A Productivity Expert’s Advice for Finding Love Faster
Vložit
- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- ►► Discover the 4 Secrets for Escaping Casual Dating Traps.
Claim Your FREE PASS for My Dating With Results Training at. . .
→ www.DatingWithResults.com
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my CZcams channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
►► Pre-Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → www.LoveLifeBook.com
►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → www.DatingWithResults.com
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
▼ Connect with Ali Abdaal ▼
Start Reading Feel Good Productivity Now → www.feelgoodproductivity.com
Blog → aliabdaal.com
CZcams → / @aliabdaal
Instagram → / aliabdaal
TikTok → AliAbdaal
I've never understood the whole 'if I ask my partner to do this loving action for me and they do it, then it loses its sincerity...' Like yes, we may wish for that love expression to be spontaneous and bursting forth from a love wellspring... BUT it's even more beautiful, I think, when that action comes unnaturally to someone and they do it anyway to make you happy. That IS expressing real love. (Even if it means they have to remember to deliberarely give you a hug, or write you a note, etc.)
Unfortunately I know too many people who actually DO regret having children. Doesn’t mean they don’t love them, but after experiencing parenthood they realized they probably would’ve done things differently. That’s my personal fear
Finally! I’ve had the same feedback from some couples I know…the curious thing is none of them plainly admit they miss their old life more than they enjoy this new chapter but you can clearly tell from the way the often complain about the things they can’t do, the relationship with their partner having dramatically changed, the unconditional love you have to be willing to give knowing you could possibly get nothing in return once they’re gonna grow up. Not saying everybody reacts like that but we also know that because of the society no one would ever admit they don’t like being parents otherwise they’d be pointed out as selfish monsters…of course I know people who like it but you can’t tell me that everybody likes being a parent
I feel like it's soooo controversial to say this, so most people are just afraid to say it out loud. I was also pretty shocked that he never met anyone who actually regrets it. Again, as you mentione, regret doesn't equal no love. I met plenty of people that do. Maybe people just wint open up for him in that way. I don't know.
The thing is, even when there is love, even when there's best intentions, but the parents regret it, wish they'd chosen differently - children pick up on that and it's damaging, it can screw up a life. I'm speaking from personal experience. So do be conscious about why you want kids and what their impact on your lifestyle and life challenges will be. Baby-sit for some of your friends when they go on vacation. Kids aren't easy, and you really have to be ready for the sacrifices and drain. If it's for you, it's totally worth it, but if not...kids need to feel wanted, they need to feel like they may be a pain in the neck at times but not, never ever, regretted.
Ali is such a lovely blend of being wildly intentional and frank about it but somehow not seeming overly intense.
he is quite authentic
1:28:03 😊9@@adamek9750
I recently heard about accepting regrets and how that could be useful. In the kid v no kids debate I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having kids. I can live with that regret
Really loved the beginning part where Matt talked about his wedding and how being married feels now and then Ali discussing the proposal process for his current girlfriend and how it was more fulfilling on average for people to be married and have families and he was striving for that ultimate happiness in life.
Valuable advice! 👌 I follow you both, and I'm glad we have another chance to listen to your great minds. Such an enjoyable conversation, full of life-changing insights!
Wow Ali is anywhere. I have just watched him from Mark Manson channel and now Ali is here. Thank you Matthew for having him. ☕🍹
Promoting his book is like that
Everywhere
everywhere *
Yes everywhere 😂
Two of my favorite CZcamsrs! Great discussion. I appreciated Matthew's clarifying the advice to "lower the bar" - it's more like keeping an open mind, not settling for people of lower character. Also got such a kick out of how much Ali *genuinely* loves sitting with his girlfriend working separately on laptops - so adorable.
The stats also say that for women it is better to stay unmarried and childless than for men ;))) Men (traditionally) get a carer, housekeeper, child bearer etc. which enhances their lives while women (traditionally) put a lot of burden upon themselves - another job, basically.
lol I also noticed this was omitted..😂
I normally listen but this was a great podcast to watch! Loved the vibe between you two and Ali coming in strong with the stats!
Such a great video! I randomly saw his book on the Goodreads app and added it to my Individual Development Plan for work this year. Full circle here and good stuff!
Thanks for the video! Love these type of fireside chat interviews. Always so much wisdom!
they are great :)
Excited to watch this one !! Love Ali:)) and ur such a great interviewer!
My two absolute favourites in one frame…much needed ; thank you so much for this ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Beautiful conversation through and through. Much appreciated. As a happily married woman I will continue to listen to these podcasts for their wisdom.
❤
You did a really great job, thanks a lot for sharing!
I wish you all a happy holiday and have a great coming year! 👍🥰🙏🎁❤🎉
I am halfway watching this podcast, and I really loved it, such insightful content. Thank you both 👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️
I totally agree with you, Matthew on the subject of kids! Thanks for your honesty. A married couple can still be happy without children. Not everybody has to procreate. Kids are more worry than joy.
