I Regret Doing a PhD
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
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WHO AM I?
Hey there, I’m Cinzia DuBois. I’m a part-time, self-funded PhD student and CZcamsr, Podcaster and writer. I’ve been creating videos for over thirteen years. On this channel, I talk about dark and ancient history, literature and folklore. I discuss productivity, personal development, PhD, academia, and mental well-being on my second channel.
❗️DISCLAIMER
I am just a random student on the internet who loves reading, especially about ancient history and classics. My videos aim to make classics and ancient history interesting and accessible to everyone. I am not a professional or qualified educator, “expert”, historian or classicist. However, I ensure that all the information I use in my video scripts has been collated from numerous credible sources. Additionally, I am dyslexic, and I will mispronounce words. This does not stem from willful ignorance, and I try to research how to pronounce words before filming, but I often misread my phonetic spelling. In light of this, please do not rely on my video for an authoritative or reliable source of how to pronounce certain words.
Chapters:
0:00 Introduction
“ I was paying for her guidance and not her approval” - gold!!! 🏅
I wish some had convinced me of this decades ago!
@@sdzielinski Imagine what life could have been like without the need for bribes.
@@howwitty
That's not what bribery is.
University tuition or PhD guidance is a service provided for money.
@@mnomadvfx You have understood my point.
It’s a little naive though. Approval is a large part of a supervisor's responsibilities. A dissertation can't be a jumble of any old collection of "facts" and ideas. There are standards that must be upheld for the doctoral program to be accredited.
I got my Ph.D. in 1999, and I’ve been a professor, department head, and an associate Dean here in the US. Academia offers unparalleled opportunities to feel not smart enough, not good enough, and profoundly insecure. There will always be someone who is a better researcher, or writer, or speaker. But here’s the thing- do you enjoy it at all? Does the process of researching and writing bring you any joy or satisfaction (despite worries and insecurities that it is not good enough)? Then you are ALREADY an academic. You are a colleague, perhaps a junior colleague, but a colleague. If you decide in the end that it’s not for you, that’s fine. But you wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t smart and capable.
sorry pet, adjuncts form around 70% of US university teaching staff. They are not counted as colleagues. They are not invited to staff meetings, neither is their academic input taken seriously. They teach without a proper contract and are neither seen nor heard by the very departments they work in. One other thing, im particulary concerned about the way "academics" subvert students minds witht their left wing agenda.They are their to teach , not indoctrinate with the naive pro anachism of those who dont live in the real word.
Thank you, I needed to hear this!
Thank you! I have a PhD and decided to quit academia after my postdoc, because I felt so insecure and inadequate. I felt that the environment was sucking the joy out of research. I miss research and teaching. Do you have any tips on how to survive academia without succumbing to the insecurities?
The trouble the US is that the only place one can find to hear and talk about the proper big ideas is at college
And the only way to stay forever, to “enjoy it all” (to me it almost feels like there’s no oxygen anywhere else) is to play along with this competitive nonsense. Lately it seems like it would be easier than playing along with the small talk that passes everywhere else
@@The_CGAthis comment is odd to me- there’s a lot of places that you can engage w big ideas outside of a university, and there’s a lot of people within universities who are not very interesting and love small talk? This comment kind of reminds me of my colleagues who have never worked a job outside academia but also hate academia
My advisor told me "Any PhD who has not been utterly destroyed by the process and needed to build themselves up anew from the ground has been done a disservice, because they won't be prepared to be an academic." Good luck. It got better for me.
Okay I kind of hate this - my reply to this is then 'Okay then we need to work on fixing academia, not putting people through hell as peparation.' But I guess this is why I will not ever do a PhD and be an academic
@@Harri_Jay_Kay not saying it's great, just describing the system as is. I could go on about ways that academia could be improved, but we're not fixing it in a comment section.
This extends well past academia. If you go through life without hardship, never learning to pick yourself up and move forward, well, it is called survival of the fittest for a reason.
One of my professors dropped a stack on dissertations on his desk and told the class that they were "divorce papers."
