Understanding The Games That Narcissists Play With You And What To Do About It
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- čas přidán 30. 01. 2023
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If you're in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, you know that it can be difficult to make sense of what's going on. Narcissists often play games with their partners, and it can be hard to figure out what's really happening. In this video I'll explain some of the most common games narcissists play, and offer some tips for how to deal with them.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• Understanding The Game...
• Understanding The Game... - Zábava
The easiest way to see if a romantic interest is a Narcissist, just simply tell them the strongest word in the English language which is no. Sit back and watch their reaction. A narcissist will sustain a narcissistic injury from just being told no to any request they have. That injury will have to be healed by them either displaying anger or at a later date illustrating coldness or a punishment in some form. They have the emotional intelligence and regulation of a child.
Yeah I got punish in the worst form in the historic of this monsters can punish anybody I did not know at that this time no was so powerful word now the first thing I do when I meet anybody is no it’s like my narcissist test 😂
@@patriciaortiz2069 that’s awesome! Also look up some HG Tudor books including “50 things not to do with a narcissist, black flags, and red flags”!
I WILL TAKE care of myself!
So sick, MY DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND!!
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
I am married to a narcissist but I won't give him the satisfaction to apply his supplies to me including the bed. Amazingly, he is still here. He charmed me in many ways but won't work with me. Love bombing definitely not an option. Gaslighting is not effective as I already knew his plan. Just ignore him completely. He tantrum like a child. You think I will feel sorry? Nope! He can dive in the lake with his supplies. I don't care anymore.
Good job!👏
Lol good for u!
I hear you
The silent treatment can come from the person dealing with a Narcissist because they are tired of dealing with the lies and manipulation of a Covert Narcissist.
Yes that's true
This is very true since you can’t talk to them about most things we stopped talking
Same. I call it sanity treatment, instead of.silent treatment. I know if I say anything, try to.explain myself, my.feelings, I only wind up feeling more.hurt and unheard. And if I go against.or disagree with anything he did, it immediately.gets.flipped into something else, and he's the victim. Staying silent is the only way to stay sane!
Facts
Ghost. Grey rock. Cut them off. If you absolutely cannot, then minimize as much as possible your contact with them. When they start to pull their inevitable games, stop engaging in any way, and leave immediately. The last thing in the world is to lose contact with you, the last thing they can stand is you removing yourself from their lives. Don't react, don't lose your cool, don't say anything, remove your presence. That is the only thing you can do. You cannot fix them, you cannot help them, they cannot change, save yourself, neither you nor anyone else can save them.
It’s all relevant what you say. It’s just the insult of it all & hypocrisy that’s difficult to accept.
@@kiiclark8391 Which is why you cut them off. That is their modus operandi. They will activate their flying monkeys to be sure, but over time, healthy and good people will see the truth. Stay strong.
Smh but theb my heart goes, God or the universe or whatever you call the Boss lol can change any and everything/everyone....
Jesus Christ can fix their brokenness. Pray for them .
@@dez8346 Not in this life.
Dominating the conversation, interrupting when I speak, and becoming triggered when I don’t let them interrupt and accuse me of attacking them. It’s exhausting
Yes I have had a massive amount of this recently. It's so important that individuals identifiey these people just quietly for themselves and then quietly back away (lived experience!).
TOTALLY ❣️❣️
It is exhausting. I never been in that kind of abusive relationship,when I said no, man she would get all indignant. Lol glad she is gone. I won't even read her e mails,I think I finally got her to understand I want no part of her.
I’ve seen this… it’s been 2 months I’m doing my very best to be free of a covert narcissist. He has literally been stuck in my head because of all the head games, it’s SICK. They make you feel crazy. Never been so emotionally drained in my life. But by the grace of God, I’m getting better.
Yes, By the grace of GOD. Blessings
😢🙏🏻🌈
Every single day you’re further away from them. Resist their words circulating in your head anytime you can. You’ll completely be free of them some day.
Thank you Jesus
yes same here.
I lived it for seven years. He was able to turn me into a monster. I did become obsessed. I thought it was me, now I know from your videos, it never was.
One thing I’ve always said about my narcissistic mother is that the amount she loves someone is directly proportional to how much servitude she can get out of you. And if you’re no longer able to be her foot slave available to her beck and call, then she no longer wants you around!
ouch... that one made my heart sting abit. remembering what i went through.. jeez.
I feel this
Be yourself no matter what relationship your in. Know your self worth. Hang up calls for burial plots and other nasty calls. No contact is very important. Once you leave you can't look back because the narcissist will be 10 times worse than before (whoever it is relationship, parent, sibling, friend etc)
My ex lied all the way through the divorce proceedings. It was fantastical and sad at the same time. Just to put the whole sick game out of its misery, I had my lawyer write up an “everyone walks away clean” (meaning letting GO of my rights to alimony, pensions, etc.) . Some thought I was insane but most, who SAW what was happening and KNEW what he was doing, were like “let it all go girl, he’s MESSY. Why bring pieces of that into your future?”
After some careful thought and remembering all of the financial chaos I had lived through during the marriage, it made perfect sense to me that things such as mandated alimony and whatnot would have CONTINUED to bind me to his chaos, even AFTER a divorce. Why would I want to keep THAT part in my life?? He was already working hard to hid assets,lying to the magistrate. . . making it CLEAR he was going to continue to play the SAME games he played during the marriage. The quickest and cleanest way to regain control of my own space was to simply leave with MY stuff (what was left of it) and walk away from ALL of what was in HIS realm.
BEST DECISION EVER.
unfortuneately healing takes time. took me 20 years to totally figure it out and finally let go. he still can't look me in the eye. ick, imagine how it sucks to be them!!!
