This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler To Ignore You…
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- čas přidán 18. 05. 2024
- If you have to repeat the same thing 10 times and eventually raise your voice before your toddler will listen, here's what to do instead.
It's easy to fall into a pattern that actually teaches your toddler that this is just the normal way of doing things. In a way they become trained to ignore you the first few times and wait until you show them you're really serious before they pay attention.
That's never fun. It's stressful for you as a parent and that stress can transfer to your little one as well.
So what do you do about it?
There are actually 7 steps you can take to get your toddler to listen the first time. Each of these steps are quite easy to build into your behavior and they work really well as long as you're consistent.
There may be some resistance at first, but these are all really gentle techniques (no yelling required) that will dramatically improve your toddlers listening over time. Hopefully it's not long until your toddler no longer ignores you when you ask them to do something!
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00:00 - 01:42 : First Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
01:43 - 02:07 : Second Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
02:08 - 02:31 : Third Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
02:32 - 05:13 : Fourth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
05:14 - 05:22 : Fifth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
05:23 - 05:56 : Sixth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
05:57 - 07:58 : Final Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling
#emmahubbard #babydevelopment #toddlertantrums
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• This Mistake Teaches Y...
Thanks for watching! Do you think this will work with your toddler?
Don’t forget to get your communication milestones chart here:
brightestbeginning.com/communicationmilestoneschart/
I love your videos! Sorry to be slightly off topic but can you please make a video about your opinion on sleep training methods, particularly Ferber? And their long term effect on the psychological health of babies? This is a controversial topic and I can't find a conclusive answer. I think your input will be very valuable. Thank you!
Who has time to stop multi tasking and focus on a toddler? It would take an entire village worth of people helping with the kid in order for mom to be that focused...hmm...that sounds familiar...
@@ChiefHerzensCoach You sound a bit mental, my friend. There's nothing in this vid that states that there's an expectation of total submission. Toddlers do need to pay attention to adults. Adults need to time their instructions properly, and stop multi tasking when it's time to parent. You missed the point of the video entirely. When children are calm and submissive, they're the most mentally healthy. They are slowly and gently elevated in the pack order by their parents, until they surpass their parents and become self actualized, but parents are the pack leaders first. Hierarchy is natural law. Power and responsibility go together, and the reason children can't handle power is because they lack the experience to be fully responsible for themselves. Just because you're butt hurt about authoritarian parenting doesn't mean you should misunderstand and attack authoritative parenting. Too emo to reason.
Does this work with older kids like first graders ?
I'm having an issue with my toddler spitting his drink on everything(floor, toys, shirt). Any advice?
I was discussing with my nephew about whether or whether not we are putting on shoes. He wanted to go outside. Turns out he didn’t understand the connection between going outside and putting on shoes (it was cold and wet outside, in summer I don’t mind barefoot). For him it was like „I wanna go outside“ „okay. We‘re going to do this completely unrelated thing now though“ and he got frustrated, so after saying let’s put on our shoes twice I explained it and said „you said you want to go outside right? We cannot go barefoot because it’s cold. We have to put our shoes on in order to go outside“. He sat down happily and was very glad we were finally putting on shoes and going outside. It didn’t even occur to me that he might not understand the connection at the time. Tbf I was 18ish back then and have learned a lot over the years 😁 but yeah, sometimes we just have to keep in mind their brains just work differently and see why they don’t do what we would like them to do
Our younger son as a toddler, when told it was bedtime, the first thing he would do was to turn off the family TV and stand in front of it until we stood up and put things away along with him, and we ourselves got ready for bed when he did.
It was irritating, but impressive.
omg he uno reverse card-ed you
@@anjafrohlich1170 what's up with god ?!
Tells you who's in control.
@@miyounova why do you care?
@@anjafrohlich1170 You sure about that?
Half of your children need eye contact to hear. The other half are unable to hear while being forced to have eye contact. Learning this is powerful and explained to me why some of my kids listened to me and others didn't.
This is the best explanation of parenthood that I have ever read 😂
Good advice. It's really about how they receive
This only happens with kids whose parents didn't know the vid above. If the consequences of not responding are adequate they hear you alright. It's only the conscientious ones who hear you otherwise.
