7 Ways to Ensure No One Likes or Respects You
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- čas přidán 20. 08. 2024
- #social #socialskills
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Let's invert the problems of respect & see how we could ensure no one likes or respects us :)
0:00 :)
0:07 (1) Interrupt others
0:37 (2) Only talk about yourself & your accomplishments
1:11 (3) Act disinterested when listening
1:50 (4) Don't listen at all
2:10 (5) Invalidate their feelings
3:08 (6) Passively cancel plans
3:58 (7) Disrespect yourself & wallow in your self-pity
For all you salty boiz in the comments saying this video is me attacking autistic people...
Not once did I think about autistic people when making it. This video is intended for allistic people only (people who aren't autistic).
Because sometimes autistic people can't help but do steps 1-5. So to include them in this equation would be unfair, and if you have any common sense, when you meet an autistic person, you give them the benefit of the doubt and help them to keep the interaction as easy as possible for them.
So stop looking for reasons to be offended. :)
Thank you for watching the video.
Lewis
reading this while watching examples 3, 4, and 5 was ironic
The fact u have to clarify this is just sad. Why are people so dumb and offendet by everything, holy shit. Imagine someone made a hiking guide or video or some shit. And everyone in the comments be like "OMG ARE U MOCKING PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS? WHAT ABOUT THEM DUH?!". Exactly what happens here. Why cant they just stfu.
I’m neurodivergent and at no point did I feel like I was being targeted, you’re all good (:
I didn't see this as attacking autistic people, but I understand why autistic people and neurodivergent may not like the video.
I think the problem is allistic people may not recognise autistic people (this is not rare and often the case, especially with lower-support-needs/ "high-functioning" autistics) and just assume that they are being rude for the exact reasons you mentioned (to be fair autistic people don't even realise they are autistic sometimes, I'm not blaming ppl for not being able to recognise neurodivergent people).
Autistic people may have watched this and felt awful because it kind of reinforces the idea that people will not like them or respect them because they may communicate in a way that allistics consider rude.
Again, not blaming you or anything or saying the video is bad! I'm just sharing my perspective.
I'm autistic and I didn't find this offensive lol. Allistic people do not need to defend us over silly stuff like this
Instructions unclear, I have become beloved by everyone around me. The pressure of expectations is too much to handle and I can feel myself crumbling
ALL THAT I AM I GIVE TO YOU.
AAAAAAHHH 🤩😍🤩😍🤩
i really respect you, your a great person to be around
So true! You always know what to say! Oh to have your wisdom, great Rose. 🌹
I have no idea who you are, but I would trust you with my life, you're so great.
Maybe you’re wrong. My dad follows these rules every single day, you may just have difficulty
"This is where my parents died"
Yeah so this reminds me of when i...
Dude, I wish you could've seen me this morning read this comment & instantly burst out laughing 🤣🤣🤣
*gets sucker punched by said person*
Yeah bro... my parents...
xd
I thought you'd say "can you draw them farting"
It’s frightening how easy a few of those behaviors come out when you’re suffering from a lack of sleep, jeez
and for introverts : depleted social energy
or autism. lol
ikr
@@CHNO-cm1rd Facts
or ADHD
Gosh i make the mistake of filling in people's sentences frequently. It doesn't help the conversation much but I have this aching feeling they think I'm not listening if I don't give breadcrumbs or something. The struggle...
I do this as well! I feel as though I’m showing we’re on the same page, and that I’m enthusiastic about coming to the same conclusion.
I have had the thought about it coming off as rude though, but I’ve never managed to conclude if it is percieved as rude by the other party.
@Micro. Same here, I think it depends on the person gard to know with strangers obviously, but with people you talk with frequently try to gauge their reaction when you do it some people I find actually like it and perceive it as active listening others are annoyed by it
Something you can do is kinda correlate your answer or the point you're adding to the conversation with what they said beforehand, makes it more natural and it clearly shows you heard and gave value to what they talked about
As long as you don't overdo it, it shouldn't be too bad. Like, when they struggle to find the word that sits at the tip of their tongue and you jump in to help them out, I don't think anyone would deem that rude.
Also, if you're actually good at keeping track of the topic in that way, you can really impress them if they get interrupted by a third person or some event and you help them to pick off where they left off. I managed to do this a few times with different people--sometimes they were convinced I was only half listening to begin with--and saw them light up instantly.
I generally dont finish sentences unless they are struggling for the word. But I absolutely understand what you mean. My general tactic is to try to watch for a que that they want to be sure you got something, at which point I try to summarize or say the same thing in a different way in just a couple words to show that I am not just hearing, but understanding. Its also good practice for being concise.
As a person with many enemies, I can confirm that these methods work extremely well.
😂
You have no enemies Thorfin
it triggers them extremly well
I am one of his enemies, it's true, these are tried and true methods
Superheroes: 😔
1- 0:06 Interrupt others
2- 0:35 Only talk about yourself and your accomplishments
3- 1:09 Act disinterested when listening
4- 1:49 Don’t listen at all
5- 2:09 Invalidate their feelings
6- 3:07 Passively cancel plans
7- 3:57 Disrespect yourself and wallow in self pity
8 (bonus)- putting the list in the comments to draw attention to your comment and take away from viewing the video😂 even if the CZcamsr already has put the list in the comment section… it’s all about getting attention
Thanks. I always search for the lists because it's more efficient.
thanks mate you saved me 5 minutes
Thanks!
