How do You Know She's the One? w/ Jordan Peterson
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- čas přidán 23. 08. 2024
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In this clip, Matt Fradd asks Jordan Peterson about how to know if "she's the one." Jordan's answers is insightful!
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"You can't make somebody love you; you can only make yourself somebody who can be loved."
When someone meets JP: “Hi, what’s your name?”
JP: “THAT’S THE WRONG QUESTION!”
ahahhaha
@@TheFoodie101 omfg I literally laughed out loud at the comment there, then looked under to see more replies and saw this. NICE
"See people don't even know what that means!" 😂
"Well... It's complicated. Right."
BUT WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! 😂
❤❤❤JP and thank God for him 🙏
The biggest question in a relationship is whether you both are ready to put in the work it takes to make it a success.
Couples that pray together stay together 😌
@@Mr_CyberCookie couples that work together stay together.
you can pray all you want. you can be religious all you want. it means nothing if your marriage is in shambles already.
edit: love is a commitment, not a belief.
@@missyjo2475 My initial statement is objectively true.
There were scientific studies done that showed that in America married couples that pray together stay together (literally) over 99% of the time.
Being ready is also stupid. One is never really ready for what life throws at you. Being committed to a process and to the promises you make to another person is what's more likely going to make a relationship successful.
Soul mates are not born, soul mates are made.
You mean ordained by God.
@@justice8718 you are forgetting free will
They last for 6 months to a max of 2.5 years, typically, especially now.
She'll get bored and remember the wild ride Chad gave her in college before she met Mr. Nerd Theologian who is very responsible, thoughtful, and not a threat to anyone.
Hopefully, she didn't have a baby with Chad.
@@hansblitz7770 Stop spreading redpill propaganda
@@hansblitz7770What's so bad about being a theologian?
"If young men did nothing but think about what they had to offer there would be women lining up to be with them". Truer words haven't been spoken.
Reality proves otherwise.
A guy can have elite levels of fitness, a good career, but if he isn't 6' 1" at least, that's a problem.
Doesn't have movie star looks?
Problem.
Isn't a charming extrovert?
Problem.
The modern woman wants superman, if she gets superman, she wants Clark Kent.
They are never satisfied. Their egos are massive. Nothing is good enough for the western princesses.
This attitude is even held by the overweight, impolite, single moms, addicts and dregs.
It's because of the type of simpage that Dr Peterson displayed here.
Trust me, this advice will get men a marriage just long enough to build equity on a home they lose in a divorce.
Who will she move in to the house you paid for?
Some scrubby dude who gives her the tingles.
Yep 30 years ago..... its not that simple in today;s culture
@@ifgfqageneration6939especially with modern women (not just in the west)
That might be true if anyone bothered to tell young men what women want, and they weren't lying.
Modern women aren't even worth associating with, and certainly not worth dating and marrying. There are a few good ones left, but not many. Finding one is a gift from God. Good luck, men.
Stop looking for the right person. Be the right person.
Exactly. That sums it up perfectly.
Yep. This usually solves a lot of problems you didn't know were holding you back 🙃
Why not both? What’s the point of ‘being the right person’ just to only attract someone with a Diet Coke addiction who has feelings for their ex? What about then huh?
@@jamie65078 You do you, mate. I just try to be the right person. So far it's worked out well.
Or you could do both
I am Christian woman, raised in Christianity. My parents married at 21 in college. Assumed I would marry around the same age.
Didn’t happen.
Once college came and went and I decided that if I was to get married “older” I better have something to show for my single years. I served in my church and I worked extremely hard at my job/career, while intuitively knowing it would not be wise to let my career become my identity. I cared about my appearance and fitness, but wasn’t obsessed with it.
After a couple of years of diligence I began to prosper. When I met my husband at 27 I was making 6 figures, owned a home and had stabilized my life. My husband who was 9 years older than me was drawn to me because of that. He had approached life the same way and we were a natural match.
A decade later, we’ve been married over 8 years, I’m a stay at home mom of our 2 beautiful daughters and we have a lovely life that I thank God for everyday.