@@lorrimang I would recommend Body of 9 to learn why I am accurate. It is a physiological thing.
That kind of catering does not prepare them to function in the world.
You can also give them choices such as "would you like to walk to the car like a dog or like a bunny". They are so caught up trying to figure out which one they want they don't even consider that there are other options. LOL
This made me laugh. My kids would spend more energy thinking up other options to avoid doing either than it would take to do the actual walking!
@@juiice :D
Lol this is genius, thanks for the tip
@juiice yup, I've tried the option stuff and it opens a portal to hell everytime.
Mine would simply say "no I want to dance"
As this video began, I was thinking: “it’s bedtime!” isn’t an instruction... So, yes, to agree with you, telling them something like “please go and choose the PJs you want” (for example) does tend to get a better response. I’m constantly surprised by how specific I need to be! (“Wash your hands with soap! Sit on your bottom!”etc.) Just getting used to it and my youngest is 4 😆 (my oldest (8) is autistic with language challenges so we continue to use short, clear instructions for him.)
Mum always hated parents who did that "1,2,3" bs because it teaches the child to keep acting out until 3. You only give them one ask and if they don't listen, act accordingly.
It also incorrectly teaches them that timers start at one instead of zero.
Engagement is key - being fully present and undistracted is how I got my kids to pay attention. This has carried on into their teens...at least so far...check back in a few years to see how that went. 😜
What do you mean? Can you explain please?
@@mayathebraveofkitwanga448 I'm always aware of where they are and what they are doing and why. In that way, if they are not responding, we can stop and talk about it, which we did - usually calmly and lovingly. I gave them lots of room to wander and play and work through things, but by being aware, I was prepared and informed - the message was always, "dad is on the job."
@@justinahole336 make sure they also get privacy (especially as teens) but otherwise you seem to be doing very well, keep it up!!
@@theknight1573 Awe! Thanks! Agreed! Privacy and autonomy are really important in the teen years - it's all about separation and independence. but, again, check back to see if I got it right.
@@theknight1573 privacy is important, but even privacy has limits, when you're a minor your parent still has to check on you now and then, safety always comes before privacy.
I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure this advice will work with some adults too... 🤣 joking aside, great video!
My ex wife is a great example, running around "let's go, let's go" but she was still starring in her phone and didn't got ready. And even as an adult your learn pretty fast after sitting around fully dressed and sweating, just wait until she gets pissed and starts screaming around that you just scream back in response "your screaming around since 15 min to get ready and your the only one that not ready".
It does! 100%, people respond to clear positive communication. Just add in normal adult tone to prevent condescension
Works with animals as well. Big Dogs need clear guidance or they can hurt someone. And that's on you not them.
adults are toddlers
@@yo6285 beg to disagree. Some are babies ...
This is perfect…I always thought I should wait to give a consequence after asking a couple times but I realized my 2 year old was doing exactly what you were saying, learning that she can push it off till I ask over and over…I did start getting more strict and enforcing consequences after one time but now I will be consistent…this was very helpful..
children are not adults, they are learning, meaning they dont come pre-learned. Same goes with "being ungrateful" or "bothering on purpose", they cant express an emotion they havent learned yet, you cant proyect unto children your asumptions of how adults behave.
The parent trains the toddler, and the toddler trains the parent. For example, you got trained to talk about consequences.
@@ReaderViaNil and once they learn those emotions/thoughts/principles, they WILL try them out on you. And your response will teach them what happens if they do. Know from experience for the one time I intentionally bugged my mom until she broke 😅
Don’t just feed them food; eat your food along with feeding them; and be excited about eating your food.
"... you need to be fully present with your toddler ...." -- in my personal experience (which includes the role of a parent), raising the moment by moment level of "presence" is all that is ever needed to face any challenge -- not just dealing with toddlers. By simply being more present you need not clutter your mind with endless lists of (well meaning) rules and guidelines. Through personal experimentation it has become clear that right/appropriate action always flows forth in presense.
Thanks for all your help being a first timer grandpa. Just one item I want to bring up is when my little 4 month old girl is crying I take her to my aquarium 100 gal with big colorful fish, and she is completely enthralled for about 30 mins!! I love my aquarium along with the little one!!