It took me 10 years to figure out that I was losing money between the time needed to be prepared for the many times he'd take me back to court and lost and what I lost not spending that time on my business.
@@vickihellenbrand2708 girl it’s ridiculous.
Congratulations to you on walking away. That took courage and intelligence on your part. I use the term circus clowns that’s how I describe them. I blame the mom and dad who cause this child to lose their pure authentic self and become this awful human being. Parents, moms in particular you need to check yourself because the parenting that is NOT taking place the way it should for a child is running rampant in society. Please ask yourself why your bringing children in the world if you can’t see the damage you’re causing to little ones that end up growing up in a world and hurting others through tactics that cause dis ease and torment to others . Please stop the nonsense.
the truth always comes out in the end!!
A Narc will play mind games with you as a cute little reminder telling you that “I'm still out here” and “you can't get rid of me" and “I'm going to continue harassing you” so they can attempt to continue to control you, your family, your kids, your friends or money or whatever. Mind games are a fun way to entertain themselves at your expence! A Narc loves and wants to win any game so if you let this behavior get under your skin you will be doomed. They will win and you just become the laughing stock once again. It's the hardest thing to ignore because they know exactly what to say or do to get in your head and just fuck you up. Sorry but the 'french' is needed. Look, whatever a Narc tells people (mainly lies) it's just something you can't control and you can't change. People will believe what they want to believe about you and that's on them -not you. If you lose a family member or friend to their BS then that person was never really a good person to have in your life anyway…be gone with the shit and start new with folks who really care for you. Toxic energy needs to be discarded so your healing can continue. Remain no contact and if your situation can be one where you don't have to deal with the Narc then do it. Just stay away and take control of your life! Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
So true!! The mind games will fuck you up 6 love. The only way is to cut them off completely if possible . If not, you have to grey rock to keep your sanity .
Stay strong , I can relate to everything u wrote .
It’s been over 12 months since I left him, and 3 months since settlement, and he still harasses me constantly, at times I feel sorry for him but then I remember all the nasty words , and it snaps me right back to reality, I’m the happiest I’ve been in 31 years .
I get told, "You`re gonna do what YOU want anyway!" when my control freak relatives try to tell me what to do or buy at/for my OWN HOME! YES! I`M CERTAINLY GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND BUY WHAT I WANT! EXACTLY! BINGO!!!
YES! Keep SLAYing! Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
Your so wise.
Funny, my wife used the same line last night. Finding all this info out has helped immensely. I'm expecting a discard sooner than later due to my unwillingness to buy into it anymore.
Wow, my fiancé say those exact words to me everyday 😢
If it`s a logical remark its different. If not then there`s a problem. My relatives expect me to live in a camper, no car, disabled, with no source of emergency electricity in an area affected by hurricanes. And I because I`m poor they act like I shouldn`t spend my savings on solar power for a small air conditioner to avoid heat stroke when the power fails. Well...guess who had air conditioning during FIVE extreme heat emergency power outages this summer and who DIDN`T? And did anybody come check to see if I was ok after a severe storm with 80 mph winds? OF COURSE NOT! So that`s why I chose solar power over a gas generator. I have no way to GET GAS and I`m not begging them for help. @@chrtyhwrd
I know exactly how narcissists make me feel.
It is like dying and being tormented and slowly killed, do not try to connect with them no matter how lonely you are.
They are evil, charming until they get what they want which is usually something selfish, and scary!
Being uneducated is the worst thing, people need to wake up.
Don't let these evil people break you down, you are dealing with somebody so demonic that you just need to get away and stop wanting to help or fix them.
They don't feel like a normal person does or the way you feel and never will they are driven by demonic entities.
I am glad I found these videos because it can save a person's life
Yes that's exactly the way it feels. It's like they are sucking your soul out of you leaving you a lifeless body. The one I was talking to would do this and then immediately call me over and over once I say I'm done
Yesss, its something spiritual evilness… made me lie in bed with Gods word on my headphones… saying sorry, I need rest… he looking strange at me?
When COVID hit and I had to stay home and not stay with my narcissistic boyfriend, I suddenly could see how peaceful I was not seeing him. I was really enjoying just being home by myself. That was eye opening for me and was the beginning of the end. Once I started thinking about how I felt, he began the devalue and discard phase!!
Same here!!💯
That's a blessing from Jesus
There is a section of my book, Purgatory to Paradise, that’s called “Death By a Thousand Cuts.” I got cancer from the torture but managed to amputate the relationship and thrive. Love the term micro-manipulation! So spot on!🎯
I seen this
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you for asking! I am thriving and helping other survivors align with the healing power of their beauty.🌸
I thought very petty people used to use the popular term "microaggression" like a fussy child online. However this more specific rebranding of the word is one I really dig too. Some guy named Andrew on another YT NPD channel said the word "mini-discard" which is needed for the vernacular of recovery like this one.
I will check that book out.
I really don't know how far I might have gotten without the lifesaving advice of Rebecca and a dozen of others online neither through, she's "slaying"* it here per usual
*Her website has her regular "slay" word in its title. I might check that out. As a Class of '91 guy, SLAYER (the band) RULES! (Even 'Post Mortum' of their career ending recently. Sorry to allude to a song of theirs, ha ha )
Yup x😢
As someone who was raised by a single mother malignant narcissist, and then experienced the trauma repetition of all the evil significant others, I can truly say that narcissists think everyone else should think just like they do (this is very deep), and also think they KNOW what everyone else is thinking.
Exactly!
Thank you for saying this.
This was exactly the thing he was constantly doing: accusing me of HIS OWN thinking which he was projecting on me
I've seen this. I was raised like this. My mother was a covert narcissist and I was the family scapegoat.
Been there done that left at age 15
My mother was a narcissist. I was the golden child but that was no fun either. Her temper tantrums were epic.
