How we were disciplined as children and what it taught us as parents | Fridays with Tab and Chance
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- čas přidán 10. 08. 2023
- Today we are talking about discipline. So many of you sent in these questions: How were we disciplined as children? How do we discipline our children? How has our parenting style changed as we had more children? Lets get into it!
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#fridayswithtabandchance #tabithabrown #podcast - Zábava
Tab dropped a few knowledge bars… “parents need discipline too” had me shouting…. “you fail when you don’t make an adjustment” 🙌🏾….. “you can still be gentle while applying pressure” come-on Tab!!
My parents taught me you deal with your children how they are and each one is different. So yes you adapt and evolve to be able to give each child what they need! This was great!
Thank You, and you are absolutely Correct‼️💯
I feel so many children today do not understand there are “consequences” for their actions and behaviors, because there has been no discipline from their parents. This was a great topic. Thank you to those who requested the topic.
Absolutely! Look at CONald Trump. 😂
I agree with Chance... You should discipline children at the toddler age. How the old saying goes ...you can bend a sap while it's a sap, but when it becomes a tree you cannot bend a tree! I believe since being in the schools as a Teacher and seeing how some children are not being disciplined is the result of what's going on in the world right now.
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I agree! And you’d be surprised how they work! My two year old told me he was angry the other day and I was so proud I almost she’d a tear! I told him to tell me when he’s angry so I can help him stay out of trouble. Communication is the key!
I agree with your thought! I am also a retired teacher who taught on the high seas of the School District of Philadelphia from the 80s to 2000s. Which was beyond rough during those times & worse now. Now the early discipline I got from my parents and the early discipline I put in my son helped. My parents were warriors when it came to having a good character & I followed the trail when I raised my son & taught my students in the classroom. And that foundation worked then & works to this day no matter how bad the times are. You have to be brave when you are a parent & not tell you wrong is right.
It is illegal to spank children in the Netherlands, so my children grew up learning discipline with benevolence. and without fear.
I’m a single parent of 9. When you said your youngest son has the better version of you resonated so much! My oldest is 31 and my youngest is 13 and I always say my younger children has the better version of me, because I was always in survival mode with my older children and my stress levels were off the charts!! It’s a real challenge raising them and dealing with 9 different personalities but I wouldn’t change it for the world!! I Absolutely Love Y’all Please Keep This Going ❤
Lord Jesus 9!! I’m contemplating if I want to have one! Bless you
Absolutely True💯💯💖
Chance, I like how you explained a whooopin’ vs abuse. That’s what my brother & I got. When I became an adult, I told my mother “Thank you”. We are nonviolent, loving, respectful, responsible & independent adults. That form of discipline worked for us❤️
You can turn it around as much as you want, it still is physical child abuse. Period.
My dad called them whoopings but they were brutal. It was abuse.
Whupping, Spanking, Beating, Smacking... they're all forms of violence.
@@chriskirksey9891🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I hope you are also matter of factly commenting under/in social media posts/spaces where a lot of Caucasians are, esp. Caucasian parents who use corporal punishment or Caucasians who have chosen to wear the blue uniform but somehow find themselves immediately and erringly using extreme violence against unarmed citizens, usu. African Americans. Maybe you should start a non-profit re-training such boys in blue of all races who have been videotaped red handed making such an irrational decision to use gun violence out of intense fear that there are gun toting magic-trick carry-n-concealing African Americans waiting to whip out their well hidden guns or use guns that they just happen to be casually holding instead of a cell phone or bottle of soda pop, against cops. When you figure that out you can come over here talking to African Americans about parenting skills -- esp. those who choose to use light "violence" to discipline their children/grandchildren.