@@HgBill Oh yeah, this isn't aimed at you, more aimed at your supervisor and that general mindset.
I started a PhD-even had a paper selected for presentation at my national academic society.The morning I presented, I overheard a job interview at the next table. The junior academic position was offered to the young, untried hopeful. The salary was presented. It was for $27,000 for a full time position (USD). My PhD was costing me $140,000. I gave my paper, resigned the PhD program, and *sigh* went back to my old career. With the collapse of liberal arts education in the United States, it was, in retrospect, a good decision. I haven’t stopped studying, reading, being curious, though. Good luck in your journey. I wish you nothing but success.
The teachers union in my university system are striking in a couple of weeks and it hurts me how these brilliant, dedicated educators are given a pittance in a very expensive part of the U.S. and expected to make it work but also educate us thoroughly enough that we'll better the field. I don't blame you for that decision. It's had me thinking about strongly considering going into the "safe" career for my field, which I am having an inner crisis about.
Excellent share! This sums up why I have never gone for a PhD. I have worked as an adjunct faculty for two schools for 25 years and know that the small rate of pay offered would not increase if I had that degree. Personally, sure, I would love to have the extra learning and knowledge, but living on a fixed income, it just doesn't make financial sense. The feedback from my students is my reward. I would always choose being a good teacher over anything else.
I am an archaeologist who works in cultural resources management - I help my employer comply with archaeological and historic preservation laws - and every now and again someone will try to recruit me for a teaching position at a community college or to work at a museum, and the pay disparity is just astounding. I would lose 66% of my pay if I went to a teaching position or to work as a museum curator, and as I am the sole income for my family, that's not something I can do (were I single, I might, as those jobs seem more appealing, but I have a family to provide for). The lack of pay for these positions is atrocious, and makes me worry about the future of both education and public communication of nearly every subject.
@@afarensis16 I'm a Student of archeology in the jordanian university. I don't hate the subject personally but everyone around me tell me that archaeology is jobless and don't pay enough while nepotism play major part in its institution whither in academia or jobs so it's somehow elitist. so somehow I feel depressed and Don't know, I feel I made a wrong choice and my passion goes down. so what advice can you give me?
You don't study archaeology to make money.@@starcapture3040
Dang, listening to this I just want to give you a HUGE hug. Don't sell yourself short, please! You are a wonderful person and definitely intelligent, because let's be honest not everyone can do a PhD. I might be just an internet stranger, but I am so so proud of you that you are willing to reach out for help even if it's scary. Good luck and just keep sharing your stories, we will be listening (and those of us who do care will be silently and loudly rooting for you).
Yes!
You put into words exactly what I feel, and I'm sure everyone else watching feels the same.
Absolutely ❣️
Same here. I also am so proud of her for deciding to not dim her light anymore. Women are socialized to do that, and also to never say no. About fifteen years ago, I decided I'd had enough of that. Now, at 54 years old, I'm so very glad I did. I'm not running around bragging to everyone about me, then telling them no. But I'm also not doing the 180 of that either. I can talk about my triumphs when appropriate, and also have some boundaries (still working on that) because I don't let others do whatever they want with me and my time. Imagine that!
@@Liberal.Linda. That is so awesome!
As a former PhD supervisor and current academic coach, I feel like this video of yours should be required viewing for all Phd candidates in humanities and social sciences. I would also say that supervisors should also watch this to remind themselves that their roles and their desire to support their students are often misinterpreted. I plead with my students to keep some kind of research journal to record their journey and their thoughts, fears and of course their brilliant new ideas. It doesn't have to be online but I think your Patreon and blog will be super useful for many other students as well as a great resource for you to reflect on and refine (and celebrate) your new approach. Meanwhile, I am so glad to see you have reflected on your approach and discovered that you are the problem and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Sometimes I feel like students wish to wrap their supervisors in cotton wool to protect them from the student's perceived inadequacies.Please all of you remember that Phd students are taken on because supervisors have a deep belief that you (with their help, support and cheerleading) will succeed. We don't start off with a let's see how this goes mentality. As to networking, yes it is a big and for us introverts a very horrible part of academia. You may not realise this but there is a large portion of academia who dread that side of it too (raising my hand here). The trick, I think, is to use social media to find those introverts in your field and arrange to stick together at conferences so hopefully your blog will provide you those connections. Lastly though, and most importantly, your intelligence, passion and your metacognitive abilities (and above all those metacognitive abilities) to identify the causes of your studies going off-course stands you in good stead for the rest of your studies, and I fully expect in a while to see your channel name changed to Lady of the Library, PhD.