Nailed it!
Liked your comment and disliied the video
RIP people on the Spectrum
I be tryin bruh but IT’S HARD 😭
as an autistic mf, the struggle is real
😢
Damn you had to call me out like that 😭 🙏
LMFAOOOOO no seriously 😂
I was like "dammit but I'm the most interesting person to me, but I also have an obnoxious desire to talk about it all the time."
This is why socializing is a skill and it takes practice to get better... and why I barely have any friends LOL
I plan on being left alone so this is great advice, thanks.
same. lol
Lmao good luck having a social life
@@yasininn76 what part of "Being Left Alone" don't you understand?
@@yasininn76lmao learn to read
@@yasininn76 Lol, I know a blind girl, if you're not using those eyes of yours, it'd change her life to have them!
I feel personally attacked. I now hate myself even more but ill try to better myself
Do it for you, not for others
Tips for the road:
You deserve respect none the less.
You're enough already my man, don't let other people decide that.
Everyone has a perfect core inside them and it's their mission to make it bloom the way it was made to.
Accept your core self, and mold your outer self accordingly.
Accept that it often takes work to get yourself out of bad habits and into healthy ones.
Also, the fact that you can see your own mistakes in this video tells me at least that you for sure don't deserve to hate yourself, sorry for the wall of text, this is probably something the guy in the video said I shouldn't do 😂
K
M
As a neurodivergent, sometimes I tend to try to relate to what others are saying by connecting it to my experience. It’s not easy to live in a neurotypical world.
wait, that's not normal???
I'm with you, Awesomes007. Aspie here, struggling on a daily basis to connect with neurotypicals (and mostly being bashed for it).
yeah, a lot of these feel as if contribute to a heavy mask. feels a bit hopeless to thrive in these environments believing such.. :") I'll try to find a balance myself though
as if they*
Thats literally normal behavior.
Finally! I'm SO tired of everyone liking & respecting me automatically!
Yeah, me too. People really love me in the darkest timeline.
Yeah brah 💀💀
I'm imagining a convo that's just a game of chicken to see who talks about themselves first.
"So, how's you?"
"oh good, u?"
"Oh ya know.. so anyways what's new?"
"Nothing much, what's new with you?"
(repeat until someone caves or everyone gets bored and gives up)
So.... how's you?
thats how conversations work, so the game doesnt mean anything other than who can talk the longest.
Or both people actively avoiding talking about what they want to talk about while trying to figure out what the other wants to talk about and turns out they never realize that they BOTH just wanted to rant about how obtuse 100% of voters for the other political party are
This was the case with one friend of mine, she just kept asking questions about EVERYTHING, while responding "nice"/"not bad". Eventually, she starts to run out of questions and leaves, until smth happens.
At some point not talking about yourself when people are asking specifically about you is as bad as talking about yourself too much.
Refusing to respect their questions
interrupt others can be unavoidable when youre in a meeting with alot of people in teams people just never shut up and you dont ever find a gap to say something
Agreed. That is the only tip in the video I’d add a caveat (if someone literally doesn’t stop and you’re pushed for time - a positive interruption is needed)
@@NewelOfKnowledge
"Agreed. That is the only tip in the video I’d add a caveat (if someone literally doesn’t stop and you’re pushed for time - a positive interruption is needed)"
You know. I have noticed that in the "struggles with autism" videos, eye-contact is difficult and uncomfortable for some people. You might want to consider a caveat around that as well.
@@PvblivsAelivsI'm not autistic but I do struggle with eye contact, here's a tip from my father which helped me: instead of looking in the other person in the eye, look on their forehead. It will look like you are making eye contact, but it's a bit less stressfull.
@@PvblivsAelivs just for neurodivergent people in general honestly
@@NewelOfKnowledge THE ONLY ONE??? bro number 7 is way more important omg
my dad is a master of all these strategies mentioned here
😭😭😭
My dad is also a master.
Do we all have the same dad?
same with my mom
In the US, women are less likely than men are to be bad listeners. Is this true elsewhere? Is it nature or nurture?
The thing though is, that the majority of people act like this and still have friends
Maybe that is because majority of people want to have friends, so they'll put up with undesirable behaviour
They may do 1 or 2 of these things, but not all of them.
Nobody's perfect. And good friends recognize that.
@K.C-2049 im sorry but by "like this" do you mean socially anxious people and traumatized people who dont want to be alone and spend time with others to prevent themselves from being dragged down into self hatred and doubt? Because that might not be what you're saying and i understand that, but that is literally what it sounds like youre saying with that wording. Not to mention a lot of things mentioned in this video are a trait of some kind of neurodivergency be it autism or ocd which honestly based on your description of the situation sounds *very* bad on your part.