Amen🙌🏿🙏🏽❤️
As a child, I was called nappy headed, stupid, dumb, and dense amongs other things. I could never imagine saying those things to my children no matter what they do 😢
Life changes from Birth to Death, and as we go through life, change with the times. I have two Sons, one was an easy going Child and was goal oriented in his teenage years, didn’t get into trouble, etc. The youngest Son was much more challenging, he was sick at birth and he was spoiled, and at the time I didn’t know that I should have treated him like I treated his brother, instead I was a little more lenient in discipline, because of his illness situation!! There’s no manual on raising children. Take it one child at a time. Have Faith, God, and a lot of prayers 🙏🏽❤️
My parents said something similar to me, the way they dealt with me isn’t the way they could deal with my younger brother. He was more sensitive, quieter spirit, slightly fragile. Each child is different
All Facts. Discipline is not just for the child; we, as parents, must be disciplined in our parenting. #FullCircle
I loved this episode ❤, I’m 20 with no kids lol but a college student studying psychology. What I’ve learned from my parents and taking care of my nephew is how influential our actions/behaviors are. Most ppl think kids don’t know things but they do. They see everything, they hear things. For example, a child who sees their parent(s) with good mannerism will follow that, just like seeing both parents cooperate, love and respect each other. It’s scary but empowering.
Unless the kid gets linked with the wrong crowd, then some of us folks be quick to blame the parents😒
If u were 2 ask my son (only child) he probably would tell u I was like Chance's mom (I'm the 5'2 tornado) when I was raising him 😂😂 bt I'm THANKFUL & BLESSED that we have a great relationship & he's a good man 💙💙
I love how Tab says "deh-dee" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Them southern accents tickle me every time! 🤣
Sameee
I almost shouted when Chance said displine should start early..I so agree,this brought back memories..thus was wonderful segment..I am just full.Good job!
That's the only way, in my opinion. I believe that in every aspect of raising a child. Whatever you want to make a habit out of you teach them early.
Tab said Never Would Have Made It, Oh I was rolling laughing, that's hilarious 😂😂😂 bc that's literally how it feels/felt😂
I agree. The most discipline is needed in the early stages to set the foundation. As our children go older I believe we will have to correct them less because we put the work in up front.
My Dad never punished by spanking or physically. He would always ground me for 2 weeks.
I'd be like, "Dad, can't you just spank me so that I can go outside?" 😂
I'm certainly glad now, and I do agree. Violence and fear solves/teaches absolutely nothing.
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The Story about Quest was beautiful and inspiring and I myself have to break generational curses within my
own family.
I tried spanking my son and he went to daycare the next day and hit the babysitter. She told me it was out of character for him and asked me what changed. I never spanked him again. Also, it's very important to teach our kids Karate. Karate teaches you when to talk away and how to protect yourself if you ever need to.
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TAB & CHANCE need their own show so real and down to earth ..This Podcast is the Best❤
I’m glad my parents disciplined me. I wasn’t as harsh on raising my daughter. I thought that I had failed, but I realized that I’m not a perfect parent. My daughter turned out just fine.
every time i hear “spare the rod spoil the child” i hope people realize you can guide with the rod. beating a child with the rod isn’t necessary. i’ve definitely tapped my son’s hands or butt before when he was younger but he’s 7 now and i don’t have to inflict any pain onto him for him to listen to my direction. my brother & i were beat. i’ve had a bruised tailbone and bleeding legs. i understand the times my mom & uncle were raised in but at some point adults have to sit back and reflect on what will help not what their pride or old ways says is punishable “good or bad”. beatings didn’t help me at all they made me angry. i know everyone’s whooping stories vary but i use my experience to mindfully guide my son and love him thru any situation. i loved this episode.
I'm 59yrs old and will be 60 August 18. I'm much older than you two but I love ya'll commentary ❤ #beenmarriedfor32yrs❤ never to old to learn❤
This was a great show! 👏🏽 This is why I love to coach parents. No parent instruction manuals given, give yourself grace. 💚
I was whip beat pop talk during all that. But i did do to my kids I talked and gave them things to do in the house. Took away things or didnt buy them things. Thank God it worked they turn out great. Talking to them had them crying like you though i hit them. Hit with words and feelings.