Wonderful ❣️
Dr Library, if you please. I did not spend 7 years doing my PhD to be called LADY of the library.
My PhD advisor was such an absolute nightmare (multiple times intentionally sabotaged me while she had a mental breakdown). Embrace your kind and helpful advisor! Keep at it :)
I identify with this video so much, on top of which I had a supervisors not answer my e-mails, avoiding answering my questions when I was struggling, one was mentally unraveling as well, often times making my supervision meetings so stressful it was not helpful at all. Ultimately, one passed away, and I had to give up a PhD and am finishing a licenciate instead. On top of all of this, I moved to Sweden for this programme and felt isolated even before the pandemic cut off my budding networking. It's comforting to hear people talk about similar experiences, where I feel validated in feeling this is not "my fault"
@@hanamarcetic5923 ugh I’m so sorry that happened to you! A person on my committee didn’t reply to any emails of mine for over a year, and then when they did reply it was months before my dissertation defense to say that my dissertation wasn’t ready and I couldn’t graduate that year. Honestly it was insane. Meeting with my main supervisor (the one who was unraveling) was so stressful that I started having panic attacks (diagnosed). I actually went to the ER multiple times because I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. They were super argumentative about weird things that didn’t matter and very volatile. It was isolating and scary and confusing.
You’re not alone. Some people who become PhD advisors are on a weird and sick power trip, and working out their own mental problems via asserting power over their students who are literally at their mercy. It’s insane.
I wonder if we had the same advisor. 🤔
why did you choose her or not change her then?
This felt more like "I regret the way I did my PhD" rather that "I regret getting a PhD". The latter implies that you'd undo it if you could, go back to before. The former implies you'd still do it but do it differently.
I just know your literature reviews are well written just from this
I mean, I haven't actually got a PhD yet, haha, so I can't say the latter. I would undo it if I could
@@CinziaDuBois As someone who's seriously considering doing a phd, I was very interested in why you regreted doing it, only to find out that you don't actually...the title really is misleading.
@@CinziaDuBois With hindsight you always realise that you made mistakes along the way, things you got interested in, which were irrelevant or off-topic. However, it's NOT really the content that actually matters, it's that you learn how to do research and then defend your point of view and support your conclusions with evidence and arguments. That requires you pass the informal examination your supervisor (s) and anyone else you can get to read.comment along the way give you and then the external review process. In hind sight, my mistake was to do more than i could actually manage in the time and present too much detail in the thesis (given all the effort it takes to write).
It's a clickbait title obviously. CZcams titles are never exactly what the video is about.
I have the utmost respect for someone who can pivot. It’s proof that you can reflect on patterns and correct course and I think it takes strength of character and deep care about yourself and your work. Proud of you for turning over this new leaf and excited to hear more about your PhD! 🥳
I’m a PhD graduate (many years ago) and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I’m now 72 yo, and still going strong in the field of biomedical research. We chose our own destinies.
I am a PhD drop out and it was the best decision I ever made.
me too
Me three
What was your field of study?
@@sonjak8265 nursing
"I didn't think I was smart enough."
Girl, you're doing a PhD! Give yourself some credit. You are absolutely an academic, and I'm very proud of you.
I 100% get this. In the US the PhD is more guided at the beginning, but now that I"m at the end portion where I'm working all by myself, it feels terrifying. A doctorate is not something that, I believe, is possible to do completely alone. We're here for you, Cinzia. Proud of you for not quitting!
I'm not doing a PhD but I really resonated with the idea of constantly downplaying where you're at so others can't/won't attack you or notice you. It truly isn't a healthy way to approach the creative process, whether that's academic or artistic or in any other vein. Best of luck to you!
