of it but only when it came to pro athletes. If she came from privilege, why was she hunting him down? His looks? I wonder what she saw as the advantages for her? I do believe mating is a learned behavior, but this scouting concept is eye opening. Thank you for sharing!
@HelenaPaschal According to her on the pre-wedding dinner (the night before). She thought my brother was handsome. He's 6'5" and he works out 5 days a week. He also like jogging which she is into as well. She was an athlete in her undergrad. Even though she came from a rich family. She drove a decade old Subaru Outback that her parents got her brand new when she started driving. They both combined make A LOT of money. When my brother bought a new Toyota Rav4, even though he can drive an S-Class Mercedes if he wanted to. My brother isn't flashy, and he is not into high-end fashion. To be honest, western BW would find him boring.
@RTA6226 Both my sisters are married to educated, successful BM that both earn 6 figures. Here is a twist: both my sisters make significantly more than their husbands too and they are still happy. Most black women would not be happy with a man that they make more money than. My younger sister is executive level with company she works for. Yet when she is home, she always yields to her husband. Ask her something, she'll say, "Talk to my husband."
We worry too much about superficial stuff, we don't promote family or family values, I truly believe we are done as a people.
Well some of us have children to raise so we can't call it quits. We can come together and start understanding different point of views. It's a start.
Social relationships builds families. Strong individuals relate and build relationships. These individuals make and create families.
@@dyonomitereacher8140 things that make you appear more attractive and successful. Character and values tell you more about someone.
@@dyonomitereacher8140in other words we live in the flesh”..
We are not done as a people, some people are DONE. A small group can do a lot.
My momma & daddy did not allow me to go on real ‘dates’ (alone, in a car with the guy driving) until I was 16. Before that - it was more groups of friends going to the mall or a movie. I am glad they were kind of strict tbh.
This is good to know. Thank you for sharing!
Yep. My mom was strict as well.
I’m a Black man married with 2 kids. There was a pretty little blue eyed blonde white girl who had the biggest crush on our son in the 1st grade. She would follow him around and hug on him. It was adorable. This baby girl after school dragged my son over to her mom and introduced him. Fast forward till the end of the yr. We became friendly with the parents and would talk during pickup or drop offs.
One day her mother said…
Let me take a pic of these 2 together…. It’ll be precious to have a pic of them together as babies when they get married someday. She wasn’t joking or trying to be cute. She was completely serious and thought it would be amazing to chronicle their life together. They were 6!
But she had married her high school sweetheart who was someone she’d known most of her life. In her mind her daughter found her future husband.
Most people forget that this is how marriages happened for most of modern human history.
Great comment I agree about the marriage part.
Wow. I learned from you Helena that desirability and attractiveness are different. Never realized that. Makes so much sense!
👍🏾👍🏾
@nnekaonyilofor My favorite creator! Thank you, that means a lot coming from you!
@@HelenaPaschal ☺️🙏🏾💜
I think the key word is two parents. My parents did the same. Were able to advise me (approve/disapprove). Have someone in your corner. Not fear based. Have them experience and become comfortable at discerning relationships. They will develop those expectations and boundaries. The word "boy" should not be an alarm for staying away, but how to socialize and educate.
Thank you for sharing! I have seen two parent homes be far more strict about letting their daughters date young but I believe it depends... that's why I opened it up for discussion so we can stop assuming. As a single mother, I believe my daughter can still be advised accordingly...her dad is also very invested even though we are not together.
I agree. My mom was a single mom but she also taught me how to navigate dealing with men and certain types of young men (criminal, ex-con, inmate, no job/ambition, etc. ) definitely were off limits. I thought it was strict but now I am 32 I appreciate her for what she did.
I like your topics. Keep pushing the conversation. Im a 50+ yr old woman who people think, Im in my 30's. My family is very religious, so no dating was ever talked about. Only morals, values, and the word of god were instilled. I started dating and partying in high school, for some reason, my parents trusted me. I went to college and always had long-term relationships and a few marriage proposals. I felt that I was too young for marriage and children and wanted to live my life freely. I had men of all ages chasing after me when I was in my 20's, 30s and 40's. I moved to ATL in my 30's and thats when dating and meeting quality men went to hell. I stayed too long and now have settled living here. My recommendation for young people is not to get married right out of high school because men are in there prime and want to date and sex everybody. They are not looking to get married at the young age. This is why you see many young single mothers. Meet your husband in college if you want a college educated career person. If not, network with like-minded people to meet your spouse.
