Why I stayed in a sexless marriage for 7 years in my 20s (unscripted)
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- čas přidán 20. 05. 2023
- With a long intro and background, essential to the story but that should lose the wrong people quickly. I recently told this story to some people face to face, and they found it helpful for their situations, so I'm also sharing it here.
This was between 2007-2014, long before I had healthy boundaries and self esteem, before I became a dating coach. A very different life. Please check out my other videos which share the lessons I've learned since then.
You can contact me at:
Instagram: / busybecomingmyself
or click on the Business Enquiries email link on the About page
#relationships #marriage #divorce #deadbedroom #intimacy #lowselfesteem #selfworth #selfrespect #sexlessmarriage #libido #redpill #dating
What a fantastic video. You relay your pain and sadness incredibly well. Before I get into what I want to say, I just want to give you a bit of an internet stranger pat on the back. You're a good-looking dude with a strong resolve and you have a lot to offer a woman.
I am a married man. I've been with my wife for 15 years now, married for 7. I want to impart a bit of wisdom onto some of the younger viewers, because I think I've learned a thing or two about what it takes to navigate the incredibly complex "desire gap" that shows up in just about every marriage on the planet. It either shows up early in the relationship/marriage (like in your case), or over time you'll start to notice it here and there. The ultimate cruelty of partnership that young men (and women) aren't told about is this: sex becomes progressively more difficult the deeper you get into the marriage. It requires an escalating amount of work and commitment to maintain it as a core feature of the love shared by two people. There are exceptions to this rule, for sure, but between my own marriage and the marriages of friends that I've witnessed, it's almost a certainty that you will run into this issue at some point.
My wife and I are still enjoying sexual contact 1-2x a week at our age. I'm 38 and she's 43. The number one thing to ask yourself about your relationship if you find that you've ended up in a low-sex or sexless marriage is the following: Can I talk to them about sex? Do they allow me the space to discuss my dissatisfaction with our sexual dynamic? Or do they shut down, gaslight, tell me "you've just set us back" or try to hand-wave the issue as a "problem I'm having" versus a "problem we're having together." If you find that you can't even TALK to your spouse about difficult things like sex (much less have sex at all), you are in a bad relationship, and outside intervention is crucial. Suggest couples therapy. If they wrinkle their nose at that option, figure out how to unwind the marriage. Life is much too short to waste it on the hope or expectation that people will change. People never, ever, EVER change at the behest of someone else. They change because they've decided they want to.
My wife is not a raging sex-freak who wants to act out porn scenes or sit on my face after dinner or anything like that. She's got responsive desire, which means it's often on me to "warm her up" to sexual contact. We have 3 or 4 very specific things we like to do together. Sometimes it's mutual masturbation in the shower. Sometimes she wants to feel my arms around her while I we have sex. And yeah, sometimes she gets "warmed up" enough to enjoy more aggressive, rough, dominating sex. Hair-pulling or spanking or what have you. Finding the overlap in what turns us on has been a process for the entire relationship, all 15 years of it. We're still working on it. She's a very private, introverted person. She shares none of this stuff with anyone but me, which makes me feel special and deepens my love for her.
The only way we were ever able to get to this kind of happy medium is through communication. You have to be able to talk about this stuff with your partner. If you feel like you're getting punished for talking about your feelings - especially in a non-judgmental way - you are in a relationship that's going to suck the life out of you bit by bit. Find a way to leave. Having kids and shared finances makes it much more difficult, for sure. But there's always a way out. You just have to choose it for yourself.
I'm continuing to choose my wife every single day. And she chooses me back, in her own way. There may come a day when we stop making the efforts for each other, and if that happens, I may end up leaving the marriage. But that's OK, too. As you say in the video, we all end up as different people than we were when we started the journey. It's OK to grow apart and want different things.
Best of luck, my dude. You'll be alright.
This could be the best comment ever written on my channel. Thank you.
May I screenshot it to bring attention to it? Maybe use it on the community page or potentially in a future video? It's truly excellent and more people need to see it.
@@busybecomingmyself Absolutely, and I'm glad you found it helpful!
I concur ~ Communication is key
I'm a female and this is a truly phenomenal comment. Thank you for being honest and telling the truth. All the best to you and your wife!
Wow don't ever underestimate the quality of a man you are...and ever allow someone else to determine your value. Your emotional intelligence developed through this journey of desert pain will serve you for future years. The wold is full of narcissistic manipulation and evil controle.. You deserve someone special...pray God will assist in this way and make your healing complete.
You don't get the relationship you want, you get the relationship you tolerate.
Yes. People only treat us as badly as we let them. I just had low expectations and standards and never thought I could get any better than what I'd experienced.
One might also say, you get the relationship you think you deserve. I have been in really bad relationships. I didn’t at the time, due to low self esteem, understand that I deserved so much better.
pick me up mr. busy , i dont want to sleep alone
Love is not a relationship. It's a state of your being.
@@user-wf4nl2yy8x relationships don't have to be based on love. Whatever the basis of the relationship, you get what you tolerate.
Experienced divorce attorney here. In a majority of divorce cases the couple has not been intimate with each other for years before someone files for divorce. Sad but true.
Ah, I've seen you as a guest on some of the channels I follow. It's great that our paths crossed this way. Subscribed.
@@busybecomingmyself Thank you!
I always love watching your videos!!
So damn true regarding sex. I told my wife prior to marriage that sex is very important and without it the relationship dies. For some reason there are people out there that think it’s not important. I don’t know who would tell them?
Truth. Almost the entirety of our 10 year total relationship (half married), we are now in divorce process. Any intimacy in this regard ended shortly after our honeymoon, it stopped altogether a year later when I was diagnosed with cancer. And now he acts shocked that I filed for divorce after I begged and pleaded him to seek counseling together, had handed him an uncontested divorce with me wiling to walk away from all assets a year prior-only for him to promise and beg to reconsider and that he would do anything to save our marriage. Yet, in the end, he did absolutely nothing but spread a massive smear campaign in that time while continuing to promise without action, causing me more and more emotional distress.
"I wanted sex to be bonding...I wanted it to mean something." I completely get this.
Amen, bro!
I love this!
I can't believe I'm hearing a man say that?! It's a miracle.
@@EstrellaO-2023 it isn't. I'm not saying it's the majority but there are plenty of men who think like this. Whether you notice them or are attracted to them is another matter.
Yes
People just want sex for bad reason and its hard to know it
It hurts and its not right
Bro, mad respect to you for having the courage to openly talk about this so honestly… many many men suffer in total silence
I did too, until the very end. I thought it would be a breach of her privacy to talk about it with anyone for almost the whole time.
Many women suffer in silence too.
Wow! Woman suffer in silence as well.