WHEW I think that sums up the working world tbh...
I totally get it. I did a phd in France in European medieval literature. It went very well with my research and supervisor, so i can't regret it totally, but i now have so many difficulties to get job interviews, because I'm too expensive as a labor force (i have to lie on my cv by removing my phd to get jobs interview and get a couple of jobs) and i finished my phd with a major burnout, so i also can't recommend to people doing one. I'm sending you many virtual hugs and support! ❤
That's why after working 10 years as a software engineer with a CS degree I don't have a masters, my boss and my colleagues advice against it because it wouldn't make any difference if anything could affect my chances of getting job. Now I might consider it since I have a work experience backing me up, but I'm considering to switch fields completely and go back to uni.
I toyed with the idea of doing a PhD and went to have a chat with my proposed supervisor. It became quickly clear that unless I wanted a career in academia, then a PhD would be of no benefit. I struggle now with job hunting just with a masters! Over qualified in a small
job market.
Do it for your own satisfaction, not a job or anyone’s approval. Then again don’t need to do a phd to enjoy academic work
My daughter submits hers this year after 6 years. She's heartily sick of it. Me too😮
I completed my PhD a couple of years ago, but the whole process was... brutal. My supervisors were absolutely lovely and supportive, but my mental health was so messed up by the whole thing I had to keep taking long breaks to recover from mini breakdowns. I wanted to quit so many times! I also did it long distance (and part time), and it was *rough*. I missed the whole experience of having other academics around, to talk to, bounce ideas off, and share support. And as a super introvert, I suffered so much with conferences - i liked hearing the papers, but the whole being-around-people, socialising, networking aspect was a constant nightmare (and fail, for me). Best of luck - you can do this ❤
When I see anecdotes like this I have to wonder what value these conditions contribute to academia or the study or advancement of any discipline. Is information only considered valuable when stained with the tears of exhausted students? What game are we playing, here?
I’m so sorry you didn’t consider yourself an academic when you’re involved in a high-level academic endeavor - you are a Lady and a Scholar!
I’m glad you’re turning away from the nasty and ungracious people flaunting their bad attitudes, you deserve better!
👏🏼💛👏🏼
A PhD used to be something to aspire to have because it meant that you had contributed something to your chosen field, and understood the material enough to do so. Unfortunately, now not only are many fields pretty well figured out, but special interests have totally curbed tue desire for people to innovate and explore any remaining avenues of those fields. There regrettably isn't any good reason for anyone to gain a PhD anymore unless you're going to be a professor, and even then you really have to dig deep in the weeds to make a "new" contribution to your field. Academia has suffocated under the weight of politics and populism.
I got stuck in a PhD for 8 years and ultimately took mental health leave.
My issue was I had several 'advisors' (can't say supervisors) who would hand me over when my research issues were beyond their expertise.
This lead to many circular "there's a hole in the bucket" issues.
Am now doing a IT game development degree and finding my PhD experiences really did teach me how to create my own learning systems and processes. 😊
Oh that sucks. I was definitely researching something my committee did not understand, but it actually was helpful because they made me explain things in a more grounded, less jargony way.
A Ph.D. is all about proving that you will fall into line with the academic consensus. It has nothing with demonstrating competence or or original work.
Love this! It it hard..."I'm 32..." Yes, and you should be proud of who you are what what you've accomplished. I'm 52 and finishing a 2nd masters in Sociology (1st in History) and there are times of doubt and exhaustion. But, It's mine. Just as yours will be you own, and no one can take that from you!
You have changed my life with this video. The line “paying for her advice not her approval” hit me like a wall. I’m attempting self-directed study whilst chronically ill and I’ve struggled along and asked no questions - until now. Thank you 🙏🏼
The path to a PhD is such an emotional rollercoaster and so incredibly different from any degree leading up to it. I completed my PhD in Anthropology 7 years ago. If I got a chance to do it over again, there are so many things I would change, not that I ever want to go through that again! I started with a cohort and a year of classes but then moved back home and started teaching while doing my research and definitely felt isolated and left out of the experiences my cohort were having. The thing I kept telling myself was that once you're done, no one can take that away from you. I am now in my first year as an Assistant Professor and dealing with similar challenges starting my research and publication program in order to get tenure, but now I'm asking for help and connecting with colleagues. When you start opening up and talking to others, you learn that you are not alone in these struggles.