My daughter 😂
This was the way my parents raised my brother and I. We were told when you were born we wasn’t given a manual, we raised you the best we knew.. We were in Church and we were taught by our parents the word of God. He came first then everything else would fall right into place. Never address an adult with a what or yeah if my Daddy called my name I best answer with Sir or my Mother called my name it was Yes Ma’am if I addressed her or my Daddy with a what or yeah omg. My Parents said we are trying to teach you so that society doesn’t because they want teach you the right way. We all ate dinner together and we had a certain time we had to be home and if we didn’t call and say that we were going to be late and why we were grounded.. In our home Respect was a big thing too my parents. My Daddy said respect is earned it’s not given... If we talked back omg which we didn’t that was just something I never done.. We had to make good grades or we were grounded. They just wanted better for us. Trust and believe if we came home with F’s well you knew what came next.. I am thankful for my parents I didn’t get into trouble my brother done enough for us both he was a mess... But I will say all 4 of his children are very respectful he may have acted like he didn’t care but he did it showed through his children and mine are very respectful...
FANTASTIC conversation!! Our children are living in a Different World. The discipline has to change👏🏾👏🏾❤️
Absolutely. We need to instill a healthy fear as opposed to a morbid fear in your children.
We should NEVER instill fear in children!
What's so healthy about fear?
@@chriskirksey9891 the type that makes us not want to disappoint our parents. Not the “my parents are going to kill me” type of fear.
@@Ella.L. I will respond the same way to you as I did to another. It’s the type that makes you not want to disappoint your parents; not the “my parents are going to kill me” type of fear. I fear disappointing my parents but I don’t fear that they will hurt or harm me.
@@sher696 Ohhh okay. Thank you for clarifying that. Because people often use "healthy fear" and twist it to mean "fear my parents will hurt me" as a justification for it.
I truly get this!! I was 22 yrs old when I had my 1st child (daughter)!! And a single parent!! She is totally different from my youngest child!! Parenting was different for the youngest bc I was married!! I allowed my youngest to be a kid!! My oldest could clean house pay all the bills!! It would be like I myself never left!! The youngest moma can u make my dr’s appointment the house is a mess!! But the youngest is easily directed!! The old I had to put the fear of God in her!! Each child is different!! So parenting has to be different!! Plus now I am tired!!😂😂😂🙋🏾♀️❤️❤️
I’m a single mother of 3 ages 18, 16, & 3 years old. I definitely parent/discipline my 3 year old son differently than I did with my girls. They always complain about that too. Haha! But I remind them that I’ve evolved since then 🤷🏾♀️ I don’t do things the same way & that’s ok.
Great message, being a parent is very hard sometimes because you don’t get a instruction book, I have 2 sons and I pray for them daily and when things are over top, I always give to God in prayer because somethings only he can fix it 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🤗
Amazing how parenthood gives us an opportunity to heal and grow…I have learned so so much from raising my daughter. Children are a blessing!
With my eldest two, I did discipline them more than my youngest. I was also younger and was heavily influenced by old-school disciplinary family members. I do realize discipline is beneficial and I am incorporating a healthy balance for my little one.
I'm glad you guys talked about this in a way where the black community understands this. I had "whoopin" stories that I laugh about and am not traumatized at all by the whoopins themselves. However, the things that did traumatize me, that I remember very vividly are issues dealing with unfair treatment, being in trouble for something I didn't do, and my mom (not my father) breaking promises. Those things affected me far more than any whoopin I ever got. And you guys are correct about whoopins and whippins being different. Also, the main thing i decided to do differently than what my mother did is not do the "because i said so" thing. When i tell my children to do or not to do something, I ALWAYS explain why. My generation's parents didnt feel like they had to explain anything to a child, ; the child should just comply because the parent said so, and i just didnt agree with that and i was a very smart child.
🙏🏾 Thank you for sharing!
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I always tell my children that they would have never survived the "Grace Phifer" era 😂😂. My grandma was a no nonsense type of woman and when she pulled up after working all day (as a nurse) in the OR at Beth Israel hospital...you better have a broom, mop or something in your hand!😂😂 But as stern as she was, I thank God for her and all she instilled in me. ❤
Funny......I was born in beth Israel hospital.....
I was just having this conversation with my daughter and my mom last night. I told my daughter, “that lady right there, your grandma, used to terrorize me! I’m like the cool mom compared to her!” And my mom just sitting there nodding her head without any remorse while I’m telling my daughter all the horror stories!! 😂😂😂my moms response was, I wanted you to be a good person! Lol
There are times when spanking is appropriate/attention-getters, are not bad. I feel that Chance hit the nail on the head, Healthy Fear is the key and overall we are now dealing with a generation of kids who are very entitled and have no sense of healthy fear or consequences. I truly enjoy their Friday's and this one was great! It was intelligent and not attacking of traditional black parenting style.