You sound like a fantastic Grandpa :-)
Thank you, I try!
You’re an awesome grandpa God bless you and your family and grand babies to come ! In Jesus Name Amen 😊
wow, good she has learned to swim so young
I'm going through this EXACT ISSUE with my toddler right now. Thank you for this advice - I can't believe that, despite having studied psychology over half my life and having worked for years in that field, I haven't realized this pattern. I truly, TRULY am grateful for this video.
i hate parents i hope you all d1e😂😂😹
I also have a background and psychology and have definitely learned just how difficult it is to recognize patterns in your own behavior-I think knowing your intentions (regardless of whether or not they come to fruition) behind your behavior can certainly cloud your perception of yourself. I really struggled training my dog bc he isn’t the most trainable (he’s half husky) and would’ve likely been very successful with a dog who is eager to please, highly motivated by food/praise/play, and not strong willed. But my dog presented challenges that made me change my behaviors to make things easier, and my approach wasn’t as effective. I reflected often on how I was approaching things, and I was fully willing to admit mistakes I made, but i didn’t have success identifying the issues in my approach until I decided to go to a trainer. She helped me see things I was simply blind to, no matter how hard I tried to be objective and how often I assessed myself and reflected on things I needed to improve on. It’s especially important, I think, for those of us with backgrounds in psych to remain humble, reflective, always willing to admit mistakes or weaknesses, and be eager to learn from others! My mentors always encouraged us to seek counseling to help us stay aware of ourselves so our own shortcomings didn’t get in the way of our job.
Another way to model desired behavior is to put your phone down and respond to your kids the first time, instead of mumbling "mommy's doing wordle sweetie."
Emma, you are a true gem! This is the perfect level of parental education we are missing out there. No exaggerated emotions, just simple instructions without losing our minds. Sometimes I do wonder: since when we pay more attention to really investing ourselves in, say dog training, rather than developing a effective communication with our kids? Not comparing dogs to kids, but sort of I am… Because if you think about it, both require our clear leadership and as less negative emotions as possible with support! Thank you for your content!
Thank you Kamila!
Applied behavioral Analyses is like this. It's fancy Psychology......that feels like dog training.
@@kellharris2491 I second that..
It most certainly does.
I like to give my 3yo a choice related to what needs to be done. Something like "Time to get in the car! Would you like to take your airplane or your helicopter in the car with you?" I don't always remember this but it really helps to get the focus off of stopping what we're doing and more on what fun thing we're doing next.
I'm a primary school teacher and this advice was really helpful for behavioural management. Thanks!
scary youre already a teacher and dont kno this. not just you im sure. this is why i pay for private for my kids
@@otpays8552 Not as scary as the fact you reproduced.
@@otpays8552 and u think privat schools are any better the teachers who learn to become normal teachers teach in privat schools I was in one and it was a waste of money some are good but u have to be lucky enough or search long enough too find them
@@otpays8552 the benefits of private education are the class sizes, extra-curricular opportunities and long term connections and biases that will help the child when applying for uni/jobs etc. The teachers are not necessarily any better or more qualified.
If you’re happy sending your children to private school, good for you. You don’t need to try and tear someone down in the process of boasting about being able to do so, though.
While I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the underlying behaviorist paradigm that seems to be peeking through, I think there were good advice here. I would add that sometimes it can be a good idea to tell your small child ahead of time that they will have to pack up their things and do something else. If a child is engrossed in play, it can be jarring to be pulled from that right away. The child might need time to mentally get ready.
I think this is super important information for teachers and teaching assistants dealing with slightly older children who didn't get this input at a younger age. Brilliant video. Thanks.
My husband fell into this trap. Unfortunately, that meant that he wanted me to manage everything. I tried to train my husband, "you have to make them mind, even when it doesn't matter"
I spent their first 7-8 years teaching them that when I say it, I mean it
The problem is some people understand a question as a question.
Like your boss telling you "could you copy these documents", it's not a question, it's an order, but it sounds nicer...and you know when the order tone comes up its serious.
Saying "could you bring down the garbage"...no, I'm just drinking my evening beer..."bring down the garbage, NOW"...first you asked me, now your ordering me?. No, you just wanted to be polite.