If you want to get married then you need to get married from 18 -25 years old. I wasn't encouraged to date until college. My grandmother told me to seek a family man and date in college and do not let my degree define me. Let the man know I wanted marriage. I got married when I was 25 years old. all my friends who waited until they got their two or three degrees still not married in their big house. My grandmother generation women were encourage to get married after high school or college and she met my grandpa in college. Too many women are not encouraging their daughter that having a family is something worthy in addition to the degree. Many teach their daughters that men should have themselves together young too which is false and keeping many from getting married,
Kevin Samuels RIP talked about the sexual marketplace value and he also talked about how white girls emphasized having a relationship and getting married in their early 20s. He was right I saw that all the time in college and even when I got into the work place.
Many of us as black people came from homes where there was financial struggle. The average whites don't have that problem. Black women have learned to be proactive by getting an education so that they can take care of themselves. They don't know how long it will take to meet Mr. Right. People are waiting to marry so they can have something financial to give to their children. I think 10 through 13 is WAY to young to be dating. My parents didn't allow me to date until I was 15. Most of my friends started dating at 15/16. I know high school girls who started dating at 13 and by 18 most of them got pregnant. So there was no college, lots of babies, a lot of financial strife, cheating and either divorce or living miserable married lives. Most of these were white girls. They have never had to deal with racism and usually one of the family members were from suburbia. Blacks were trying to GET to suburbia and make use of opportunities we were allowed to have at the time. I know I'm dating myself. Also, my parents encouraged me not to depend on a man, not because men are bad, but what if he dies and you have a house to run and little ones to take care of?
That's true from my experience, as mentioned. White girls are taught to value marriage, black women are taught to value independence. I wish we could see that without putting each other down. If we want it to change, we have to shift how our values are taught to our children. There are too many women (and men) living with their parents in their 30s and 40s.
No doubt economics and racism coupled with the need for survival drive what we do as black people. We have to operate with a different set of rules and guidelines just to exist in this country.
Living with their parents in their 30's and 40's? I didn't know that! Is the economy that bad? I think there needs to be a happy medium in the black and white races with prioritizing marriage but also independence. Perhaps some of this could be taught in the schools for males and females.
@@kennethyoung4892 AMEN!
SMV is from Rollo Tomasi 2011. Verified by OKCupid in 2013.
Interesting, I'll have to look into it. I found it to be interesting but didn't find the original source. Much appreciated.
You have made 100% of senses, Queen, within your reasonings and informations to the public.
Much successes as you continues in your beneficial and excellent work.
All these so called options, are what is keeping everyone single. No one is going to tick every box. Having too many options are worse than having no options at all because folks never make a decision either way.
hmmm, I'm not sure how you took that from the video. I wasn't talking about options, I was talking about the most desirable age to lock in a partner.
@@HelenaPaschal The most desired age is college, but sometimes it happens earlier or later. My daughter met her fiancé in junior high school and they are getting married next year. She turns 23 next year old next march, and I have no issues with them getting married. I believe it is only a debatable topic because as people we don’t value marriage and due to technology folks will always believe that there is something better around the corner because we no longer are restricted to who we see on a everyday basis.
The average man doesn't care if the woman tick many boxes. We don't care about careers, degrees, your bank account. Modern women want those boxes checked. We are very simple and love unconditional. Not the same for women, it's usually conditional. Thats why 80% of divorces are filed by women. It's higher if they're college educated. FYI, I've been married for 27 years the majority of me, and my wife family is still married.
@@TChalla007 I am with you, but with the economy being what it is every bit helps. My wife and I have also been married for 26 years and together for 30 years. I have never counted on her money.. I grew up in a single mother household, but always understood the importance/value of family so I got married at 22 after we had our first child.
@@shawn_and_one Congrats brother, but this wasn't about money. It was about realistic expectations.