Y’all song just be playing in my head when Friday’s get here and don’t go away until the episode airs.
Choyce killed it with that one! It’s how we sing all days of the week with my toddlers at this point 😂
I definitely know about those switches and so did my children, but I also gave them Thus said the Lord. I must say a lot of these children today are out of hand; some of them are ruling their parents! They talk back and have no manners! Yes each child is different and keep to be disciplined differently. Tabitha and Chance , you'll gave some Great Advice. Peace and Blessings to you both.🙏👍❤❤
Such an important. Message as always, deceptively sophisticated. Discipline doesn't = spankings.
Awww Quest reminds me of me. But lord knows when it’s time he will remember those skills and he will use them. Believe that! Only when necessary. His heart is big. He has lots of empathy for others. That story alone tells me that. God bless that baby and all of y’all.
Tab and Chance, you're a Blessing 🙌 🙏 I say that because so many people always feel because there's not a man in the house that a single person is less than a parent, not true, Blessing to you both for acknowledging single parents... sometimes relationships just don't work, but I Thank God that we co- parent very well.. I thank God that we had great appreciation for each other when it came to our child..
Hooray, and Thank you again! 😊 😊Blessings 🙌 Always
I got my tail tore up too! I spanked my 3 sons but as they got older… I didn’t physically punish them as much.
Every child is different so discipline will be different per child. Also once a child is a certain age 11-12, disciple should be different also dependent on the child.
I had a rough evening with my 2 year old year and I was hard on myself all night because of it. I needed this today, thank you ❤
Seize the opportunity.
Train up a child in the way they should go and will not depart from it.Thats a FACT, There are so many outside influences children have to deal with.
You be the Greatest influence.
You love your child so discipline her now give her that foundation and it will be easier for the both of you.
I learn something every time I tune in. I have to say I have a hard time hearing my daughters tell me something I did parenting them that damaged them. However listening to you both I realize I have to be gentle with myself. Like Chance I had my first daughter in high school. So my husband and I was kids ourselves raising a baby. Growing up with our daughter through the growing pains. I could go on and on but just wanted to say thank you Tab and Chance! You both are amazing and I thank God for you. Peace!
This story about Quest and his peaceful nature gives me so much hope for the future generations....
My mom was the, not a, perfect storm! My mom was crazy, but hey, now when I look back, every major disaster was earned. I didn’t get black folk spankings, I got black mom beatings. Love my mom with all the love that is within me❤😢😊🥰
We supported each other when it came to teaching our child...😊
This was a great episode!!! Thank you!!! ❤
Tab we are twins! I didn’t want a whipping and in our family one get in trouble everybody got a whipping even if you didn’t do anything. I hated that.
Hi, Tabitha. You are so pretty and darling. Truly in each of your videos you send so much sympathy, love and comfort. I'm really happy to give you support and love and I always adore too all your so pretty and so clear smiles
Y’all already know I’m here for the intro. Tab you so young
Great show and you hit it on the head that discipline is for the adult and the child. I remember when God has disciplined me while I was disciplining my child.
Good topic to discuss! Thanks for being transparent!
I so appreciate this discussion
My dad would talk to me & my sister before he would whoop us…always ending the talk with, “I still love you”…🤣…my mom on the other hand, was the smackin queen, with whatever was in her hand🤣 and she wasn’t talkin to us first🤣
Honestly, my daughter with special needs has made me go into a different level of maturity. I can’t use popping or yelling. Also, I worked in behavioral corrections and through talking to several clients realized that all had physical discipline even the ones who are no longer with us. It forced me to realize I need to come up with other options
love this comment . thank you for sharing .
Great show, I agree. My son got in line if I raised my voice at him. Where as my daughter needed either a whoopin or a punishment. I didn’t like to do punishments because it punished the entire family.