Honey, don't you think the grass is to high? ... meaning : that grass is to high, it needs to get cut. Understanding : is not sure, needs second opinion.
@@mammutMK2 The situations you describe are incredibly confusing to a small child. My mother is like that. Expecting children to "read between the lines" and understand that "Could you take out the garbage" is a command couched as a polite request, is frustrating and confusing. Say what you mean. If you want to be polite, use "please" and "thank you," not "could you" or hinting or beating around the bush.
@@deadparrot5953 and it is so easy: "bring me the box of lego" , not "could you bring me the box of lego?" ... the kid directly thinks, I'd that a question, is that an order?
But even as grown up, depending in the situation, a friendly order since better than a dumb question
Makes a lot of sense. My daughter is now 14. I currently work as a primary teaching assistant, so I work with children mostly aged 7-10.
For things like bed-time or something like saying good-bye/leaving (and therefore packing up or getting ready etc), I would always say, "another 5 minutes, then we will need to pack up/stop what we're doing or whatever". Children like a warning so they can adjust to stopping or switching, and most people I know tend to do that. For "easier" things, no warning necessary.
This totally makes sense. Occasionally, I'll be in the middle of a task and my wife will ask me to do something right now. I understand the urgency but it sure is irritating to have to stop something right immediately without at least 2-3 minutes of warning.
My little one has a very good temperament, and I luckily applied all of these tips with him, so he's cooperative even in the unpleasant acts (nose vacuuming, brushing teeth), is willing in packing his toys and helpful in household work.
I'm not a parent yet but I love your videos. I'm learning not only how to best interact with a future child 🤞but also with my niblings. We see them weekly and it's great learning better ways to navigate these situations.
So happy to hear you are finding these videos helpful! It's awesome to hear you are watching these in preparation for when do have kids in the future.
Needed this!
I've started falling into the pattern of repeating myself a lot and using negatives frequently. But we've done well so far with modeling behaviors and giving heads-up before a transition. So I need to create that pattern of full attention and request with a planned consequence. The consequence will be the hard part. Situations and requests can vary so much.
That’s amazing! I’ve read many of what you said in different sources but I had never put everything together by myself, and the way you organize it is great to understand the logic toddlers follow and how to improve our daily routine with them. Thank you for being so clear! 😊
I'm a Preschool teacher and I use these methods with my Toddler class. They are the sweetest bunch of littles! 🥰
I can see this working well with adults too. 😊
And puppies.
I had three sons. I would say “can someone take out the trash?” My middle son always got right up and took out the trash. I missed him when he left home…😊
Reading through the comments, I can say that i'm pleasantly surprised and happy for the people this video was helpful for.
Your toddler doesn't pay attention to you because you don't pay attention to him/her unless YOU need something. This is how adults treat each other. Just treat your child as an actual child, give him/her constant attention, prioritize him/her over adults and he/she will always listen to you.
This! My mother did this and minus a few occasions I always listened. It also helped that God was in the mix, so raise your kids to fear God, and get yourself and them saved!
@@leonardonetagamer yes, absolutely
@@leonardonetagamer How utterly creepy. Do you threaten eternal damnation from imaginary forces, instead of just accepting you are the power in their lives? Way to end up with a bunch of atheist teenagers in the house.
@@argusfleibeit1165 I didn't end up atheist, so my mother did something right, and ill be doing the same. You are the creep, probably gonna change your kids gender using surgery the moment they say they like something different.
@@argusfleibeit1165
That’s a pretty flippant response. Are you always this judgmental? I was raised Christian, but have become atheist in my adulthood. My children (19, 18 & 15) all consider themselves Christian, (no specific denomination or church attendance) despite not being raised as such.
I did, however, teach my children to respect all beliefs, (or rather, a person’s right to their beliefs) even if they don’t agree with them. You know, common courtesy. We’re all here trying to figure this thing out, and not one of us can prove the other wrong, when it comes to the existence (or not) of deities. We each have a right to believe what we wish. It’d be nice if we didn’t get insulted for our personal journey by those who disagree.
