Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist (How to Spot and Deal With Them)

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  • čas přidán 5. 09. 2024

Komentáře • 811

  • @wanderingfree149
    @wanderingfree149 Před 4 lety +245

    My sister is a covert. They feel the need to be the biggest victim in the room while at the same time being the hero in the story. Been no contact for about 2 years. Happy me!

    • @megaexidor
      @megaexidor Před 3 lety +9

      So true, well said.

    • @pamelawhitehurst4496
      @pamelawhitehurst4496 Před 3 lety +9

      It started out me feeling sorry for him in his wrinkly clothes. I didn't know that was a big part of his MO

    • @coreyanderson1457
      @coreyanderson1457 Před 3 lety +6

      Sounds histrionic kind of.

    • @delorestaylor8114
      @delorestaylor8114 Před 3 lety +3

      My brother in your sister’s clothes.
      Now I can breathe again.
      Bless your heart ❤️

    • @mfscpa
      @mfscpa Před 3 lety +7

      This is a “friend” of almost ten years. She finally removed herself from my life because I of course was the bad guy when I stood up for myself after her ridiculous attack on me and how horrible I am. She did me a favor!!!

  • @fayceedat670
    @fayceedat670 Před 4 lety +173

    True..all the women will say You have such a good husband...if only they knew the truth

    • @warriormom5843
      @warriormom5843 Před 3 lety +15

      Truer words were never spoken. You want to scream at the top of your lungs, and then, projectile vomit.

    • @semajecollins9670
      @semajecollins9670 Před 3 lety +3

      Yeah he nice to them cause they are crazy lol

    • @nocapp6180
      @nocapp6180 Před 3 lety +1

      Yes Lord that's part of their facades they have on a mask literally & daily they don't want the outside world to know the Real them the one the family knows behind theirs walls of horror & the kids are the most vulnerable to it they at any age these babies didn't ask to be @ this monstrous madness my heart breaks more & more for them Lord especially if they are at a age where they can remember Jesus :-( & they love to prey on the next victim to believe their manipulating calculating dangerous world of lies & the older they get the crazier they get & its 10x worst if they are an addict drugs,alcohol or sex

    • @elmeris
      @elmeris Před 3 lety

      If you ask my wife's friends they'll say she has a terrible husband.
      Even members of my own family will tell you that.
      As I swim lonely in the depths of depression.

    • @grumpysquid
      @grumpysquid Před 3 lety +4

      How about when the Narc is a woman/wife. Same scenario. They don’t know the truth.

  • @kimh9949
    @kimh9949 Před 4 lety +360

    Yep looks squeaky clean to the rest of the world . Everything is always some else's fault . Every point spot on .

    • @browneyedgirl4285
      @browneyedgirl4285 Před 3 lety +6

      @@SierraAspenAutumn me too……I have screamed soooooooo many times………….

    • @vaughnd6354
      @vaughnd6354 Před 2 lety +7

      What he/she missed out on is your fault. What he/she went without is your fault. Even the things they don't/didn't appreciate is your fault. Etc etc

    • @robinhewitt5667
      @robinhewitt5667 Před 2 lety +2

      100%

    • @robinhewitt5667
      @robinhewitt5667 Před 2 lety +1

      Also he describes me as this horrible lying cheating blaming fake non accountable creature,
      Lol , he hates all those qualities that are all his ,
      Folks I'm getting a mirror , and holding it up to him

  • @johndeal4381
    @johndeal4381 Před 4 lety +184

    It's like finding yourself living in an episode of
    The
    Twight Light Zone

    • @CarolDudeck-bl7kz
      @CarolDudeck-bl7kz Před 3 lety

      Absolutely

    • @dianerobinson681
      @dianerobinson681 Před 3 lety +1

      Am dealing with this stuff I've had threats from theses people I've had men out. Side my home phone calls had to change my number threats to kill me some of theses people are mediums some I don't even know am trying to stay safe and have nothing to do with theses people I don't even want them in my life

    • @h3llnite
      @h3llnite Před 3 lety +2

      Yes!

    • @tamboura6573
      @tamboura6573 Před 3 lety +2

      Yeah! I used to have nightmares that everyone turned into a vampire.

    • @tamboura6573
      @tamboura6573 Před 3 lety +2

      @@dianerobinson681 I’m sorry you’re dealing with that crap, it’s bizarre how many there are . Hugs and peace to you.

  • @tamaliaalisjahbana9354
    @tamaliaalisjahbana9354 Před 4 lety +25

    Exactly, they will slowly and very subtly start to belittle you. Slowly it increases and when you try to set boundaries they become furious and accuse you of abusing them The gas lighting combined with the false facade of vulnerability (they have depression, PTSD, are being harassed by a Shakespearean villain etc etc) and a false facade of empathy (their hearts bleed for babies dumped in rubbish bins, starving women in they happen to meet on the street, exploited street monkeys , dogs in animal shelters etc etc but no real adult person that they really know and have a relationship with) and the hidden rage that keeps coming out ... Oh yes spare me from these lunatics and predators.

  • @carolynjaynes36
    @carolynjaynes36 Před 4 lety +73

    I just got out - Thank God! It felt awful, no empathy, no conflict resolution, no mercy, just trying to destroy me to have control. Others did not believe me but its OK to just trust yourself and how YOU FEEL around them. Mine put broken glass on the floor so I cut my foot when I woke up. Nice , huh!

    • @highrerqueen9946
      @highrerqueen9946 Před 2 lety +1

      Wow

    • @phyllislucero8716
      @phyllislucero8716 Před 2 lety

      I noticed that the narcissist i live with turned the gas on a burner on a stove as he went to work. He didn't cook that morning, the gas on the burner was turned on.. They're a really poisonous group.

    • @musicandpoetry_8
      @musicandpoetry_8 Před 5 dny

      I feel like my aunt is one and my cousin is a flying monkey but no one believes me and everyone thinks I’m paranoid. It’s pushing me to suicide honestly because I feel obligated to be with my family

  • @madbee3
    @madbee3 Před 4 lety +128

    Unfortunately they leave scars emotional,mental and even physical. They make sure you will never forget them .soul suckers, survive by destroying your id . True definition of a demon at work 'a narcissist '

    • @WMartinez001
      @WMartinez001 Před 3 lety

      Exactly

    • @harleyfsbo3027
      @harleyfsbo3027 Před 3 lety +2

      @MT - you can forget them and easily too if you just remind yourself how luck you are to have ESCAPED for GOOD. If you are still finding hard to forget them then you have not filled your life with enough good things and are giving them too much of your LIFE or are hanging on to the desire for revenge (which I completely understand given the $h!t they make you go through) but that’s when I remind myself that being obsessed with someone and letting them consume your life is like drinking the poison yourself and wanting someone else to die - My advice: Leave them exactly where they are and to their own devices and they will detonate their own selves with their self-destructive unrepentant souls. That is the Destiny of those who abuse other Souls without remorse because they suffer from the delusion that they are god. And when you compete with the Real God of this Universe He has an amazing way of putting you in the place where you belong and giving you what you have earned and what you deserve.