I think today's issue is what is taught, are they traditional values or modern western values? Putting career first is a masculine trait. Been married for 27 years. A few years back I refused to think the dating in our community was trash, but it is. Going back to Janet Jackson, "what have you done for me lately" and other R&B singers, now you have sexy red, cardi B, The stallion, Beyounce. These large list over 300 of what a man must do. Minimum to spend at certain restaurants. Black men are checking out.
So true. Most of the values taught today are modern western values. Men and women have fallen for the trap and don't want to know the truth of how to get up out of it. So this is why things will never get better because people don't want to truly solve how to get up out of the trappings of modern western ignorance. Smh
Proud to see 1st world women trying
I truly enjoyed your content, because it did not come off demeaning either male or female. an intelligent analysis of both value to the other. Stay strong. Peace
❤❤❤. This concept also speaks to why girls/women are independent nowadays. I was never encouraged as a young lady to allow a boy/man to fully support me. Young people, both boys and girls, were taught to support themselves by way of getting an education and finding a job. Independence was totally encouraged to all. It wasn’t taught in a way that would prepare girls/women to put romantic relationships as a priority, especially financially.
This is a great point! Independence is encouraged almost as a foundation to build on. As mentioned, my grandmother was the biggest advocate for me to focus on taking care of myself and not rely on anyone especially a man and she was married. Why would I think differently if this is how I was raised? Thank you for sharing and understanding.
The problem is balance. Most women don't know how to balance independence and having a marriage. Nothing wrong with having skills to yield a level of independence in case someone dies or leaves you. But a woman still should know how be a feminine woman to the right man.
Very informative thanks for sharing 👍🏽👍🏽
Thank you for watching and your support (as always)!
Keep teaching sister ❤great job
Thank you, I will!
Often we hear our women talk as though marriage and having a family early in life is a red light to their ambitions. The problem is we complicate simple things. The Christian religion actually supports dating/courtship (but without intercourse) and early marriage (while still a virgin) and marrying the man that disvirgins you. The Virgin Mary was actually living with her fiance, Joseph when Angel Gabriel visited. We say we fear getting pregnants yet we end up as the community with the most single mothers. We have to start educating our daughters about familiy/marriage early in their lives and let them know how to do it the right way and not our ways if we didn't do it the right way...
Excellent point! We do see it as a red flag when young people speak of marriage more than their career ambitions, but this should not be the case. I believe the Bible is intended as a guide, a roadmap. So many black men are no longer reading it which makes it difficult to use as context. We pick and pull scriptures that justify our actions. Overall, I agree with your points. Thank you for sharing, very insightful!
@Paschal The Bible is sure still the best guide and road map. Abandoning it to do things our own way is why we are in the mess we see today. Also, if Black women who actually raise like majority of the Black children today without the fathers they (the BW) picked to have those children with are reading the Bible, that should be enough because like the Bible says: they would train up those children in the way that they should go so that when they grow up they do not depart from it. Even for married couples, the Bible says the faith of one will sanctify the other.
Let me also mention the fact that women say they know and can choose who they mate with, but often talk as though they are manikins, putting the blame on men when faced with the consequences of their decisions and choices. There are still far more righteous men on earth than there are righteous women - Ecc. 7:28. Almost 100% of women want to only sleep with 5-20% of the men and this is even worse in the Black community where our women want everything BIG. It is women's refusal to date late alone marry regular Joes, but would wait and line up to sleep with the 5-20% of the men that put pressure on those men to give it to as many women as they like, can and want to. King Solomon for instance slept with at leat 1000 women. And I heard Machine Gun Kelly claims he has slept with at least 2000 women so far in his life. Sexual intercourse that is not rape is mostly on the woman who controls access to sex.
I agree that this is the way it should be but we do not live in a society that demands a husband stay with a wife he has lowered the sexual value of that wife after he decides he doesn’t want to want to be burdened with family duties anymore and wants to leave.
@@eleganceevolved8328 But 80%-90% of divorces are filed by women. and these men were the picks these women who are divorcing them made. Far more women cheat in their relationships/marriages than the number of men who do the same. 1 in every 3 DNA shows a child does not belong to the father/husband/male partner. Sure, there are a few men out there who are jerks,: but for the most part, female "sexual liberation" is what is undoing/destroying women, marriage, and family.