This is such a wonderful conversation around discipline and parenting. 👏🏽
Tabitha, you took me all the way back, especially thinking about when I had to go pick my switch off the tree and it better be the right one or you had to go back and pick out another one and your spanking would be worse! You have a beautiful soul, Tabatha, and a beautiful family, I don’t mean your looks, I mean your glow from being a good person it’s the inside that counts. Have a wonderful weekend.❤
You are so right Chance discipline should start in the toddler and early ages. I am so thankful for this needed conversation. I so wish all our communities could
hear this!! Thanks Tab and Chance.
Hey y’all ! Greetings from Atlanta! Thank you for allowing God to use to you bless others🙏🏾.
My momma didn’t play, so I never went there with her. I didn’t play with my daughter when she was little, so I think she always thinks twice before she even thinks about bugging out on me. Now, full transparency, I have a special needs son and I wasn’t strict enough with him as a small kid and now I am paying for it now that he is a teenager 😢.
Prayerfully things will get better!💙
@@ksayrah1987 thank you 🤗
See my parents abused me. Dislocated wrists, and ankles. Never took me to the dr, kuz they knew what they did was wrong, so they’d send me to my grandma who had resentment towards me for whatever reason, and she’d “massage” it back into place. WORST pain ever. As a kid, I always thought that was normal, but now as an adult, I realized they were abusing me and avoiding the dr because of all the scratches, bruises, swelling, and dislocated joints. As an adult, having 3 kids on my own, I did start spanking them once they were around 2 years old, it wasn’t abuse like my parents, but it was smacking the hands, or spanking their bottoms. Never left a bruise, scratch, or ANY thing on my kids, however, one day, I realize they were scared of me, and I didn’t like that. They’d cower whenever they knew they messed up, and I didn’t like that my own kids feared me. So I started therapy, and now, I rarely use spanking as a method of discipline. Maybe once a year that it happens lmao, and even then, I start crying 🤣 Tab talking about her dad crying made me cry LMFAO kuz I know that feeling. It’s regret that we let our own child get to us to that point, it’s not our child’s fault that we can’t control our frustration, and we still chose to spank them as a way to let it out, and now we’re full of regret and guilt lol. Doesn’t change the fact that the child didn’t listen, and deserves a consequence, but we prefer grounding and we made a poor choice as the adult. Clear difference between abuse, and corporal punishment.
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I can’t wait to hear the other side of this song cause it’s going to be the CZcams song of the Year!!!💎🙌🏽
I thought this was a refreshing conversation. I watched this as I worked out. I love the chemistry that Tab and Chance have with one another. They listen to each other and you can see how Tab is so in tune with what and how Chance speaks and vice versa. Parents certainly need to figure out the best way to discipline their kids. They cannot allow their children to take over their household. Uh Uh ...no way.
This is one of the best videos I have watched in a while. I love how you gave your experience, mistakes in parenting the girls and the way you both adjusted with your son. I was feeling so horrible about the way my daughter turned out, I blamed myself many times and have distanced myself from watching her go down her path. I’m encouraged by this video, thank you 🙏
Sending you a hug 🤗
Me too 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂❤❤❤
This conversation made my spirit so full❤🥰💖🙏🏾😄
I think there should be a mixture of disciplines. Ppl have began to not discipline and then wonder why these kids are so bad or disrespectful. Don’t leave discipline to the world. U don’t have to whop them all the time but they need to understand consequences. God disciplines us. He said He chasten those He loves. Also Make sure u communicate as well. The younger the better. This was a great topic.
I agree. I tried that gentle parenting method with my youngest child but, conceded that while it may work for others it does not work for her.
Amen Chance👍🏾You do need to start with the discipline at a very Early Age… when they are toddlers, having raised 5 children by myself, trust me it definitely helps and makes the difference‼️👏🏾 And as my Grandmother would say “You Can’t Bend A Tree.” That’s Facts💯
Blessings everyone
Well done Tab and Chance!!! As a parent, I give myself grace and know that in that moment I did what I could with my children but I am free to adjust my parenting style when needed.
This hits so close to home and I learned something regarding my child comming up with different options to handle or diffuse situations.
I definitely enjoyed this. I wasn't a bad kid but I did get into trouble and received spanking. I started parenting that way with my older child and as time went on it went out the window. I have become a gentle parent but similar to a quiet storm. I try to pick and choose my battles and I often let things build without punishment. I give warnings and advice as the issues build. On major issues that storm hit and when it hit God better grab me lol. My mom once told me baby I had step back because you scared me too. I blessed to have two well mannered and smart young ladies. There is so much influence in the world and I often address alot so they know where I stand plus it sets the tone for a open dialogue.