Tell me more about it! Do you have a good support system in place?
@@RebeccaZungEsq Not exactly I have a lot of problems socializing and I cut my whole family out of my life since my extended family are my mother's flying monkeys/enablers. I have a hand full of tentative friends. I do go to church but most of them have minimal interaction with me and I don't want to make them more uncomfortable than I already do.
@@AthenaVelecta Sorry to hear about what you've been through. I know you got this!
Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
My ex was a covert narcissist and it was miserable living with the pathetic little jerk, he absolutely took pleasure in hurting me and trying to crush any confidence I had. I've felt so much more emotionally supported from my friends and even people I've only known a short while than I ever felt with him. This man made me late to a final exam because he resented my going back to school.
I can relate. My narc ex took my car in the middle lane of the night knowing I had a final exam the next morning and he totaled my car.
Called me 5:00am saying “I total car b!tćh”.. thankfully I had a friend take me to my college and by the grace of god I passed. I could hardly focus from being so stressed.
Then I moved out and was going to get a tow truck to get my car from his house. He busted all my windows out a day before I was able to get it towed.
They are very spiteful and don’t want you doing anything to progress or improve without them.
They make empty promises, which I didn't even ask for, then project negativity so they won't have to follow through. Yes, a pit in the stomach and a literal ache in the heart. Yes, water on fire when wanting to rejoice with them.
@@HelenLange-up1pzblah blah blah
So Sick
My exhusband purposely drove to a different hospital after attending the right hospital for days on the day my grandmother died. I wasn't able to see her that day before she took her last breath. Web of control.
They also pretend, in front of others, to be attempting to do nice things for you - things that, on the surface to those not realizing the history, appear as though they benefit you. All the while, the narc knows they don't benefit you, but annoy & insult you. Like sending flowers for occasions you don't observe. Dropping off supposed "mail" that was actually cards I sent my deceased mother over the years. That creep is actually celebrating the fact that he hastened my mother's death, and that I am in mourning over her!! These phony benefits are meant to provoke you into reacting negatively so others will be appalled at your negative response to the narc's phony nice gesture.
Thank you so much for sharing! So how long have you been dealing with this person?
@@RebeccaZungEsq My whole life. He is an older brother. I only became aware he was a narcissist about two years ago. Like most, I had just been dealing with him off the cuff, reacting to all the awful ways he was treating me, and thinking, "just forgive him, and move on," and not being even slightly aware of half of what he was pulling behind the scenes. Now that more has come to light, it's a nightmare to unravel and come back against. The thing is, it's never going to stop until I get away from him for good. And that's exactly what I am going to do.
Condolences you N your family. Sorry about your mom.
@@ladyllf48 Thank you. It means a lot. There's been no one since Mom died, and some days are really hard.
I still maintain that behind every narcissist is something they're shamed about,
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
The silent treatment,devaluing and evil stare YUP it's there.thanks for the advice it's very helpful..
I've seen this!!! I am in the middle of a divorce with a covert Narcissist who has been manipulating me for 11 years. He got me to add him to my house and now I'm going to have to sell it to split it with him 😕 I can't believe I was such a sucker.
show the divorce judge how you acquired the house and how much he contributed to the house (or not) and offer the part he paid for . Show financial records. If any of the money you paid for the house was through inherited funds you may get that part back.
@@janisosborne1775 👍🌹
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Silent treatment, aloofness about situations they cause, or works on his car all day & we don’t end up doing something together that we had planned. Just feel stuck, I recognize the problem.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
It’s helpful to create your own life if your staying in the relationship, hobbies, friends, activities, when I realized the situation 25 yrs ago ( the advice and education Rebecca provides was not available as easily then, I read a lot of self help books) at the time I had my awakening I went back to school ( I couldn’t afford to leave the relationship due to young children, no support, no job) I went back to work, after college my earnings gave some flexibility, I had some control over money that I hadn’t had for yrs! I’m polite, I listen to him, I just kinda do my own thing! And when I started listening to Rebecca I learned how respond with absolute confidence! And that feeling is awesome! Your not stupid!
I am taking care of myself or at least I am learning to. Many self help books are teaching me how to say no. I lived 73 yrs b4 I learned that it was okay for me to say I am not going to do that for you. That was something to learn. That freed me quite a bit. In addition these channels have taught me the many red flags to watch and listen for. In the past 2 yrs I have completely dodged 3 narcs and did not allow them to get their hooks into me. I am learning to do what the comedian Kevin Hart says he does - shrug my shoulders and move on. What a great feeling. Thanks for your teaching.
This is awesome
By following my 4 Step plan, you can win when dealing with narcissism! Learn more >> slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc 🌟
The funny thing is that my covert narc mother was constantly accusing me of being a psychopath and a pathological liar. It's like she was accusing me of being herself.
Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
My Mother was a malignant narc. She used to accuse me of being selfish. It was all projection. I think they do it all the time.
Thats called projecting they project onto you which is in them but they dont acknowledge their own toxic self
My previse wife used to do that alot😄
Classic projection.
Yes I’ve seen this over and over again, they seriously get stuck in your head, lying deceiving demons , constantly messing with your head, walking on eggshells ignoring using
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
You have been right on the money. I'm currently right in the middle of the end of an 8 year covert narcissistic relationship and I didn't even see it. Your videos are helping
My neighbor who I now know was a narc (he recently passed) but he called me and asked if I had any milk and would I bring it to him. So I drove to his house (1 block) and he continued to sit on his porch until I walked the milk to him then I quickly left. Months later I saw his estranged wife and I was telling her about it. She said "he's ALLERGIC to milk". The creep was testing me!! Why??? To see how easily I could be controlled?? I failed.
