Guarding Your Heart in Marriage
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- čas přidán 13. 07. 2022
- The bible tells us to guard our hearts right? Well, how often have you thought about how to apply the principle to your marriage relationship? There’s temptations everywhere. From ex’s, to co-workers, to pornography, even bitterness and entitlement can harden your heart towards your spouse. Let’s chat about how to keep our hearts soft towards God and each other.
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www.withtheperrys.com www.jackiehillperry.com
www.preston-perry.com
I once changed my Barber because the way he would speak about cheating on his girlfriend and going out to clubs and everything else. I had to stop getting my hair cut by him because I didn’t like the mindset I would leave with when I was done. Finding a good Barber is hard finding a good influence is even harder
Solid words my brother if more men would take that approach then they would fall into less temptations.
I did this just cause of how he would talk about women in general. I was more so careful about who put their hand on my head.
Yes, it's important to be aware of people that put their hands on you, especially in areas of the laying on of hands during prayer.
I had to do the same for my son. Did not want him growing up around this type of mentality
This!!!
“There’s a difference between your wife wounding you, and your wife triggering wounds that you’ve never dealt with.” - Preston Perry
I ain’t even married yet, but that made me say “Amen” and “Ouch.”
Profound and anointed.
Thissssssss!
@chris but why you not married tho? Ha What’s good! I’m 12 years down and 4 kids deep ikr? but I’m saying …what if marriage is the place when everything that you been putting before that decision is granted..
🔥
Amen.
“Don’t fall in love with someone who does not love Jesus!” Thank you Preston
This blessed me.
Amen
Amen sister in Christ
Amen.
I fell in love with and married someone who no one could have told me anything other than she “loved Jesus.” She did me worse than any other woman other than the woman before her that I could have sworn loved Jesus.
Amen
Bottom line: human relationships are ridiculously complicated.
Jesus come get us 😭
I feel you..Im laughing.
This is so true. In hindsight Christ died in order to mend our relationship with God the father.
The thought of how relationships are hard with our fellow beings, should point us to the cross.
So true!!!😄😄
Gold 🤣
😂
“He may not be romantic but he’s responsible” I liked that I never thought about that in that’s way
That's a whole word!!!
Right!!! Just yesterday I was telling my husband just how unromantic he is, yet I've heard from my family and friends just how fortunate I am to have a husband that is so responsible.
My goodness, Holy Spirit is calling me to order at this point because he's currently sleeping and I'm mad at him for something else 🥺
Let me go cuddle with my man 🫣😅😊🩷
Yeah, yet the flip side of that, WE are paying bills...
Disappointment without healing (thyself) and/or communication and/or therapy.
Why can’t he be both?
It's so weird how Jackie articulated PERFECTLY how I felt about adultery. I always felt like adultery was so juvenile especially on the basis of "my feelings are hurt". It's like a tantrum.
I think when you get married there should be an understanding that the marriage is between God and the TWO! No excuse..deal with those wounds and weakness!
Exactly its a little man or women that's getting in their feeling because they didn't get what they want.
I think in some cases that's certainly true. However in some cases that hurt is also tied to an unsafe feeling/ memory. Not condoning. Just saying sometimes it's a tantrum, but sometimes you are running for your life and as you're looking back over your shoulder you run into that trap the enemy say on the corner for you. Regardless of what it is my God can get you to an honorable place.
@FG but God sees our sin the same, our reasons just as petty. I think some self righteousness comes in when we think our reasons for sin are more reasonable than other people's reason for sin. We tend to use a different measuring stick for our own sins and reasons for sins than the measuring stick we use on the sins that others commit to our hurt.
@@lbee8247 oh I never said anything alluding to this sin being somehow worse than others I just simply said this is how I felt about it. Of course sin is sin and wrong is wrong but breaking a spiritual and legal vow you made to God and your spouse because they hurt your feelings is still childish to me. Again not saying it's a worse sin. All sin is the same
The part about women withdrawing emotionally was incredibly insightful
Yeah very interesting. Thanks for sharing Jackie
Yes! Very ❤
I’m married & do this whenever my husband wrongs me…..I know I really need to stop
YES!