You can give the child a heads up that things are changing from playtime to bedtime, etc., too. That way your telling them it’s bedtime actually means it’s bedtime, rather than that becoming an ineffectual first or second comment from you. It also gives the child some autonomy and an opportunity for learning to plan the end of things, since it’s not just sprung on them when they’re in the middle of something.
The heads up can also trigger all kinds of other behavior. Like saying they’re hungry. Or suddenly launching into sone kind of hyperactive play. Or running away. Or throwing a tantrum.
I’m going to use most of these tips with my boss from now on. Great advice!
Meanwhile, your boss is watching this video, thinking, "These are great tips to use with Rick to get him to do his job instead of watching CZcams." 😄
Most key important here is to be honest and caring while doing these. Kids are very perceptive. Talk to them like a normal person that is age appropriate. Nobody likes being looked down on. When your kid realizes they are being understood, they will follow.
Things are also easier for kids to do things when they do it together with their parents or guardians.
Patience is important. Kids rely on you to learn, since they are on their learning stage and vulnerable to emotions. Please be nice to them.
I believe in my toddler independence and respect it. I will be patient until they comply and they will finally because they find it annoying that I keep asking them. There is power in this. There is no real power by shouting
This seems really good advice. Easy to follow and so clearly points out how the error happens. Also gotta say, I really appreciate this video just getting right to the point. No delay or lead-in.
Thank you!
I'm so happy I found this channel. I was trying to find parenting advice and learn before I have a child in the next few years. I love that it gives step by step instructions and explains how if you get in the bad pattern it will be difficult but worth it to change
As I listen to this, I can't help but think of this new age thing that I see a lot of parents do where they start the whole counting thing ... they'll often give the warning, "I'm going to give you to the count of three!"
I actually encountered this sort of thing when we were reluctantly forced into the position of having to Foster our grandchildren. I was renowned for interrupting such episodes saying, "I'm going to count to one!" They very quickly learned to listen to me the first time I said anything. Children don't come out of the womb particularly well educated, but that does not mean in any way that they are not smart. Kids, like most living creatures, are capable of observing and learning from patterns. Ultimately, they are a product of what you teach them.
"It's bedtime!" That's a declaration. And if you as the parent keep doing whatever it is you're doing, you're modeling a declaration that means nothing.
If your declaration is followed by ritual habits, then the declaration means *something*. It means preparing to go to sleep, such as brushing teeth, possibly a bath, putting on pajamas, etc.
I rarely have to even consider discipline, because I'm doing everything with the child/children and we are enjoying the process together.
I admit there is one part I worry about how this could be interpreted from my own psyche. The consequence part actually can enforce the not listening part cause of a fear response. I know this because of issues with how I myself reacted naturally to my father from the way he had raised me versus how I reacted to my mom. She was the one who did actually make sure to pay attention to the context while my father was the one who quickly raised his voice and attempt to also set in consequence. The two together dont necessarily help it either and I think that is something I see many people even in the comment section confuse. Much more emphasis should be put on the second part where in you focus on how you are communicating to the child themselves though consequence are still part of that. From research I myself have explored in relation to social and behavioral studies, this can become even more problematic when it is mxied with more authoritarian behaviors but when we understand more about what a "consequence" is and think about the rest of the video it can exemplify a lot of the often suggested to be beneficial "authoritative" response style that ensures truer understanding rather than focus on the consequence alone
I remember as a child being constantly upset by the behaviour of adults--disrespectful, demanding, and aggressive. I complied (resentfully) because they were bigger and stronger, and learned to strategize (lying, manipulation) to avoid conflict. Thankfully, as an adult, I read about P.E.T., a communication course developed by Dr Thomas Gordon. I learned how to interact with all ages of humans in ways that are mutually respectful and cooperative. Everyone's needs get met and the home is full of trust, peace, and fun! ❤
When I'm helping young parents and telling them about "consequences" one of the first things I tell them is whatever you and your spouse have decided the consequences are to be, they are NEVER to be administered in anger.
The main goal of discipline -- teaching a child to obey -- is teaching a child self-discipline. Anger does not promote self-discipline.
With self-discipline, a child will grow up to go to eat their veggies before their dessert, go to sleep instead of watching TV, do homework instead of playing video games.