It’s so important not to waste our young adult years. Life takes time to figure out and the journey shouldn’t be delayed by frivolity. This is a lesson I hope I can successfully pass on to my daughters.
Hi, it's really American dream! Here in Poland we can't even imagine. After I graduate, 3 diplomas, 3 languages, there were so high rate of unemployment I can't find any job in my town. One guy asked me work for him. He offered me 1 dolar per hour. Could you imagine? I decided not to work, but have children. After 4th I went to work for 400$ per month😂. This is the salary for master degree person after college in the beginning. Maybe if I work still, not having the 5th child, I will earn 1000 bugs now. You know, inflation. Greetings from beatiful Europe 😂
What a beautiful story. Yes i hope the generation of today will do the same
You are a rare type of woman! I was recently asked in the first 5 minutes of a date how much money I make!
Wooow. Wish I had heard your story years ago!!!
Sweet
"Make the most of the mess." A nice ending statement... and an excellent rule for life 🙏💗
Find someone who’s willing to become the right person alongside you
Modern women stand at the finish line and pick the winners.......... and y'know, that's really not a bad thing these days.
@AdamOBrien-ke8tg "Also almost like grocery shopping and people are just placeholders until they find someone better which is a bit weird."
In this case modern men want unrealistic onlyfans looking hot chicks instead of real women then complain these women don’t want them 🤷♀️
@@somenuttysquirrelwhy would it not be a bad thing? It lends itself to monkeybranching like you said in your earlier comment.
Exactly. Patiently waiting for my future husband to pursue me, in the mean time- working on myself by connecting to and obeying God.
What is your complex laundry list of demands?
@@hansblitz7770 😂
@@hansblitz7770Not being condescending is usually high up on the list
I needed that - thank you
@@hansblitz7770 Hahaha 🤣
I'm getting what Dr. Peterson is saying. If we position the question starting with "what's in this for me?" essentially, that creates a dynamic where I am the center deciding if this other person will please me. And that can change for any number of reasons. But if the starting point is putting ourselves together, to be a productive, responsbile, moral person who stands for something, we will attract someone who values those things. And that establishes, hopefully, a foundational life principle and faith foundation that will KEEP us working on making ourselves the person God intended us to be and that will inevitably be a very good thing for our spouse and if THEY value those same things we're on the same page.
Every women ever to have been on this planet when it comes to getting a man says “what am I getting out of this” if you don’t think they think like that then frankly you are incredibly gullible and very naive about life
@@James_36 don't know why you believe that being condescending is a helpful response, but be that as it may. People are listening to Dr. Peterson to understand a better way to live. I am commenting on what he believes is a more productive ideal, not on what I believe or don't believe is the current norm, which is clearly not working well and why what he talks about strikes a powerful chord with people.
Way to oversimplify life. The last 2 gfs I’ve had wanted to marry me in the first month. The first despite me loving her so much and would never even dream of leaving her, told me she thought “I was the one” constantly accused me of talking to other women and cheating. She cheated on me.
The second, also told me I “was the one” and that she “couldn’t see myself with anyone else”. Stopped bathing when she thought she had me locked, couldn’t mentally pull herself together, every single day she despair and cry about something no matter how big or small in her life and it was the end of the world for her (no mental fortitude.) I was the sole purpose for her living her life.
The girl before either of them felt the same way and said that if I didn’t stay with her she would kill herself.
All I want is someone with some mental fortitude, self care, and trust. Those are my necessities. Just because a woman says they want to marry you does NOT mean that you actually should. My brother did that and got cheated on and divorced and his children abused by her. This whole conversation Peterson is having is absolute bullshit, and that’s coming from someone who usually likes his takes.
If someone tells you they want to marry you in the first month of knowing you that is a major red flag. That is not about loving someone for who they are and wanting to have a life together. That is someone who wants someone else to take care of them. Any self respecting woman would take the time to get to know you, make sure your values align, and see how you integrate into her life that she has built for herself.
Do self work, you’re attracted to toxic people.
@@thecommonsensecapricorn yeah I figured that out. But more like I bought into how they acted in the beginning, then blamed myself when they showed their true colors. Learned the signs, learned the outcomes. In a much better place now. My original comment is more of warning people to not follow the advice of the video and marry someone who says they want to marry you. Life is more complicated than that and people more complex.