@@ShyDigi No, this is not neurodivergence or social anxiety, just being selfish and self centered and i said majority of people in the modern world are self centered and cannot form meaningful friendship, as we live in a more egoistic and materialistic world now. Neurodiverge and social anxiety doesnt make an annoying/obnoxious person. Thats an oversimplification. Autistic people can be very caring and altruistic sometimes, although it depends on an individual basis. Social anxiety makes people struggle with socializing but in a different way than whats described here
@@potathoedudek3211Why do you say sometimes, like it's not the norm?
To be fair interrupting someone without coming off as rude is a very, VERY handy thing to know. Too many times have I been stuck waiting for someone to stop talking for a moment just for them to keep going on and on forever.
Usually for some people raising you hand a bit can queue them you want to ask or add something to the conversation if they are in monologue mode but people who usually monologue are not very aware of the rest of the participants so you need to cut them off one way or another. Asking a question directly to them about the topic at hand usually does the trick, something that forces them to acknowledge you immediately and stops the conversation from continuing further into their monologue.
Or just be rude, some people lack all soft skills and need the tough love approach.
THIS. My brother regularly gets angry at me because I stop paying attention to his words after about 40 minutes of having no chance to engage in the "conversation" myself, and his response is to throw an adult temper tantrum where he breaks things and punches holes in the wall because "I clearly don't care about ANYTHING he says"
I am the monologue friend 💀 it's just out of nowhere i need someone to make me stop
Whenever I want to add something to the conversation, I usually wait for the person talking to finish but usually 1 of 2 things happen: either they COMPLETELY change topics out of the blue OR someone interrupts them and changes the topic themselves. Am i not getting something here or am i just f**king autistic or something?
@maxave7448 preach it brother.
And if a spot is found and you do try to chime in something they talk over you
Already know what kind you are.
Dang dude. I learned a lot of this from my mom, who would constantly try to tell you what you meant, shut down vulnerability, invalidate your feelings (especially anger or sadness), and just generally not seem to actually want to listen unless she could add her own "expertise" and or opinion (which you had to agree with less you anger her). Made me feel so shit growing up, thinking I was always wrong for my feelings and thoughts.
Unfortunately, as this was my primary relationship in early life, I picked up a lot of these same bad habits, now able to realize they actually come from that same place of self hate and a need to prove I'm not a mess up that she inadvertently instilled. I was robbed of learning healthy communication as a kid because of the continued effects of the trauma my parents faced, and realizing I now have some of that same trauma really sucks. I blamed myself for so long, and I still don't know how to break free of it. I guess I'm just saying this to vent, and to let anyone who feels attacked by this video despite wanting to be different know that it may not be your fault, it may have been something done too you rather than a feature of yourself. Starting there my make it easier to heal
Thank you for sharing :] I'm rooting for you and your healing journey ❤ I wish you love, happiness and health, stranger!
That hit quite close to home. Same as the first reply.
You’re good bro
same, idk what the f to do
@@Dexxenyr Sounds like typical narcissistic behavior. I recommend a subreddit called r/raisedbynarcissists
1) Speak less to give them less ammunition to throw at you
2) Work on just letting the negative comments and emotions slide off of you so that it has less of an effect on your daily life
3) Work on becoming financially independent so that they cannot control your way of life and so that you can put distance between yourself and them
Great video. I have ADHD and can't help that i'm looking at other things while i talk to someone. I try my best to focus but during all conversations i feel stressed and so that makes me reluctant to talk to people in the first place. That adds to the problem, because then they sense that i don't want to get involved in conversations - but deep down i want to.
I also have adhd
@@Filthy_Furry_Sorrow Good to know, thanks. That gives me hope that i can improve my skills too :) You don't happen to cover conversation tips & tricks for ADHD persons, specifically? If not, maybe that would be a good topic for future videos as we are not alone with challenges like this.
Usually when it's like this and I notice I'm looking away and not engaging verbally I'll just be blunt and say "I know I'm saying much but I am listening"
Usually works.
I have ADHD as well and often lose focus on what others are saying. What works for me is to apologize and just straight up tell them that my mind is wondering and asks them to repeat what they're talking once more. Usually people would understand.
As someone with adhd that first one hurt lol
These things are so much harder and less obvious for we neurospicy people.
@@williamcrocker951neurospicy lol I like that
@@schm147
Not original to me, but yes it’s very good.
As someone with adhd all of these hurt lol
@@nathaniel2554 they shouldn't hurt, instead should be hints of how you can be better
Thank you for these tips. I am now extremely hated and everyone bullies me. Mission accomplished
For the first six, I was like “good, im none of these, I am a good per-“ and then the final one came. “OH GOD IM EXACTLY LIKE THAT-“
Props on being a good listener.
Good listeners are more likely than people who think that they know best to wind up actually knowing best.
Note that you are not allowed to refuse this compliment
Yeah, being humble is good but disrespecting yourself is bad. Ppl won't validate you if you don't validate something achieved by yourself. It's not about being selfish it's about building self love/value.
Lmao same
That's just your extreme anxiety speaking. But at least you don't go out of your way to be an asshole like the one in first six
As a person with no enemies, I now have many enemies.
The hardest part about these tips is that people will try to help you on not being completely unlikeable. Don't listen to them.