Their so bored .. they need a sh*t test. Ppl to see how much power .. when you tell normal ppl how they operate .. we sound crazy 😵💫
Oh my God 😮😳😯😬!!!!!
Omg r u serious? That is crazy.
@@ladyllf48 My mom is a covert narc. These narcs raise us to be People Pleasers. If somebody is in need and they ask, I will do for them, no problem. Why not? But sometimes those asking are narcs themselves. Very hard to discern because it's not my nature to be mean and say no.
Did the milk kill him? 🤣
There's a certain amount of jealousy that is actually healthy and then there's a certain amount of devaluation that you start to realize that they don't care about you the same way that you care about them that's the difference
They feed you a dream of the future....they only promise dreams and only deliver nightmares.
Yes, to them any attention is better than no attention. It's all about them knowing they are getting your attention.
True! So how long have you been dealing with this person?
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thankfully not long.I soon worked out what she was up to.
I also currently have a client with BPD and I suspect her ex is a narcissist - knows how to push her buttons to get control. Even in Court.
My little narcissistic friend even went to so far as to feign illnesses to get attention.
This is all my daily life. My wife is the poster child for absolutely everything you are saying.
Get out of it bro
My recent ex. Eye opener isn't it?
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
It's so true. The covert ones are the worst. The woes me thing was my ex's mantra. He wpuld create 4 or 5 problems in a week, blame add and memory problems, and then if the was a talk at some point sit there and say, nothing works when he was breaking all agreements. Everything with them is delays, drag things out, and excuses. Some of these things like you don't and you put every thing before me we say to them because of the triangulatins, invalidaions, minamizations, ignoring, and justifying. So sick. Totally!
Insults, ignoring, lies- YUP. I Have to chase around house, restaurant etc to have a partial conversation.
Sorry to hear about what you've been through. You got this! Keep SLAYing!
Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
Not only have I seen this, I’ve lived this for my entire life. I’m so thankful I understand this now!
Me too. Demonic mother and sister
By following my 4 Step plan, you can win when dealing with narcissism! Learn more >> slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc 🌟
@@SweepDailyWin same here. Mother and Sister
I will take care of myself and put myself first, removing myself from situations where I feel disrespected.
It's Time to Break Free for Good...Let's Do This! Sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc 💪
I am 60 now. But when I was 33 years old, my neighbor who was 94 years old told me that I should run for mayor in our little fishing town in western New York. I miss that type off flame fanning now. God bless everybody here. Smitty.
No matter how many of your videos I watch and can see what they do to everyone they encounter...I will NEVER be able to understand their behaviors. I have some pretty life devastating disorders but have zero desire to take it out on an innocent person. The phone electronic stalkers do though. They try to drag out abusive relationships even for the abusers instead of letting people move on with their life
I have a daughter that is married to a narrsistic monster! My daughter doesn't even act like the daughter I once knew. She is shutting down, she is so depressed and is isolating herself. Last time I seen her she told me he is constantly accusing her of cheating on him, blames her for everything no matter what is not going right for him, he tells her she's the blame. Everything you have said in this video is exactly spot on what she's going through and having to deal with him is making her feel she's going crazy ! Im her mom and it break's my heart cause he keeps her away from me and I can see my daughter has confused her, he makes her feel she's the blame for everything ! Yes mskes fun of her as well and puts her down all the time. She also told me he's demoic and evil. I believe her life is in danger 😢 and I don't know what I can say or do to get her to get away from him to save her own life. I am so worried about her. My daughter has been with this monster for 26 year's already and it has brought her so far down, where she has know self esteem left! Please help me to know what I can say or do to get her away from him cause he is he so crazy! 😭💔🙏🏼😔😱 Help !
Finally! Someone to explain what the hell he was doing!
Been her supply been thru the devaluation,been thru love bombing the devaluation and believe me in saving I have known the true depth of pain that I never knew known in my life,never known such cruelty meanness hatred and coldness. Been thru her day we can be friends build me up then email hours later saying we can’t been friends because I am to emotionally involved over 4 times had that game played on me. The crazy thing I can see the deep hurt and pain she has hidden inside. My hell is I still love her deeply care for her and what happens to her.she blamed me for everything and stated I made her do this or that.well she is now hear back up to her old behaviors at soon 63 yrs old hooking up with younger men for her own intimate pleasures. It pure hell watching someone destroy their lives. Was told she also deals with BPD. She had it all a home financial security man that came home to her never cheated gave her everything. Nothing I ever done for her was ever good enough always found fault in everything I done.I was told by a family member that her mom was a pathological liar and yes I have seen that many times. Amazing how one can live in all their own lies and believes what she tells herself. Never seen a person more self sabotaging self destructive personality in my life. Why do these people destroy everything good in their lives. Rebecca had the push pull game played know that game well
You have to pray and work in harmony,its hard I still love my husband,but we have to love ourselves, when you look at everything you have gone through with them , ask Jehovah for his holyspirit to help you with the strength you need to help you to make the proper decision to help bring the joy of heart back
Thanks so much for sharing with us. Sorry to hear about what you've been through with your wife.
Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
This is all very true and utterly disturbing, they are literally everywhere!
That is so true! So what is one point that you start using today? 🙌
Yup. He just got served with divorce papers and he live bombed. Now he's on dating sites talking to other girls. He said he is moving on quickly so it didn't hurt so bad.
I have dealt with it my whole life. However, it took me 52 years to finally collapse and, educate myself and heal
"Malicious Intent: You can't get them to agree with previous arrangements agreed.
You're either for them or against them.
Passive Agressive tactical manoeuvre.
Silent Treatment...Boom ! They want you to do the chasing.