@@RiderZer0 Bro, you sound like a good guy. We think we attract a certain sort of person and it's their fault. But if we're the one common denominator in a sea of similarly toxic ex's then like you've figured out there's work to be done.
We think the other person is unreasonable, but maybe we're just replaying patterns from decades ago that we learnt to use to protect ourselves and it's time to learn mature ways of addressing the core needs the patterns were originally meant to resolve, but that are now woefully ineffective and immature.
To be fair, he does say it takes a year to know someone and that you have 5 tries. That’s the triage phase. I don’t think he literally meant to marry anyone who wants to marry you. I think this addresses people who have something pretty good but are too afraid to take the leap. The tendency today is more on the cold feet side than on the marrying too quickly side. But I get what you mean. I was also like “what?!” till he continued. 😂
If she puts love, family and children first, end of story
Loving the wrong person makes you feel empty and drained and exhausted.
Loving the right person fills you up and inspires you.
This is my favorite clip I’ve seen from the talk with Peterson.
1.She doesn't need money.
2. She loves you for who you are, not for your money.
3. She is not trying to raise her self esteem by having relationship with you.
"first of all you're lucky someone likes you" LMAO
What are women required to do?
Why is the respect always expected to go in one direction?
I never wore a suit at teachers college but I married the most beautiful woman in the joint. I was a baby faced virgin yet to shave and she was my first girl, yet I knew she was the one.
47 years later and we are still crazy about each other with the bonus of kids and grandkids.
If I am sexually aroused by my girl and I can be my true self in her presence, enjoy talking and laughing with her and share the same passion for kids then I know I am on the right path.
That passion for kids is truly a green flag. How do you know, someone is not selfish/greedy? By them wanting to have children. How you know, someone TRULY loves you? By them wanting the children with you.
I just can’t get the nowadays couples who claim they love each other but not wanting to express that love in children - a piece of person you love combined with piece of you. Is there something more beautiful and undermining true love than this? I personally would run away from someone not wanting kids because it’s too hard or because of any other excuse, like the world today etc. if there is faith in God, there is always hope for the better. He always provides
@@tabularasa164 not wanting kids isn't always a sign somebody is selfish.
I used to say I didn't want kids either.
What I really meant however was; I am scared I will curse my offspring with the same malfunctioning genetic lottery as myself.
I don't think I'd be a good mother and I'm not worth having kids with.
Am I a damaged invidual? Absolutely.
Does that make me selfish?
No.
Did I change my mind?
Kind of. I'm still scared of all the things but there's a guy I'd want to have kids with in the future. It just took a while to realise my refusal for kids came from a place of fear and not because I really didn't want to have kids.
Just because somebody says they don't want kids doesn't make them selfish.
Ignore JP he is a simp who has not experience dating. He even frames this in a simp way “you are lucky someone likes you” wow just wow. I mean wtf is that attitude other than being a simp to women. He should not be talking about dating he knows nothing about it and look at the bratty daughter he raised ffs
Well said. I appreciate your story!
Disney happy endings have been more damaging to modern day courting than anything else imo
I mean, fairy tales actually reflect many true patterns of meaning better than cynical modern storytelling. It's very easy to crap on classic Disney stories but just because they aren't literal that doesn't mean there's nothing true in them
Um porn?
Not exactly. Just have a fairytale where the main couple accidentally war against each other for centuries and forgive each other.
@@blondetapperware8289 This argument is confusing. Are people talking about FAIRY TALES, or Disney in this argument? Because those are very different things. And I'm not sure Disney is really the gold standard of storytelling.
@@monkey6207 You're right. There is some differences, but their classical adaptations of fairy tales are overall good
Catholics should start giving each other chances, many of us have fallen in to the trap of wanting to find the perfect match, and by doing so we disregard great people we are attracted enough to, because we are chasing the perfect someone that doesn’t exist, or because we are waiting for the perfect timing which also does not exist.
Just get married. Stop making excuses. If you found someone who shares your values and you are reasonably attracted to them: GET MARRIED!