The "sigh" is the icing on the cake
I'm not naming any names, but akin to the "sigh" is the other person pulling out their phone, reading a bit, and then starting to type a text or email response to someone else while you're talking.
Eye rolling
No worries. People are different.
Conservative Americans, for example, prefer political candidates who are abysmal listeners
@SigFigNewton Abysmal listening skills seems to be a political requirement in general: pretend to know while ushering people into the unknown.
@@KH-rt3ef I believe that I live in a culture that raises people differently such that women who hold office are better listeners than the men who hold office.
Tell you the truth, none of these things really bother me like that, and I'm guilty of any one of these on any given day.
I am not peeved by people who do these things, I might be let down in the moment, but the moment is fleeting.
What I REALLY can't stand is...
Selfish people who essentially use you for material things and act fake to get something out of you, AND compulsive liars, guilt-trippers, and manipulators.
If they're staying in their lane, just being lame or lacking self-awareness sometimes, literally no hard feelings whatsoever. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, don't care, just don't be a lying cheat, don't be malicious, and don't be a manipulator, that's literally it.
Calibrate the moral compass regularly, that's all I ask.
Yeah maybe this video was more how to give good initial impressions to people and yours is more how to not be a terrible person
Thank you! I swear I do all of these things in the video but I’m trying ok 😭
I think use of such extremes as "no one will ever" forms a negative way of thinking. The very people that you critisize will never listen to your advice in the first place and people who want to be better, but struggle with negative self-image will be reassured that they will "never" get better.
I think this is fitting for allistic socialization- just not autistic socialization. If you are a fellow autistic person clicking on this hoping to learn more socialization that you can comfortably participate in- it unfortunately won't work.
it feels like allistics will hate me no matter what i do
@@washyourmouthoutwithpope1334 cuz most of em are narcissists who are incapable of empathy. Easy street breeds laziness
I'm neurodivergent and this is why I don't speak at all instead I just stare at people and smile and occasionally respond with something interesting lest I fuck it up by talking about myself by accident
Local ASD here, the staring at people or staring at something just behind them thing works really well until someone asks me for my thoughts on what they've talked about and then I realize I've just spent the conversation trying to look as normal as possible
Don't listen to this guy. This video is absurd and clearly doesn't even take existence of neurodivergent people in consideration.
I thought of one: give your unsolicited opinions to strangers. Like if someone is eating, tell them how bad that food is for their health. If someone is cleaning, tell them they missed a spot.
Bud into stanger's conversations with your own opinions and stories. (It will instantly make people wonder why you are there!)
Interrupting is a real bugbear for me. My parents always did this unapologetically and told me "it's called a conversation" but then I tried to do it and got talked over.
Wtf my parents say the exact same thing. It's nice to know I'm not alone lol
I beg to differ.
I have always experienced that arrogant, aggressive and overly assertive people seem to be the MOST respected!
People who show empathy and understanding are often seen as weak.
It shouldn't be, but it is
I agree. I've had a classmate in my filmmaking classes this year that has an overly extroverted personality and kept asking me way too many questions regarding why I chose the design of my birthday tattoo, like he was looking for a debate. And how respected is he ? He laughs and others laugh with him, he got a girlfriend in these same film classes after starting to talk in day one, etc.
It is what it is. More reserved people have another set of challenges, but we better not be shy nor morally wrong, or else, we're not worth anything.
They do tend to still have people directly respect them in-person. But I’ve noticed they’re always the kind of person everyone disrespects behind their back.
@@gregstunts347 Respect or fear?
@@John-qv5ux Fake respect.
i mean, my best friend do so much of this. always made this convo about her. everything was about what she wanted. she would trauma dump on others, but looking for comfort and venting was always a problem. she could never take responsibility for upsetting anyone, and would either blatantly ignore it or or literally say get over it. and did this to others, not just me. so idk
i mean, she was always in drama but people still fawned over her :/
I'm doing number 7 all the time and it works great!
(nobody's talking to me)
(me too)
(I'm literally worse at this than you)
@@normanclatcher SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM LITERALLY THE WORST AT THIS
no, you are a truely wunderful person
Pretending there isnt a problem is how they got here
Bruh i swear, that one coworker watched this thinking they were gonna make everyone love him
Everybody got that one guy, if you dont, that can only mean one thing
@@JohnSkaogood grief..
These are all on point. I used to fill in people's sentences, and I did realize that it only worsens the conversation. They must feel like there's no point in talking, since the other person seems to know what they're going to say anyway.
I've been recently making many of these mistakes with my girlfriend, despite knowing about them and despite not acting like that with anyone else.
When you get too comfortable with someone, you let loose of your social boundaries. I frequently notice that either of us (not just me) say something to each other that would never say to a friend. We allow ourselves to be rude with our loved one and that's just wrong.
Thank you for reminding me, so I can work on it before it's too late.
Regarding interrupting people: I find that very often people enjoy and/or appreciate when I finish their thoughts for them. The key is to do it in a way that shows you are so deeply interested and engaged with what they're saying that you're on the same wavelength to the point where you can actually finish their thought, rather than that you're just not allowing them to speak. And be sparing about how often you do it, lol.