Thank You.
This video beautifully highlights the importance of empowering individuals, irrespective of societal norms. The discussion on Sexual Market Value is a reminder to challenge traditional expectations and embrace diverse relationship dynamics. It's heartening to see a perspective that values personal growth, independence, and choices. In a world often driven by conformity, this channel encourages critical thinking and societal evolution. Kudos for fostering conversations that align with progressive values, emphasizing individual agency, and promoting inclusivity. Looking forward to more content that challenges the status quo and contributes to a more compassionate and egalitarian society. ✊🌈💙
Thank you so much for this! I appreciate your appreciation. It means a lot to me. Thank you for watching and reciprocating kindness!
This is a great video. Especially the part about raising your daughter to marry young and encouraging them to date early. I’ve been saying this for a few years and it’s good to hear someone else agree.
I agree
Thanks for this information its very useful for someone like me, it was briefly touched on in the cosby show but never expanded, am very grateful that u took the time to expand it especially for us in the Black community let alone immigrants families, write a short book about this directed to the black experience and how useful its to have this information.
New Subscriber, Beautiful.... Kevin would be delighted🎉❤😍✊🤗😚
Last thing, as black people we haven't been very kind to each other, for whatever reasons, because all of us should have known this knowledge. God willingly now that we're learning, I pray God will allow us to teach this to our children so they can be better suited for the greater genius that is Love, for one another, and our race, as Black People...
I like a lot of things you said in this video. Numder one, THE FORMULA. The Formula is getting with our CREATOR, that"s the start. HE wrote a book about life, the Bible. Now there is so much working again that. So many ways to do this wrong. Most churches are doing it wrong. This world is like, giving us cooking direction on who to drive a car. That's just the start on the formula in this video, and I could go on for a while, but be bless sis.
LOL! Good analogy...cooking directions on how to drive a car. I'm not going to forget that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
So true. Glad u made this comment.
I’m 36 my wife is 22 I moved to Brazil 🇧🇷 the dating market is USA is terrible
I have friends whose daughters are doing that.
@@RTA6226 doing what
That's my point. It's terrible because of how we are raised and it's only going to get worse if we don't shift how we raise our children. Best wishes to you.
Thanks once again, Madam Paschal, Its not my place as an outsider to add my opinion. The challenge may lie in the community as a whole, may be community elders as part of the establishment. If the Black American elders could have guided the community as a whole. There is a common saying in Africa that it takes a community to raise children or a child. We often say a child belongs to the entire village not to the nuclear family. In my culture in East Africa, it is the Paternal Aunt who guides and teaches (their nieces) women in their adolescents how to form relationships with males and how to initiate marriages, matters of the bedroom (sexual matters) and matters of intimacy.
My parents are Nigerian conservative Christians so that all means STRICT! I was raised the old school way, no dating at all.
However, my parents taught me (in theory and by their demonstration) how to be a wife and what type of man to marry. This kept me grounded and guided my decision-making in choosing a man to be married to.
I was also taught to look for a husband as I was going to college. It was important to do both simultaneously. This was pretty much my Nigerian culture back in the day.
Brilliant! Old school is undefeated! Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish I had been raised this way ...to be simultaneous with my decision making. I appreciate your comment, thank you for sharing!
@@HelenaPaschal You're welcome 😊
I wanna start by apologizing for my comment yesterday, I feel like I got a little bit too intense, but also I wanna thank you for your words Helena, they really helped, I will stay optimistic
So in today’s topic, I wanna say, we were never encouraged to date, I’m the only boy in my family, I have 4 sisters. My parents were always paranoid about pregnancy, so they did all they could to me or my sisters from cultivating relationships.
Sadly one of my sisters still got pregnant while in high school due to not really having parental support and love. I’m younger than 3 of my sisters, so I couldn’t really help look out for them, only the 1 that was younger than me. I did my best to encourage them to have meaningful relationships, but my parents were always making things harder. My mom and stepfather are very religious people, and that really sucks
Thank you for the topic, though
Thank you! You make a really good point -- even if you have strict religious parents, it won't necessarily stop pregnancy. I noticed that with Sarah Jakes who got pregnant at 13. You're right, some parents make things much harder. I'm trying to find a balance while guiding my daughter to make choices that best serve her and not what I want her to be.