Absolutely and it's sad. As a woman, I'm always trying to encourage my guy friends not to feel ashamed. No one can advocate for you, the way you can advocate for yourself. Anybody who tries to make fun of men for having fun. Some of us women will support you.
@@Mineshine89Way to make it about you. This isn't about you. Yes of course, women suffer in silence as well; but you cannot deny that there are way more platforms and forums for women to share their feelings and we are not ashamed for being vulnerable the way men are. Just like I can't stand it when men interject their own experiences onto women's experiences? Same goes for you. Shame on you for this comment seriously.
“No one else wants me, she must be the one”. Too many men think like this and get trapped in toxic relationships
Jeez, I am so so sorry it’s so weird cause I am a woman and if one man doesn’t want me sexually I already know there are others that do I’ve never felt like the one guy I was with is the only one who wanted me I always knew others wanted me.
But I am so sorry that you men got through this. And trust me when I tell you other women will want you.
Most of us men HAVE to settle for whatever woman will have us.
@@BloodyHeck baby noooooooo you can’t have that mentality. Write down the type of woman you desire and present it to the Lord.
@@cortezconquistador I presented him with the request of having a woman that wasn't crazy but he said that was beyond his ability. He offered to create my own galaxy for me though.
That’s just people in general
Bro was giving her back massage and trip to exotic locations, and still… she didn’t want him. You did a good thing by leaving, and taking back your life.
Exploitation indeed - honestly sounds like she couldn't make herself happy too, a massive top tier red flag.
this is brutal... because he is not even a bad looking guy.
imagine all the other stories like this that are never told.
Most men are happy to be with their woman. But for a woman to be happy, she needs a whole lot of different things besides her man.
His feelings are definitely valid. But you have to remember that women face different trauma compared to men when it comes to sex. There can be a million reasons. Maybe she just did not enjoy it. Maybe she hurt, maybe he was rough. We don't know. Women don't really talk about it if they experience pain during intercourse, because they feel ashamed and think they just have to endure it. Communication is key in that regard, but so many people are really bad with it
@@sven888 Exactly, I had a similar experience for years and it's absolutely true that both partners must be of their of abundance of life and happiness outside of the relationship that compliments such. The main source of happiness cannot just be the relationship or there is codependency that's quite volatile and causes a self-neglect in a sense. Maybe I'm biased being a guy, but I do hear a lot of stories that the guy seems to have his own sources of happiness but the girl doesn't for some reason - might fall into that trap of trying to fill her void that she is supposed to fill herself. It's important the man provides the natural things she cannot provide for herself and vice versa - physical and psychologically in the prosperous / survival department. Things obviously nature intended hunter gatherers to collaborate on.
What a HANDSOME, smart an articulate man. Most women would die to have someone with all these qualities, who’s also so committed!! Wow! Sounds like she was in total denial and very selfish!! What a waist of all those years! Glad you are free from her and that relationship. I hope you have someone in your life now who loves and appreciates you for ALL the amazing qualities you possess. You deserve to have a HAPPY, HEALTHY, relationship and life. All the best to you.
*waste
Your waist is just under your rib cage.
Couldn’t agree more, I was thinking exactly the same thing’s while watching this! She was clearly toxic and mentally unhealthy.
Oh god I m into this relationship same same two kids but
you have no idea how that guy's character really is
She made this guy! There's experiences you just have to go through in order to form your true personality
No intimacy in a marriage, including no sex for months or years on end is absolutely soul destroying. When the withholding spouse doesn't want to seek therapy for their problems/sin/issues then they clearly don't love you. Very difficult for someone to fathom if they've never experienced this rejection or neglect within a marriage.
‘Neglect’. Yeah that’s a great word to use here. To neglect something is to loose interest, to not care, to have no real feeling or opinion about. Looking at this with some detachment the withholding spouse, in my case, lost interest in me about 9 years ago - I am not the shiny new penny - it’s like living with a magpie or a squirrel, constantly distracted by objects that have no value other than they are new. This has, and continues to destroy me, to a point that I have absolutely no life whatever - but my ‘problems’ can only be solved with my solutions and that is true for all of you out there. But walking away is not that easy-as you all know.
Good luck to you. ‘And above all, don’t pity the dead, pity the living, especially those that live without love…..”
This is a very attractive man and I can't speak for his wife. For me, pornography is a HUGE turn off and I no longer desire sex with a man because of it.
he is not attractive and no offence to him @@nunyabizness573
@@nunyabizness573I’m pretty sure my ex-wife was involved with watching porn. In the end her choice of car was more important than I was.
Pornography is more damaging than drugs. I’m in recovery from substances and I know people that have pornography issues. It’s wild to see the change in them. Even after abstinence from it.
Being rejected by the person you are committed to choosing hurts like hell💔
This man is the total package! May he find someone who truly deserves him.
How do you know that?! Theres 2 sides to every story
@@user-pg7cx9wo1m well we heard one side, and this is the case in most marriages
Don’t get married
@@Garett.1214 well said
I think withholding of sex is abuse. It is cruel. This happened to me for over 20 years until I decided to divorce. Just wish I’d done it sooner.
It is absolutely abuse.
It is abuse
Withholding sex is definitely abuse.
It's comparable to withholding food.
There is no concern for life, but it's messing with someone's physiology.
It is a sadistic type of abuse. I went through it as a woman as well and divorced over it in the end, after cheating and other types of abuse. This one was the final straw. Then I met a younger, better looking and amazing man. 🤣🤣🥰🥰😍😍
I believe love is innate.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm going through a divorce right now. I stayed in a sexless marriage for 10 years (got married when I was 22). I felt the same way, unwanted, unloved, and rejected because the person I loved the most didn't touch me. I tried everything I could to get him to see me. I changed my appearance, started to dress the way he liked, and tried to have the same interests. I changed myself to fit into his life and he still never noticed me. A couple of years into the marriage I gave up and thought that love was enough to keep us together. I already had low self-esteem, it only got worse with time. I totally lost myself, my identity, and my joy in living in a dysfunctional relationship. Last month we decided to get a divorce. I’m working on myself at the moment releasing all the pain and trauma. I’m discovering myself again, what I like, who I am without him. Thank you for doing this video, it was very helpful.
Thank you for your comment. I'm glad it was helpful to you.
It is a terrible hurt when the one you think you are supposed be with forever doesn't want to touch you any longer. Even worse when they bristle at just a brief caress. I understand your hurt.
If thats the case ..why did u get married in the first place¿
Oh God his story and your story ... So many similarities to my story. God bless you both. So much pain I have experienced and rejection. He also did not want to have chilidren.
@@pannanikt333 I mean did u not talk about this before getting married? Why did u get married in the first place,?
I want to cry watching this. I want a man like you but she had you and couldn’t even realize how great you are. If only I met someone who has the emotional depth you have.