And very true lol
The fact that Preston called the devil a lame is hilarious. We already know the devil is a master manipulator but whenever you guys talk about him, it's always how we refer to a deadbeat dad or a trash friends or a narcissist. You put it in a relatable form and I love it.
That made me laugh too😂
I love his BOLDNESS.
MY GOD THIS CONVO😭 Jackie: the way we treat our spouses are reflections on how our relationship is with GOD...so deep and true! I'm a believer and my husband is not and sometimes the way he treats me is like 💨 another story. Moral of the story! 🚨TAKE HEED SAINTS DO NOT MARRY ANYONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE JESUS 🚨🙏🏾
Truth! Learnt that the hard way...
Praying for you and your marriage🙏🏾. God can do ANYTHING!!
Yup same … but I met him when I was in the world …
@@ae7091 Amen
@tamika Love
I am saved and my husband is not. On top of that my husband was raised as an only child and on top of that he doesn't feel remorse, is grandiose in all that he believes of himself, never sees anything wrong in himself, lacks empathy and everything he does is for show. We have been married for over 25 + years. God saved me in our first year of marriage. But I can say God has filled my heart with the love of Christ for him. And continues to. I am surrounded with healthy, godly relationships. We have raised amazing, now adult, children. I stayed on my knees praying and I still pray. I messed up a lot. I left a lot in the beginning, even after being saved. But I would never leave now. My joy is in Christ. And I have more than I deserve. My husband has been a blessing inspite of himself. I pray you can have the love of Christ. The forgiveness of Christ. My children don't have to be split between us on holidays. We show up together in all their needs and events. My husband was a good father. He had issues but he was present and God used his grandiose personality to bless the children. We stayed together and we are building a legacy. Divorce hurts the whole world and the whole world is better when we choose loving others more just like Jesus instead of being self focused like the world. It is hard but being conformed to the image of Christ is a painful process that leads to real joy.
I love y’all’s discussions because it’s like y’all are discovering revelations AS y’all are talking. Which makes it feel authentic, like y’all leaving room for the spirit to speak through you and not sticking to a planned discussion. Love y’all so much.
It’s true. We have a sense of the general ideas we may or may not discuss but we go into it really open to how it’ll all play out. - Jacke
This is the comment!!
I love how you look at your husband. You have so much respect for him…for each other. I love it. Congratulations on being an example to other couples.
"I can't guard myself and love you at the same time." And that whole part about how women withdraw!! 🔥🔥🔥
Okay!!!!
O
Whew it was heavy.
A whole word
This was sooo true and sound
Been married for 28 yrs this April but we are stuck in a bad place. A lot of what you talked about regarding triggers, hurt, develope a reverence with God, withdrawing from your spouse 🤦🏾, choosing friends (family) who don't add gas to the fire but water it out was soooooo spot on. Wow. I could identify with everything. Thank you for articulating these issues out loud in this platform. Now I pray. I know it starts with me.
Praying for you. The devil wants to see your marriage destroyed...pray as you learn, the Holy Spirit will help you to implement the changes on your own attitude and action that will change the atmosphere. Not easy.
Praying you and your spouse take this lesson & do the work together. Also pray yall get a support system of friends that can help guide & give strength where it's needed 🙏
Good convo!! Married 22 years and counting! I approve this message!!👍🏿👏🏿🙏🏿
I’m not married but I feel blessed by this 🙌🏾🙌🏾 “Don’t fall in love with someone who isn’t in love with Jesus” amen 🙏🏾
Why is adultry always assumed that "the mistress" does what the wife doesn't? I think that is too easy a cop out (sometimes). Sometimes the wife could be doing ALL she can to "fulfill" her her husband but WE (the husband) are so selfish we want more. I am speaking to pornography as well as adultry.
***Love what you guys are doing - keep it up please***
Yes! Most cheaters are just awful people who have no character.
I agree with you.