    • @samanthasanchez2218
      @samanthasanchez2218 Před 3 lety +1

      I felt this so deeply. Heard things like "I want you to remember this". I'm building myself back up from 14 years of experience with a covert. He seems so lost. I'm an empath. I trusted him. We have 3 children. He used me up and now he is done. I'm left picking up the pieces of myself. He is so cocky but in private he is a victim. His life isn't fair. He wants to be famous. Asks me all the time if he is famous. He has deployed and was an infantry soldier. I have been with him since high school. Says he is leaving me because I never helped him. I've always been a housewife. Every time I have worked I missed days because of him or get fired because he gets in my head about other co workers. He creates alot of stories in his head. He knows nothing about me. I know everything about him. He blames his TBI and all this other crap. He has me so isolated no friends. Makes me hate my family. He can screw over me and everybody and I have to forgive him but hate whoever he hates. He got jealous of my brother helping me and called his ex and told her he was on drugs. Now he isn't allowed to see his kids. All because he helped me. He wants nobody to be better than him. He lost a fitness contest and couldn't believe he lost. Tried to blame me lol He tries to get in my head. Were not divorced but he went and got the papers and has had them in our truck for a year. He can love one second and hate the next. Looks at me and says your boring. He loves to toy with me. I'm married to a fucking child excuse my language. So immature and emotionally unstable. He just takes. I dont know if I can keep allowing his behavior. The self centeredness affects our children. They feel like its always about Dad. He manipulates them to tell him the truth or forces them to lie. He always believes his own stories. I over medicated myself for years to the point of having to go to detox. His Dad covers for him. Its always poor him. If he gets violent with me his dad is like dont call the cops. Its just insane what I have dealt with. Its so damaging. He will pinch my arm and ask me of im telling people his business. He can't have kids anymore and he hates that. Its demasculating for him I guess. So many guys go through that and he lives in denial. He is addictive person. He goes to the gym all hours of the day or night. Obsessed with his body and his image. Lies about his profession. Its sad because he has potential. He needs treatment and therapy and he just won't. Now that we're both sober I can't handle it anymore. He just woke up 2 weeks ago and said he wants a divorce. I feel like I stay with him because he is all I know. He says its because I'm using him. He accesses me of making fake accounts to talk to him. Like dont flatter yourself I dont even want you here. I just want you to be there for your kids. He is out of control. He has never been this crazy and lost before. I feel like its very hard for him to be sober and to have a cookie cutter life that many would dream about. He has everything to be happy and its never been enough for him. He wants to travel and he will complain about his life in front of our children and makes them feel sad. He tells the kids I was on drugs
      Everything is a competition. He is so confusing. This is the longest episode ever a good 2 weeks right now that he actually left to his parents house. He does stupid things and expects forgiveness and finds ways to blame me. Only I am so strong these days and my boundaries are strong and people like you are educating me more and I appreciate it. Now I know how to have control over my life and this crazy marriage we have. Talking about this with people who understand has strengthened me. Make a video on how to co-parent with a narcissist please!

  • @raccuia1
    @raccuia1 Před 4 lety +285

    Covert narcs, IMO, are the most dangerous people on earth.

    • @jnmwtkns
      @jnmwtkns Před 4 lety +2

      @@RebeccaZungEsq you need to love yourself!
      You are a closet narc spouse.
      Come out already the blood is warm!

    • @AmandaLyonsMusic23
      @AmandaLyonsMusic23 Před 3 lety +2

      DEFinitely.

    • @natashakersey1563
      @natashakersey1563 Před 2 lety

      @@Echoversedot evil

    • @iys6890
      @iys6890 Před rokem

      Yes! Definitely the sneakiest ones!

    • @fakename8856
      @fakename8856 Před 10 měsíci

      My Mom is a covert narcissist. She is also “allergic to electricity” like Chuck McGill which is a strange sub-type of covert venerable narcissists. She is also a “sovereign citizen” and believed the laws don’t apply to her because she is a narcissist. My twin brother, 41, is her golden child and I was/am her scapegoat. It’s toxic. We are estranged which is a sad necessity.

  • @savannah3385
    @savannah3385 Před 2 lety +26

    100% perfectly described my mom- Me and my dad have been searching forever for what she has or is or what is causing it. She had us convinced that we were the problem.

    • @oceans.and.deserts
      @oceans.and.deserts Před 2 lety +3

      Ditto. I've been searching for 20 years when I first discussed her with a therapist, but she suggested a personality disorder and nothing I read fit the bill. Even worse, my father is also a narcissist, but the obvious kind. I parted ways with my 70-something mother last year and haven't heard from her since. She has poisoned my siblings and father against me so I have no family anymore. It was a strange dispute today out of nowhere (lots of twisting my benign basically) with a woman I know that brought me to this video. I just keep attracting these types, unfortunately. I know who I want to be around, but can never find them. Hang in there and you are not the problem.

  • @MonaLisaFaceMusic
    @MonaLisaFaceMusic Před 3 lety +46

    The worst feeling for me was that after all his abuse, all my efforts to try and heal our relationship and then heal myself when I realized that wasn’t possible, he goes into a smear campaign to tarnish me and calls me the abuser. It’s very painful. I’ve been in therapy for years and he won’t step foot inside a therapists office, all I ever did was love him. The level of gaslighting is so painful. Still working through to surviving.

    • @dizeestl
      @dizeestl Před 3 lety +4

      Ofcourse they wont see someone, they think they are perfect and can do no wrong. Best to not waste time with people like that. Let them rot away in their own little sad world. Hope you keep on trucking thru, get a dog they help!

  • @vampireslayer1989
    @vampireslayer1989 Před 4 lety +19

    I had always heard about "passive aggressive" behaviors.
    You can encounter them in normal people in day-to-day living.
    HOWEVER, Narcissists take Passive Aggression to a "whole nother" level.
    The difference is that the Cluster B will jab you at regular intervals.
    Any single jab seems insignificant (you ask yourself "did that just happen?"); but cumulatively the jabs cut deep.

  • @marciaheadley9933
    @marciaheadley9933 Před 4 lety +22

    To my dismay, I am realizing that we are surrounded by Narcs. And so it's a constant fight to become a better individual. I am understanding and appreciating the critical importance of No Contact. Blessings

  • @FranNoesse
    @FranNoesse Před 3 lety +18

    "Passive-Aggressive" totally describes my narc husband. In fact, I figured out that he's P-A years before I realized he's a narcissist.

  • @nativetexan53
    @nativetexan53 Před 2 lety +13

    Oh Jesus! I think you just explained my 25 year marriage that I had to finally extricate myself from or die. I am not exactly an empath but I was most certainly with a narcissist. And it took me so long to get past the push me away and pulling me back so fast my head would spin constantly off balance. He was so insecure while being one of the most vain people I had ever met in my life. The biggest liar, the most manipulative all of the superlatives!

  • @kaasuphi7010
    @kaasuphi7010 Před 2 lety +25

    I just feel there is !a global pandemic of nasty narcissists out there. I am thankful for platforms like this and thank Rebecca for sharing her candid personal and professional experience. It has been invaluable to me. The more people have an awareness about them the better chance they have to protect themselves, their health and their well being. Praise be for the gift of this and similar platforms. Amen. To Rebecca a heartfelt thanks, you will never know the help and support you have provided for me.

  • @harleyhearse
    @harleyhearse Před 4 lety +21

    Rebecca, thank you. I am a primary caregiver to my now severely disabled Mom. I have learned a lot in the last 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago I did not even know what a Narcissist was honestly. Now I realize this. I was raised by a Toxic Narcissist of a single Mother. I met a Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist who did every single thing to me you described. When I met her 11 years ago I met my inlaws (Her Mother a classic Exhibitionist Narcissist & Dad is a Toxic Narcissist) My wife asked me for a Divorce 3 months ago because my Narcissistic Supply had come to an end (As well as the money) Now I am about to loose my house, my retirement funds., etc....BUT I am slowly getting my sanity back.

  • @mmandy5594
    @mmandy5594 Před 4 lety +47

    Married 17 years now to one and I'm an Empath. You hit the nail on the head with the description. Not ready to leave but in emotional pain every.single.day. It's become worse over the years and I love your comment about small drips - that's exactly it! Feels really good to not feel alone right now. I have two children I stay for.