I agree it is exactly that the “emotional depth” he has is so rare
Sometimes people just don't match very well. Doesn't have to mean that any of them are bad. Haven't wathed the video, so don't know anout this particular woman.
I dind't have the right feelings for my ex, and was so unexperienced with love and intimacy, I didn't know that was the issue. I thought that if you can love someone, then the issue has to be my body, but it's possible to love, without that love being the romantic kind. Wish I knew sooner.
I know my ex is great, but he isn't meant to be my partner.
Oooooo
@@rosyapplekitchen635You’d be surprised how much emotional depth men have. It’s just that most of us learn it to show it because when we do, women usually get extremely sexually turned off by it. They may say they like it in the moment but something totally changes.
If I had a man like you as my partner, I'd be deeply happy and grateful. I met all the wrong people at the right time and the right people at the wrong time and made a hash of my life. You're a kind man and kindness is a rare quality. I'm glad you're out of this. You deserve much better. Hope and pray you meet the right person. Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world.
It's always the nice people who get used and hurt
@@watermelonlover745 nice people pleasing individuals always get shit. Lets all champion selfishness
That’s an amazing video, i am a muslim woman, i have never had sex, the first man i knew was my ex husband, and within 5 years of marriage we slept very few times, and i would feel like i am shit and undesirable, so i filed for divorce a year ago, now i am moving on with my life and having the same way of thinking as you, i am saving myself my energy .. for someone who deserves it, i feel the urge somtimes to just do it , but my fear of god, and my dignity won t allow me. Thanks for sharing this story , Bless you
Same I am Ina. Sexless marriage hardly we sleep I hav two kids forcefully I slept with him to conceive so that he changes , he is narcissistic , I dint leave him yet he is playin mind games m at my parents home with two kids I don’t knw what to do ! M searchin for a job after 7.5 years of gap in my job carrier m worried I don’t knw what to do it’s difficult to get a. Job plz plz pray for me I am a Muslim women too
Salam, sister. Please keep doing the right thing, and if your desire is to get married again, take the right steps and do the right things. Please don’t give in to temptation. InshaAllah, Allah SWT will bring the right person for you at the right time. Until then, keep doing the right things. I just wanted to remind you to not lose track because of a bad experience. Your future is more important than your past suffering 🩶
@@Ana-rb7ws but I have two kids one duaghter is 4 year old and a son two year old he has left me at moms place tryin to punish me that sicne I don’t have job etc I wil run to him one day but I m in search of job I have a gap in my job for seven years since I got married to
Him ☹️n difficult to get job now m tryin n tryin m becoming hopeless here in India it’s like u can’t get remarried again but if u do so it’s with lots of difficulties with two kids ☹️😞so thinkin of marriage again is out of question now I believe m stil in my marriage though but no contact with him that’s what his mother n sisters want n he is spineless suckling on his mothers milk still so I don’t knw what future awaits for me , I see nothin 😞
N I am already 32 years old gich means pretty old here in India 😔but don’t look my age I look 26 tbh I am good looking alhumdulillah all my frends use to praise me n still do but he lowered my self esteem by makin me feel like a thrash
@@arshiaamreen7853 Hazrat Khadija was 40 when she married the Prophet Muhammad saws, when he was 25 and in his prime. India, like many other countries, though may have parts that claim to be Islamic, aren’t in actuality not Islamic when it comes to practice, mindset and belief. Henceforth, you said what you said. If I were you, I’d do everything in my power to protect my mind from the toxicity outside. I’d read the Quran and the Hadith more to understand Islamic philosophy and psychology which gives dignity to men, women and children regardless of age, color, education, wealth etc. If I were you, I would fill my mind with so much of the richness of Islam that their words would bounce off me. Then, I’d do whatever that needs to be done about my marriage. And I would seek the help of Allah, who understands and sees all things, past, present and future and would guide me to the best path for me. That’s what I would do. Toxicity exists in every part of the world. But the trick is to fight evil with good, as the Quran taught us. What I learned from my experience is that when you align yourself with the values of Islam, worldly stupidity doesn’t affect you anymore, or definitively affects you less. That’s what I would’ve done had I been in your place. Yes, it would be one heck of a long journey, at which I would remind myself, that maybe this is the test for my life, so therefore take it to the best of my ability and equip myself with knowledge from the Quran and the Sunnah. I hope I was able to raise your spirits even a little, sister. May Allah SWT make things easy for you. Ameen.
You did well to escape. Many men are left trapped living a life of despair because of this.
And women 😢
I've lived a life abandoned by the man who claims to love me, but won't touch me.
@@sanlic2968 look up intimacy anorexia 🙏
I wonder how could it even be 😢 @@sanlic2968
@@Alexxx492 far more men tho
omg. This sounds exactly like what my husband does to me. I consider our relationship "sexless" because it's a battle to get him to be interested in me once a month. Like you, it started out a several times a week and slowly became less and less. Most recently it was three months. And if I dare bring it up and how unhappy it makes me, he says im making things worse. It's awful, but I'm still in it. So happy you got out. It's been 8 years for me.
You matter.
Your needs matter.
Please take the steps that are best for you. And don't wait for someone who won't even communicate to change when they haven't done anything so far.
As few men talk about this there are even fewer women that will discuss it
@@busybecomingmyselfas long as children are not in the picture you are right, otherwise parents have to sacrifice their needs and modern society tells you nothing wrong with breaking up the family for either parents selfish desires over the children.
@@rejectionistmanifesto8836 "staying together for the children" is often the worst thing to do. Children learn by example of what men, women, and relationships are like. It can be better to be 100% of who you should be as a parent 50% of the time than 50% of who you could be 100% of the time.
@@rejectionistmanifesto8836
You are wrong. Children can sense the tension and know when the relationship is love-less or empty. Children are not stupid. You don’t want to set that example. Also, why is a parent “selfish”? Parents are individuals who have their own desires and needs, they have a right to be happy in the most basic way, having that emotional connection.
It's amazingly frustrating and demoralizing when you're in a relationship................. And feel so incredibly unwanted, sad and lonely. :(
I too, had a very similar childhood. Then married an abusive narcissist and actually stayed for 38 years before finally kicking him to the curb. Don't be too hard on yourself, it happens to many of us; unfortunately.
Thank you for your very honest story! I have heard of so many ‘being used/abused’ female stories, rarely a man’s story. I can clearly see your childhood set you up for not picking up healthy relationships. But what I see beneath that is a sensitive, intelligent man- willing to learn and build his own true life. Hope it all beautifully flowers 🌸🌸
As a woman I wish I had met someone like you before my marriage. Now I am married and living a sexless life as you said , now I get it it’s not my fault
It starts with choice of the right partner, and take heed when the red flags appear, then marriage is off the table
"The stuff you're raised to can be continued by partners"...wow! Very powerful and eye opening, well said. You are also incredibly insightful!