#devaluation
I had lost 92 lbs. Size 20 to a size 10. And he says (in an intimate moment) you look great but if you'd work a little harder here and here you'd be perfect. I thought it doesn't matter what I do it is never enough. I gave up. Blew my diet and health routine and gained 50lbs in 3 months. I'm so pissed with myself for letting this happen. He rants at me about my weight daily. And I do need to be healthier. I just cant get in the frame of mind to do it.
You did it once you can do it again. On the same journey right now.
Just wanted to reach out to you ladies and suggest... phentermine. I had put on about 40 lbs of weight with pregnancy and personal injury, realized the emotional eating that was happening during such a traumatic time, and finally asked my PCP for weight loss drugs. Phentermine can be taken up to 3-4 months at a time, then a break of a few months, then taken again. I didn't suffer any stimulant side effects unless I also drank too much coffee.
That’s what a narcissist does! Sabotage! Take your power back!!!!
My husband weighs 100 pounds more than me! I’m not allowed to turn the heater up from 67 degrees in Oregon in the winter. I try and tell people about it and they ask me why I don’t just turn the heater up. No one understands the consequences I pay for not doing what I’m supposed to do.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Sounds like a sleeping with the enemy scenario.
This is all so true. 8 years of isolation, no friends like before, no family like before, lost myself, got sick for over 2.5 years of being unable to walk, destroyed on every level at that time. Found myself in a very dark hole of hell and still to this day continuing to lift myself up and from this. My plants have been cut, chopped or died. My dishes have been either broke, bent, dented or damaged in some way. My linens cut, burnt or damaged in some way. My things, such as tools, money, or garments, missing and no where to be found. My hair damaged or becoming shorter while sleeping. Almost 7 years of this with so many lies, deceit, disrespect, devaluing and depleting so much of my life on a daily. Feeling like a bird stuck in a cage with my wings cut to the core and no one to talk to or express myself with. Relying solely on other people in social media to help with breathing techniques, learning about trauma bonding and so much more! 47 years old and learning to forgive, most myself for allowing so much harm. Not only with my own self but my children. It's so sad how another can sick all the life and light out of someone who was a social butterfly, so giving, and spontaneous. To being lost in life and losing who you once were and trying to find help to heal and one day help others who have lived a life of hell since childhood and it following you... I'm grateful for these videos only wish one day I will find peace, not only within but outwardly. Learn to smile and to be able to share and not be afraid to talk to others in fear of judgment or negative responses...I pray that I find a home of my own and a new life to begin another, again and hoping it'll be the last time. Because this has been the worst.. learning self love is so important and creating boundaries and sticking with them. I'm wanted then not wanted. I'm ignored and seen as a ghost. Then I'm not worth anything but a burden. I know it's lies but this shit is so real and sad as hell to live. 15 year relationship almost the same. To another that is now 7 years and even worse than the one before... it's a horrible cycle of hell! The most important is to listen to your intuition and not allow 500 chances... Go with the 1st and let it go.. and move quickly before you get caught in a web of hell! Others can't see and do not know, let alone you're seen as the problem because they are really good at manipulating others! Then they ignore you and see them as the sweet and kind one. You're told you're crazy and left with no outlet, for so long it starts to eat away at your mind, body and soul.. then your spirit becomes so weak and they enjoy every bit of watching you.. suffer in silence.. sometimes it's years.. it seems like an eternity... much love to all who go through this and I pray you're able to get away before it becomes so poisonous and toxic to your entire being! Follow your gut and listen to your inner self! ❤
May I ask your age?
When I've shared I was hurting it wasn't to manipulate. I needed what everyone does.... healthy compassion. M arr
Thank you Rebecca. There's a whole town of people. That do this. All of it. Thank you for teaching me how to "see" this.
There's a whole world fool of people like this.! And it's getting worse. Seriously. The better life is the worse they get.
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
Well explained Rebecca, I have seen this exactly as it is being explained and still presently observing the crazy control that he is trying to play. He says rude words then sends flowers. Sends loads of manipulation messages then deletes them. I used to get sickly affected but now I simply let him be himself. This person is a business partner but he thinks he owns me. I learned through self development not to argue with bullies. I keep my peace to myself. What I care is the end result in the business. The rest is drama .
I hear my world on all these testing, and even more my assuring behavior she described and I never get the love bomb, just the constant devalue discard, new test to setup the devalue!
Sorry to hear about what you've been through! What is one point that you start using today?
@@RebeccaZungEsq been married 41 years, always knew something was wacky and wrong, remember reading a book back in the 80’s, “ People of the Lie” it identified exactly what I was dealing with, just never learned to run, I’ve finally learned to stop reacting to every test (double binds) but after a week or so I always stumble and react, I call these the Gotcha Moments and there is a long list that are used in the Devalue state, and I’ve learned it’s futile to have any adult conversation that would lead to any kind of inner reflection , and course correct in a better way, so I just say ok. She is the Victim and I’m the Abuser, according to her, also I just learned of the DARVO framework, hits the nail on the head on her Game!!!!
Thanks Rebecca,
You hit all the nails on the head. Everything you speak of, had happened to me. I first met her after an old schoolmate introduced us. Her husband was killed in an auto accident, leaving her 6 mos. pregnant. She and I appeared to be enjoying each other’s company, her son was born, and I stood by her side and helped her raise him in a stable environment. He turned into a very happy child, did very well in school, graduated college, and has done well for himself from what I understand. I no longer have contact with him. His mother used every weapon that you talk about, to devalue and degrade me. She completely destroyed everything that was built during our 18 years of having a family that I thought I’d still have, and no longer do. The newly built house, new cars in the driveway, the vacations, down to the always full refrigerator wasn’t good enough. In the end she filed for divorce and drove the final nail in the coffin. I tolerated her narcissistic narcissistic traits, in order for her son to continue to have the best that I could provide for him. The new home, the new cars, and every other good thing was thrown in the trash by her and her divorce lawyer.