All the best to you in this journey.
When I started my anthropology journey in uni I knew I would never do a PHD. To it is not worth it in my situation. As a disabled person. Unless you have family support financially and all other ways. It is not worth it or attainable for so many.
@hazelyhaste I don't think anyone expects a PhD to be easy. The central point here is that it is challenging in ways beyond academics. Didn't study in the US and I don't think Cinzia did either.
@@solarydays how so?
@hazelyhaste what I mean is that there are unexpected challenges that I corkscrew prepare for, hence why I qualified "challenging in ways beyond academics". Going in, I knew I would be spending hours reading and interpreting sources, spend months in the lab collecting data, much more time writing and analyzing the results. I even anticipated exploring theories that ultimately wouldn't pan out. What I wasn't prepared for was dealing with imposter syndrome and extreme self-doubt, needing to handle battling egos, plus the added stress of doing all of it while working and while being a caretaker (a position I was not in when starting my degree). I was prepared for the academic work, but not the mental health/psychology aspects that came with such a venture. Fortunately, these are things that are discussed more widely now, such as in this video, so incoming grad students are more likely to know that they are not alone in these experiences. I certainly try to openly discuss it with my own students.
@hazelyhaste not what I'm saying at all. Those things can be overcome and are not necessarily tied to innate characteristics. It was simply an added hurdle. But hey, it's done now, and I am stronger and more self-aware person for it.
To the train analogy: one of my friends said a PhD is “like being chased by a glacier. It’s coming for you very very slowly, but if it catches you it will f*ck you up.” Thanks for sharing your experiences! I am supervising my first student now and it is a big learning curve - thanks for offering such useful perspectives that can help me to support them better!
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. I'm currently doing an MSc and feel very isolated and stupid. There is no formal teaching and I struggle to understand. I too don't ask for help. Today I will be asking for guidance from my tutor, which I would not have done without listening to you.
You are wonderful! Keep going and I wish you all the best in your life.
Do not regret your education especially going towards your PhD. I’m 33 and working towards my associates alone with my bachelors then hopefully towards my masters. It may seem hopeless and mind f**ked at first but it all comes together as long as you never give up. You will or already are the 1% of learners and scholars whom earn their degree and actually cherish their education. Remember the mind is a terrible thing to waste. As a former fighter and wannabe mma fighter I had to make a choice and choose my education and health over wanting to be some uneducated brain damaged brute in mma. With the education I received I am now confident that the world is truly at the palm of my hands especially being a person of color. Never give up champion for there are those whom are rooting for you to keep learning and give us an education through your videos. I was even screwed over and betrayed by my own countrymen/branch when it came to the possibilities of getting a GI bill in order for the government to pay for my education. Yet I still enrolled into school and paid my own way towards higher learning. There are other countries whom will pay you top dollar in order to learn and teach at their fields of study. NEVER GIVE UP YOU ARE A SCHOLAR! 🥂🍻🙏🏿
I'm 43, full-time management job, finishing my 20 year old bachelors, and getting ready to apply to grad school. We can do it!
MSN once reported that while there is nothing wrong with learning for its own sake, you get diminished returns with each additional degree.
Getting a two-year degree is an obvious choice. It only takes two years, and the difference in lifetime earnings between associate degree- holders and high school graduates is significant.
However, a four-year degree costs about twice as much, keeps you out of the work force twice as long, and the increase in lifetime earnings is not as great.
@@stathamspeacoat you are totally badass! Keep learning and growing for being a scholar is what truly matters in this world. The pen is waaay mightier than the sword.