This is the age of the weak. The age of no perseverance, no fortitude.
Very few marriages will survive the plight of the malformed millennial or the feckless gen Zer.
There doesn't even need to be a major problem to break a marriage, just "not really feelin it right now TBH Fr Fr"
@@hansblitz7770 Yeah absolutely. People are looking for rollercoasters instead of peace and stability. So strange.
@@Foxie770 Well. I know about five friends from my church who already got annulments from rushing into marriage at age 18. So, uh, don't rush as fast as them.
"The Ick" has become its own religion........... tack on divorce court, MeToo, shoddy hookup apps................. _GOOD NIGHT, BABY!_
Here's another question for the vocation of marriage: Do you commit to fully give your life as a sacrifice of love to her in a way to imitate Christ's love when He decided to die on the cross? Meaning: Everytime some kind of argument seems to arise will you keep in mind the words of Jesus “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” so you stop the desire of the flesh to engage in the argument and instead, charitably listen from the heart before you deny the love that you promised to her in front of God at the altar.
The relationship between the husband and wife is reflected in Christ and the Church, not Christ and God.
Yes it is still loving but it is not the same, when Christ says not My will but Your will it is a stance of submission and the wife is supposed to be in submission to the Husband .
The part about sacrifice I agree with
Not saying husbands do as you please, husband's have Christ's example to follow and should look out for the needs of the wife
Provide their every need
Never leave them or forsake them
Forgive them
Lead them and guide them and love them
@@michaelbaxter7452 For sure! Ephesians makes it very clear, specially with the help of Saint John Chrysostom and his homilies about it.
Holy Spirit, direct me in my career, and finances. As a single mother with two children with special needs is an overwhelming journey, especially when faced with financial difficulties. Lord I struggle to provide the basic necessities for my sons, like groceries and rent. I pray for your divine intervention in my life, that you would provide for my children’s needs and guide me towards financial stability. I will keep faith in you Heavenly Father. ❤️
In Jesus Christ name, amen.
Praying for you and your sons to our Lord.
Your 2 kids are blesses with a mother that feels responsibility. Don't underestimate that contribution to their lifes. My daughter has a mother who does not care about anything else than herself. and I can see the harm that brings to my daughters soul. Tables are full - heart is empty. If my daughter could choose, I guess you know the answer.
"How do I put myself together, so that I'm attractive to someone?"...Just perfect
Yep. Self-examination: clean up your own eyesight so you can see clearly. (Matthew 7)
...and then help others.
Clearing up.
Love is choice not a feeling
One of the biggest ones for me is mental stimulation. I get really frustrated and depressed when I’m with someone - whether friend, acquaintance, or romantic partner - and they aren’t easy to converse with. Either they don’t talk enough, don’t add anything to conversations, or they just ramble (like my ex, he just constantly rambled about his to-do lists, his worries, his ideas, but nothing I could respond to). But it hasn’t been easy for me to find someone who mentally stimulates me and who I’m attracted to/ share values, interests, goals with. Thats where I ask, “is this person right for me or do I need to keep waiting until I meet that person who mentally stimulates me?”
I feel you! I only open up to people that are real and willing to go deeper than surface level. I honestly get so frustrated when people say that anyone will work, you just have to make a choice to love them. I do not agree with that! People that put on a front and aren’t authentic give me anxiety and I can’t trust them emotionally. Come on, it’s a lot more nuanced than these guys are making it! You can’t just talk yourself into loving someone! I’ve tried it!!
Men are generally less conversant than women, so I worry that you might be setting yourself up for failure by expecting lots of conversation, and no rambling.
There's a funny saying that comes to mind:
A man needs a woman, and a woman needs a man, and other women she can talk to.
Every time ya fall i love and break up it takes a decade to sort ya self back out
Faith! Yes! So true! Thank you - go into take th chance!
A fantastic dialogue. A lot of great points that helps. Just offer the best you can and have faith.
I honestly don't like listening to some of his advice regarding broader relationship topics because he's been with the same woman since he was a kid . American culture is just not so simple . Happy to hear as always
Great clip. I love both characters and their discussion.