I wish I could’ve heard your solid advice, oh so long ago.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Mine is so bad that you can't compliment him if you compliment him it angers him that was one of the first things I noticed before I knew he was narcissistic
Same nothing you say or do is ever good enough
When did that happen?
That is strange because they thrive upon compliments and work hard to make sure they get plenty of them throughout their day. Notice I said their day. After all, IT IS THEIR DAY. They are just noble enough to share it with you. Isn't that so sweet of them?
First the narc groomed me, love-crumbing me along the way. Then she sexually assaulted me. Then I told her that wasn’t ok. Then she pretended it was normal. Then I asked for an apology. Then she refused and then she sent me a letter saying she couldn’t be my doctor anymore.
Then I started looking for an attorney.
Yup, i have a daughter- in-law who has turned my son away from me through her narcissistic behaviors. I wish I could get my son to see the reality of what's happening. I was married to one and now I have a daughter-in-law that is one. It's very painfull and so heart breaking to see him falling down the same path towards the devil.
Is it possible to negotiate with narcissists and not feel like you're losing your power? Introducing....OUTSMART A NARCISSIST A 4-STEP PROVEN PLAN To Take Your Power Back! Learn more >> slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc✨
Authentic is their worst mood spoiler 😢
Agree! So how long have you been dealing with this person?
Broken promises is their second language.
Coverts ARE the worst- mainly I think because they start so early… micro manipulation!!! N you’ll look like the crazy one!!!!
A covert is good to EVERYONE, including wait staff etc....they ONLY treat their partner bad....everyone thinks they're totally amazing and your crazy, they tell everyone how bad you are and because they're so sincere and nice in public, they're believed. They aren't the loud blustering ones
My mother's favorite saying when I disagreed with her in the smallest way, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth, etc."
I’ve seen this and been through it with family and an ex boyfriend a few of them actually. Started with having to be ok with their inappropriate female friends, to getting discarded, back to love bombed. Was online cheating on me caught him multiple times get gaslighted so bad that was made to believe he joined those sites when were broke up (during a discard). This crap had gone on for 3 years. I learned about narcissists, my intuition, the reason I felt sick to my stomach all the time and said bye. The trauma bond was real once past that I started soaring in healing. Healing from Natc parents, siblings, and exs, not easy at all but will be worth it 🙏🏼
Yep, I have a friend that is a Narcissist, and she is in ruff shape and her narcissism starting to get the best of her. I've been gradually educating her on narcissism and what it is, C6 validation from toxic men that are drug suppliers and drug users, she does everything she can to hide it but she keeps exposing herself to me wanting me to understand this evil side of her. I understand she has to seek help herself in order for her to break free from the toxic environment world that she's created herself. I know what she sees in myself that she craves is what she can't get from toxic people.
Yes, he started walking away from the very beginning, without any real reason. Then mentioning that he was walking 'at his own pace'. He smeared me often in public, even in front of total strangers. He signaled me 4 times that he was breaking up with me. Then came back. Yes I am strength incarnated. But the moral, spiritual, physical, mental and emotional walls of my Life
Have been progressively eroded. In just months.
My initial love for him has been replaced by this awareness hat he is playing me.
He often looks very shamed when I turn up at his place.
It's like he is at least 2 persons all the time.
I have brought up bipolarity. He did an innocent act first. And now is showing his fangs openly.
Exit Stage 1 ? Wish me luck please. I need it. 🙏🍀
Literally says that! “You don’t love me you’re nice to everybody but me” when clearly I have gone above and beyond to make sure he feels loved and supported
Well I don’t even try to be nice I just ignore him,it hurts more than any word I could say,I’m silent 🤫 loving the GRAY ROCK 🪨 idea 💡 best thing ever I only speak 🗣️ if I have to most of the time it’s silent 🤫 and did I mention the lies 🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥🤥 he lies more than a log 🪵 and you know that they lie all day 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
I have seen this. I have four narcissistic adult children. One of them has become a Reiki Practitioner and I feel so sorry for those seeking help that way. Please, be careful!
So Sick!!! :) Rebecca, your content is on fire right now. :) :) :) So useful!
Hi.Ive been watching and listening to you for a long time.I just want to tell you how much you helped me to pull me up to gain oversight of my life with a narc gf for the last almost 4 years.This lecture has been extraordenary insightful and awakening for my selfaware.
I admire so much how you have taken your pain and used it to motivate you for yourself and the next person.
All the best .
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
My dear Rebecca, I am an empath/Cranio sacral therapist…I turned 71 a couple of months ago. I’ve been listening to you for two years. You helped me turn my 30+ year marriage around. I’ve gone to Alanon off and on for 35 years. You gave me the added understanding and tools to change and therefore “He” changed. I divorced my second husband/father of my only child who I now know was and still is a malignant narc and still can reek havoc. I wish I had known then what I know now. Back then I just knew he was sick. Unfortunately, my daughter married one. I am still detoxing from a recent extended visit. I live abroad and had not seen them in over three years. I listened to your videos religiously and I must say I did well not taking the bait and responding not reacting, or simply walking away. Your sharing your experience, strength and hope with all of us is such a gift. I have shared your videos with all my friends whether they thought they needed it ir not😂. I send you much love, light and appreciation lovely 💞🌟🙏🏼
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Thank you so much for this Rebecca. I just can't describe how much confirmation I received from this. The analogies you use are excellent. Thank you again.
I have only listened to 15 mins so far and every aspect you have mentioned I exeperienced in 20 yrs of marriage to my wife who I just had to call it quits with. I did not even know what the word narcissist was until she accused me of being one so I went searching to find out what it meant. Why did I stick with it for 20yrs....I was brought up to practise unconditional love causing me to find excuses for her behavior.