You'll never be in someone's head this is pathetic. The fact that people aggree when you finish their sentences is just because of their lack confidence to tell you to shut the fuck up or that the conversation is over for them because you spent it all alone in your head trying to mimic someone you aren't. Have the miserable life you deserve.
I love how in the comments people are pointing out eye contact as a symptom of anxiety.
Hello I’m diagnosed with a social anxiety and with effort, it’s now possible for me to maintain undisrupted eye contact even with rude, menacing strangers.
It’s not diagnose that’s holding you back, it’s only you
These tips are all well and good if you are an allistic person, but autistic people like me will absoluley do #1 to ensure we dont forget something or clarify what the other person is saying. Also #2 because we will talk about ourselves in an attemptt to empathize with the other person (see double empathy problem), and #4 we will often appear to not be listening because making and maintaining eye contact makes us highly uncomfortable, in fact the less we look directly at you, the more we are typically listening. This list of dos and donts goes a long way to explain why many allistic people hate autistic people, because we essentially speak a different social language.
IMO aautism has brought me nothing but suffering because my social language is that of a caveman. That's why we need eugenics.
@@SaintCharlos Nope ! Neurodivergent peoples brought so much to our world, many scientists and inventors were born with ASD. And we are more concerned about facts leading to a wish for more ecologism. I'm late diagnosed so I understand that suffering is a plague because of a world governed by tacit neurotypical rules. Even if I'm fatalist I can't let them "win". Even if we have to be aggressive in some situations, I think I will be more hurt than the people in front of me. So don't be eugenic because I bet that an eugenic system will let us be as we are more valuable than we thought.
@@freestalkerdotfr6391 So what should I do...? My inability to understand social cues has cost me friends on the internet (and sometimes in real life when I was a kid)...
@@SaintCharlos I followed a group into a Psychiatric Hospital. I got into this hospital 3 times for anxiety, depression, somatic and DP/DR disorder FYI. There is a group for social remediation.Try to go to an ASD group near your town, I don't do it cause I don't feel like socialising with my ASD fellows. I live in France so as far as I know there is help around me. IDK where you live but search for ASD peoples in your region. You'll get good friends, and you will relate to them. Perhaps a psychologist will help you too. If you can't afford it, I'll understand. Think about the fact we are 8 billions on Earth, why wouldn't you find someone that has high moral values and understand you ?
@@SaintCharlos I followed a group into a Psychiatric Hospital. I got into this hospital 3 times for anxiety, depression, somatic and DP/DR disorder FYI. There is a group for social remediation.Try to go to an ASD group near your town, I don't do it cause I don't feel like socialising with my ASD fellows. I live in France so as far as I know there is help around me.
IDK where you live but search for ASD peoples in your region. You'll get good friends, and you will relate to them. Perhaps a psychologist will help you too. If you can't afford it, I'll understand.
Think about the fact we are 8 billions on Earth, why wouldn't you find someone that has high moral values and understand you ?
In fact I lost my first friend and that was horrible for me, nowadays I have the feeling that he wanted to be my friend again but he was in another high school, so I'll never know. The worst separation was due to a girl I loved in 2013, weirdly, and that was the begining of the worst nightmares. The dreamlike reality was very hard but I can kinda live with it. So I imagine what you are living.
Yeah, I had the eugenics thoughts but for Schizophrenia and others but I refuse to give it a try on us because I've ASD. Just accept yourself and move on. Even neurotypicals lost friends, for that, we're not the exception.
Going through life worrying about whether people like or respect you is a fool’s errand. Just be yourself. Along the way you’ll collect friends and enemies, that’s life, it’s not all about just making friends or impressing people, some people don’t actually care believe it or not.
the older i get, the less friends i have, and i'm genuinely happier this way.
Stop lying to yourself.
They’re a lot of drama, and they’re expensive.
I agree, I’d say one good friend is better than 10 not close friends.
@@sirisaac6225 an honest enemy is better than a false friend.
I've honestly been following almost all the advice you give on your channel in my 20s. Now in my mid 30s I feel like I've regressed and struggle doing any of this anymore. People though I was weird back then but everyone felt at ease around me. People would tell me the wildest secrets without me even asking. They could not comprehend my non reaction to what ever they said and they kept telling me more and more embarrassing or intimate things about them. One girl told me about her miscarriage in very graphic detail. Another told me about being raped as a teen. And one guy who had 2 kids and a wife told me how much he struggles keeping it together and not abandoning them. I was literally a therapist for the people around me. Someone who they could talk to about anything and not feel judged. But somewhere between changing jobs and the whole pandemic I regressed to my old pre 20s aimless self. I'm happy to slowly rediscover this version of me thanks to this channel.
Thank you for telling that. Sometimes we forget what value we have to others while devaluing ourselves :)
Get straight back to it sir! I'm sure you'll pick up all the good habits in no time.
People are complicated and so are human relationships. I used to do all these things in the past and had loads of friends and people loved me. I decided I should "become better" and gradually stopped doing all these things, now nobody respects me, and everyone considers me a wimp, a pushover, not assertive enough, too nice, loser, etc. Oversimplifying human psychology and thinking you can know how others will actually perceive you is a fool's errand.