God bless you all 🕊
I will now pat myself on the back, as I just gave a man (who has been struggling to find a girl to date) this same advice. Focus on you...eat right & get fit, develop & maintain good habits, build your life in such a way that you are prepared for having a wife & family. IOW, make yourself the kind of guy a woman would want.
I can’t believe practical common sense is being spoken of.
So the right question would be "what do I bring to the table?"
If a man finds a woman that he respects and who he can laugh often with, commit
Thank you. So many men think going to the gym or getting the chad haircut are attractive things to do; but having a compatible personality and sense of humour matter to me much more than muscles (which don't seem important at all. . . ) Of course you want the man to be your friend and able to laugh with you most of all.
I found one, and broke up two days ago. Kinda incompatible, however still thinking if this was the right decision.
This is actually a really good response and one that is similar to what PUAs advise that men do. A lot of people tend to focus on what other people can offer them, but it should really be the reverse. When you focus on self-improvement, you'll naturally open the door to a greater availability of options compared to a lesser version of yourself, but that's seldom ever talked about.
You just feel it
The Soul Mate Myth.
There is no One. There are good ones and there are bad ones, but there is no "The One".
There is a necessity of faith… you have to leap into the abyss…. Make the most of the mess.
Love that
Good stuff.
I wear suits, I’m fit, I have a valuable post grad education, I own a home, I was raised with good values, I clean my room every day, I have a great job and earn a lot of money. I can assure you that women are not lining up to date me… so what’s the issue?
Are you kind? Are you humble? Are you funny?
@@mamaduck27 it'll never be enough. it's never about what a man can give, it's about what women feel they deserve.
You need 2 helicopters.
Also, are you under 6' 2"?
@@hansblitz7770that's weird. I've been married to my husband for almost 12 years and he's 5 7 and 1/2 and he doesn't even have one helicopter. Oh well, I guess I'll just keep loving him for him anyway
Yeah, but, are you overweight and not exactly pretty?
That means you need to settle.
Any very attractive female will have nothing to do with a 5' 7" guy.
5' 10" can be okay, but really in the west, the Fefails have decided collectively that being under 6' 1" is "short"
And "Ew"
And "icky"
Really good
Some self-centeredness is OK, I don't think the question is wrong. You can develop the qualities in yourself to be worthy and still have trouble finding the type of person you connect with.
Ultimately, we primarily engage in romantic relationships for pleasure (at least, in the USA). You aren't a better person for doing them, people pursue them because they like feeling closely bonded with someone.
Disclaimer: I think when he said "put on a suit, buddy," I don't think he was referring to his Christian Icon suits, as much as I do love them.
Love your work ❤
I need a short with the first 12 seconds of this…
I'm screwed so 40 and single😢
Some people meet their partner past 90. Don't fret.
The more you relax and observe yourself, the more you'll understand yourself. The more you understand, the more you respect yourself. The more that happens, the more others will respect you. Therefore, you naturally become more attractive.
Also wrong people can say "yes" to you - because you offer something useful to them. But its not about you - its about the offering.
Are you an Orthodox Christian? An icon is Orthodox, I'm an Orthodox and just interested. Valuable information by the way, thank you and thanks to Jordan
I’ve gotta go do something…
I dont know if it´s a problem, and I already told it to girl who I am close with. That I no longer like believe in some intense love, that for me it´s simply a cooperation with the woman.
he sent this to me🥳
The old narrative that you don't deserve her and she's better than you. If only women thought the same. How do you tell the "prize" that?
It proves jp is nothing more than a simp
3:51
“When will I know I'm ready?”
“You won't. It's a leap of faith.”
Obviously ❤
Make a mistake and marry the wrong person will drag your spirits down and put you in a depression.
Build a life he wants to enter.....if you put effort, love, commitment, people meet each other....
How do I become the right person for my partner vs the mistake of how do I find or make that person right for me
you will never know if they are the one.
but if you believe they are, then you'll still do what you can to make things work.
that is what love is. it's a commitment. it doesn't just exist. you won't ever know if they're the one.
"the one" will make you want to put in the effort but I've had multiple "the one"s.
no it's about committing to whoever you're with.
if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out.
you can think they're the one and 30 years later grow apart and get divorced.