Well no wife is perfect so there will be someone who may be better than you in some areas. You may be patient, she may be more patient. Just one example . Still no excuse to cheat. God does not excuse cheating even on a bad spouse
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Right. Most wives arent lacking anything, like u said a lot of the men want more.
That part about stirring our affections for God is SO real. Reading the book of Revelation and gaining a deeper understanding of how our Warrior King Jesus pursues us, literally made me want to love my wife better. I want to better resemble Christ to her because in doing that I am making her safe (protected), seen, cared for, pursued and loved.
I’m experiencing pain in my marriage, my spouse seems to be assigned to operate for the God thats against me & I hold my peace & stay praying, I guard my heart day in & day out & I’m growing tired & declaring for Intercessor’s to pray with me for the hands of the Lord to fight against whats fighting against me & bind off all entities & principality’s thats attacking my marriage in Jesus name 🙏🏾
Recommend that you start praying for your husband...Try Stormie O Martian' s Power of a Prsying Wife
I'm too in this same battle . 😢
My heart is with you. What did you mean by “my spouse seems to be assigned to operate for the God that’s against me?” Only say what you’re comfortable with and feel led to share. I asked so I know how to pray with you.
As someone who is about to be a newlywed, their videos have really challenged my perspective on marriage and my relationship with God.
Changed to what area? Making u rethink marriage?
You are blessed to have nuggets like this to lean on...TRUST ME!! Keep close to God and take all this in and guard your mind and protect your spouse-to-be and your marriage.
As a young single woman, all I want to say is thank you. Your conversations are liberating and so insightful. Thank you for walking in purpose and the truth of Jesus Christ.
Amen
This a hit 🎯,This what I was trying to say but it came out in rage ,Lord help me to good to my Boaz
I love how you both show honor to each other as you disagree. There is a naturalness, but it's more. It's love in action. It's a decision beforehand in motion. Glory to God!
I love the balance of how Preston called out men's behaviour and Jackie did equally with women. That was a healthy conversation.
She didn't
@@Gintoki_Madao she did multiple times.
Soon as Preston said guarding your heart means not putting yourself in a position to choose sin over righteousness i got out my notebook. The wisdom 💡
When she said a woman will remove her energy and place it into something else like her job. I’ve caught myself doing this and will put extra energy into my kids.
Same 🥴🥴🥴
Are y'all gonna write a book together? Asking for the people, this was so enriching. My pastor has always said my wife is the benefactor of my relationship, love and commitment to God.
Love the part about friends and their role in helping you guard your heart. I'm definitely guilty of joining the criticism of a friend's spouse when they complained. Lord forgive me. I will be more mindful to lead them in prayer rather than giving them debate pointers. 😂
Jackie is spot on about withdrawing emotionally. It is difficult to love your spouse because you are emotionally checked out. Spot on Jackie, I couldn't articulate better what you just explained.
💯💯💯💯
Such a rich discussion on so many levels!... Definitely a reminder that marriage (like our walk with The Lord) is a process that requires DAILY dedication and work. Like Preston/Jackie mentioned, "the grass is never greener on the other side"... rather, the grass will be greener where you water it! 🙂 Also loved the point about surrounding yourself with solid people who can encourage and help hold you accountable... this is something we've really seen the importance of in our marriage (and personal lives)... it makes such a huge difference.
Thanks again for another great episode, fam! 🙌🏾
God is providing His children with tools and resources to reference before and during marriage. God is such a good father and it’s truly an honor to know better, before evening doing. This content is priceless Perry’s.
Getting married in less than a week, and I’ve struggled with lust issues in the past. But as I’m getting closer to my wedding I’m taking the fight head on full force because I refuse to let those issues follow me into God’s covenant. This video is very encouraging and Very! Very! Helpful🙏🏽y’all pray for me
Praying for you and your spouse! Praying that God will continue to strengthen you in your relationship! Congratulations!!!