You have given me so much peace of mind that I did the right thing by ending the relationship which was a very hard thing for me to do.
Thank you I will listen to the rest as time permits.
This is a reality check for me,what's mind blowing is everything this lady is saying and describing is what I remember my now eEX was doing,I mean my God Kelly had me thinking I was the problem,that I was a burden to her that I was a financial burden full of drama that ruined her life ,this woman really had me thinking I was the problem and I needed to get right or get left, she'd say I needed to step up my game in reference to making more money .
She had a nick nycor me, she'd call me tornado and I thought I was cuss I couldn't stay still,I was constantly doing things doing for her.
I promised her that I'd do better that I'd work on it but never was good enough
I'm still in the process of trying to escape 14 years😢 of this nutt!. I don't feel anything about never hearing his voice or seeing him again. I'm not mad I'm good! I can't wait to BREATHE!! I was actually FORCED BY THE SHERIFF TO ALLOW HIM INSIDE!! This guy went to my manager to badmouth me and get me kicked out by lying and saying he had been living here against the rules but the sheriff listened and said i had to "evict" him. 😮 I gave a 30 day notice and started packing. So sick.
I've been waiting for a video that best described my situation Forever!! ...to have what has been happening between us, my confusing experiences and perceptions of it, before, during and after, to be validated - especially after I went no contact with my sibling several years ago.
This video is major help to me, you've hit every point on the head! Even though the romantic element of things isn't part of it, siblings or family members can and do all those things, with more ease, because they have greater access to you on far more levels than someone you've just met could ever hope to, plus it's a lot easier for them to masterfully construct a stronger cognitive dissonance and the fantasy they want you to live in and take all the time in the world (or as long as they can hold out) to get you where they want you!
Thank you so much!!❤
By following my 4 Step plan, you can win when dealing with narcissism! Learn more >> slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc 🌟
I ended into the cancer because of such a love 😢
I've seen this and experienced this..........Thanks to your videos and others was able to "see" and flee! Thank You ! Knowledge is power!
Glad you found them helpful! Keep Slaying! 💗
Yes, the narc in my life did this many times future faking me. She seemed to always be planning for the future & never really enjoying the present. And absolutely didn’t want to review the past directly. She felt too much associated shame, better to just simply block it out. Even though she was anchored by it because of her earlier emotional traumas. She seemed to even future fake herself. She also found it incredibly easy to lie. She was all about power & control and became quite upset when the mask finally slipped about six months into our LDR we met online (but not in a dating app). There’s no middle ground with them, narcs are a paradox. They desperately want love (along with a pathological craving for any form of attention.) Yet while they fear abandonment they behave interpersonally in ways that drive you away from them. I got the sense that she didn’t feel worthy. They secretly hate themselves while pretending to have it all together, brimming w/self-love at least that’s what they show outwardly. It’s truly a shame the “number “that their early caregivers manipulate them with. And it just snowballs from there.
Thanks so much for this helpful information! It's such good content...they can be very difficult to deal with.
By following my 4 Step plan, you can win when dealing with narcissism! Learn more >> slay.rebeccazung.com/outsmart-narc 🌟
This is eye opening, even after all these years. I bought all his stories and lies. I didn’t know they were lies at the time of course. I’ve read through a lot of my old journals, and now I can see how many times I believed things he did or told me that didn’t really make sense (lies). This happened from very early on in our relationship. I was such a patsy. He knew he could do anything (cheat) and he could tell me a story and I’d believe it. I was quite naive. The kicker is that he used to blame me for all our problems. 🤯
Thank u Rebecca this really is so good of you to do this and sharing your experience is massive it and it is very surreal tbh and I will definitely be continuing to watch u thank you so much ❤
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
Rereading my old journals is what opened my eyes along with books and people like Rebecca. Thank you for your comment.
Had a friend whose relationship was weird from the beginning, my friend felt scared, nervous drove me nuts to see her like this, she has a PHD in Biochem-Pharma, suggested she journal, fast forward now 10 years, she is looking back at those journals & realized nothing changed, it’s worse, he is a cheat, lies and abusive ( verbally, slapping, belittling, swearing & anger-to the children, CPS called he knew they were called-threatened the children, for CPS it was a he said, she said! to her he was always angry swearing, belittling!) going back and rereading the journal’s she realized nothing changes, tried counseling, then mediation, during counseling he met twit ( my name for another cheat, oh she has a record been in jail for assault, drunk driving with her children in vehicle, drug abuse , friend and I think he doesn’t know! You go from what my friend is to that, a definite extreme, We know he’s using her because it’s his supply. ) thanks to Rebecca she is navigating this human piece of manure brilliantly, and with children your absolute first concern because of a narcissist will use the children to get at you! Esp because they know these children are important to you! Friend took a lot of advice from Rebecca and it has definitely made a difference, and if you have children only do contact through the court and the e-mail route! And document!
Spot on with the flying monkeys. I've heard that term before. It is so true!!!
Thank you again for teaching me over and over. I look forward to listening to all your programs. It has made me aware of other people. And also to accept that you're not going to change a narcissist. Thank you so very much ❤️
I'm so glad I came across your video. I was diagnosed with mixef depression and anxiety because of the narcissistic relationship. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts just because I don't understand what is happening. I was treating her very well, but still, I was like getting tested and blamed constantly. Sometime she seemed to be lovely but then the testing would begin and everything would go downhill real quick. I am just so broken now, but I'm determined to get away from this relationship.
When it leads to suicide idolation let it be known! Hence dissolving the relationship.