Not complicated at all. You just dont want to accept the conclusion
@@ShayPatrickCormacTHEHUNTER 🤣🤣🤣
@@derrickf1533 you want a cookie now? Lol. How lame
@@ShayPatrickCormacTHEHUNTER 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@derrickf1533 lol
You forgot the last one:
Make sure to immediatly judge anyone who does any of these things and automatically assume the worst in them. Go into every conversation with a rigid set of rules that everybody has to follow strictly lest they be labeled as "rude" or "self-centered"
Number 7 is what I really do all too often. But the thing is, I really don't like getting presents, it makes me feel I owe something to people that gift me anything, it's an unpleasant feeling and I don't like it. It's not like I reject them to show humility, I just feel bad because of that.
Yea same. I do number 7 not cause i'm fishing for compliments, its the exact opposite. I can't stand getting compliments cause i always feel like they're trying to fuck me over somehow, happened too often as a kid
@@cantinadudesUgh, SAME. 😢
REAL I HATE GETTING PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SELFISH 💀
Thanks once again, sir. You've made me realise that I was doing the "self pity" thing. Time to change that.
Have a wonderful and beautiful day/night !
My fine sir, thank you again :)
same
I think I come off like this to others because I struggle with eye contact and having literally anything to talk about
You probably dont, but eye contact can be odd, it can be easier when the other person isnt always directly looking back at you, so you can take some baby steps in becoming more confident. Also, sitting in silence is underrated.
It's easier to talk to those with similar interests as you. If your interests are too niche, try looking for new interests.
Look just above their eyes or the forehead it will still look like your giving eye contact when you aren't
same I'm worried I'm socially lacking because I barely contribute to the conversation. >I also didn't do well in an interview-style assignment where I didn't talk enough. Plus when I try to contribute I sometimes accidentally talk over people and worry I looked rude- I can listen but I don't know how to identify when to talk or what to say. I'm trying to work on it 🥲
yeah eye contact just makes me focus on their face instead of what they're saying
This reminds me that I need to be more direct about cancelling my plans with friends
Same. I told my hairdresser my dad died that morning. Yes, I'm a horrible person
The vast majority of these can be correlated with common autism and adhd traits.
Yeah, that's really unfortunate.
Maybe so, but I don't know if we need to go around slapping an autism sticker on every person who does these.
@@Josh_Stuchbery or the "please be patient I have autism" cap 🧢
True. But that doesn't mean that neurodivergent people can't acknowledge the symptoms that come with being neurodivergent and try to mitigate those bad habits. Being neurodivergent doesn't give someone a free pass to be rude. And that's coming from someone who has ADHD.
@@Shield954 I agree, it seems that going off of a lot these comments that people seem to think that autism automatically bans you from being able to improve yourself when really it’s only a small number of people who find it practically impossible to do so
The real question is whether or not you like yourself. Other people's opinions are totally irrelevant.
Stalin and hitler reading this:
@@maxave7448 I have this strange feeling those two probably didn't *actually* like themselves much at all... partially because Hitler believed blonde, blue eyed people were superior, whilst having neither of those traits. Not exactly self confidence.
@@justarandomperson2786 Nobody capable of inflicting that much suffering likes themselves. You're right.
God, these are just my adhd and autism symptoms make it look like I'm doing. This is why people don't like me.
This is why I only make friends with other neurodivergent people, completely by accident as neurodivergent people aren't put off by me not understanding what emotions they are feeling or making eye contact or forgetting plans. Or relating things to me so I can understand them.
Glad you have friends ðat understand you 👍
8 - belittle other people for having social anxiety or poor social skills and talk down to them, assuming that their inability to live up to your standard is because they're arrogant and trying to seem better than you, instead of empathizing and trying to understand how and why they fail. Remember, everyone hates when you tell them what they're doing wrong without helping them to figure out why its wrong. It will go a long way towards making sure that person sees you as nothing more than an empty headed platitude repeater without any actual comprehension of actual empathy, only going through the motions out of social obligation.
Always remember, if you assume people are constantly trying to act better than you, it does show everyone else how your real motives are always competitive and hostile, rather than cooperative and compassionate.
I agree.
incredibly well said!
lmao great comment
I don't think he ''belittled'' someone, but, instead just listed things that are not cool, y'know
Right on man! I grew up in a religious cult and what would come out of these cultists mouths was insane, a waste of time and incredibly annoying. And I wanted these people to have nothing to do with me and never talk to me again. So, I used all these techniques, and it worked like a charm, GREAT VIDEO!