I hope there’s an update of victory for you!! And if you could let us know how to pray if this area has still been a stumbling block
@@christianmari87 Hey so update! So since getting married, God has opened a new world for me and my wife to experience the beauty and ecstasy of marriage. It’s truly amazing ✝️💜In regard to my lust struggles, I was clean from lust issues about 4 months in, then I let my gaurd down a couple times and got hit with every temptation you could think of (it was quite the spiritual attack). I fell short once and from that point on, the gap got smaller and smaller. From months apart it turned into weeks..etc..
I willingly opened that door again and I definitely wish I hadn’t. But I always find myself getting back up and praise God I have a loving and supporting wife who keeps it real with me but also shows me grace as I navigate and learn through this journey.
So yes, still a prayer request i can definitely use more self-control with my eyes.
@@knelson2019 Thank you ! God has definitely strengthened me and my wife in our relationship. I’ve seen both of us grow in ways like never before and it’s a real beautiful thing🙏🏽
@@Babyboy_Matt praise God!!!! 🙌🏽 🏃🏽♀️
He is Good! This just made me so happy to hear! Pray for me and my husband, as we are almost 6 years in and the enemy is trying to entrap with lust as a coping mechanism for things experienced with family, church hurt, job loss, etc. We are physically separated but emotionally still together and want to come back, but there are things to work on for both sides. There is a calling to ministry and I want to see it come to fruition
I’m half way in and I’m ready to cry, thank you Father for correction and showing me ways to get myself better. Thank you Perry fam for this ministry because it helps ❤
It took me 11 years in my relationship and maturing from an 18 year crazy girl to a now almost 29 year old WOMAN to really understand, digest and accept allllll of this and what God wants and designed marriage to be .
Ditto!
"The heart is above all things deceitful and desperately wicked who can know it".(Jeremiah 17:9). We must all guard our hearts ❣️
I love the community that you guys keep with each other - the friendship that you hold within your marriage is evident in this video and it’s beautiful!
THIS!! 🤍 they give me u gotta feed my mind vibee loveee 😭 LOVEE IT SO MUCH!! An example of when God is in the middle…
@@miiotv Yes Lord!
This topic deserves more than 30 minutes. So good, Perrys.
You guys are a beautiful wise, smart, intelligent, intellectuals and great loves of our Heavenly Father!! Thank you guys for your faithfulness and these wonderful conversations! ❤
Also women will put their energy to the kids more when they close off to protect themselves from rejection
No lie Preston and Jackie are some real ones! I'm so happy God showed me these 2 individuals they are so honest and transparent which is very needed nowadays!
I JUST preached on guarding your heart out of Proverbs 4:23 last Sunday. Wild. Timely. Loved this!
Amen Jazzi
Amen Jazzi
So did I!!!! 😀
@@erikataylor5286 GET IT!!! 😍
I think we talk a lot about infidelity in men but it happens in women as well. The unaddressed trauma that a woman has experienced from her father from molestation to neglect can present itself as promiscuity and/or porn addiction too in the hopes of receiving the love or intimacy she never felt she received. Society has made it cool to entertain uncommitted sex but it's really a bandage to receive intimacy without the possible pain of rejection. At the root of it all, I believe guarding our hearts is transforming the mind to see ourselves as Jesus sees us, worthy and valuable of Godly love.
🙌🏾🙌🏾 y'all preached in this session. In our marriage, we're trying to unlearn some things, going back to our past and dealing with those things that really hurt us and ultimately made us into a person we don't want to be.
I agree with you that submitting is really hard cause sometimes I see it as you wanting to be in control, and I'll shut down. So dealing with that.
But also men/husband do at times take their wives submitting to them to mean, you have to do what I say at all times even if it's wrong. Forgetting that the woman is also human, an individual, she has her goals or things she wants to do for herself.
Unlearning the way we show love, as sometimes we can be insensitive, and don't regard each other's feelings and how we want to be loved.
If the man loves, submission will come naturally i believe
I can no longer sit and watch any of their content without my pen and notepad on deck !!