With that mentality you should not have children. As every part of life it is your perception that shapes your reality
And business is absolutely not the same as having kids. You can drop your business and go back to regular job ANY TIME. Kids thou....it's forever. You will never stop being a mom a dad if you had them. There are so many things that can go wrong. Like ilnesses and so on. And for women and for men it is sooo different
Brilliant discussion. I was captivated 😊
It’s good to see 2 guys who know what they want in life and take steps to make it happen. Meanwhile there are irresponsible people who procreate and don’t want the obligation to care for their children.
I wish there were more men like you two in this world , being intentional about longing for a long-term relationship rather than just playing around with others' feelings and jumping from a bee to bee .
A great podcast , really enjoyed it - thank you both !
Very valuable input from both of you and beautiful green background!
I'm a guy and I'm always interested whenever I see a video of Matt's pop up, I'd love if you did put out the odd video from a male perspective, because you seem like such a balanced guy, but totally appreciate that this channel is geared towards women. Also loved Ali, seen his face around loads but have never watched anything with him, but will be subscribing. Thank you
I shared this with my 26 year old nephew 👍🏻
Really enjoyed listening guys, can't wait to read the book! Just got it delivered today 😁
One of your greatest episodes Matthew!, loaded with eye-opening yet soft insights. Thank you Matthew. And Ali, it's really been a pleasure listening to you talking about the art of relationships...Not an episode, it's been a full experience.
I love Matthew with all my heart
This is so good. Loved it! Ali is such a sensible and amazing person.
Good to see you here Ali
what an uplifting podcast episode :) I liked especially when they talked about the fact that people should be the ones to explain to their loved ones the ways they want to be loved, appreciated and taken care of. None of us are able to read minds and it is unfair to expect that from the other person. I love this idea.
Such a powerful podcast, so many great ideas and practical advice!
This is such a wonderful episode!
I bought your book!
Thanks so much for this ❤️ please do a podcast with James Sexton! You would be soooo good together!! ✨
what an insightful poignant and brilliant conversation - one of the best, thank you!
This was a brilliant collaboration! Two of my favourite CZcamsrs! 😁
I have seen more women not want kids/regret kids but more men want kids, so I don't understand their last 10min at all. Statistically speaking, women's lives and careers are far more affected by their children.
I found this really interesting. I will definitely be taking an attitude of playfulness in the future, I think that is so helpful. I would disagree though on the points of comparing a business to having a child, from the perspective of a 25 year old woman who doesn't want kids. I have met people who love their children deeply, but still regret the choice of parenthood. It is all consuming. With a business, you can close it eventually, if it's not working. You can move on. With children you can't, they are tied to you forever. Also I've noticed there is a lot of shame around parents who regret having children or wish they'd done it differently, it's taboo to talk about.
I agree! Many low income people may regret having kids, or anyone actively following the news these days. Many women in particular take on the brunt of childcare, housework not to mention the massive pain of delivering a child and if they dare to act ungrateful for their child in any small way, people would immediately get mad at them. I think it’s a lot easier for men to want kids cause they don’t have that cultural baggage or damage done to their bodies in doing so. But regardless I understand Ali is just answering the question and I love both him and Matthew. No shade to them I just think it’s a viewpoint based on their experiences among wealthier males who have that viewpoint.
100 per cent! @@kathrynbrodie82 ❤
I must say, it sounds like there's this perception in which women are certain they want kids and men do not and think about this in a very non-emotional/rational way. But there are so many woman like myself who LOVE kids, who get along AMAZING with kids, who know they will be GREAT PARENTS, and are very much connected to emotions, yet still do not feel the need to have kids, are just like Matthew - are scared that this will "interupt" their lives in a way that is too hard. We also struggle at dating because of it. And this becomes even worse when we feel like there's a "timer" on our bodies, and not all of us feel comfortable with the idea of undergoing an eggs perservation procedure, because that is scary too. Very fraustrating.
I am so happy men like you help people realize how important relationships are!
❤❤❤
I love how sparkly Matt looks! After seeing him dull in the last couple of years, I'm so happy how his happiness shines thru!
I agree! Both of them are finally really happier than they were. It's kinda amazing to see the growth!
My favorite two CZcamsrs
Love you guys together.
As a guy who has done my inner work like Matt and Ali, where do I find women who have done their work. I don't meet them on the apps?
OMG, I was just thinking, where can I find guys like Ali and Matthew just said it 😂. Never met someone in the dating scene that has this approach
thank you
Some great pieces of advice here!
It is quite different for men to talk with their guy friends who weren't sure about kids than having an honest convesation with women willing to share their experiences. Some men may be hesitant to have kids, but then ars surprised at how much they enjoy being a father, while the women who grew up with the idea of being a mother often have to face the reality that they pick up an uneven distribution of the work.