    • @karensvetz8073
      @karensvetz8073 Před 4 lety +6

      I stayed for because of my child who is now 15 and it's finally time to get the hell away from this horrible man, I knew things were bad when I was in the marriage but now that we are in the process of divorce I feel 100% certain that it is the best thing for me and my son. Good luck and I hope you find the courage to leave someday.

    • @traceytansley1659
      @traceytansley1659 Před 3 lety +3

      My motto is: MOVE ON AND STAY STRONG. I left my 13 year marriage after horrible isolating abusive Soul sucked, emotionally starved life from him and took my 2 kids with me. He had/has gambling addiction and left me broke, had to find the strength and means to get away. It wasn't easy and to make matters worse, we worked same office bldg and the smear campaign was intense. Added to this, was narc mother and dysfunctional family, so no support from any of them either. Moved to nearby new city w kids. Didnt know anyone. Was very hard to do without ant support from anywhere. My faith got me through it and I slowly gained more strength once he was out if my life and not able to suck me dry. There was no YOU tube then for learning and support. His mother, and especially his sisters (of whom I was loving, kind , supportive and played a responsible role in their lives, therefore helped give them more needed freedom) turned their backs on me too. I never had a sister, only two horrible brothers, so they were like my own younger sisters by 5 and 6 years younger....all adults then..didn't matter, I was the bad one in their eyes for leaving. I stayed strong and knew in my heart that I did the right thing, and I was free! Day by day I still grew stronger. What a wonderful feeling. After a few months, a family "friend" who was my only support system for years, decided he was entitled to a relationship with me now that I was separated, when I told him I only think of him as friend, he went into a rage, threatened my life, then stalked me for months...during this same time, I had just weeks prior gone through an attack and threat on a work call and so once again, zero support..even my workplace response was to down play it and sweep it under carpet and then proceeded to treat me horrible in hopes I'd quit so they could hide what happened. I needed to keep my benefits and pension in tact and was too shooken up and traumatized to find other work in this condition as well..so I had to stay at this job and endure more. My kids needs were met and I kept a roof over their heads and food on the table and clothes on their backs. We made our own fun. My ex way underpaid child support so it was still almost entirely on me to provide financially, as it had always been only on me to work full time, raise kids myself, and keep a spotless house..no change there expect the addition of helping my kids adjust to new home, New school, New friends and a broken family. This was hard since I was so beaten down from every aspect. My point here is this, I did it..years later I am in a healthy 17 year relationship and my kids are happy healthy adults living productive lives in their own relationships. I also helped raised my new common law husbands two kid's into happy adulthood as well. You count, your life counts, your happiness counts, you have to try to move on stay strong..NEVER go back to your ex no matter what tactic they might try. YOU CAN DO IT.Dont allow any further abuse and your life to be full of regrets and devalued. There is freedom, peace , happiness and love waiting for you. Also life's ups and downs too..no one gets a free pass, but when you feel whole inside again, you can cope much Bette with any further downs of life, and when you have regained self love and self respect, you just mug add a new healthy balanced Happy relationship to help you share life's new ups and downs, Good Luck dear M Mandy...YOU CAN DO THIS! ! ! Sending uou a big strong and loving hug and every wish for your inner strength and happiness. BTW. Contrary to what you might think, kids are not better off in an unhealthy environment just because you don't want them to come from a broken home, believe me, it's been broken all a long and kids already know and feel it. Seeing an abused parent take a stand against it will make your child see and identify right from wrong and become a better person growing up too.

    • @sody2000
      @sody2000 Před 2 lety +5

      jeeez that sucks. I'm an Empath too. It is rough. The good and honest people... we are rare.

    • @cherisew
      @cherisew Před 2 lety

      🙏🏾

    • @bigman-tg8ss
      @bigman-tg8ss Před 2 lety +2

      It's hard but you have to find a way to leave. Me and my ex share a child but I couldn't take it anymore. Each day, week, month, year will keep getting worse. If you don't your mind and health will continue to deteriorate and will be harder to care for the kids. I really feel for what you going through I did 11 years myself

  • @CindaMurphyRealEstate
    @CindaMurphyRealEstate Před 4 lety +21

    I had the audio book playing and my son and I could NOT believe how this lady was describing my husband who she had never met. It was HEALING and validating for my son. It transformed his mind about how it really was about his dad, not him.

    • @markanderson5809
      @markanderson5809 Před 3 lety +1

      Do you divorce him

    • @suzymartinek1874
      @suzymartinek1874 Před rokem +1

      Cinda, I thought she wrote the book for me too and describing my husband. However, having experience with a narcissist in my family, I now see my own narcissistic traits. I am going to write them down but I started holding myself accountable immediately!!!!❤

  • @pamelawhitehurst4496
    @pamelawhitehurst4496 Před 3 lety +8

    They are so great at dishing out disappointments. I got so that I never revealed what I liked or wanted because of the passive aggressive behavior. It hurt even worse to see him dishing out to our children.

  • @tajkamin7166
    @tajkamin7166 Před 4 lety +17

    I have learned so much from your videos. It's amazing that I have lived with a covert passive aggressive narcissistic wife all these years. Now we're going through divorce. It is so crazy that you can still love someone who has done you so wrong.

    • @Josefien59
      @Josefien59 Před 9 měsíci +1

      I was married to a covert narcissist for 25 years, and got divorced 5 years ago. We have 4 children together and to this day it still hurts that I had to break up our beautiful family. I still love this man, but I know he almost broke me completely and I did the right thing. Will this ever heal? 😢

  • @elizabethloiselle5991
    @elizabethloiselle5991 Před 2 lety +18

    Going berserk at the end of the relationship is spot on. This person totally lost it, became verbally abusive and from my perspective went crazy. All the little passive aggressive digs that made me question myself came to light in a validation to myself that I was not the crazy one in the relationship.

    • @lovestolaugh
      @lovestolaugh Před rokem

      Mine isn't ranting at all. In fact, there has been zero resistance when I said we should split up...none at all.

  • @IWantYoutoBeHappy4Ever
    @IWantYoutoBeHappy4Ever Před 4 lety +92

    That's the best description of a narcissists I've heard....chocolate bunny that's empty inside! That made me crack up. I used to work with a lot of narcissists as a psychotherapist years ago. It was so hard because they have trouble tolerating looking at themselves during the therapy process, so they usually jet.

    • @heathermoss2910
      @heathermoss2910 Před 3 lety

      Oh my God yes

    • @lovestolaugh
      @lovestolaugh Před rokem

      That kinda makes me want to give my stbnex a hollow bunny for our anniversary next year (we will be divorced by then)

  • @lynnkliewer7201
    @lynnkliewer7201 Před 4 lety +115

    This is a spiritual warfare these people are so evil !

    • @lissyspice24
      @lissyspice24 Před 3 lety +5

      Wow, I feel like I'm in a spiritual batte with one now! Even when he's not here I fel Luke he's spirit is watching and haunting me

    • @deerene
      @deerene Před 3 lety +2

      I agree. 💯

    • @reynarainbowz3461
      @reynarainbowz3461 Před 3 lety +1

      Amen it 100% spiritual these people are SOULLESS

    • @trishamorris5097
      @trishamorris5097 Před 2 lety +4

      @@lissyspice24, it's absolutely spiritual warfare and their spirits don't leave just because you break up with them. I had the same experience with my covert nex after he moved out. The demonic spirits over him lingered for a while...felt like I was being watched in my own home. Especially at night, I could feel a presence standing over me while I slept. My dear, you need to prepare yourself a prayer, anointing oil, and read Psalm 91 aloud as you anoint your house...every doorway, window, mirror, cupboards, vents, etc...any entry point where demons can enter or hide. I won't even get into the things that were suddenly happening in my house after he left that never happened before. But I will say it took me 4 tries over 6 months anointing my house before they finally left and for me to be at peace. They are very stubborn demons. Might I add that I was saved a couple months before my nex and I separated so that didn't help...I just pissed off satan even more by becoming a follower of the Lord 😄.