@@nghtwtchmn129 he wasn't talking about the earning
You absolutely deserve to be proud of yourself! Getting over the discomfort of asking for help is a life changing accomplishment. I'm super proud of you and so excited to see you thrive. 🖤
Wow I deeply relate, I essentially attempted the PHD approach for my masters last year which led to many panic attacks and meltdowns, but in the final months I finally got diagnosed ADHD and dyslexic which has made me totally rethink my understanding of education and it’s institutional structures. I would love to do a phd but I feel that the system is not made for my brain to enjoy the process, at the least I now understand why I felt so “dumb” while being a all or nothing perfectionist through my life.
I'm so glad you shared this. Everything you shared about not asking for help, short-changing your accomplishments, etc. is so relatable. I'm glad you got the support you needed from your supervisor, and I hope you have the best of luck moving forward.
This made me cry, thank you for being so candid with yourself and including us in your coming into your light. Shine brightly and remember your worth
I think this video is something so many people need! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and reflections. ❤
I was in the exact same position, in a uk institution, studying classical archaeology, doing a PhD through distance learning, self funded, working full time, and I am also a massive introvert with social anxiety. I saw my supervisor as more of an administrator - they would ask questions of my research to give me a shove in the right direction, but that’s the only help they gave. I worked through covid and through ill health. Hang in there, I submitted my thesis in November, just had my viva and passed (with minor corrections). It can be done, but it takes a lot. Even now I still see myself as an imposter, it’s a mental health minefield.
Congratulations on passing! That's such a huge achievement!
This was exactly what I needed to hear right now. I'm a year into my PhD and can't help but focus on all the things I've gotten wrong, how little I've accomplished, etc. Really relate to everything you've said here, and I'm also going to try to ask for help more and take myself seriously as an academic in the coming year. Thank you 😊
A thought that comforted me during the process was that you are not a PhD until you submitted and defended (and in my case reworked most of it for another gruelling 6 months after that). So you are not supposed to write on a PhD level, accomplishing PhD things. You are meant to grow into it.
And more importantly all the setbacks, the endless non-relevant reading and unsuccessful strains of your research come together in the end as substantial knowledge which secures and navigates your arguments. Knowing where not to go reflects your profound understanding of the field.
I went through many of these things and I know that many of my colleages did too. I dont want to write an essay on the many pitfalls I went through but here is two things that matter: 1. I did the PhD (literature) because I really wanted it bad and today I have it and I sleep sound with no regrets. I feel like now my life is free from any ambitions that torment me and Im enjoying the ride. 2. I went through 9 months of unemployment relying compeltely on my mothers support, mental health, selfworth all in the gutter. I humbled myself and decided to start new in a profitable field that interests me and I found a job at a big company which offered a 9 month crash course starting with simple warehouse labour to, now working in an administrative function for quite big business projects. I am financially nowwhere near people who started a business career instead of a PhD but I am stable, self-sufficient and have good prospects ahead. You can start fresh in your mid 30s and catch up its fine.
Thank you for your openness and honesty. Very well done at expressing how need and perception can burden one’s self unnecessarily. Excellent advice.
I can relate to this so hard, not just academically but generally. I think if you'tr prone to self-doubt, or have family members/contacts who put you down, it is easy to learn to play small and stay under the radar. A narcissistic mother and an abusive relationship taught me that lesson well. I struggle to ask for help as it seems like an admission of weakness. I am starting a Masters in the autumn (deferred from last autumn) despite being told when I was younger that I couldn't/shouldn't pursue my education (I am the only one in the family who has done so). You are so inspiring to me and I love your videos. I wish you all the success in the world, don't let miserable people pull you down.
I love how you came to this conclusion. You are amazing and a real rolemodel to me. And I'm ready as a patron again.
Reading all the comments makes me feel so much less alone. I’m almost done my Hons BSc in geography and moving on to a MSc but I also feel lost and confused and just, stupid. I’m extremely introverted and it seems so easy for everyone else around me but I constantly question whether I should be here at all. I wish all you kind people were my classmates and lab mates.
I admire your honesty, your bookshelves, and your sparkling personality. Good luck!