_"Make the most of the mess."_ [4:09]
I’m always wondering if the level of curiosity about objectivity and the objective world has to be very close for the survival of a relationship when the basic needs are met by both? Specially if they don’t have kids in common
its rants like this that make me irritated with Jordan Peterson.
instead of answering with "Well, you'll know because she respects you" or "When you have a fight and she doesn't threaten to kill you" or how about "if she loves you back and you've made it this far, its time to at least ask/talk about it"
nah, he answers with "you're asking the wrong question stupid. I don't know you or her, but you obviously can't do any better"
If you really think about it, he is right on this. The belief that you will find the perfect match, a soulmate, was caused by globalization and the dawn of the Internet. Statistics aren't supporting your claim nor is everyone a true sheep, a wolf in sheep's wool
He has no idea about women it is embarrassing.
He didn't say any of those things because those things are painfully obvious. The thing that is not so obvious is the things you want in life start and end with you
@@bluebutterfly5062 but he didn't say "what you want in life starts and ends with you" he said "you're not good enough, and you're too stupid to know better"
@AdamOBrien-ke8tg don’t dispute that at all but I really do feel he is one of these men feminists. He puts all the blame onto men for everything, I even heard him justifying women cheating in one clip
I could use some advice: I’m a Christian and several years ago I saw a mysterious woman in a vision. I believe this woman is the one I will marry but the problem is I don’t know if I should just wait for her to come into the picture or if I need to interpret the vision as a sign that God has simply called me to marriage. What do you all think? There are visions, like Joseph’s from the Bible, that can only come to pass in God’s time. On the other hand, some visions are given to instruct or command us to do something. Consider, for example, Peter’s vision in Acts when God told him to kill and eat. Anyway, what do you all think?
I think God speaks to us in our heart. The best idea is to keep an open heart to women around you and see if you feel the calling in your heart to be with one of them. Listen to God speak to you at every moment - because God has given humans free will, nothing is set in stone. We need to stay connected and follow God's guidance as it evolves over time.
If the vision was meant to pass, it will. BUT there's a possibility it was just a random vision just like there's a possibility it will come to pass. But in the meantime, you've probably missed out on tons of opportunities with fantastic women because of a possible vision of her.
Ton's of us feel we're just waiting for our soulmate, and he or she WILL arrive. And that makes us lazy and maybe it's just the cut and thrust of dating and rejections and feeling not good enough that's making us avoidant and find solace in a fantasy (which might come true, or might not). But the point isn't whether the vision will come true or not, but whether we have placed all our eggs in one basket and are using a convenient excuse to avoid pain and rejection because we're afraid or don't feel truly worthy of love and being loved.
Maybe the vision might come true, but have a plan B (AND work on it) is all I'm saying.
@@ryannoronha4427 thanks for sharing. I hear what you’re saying. I’ve definitely been working on myself during this time. Fortunately I’ve been able to get a good job, save up some money, earn some degrees, and improve physically. I’ve also grown in my walk with the Lord. In general, I don’t think I’ve wasted any time. Plus, I haven’t met anyone i know that I would want to marry, so I don’t think I’ve really missed out on anyone. But again, I hear what you’re saying
@@sara_sofia_1984 thanks for sharing. This is good advice
I saw a beach in a church service. I got it in my head we were moving to Costa Rica. Someone gave me a free condo for a week. I couldn't find decent airline tickets. The trip turned into a cluster and I realized I was on the wrong track. 2 years later God moved us to Florida. My advice is keep praying and seeking. Don't be afraid to step out. He will let you know if you are on the wrong track.
That’s the problem here being better than you. We’re both innate compliments to each other. Not one superior to the other.
The right time to have a child is when you have a house, stable income and not in immediate danger. Which not many people consider.
I know a lot of people my age (late 20s) who got married and have children become more financially stable once they had their first child.