@@HelenaPaschalexactly sometimes mistakes just happens or may I say unexpected events ( imprévu in french my language). I come from Senegal in one of the main religious family Tijani. One of my cousin's had a kid out of wedlock recently but it's just one incident. It has never happened before in my family.
Even in religion it doesn't discourage relationships amongst men and women. I mean doesn't it say to be fruitful and multiply? So I don't understand why religious people act like men and women aren't meant to be together. It's just that they need to be teaching their kids how men and women are supposed to be together in a righteous manner not a worldly one. Smh It's really not that hard. As human beings we make things hard because of traumas and other ignorant thinking. Smh
As socalled Black people, we should promote ❤dating with intentions❤
if we are not doing the Biblical arranged marriages.
Other nations marry their high school sweethearts OR are engaged by college graduation 🎓
Just as in commerce, all markets aren't the same and all products have different values per any particular market. There is no ONE market for all products, as all customer groups are not the same. Sexual market value is predicated on the level of exceptionality of your product and it's demand according to all available markets. The main reason ANYONE loses their SMV is because they operate in the wrong markets for far too long.
Wisdom! All the generalizations don't always help because all women are not in the same market and all men are not in the same market. This is very true and should be talked about more.
@@utamu777 There aren't any real profound thinkers in this online-podcast dating and relationship arena. So its going to be a while before they catch up to this OBVIOUS fact. Too many people just copying what they heard due to the incentive of making ADsense dollars.
Sadly, baby momma/ daddy culture is what is promoted and practiced. 😢😮
I'm a bodybuilder so that gives me an advantage over a lot of men. From the youngest to the oldest men, the vast majority are not in shape. Money talks but so does a hard body. I can get women anytime I want but I don't get greedy.💪💪
Hey whats your thoughts on the Ebony K Williams and not dating a bus driver?
I don't agree with that at all. I wouldn't date someone based on their career, it should be based on their character, values, and goals and if you can see a life together.
That’s the thing. Majority, not all wasn’t raise to be a wife or raised to be a man. Most men come from a broken family. “Raised my a single mother”. We had to learn along the journey.
You bring up great points. But we have to remember culture differences such as less slut shaming for young women in the white community and when young black women date around they are called fast. White culture is very understanding of youthful mistakes and are more concerned with appearances. Also white men are also being socialized to be the counterpart to “fast” white women. They don’t look down on them for being sexually permissive, they know they have to bring something to the table for the woman’s family to accept them, they are taught to provide, and they are taught to keep the family together. Even if they cheat they stay for the kids even if the wife gets old they stay for the kids and just cheat. White men and white women have a cultural understanding about what they can expect from each other in a marriage. I say all this butt I’m still not sure what we need to do different. I will say that I do think we try harder to maintain a love relationship than family or a marriage relationship. We want to be “in love” forever and that is not guaranteed to last forever. If we not “in love” we quit!!! For example we will be in a relationship for years with no marriage but when we finally get married and have kids it over like that 🫰!! Speaking in general. Speaking from experience 😬
Great video. The Fresh and fit Chanel explains this concept every day to women, but because is a men saying it, they get ofended because they "FEEL" is an attack on them. When in all reality is just the preference of most men.
The men running that channel are clearly dishonorable and have low morals. That's why they are not voices to be listened to. I have no problem staring truth in the face however, thankfully I know godly men who don't only talk about how things should be but live it out themselves.
Man can have preferences all day, but are they living the values they say they want? That's the real disconnect in 2024. People who say they want high-quality and high value versus those who are applying discipline to their lives to be high-quality and high value themselves.
.... This is an absolutely great video... But let's change how it's being said.... Instead of saying" SEX SEXUAL MARKET VALUE" how about saying dating and relationship market value... Because I have seen a lot of women that are older beautiful and that are in shape and that's not the reason they can't find someone long term... But instead they are people who don't want to put in any work or the bare minimum amount of work when it comes to emotional, physical and financial parts of relationships... This is the thing that makes a lot of women. Undesirable....
10:27 my daughter turned 14 on Monday.