Nearly cried watching this
So thanks man, I needed this
I’m only 17 seconds in and I literally couldn’t stop myself from pausing and coming straight to the comments. Lord help me😩
If I can't tell you how insufferable I am, we're not talking.
a lot of these behaviors line up with symptoms from disorders such as cptsd, childhood abuse, adhd, or autism... 😢
excuses
@@bobojenkins5805whatever man
With the exception of #6 & #7, I do all of these things A LOT. Thank you for opening my eyes.
if you're offended by someone relating their own experience to yours, you need a big fat reality check written out in your name. thats sort of like one of the key features of socialisation and communication, and if you feel someone relating to you is a selfish affront to you and your experience, you are probably quite insular and self-important
askdlld
IDK. i thought people like relatability and not knowing that they are alone. i rlly thought this. like it was grounded in me since elementary school. but now i find out
no. ur talking about ur self. that's selfish. no, im letting them know they aren't alone. how am i supposed to do that without saying something cliche and meaningless. like "oh i know how u feel. i'm here for u".
bc i also thoguht. like how people say "im fine." and they might not mean it.
it doeest rlly have any weight. so idk
i thoguht it was being empathetic but i feel like im getting everything that was hard wired in my brain by OTHER PEOPLE completely wrong.
and im probably neurodivergent and they aren't so
what do i do 🥺
@@celestialbunny have you considered a lobotomy?
When you talk about yourself you’re seen as self centred and when you ask about other people, you’re seen as prying or nosy you can’t win
Two ADHD people very much can happily talk and climb all over eachers sentences and it's fine.
NDs and traumatized people usually respect when people are flaky knowing full well sometimes you just don't have the spoons, instead of acting like everything is a job or school or prison or something. It's not that it feels great but drilling down on people for being flakey will sure as hell feel worse for everyone involved.
I'm happy to let someone only talk about themselves if they're info-dumping about a special interest or something they're enthusiastic about. Often times just letting someone talk about themselves then when they finish you can take a turn and do the same thing, it's an act of affection to just share cool shit back and forth.
Everyone has different boundaries and you should just learn individual boundaries instead
I don't think talking about a special interest counts as talking about yourself in fact i think it's the exact opposite
Lol be my friend pls
That last one explains why some people say social anxiety and narcissism are the same thing.
This is an interesting thought. I could see the connection from my own experience with social anxiety and now I’m wondering if there are studies on the similarities between the two.
This walks a very fine line between calling people out and belittling and attacking people for traits that are not inherently bad
boohoo
@@bobojenkins5805GOD DAMNIT BOBO!!! YOU SECOND HANDEDLY HURT MY FEELINGS!!!
Thank you do much! I'm now hated by every human in my high school, this changed my life! 10/10!
Thanks for the tips, will gladly make sure this is ensured so I can never have a chance at happiness and will have a better chance at dying alone. 🥰
That was brilliant. A family member used to tell me: " Shall we tell you to do the opposite in order for you to do it?" Weirdly enough, this video shows in a quite humorous way that it actually works!
0:54 very good point *however* its important to note that oftentimes autistic people specifically arent talking about themselves out of self centeredness, but rather thats how they relate to others. Basically, a conversation with an autistic individual is sharing similar experiences at each other and learning more about each other without all the indirect communication mumbo jumbo, rather getting to the meat of the issue. Not saying this to correct you, but rather because while *i* may be in a good mental space nowadays, i know that early on in life it can be hard and some people might misinterperet this as them not being likeable - rather than them not socializing with the right people
literally most of these were autistic traits. neurotypicals just fucking hate us no matter what
The fact that OP is specifically responding only to direct praise of himself and totally ignoring any and all comments regarding this particular topic proves without a shadow of a doubt that OP is a narcissist and doesn't give a single fuck about the struggles of autistic, ADD, depressed or socially anxious people feel. To him, they are difficulties that do not follow his preferred script. He hates you and doesn't respect you simply because of who you are.
He is a bad person, don't worry about what he thinks.
ADHD people also interrupt people a lot because of Unbidden Related Thought that came up and they want to share. It's not even about filling in someone else's thoughts, it's about sharing yours. Bad part is forgetting where you started, really
@@Nictator42 Really? Even when we are unable to follow basic social cues?
@@Nictator42ok redditor, that’s so cool.
It's extremely common to see artists on social media do #7. So many bios say "just a crappy artist" or something similar, or they're constantly venting on Discord about how much they suck. As an artist myself, I had to train myself not to say bad things about my own art, regardless of how I really felt about it. It just makes people uncomfortable, and if they constantly have to reassure you that your art is good, actually, they get tired of it and decide you're a lost cause
its not bad to talk about yourself as long as it isnt the only thing you talk about as an example i really do need to work on myself as i unfortunately exhibit alot of these behaviors
I scored 7/7 😀
( joke btw: I think :] )
Thank you, I will become the ultimate social recluse with these tips ❤
A small note on #5, emotions cannot be controlled so easily, but actions can. You may not be able to convince someone to stop being mad, but you can make them stop yelling.
This kind of fucked me up because I've always done all of this, and it makes since why people hate me now.
I don't really do any of these things, except 7. More specifically, denying my successes and compliments. However, I don't feel like I shouldn't, people everywhere around me achieve far greater things and my achievements are small and unworthy of recognition.
You just described my entire existence - no wonder everyone actually hates me lol
you just practised step 2, and 7. making sure it's about yourself and making sure you put yourself down in one sentence, you're a natural!
And you responded with 4 and 5! Great job everyone!