Your videos are so helpful. I love your passion to help so many of us. My ex, and many of my tribe are everything you described. A horrible and ugly side of the human being. All women, please let’s run away from these injured beings. Let’s love ourselves, and practice kindness to all. I love your work Rebecca. Thank you, and please continue to be this strong woman, and carry on with your interior beauty. God bless you and all of us, the innocent victims of the sick men.( and in other cases women too).
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
I lived with a covert narcissist for 30 years and I didn’t know he’s a narcissist he abused me, physically, mentally emotionally I could go on and on so for the past four years, he has been given to me, silent treatment so often three months at a time and then I got sick of it I filed for divorce and then he got so mad and acted so crazy but I didn’t care. Then I found out that his been cheating on me since 2018 I’m so shocked and devastated😢😢
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@RebeccaZungEsq I’m doing ok thank you 🙏 I just have some digestive problems from stress😞
I’ve always supported you in whatever decision you make although you will never break me even with the betrayal. They have no boundaries so sad ❤❤❤
I have seen this and lived it. Thks to you I can now identify what is going on n have a name for it. It’s not just a confusion of suspicious thoughts in my head. It’s the narc setup for tanking me.
Great content! Appreciate it ❤❤
You are so welcome! Don't forget to hit like share and subscribe! ♥
Ahh, Sapolsky!! Yaass, he is an endocrinologist
By the way, I’ve been in a narc relation on and off for eight years. So 😅 I watch a lot of these. You’re really helping me right now.
This video is so spot on!!!
I’m so glad I just left this guy. Everything matches up
I have seen this on a weekly basis sometimes daily. So sick! But I will take care of myself.
Everything you said is nothing but facts. I’m currently going through it now.
Thank you for this video Rebecca Zung
Programming the mind via receipt totals, communicating via tweaking my music play list while I'm driving; communicating subtly through family members; following me to the gym - everywhere, really - accusing me of flirting. Then when I make light of their control by joking that they'll owe me something, even though I pay for myself, twisting the light-hearted suggestion to mean I am after their money. Basically, making a life with them is filled with drama.
Something was mentioned about their brains. That something is missing from it. Why did that happen to them and why can’t they feel what we feel. I’d like more about why they know how they should be but choosing not to be
When a person goes through
- abuses of all sorts . Physical / Sexual/ Verbal / Emotional etc
- rejection
- abandonment
- incest
- violence / trauma
When they hit the age of puberty : their bodies secrete : Adrenaline, instead of : Dopamine / Serotonin / Norepinephrine.
Adrenaline act as like : fight / flight syndrome.
They either go into addictions / rebellion / and all sort of vices.
A lot of serial killers have very bad upbringing and have narcissistic rage brewing & growing within them.
At the point of their wounds “,‘if they
do not deal with them, ( if you can accept it ), these youngsters allow demons of rage 😡/ anger / hate / unforgiveness/ malice / murder to fill them.
They create alter egos ( like a mask ), and their mission in life is to hurt others, make people miserable and go crazy.
The spirit of Jezebel also enters them. To manipulate and control.
I was delivered from a narcissist and God delivered me. He call this “a stronghold”.
He said “ I the Lord have delivered you from a stronghold , or it would have completely destroyed you”.
So my advice : walk away and don’t look back & do No Contact.
Many of these narcissists need deliverance and inner healing in Jesus name. But many are “anti God”.
Be safe and happy to all men and women who have gone through such experiences. Know for sure - even this shall pass.
So look forward to : New life , New beginnings . Blessings 🌹🌷🌸🌼💐🌺🌻🌸
I mean he's definitely narcissistic but I have the flue right now and not dealing with him very well so I'm just ignoring him. The silent treatment I guess but it's not really a treatment...I just don't have the energy.
It's so valuable, Thank you, I'm grateful .
I have seen this! -- I am actually in a new friendship with a neighbor and a group (of married senior men and separated women and 1 widower and 1 single, that's me). I just met them very recently like a month and I have observed my married neighbor (the one who invited me) the love-bombing, the gaslighting, the controling over me, the passive-aggressive, he also is an enabler and people-pleaser. I super see their need for their so-called, 'supply', 'validation' -- they are extremely insecure and suck my energy and happiness.
OMG! You just spoke the words right out of my mouth! I am having a 'pit in my stomach' because of this neighbor... Wow! So on point!!
I've seen it a million times!
What is something you're struggling with?
Violent. When he was screaming at me one time I told him, "Well, the neighbors know you're nuts now." He turned his screaming into a low scary roar hoping they wouldn't hear him (not saying that to me but I'm not an idiot). One neighbor started mocking him and saying everything he would say to me verbatim and he literally couldn't understand why he was doing that but he hated it and was really glad when they moved. I told him, "They're mocking you." I know it sounds mean the way I come across but 26 years of this and I was raised by my bio-mother who has narcissistic borderline personality disorder. Most of the time I don't speak at all but when I find a "teachable moment", I gird up my loins and finally say something.
Please check this out for extra support - icanslay.com/
Discarded 8 months ago after some craziness where I even had a moment questioning the manipulation. Yesterday, I received a random text
The best lesson I learned has been to be indifferent. Response was simple AF.
SOOOOO PROUD!
I don’t think this is the end though.
I finally get it now, Thank you so much!
Do you want to know more about the games narcissists play and what to do? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com
I'll see you all there!
We all share out here the same in one way or the other but it’s all the same emotional hell we have known from the depths deep with inside every part of. We have cried more than our share from such cruel callous mean hateful attacks that have cut deep with inside every part of us and such evil. How can another human being do such to another. My question is how do or can we really ever heal from such? I have as well as we all know it’s like Satan there infecting it him self upon us! How do we heal God only knows. Think we all kind of loose faith in man kind and find hard to trust in others. May The good Lord bless us all as we in dire need of him to save us from this hell we have known. I love us all