    • @rainahwallace1487
      @rainahwallace1487 Před 2 lety +1

      So evil!! I’m dealing with one in my life and I have been saying “she’s evil!!” But never knew what it was

  • @dianedehart
    @dianedehart Před 4 lety +88

    Thank you for bringing up the coffee example! My narc always "forgot" or "never received the text" that we needed baby formula or anything I/babies needed. Or the time I worked on our kid's Halloween costume for days. He told me it was such a waste of time. He left it in the car before the competition and he refused to walk 20' to get it from the parking lot -- 20 feet away and he refused. He saw me sewing and working on it for days, but told me he decided it wasn't important. I asked him for the car keys so I could retrieve it. He told me no and that "sitting and talk to his parents" (who we see all the time!) is more important than walk back for the outfit and that I needed to get my priorities straight! Little twists of the knives should have clued me to the bigger things around the corner. PSA-- Listen to your gut. Run now. Run fast. It only gets worse.

    • @sandrasmith6430
      @sandrasmith6430 Před 4 lety +14

      There would have been a broken car window and my kids would have their costumes.

    • @tonyasullivan7130
      @tonyasullivan7130 Před 4 lety +2

      @@sandrasmith6430 lolololololol....

    • @noracharles9366
      @noracharles9366 Před 2 lety +3

      Freaking fantastic share 👏 🎯⭐ 🥺

    • @chriscopeland1318
      @chriscopeland1318 Před 2 lety +2

      Oh man…that is nasty

    • @arwenrosalie3031
      @arwenrosalie3031 Před 2 lety +3

      Oh god what a horrible man they don’t care about their own children that is the only thing keeping me with him, I know that if I leave him he will purposely put them in danger or abuse them physically. Try explaining this to a judge how you don’t trust your own ex husband to care for your kids. I am a baker lol I taught myself and honestly they are perfect all my baking. Well, he will refuse to try anything I make he will see a cake dome plate filled with fresh baked good that I spent hours making during the night and he wont come near them. One time one of our children was car sick and my husband used that time to pinpoint that maybe my baking made him sick. I was so mad but tried not to react. My son was just car sick from playing his nintendo in a moving car!

  • @miriamadahan1730
    @miriamadahan1730 Před 4 lety +6

    They destroy your children, turning the kids against you, saying awful lies about you. THIS IS THE WORST!

    • @michellemykelhouse1590
      @michellemykelhouse1590 Před 4 lety +2

      It's a trait JUDE VERSE 11 MINDED

    • @pamdonaldson1493
      @pamdonaldson1493 Před 3 lety +1

      My narcastic Jezebel mother has turned my oldest son against me

    • @Thia911
      @Thia911 Před 3 lety

      Exactly! This is the worst. My ex turned my daughter against me and because of this I have lost out going on 4.5 years of a relationship with my daughter. It is painful and the sad part is, I began to start seeing my ex's ways in my daughter so much so that all I can do now is try to stay far away from them. It hurts and I think my ex is pure evil. How can you destroy your own child like that and not even care and still in the end blame everyone else and play the victim. It's just so sick!

  • @lesnash6953
    @lesnash6953 Před 4 lety +43

    I lived this. I've been free for a year now.

    • @kokomylife6911
      @kokomylife6911 Před 4 lety

      I as well
      SMH🎉🎉🎉

    • @mtshyna
      @mtshyna Před 4 lety

      It’s been two months for me. I struggle at times but sooooo much better 😆

    • @Jumpman90
      @Jumpman90 Před 4 lety +3

      It’s been 9 months away and I still have bad days. Is that normal?

    • @yourmomwearscombatboots7905
      @yourmomwearscombatboots7905 Před 3 lety

      @@Jumpman90 yes. At least for me. Mine was not a romantic relationship. It was my so called mother.
      I cut her out over 2 years ago after she pushed my father (her satellite) to suicide.
      It's normal stay strong.

  • @NicNicole808
    @NicNicole808 Před 4 lety +64

    I keep hearing they have very little self esteem or self worth, however I also notice and observe that they appear to have the most self esteem and self worth. I get that it's a facade but how on Earth do they appear to be so incredibly confident? They appear to be very giving, caring, the nicest people in the world on the surface. Sometimes I see glimpses of caring but often wonder if that, too is an illusion.

    • @2explore1
      @2explore1 Před 4 lety +17

      Because their emotional responses are that of an unmatured brain. Their frontal cortex and amygdala balance is off. Their real lack of empathy is off and their actions tend to be that of a child wanting more than he/she knows what is acceptable. It makes them feel an selfish entitlement. These people only see themselves as deserving. and constantly look for bailouts since they are nearly incapable of taking mature action on their own. It's an easy way to pass the buck/blame and play the pity deserving game. Behind the scenes they sabotage joy by minimizing anything good accomplishments you may attain and feel they are superior to you. Sadly, I learned this the hard way and at a young age caring for a close family member. I know this person had trauma in their past so kept excusing it until I realized this person has to take on responsibility for their own actions to and get professional help if they want. I still feel love for this person and always hope to see a change for better. To this day, this person still minimizes my accomplishments, demonstrates angry bouts, and loves to dominate our conversations. However, I've learned a few tools to diffuse the irrational responses and maintain my own measure of peace. That said: 'I don't recommend this for everyone.' Some have to cut off all ties to remain sane.

    • @barbaradewolf7304
      @barbaradewolf7304 Před 3 lety +5

      Im facing this right now, married for 45 yrs and he has made my life hell. He now claims he sees he has a mental disorder and will move out and help me financially but no trust on my part...numerous affairs and always sorry but not...yikes

    • @weepingsparrow1372
      @weepingsparrow1372 Před 3 lety +5

      @@barbaradewolf7304 so sorry. Im on the same road in life as you. Married 38 yrs. Stayed married for the kids , still raising a 16 yr old. I go in and out of reality, sometimes see that I'm played with false kindness and aggression, and then I feel strong and detach from him , then I get confused and feel I'm this terrible person for months. And those times I feel I'm in hell.

    • @a.humphries8678
      @a.humphries8678 Před 3 lety +5

      Everyone else is defective, because they're not as superior and as amazing as them!!

    • @bratzsnoopy
      @bratzsnoopy Před 3 lety +9

      The more inferior they feel inside, the more superior they will try to appear on the outside.
      It’s an overcompensation
      A person at peace with themselves doesn’t feel the need to prove anything

  • @robertgates2769
    @robertgates2769 Před 4 lety +13

    Wow. That description is my ex narc exactly! She follows the narcissist play book so perfectly it is scary. I had no idea a person like this ever existed. Hopefully I never encounter one ever again.

  • @craigmerkey8518
    @craigmerkey8518 Před 4 lety +37

    great information, thank you... having a narcissistic family member is so exhausting... the trauma is real it is so sad... the behavior does not change!

    • @dannysze8183
      @dannysze8183 Před 4 lety +3

      I know what you mean, my sister in law is an extreme covert narcissist. horrible to deal with.

    • @craigmerkey8518
      @craigmerkey8518 Před 4 lety +2

      @@dannysze8183 right... best wishes... I am disengaged with my mother... I live about 1300 miles away by design...