Me: pretty much does none of the things mentioned in the video
Also me: has pretty much no friends
fuck my life bro
@@maxave7448 Same, and people that practice the things in this video have many friends.
@@graphicremoved2539 I really wonder how the person above you even got almost the same number of likes as the main comment 💀
Also, make sure that you are never on time. Make it your rule so anyone who knows you already assume you will be late, but be even more late. Never respect anyone’s time because your time is more valuable.
I try to be the kindest person I know how to be and sometimes it’s still not enough for some people. If you like that is great!👍 if you don’t like me, cest la vie! It doesn’t make any difference in my life.💁🏼♂️
It's so much easier for me to talk about myself though,
I don't know what to ask about the other person to get to know them, how to appropriately react and which words to pick to respond if they share about themselves.
If I talk about my experience, I already know how I feel about it and they're the ones who would be responding to it.
Also I don't know how to communicate effectively so I don't talk in paragraphs. I really need to learn ;-;
Most of things are something that you can end up doing as someone on the autism spectrum, which explains a lot sadly :(
In many cases all you have to do is tell the truth and the hate will flow.
Following the steps religiously, good news friends, I've done it! 🎉🎉🎉
No need to watch this video, people already hate me 🥰✨🌈
Other than flaking and self depreciation, I rarely see these.
Pay attention….
You’ve probably become so used to this behaviour that you rarely notice it.
It’s the norm for so many around us.
Now he has pointed all these out, you might start to hear it more and more.
Once you see it, you can never unsee it….😀😀
@@monk3yboy69 projection :
The first one is difficult because my parents are the slowest talkers I have ever met and also whenever 2 people are having a conversation and I want to join, I can never find a hesitation long enough to join it.
This video not only made me aware of possible improvements, but also made me realize that I actually do have some likeable characteristics.
No. 7. Gosh! But I didn't do it in the hopes of being pitted. However, I did it in every way he explained. Time to change. Damn!
Most of these things are total bullshit. Plenty of people do most (or all) of these things and still have people like and respect them. Also, perhaps inadvertently, this list is basically a character breakdown of many (a lot) of people with high functioning autism. Are we to believe that "No One" will like or respect anyone with autism? It seems to me that this is a pretty lazy list of rather obvious traits that most people (including autistic ones) would find annoying. But would they "Ensure No One Likes or Respects You"? Hell no! Making CZcams clickbait on the other hand...
It doesn’t matter if they do or don’t, but if they do stay if they don’t just go away
i was 19 years old when I discovered I checked every box here. My parents are the same way so I thought it was just how things are. There is hope though guys. It's rough to be vunlerable and change with those who have seen you be the same way for so long but it's so rewarding.
Maybe this person isn't well liked but they should still be respected
Such a genuine guy been subscribed for a few weeks now and just fully rate your content and fully rate you as a person
No words can express my gratitude. Thank you :)
genuinely convinced someone i used to know irl took this advice literally
I have been doing that my entire life, and I can indeed confirm that it does work.
I have a habit of saving good self improvement videos in a playlist named "Great Videos" to come and watch them again which includes videos from various channels. But for your channel, I should create a specific one only for your videos that I've watched to rewatch it again in future!
Dude, this is awesome. I appreciate you :)
@@NewelOfKnowledge Thanks :D
I have adhd and I sometimes impulsively finish people's sentences. Usually happens when a person Is speaking too slowly because in my head I'm already ahead and it can get frustrating to wait for them to finish. I try to keep myself from doing that but sometimes it happens uncontrollably
The last one and partially the second - where I'm making every topic to somehow revolve around me, is so true. But that's what I am. Everyone has their flaws, and I'm no exemption.
This is so true.
The people I dislike are exactly those that have these features. Also, people that lie over and over.
Haha I enjoy the comedic take on this.
I have made these mistakes in the past and some of them recently.
In the past month or so I have been taking piano lessons and at my last lesson my teacher complemented me for how much I have improved. She seemed genuinely impressed, and I didnt thank her for her compliment. I actually felt bad after because I realized it might not feel like I appreciated what she said to me. So for now on I want to be more aware when I'm at my piano lessons with my teacher, and elswhere in life. Its a bad habit I picked up over the years and I want to change that.
I don't know why youtube keeps recommending your videos but it's honestly a blessing. Like many others I haven't realised that i did some of these, one or two I already knew i was doing and tried to do them better like accepting compliments and such instead of constantly downplaying myself expecting pity. I want to implement all of these teachings (in the correct way of course) in my life as much as possible but I know it's hard to always be level minded and keep calm. Is there any way to get better at these without constantly worrying youre doing something wrong or constantly double or triple checking your thoughts and actions? I usually overthink most things so it not so rarely leads to me not talking at all or just shutting off completely.
Thank you for sharing this, I appreciate you brother. Your question: you need practice. Social techniques won't feel natural at the beginning, so practice practice practice until they become second nature. All the best!
@@NewelOfKnowledge Okay, I will give it my best, thank you brother.
Seeking validation for others and seeking pitiness from others is also my problem, if I accept those compliments, I think that they're just mocking me and they'll think I highly think of myself
Man, the fact that some people unironically have these mindsets is crazy.