Another great reason to teach your child to obey immediately is SAFETY. When your child doesn't run away from you in a parking lot, steps away from the edge of a pool when you ask, doesn't run into a street when they see a dog.
As an adult who has been taught obedience without anger, they will follow instructions from authority figures (teachers, police, supervisors) with respect.
Respect and boundaries. They are key in raising a child to be healthy, happy, and a successful member of society.
Thank you so much, my toddler is 18 months old, you really help us to establish a very good relationship! I watched your potty training video, it was really well explained. You are a baby whisperer!!! 🥰
My wife has consistently had this problem with the kids, even up until today, when they are 10 & 12. It has caused her much heartache and drove a wedge in our relationship. Lots of fights and I can’t stand her yelling at the kids all the time.
I keep telling her she needs to be more assertive, because I don’t have these problems. I am glad you have outlined it into specific steps because i was unable to, but this is what i was doing that worked for me. The kids listen to me, because if I say they have to do something, they have to do it. There is no option. And I give it my full attention, make sure to have their attention, and make it clear it is not a suggestion. And if I have to, there will be consequences. But at this point they just do it for me.
Have you thought of using the same firm, but loving approach with your wife that you do with your kids? Sure, she is an adult. And yes, she is responsible for herself. But she likely learned bad habits herself. And/or is ineffective at follow through, due to stress in other areas of her life, such as your relationship. Has her patience and overreactions gotten worse over time? You have to look back at yourself as well to explore the full answer as to why. Usually, relationships issues are not one sided. Though from each person’s perspective, it can feel that way.
Look, not one of us likes to be judged or reprimanded. Many times, we don’t use clear communication when expressing our concerns, and it can come across as chastising and telling someone they aren’t good enough, and how to be better. Because spouses are supposed to be equals in a partnership, one telling the other how to parent is likely to have the OPPOSITE effect intended. Pointing out how they listen to you and why isn’t actually helpful.
If you two aren’t able to discuss things without one or both of you being offended, perhaps a competent counselor could guide you through. Even little things like this can become a seemingly unsurpassable mountain before either realizes it. Your kids deserve for you both to have a better relationship.
It’s hard. Relationships. In ways we aren’t made fully aware of until we find ourselves in the thick of it. Then we either feel stuck and act like a caged animal, using poor coping skills that do more damage than soothe, or we run away, because it is easier, and we convince ourselves this is the only way to be happy.
We make happiness our highest priority. When happiness is only the bonus of life that is not guaranteed. Yet we tend to feel it is our birthright, due to false messages from society. The priority should be our responsibilities, developing compassion and understanding, and learning what sacrifice truly means and how it is relevant to our personal progression in this life.
I know it isn’t easy, but I have a feeling your wife has everything in her to be what your kids need her to be. It is harder to discover this and flower under duress, in particular for certain personality types. Maybe give her the same patience and care you show the kids. See her as the unfinished being that she is. If you’ve stopped believing in her potential, perhaps work on that. Maybe your grace and faith in her will be the catalyst she needs.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT blaming you for her choices and behavior. I just know enough from experience and observation of others that when one partner has a complaint, while simultaneously pointing out how they do something correctly, there is usually more to the story. Even if one or both parties are not yet fully aware of the unhealthy dynamic that has formed.
Let’s say there is nothing you could improve on. (but realistically, who among us DOESN’T have SOMEthing?) Sometimes taking the high road yields better results. And I don’t mean the holier than thou high road. I mean the humble and benefit of the doubt high road.
Your negative feelings towards her will only translate to your kids, inadvertently. She has much to give, as you do. And you each have different strengths and weaknesses. Find a way to use this to your collective advantage. To become the unit you both desire and your kids need. Round each other out. Find reasons to praise her. Reinforce to your kids that they should respect mom. She doesn’t have to be perfect to be deserving of it. Just as your kids don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of respect and love.
I truly hope you two find a way to communicate better so each is understood, without it causing too much harm to the other and to the relationship. You’ve made it this far, which says a lot. You aren’t alone. Most of us go through this stuff, in some way, shape or form. Although you couldn’t tell by how we tend to present ourselves in person and online. I guarantee the most seemingly perfect family has their challenges that may be unseen in public.