    • @dannysze8183
      @dannysze8183 Před 4 lety +2

      @@craigmerkey8518 omg, I cannot believe what would it be like if your parents are narcissist. god bless.

  • @cynthiakeyes8402
    @cynthiakeyes8402 Před 4 lety +14

    I wish all this information was more available back in the 80s when I was victimized and almost destroyed. Now I have learned what happened, and what within me led to being involved with this person, and have an understanding of what drove the person. Healing has taken place, and I am moving on with more awareness.

  • @MIZZTIG971
    @MIZZTIG971 Před 3 lety +8

    7 years relationship with this type i almost died . I am 3 months out but he still tries to run this game. Working on me and healing. Thank you for videos. He took on my entire personality almost alienated me from my friends. I am an empath. You describe every thing I undured.

  • @aliceroberts1980
    @aliceroberts1980 Před 4 lety +115

    I have one for you my husband goes to my favorite jewelry store every Christmas and buys me what asked him not to buy every year to hurt my feelings. Like to make sure I know that I’m not important and he doesn’t care about me all very passive aggressive. This is a little place that has unusual stuff kind of artistic stuff. I told him I have enough gold loops so could you get me something else?? Every year I open the one gift he buys I do all the other gifts ! So last year he put my gift under the tree while he was at work I opened it guess what was in it?? You guess it gold loops !!!! I found the receipt on the dresser I returned them buy a way nicer gift a necklace that was a little more money more that the 50.00 he spent on me. Had the girl wrap it in the same paper the other one was in I take it home and drop it in the gift bag under the tree.So on Christmas I open it and I’m so surprised I say thanks you hon it beautiful I love it you should have seen his face !! He say but ... that’s not what I bought you. !!!!! I said what difference does it make he’s like well someone else will very disappointed when the don’t get the gift we’re supposed to get . It’s funny this man has never in his life care about someone else getting the short end of stick in his life . He was disappointed because he didn’t get to hurt me on Christmas. I love Christmas it my favorite holiday. I love buying gifts for people and the kids. His Christmas fun was seeing the hurt look on my face the sick bastard !!

    • @aliceroberts1980
      @aliceroberts1980 Před 4 lety +9

      Rebecca Zung Yep you have get away from them.

    • @MrOkemmuo
      @MrOkemmuo Před 4 lety +23

      It’s very insidious because when you try to explain it to others it makes you feel crazy because they hurt you in very subtle ways. If you don’t leave him I’d recommend acting like you don’t want what you really do want and trick him into getting what you really want if that makes sense.

    • @Bahbahlatje
      @Bahbahlatje Před 4 lety +18

      My CN ex used to use gifts as a way to make digs at me and show me how little I mattered. Once I told I wanted a ruby tennis bracelet for a big anniversary. For my birthday, he bought a cheap bracelet at Overstock. When I didn't get the message, he made sure he pointed out how cheap the stones were. Another time, he gave me a diet cookbook when I weighed all of 120 lbs. I was so dense that I didn't take his gifts as the insults they were meant to be and always acted happy to get his insult gifts. When we separated, I gave him back the cheap bracelet through the lawyers and got rid of the diet cook book.

    • @flamingsword777
      @flamingsword777 Před 4 lety +15

      @@Bahbahlatje wanna hear something crazy? A few years ago while in Tennessee for Thanksgiving with his family (and for both my sons and my birthday right after) he bought me this REALLY weird necklace. It was hideous. It featured a silver cage with a silver bird perched inside and you can open the door. How symbolic! I NEVER wear it and i refuse to. He had told me just last year "this isn't a prison, you can go whenever you want" but also has told me many times before "i don't NEED you here, i CHOOSE to have you here." I can't do this anymore......

    • @cassandracassie1013
      @cassandracassie1013 Před 4 lety +5

      OmG , how can you still live under the same roof with a devil? How is that possible? Are you economically dependent?

  • @Professional_Nobody
    @Professional_Nobody Před 4 lety +36

    The idolizing...ugh...if I had a quarter everytime I heard “you’re the only one I’m THIS attracted to”, id retire.

    • @exceptional04
      @exceptional04 Před 4 lety

      Your not the only one I’m attracted to. Sorry 😐

    • @FindYourFree
      @FindYourFree Před 4 lety +2

      Love bombing masters..fake

    • @lisap1484
      @lisap1484 Před 3 lety

      Omg YES!

    • @barbarafordham9185
      @barbarafordham9185 Před 3 lety

      I got told I am the ugliest person he has ever seen on the inside and outside. He says I disgust him and he hopes I get raped.

  • @hugavet3049
    @hugavet3049 Před 4 lety +16

    "I never said that." YES, time after time I think to myself, this isn't worth a divorce but it builds up over time

    • @Katrn30
      @Katrn30 Před 2 lety +2

      Yes…the little red flags build up over time and together make up a great big flapping flag telling us to get out!

  • @camilleharris3457
    @camilleharris3457 Před 4 lety +48

    Debbie's book was eye opening for me, i have yet to read a more accurate description. Especially the chapter on sex, none of the other books talk about this issue and sex is such an important part of a romantic relationship. I thank myself daily for leaving him, these people are extremely destructive. Great video, thank you!!

    • @nahmastay7497
      @nahmastay7497 Před 4 lety +13

      Camille Do you smile everyday morning that you wake up and he’s not there...I do. After 20 years I never thought I’d be so happy. God shields us when you let him in your heart.

  • @tararosin8613
    @tararosin8613 Před 4 lety +75

    My narc sister description to the “T”. God blessed the family when she moved away. Ding dong the witch is gone!

    • @samellee7509
      @samellee7509 Před 4 lety +3

      @@RebeccaZungEsq Same with my superintendent. Gone! They are around in all areas of life. No one thinks about property management situations, though.

    • @samellee7509
      @samellee7509 Před 4 lety +1

      @@RebeccaZungEsq I will be buying your book! Is there an audiobook copy on audible?

    • @samellee7509
      @samellee7509 Před 4 lety +3

      @@RebeccaZungEsq it might be difficult, but do you have a shortcut method of finding a good lawyer in Canada, other than the Internet? Things these days when the internet have become more obscure.
      BTW, your videos are excellent!! This topic is the top one issue that are so underreported because of they are covert. I am involved with 4 currently 😞😢

    • @kokomylife6911
      @kokomylife6911 Před 4 lety

      😂

  • @LisaLee123
    @LisaLee123 Před 4 lety +15

    You checked off so many things wow. I was in a relationship for years and kept giving them the benefit of the doubt until something clicked... Now I'm binging all these videos on the topic just so i can know how I can deal with it because now I have to co-parent.

  • @jlondon2415
    @jlondon2415 Před 4 lety +21

    Excellent work,accurate reflections of this illness.A true pandemic of our times and unlike any physical illness whereby it can seen via the naked eye,narcissism cannot.Always the first indication is a personal feeling that something isn't quite right here,trust that feeling as it will ultimately save you.

  • @tiffanysmith6513
    @tiffanysmith6513 Před 3 lety +17

    I live with a narcissist that has completely isolated me and financially ruined me. We share an 8 year old together. I have no support system.

    • @TheReetchou
      @TheReetchou Před 3 lety +3

      Get your mindset ready right now. Think what you need when you are ready to live alone.

    • @noracharles9366
      @noracharles9366 Před 2 lety

      Are you OK Tiffany? ⚜

    • @unapologeticella4540
      @unapologeticella4540 Před 2 lety

      Se I have no family they don't care but they don't pay my bills so it's ok this is no victim 2022🎉🎆

    • @karenwalker6116
      @karenwalker6116 Před 2 lety

      Get away asap

    • @pearli8181
      @pearli8181 Před 2 lety

      I went toa domestic abuse shelter. They can help you get independence.