Thank you Jackie & Preston for sharing, and thank you Holy Spirit for speaking to my heart 🙏🏾
I love the conversation about guarding our hearts. For me because I love God I guard the heart of God. Because I guard Gods heart I equally guard the heart of my spouse. I constantly consider if certain actions would break the heart of my spouse. If certain actions would break my spouse I would turn the other way….and I never ever want to damage the heart of my spouse. So In essence breaking the heart of my spouse is breaking the heart of God. I’ve been married 43 years and we dated 8 years prior to that.
I ain't even married but I just love how yall interact and these deep conversations are just life!! Ty you so much for your dedication and obedience to the Lord it's much appreciated
Jackie and I act the same when watching movies then. I pause movies just to analyze a situation and it becomes a sermon 😆 I always see beyond every movie I watch, even cartoons. There's always a real-life lesson I take from them.
This was sooo good! I was married for 13 years and divorced for 14 years. I’ve been having the urge to marry again, but have the fear of it being a repeat of the first. As I let God lead me into a healthy second marriage, He is showing me my “blind spots” so that I won’t repeat those things in the next marriage. Your video is so insightful and encouraging. Though no marriage is perfect, I love how you allow God to work through the imperfections that exist within each of you, to create perfect and pure love through Christ Jesus! Please keep the videos coming❤️
seems like every episode is about something I talk to my husband or mom about weekly so I know the Holy Spirit is moving & renewing the minds of God’s people. y’all are the best at simplifying complex conversations, may God keep covering your family ♥️
Guarding your heart = Self control - a fruit of the Holy Spirit
Amen! Shout out to my bill paying, loving me like Christ, husband of 21years!!!!
Guarding your heart means guarding literally all of your "gates" - because our gates control how our heart (mind) processes things. We have to guard our eyes, ears, etc and learn how to discern what's HIS truth and what isn't.
Lord, knows I needed this today. I'm a woman married in holy matrimony and got a comment from a married man that made me think and stay away from him. Lord, help us to honor You first above all and in all things for Christ' sake. Amen
First time I'm watching you guys. Never seen such an exchange of energy and/ or words between two people before... I will definitely try to find That Kind of Communication from now on. Meaning I'll start working on me getting on that level.
I am snapping my finger the whole time feeling this conversation 100%! Amen! May God keep us holy and blameless until the coming of Jesus Christ!
This is so so needed like on repeat type , also for me at my age my friends are limited and married friends are even fewer . You all for me right now are my example i’m submerging myself in my bible and also coming to this channel with ppl who resemble me and also who are living out the words of God in Christ in a true, honest, realistic and healthy way . Thank y’all
Jackie cut him off at 27:40.
Sis can you wait!?? What he was saying at that very moment was critical.
This was highly encouraging. 💜Making the effort to see the good in your partner is also away to guard your heart.
Definitely I have learned to look at the good in my husband and not focus on bad and it works out well
@@judythomas6320 wow ,💯💯❤
I definitely will pause a show to share a quick sermon! And Preston hit on something, I noticed whenever the enemy is attacking our marriage really hard, I seem to get so much more attention from men wanting to soothe the things I'm currently upset about in that season. I'm grateful for the holy spirit for the discernment to see when the enemy is trying to deceive me!
Everything about this is wholesome!!! Keep doing what you're doing Perry's much love!!!!
So, so good!! - There’s a Difference between your spouse wounding you and your spouse triggering wounds you never dealt with before! It’s such a blessing to hear two people articulate and gifted with words have these insightful Christ-centered conversations.
“I can’t guard myself and love you at the same time” -Jackie 🤯
I cheated cause of hurt, BUT I can say that I didn’t know any better BECAUSE I didn’t love myself. Loving yourself and loving somebody else is different when you don’t love yourself. I thank God for my husband and his obedience to God First.
You guys are fighting the good fight. You're young, intelligent, energetically willing to do what thus saith the Lord. You guys could be doing anything else but you've chosen to educate folks by using you've gifts and talents. Amen 🔥 🔥 🔥 keep fighting
I'm not married, heck I'm completely single but I'm so glad I didn't skip out on this! Such truth and Wisdom. Thank you sir and ma'am!