In context, though they are all educated and have jobs. So I feel like, those are indeed things to be considered but if you'll wait for all of those to come Into fruition, then sometimes it'll be too late
I disagree a bit. I understand why you believe that but I believe that if you do your best to find a job then don't be afraid. Ask God for help humbly. If years go by and in the meantime you don't have a job or a good job, don't waste time, have a child and pray to God to help provide for it. I think it's in the bible that in a verse it says it kinda like this: As the birds that live each day with no worries about what to eat the next day, we should trust our Father that he will care for our needs if we believe in Him and do our best( as well)
@@user-ug4rx9qf3r I do understand faith but capitalism is unfair and cruel and life without money for safety, comfort and healthcare is absolute hell , so not fair to bring a child into a world it can’t cope in. Children are also very expensive and I need to eat too.
If we lived in a time when pornography was not ubiquitous and pre-marital sex was frowned upon, the question of her being the right one would not even be on the table. If you are a man that does not fornicate and find yourself in the company of a mildly attractive woman who is also virtuous, there will be no second guessing or contemplation of whether or not she is the right one, you would just want to marry her as soon as possible.
I know this is true. But, I fear I cannot emotionally commit enough to my girlfriend to not hurt her by dragging her through my uncertainty about the marriage.
I am almost 32, she is almost 27. I am attractive but struggle with stability and negative emotion, which has caused 3 serious girlfriends to fall in love with me then leave me, and one long term relationship with poor communication end because of no shared values and I never was fully attracted to her.
My current relationship is the best I’ve ever had. She loved me unconditionally and I think she’s sexually attractive.
But I do not feel as certain as I did about some worse relationships.
I do not know if my lack of certainty is due to my past trauma’s making me not believe in love and giving of myself less, or because I could do better in fit.
She’s extremely cute, timid, and visually young looking, and although I’m attracted, I struggle to look at her as a strong equal.
I won’t do better…well…maybe. I did this good this time W/O trying.
There always another girl. How do I know if I can be enough for this one?
bro did you even watch the video? you'll never ""know"". If you truly know her well, and there's no concrete reason your marriage wouldn't work, just propose before she leaves you because she thinks you never will.
You have a very utilitarian view of your future wife. Your main reason for marriage shouldn't be to "obtain the best possible spouse." Your reason should be the person herself. Don't you love *her*, specifically? Not just as a generic woman among other women, but as an individual? You CHOOSE to value those aspects of your girlfriend (or wife) that attract you to her... Just like by proposing you CHOOSE a life with her and a marriage oriented towards God over the possibility of some other woman. And that's the important part, anyways - why give up the happiness you have right now to wait 10 more years just to build a family with someone else?
@@tail_recursion9506 thank you for your reply. I really didn’t think anyone would.
I do have a utilitarian view. It’s part of what bothers me. As I mentioned I know she’d be best option on horizon but I don’t feel right about selection based on that. After several heartbreaks, I am just not sure whether it’s I can no longer see one particular woman as rising above others in desirability, or whether she just isn’t attractive enough to me.
Like I said, I have been more emotionally committed to other women, who had slightly better situations and were less into me.
It’s wanting her less than she does me that worries me.
I have to choose her every day like you said. How do I know if I can when I’ve wanted others more?
To answer your question, I do love HER. But I’ve loved other HER’s before. More somewhat on the emotional level which I do not trust anymore. More “hers” will come.
And it bends me back toward a utilitarian approach…
How do you recommend a man choose like you say? Based on what? If not utility. Emotion?
@@docd2295 I think you're right, neither a utilitarian nor emotional foundation for love is enough to build a happy marriage on. Although a certain practicality and sentimentality are both important to some extent.
I'd recommend the book Love and Responsibility (Karol Wojtyla). Very thorough, and it talks about exactly this. I suspect it will help you much more than any advice I can give you would.
@@docd2295I think you're right, a strong marriage can't be built on a utilitarian or emotional approach. (Even as a certain practicality and sentimentality are important too.) I'd recommend the book Love and Responsibility, by Karol Wojtyła. It's very thorough and talks about exactly this question.
@@docd2295 are my comments being deleted? look up "love and responsibility" by Karol Wojtyła, it talks about exactly this question. prayers and hope it goes well for you
Just saying yes to marrying you is ludicrous.
PUT ON A SUIT BUDDEEEEEEE
I guess JP's target audience really is incels. Men who are able to date multiple women (which is most of them by the way), don't just marry any that would say yes.