The issue that plagues the dating world is that men are of value to women based on his money and women are based on her value of her looks. So until we can get past the superficial things and the pool of not just available partners but actual compatible ones is dropping lower was well.
I was taught to be a gentleman but unfortunately ran into the ones who didn't like me in the same way. My youngest is not allowed to date because of her mom thinking that she may be taken advantage of but I would allow her to get at least some kind of dates to see how young men her age would show her a good time and for her not to feel like a slave because her mom is super strict.
Thank you! It would be nice if compatibility was more important than superficial things. As we get older, I believe it starts to sink in for some people. It's hard to find the balance of being flexible and strict when raising teens. From my personal circle, my friends who are the strictest were the most off the chain. They are projecting their insecurities and shame on their children subconsciously. Since I had a pretty decent and respectable relationship as a teen, I'm open minded to it. We have to look at why are we being so strict and give them permission with boundaries. Thank you for sharing, I could go on and on ...lol!
@@HelenaPaschal you're doing an amazing job as a parent and it's great that your daughter takes your advice as well. Then teenage years are difficult
I understand what you mean back then people marry younger but my parents like many other parents especially Caribbean parents will say to date after you get a career, instead of encouraging both, career and a spouse. I remember being 19 years old bringing a man to meet my parents he his in the same congregation has I and we can only date in the same Christian faith, my dad was unhappy we wind up not going out at all, they taught I was going to throw my career away for a man who I rarely date they said they did not want me to marry at a young age at 19 because my mom did, what they do not understand is you have to date first to marry and he was not someone I would marry anyways but dating helps socially
Kevin Samuels, was and still is the truth !!!! With respect to you and everything you've talked about, I never knew how important this stuff was. None of my parents or other family members spoke of this, although some of them may or may not have known themselves. Totally missed out on it entirely, I ended up with women who never even truly loved me, and vice versa, only operating on our lower biological functions without understanding real purpose for it all, which is as you said earlier, truly loving & desiring the person not only physically but on a higher spiritual level, which drives the both of you to really want to be dedicated to one another cultivating all the beautiful attributes of real love into perpetuity together, 🙏🏽❤🔥💖🔥💖💯💯💯💯💯...
I know the formula. It's not popular, but it works. It's called the bible, lol. I'm Nota religious zealot of anything but it definitely lays of a plan to follow. Love the context keep it up.
Hiiiiiii beautiful queen 🙌
I noticed that women lose their libidos quite young, even in their 30's.
Both my maternal and paternal grandparents were married till death did they part. Likewise, my parents were married until my mother's passing ( she was in her (70's). I married at 20, my brother married at 27. My youngest sibling never married. The rule was no dating till you are at least 16. When I turned 16, my parents did not allow me to date. My father and mother were not confident of my maturity. At least not till I was a little older. Looking back, I'm glad they used their OWN discernment about that. I dated 1 other man, seriously before I was married.
Not all or even the majority of women lie about the number of men they've had sex with.
The disingenuous BS that women hit the wall in their thirties is sexist and absolutely not true for all. Some women grow into their looks. Some become less concerned as they get older. By most people's assessment, Princess Diana was far more attractive and desirable in her thirties than when she first married.
I have an aunt who was made fun of for her looks when she was in high school. she became- by most MENS standards, more desirable the older she became. To this day, you put her in a room with her three daughters who are in their 20s and ALL the eyes are on her. Always.
I wasn't asked to model Until after I lost 30lbs AND had birthed three children- long after high school. Do I eat right, workout and go to the gym? Of course.
Women, why on earth would you listen to anyone who tells you that you've hit the wall because of your age? That's a sick and distorted way to view yourselves and other women.
Recognize projection when you hear it and move forward.
Happily unsubscribing
P
I may be the wrong person to answer this… I have had a girlfriend since kindergarten 😂😂 My girlfriends would come to my birthday parties and family events. I was also raised by my dad and he was a rolling stone! But my mom didn’t mind me having girlfriends all my life either. It was kinda expected in my environment. 🤷🏽♂️
LOL! Kindergarten?!?...I absolutely believe you Christopher! Ooooh the rolling stone dad...people don't really talk about that. This is very interesting. Thank you for sharing! I agree...the environment has a lot to do with it.