Hugs! You definitely deserve to feel proud of yourself. As someone who also has incredible social anxiety I know how hard it is to ask for help but you did it. Intelligence is acknowledging and learning from your mistakes so you don’t have to worry there. Mistakes teach better than success. Keep going, you can do it!
Good for you!!! Such a brave decision and actions! I believe in your abilities to turn this around. Believe in yourself!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Cinzia, take care and best wishes on your research journey!
I want to thank you so deeply for this. As someone who also struggles with self perception and fear of coming across as arrogant etc. your words really spoke to me and helped me.
Wow, the honesty and bravery you show are amazing. I was listening to you speak, and a lot of what you said reminded me of me. I also put myself down and never acknowledged any of my achievements. I m very glad you are going to do this, im sure you will be a great success.
I want to hug you so much right now! Thank you for making this video, telling the truth and most, of all, committing to working through it and not quitting.
You dropped so many gems. Stop dimming your light, it is not about approval but appropriate guidance. I wish I learned this during my first Ph.D. However, you live, and you learn. Tfs and I hope you succeed in your endeavors!
I really needed to hear this. I just realised I think the exact same way about myself in relation to academia, so thank you for this realisation! I’m glad you’re making the conscious effort to ask for help❤
Yesterday I did it. For the first time I actually wrote my professor an email with 2 questions. One just about general info for the exam and one asking for a better structure of the content we did the last two weeks because I cannot for the life off it connect it to what we did before. And it was scary as hell. But she already talked to me today before class. She will be completely revising the content with a big example on thursday and if I have any questions after that about the structure I should come back to her. It was way easier than trying to come up with an explanation by myself or waiting for the big aaaah moment in the future.
I am very proud of me and totaly get, why you never before wrote an email to your supervisor. Proud of you as well and for both of us, that we understood the we are still independently studying even when asking for help.😊
You are most definitely an academic. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching your videos for several years. I originally subscribed to a different channel of yours and I will now subscribe to this channel.
Thanks for having the courage for sharing how you feel!
Wow-you have been SO vulnerable these last few months. I can tell you've been going through so much personal growth and that's huge. You should be proud
Wow, this was so enlightening, thank you!! So many shared feelings. Best of luck to you regaining your power and flourishing!! You are obviously very intelligent. Wishing you the best!
Hey Cinzia, so glad you made this video. Please hang in there and continue with your work. I would love to learn more about it. 🎓
Very well done on getting to this space, and sharing it with us! A lot of what you have said resonates with how I felt doing my MSc. I did not often speak with my supervisor for a lot of the same reasons!
Thank you for sharing your perspective with us, your frankness is refreshing. The “imposter syndrome” is a very relatable feeling. I suppose that you don’t “feel” like an academic because you truly are one , inherently, in your nature. Not because you went to school and earned certifications and degrees, although that is what the world outside of yourself will hang your status as an academic on. Your internal drive and motivation to do this is part of what makes you an academic but your love of what you do is plain to see. You’ve shared with us your struggles with reading and studying, and you don’t let it stop you. We often do not see our own strengths and take them for granted. As a nuerodiverse human I have had to push myself through similar situations in order to learn, because I love learning, but I do not like school. I feel a lot of solidarity and inspiration from hearing your experiences. Thank you again! Wishing you lots of rest and a steady nervous system 😅
I always love your raw honesty, which I know is so very hard to do. I hope you know that by sharing your vulnerabilities, you are truly helping and inspiring all of us daily! ❤
I know this is a month late but thank you for the vid! I just started my PhD and have been feeling a little demoralized lately, but hearing your journey on navigating that stress and renewing yourself journey in this way is very inspiring and I thank you!
This is something I needed to hear as I near the completion of my undergrad. Thank you for giving me perspective on challenges that I truly resonate with.
Wow sounds like so much , thank you for sharing and explaining so well. SO Glad you reached out for help❣️ I love your heartfelt honesty ❤️ ( I barely have a high school diploma, you make everything understandable, Thank You Again ❣️)
I only ever got as far as working on a Master's degree, but as with many of your other blogs, this is so relatable. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, this was so relatable. I'm glad it's going better for you
Cinzia - thank you so much for this insightful, honest and inspiring video. Whilst I'm not struggling for a phd, your words ring true for so much of my professional life, and i am going to take your lessons to heart. Please accept my best wishes with your struggles, my respect for your successes, and my thanks for your lessons. Always a huge fan of your work, so please remember you're making a difference out here...