I’m not an expert, nor have I mastered my own life and relationships. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything in my 43 years. You can overcome what sometimes appears impossible. Hope may wane, but don’t let it go entirely. The future is unwritten.
Agreed, except that “Please” is dishonest if you’re not giving them a choice.
Just tell them calmly and if they continue the behavior after one instruction to do something better, calmly apply the consequences. Shouting and repetition are not good for either of you.
I’ve heard some parents say, “I love you too much to let you be a (bad behavior) person,” which seems like a positive approach
This was probably the nicest way I've ever been asked to give a video a thumbs up - and the most efficient one, too. Made me smile and click that button.
This really helped me because I was feeling very worried since I never knew how to handle my own emotions, it's even harder to do that with your own child. It made me realize a lot of the things I was doing was wrong and makes me want to correct the behavior. Even though my child is only 11 months, this resonates a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. Would love to see more videos like this.
So glad it was helpful!
In the U.S., this is very common among poorer households.Typically, it leads to schools that must resort to harsher and strict discipline because students are used to parents yelling before they comply and respond to teachers the same - or worse.
Thank You! I’m currently struggling a lot with my 2.5 yo Son, this video is so simple and understandable I feel already supported and more calm. Motivated to use this knowledge asap 😎
As a preschool teacher, I really appreciate your video and advice. Thank you!!
These techniques I have used as a teacher. Very practical and it works.
Great explanation video.
Thank you for giving great examples. Sometimes we know what we should do but in the moment struggle to put them into practice.
Good on you for saying to crouch to their level.
Yes I love the toddler info! I have a 20 month old and I’ve been hoping you’d put out more information on toddlers
Right on. Thanks for sharing.
So true! I always get involve in my toddler's playtime/activity and listen to his demands while playing before I get him to follow my orders. Have to be fair and toddler's learn thru the parent's examples.
I always gave a reminder a couple of minutes prior, when possible, then just as you described I made sure it happened when I gave the instructions . He is grown up now.
Excellent video, really opened my eyes to what my wife and I are unintentionally doing to our daughters. Could you give a couple examples of "Immediate Consequences"? I like how every other point shares a real world example but this one seems to skip any. Thanks!
This is more challenging with my toddler because I also have a 3 week old and I'm normally feeding or changing the newborn when I'm asking my toddler to do or stop doing something.
It is really hard when you have a newborn and a toddler. Just do whatever you can at this stage.
Same here😣
Jeez... good luck.
Yeah I have a 2yr old and 7m old. And yeah it's tough. And we've gotten in a not listening till I raise my voice habbit🤦♀️
@@francesniffenegger5605 same here and I hate that so much. She doesn't get me to that point everytime, but it's more times than not 😫😞
Makes alot of sense thank you for you're content extremely helpful, I see now how I was contradicting my self.
You have precisely described my household, And I tried your solution. It worked wonders Thanks Emma
This was the best video I've seen of yours! Thank you! Sending it to family so we're on the same page ✨
Thank you for the insight!❤
I think that we can also give some options. Like "time to put on your shoes! Left foot or right foot first?"
great idea, friend!
Thank you for the video! i've learnt a lot from just one video. As a new parent it's hard not to get frustrated with your child. This looks promising, will try it out!
I don't know why CZcams recommended this and it's a nice video and all... but I'm very, very glad I'll never have to go through all this exhausting work.
In retrospect(my kids are almost 40+/-) I didn't have these problems with my children. That doesn't mean I didn't have them, it just means that behavioral issues weren't so much of an issue that they take up memory space in my brain, so I must have done ok.
My daughter had her first child about 9 mos ago. She told me that she had a great childhood and that I was a wonderful mother. It was the single most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me.
Anyway, my point is, when you're dealing with your kids, always treat them with respect, love and common sense. It'll all work out (Unless they're psychopaths, in which case, I don't know what I'm talking about).
As a teacher and a parent, I really agree with this.
Just realised I have no children.
Same but the parents in the flat above ours constantly shout at them and i was wondering why 😄
Lol 😂😂😂
She is GOOD!