Wow, I'm 60 now and still am trying to put all this into words and thoughts- where were you when I was 30. My life could have been so much more fulfilling. Thank you.
You're very welcome. I wish you a fulfilling life now.
There was no CZcams 30yrs ago 😂
As a woman, I’m appalled to hear what you went through. I’m glad you got out of this marriage!
My experience was worse. My wife was the total opposite and wanted sex all the time, she was insatiable. I was losing weight with all the hours of sex each week. She started involving another woman from her gym and it was exhausting. In the end I was a broken man and she then brought in the strap on which was demeaning and damaged my body. Eventually I had no choice but to divorce as she refused to admit she had issues and would not visit a therapist. She is now living in an open relationship with two personal trainers from the gym and I'm slowly getting my life and health back.
I stay in a sexless marriage for 10 years because I have two awesome boys and I can see them everyday(instead of half the time) and maintaining 1 house is expensive enough without have to think of maintaining two. She also put on 50 pounds and isn't the kind agreeable person I fell in love with so I don't feel like I'm missing anything. (Marriage/Contracts of adhesion really mess with some women once they got the bag secured because of the state.)
@@grildcheez1504Are you the same person then? Still in the same shape and keep yourself fit? Most people struggle with it when getting older.
Even better shape. Work out. Eat right. Probably why I find it offputting when I see poor discipline. While I grew as a person, she regressed into someone I would never have even been interested in and would like to even know as a person.(not selfish and self-serving). 80% of women end marriages these days. (largely because they put their needs above the needs of the family unit) @@byronic0967
@@grildcheez1504 Sorry, but kind and agreeable sounds like a pushover for me. If you want to stay then at least try to work on the relationship, if there is anything to work on. Even for the kids it's better than having parents barely tolerating each other.
39 year old female, been in a sexless marriage for 7 years...had the same experiences like you...and like you therapy helped me...5 years since my divorce and really at peace....i appreciate your guts to post this video
Congratulations on your healing and achieving peace
How would you be in that situation if your a woman and your husband is a, well, dude. Usually, it's the other way around. No offense.
I would love to help you make up for the lost time. I too am in a sexless marriage, I'm about to get The F OUT.
@@haydenbrewer4128 honestly I don't know...imagine how insulting it is to be a woman whose husband doesn't want to have physical intimacy with her...and to make matters worse I come from a conservative Indian family where divorce is looked down upon
@@elypowell6797 more power to you, you just have one life...
When I was in my 20’s I read a book called Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. That was one of the best books I ever read and helped me to understand the vast differences between men and women. That’s half of the battle. I was kind of pissed because men and women are so different that it’s almost a cruel joke to expect them to get together in the first place. There’s a balance between the two sexes. We can benefit immensely if we can find the balance. It’s like a dance. You have to communicate well and openly along with the push and pull of finding your equilibrium in order to succeed successfully. Man is it out of this world when you get it right.
Every time a guy I know claims to be in a sexless marriage it turns out he was the only one in the marriage not having sex.
Perhaps. Never had evidence. She was chronically dishonest so I wouldn't be surprised.
Thank you for sharing your story.
As someone who has a low libido, I've resolved to just remaining single until I find a 'unicorn' that is sexually compatible. And if I don't, then I don't. It's better to be peaceful than hold someone hostage to how I should feel (and viser versa). My ex and I were together for 1 year. We got on like a house on fire on every level! The relationship was amazing! However, over time it became clear that we had different needs from a romantic relationship. It broke my heart when my ex bf thought I didnt love him because I didn't have the same appetite for the amount of sex he craved. I could not convince him that I found him attractive and that I loved him. Without the sex, the relationship meant nothing to him. Our view about sex was simply just different and our libidos made us villians to each other. We even tried couples counseling at some point but it was too late. The damage was done. I blamed myself for a while and still see how I played a role in the breakdown of our relationship. I did also learn a great deal about myself. I think the experience scarred both of us. I'm sure he's happier now with someone else and I hope he is; just as I hope you are.
I have low libido too but when I use rhodiola rosea Im always in a mood
Can someone explain y do people have low libido ? ☹️yes right don’t hold other people hostage in a relationship ,
@@arshiaamreen7853 I don't know hey. I can't speak for everone but I've heard some say stress, anxiety and/or depression can cause it. If that's the case, I can understand why someone would want to 'get their libido back'. But I know for myself, I don't have any of those (or atleast I have not been diagnosed with any clinical concerns). I've just always never had a big craving for sex. I'm 33 now. So maybe some people (like me) just don't have a high sex drive and it's not "a problem to be fixed" about them. Rather, I think it's a matter of sexual compatibility. From experience, it becomes a problem when one is in a relationship with someone who wants more sex than the other person (viser versa).
@@lirekoqhobela4439just saying if you’re on SSRIs or birth control. That can affect your libido, especially in women. Also your health, if you workout and eat healthier, your libido might increase. If you want it too, not everybody needs sex in a relationship.
@@arshiaamreen7853I’ve went from high to no libido with the same guy when he stopped listening to me, didn’t care about what I wanted and wouldn’t even go for a walk with me. He was harsh and judgmental. I missed my best friend’s birthday party because as we drove there we went through an African American family neighborhood and he flipped out, got scared and drove us home. We went on a trip to Yosemite National Park. His comment was that it was just a pile of rocks and he proceeded to smoke pot, really the only time I ever saw him do so. Point is that he left me alone in the relationship.
The only thing that worked in my 23 year marriage was our sex life. The dynamic between couples is always totally unique. I know many women with healthy sex drives and their husbands aren’t “doing” their part. Like attracts like. One has to find that other half, where simply it all harmonizes.
@sonant288? You wrote "was"....does this mean you both got divorced after 23 years? Interesting.
Id feel my skin crawl when my husband even touched me on the shoulder. I hated who he was as a person-his self-victimization, his rudeness to wait staff, our life strictly on his terms-so much. I wanted to leave at the first month of marriage. I stayed for 7 years because he said he’d change. When someone shows you consistently who they are, listen. They wont change.
not sure why you liked that, she's kinda implying you were like that as a man. And also was this ex wife British British by any chance?
What has any of that got to do with this video?
Don't try or hope to change people. Accept them or move on.
Hey man, thank you for having the balls to post this. I think WAY more men are in this exact situation than anyone realizes. Due to the exact reason you stated, being raised by dysfunctional mothers. Thank you for your courage & honesty. I know it took a lot of both to post this.
My BIL openly told us he hasn’t had sex in his marriage for 5 years! I can see how distant his wife is around him. They’re barely together. Something strange is going on.
This is why PARENTING WELL is so important. Our decisions (good or bad) are a DIRECT RESULT of our childhood. Recognize the issues you have, GET HELP WITH THEM in therapy, and make BETTER DECISIONS, and don't repeat what the toxicity and dysfunction that you hated about your childhood with your own children.