  • @irenebuford8930
    @irenebuford8930 Před 4 lety +16

    Ms. Zung, Great job on breaking free of the two covert narcissist.... I am very proud of you.... The smarter you are, you will always attract narcissist in your mist.... Narcissist survive off of our confidence.... I finally broke free from my ex narcissist boyfriend, fortunately I am a 'Super Empath', so I survived it.....

  • @Thomas_Geist
    @Thomas_Geist Před 3 lety +8

    I’ve had my share of relationships with narcissists (which is another question.). No one is perfect so... When it comes to these small things that seem like slights I let the first couple go and say nothing; but after the second event I start looking for patterns. When they’re obvious to the point I can predict them I’m gone.
    I don’t provide a reason or give them a chance to love-bomb, deny, gaslight, etc., other than it isn’t working for me since I know the tricks they play. At the point where it’s obvious my mind is made up and that’s the end of it. No looking back, no self doubt; but you can only do that if you let things develop on their own and give them the rope to hang themselves.

    • @lovestolaugh
      @lovestolaugh Před rokem +1

      Perfect! When I found out my new husband was one, I basically just made it look like my fault and said I could never love him the way he needs to be loved. And I don't want to try to make him happy because I can't do it. And I don't want him to try to make me happy because he can't.

  • @rubberbiscuit99
    @rubberbiscuit99 Před 4 lety +33

    So glad this info is getting to be more widely known. I spent decades with one of these very disordered people and was nearly destroyed from the inside out with the drip-drip-drip as you say. The projection is bad enough on its own, but add in all the other stuff and it is just way too much. When you separate or divorce get ready for the smear campaign. Mine is a smearer extraordinaire. Yes that book is so good and covers the patterns with disturbing accuracy.

    • @ninan2670
      @ninan2670 Před 3 lety +1

      Love the term "smeared extraordinaire" - it captures the messy malice perfectly...
      Also a victim of decades wasted... and wish the info was more widely known in earlier times : CZcams has shifted the conversation! Best regards

    • @ninan2670
      @ninan2670 Před 3 lety +1

      That was SMEARER! !! AUTOCORRECT clearly not familiar with new language adaptations !...

    • @heathermoss2910
      @heathermoss2910 Před 3 lety

      Oh my goodness yes, and it started a LONG time ago yet he still comes back, and then smears me even worse to the people he works with... just to play the victim with them, i feel so stupid for allowing this to go on since we married in 2010

  • @khadijatajmohd3144
    @khadijatajmohd3144 Před 4 lety +5

    Such a good person " that's what people think about them

  • @clarestelfox7359
    @clarestelfox7359 Před 4 lety +8

    Spot on! They have gaslighting and personas-per-audience down to a fine art...

  • @luclelievre9330
    @luclelievre9330 Před 3 lety +2

    I don't feel a victim anymore; I rather feel like I can fight these corrupt people.

  • @TheresaTruong
    @TheresaTruong Před 4 lety +38

    That was a really clear definition. I could picture a person clearly when you were describing the traits of a covert passive aggressive narcissist! Great video!

  • @kasey77
    @kasey77 Před 3 lety +8

    I feel free listening to this. I had no idea what I had been dealing with. I am an empath. A member of my family has devastated me. Ha...now I understand. Thank You.

  • @beritkobro3335
    @beritkobro3335 Před 3 lety +8

    Berit of Norway « You forgot that they are twofaced , one Facebook for outsiders and one for the family»

  • @VeronicaDiPolo
    @VeronicaDiPolo Před 4 lety +29

    I've been a target of one of those! It's not a happy place to be, dealing with a person like that can be a real struggle, and depending on who it is, it's hard to spot them, but we have to, they only take energy away from us

  • @nahmastay7497
    @nahmastay7497 Před 4 lety +103

    Covert passive aggressive = nice outer appearance + victim mentality+lacks boundaries +manipulates---> my mother and husband. My husband would raise the window of the car when my hand was in it then I would scream that I could raise my own window and he would say oh sorry but would do it again the next time

    • @KingPhoey
      @KingPhoey Před 4 lety +11

      This describes my ex perfectly.

    • @harleyhearse
      @harleyhearse Před 4 lety +6

      That describes my Mother and my soon to be ex wife to a "T".

    • @lisavaden9903
      @lisavaden9903 Před 4 lety +4

      OMG! My husband had done this to me, when we would go to see our parents ( we live out side city limits) everytime my hand would be outside the window he would roll up the window and act as if he didn't know my hand was there.. but this happens several times..

    • @luxebeauty5706
      @luxebeauty5706 Před 4 lety +3

      Mother & husband, also BPD. Dad was the overt. Spent my entire life being manipulated and learning what was happening. Trying to break free at 62...

    • @sandrasmith6430
      @sandrasmith6430 Před 4 lety +3

      @@lisavaden9903 See I'm petty and hell hath no fury....you know that saying...."Hurt People Hurt People" I would leave that saying around where he could see it.

  • @keyamoore8031
    @keyamoore8031 Před 4 lety +17

    Yep this is the one I had. They just a whole headache full of drama.

  • @GS-st9ns
    @GS-st9ns Před 4 lety +63

    I had no idea our marriage and engagement was an ambush. What a waste of time for both of us. He needed to injure and ambush that badly. The whole relationship was one Ambush after another until I became pregnant, then we ignored each other. Nice nasty, nice nasty that passive-aggressive all the time. What a shame I didn't see this video long ago. 14 years later I'm out, but it's still mind-boggling

    • @ninan2670
      @ninan2670 Před 3 lety +2

      Yes, what a pity all this info wasn't available earlier...

    • @addiedn
      @addiedn Před 3 lety +2

      Your story is so similar to mine.. Ambushed from the beginning then babies.. I'm out 7 yrs later

  • @forestbirdgirl
    @forestbirdgirl Před 4 lety +7

    OMG you nailed it! every detail! I am so glad it's over! There was nothing else I could do, because most people thought this person was a Saint...What a sh*t show! I put up, shut up, and moved on when it was time -but the expeienced has stayed with me. Thank You so much Rebecca for helping me put words to this horible experience, it does help put my mind more at ease. "Target," Yes; "Survivor," Yes; "Victim, "Never! Yet still I wonder what is it in me that attracted this person and situation in the first place? I continue to look within, to change that aspect of myself that attracted this person into my life; needless to say, I have learned a lot about myself from this whole experience.

  • @michaeljackson7361
    @michaeljackson7361 Před 4 lety +31

    People don't have a clue.

  • @ddaavviiddttaaaaffee
    @ddaavviiddttaaaaffee Před 4 lety +3

    Your right. I am a magnet for such people. What is real bad is the odd sense of guilt one feels when getting rid of them. Of course by the time one realise the poison of their narsasist has a grip, it is nearly to late, and the effects of the gas lighting has you doubting yourself and the decision you took to get away.

  • @TheOldMayfieldPlace
    @TheOldMayfieldPlace Před 4 lety +18

    Thanks for describing a passive-aggressive narcissist. I have known one or two, just didn't know how to categorize them.

  • @belcantoarias853
    @belcantoarias853 Před 4 lety +12

    Thank you. Great content!
    Being an Empath the constant fatal attraction for Narcissists in life always an infinite struggle and challenge.