Same, but fascinating nonetheless
Excellent! Thank you
Thank You Emma.. That was very helpful
Yes that’s a good tip about packing up toys. I take care of a class of kids on Sundays and they love going outside but only after they pick up the toys!
Raising voice was not allowed in our home growing up. And I always respond the first time my dad called me. And this is exactly what I do with my students now. Kids CAN be train.
Once told means do it and follow through with the consequences don't waste any time. I used the statements of let's do this or that. We grew up with the only time the word no is okay was if it was an answer to a question.
I need to work on this for working with students. They're older than toddlers, but it still applies, lol.
Great advice. I feel like my babe is learning not to listen since my dog is going deaf and o repeat myself all the time 🤦♀️
Great advice and so well explained. I’ll have to show this video to my husband. I was trying to explain this exact same concept, but struggling. Thank you ❤️
Thanks Kate! Hope it helps 😀
This is a great video everything on it will help ensure success with your toddlers I have had eight toddlers now and I’ve used these techniques and have remarkably well behaved toddlers. All eight children are extremely different and personally yet each one responded well to these tips these are great tips.
Great point!
applicable to any age..
Something to think about.
Thanks, this is really helpful! I'm struggling with "consequences" part, cause I don't know what I can do
As parents, we found a very effective technique that works pretty well. Kids need TIME to integrate information. They need a clear BREFFING. So, whatever they're doing, tell them something like .: in 15 min (even though they don't understand time... you can show them the "big needle" of the clock. Then: in 10 min, then 5, then: It's time! Warning: YOU are the one in charge and toddlers are not very sensitive to words. They react to acts! So, bed time? You go with them; shower time? You go with them etc... it takes energy and patience.
Pause devices and toys is huge. Eyes are sensory organs, taking in simulation for their brains. These are all really good points. Looking forward to desirable activity, after non desirable activity, is also huge!
Dear Emma, Thank you for sharing this! So helpful for our 2 1/2 yo who is refusing to pick up toys and other tasks. I look forward to viewing more of your content.
Thank you again.
Try doing the task with a child that age. It aften works better than expecting them to do the whole lot themselves.
@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 yeh I agree with u on that
@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 Thank you. I will do that!
That's how my British teachers handled it at school while my Asian parents would yell, beat, then do the task themselves, and then insult you some more for not learning and then the situation repeats another time so all you end up with is, the kid never learned anything and now you have bad blood.
As a parent, I can assure you that this will work! Good advices.
Always solid advice on this channel. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for the very helpful advice!
Thank you Emma
Thank you!
I have a three year old brother. I love him but sometimes it is hard to communicate with little ones. Thanks for the video.
Figured this out on my own doing Foster care for high care kids, counting to 3 is the same thing essentially and the kids would wait till you hit that number, than I started implementing time outs instantly for not following instructions, time out is super nanny magic, kids were listening first time nearly every time with in a few days.
Parents wonder why their kids wait until they are yelling. Well the reason is, the parents keep waiting until they are yelling.
This applies to teenagers as well. I just have to say it was so intuitive and yet it eluded me their entire time I was raising my son. I turned 18 last month and has left for work and further education. My job is done.
You still have years of parenting to go...it's just different from afar!
Thank you!!!
Do you have any more videos about consequences for toddlers? That’s my biggest one. LOVE giving instructions in positive instead of a negative - it’s what I learned in teacher training for teaching high schoolers 🙃
Great advice! Thanks
Excellent 👍! I’ll try this with my toddler students.
These are techniques are used in Verbal Behavior. Very effective with consistency. Social praise after they comply is also key to reinforce the desired behaviors.
One observation with the first example is that the speech bubbles indicated that the mother neither gave a command nor ask the child to do anything.
She used to declarative sentences, stating that it was bedtime.
There are no requests to oblige or instructions to follow. That is one of the main things that I have seen being issue with communication and wanting a child to listen well and follow instructions.
Thanks for your video, good easy to understand
emma💖 as a first time mama to a toddler this video is perfect timing! i’m guilty of doing these things and will be implementing your advice thank you!💖💖💖💖💖
I'm so glad it's helpful! 😀
@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 thank you so much i needed to hear that today!!!!! i’m trying to be the best mama i can but some days i fall short. thank you for the kind words 💖