Guarding your heart is self awareness 🙏🏿🙌🏿 well said.
“Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true you’re a pal and a confidant. “ - Golden Girls
“You’ve got a friend in me” - Toy Story…
I’m probably a lil late… both good songs…. Great insight, thank you for sharing this wisdom.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 Jackie hit it out the park with the fragility and analysis on weakness!!!
#Facts
JACCCKKIIIE. "Whose gonna clear the roses off the bed?" 🤣💀
Ps just on time podcast from yall love it
My God!! What you said about being sexually abused and the connection to being unsubmissive…..wow!!!! THIS 1 nugget…geesh! Amen and selah🙌🏾
Great messages here. They are talking about what we call post associative trauma. This is huge in the Black community.
It’s a blessing I found this channel ❤
Thank you guys. I just recently watched the Jakes, "Winning at home" and I must say that married couples need more transparency like this. We need godly wisdom in this age. For those of us that had previous trauma like molestation, growing up with addicted parents, poverty etc. it can be hard to discern the proper way to handle a spouse in communication. This helped tremendously. I subscribed in hopes that you guys do this often.
“There’s always something good, that covetousness will keep you from seeing.” Preach!
I'm not married, not quite sure if I'll ever be married, but if circumstances change, this video/podcast will be so beneficial. Beautiful conversation!
This was really good and gave me a lot of insight about how to guard my heart in my marriage. I specifically like the topic on friendships. I remember having a friend who talked about her boyfriend cheating so much that I would start to feel suspicious of my husband and he didn't even do anything. I would ask questions trying to "find out" what he could possibly be doing and he would of course get irritated with me. Now there was no peace in my home as a result of somebody else planting seeds of doubt in my mind. Thank you for sharing! Very helpful.
I think the weakness of stepping outside the marriage can go both ways, it can be a boo boo on women as well for the same reasons that was given for men. I love hearing you two talk.
I am really thankful for this episode, I experienced emotional infidelity before my spouse and I got married. This was iniated by me and the process was so bitter sweet. I am really happy that this transpired before we proceeded to tie the knot because it brought alot to our attention that we both never really discussed about our own insecuritiesand past traumas. All the points spoken about in this episode was heaven sent and facts straight from the mouth piece of God. Thank you so much Jackie and Preston!!!! This is so good.
I know I'm late but PRESTON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW!!! My husband disappointed me last year and it's triggered me too the point that I'm constantly questioning him and accusing him of things. I didn't realized that I didn't heal from the past of my father. I need to confront my past because it's hurting me and my marriage.
I literally do this- pause whatever I'm watching or am reading- to say a mini-sermon about what I'm witnessing.
This is amazing. I vote a full series on biblical marriage.
Loving this series!
Such a good conversation!
This is a whole Word! 🙌🏾🤍 Thank you for this, fam! 🙏🏾
Yes! Social media has a huge impact on people lives. Yes this message was great. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I’m so grateful for both of your lives♥️!
Beautiful conversation!
Absolutely loved this !
This was so good, thank you guys
I was so blessed listening to this.
Wow this really ministered to me as a single woman praying for a godly marriage. Love the depth/ intellect and space to counter thoughts and the basis be relationship with God
This was articulated so well! Thank you both for these conversations.
amazing chat
This was so good! My God! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
“Thank you for bein a friend!” - Golden Girls theme song 😂 That being said, I love you for quoting C.S. Lewis! I am so glad I found your channel. I’m Catholic, and I support your ministry. I think God led me to your channel to help me personally on my own journey to be closer to Christ, but also possibly to help me reach a loved one for whom I’ve prayed because she is struggling with her faith. God bless you and keep up the good work!
This is so rich ! Thank you!
Great conversation!
Great conversation 💜💜 Thank you
Such a great episode!
So real and relatable. Thank you
So many gems in this. 🙌🏽
This was very helpful. Thank y’all!
This was so good y’all ❤