As someone who grew up in a very similar way, but female, the bad first relationship was a cheater. These are narcissists who have the tenacity and will to break down boundaries and draw the life force off vulnerable partners.
I swear the first 5 minutes is like hearing somebody else retelling my own life. But it seems your ability to overcome is better than mine. Glad you made it, it's inspiring.
Quite by accident in my case, but if I can help others overcome it I'm happy to help.
One of the traits of a narcissistic relationship is to withold affection and intimacy
Do you have links?
False. Sex is not important in a relationship, what is important is true love and communication. Many people don’t have sex anymore when they grow older which is normal. Also, some people are asexual meaning they don’t want sex. Also, some women deal with birth defects in their vagina meaning sex will be very very painful for them and not enjoyable. Or they have to deal with the condition Vaginismus. All this leads to sexless marriage for a lot of men eventually. Porn made you think sex is so essential, but many men survived without it. Just hugging and kissing and cooking together etc. Can be enough.
@@truehappiness4U you don't get to tell other people what is and is not important in a relationship. Just because it isn't important to you it doesn't mean it isn't important to another person. Marital fidelity doesn't mean making sure the other person can't be happy.
And plenty of couples continue to have sex well into old age.
I find narcissistic personality to be give me sex or else I will leave you or kick you out of the house.
@@truehappiness4U so true some will measure how many times their wife gives them sex and will kick them out if they refuse few times. If people think sex is an obligation in marriage better don't marry. I would never tell my loved one give me sex or else I will leave you or else kick you out basically legal prostitution
It’s really nice to hear a man be vulnerable and so genuine, thank you for sharing ✨
Thank you for your kind words
I sincerely appreciate your ability to be so open and vulnerable. This is helping many people. ❤
I too left a marriage for very similar reasons. I’m so grateful I didn’t waste more than a couple years and even more grateful that I did it young. I bounced at 27 and was the best decision I ever made. I’ve had a fun and interesting life since then. I’m 46 years old now. I can’t imagine if I’d not been able to live the great life I’ve had. Don’t waste time on the wrong people everyone. Like Clark Gable said in Gone With The Wind, don’t waste time, that’s the stuff life is made out of.
Women can also be in a marriage where their husband doesn’t want to have an intimate relationship with them. In my profession individuals (male and female)often felt very comfortable confiding in me and I can tell you it goes both ways. It saddened me to listen to their stories and the emotional pain they felt.
Some stay in the marriage because there are children and they want to do the right thing: they feel trapped. It is a difficult challenge and as I have aged I recognize I don’t have a “one fits all advice” for people.
Thank you for acknowledging that this happens to women too. I am so embarrassed that i am in that situation.
@@dermlover1 I was too. It was a control devlauing tactic.
@@dermlover1same here. My partner will purpose blow cold and claim busy and do nothing with me but watch TV cause he knows it turns me off and then I won't expect sex. We went on many vacation and it was always me asking him for sex, he would sit across the room from me in a hotel room and even just keep leaving. I am convinced that we married energy vampires who just wanted to steal our time and energy, or they are gay or addicted to porn.
Dang. This is a cautionary tale for me about how bad things could have become. My wife started cutting me off and after about 2 months I stopped "asking". I basically told her that if she wasn't going to have sex with me then I wasn't going to show much concern for any of her needs either. Somehow she thought that was unfair. Happily, I just stopped caring. Rather than pursue sex with me she pursued a divorce. She mistakenly thought that I'd beg her not to go through with it and she'd keep cutting me off but I was ALL TOO HAPPY to leave. Funny thing is that when I called her bluff she tried to put the brakes on but it was too late. She'd given me a golden parachute and I took it. I'll never ever get married again. GFs don't play those games because they know you'll leave.
Scary. This could have been my post....
Sex isn't a need. It's a want. You won't die without sex. You'll die without food/water, not sex. You need to get this in your head or you'll be perpetually miserable
@@xxxxOS That's a stupid point. Wives aren't a need, jobs aren't a need, if we're going by maslow there are very few things that are. But, if we're going by maslow a NEED for fulfillment is a sense of belonging. That's where sex comes in.
@@xxxxOS Sex is absolutely a biological need. Some people may need more, others less, but generally men need it often. I think we all can make a personal decision to not have it and keep our bodies under control but it takes a lot of discipline and we cannot be exposed to anything of that nature. For virgins it's easier than for someone who has already had it.
@@yanise1625 I disagree. I can have a wank. I probably only hook up with 2 or 3 women a year because I dont want to date much. I'm plenty happy going months without sex.
Seventeen years ✋ The reason they don't respect you is ironically precisely because you chose them and you credit them with decency and goodness. But they know what they are.
Agree
@@tjatkinson88 The very fact that you trust them makes you contemptible in their eyes.
Narcissist
After 5yrs married to my high school sweetheart, he felt he had settled to soon and wanted to re live his 20’s, I should had seen the red flags but didn’t listen to the ppl who lovingly told me not to marry him. I was young and naive, but thankfully I was able to re-marry and have a family with another. I have never had contact with my ex, feels like I had a completely different life before.
Anyway I hope you find the right woman for you, you seem like a great guy!
This sounds VERY similar to my marriage, which is in the process of divorce currently. We were married for just over 2 years, but only lived together for 1 year due to visa processing. After 4 months of living together she started withdrawing sex with very similar excuses, being too tired, etc...A huge red flag that helped me to wake up was when she withdrew sex because I had lunch with my parents and let my parents pay for it, and despite the fact that I was paying for nearly everything for our life she said it's proof that I'm a bad husband...because my parents took me out to lunch, lmao. She would use anything as an excuse to belittle and devalue me and then be angry and say that she was too angry for sex. Later I found out that she has all the classic behaviors of a covert / vulnerable narcissist. After listening to your story, I believe at least one of your parents must be a narcissist, and likely your wife was too. Because you had to endure being devalued on a regular basis you developed a people pleaser mentality, wherein you devalue your own self and think that your own existence is not good enough, and put others needs above yours, no matter what. I'm a very different person now, and so are you. We got this! Best wishes to you man.
It's great to hear of another person who went through hell and is now doing much better. Congratulations!
Visa processing?
Obviously a mail order bride lol@@sonofhibbs4425
Even beautiful men struggle. Joking.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. It was very interesting and insightful since for many Christians there is this pressure in sacrificing ourselves into roles that can't break us on so, so, so many levels.
Wishing you the best, truly!
I am a woman and I can relate to your story. I was conditioned as a child to please others and I was repeatedly put down. I was a good student and that was the only thing that gave me confidence. Thank you for sharing, you are helping many people. You are a wonderful man, you deserve an amazing woman in your life. I hope you heal and receive the best things in life.
Empathic people want connection and emotional relationship not just sex.