So true. Having a working parent experience and a primary caretaker feels like such a different experience. I absolutely love the male's perspective on this. But it will not change my mind about not having kids
This was so good
I find this interesting. Most are trying to meet their prospective partners via a dating app and these two give advice about how to do that yet both found their partners not online. Again just interesting.
that is interesting.....
SUPERB content - THANK YOU SO MCUH !!
I think the difficult thing with communicating our needs isn't so much that now the other person is doing what we asked for because we asked for it, but the fear that we'll communicate our needs and they continue to go unmet.
There's something very vulnerable about telling another person what we need to feel Loved, and when we do that, and the needs still go unmet, the implication is that the other person doesn't Love us enough to want us to feel Loved. It feels like passive devaluation that could have been avoided by simply not being vulnerable.
I've already decided that if I'm afraid to feel vulnerable with a person, then they're the wrong person, but not everyone feels like they'd rather stay single than be in an unfilfilling relationship; some people would prefer to stay in a relationship just so they don't have to be single.
I don't know wha't's so scary about being single! I like being the only person responsible for how I feel or for the messy kitchen! I'd prefer to spend my time pursuing my intersts than trying to communicate my needs to someone who doesn't care.
Beautifully put ❤
very impressed in how this guy thinks and his view to everything waw!
Great discussion
Thanks a lot for sharing! 😊🥰
On the topic of children: it is a bit painful to just assume that all women are dying to have kinds and that is the "normal". There are women who have doubts just like (some!) men do and feel really unseen. Plus - the entire children situation is SO different for men or women, so the answers also depend on that. Moreover, such regrets are taboo so people don't express them freely. They are hard to admit even to themselves, let alone share them honestly with others. The point being: please, don't overgeneralise.
Congratulations on your marriage Mathew.
The vibe between you two- allegedly
Dear Matthew, Would you by chance be going on tour and do public speaking this year?
It's definitely wrong to say there is no one who regrets having kids. There are sooo many people especially women. And i as a women have the exact same struggle as matthew. I don't lile alis "women and men are different species" type of thinking
When i hear all these gurus saying that being married in general much better than not being married, it adds more pressure to me as a single, 34-year old female. It’s simply difficult to find someone, it feels sad and being pressured at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder if this sense of added pressure comes from all these videos of gurus (and seemingly successful ppl) - implying that having a good partner is a prerequisite to a happy life.
Being single has its perks too. The key is to take the pressure off and be the best version of you possible so you can draw your ideal one to you without the push and pressure. Best wishes ❤
A lot of it comes down to what kind of friends do you have and where are you meeting friends. Strong romantic relationships come from friend circles. So it really is important what your friends are like and where you find them.
Think about this... for hobbies and interests... how do you prioritize yours? Consume, interact, explore, generate value
Consuming end not super good. Generate value good. Like activities that promote wellness.
What about your friends?
People that focus on value creation are high quality. People that focus on consumption not so healthy behaving.
I think you should speak your mind in a loving manner ALL the time. Don't wait 2-4 weeks before you do this.
I wish, as an asexual person who struggles to find another ace of any gender to date (I'm pan-romantic), i just really wish the advice related to giving people you don't find initially attractive more of a chance could possibly apply to help make dating easier for us. We are attracted to each other's personalities but most of us aren't swiping on apps based on looks. And we're just struggling so much lol.
Edited to add: I do think the numbers approach might help us. Feeling empowered like we know we're doing everything we can to tip the odds in our own favor, finding a way to enjoy the journey like finding all the dating app annoyances humorous... that might help
I agree with everything you said. As an asexual person, it’s complex
Victim complexion never solves anything
@LibertyMadison Yeah, I'm sure you get it. 💜
Do I really want to speed up the process though? Haven’t watched yet but I’ll update when I’m done.
44:23
Guys are turned off by a woman being:
-criticism
-controlling
-closed off
Women are turned off by men who make them feel:
-unsafe
-unseen
-not understood
I'm literally in the same boat as Matthew when it comes to having children idea. I'm not in a relationship, but im nervous to date someone because I'm not sure where i stsnd on the idea. Right now I say no 100% but I don't know if i want to date someone who doesn't want kids in case I change my mind and vice versa.
I want a home and husband, but I dont know if i can commit to giving up my freedom.
me too! i feel like i cant date in a way because im so wishy washy about it....
If you feel like you can change your mind in the future its not 100% no. Because every day is a new day new you. Also, it's not a reason not to date or be in doubt. Just be honest with your potential partner and let them decide with open cards if they are willing to bet possibly never having a family to be with you
And by family i mean kids and adults. 2 is also a family in my eyes 😅
Congratulations with your marriage!