  • @AngelaWoolsey
    @AngelaWoolsey Před 4 lety +19

    I’m glad that you mentioned the bully on the playground, because my ex is a covert Narc to a T. I was beginning to wonder when I heard that they’ll fight in divorce court, Because as soon as I stood up to him and filed for divorce, he went completely docile. Occasionally, he’ll start talking crap, but as soon as I confront him on what he said or did, he’d back down. Thank you for all your work. I appreciate it. I’m a new subscriber and binge watched! 👍🏻

    • @nahmastay7497
      @nahmastay7497 Před 4 lety +7

      Angela it’s amazing the difference you see when you set boundaries. I don’t think either of us recognize one another. He has become this kind victim type and I have boundaries like a boss. The only thing is I’ve seen his mask off and I will never forget it.

    • @AngelaWoolsey
      @AngelaWoolsey Před 4 lety +5

      Nu Mo Thats how I feel since I’ve glimpsed behind the mask. I finally see who he really is. My advantage is that now I know he’s a narcissist and he doesn’t. 👌🏻

    • @lovestolaugh
      @lovestolaugh Před rokem +1

      Mine went completely dormant as well after I mentioned splitting up. No narcissistic behavior really at all. Why is this?

    • @lovestolaugh
      @lovestolaugh Před rokem

      How did he behave in court and while going through that whole process? Did he end up being terrible again?

    • @AngelaWoolsey
      @AngelaWoolsey Před rokem

      @@lovestolaugh I don’t know why they change, but there was really no court. I filed, he filed his response, we went to a mediator and had everything settled there. We didn’t own house so he got one car I got the other we split the kids 50-50 he paid minimal child support. I got my maiden name back and we signed all the paperwork on his birthday lol

  • @johnblossom8447
    @johnblossom8447 Před 3 lety +3

    I think that’s why I got into a relationship with my ex. She was a single mother with a very sweet daughter. I truly wanted to help them.

  • @jasoncampbell4723
    @jasoncampbell4723 Před 3 lety +5

    I’m definitely learning from your videos. I’ve married 2 covert narcs, my mom is also a narc, you are opening my eyes, I’m about to divorce my second narc wife. I appreciate your hep and allowing me to become aware of what’s really going on.

  • @ich6636
    @ich6636 Před 4 lety +10

    I like you and enjoy very much to watch your videos. I finally feel validated on a legal niveau when I listen to you. I went through hell when I tried to divorce my husband. He blackmailed me, intimidated me, hided all assets and left me without a cent although I'm a stay at home mom with 2 small children. I live in Austria and here they don't recognize or dont care to recognize this maleficent people and their behavior, in Court. I consulted different lawyers and finally I found one that I suppose was herself a narcisist and after the horrible way she treated me and how she practically told me I'm not entitled to even alimony for my children, I dropped the divorce idea and stayed in the marriage. Senseless to say how down I feel in this encounter called marriage but I also know that I dont have the money and the strength to beat my husband in court so I must endure a few years for my children sakes.
    However, your videos and the ones from Dr Ramani are helping me to cope and go on every day.
    Thank you !❤

    • @maryb.9391
      @maryb.9391 Před 3 lety

      Please know it is not you, and hang on. I have to hang on, unless I want to quit my job right before I'm able to retire.
      3 Bosses that I just try to keep my distance, limit my interaction, 1 word responses.
      They try to crush our souls, we can't let them !

  • @angellovebud59
    @angellovebud59 Před 3 lety +2

    Wow it's astounding... every point on checklist... I've been bamboozled

  • @growingandlearning164
    @growingandlearning164 Před 4 lety +8

    Thank you I was in a 12yrs relationship with one . From 1997.married from 2003 till 2010 .one child..I left when the devaluing got too much.Worked out what he was 4yrs after leaving when I started looking at how I was gravitating to him and the patterns we had then realized my mother was one also. Free and well away from both and life is great 10yrs later.

  • @yvettekastur4795
    @yvettekastur4795 Před 7 měsíci +1

    I could have used you from 2015 - 2020. Hellish divorce and we had nothing! Thank you for your videos.

  • @DesmondPRyan
    @DesmondPRyan Před 3 lety +2

    It's like they give all covert narcs a handbook that they all follow

  • @tcrezdak
    @tcrezdak Před 3 lety +4

    U go girl! Thx for sharing. I’m a survivor of 1 malignant n 2 coverts. I’m a PhD n still fell for it. I’m now a psychologist n can spot it but still working on my self esteem daily!! ❤️

  • @msc8245
    @msc8245 Před rokem +2

    Your channel is amazing. Love your strength and information. Thank You

  • @verdevalley1966
    @verdevalley1966 Před 3 lety +1

    REBECCA ZUNG-i lived over 20 yrs with covert-tried to kill me 12 times-i was always in fear and every one thot he was wonderful-he was so evil-i prayed so hard for help and one day 5 yrs ago he got up and dropped dead on couch- i knew the lord helped me. they are sooooo evil. i could write a book on it.-i love your videos -they help me now to go back and listen and to get rid of it as i had ptsd from it-thank you for your videos...

  • @jenshelor5630
    @jenshelor5630 Před 4 lety +7

    I feel like the narcissist I deal with is a combo of all the descriptions!!

  • @clayandputtyvideos1647
    @clayandputtyvideos1647 Před 4 lety +6

    Thank you for your very helpful videos. Yes there are some extremely manipulative people out there I have seen some palette of variations already on Facebook and chat rooms. I have cried many hours because of being bullied and also just from grief over some people's viciousness. But the crying was cleansing and I learned a Lot from those encounters and observations. It's all a learning and healing process.

  • @SJ-nq8lw
    @SJ-nq8lw Před 4 lety +3

    My narcissist took me to a rock concert. We were walking in and the gate guard lady asked me what I was doing with that guy as I’m so pretty I could get anyone. He pipes up and said “ you should see her with her sunglasses off”! He was pissed he wasn’t the center of attention. I was mortified.

  • @Honeybeemcnugget
    @Honeybeemcnugget Před 3 lety +3

    When passive aggression doesn’t work, the covert narcissist gets very overtly aggressive and even malignant.

  • @goglu1m892
    @goglu1m892 Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you for these videos. I worked for a covert narcissist for more than 15 years. I finally had the chance to leave. I am outspoken and my colleagues did not believe me a lot of times. I knew him so well that I am sure my colleagues thought that I was the narcissist one. He really tried to separate us to rule better. I had to manipulate sometimes and lie to him to survive. I am still recovering and its been 3 years.

    • @goglu1m892
      @goglu1m892 Před 3 lety

      I've became suspicious of people and keeps my own company more and more to be sure that these situations will not happen again, ever.

  • @jackpallet773
    @jackpallet773 Před rokem +1

    I’ve got the chills.. 14 year war (marriage) with this exactly.. I’m stunned and want to cry… she checks every box and does everything you describe..

  • @geneman4
    @geneman4 Před 3 lety +2

    When she asked me 'do you know how long it's been since you held me?' . I said yea ever since you left me. End of topic.

  • @karinturkington2455
    @karinturkington2455 Před 4 lety +23

    I have definitely been there.

  • @krystalrussell38
    @krystalrussell38 Před 3 lety +2

    I am studying narcissism because I dealt with them for a long time.

  • @ilovemycatsbro
    @ilovemycatsbro Před 4 lety +9

    My in-laws to the tee. Went no contact. It's been almost a year. Boy oh boy was it a trip.

    • @michellemykelhouse1590
      @michellemykelhouse1590 Před 4 lety

      Mental health hazards who the hell needs them!👑

    • @samanthasmiles9112
      @samanthasmiles9112 Před 3 lety +1

      My father-in-law is a covert. But my husband won't admit to it. My husband's dream was to support his parents and have them live with us. His Dad had an outburst and he threatened to kick my husband's ass in front of my family. I finally told my husband that his parents can't live with us. I told him that our marriage won't make it. Thank God, my husband has made peace with it now. I hate feeling like the bad guy but I refuse to lose my peaceful home.