Thank you so much
Married 12 years and sexless for 10.. I can’t wait to be divorced and free
This sounds like my situation. Been in a sexless marriage for seven years. We got married 7 years ago.
Going on 5 years myself. Pretty lonely existence.
Yikes!!! Hello….. communicate!!!!!! Why would u endure a sexless relationship if u want to have sex???? It’s called….. talk about it, and if your partner doesn’t compromise on that? GET OUT!!!!!! Sex is an important part of a relationship IF you need it. Some couples like a sexless marriage which is fine….. the issue is if u and your partner are not sexually compatible
3 years myself…wife does not communicate. Can not hold out much longer.
If you guys can take away anything from this video, it should be the signs of when only one person is actually trying and the other is content saying they love you but not exactly rushing to take action.
I made another video about whether such situations can be healed.
I pray that God helps you so that you a healthy sex live in your marriage as you deserve to be happy. You don’t deserve to be in a sexless marriage.
Wow. I could have easily written this. Thank God we parted when it was still early but those very same patterns existed in one of my relationships when I was younger. This video is just absolute divine timing. Thank you for your message!
same, I was with someoe for 10 years, we nearly married but I decided against it in the end
We don't know what we do not know until coming across a video such as this that is such invaluable advice. Reading the comments below, it appears your experience struck home with more people than I might have earlier imagined. "the things we do for love" -- is stripped here to the core and shreds the idea of romance many of come to be blinded by not having sufficient real life experience. Much appreciation to Chris, this channel's creator. p.s. how easily we fall into the trap of failing to comprehend our own tremendous abilities and worth.
The part where you said that she says "now you just set us back 6 months because you upset me." Holy cow. That is exactly what was said to me as well. I'm grateful that I'm not alone in that experience.
Gas lighting 101.
I am really sorry to hear what a horrible experience you had, but props to you for developing self-awareness and working on self-development and healing. I was bullied as a child and in consequence I turned into people-pleaser, unfortunately many people took advantage of it....I'm also trying to heal my wounds, I find it so much more peaceful just being single, no more anxiety or stress....
Awareness is the first step towards healing. Keep going. You can do this.
In some regard, the thinking that a bloke is "getting lucky" is a myth, it's a mirage. Pushed by testosterone. I'm now 62, been married twice, failed twice for a multitude of reasons. Lived 10 years no sex, trying to make it work, ultimately had it thrown under the bus. Truly a deep level of sadness.
Long story short, I'm working on what's left of my life, not expecting any miracles. ALONE..... peace and quiet.
Good luck guys. There's no easy answers.
Hang in there man. There's more to life than women, but when a man lives without sex, it's not easy. I've been there. Exercise, experience nature, travel, go to movies, play music, swim..
Try Jesus
Try looking into "childhood emotional neglect". It's where our relationship patterns start.
As a woman I lived in a sexless marriage and felt much of what you described. I felt worthless. Sad. Lonely. Now that I’m free, I am much happier.
@Katrn30 One problem I have is that I feel I have so much love to give. But have much difficulty in finding anyone to share with. 😕
"You just set us back 6 months." says a lot. SHE was appointing herself monitor of where you BOTH were. That's not just cold, what a mysterious timeline. I don't know why youtube put this in my path because I'm a female who has a near 30 year good marriage, but this is interesting. I am glad you got out of it. You deserve to be in a relationship WITH someone, not waiting for someone.
That's is right there! You hit the nail on the head. "She didn't respect me so didn't find me attractive"
Exactly what happened to me. I gave in too much and it turned her off.
What it sounds like, so she can't respect anybody though. If he's telling his side of the story accurately, what is there not to respect? He paid the bills, treated her like a princess. I just don't think narcissists are capable of respecting anyone.
wow! it's really something to think about, hearing this from a man....so very similar to my own experience. i'd never thought about a guy being 'in my shoes'. Def eye opening and a lot of validation here--Very happy you were able to remove yourself from that kind of toxic. Thank you for being so open and honest. Wising u the very best🕊️
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and so transparent about a deeply painful situation. I have been there and suffered through it for eight long years of feeling so ashamed and unworthy of love and intimacy that I dared not tell anybody. I can relate so well to your sense of despair and powerlessness to be trapped in such a marriage. I hope you found the relationship and true intimacy that you have wanted all along.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, sad and vulnerable confession.
The void we grow up with, that makes us crave for love and attention, makes us loose ourselves. It was so heartbreaking to hear about yours. I've got such a void, too. Maybe that's why your vid hit close to home and made me cry.
I'm working on therapy on my void. Slowly growing to respect myself. Slowly getting myself back.
I'm glad you got the good relationship you deserve. All the best for you ❤
I wish you the very best on your journey also
This must be my first CZcams comment ever. Its totally worth it.
It's wonderful to see a person grow, blooming into this incredible being of you. Thank you for your insight and being so candid of your journey.
This video was sealing all my own learnings, truly grateful for it.
I hope you always get guidance from your soul, intuition- all the answers are just waiting to be dug out.
You are a rolemodel for all the others. Much love and respect.
Be blessed.
Thank you for these beautiful and kind words
Your ability to be vulnerable with the world is beautiful and much appreciated. Although the experiences you’ve been through weren’t something you may have wanted to go through, it still seems as if you allowed yourself to learn and grow through it, which takes extreme courage and willpower. It’s so lovely to see more men choosing to heal, evolve through, and learn from their experiences. You do deserve a sacred love because you are sacredness and worthiness itself. Much love, healing, and continued harmony to you 🤍
It was heartbreaking to hear this. If someone is making you feel like your not enough they need to get out the way so someone else can come in and treat you like the king you are.
Thanks. I'm now being treated extremely well thankfully.
You're a good-looking, well-versed guy. You deserved better than your "wife."
I am surprised too…. He is good looking not sure why his ex didn’t want intimacy
@@isaacyomost women don’t realise what they have until it’s too late. Many are selfish too as witnessed here.
@isaacyo not about looks it's about feelings.
Love your transparency. Your brave and your intelligence, insight and self awareness is commendable. Thanks for this 💕👏🏾
Thank you
I am glad I come across your video. Going through same at age of 38.
I struggle with low self esteem and I never made that connection but now that I hear it it makes so much sense...thanks for that
Thanks for transparency - this vid gives me hope that there are still good guys out there. Also, Ill take brutal honesty over any kind of lying any day!
I’m very glad you are realizing your self worth. And it’s ok to be upfront with potential mates that you are looking for something long term. You’re doing great keeping it real. Good luck in your quest for the happy ever after.
Thank you for being so open in sharing your story. Im sorry you went through such a hard time, and I can sense the pain and hurt still beeing there. I hope that one day you will experience full healing🙏❤️
Thanks for sharing your story. It's scary how similar to mine it is... the time frame is almost the same, the pressure academically from parents, to the years continuing to try to do the "right" thing. Well, that chapter is coming to close and I look forward to the healthy relationship(s) in my future. Thank you, its comforting and relieving not to be alone.