@@HelenaPaschal I was raised in Cleveland Ohio. My parents are both from Atlanta. So all the old school southern ways were typical in my environment. My dad was 31 and my mom was 18 when they met 🤣🤣
Uhh Helena you have another book of life stories in you (although quite sad) the outcome interesting nonetheless…
I think I have a series of books in me...it is sad. I'm hoping to shed some light to make the tough life lessons worth it.
Yeah, Al Pacino, Richard Gere, Robert De Niro who had a 28 year old gf have low status. There in their 80s.
They are men with a high status regardless of their age. As mentioned, women are attracted to status.
Yep. A lot of the Boomer parents messed this up big time😉. Now they're looking up and wondering why they don't have grandchildren and why their kids can't form stable families😉
I'm a Baby Boomer most of us didn't talk to guys till we were 16 or 17 and people Married right out of Highschool , when I was 13 wasn't even interested in boys I probably was still playing with my Barbara doll and dressing her up 😊😅
Dating as a 15 year old Has Nothing ro do with getting married at 24! You should be dating at 19/20 and then pick ONE man by 22 and married at 24/25. I has Nothing ro do with you dating at 14!
LOL! Life does not work like that. If you married the one person you met at 20 when you turn 22 does not guarantee a lifetime marriage. People learn social skills as children and parents can guide and cultivate those skills when they are still in their home. Thinking someone is going to magically know how to interact with the opposite sex when they meet at 20 and start a perfect marriage at 22 is beyond delusional. Good luck with that!
@HelenaPaschal You said you had Two opportunities to be married before age 24 and you didnt date as a youth. And no marriage is 100% going to last no matter what age you start dating.
@@johncarter5707 Correction, I did date as youth. I started dating at 13. I had a high school boyfriend and a college boyfriend.
9:23 I'm the youngest so by the time it got to me, it didn't matter anymore.
The state marriage contract is devastating to black men! Even if it is fixed, most men of value will NEVER sign it. And, it's a shame that I will tell men NOT to sign the birth certificate. NEVER! I worry for my grand daughters! All we can do is Pray for our sisters! They are ALL in on what the ppl in control have given them.
I wasn't necessarily taught to date but I was surrounded by marriage within my immediate and extended family. These days I notice most women are taught to "explore" and that they shouldn't focus on marriage. This imo is what has led to so many unfulfilled women in our age group of 35+. Sexual liberation had further destroyed men's desire and need to marry. They can always get milk, no matter the cow. Women are being brainwashed EVERYDAY via social media to believe their "body count" doesn't matter which I think is completely insane. I usually give the analogy...if you're at a bbq cookout and there is only 1 napkin for people to wipe their hands. After they've passed the napkin around the entire backyard and folks have wiped their mouths and hands on that 1 napkin....who do think wants to be last to use it or who would want to keep it and take it home...NOBODY
I'm really trying to follow you, but I think you are way off; first of all, black women have to get 4 things in check. Attitude, Weight, learning what class is, and most of all, being feminine. I travel the world, and these 4 things are lacking in today's black women. I lived overseas for 12 years and invited several of my black male friends to visit me, not 1, not 2, not 3, but all four of the brothers found their wives and are still married it's going on 15 years. When a man sees the essence of a real woman, it's a wrap.
Pearch!!
This video is not about pointing the finger, it's about accountability and understanding. A new concept for some.
@@HelenaPaschal Why would you even look at it as anyone pointing fingers? I'm merely trying to help sisters out, and now more than ever, to realize your competition is global for the top-tier black men. I grew up with 5 sisters, and being the youngest, they drilled in my head how women don't like a broke, lazy, and sorry man; guess what? I'm in the top 1% of earners; I'm up every morning at 6am and at the gym daily, I can go, but I won't. Was my sister pointing a finger or stating facts. Stop getting butt hurt, women. Black men try and help you women out.
Personally I wouldn’t want my children to start dating until 18. I don’t think they are ready to handle the level of emotions that comes with dating until that age. I wouldn’t want them to get married until after the age of 26. I feel like you know more of what you desire in a mate by then and you have more of life experiences. I would want them to live a life free of responsibilities and get to know themselves well. After 26 is fine. I would also want them to marry someone within their age group. No big age gaps.