I agree with focusing on yourself, but making fun of discernment is surprisingly naive
Glad you’re happy about Tobias… I don’t wanna rain on your parade man, all I’m gonna say is I’m just happy he’s off my basketball team 😂
My conditions for a woman:
Is a woman
Is a Christian
Is Respectful and kind
Wants kids
Oh i like those questions... do you like her... do you respect her... and do people you respect, respect her... ive probably missed my five chances though
I agree with JP on most things, but not this!!! Many men can choose now.
...but what if you just flat out lose attraction towards the girl a year or so into the relationship?
Pander to women by crapping on men.
simping at its worst
Yeah I'm shocked that the answer is "whoever says yes". I just heard about a guy who he found out right after getting married and having a baby that his wife was a prostitute before. She hid it for years. Totally devastated him. How many more divorces do men need to go through from women who just claim they are bored by stability?
You must be wearing black velvet Merluti slippers with that jacket, Jordan.
Ha.
What if you have women lining up for u ? Which should u go for?
Go for the one that matches best with you on the big 5 personality traits, and has the same fundamental values as you, and you can formulate a reasonable shared vision of a future with regarding family and kids. And someone who can put you together when you're being dumb, so you can become a better person. And hopefully do the same for her.
I feel you bro. I hear people’s how they met stories. “She looked at me and I could tell she liked me so I went for it.” Yeah well what if that’s happened so many times in your life you can’t count.
Makes it a bit less special. Need a way to make it special.
If she is saying yes... Lmao
Me: All I gotta think about is what can offer and I’ll get laid?! Okay okay. Brain! what can I offer?
Brain: nothing.
Me: well that’s depressing… you up for pizza?
Brain: always.
Jordan Peterson about to bust out the Hot-Crazy Matrix
2:04
Wow, hard to watch these guys debase themselves on camera. They have such strong messages, but when it comes to women, they just roll over.
Yes lol cus the are real simps. White knight simps who think women are innocent creatures it’s pathetic. He says he wants to help men but is he really? He hates them mainly because
I love JP! Let’s ask the Lord and His Blessed Mother to snap him out of Pelagianism!
Stupid question? Stupid answer.
Problem is there are just so many 304s nowadays......
Maybe it’s just you revolving around such people? Plenty of good people around, probably you just want one of those 304s and offended they don’t
@@impossiblegirl5700 unfortunately there is a pandemic of 304s.
@@bevillenz in internet probably yes. Not surprising when youtube only shows everyone just 1% of people and suddenly it feels like truth. But once you get outside, it's fine so far. Matter of focus
I don't even love me...
I get it takes resources to raise a family. BUT it always sounds like a business transaction to find "the one". So they only like me when I got money......
Question is do you only like them when they got looks? I never met a man who wouldn’t say “I want her to be pretty and so on”. Because if so, that’s flat out transaction, so no offence
if they like you because of your money then they obviously don't like YOU, it's the money they like. But many woman are just normal women who want to find love in the face of a mature, responsible, honest, reliable and hardworking man. They need to feel that he is able to provide for her and protect her so that they can trust you. So you have to be trustworthy
0:12 as if someone else can’t say yes. This bending over backwards for women is getting a bit old
.
Halo has been great for me!
I used to play halo combat evolved in engineering class till the administrators banned it
I usually like his content, but he is just way off the mark here. You really think she is the one just because she says yes? Many awful women say yes for many reasons. There are thousands of stories of women who were absolutely not the right ones and still said yes.
I get what he wants to point out, and I agree: Soul mates are made, not born. But some are better suitable than others. If I want to make a good table, I need to have the right wood. It doesn´t need to be the perfect wood. And it needs work to become a table. But there is a better and worse, and some wood will not be good. If it turns out, there was a bug in it, it will break in a few years and all your work is for nothing.
There is also God's will.
meow
Im not lucky someone likes me lol
This conversation is lacking a lot of nuance in my opinion.
As if Peterson knows....please 🤦🏼♀️
JP's still able to show his face after what he's done. Wow, the audacity to support geno and act like nothing happened is just beyond me.