Can someone kindly timestamp me the part where ali abdaal mentioned about being ourselves vs having a mindset to grow ourselves? I've heard it but I cant find it, thank you!
around min 45!
Why can’t we all just be ourselves is a bad Criticism! If yourself is a lazy couch potato ordering door dash and playing call of duty all day it’s time to not be yourself hahahha ! People should have the freedom to do what they want as long as they know the price and consequences.
About being seen as "creepy," for me a lot of that has more to do with the body language and the feeling that goes with anything you say or do. A sincere, respectfully expressed compliment, that isn't said for purposes of manipulating someone, will be for most women, acceptable and pleasant, and may even attract her to you. But there's a world of difference between that and someone who says it like he expects something as a result eg, "I said she's beautiful, now she is supposed to be flattered and attracted to me" and often accompanied by a stare or invading personal space - that is creepy. Trust me, most of us can tell the difference, and if you think about it, so could you. Just respect that person you're attracted to, in both words and actions. Some women may not know the difference, but that'll screen them out for you :)
I’ve never heard of the 3 c’s and the 3 u’s before, but that is so interesting and really clicked with me. I would be really curious if you’ve ever read or heard the work of Laura Doyle - she has REALLY helped me to work through my need to be controlling in my relationship.
ayo wait sec… drop the Notion template
We all need to over come the conditioning that makes us over value the gift wrapping.
#Oppenheimertheory observation is action
57 20 minutes in. Excellent conversation regarding connection and knowing our own needs... people are not psychic we must have self-awareness,and communicate so our partner knows what to dospecifically.... so that they may offer us the care we're seeking from them.
Lol this video caused me so much anxiety.
❤❤❤
💜💜💜
LOVE IS NOT SEX ….
Mathew could you do a podcast with Susan Winter?
I would think these ideas do not apply to those of us who have found ourselves dating very unexpectedly at the age of 63...these suggestions aren't really applicable to people who are in their twilight years (?)
Wow…I have been looking for an independent, strong minded man who appreciates the same. I really hoped this last guy would be that…but he wasn’t 😢 Everyone needs to approve of the woman in his life
A marriage contract isn’t building its more of binding insurance and security for the woman…good luck
Good point
Nobody wants to FIND love. As the philosopher Slavoj Zizek says, we want to FALL in love. We want to be found. We want to fight it. And still fall - for the wrong person.
Guys holding fish dating profile pictures.
his advice is go on 2 dates per week? hahaha, it is more like 2 dates per year LOL
I enjoyed this video but I don’t agree with the position of “women all going for the same man” I think men are all lookin for that “OnlyFans” look and when normal or “average” women like them they tend to ignore them.
Yikes... Early in the interview Ali was successful in making me feel down and out about the value and meaning of my life. No family or relationship in my 40s.
Exactly. "Just be yourself" is the most destructive advice possible. It basically means doing nothing. Yet somehow expecting the results you want even though it has never worked out before.
Getting the results you want means, DON'T be yourself. You MUST change. You have to do extensive research what the men want that you want. You have to become more feminine and less masculine. You have to lose weight. You have to pursue instead of waiting on a chair forever. Stop being entitled, stop thinking you are special, stop complaining and blaming men and stop making excuses for your own poor behavior. Start taking accountability and responsibility and CHANGE.
You are what you attract.
I don't like when the guy has a black and white picture, because it seems like he is trying to hide something.
Why do we want our partners to be mind readers. I want you to want to do the thing that matters to me.
I love Ali, but man, he isnt the easiest to listen too. I do sub too him but man, he speaks too fast. I get rattled listening to him after a bit.
What a toxic thing to say that ppl r happier when they've achieved a family. Wtf!! And to add "numbers"?? This gimuy is just selling his work. I love Matthew, but this other guy is wrong in so many things he says here. So narrow-minded.
And we r attracted to what our inner child dictates!! He/she is trying to get what they didnt receive from their parents. We unconsciously go to a parter that will hurt us, to learn self-love. It's not as shallow as "statistical" as this guy says. Ewwwww. I gotta stop listening to him. Only Matthew parts are useful.
16 minutes in... such a tone deaf discussion between 2 blokes .. that's not how it happens for women entrepreneurs, guys, they are usually not supported by their partners, maybe only 5% of them,, their are studies done; and comparing dating with choosing secretaries is... plain .. wrong. Tone deaf !
@Matthew, it seems you don't know what to do.....your perspective was quite selfish...
ohhh love @aliabdaal! The way he constantly seeks for the ways of improving himself is so inspiring :) He is literally creating the life he wants, such a nice person!
Thank you so much for this information. I decide to start dating again in 2024, so I´m going take the diferents steeps Ali mention. Let´s see what happens. I truly believe that I can match to a man looking for commitment and a LTR. First steep: speak English fluently!
Good luck to you. That handsome Cardio surgeon with six packs who can cook you gourmet meal is just a swipe away.