Our parents did what they knew and we came out just fine
Another great topic!♥️🙏🏽♥️
I used to get lectures so long, I'd beg for a whooping 😂
I love y'all sooooooooooooo much,the world needs you both,for real,for real!!!!!
Love you guys! Growing up in Brazil 40 years ago the Havaianas sandals were the tool of choice for most parents 😅. Man, those sandals spent more time on their hands than on their feet 🤣 and I have to say it's not that different today. Those things came flying like a drone when you tried to run outside to avoid the spanking! I do agree with you guys that physical discipline is not the way to go though. We as adults don't hit each other when we "mess up". Why do we have to do that to a child who has no experience in life and is still learning how to navigate in this world. Imagine if our boss, partner, or whoever would spank/ hit us every time we made a mistake??? How would we feel? We as children obeyed our parents out of the fear of being spanked again but not necessarily learned the lesson the way we should have, in my opinion. So I do agree that explaining why certain behaviors are not acceptable is the most important tool to "discipline" a child. They are so smart! They understand what we are saying! I really like the podcast "Ellen Fisher" did with "Dr. Laura Markham" on this very same topic. It's a different concept from what I grew up on but it totally makes sense to me now. Check it out if you are interested 😊
Like they say hard times make tough people, tough people makes easy times,easy times make easy people, easy people make tough times…. Smtn like that
acknowledge the differences, appreciate and learn from them, teach each other self respect, respect of others, humility and discipline
Chance, mom, sounds like my mom😊 God rest her soul❤
That’s what I tell my daughter 🫢🤣🤣🤣🤣 you were the test model
Love y'all! Amen!🙏🏾💕🥰
Love how she look at him for approval of the higher CHANCE note 🎶🎵🎶🎵!
It sound great to me!
Wow! Did all siblings throw rocks at your window……dang! I thought it was just my brothers🤣🤣🤣
It is imperative to instill discipline and assist them with a foundation of self control during the formative years. if you practice these and model them, you will then be able to have proper conversations and teaching moments build on loving mutual respect.
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This was very good!! Love me some Tab & Chance!! Teaching me how to be a better listener, I struggle with that but y'all listen to eacother so well, that's beautiful 😻 and I am a single mom so thankyou Tab for acknowledging the single moms! Love y'all so much, and Choice is pretty as she can be ! And so funny like her mom.. God bless! Thanks a bunch!
I agree with so many of the comments already stated about this topic and how well you both spoke on your experiences and advice. Thank you. Let us all continue to normalize evolving how we parent in this world. I want to point out also my appreciation of you both sharing Quest's different personality, and how you both came to see disciplining him different in that context. Chance I especially want to say it warmed my heart to see how you have respected your son's decision around not wanting to be so physical in self defense. For some of our men this can turn into some type of overstimulated macho intervention, but you sound like you have handled it with sensitivity and wisdom. Love you both and how you work together. I don't think this was talked about as much, but it would be interested to know how you handled the conflict of either you both maybe not being on the same page on how to discipline or other family members who disagreed with your evolution in parenting.
Great show excellent topic discussion thanks for sharing and the advice may God continue to bless you both richly ❤
yessss ive been waiting all week I love you guys
Omg thank you so much for this ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
❤I like that gentle while applying pressure
I’m so glad y’all having this conversation
This is enlightening and confirmation to some of my prayers
Love y’all
I needed this thank you ❤
I love y’all!! Can y’all get microphones? I be struggling at work trying to hear the episodes of our background noise.
Enjoy this session alot. Can relate to the switch picking. 😅 Thought that was only an island thing. And guess what? It didn't kill us, but rather made us stronger. May God continues to Bless you and your family ❤
I agree with Chance that if you start early with good discipline you will not/should not need to discipline as hard later because your child understands what is expected/acceptable behavior. Love this topic!
This is a great convo!
Thank you so much for this! It was the transparency and encouragement for me! Greatly appreciated ❤️
The wisdom and affirmation you both bring to me makes me smile