Thank you for sharing! I've heard 16 is a starting point and you're right usually at 18 but where I'm from girls were pregnant in their early teens so this approach would've been too late. I'm fine with my daughter having male friends in high school and a boyfriend that me and her dad approve of. Being too strict can lead to girls being off the chain but it all depends on how they are raised. I don't think there is one right answer. I'm interested in the different perspectives, and I appreciate your comment!
@@HelenaPaschal of course I love the dialogue ❤️
Men don't devalue with age, our value increases in our 50s because that's when we have the most money
I was speaking in regard to the value of building a family. Starting a family when a man is over 50, is not desirable.
As of 2022, the life expectancy for African American men was 61.5.
@@HelenaPaschal we can have children until the casket drops, so that's not true either. Tons of men meet young women and start all over again.
Damn I wonder why men forget about ED. After a certain age a man can not perform. He hits the wall
@@CaramelCali I believe it's called being delusional. Men are experiencing this earlier than ever. It's a reality, they just don't talk about it.
@@yohanceamir224 that may be your experience but it's not true. Black men are more likely to deal with ED as they get older.
Right now ..I don't think there is anything that you can point to that indicates that BW as a collective want to get married...maybe if WM showed more interest..but I don't think BW want to marry anyone. I think they are okay with selecting a father for their kid(s) and making that situation work.
I see a lot of men say this. What makes you believe this?
@@karenmassey8354 BW don’t move or act like a group that values marriage.. You can’t have a culture where” Strong, independent, don’t need no man.” is a slogan and then at the same time claim you want marriage.. that doesn’t add up.
@@nangaeboko6710 Is “strong, independent, don’t need a man” your only reasoning? Are you aware that not all blk women or not all of any women think like that?
@@karenmassey8354 That line of thinking is pervasive in the culture … okay to be fair can you point out something in the culture that has equal impact that balances out the “ strong, Independent and don’t need no man” mindset?
@@nangaeboko6710 Yea, women in church 😂 They’re the antithesis of “strong, independent, don’t need no man”, but I don’t see blk men snapping them up at all. Tbh I think you all just don’t like blk women. There are so many who are the opposite of what you all describe and you completely overlook them.
Good vid and Shoutout to the Godfather Kevin Samuels RIP
He got it from kevin samuels smh
He got it from someone else, too.
@@HelenaPaschal You right. But who?
Are you familiar with andropause?
Yes, I don't know how it relates to women in their early twenties.
@@HelenaPaschal andropause levels the playing field, in relation to women allegedly and supposedly hitting the wall.
@@kevinfolds4713 Interesting, what are your thoughts specifically about it?
Dudes be on dates just lying to lie.
About stuff that's easy to disprove.
Was your date name Kevin S 🤡
Kevin did not create this concept. He made more blacks aware of it. Big difference in creating and sharing information.
Say his name Kevin Samuels
You just did. I was not a follower.
Never listen to men on these comments
LOL! I'm always interested in what they have to say as long as it isn't trying to tear us down.
How would you know what men are looking for if you don’t listen to what they say? A woman can’t answer those questions for you. Maybe that’s why only 1 in 4 of our BW are married.
LOL, but believe all women. Funny how you listen to Stev Harvey all day long.
Smh “Ms lady” that’s the kind of attitude that keeps women single
I think that's part of the problem. We should listen to men since that's the demographic most women WANT to marry. It's problematic to automatically shut out what they have to say but yearn for relationships with them.
Black teenage women unfortunately don't have better options/
I think? Many black
Teenage men are raised by single mother who tries her best to set a good example but the teenage Black Son's date with the Goal of
A Sexual relationship/not
Marriage? So if the
Black ⚫️ men are
Approaching Black
Women for a different purpose how do we expect the women to get
Married?
Train her how to not act like a 304 and to not give in to men she is not married too.
My moma let my lil sister mess around with lil dudes since she was like 12...she messed her up in the head. She's a full blown narcissist and can't have children because my mom's made her have a abortion at 14...No.
Oh wow. Yea that's why I said not teen should be having a boyfriend or girlfriend. If anything you should be teaching them about the opposite gender, sex, marriage, whoredom, etc as well as about themselves as a male or female and then proceed from there.