I'm glad I could help. There's much more on my channel that might be useful to you.
This is why moms need to be good to thier sons. They pick women like their moms
So if you don’t want to worry about your son, teach him what love and respect look like BY RESPECTING HIM
Moms are a big part of the problem. Especially single moms. Look up "devouring mother syndrome" They unconsciously hobble their sons so they will be unattractive to women and will never leave the nest.
Agree!!
Also, Mums and Dads need to teach sons what to look for in a suitable wife. Character traits to look for or flaws that are a red flag.
No. I did not and never have been with a woman that’s anything like my mum. I’ve heard people say this before and as far as I can tell it’s complete bs…and creepy af.
My sister went through a similar experience to yours.. I’m glad you are finding yourself & putting a video out there to ignite discussion.
She didn’t discuss her feelings around being used, she fell into a deep dark hole & committed suicide thinking there was no one who would want to love her. My sister worked all hours bringing back her hard earned money & giving it to her husband.. the man she married sounds exactly like your ex-wife. She also had similar sexual experiences. What you’re talking about is VERY real. My heart is with you, I hope you bump into ‘the one’ meant for you.
Thank you. I'm now in a loving relationship.
Huge props for coming out speaking about this, and just how you've analyzed and dissected the whole situation just shows how mature you are, you were brave enough and aware enough to be able to see where you have aslo gone wrong, which is not a very common trait amongst people in general because its always easier to blame everything on everyone else
You are so brave. So vulnerable. Sending you so much love and light. 🙏🏽
How enlightening in a way to hear this from a male perspective. I was 19 when I got involved with a man who became the same as your wife. In the beginning it was great and we were happy and active, with a good sex life. Then about 4-5 years in it began to decline. He stopped complimenting me, stopped initiating date nights, his "I love you"s became less and less frequent. And then the sex stopped. We would flirt but every time I tried to bring up sex he would change the subject, call me annoying and needy and told me I should stop pressuring him. I had also gained a little bit of weight, and he would throw that at me saying "you don't have the body you had when you were 19" and "Im just not attracted to you anymore." Fast forward, I'm 29 and miserable. 10 years of my life gone to this narcissistic manipulator.
Of course I ended up leaving (which of course he turned into the biggest nightmare possible) and now I'm married to a man who loves me more than the world and we couldn't be happier. Thank you for sharing your story!
Really enjoyed hearing your story. Thanks for sharing. I have had an almost identical experience to you I didn’t want to end it after investing all these years into it but now I’m 33 and single working on myself and so much happier for it. All respect to you
Congratulations. My life is also better than ever. I hope yours continues to improve also.
Thank you for your honesty. Your sincerity helps many hearts open for understanding. The responsibility you take in owning your own filters and your own story, your own interpretation of your very own 'how's and why's' is refreshing. I respect and admire your vulnerability. Thank you for posting your video.
Thank you ❤️
Much love to you brother. My wife treated me so badly for so many years. A couple years ago, after our daughter was born, I really started standing up to her. Threatened divorce multiple times. Things are getting better, I am very firm with my boundaries and that is the key. I dont tolerate any bad behavior anymore. There are still issues, but it feels like we're heading down a good path. I still contemplate leaving, but I still believe staying and trying is the right thing. Maybe in the future that will change, and I will always choose what i feel is best for myself and my daughter.
Ueah, I dealt with that for eight years. She left when her mom died. She freaked out and ran off to a HS boyfriend who already had two kids. They got married and he ended up getting a third woman pregnant. Now shes with a guy who looks like a slug. It was the worst of times and I thought it was the best of times because its just how she was, I thought. Men will tolerate so much out of goodness and honor but we can't allow ourselves to be run over.
Find Jesus
You poor baby. Please find Jesus and love, real love will follow
I had the opposite experience, It was me who didn't want sex after marriage cause he was emotionally absent all the time, he never wanted to spend time with me, he felt asleep when I prepared a special dinner, and many things like those. I used to feel like a ghost, he wanted sex all the time but without any affection, I felt used so I went to sleep to another room and then I divorced. I have a very similar background so I feel you. I'm so glad that you had the courage to speak about it. Thanks
So it your fault. Women get into relationships not knowing what men want or who they are. They expect them to be women.
@garette.1214 you are so ignorant it hurts.
if you don't want sex after tieing him up to your relationship then you deserved emotional absence cause you fooled him that he was the one. It is a cycle that doesn't get fixed at that point if there is no therapy.
@@NunoRomeo "tieing him" wow!!! If you think that marriage means to tie someone sounds like you are replying in reference to an autobiographic experience.
@@Typeher that was metaphorical. it meant you promised to provide to each other but decided not to after the marriage and it created a cycle.
This video has been recommended to me twice, but the first time I didn't watch it, this time I did. I am surprised because I know someone going through this at the moment.
I will tell you, I am not a psicólogist but It sound like she is a narcisist. I am glad you were able to make it out. This was a lesson for you, and I hope you were able to heal from it, I went through narcissit abuse and I can tell you te healing takes time, and you never truly go back to how you were, but you learn so much and become much stronger.
Do not let it make you feel it's your fault. You are a very good looking guy, and I can tell you are also a great guy. Neither women you mention here appreciated you like you deserved, but you need to learn to appreciate yourself as well and then other people will.
I think you are very empathetic and usually people like us tend to get attached to those kind of people, it's a long explanation and there may be different reasons as per the psicólogy perspective, but as a speritual perspective it has to do with our need to help other people heal, and their need to use the energy/light of people like us. Among other things.
Sending light from here! 💕
Thank you for your kind words in this comment. This story happened between 2007-2014. I've learnt and grown a lot since then. I've supported other men stuck on or leaving relationships with narcissistic women, become a dating and relationship coach, and I'm now in the most loving relationship I've ever had.
@@busybecomingmyself I am very glad to hear that you were able to heal and find love, and that you used this experience to help others. 🙏🏼
Great video and man's point of view. Lovely that you were able to share your difficult story. 🤗 Best of luck now because now you know what you wont tolerate in a relationship. Some people are just lessons, some very painfull leassons, some people are our teachers and some are pure blessings.
I love this video! So relatable! I struggle the same as a women! 😊 I try to forgive myself for sleeping with men easily when I didn’t know better. We do just want to be loved. I’m here with you on the struggle of self discovery and love. I think we were victims as children and carry that mentally as adults. I try to remember I have choice. Choices are not easy, sometimes all paths have pain. But which on aligns with me is what matters.
I am so sorry you were tormented by this woman. I would love to find a man like you. May all your dreams be about to come true. Keep going! She’s out there!