  • @anthonyziemba6920
    @anthonyziemba6920 Před 4 lety +9

    Rebecca everything you have mentioned in that book is exactly what I've been going through right now many many years with this narcissist. I'm not married to her but living with her. right now she's very nice and loving side due to the virus and the quarantine here in Florida that we're going through even her own son can't handle her so I found myself being the wedge between the Sun and her I have allowed myself trying to fix it actually being sucked in to a very very soul sucking narcissist leech.and people don't realize these particular individuals are very smart very convincing my personality is helping people and sometimes I block things out that should be looked at a lot closer that's what caused a lot of problems in my life thinking I can fix it but to your point I'm describing a narcissist has really helped me become stronger know exactly what to say and I'm working on an exit stage left.

  • @JamesMcCoy84
    @JamesMcCoy84 Před 2 lety +1

    I’ve heard that book recommended before but because of this video…I read it today. WOW!! Just when I thought I couldn’t learn anything new about narcissism. I broke down and almost collapsed in tears.

  • @bluefenixalchemy7
    @bluefenixalchemy7 Před 2 lety +2

    100 percent on Target
    Every description correctly described
    Thank you for sharing and shining a light on these behaviors
    Hardest thing for a caring person to do...
    We need to learn to "just say NO"
    Then run 🏃‍♂️ their like vampires
    Every word 🙌 💯 👏 👌

  • @yaifern8346
    @yaifern8346 Před 3 lety +2

    Yes “strange world of insanity that one need escape.” Yes Rebecca Zung gave me the words I did not have words to describe that entanglement.

  • @q2_20
    @q2_20 Před 3 lety +6

    Girl your videos are fantastic. I appreciate that concise and direct advice you're offering. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and expertise.

  • @thegungal
    @thegungal Před 2 lety +1

    OMG. After 7 years with a covert narc I had a breakdown. I never knew what a narc was until I discarded him. I’m still having trouble with the trauma bond. It comes and goes - I feel like I’m doing great and moving forward then I miss him. I have broken NC twice in 7 months. No more. I have to stay strong

  • @sirwin4487
    @sirwin4487 Před rokem +1

    Fifteen years with who I believe is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. Six months out and people still don’t understand. I was never allowed to meet with her friends or work colleagues socially or even weddings. Nothing made sense until the discard because I was in denial. This affirms what I believe. Thank you

  • @AidaLawlor
    @AidaLawlor Před 4 lety +16

    Oh Wow! Your description literally was so clear and made me think of a few people in my life! Thank you for sharing this info...

  • @growingandlearning164
    @growingandlearning164 Před 4 lety +11

    Everything you say is exactly how it is !!

  • @shadesofidaho
    @shadesofidaho Před 4 lety +5

    The first time he made a devaluing comment I shrugged it off too. The second time NOT so much the third time I was like in my mind hit the road jack............... Now when I happen to run into him in town I just keep any conversation short. As soon as he makes a comment about something he knows I LOVE he says I have no interest in that. My next comment is well I guess this conversation is over then and walk away. I live in a tiny town of 160/170 people so it is not uncommon to run into him every month or so. He is also my almost next door neighbor. AND then another way I get my own digs back because now the tables have turned and I am just screwing with him as he is/was trying to do to me except I am onto him is when I want to get away without seeming rude I say I have to scoot I have an appointment. He always asks with WHO and I just say "Oh it is nothing you would be interested in." Paybacks. I know not nice of me. I d it anyway.

  • @debbyglaser8582
    @debbyglaser8582 Před 4 lety +2

    Just bought the book!, I've been sooo used to Narcissists in my life I even picked out the most Narcissistic dog out of the litter! Know your Aussies!! I'm learning a lot from your videos, worksheets, and resources. I can spot the Narc lingo, and baits now, and am happier. Less contact, more peace. I am keeping the dog. He knows who is Alpha, and who feeds him!! Thanks!

  • @sirmisterman
    @sirmisterman Před 2 lety +2

    Such a good book. Learned so much and realized I keep attracting these false 'empath' passive aggressive types.

  • @lisanelson7365
    @lisanelson7365 Před 3 lety +1

    It can get very ugly when you stop giving them time, attention, sympathy, etc..

  • @notaclue822
    @notaclue822 Před rokem +1

    I bought the book and can confirm it's excellent.

  • @krystalMtn
    @krystalMtn Před 4 lety +16

    The covert I am divorcing would always bring home the wrong items from the store I had asked for, or wrong food from a drive thru, but it would only be my meal out of 4 meals that was wrong. A favorite of his was to buy me flowers he knew I hated vs buying me less expensive favorite flowers. He would also buy me gifts that were cheap knock off's or something not even close to what he knew I wanted. I always ended up donating that stuff to get rid of it. He brought up divorce multiple times in last three years but was too coward to ever file so I finally did. He didn't think I would follow through on my threat when I said I was calling a lawyer. Now mid divorce and court dates postponed due to covid 19, stuck in home 24/7 with him.

    • @annekerotterdam7499
      @annekerotterdam7499 Před 4 lety +3

      Sounds familiar. That's what they do!! Go no contact as much as you can, or 'grey rock' , give no information what you're going to do etc. Good luck. (CZcams: The Little Shaman Healing)

    • @milamou9352
      @milamou9352 Před 4 lety +5

      I'm in the same situation. Every day for the past 15 years of marriage I've had to try so hard to maintain my sanity. There is no end to his acts of passive aggression - I have them each and every day, throughout the day. I used to ask him why does he do this or that when he knows it upsets me. I was accused of being neurotic, too sensitive or he'd belittle me. Only in the past year or so I have learned about narcissism through my family doctor who also knows him. He told me never to react to him, even if I felt murderous inside, because they love to see us hurt or angry - it's their oxygen. I can't stand to stay married to this soul sucking monster any longer and filed for divorce in January. Covid-19 has changed the pace of everything. It will pass. Stay strong, stay determined and don't react - easier said than done I know but arguing them is exhausting for us and ecstacy for them. I wish you well, stay safe. 💕

  • @kellysardella928
    @kellysardella928 Před 4 lety +2

    I was beginning to doubt my husband was a true narc until this video...

  • @jessiefailla
    @jessiefailla Před 4 lety +3

    MYYYY goodness!!!! This is my husband EXACTLY!!!!! I thought I was crazy!!! Thank you so much for sharing this info.

  • @deedoonan1878
    @deedoonan1878 Před 2 lety +1

    What amazes me is, they tell people your the Narcissist.

  • @MelisJoy
    @MelisJoy Před rokem +1

    Want to point out that someone can have many toxic traits, especially passive aggression, and be guilty of gaslighting, and the 4 horeseman of the apocalypse, avoidant attachment, yet still not be a covert or narcissist. That's the enigma I've faced for 6 years now. It's finally reached its boiling point...

  • @MeCynthiaAnn
    @MeCynthiaAnn Před 11 měsíci +1

    Haaahaaa…love it…”hopefully you will live to tell about it.”
    You are so awesome.

  • @jitsroller
    @jitsroller Před 3 lety

    I dated a person just like this for over a year. Subtle guilt trips were the flavor of the day. She lied, misrepresented her self, also said she was an empath. But constantly needed me to prop her up and talk her through tough times. Very subtle mind game artist. Thank God we're done.

  • @kimwilliams1402
    @kimwilliams1402 Před 4 lety +3

    I found out a friend of 30yrs has this problem, pretending to be nice, but he started spying on me , I only look at him as friend, he is always mad and sneaky