I am sorry you had to go through this including your childhood. Sending you love and light!
Thank you for sharing your story. I understand this very well having gone through a similar background and appreciated a make side with this video. I hope you have since found amazing happiness with yourself and within your life. You deserve it. Hugs.
Thanks for sharing this! I hope you find a woman who values and loves you, and stays committed to you. I can relate to the part where said you weren't capable of choosing a partner well, early on in life. I personally wasn't mature enough at the time to know what I wanted in a partner, nor valued myself in ways I would need my partner to value me. So I got someone who doesn't.
Thank you for sharing, being a woman in this world It's easy to start to believe there aren't any men left who care about having a true and honest bond in a relationship, I'm glad you exist ❤
A great video. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest, I’m sure you will help a lot of people who watch this. I wish there were more men like you out there! I wish you much peace and happiness in the future 💛.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You're amazing. Love to see such good men on their healing journey
Your partner, your love has to have the same sex drive as you. I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone asexual. It doesn’t matter what you do … they will not desire you the way you want to.
After the divorce, I was in a relationship that was sexual only. I needed a fill, to catch for the lost times :)
After a while I needed more, a full package, so kept looking.
I’ve been in a serious relationship for a while now.
Every day feels surreal, because I am with someone compatible mentally, emotionally and sexually. It’s so easy, fun and loving!
If you are a sexual person, it’s your love language. You need a partner who’s the same! Its part of expressing love to each other.
When I was dating as woman, who wanted a sexual partner… I didn’t want to date someone for a month, get attached, just to get disappointed, because we are not compatible in bed. I am ok with three date rule. If you feel a connection you know. Just wanted to give you a woman’s perspective. I feel your pain. I’ve experienced very similar circumstances. If you find the right person, you will feel the secretness of the relationship even more as time goes by.
Trust your intuition!
Thank you for sharing.
I actually made a video about the time I "just knew".
Yes! And when the relationship is right sex life will be amazing as long as they have the same level of drive
Wow thank you for telling your story. I have had similar experiences just the other way around (me being the women experiencing this with men). Its so beautiful to hear you speak about how sex is sacred and I completely agree that it shouldn't be given to those who do not deserve it, and I had to learn that lesson too. Thank you so much for your honesty, its beautiful. I wish you a beautiful loving fulfilling relationship with a goddess of a women who makes all this worth it for you. ❤
She said this is really enlightening and a lot of people are going through and it’s honest and it’s real and it needed to be said. I’m so grateful that you found yourself and respecting yourself enough to say I’m better than this and I’m worth more than what I’m receiving. Good for you.
Am in a dating hiatus while I prepare for the marriage I want. Your video is helpful. Thank you. It seems like I need to learn more than just manifest picture perfect union.
I’m 63 and still in a narcissistic marriage because I felt trapped and powerless. I wish I had had access to information about narcissistic abuse in my 30’s. I think it would have helped me to get out. A very difficult and sad way to live. I still feel trapped by circumstances.
If you could snap your fingers and be 30 over again, would you marry?
Thank you for sharing and telling your story...I can relate in some ways. God Bless!
I think you should be so proud of yourself for sharing your personal story!! It was really interesting and truly a breath of fresh-air to hear true authenticity on here. You are awesome!! RESPECT ❤
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for sharing. So many people struggle from thier childhood wounds in silence
Thanks for listening
I am a woman and I can assure you that if a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a good and attractive man it is an issue with herself, withdrawing sex comes from a disturbed mind, pain, fear, inferiority complex, fear of success, when the guy/marriage fails to “ save” her she withdraws, I fell sorry for anyone involved in it, please forgive your wife
Forgive her? She wasted 7 years of his life. She seeded damage in any subsequent romantic relationship he will ever have.
Only a woman could spin another woman's bullshit as "boohoo for her" .
Well, if she really loved him and he is attractive and you tell him “I love you”, then you will also communicate with your partner your feelings, and you will seek counseling because you want to be a better person/wife.
The woman clearly had an ulterior motive with the money, as he stated. She did not love him, She used him.
Yes, forgive, but never forget how she abused you bud.
Thank you for sharing your story and may you have the strength and clarity to find yourself a wonderful partner in your future. You deserve better.
My wife told me years later after our divorce (in a moment of anger (when she was trying to control me about something) that she never loved me. It was relieving to hear on some level because I certainly sensed it. So many women marry for other reasons - in my case she wanted kids and targeted me as a good father. Sex is the canary in the coal mine with women (and men too to a lessor degree) that something is off. Get to the bottom of it. All religions grant exceptions for sexless marriages. Marriages are supposed to be in a state of consummation to be valid. I went on to have 3 healthly relationships and finally a very healthy marriage (1 year now) while she still fumbles with the same guy after 13 years, who rightfully, shouldn't marry her. And yes, sex is expected and enjoyed by a lot of women.
If a woman is not having sex with her husband or has stopped having sex with her husband...she is, simply, having sex with someone else.
It's, really, not that complicated.
That’s not true, I’m also a woman and I don’t walk around wanting to bed a guy just because he looks good, hell no, I’m only interested in a couple of guys, if any, at any point in my life, and usually those might not be even the most attractive, they just happen to have something that makes them interesting in my eyes. Being attractive is really nothing if the personality is not there.
I feel you. It’s not your fault for every abuse you’re subjected to. The good news is… You’ve acknowledged the dysfunction and your healing is your responsibility as a conscious adult.
Congrats of becoming busy becoming your truest authentic self despite what happened to you.
Unlearning old patterns and letting go of our childhood beliefs is also important because when you come from a dysfunctional family can make choose familiar patterns from the opposite sex.
People pleasing is something that most of us has to heal from too.
Wow how honest, raw and succinct. There are thousands of women like you who don't know what a healthy relationship is but are also trying to navigate and walk on the tight rope of desire vs an unhealthily sacrificial relationship whilst being Christian. Often we feel so alone we can't see the wood from the trees. Sharing is a fantastic way to help yourself and others. Thank you
Thank you for your kind words
This is insane to me. I’m 26 and just hit the 7 year mark of my relationship. We are currently going to couples therapy and are most likely going to break up because my sex needs haven’t been met for almost the entirety of the relationship. It’s been incredibly hard because we are best friends and have genuine love for each other and it’s always been easy. Needless to say, I had to click on this video because I related so hard. Stay strong everyone ❤️
I'm sorry and I wish you all the best
As a married man, I will tell you it's not going to get any better.Im stuck with children but not happy.
@@xerxesroms4062 I think monogamy should be seen as first dibs, not exclusive rights to make the other person celibate. If someone wants monogamy, you're asking for all the other person's sexual energy to be directed at you. If you don't want to have sex with anyone, fine, your body, your choice. But let the other person find someone to have sex with. The family doesn't need to be destroyed over it.