The PhD experience is so different than any other degree. Like you said, you are mostly building your own degree. In the US we actually do take classes. It is roughly a year of classes, which is actually really useful for building up that network that you talked about. The second year is mostly focused on your dissertation proposal, but you hopefully already have a smaller research project published by then and that is when you choose your dissertation board, which are advisors (or in rare circumstances external experts of the field) who will formally approve your work. After your proposal is accepted then you push towards your full dissertation, which itself should also contain several published works. Years 3,4,5+ are focused on that, where you are a lot more isolated, but generally still want resources from the university and staff. I think that flow eases you from the traditional education setup into the research-focused academia a lot better.
I meet with my advisor (what you call a supervisor) every week, and they are very involved in my work and keep me motivated. Anyone doing a PhD should make sure to choose an advisor who is willing to meet frequently to keep you engaged and to help you as often as possible. Also, I want to second something alluded to in the video which is to attend any events on-campus as much as possible. If other PhD Candidates are doing a dissertation defense, you should attend them, go to any events your department throws. I am like you, and I am introverted and hate that stuff, but i admit that those things are valuable even if I hate doing them. It is good for the staff to see your face in person because, as was also mentioned, you will need to ask them for help and/or favors throughout your studies, so it is good to build those relationships even if doing so is hard and uncomfortable. I thought a PhD would be something I could just do myself from home, but I have been shocked how much I have had to force myself to do uncomfortable things during this experience. I have to work with people a lot more than I expected. I have to introduce myself to strangers and ask for help, things that I am not comfortable or used to doing. Also, like Lady Liberty here, I work full time while doing my PhD, so doing all this is hard and was very unexpected to me. I have also considered quitting multiple times. But then I have days where I am so excited and pumped that I stuck with it. A lot of other days are in between where I am just tired and want to watch TV or relax but I have to work on this school project that I signed myself up for. In the end I hope it’s worth it. I am only halfway through, so we will see what the next few years brings.
Loved this video very glad you made it even though it was hard. I'm a professional musician who couldn't finish undergrad because of the stress of academia. I relate to so much of what you're discussing, VERY much looking forward to more videos documenting your process!
This video speaks greatly to me. Every point addressed from the self-isolation, feeling like you're not doing the work properly, the negative self-talk and the uncertainty of the word produced is something I am currently going through in my first year. And it is a incredible relief to know that I am not alone in these feelings.
Wow…I’m sorry that was your experience. I got my Ph.D. later in life (in my 30’s) after years as a teacher, which helped a lot with my social anxiety. It can definitely be isolating! Having a good committee is so important, plus avoiding departmental toxicity. The shitty humanities job market & higher ed culture are designed to make folks get imposter syndrome & quit. I hope you find a happier professional sphere elsewhere.
Oh WOW, CONGRATS on almost 200K subscribers!!!
Thank you for sharing your journey! You've already accomplished so much that I'm glad you're finally giving yourself some flowers. If you're struggling to find secondary research papers, your university librarians can probably help you, lady of the library :)
Thank you for sharing this perspective! I needed to hear this.
Your transparency is so refreshing! It s the first time I interacted with your channel and I really appreciate your insights, as a masteral student trying to decide on applying to phd.
This video just popped up on my recommendation but I'm so glad I watched it. I am just starting my master's dissertation and it gives so much motivation to watch other's who are in the same (or a more advanced version) position. Also, just have to say I love your look here, the hair, the outfit, the glasses, the lipstick, perfection all of it
Having watched many of your videos, I can say that your channels are among the best channels I've ever watched. Smart and engaging. Dogs only improve them. Thank you. Bliss to you!
Piled Higher and Deeper. Took my mom 30 years to realize her PhD was completely useless and ruined her life. Her constant ambition to prove herself to a professor/advisor prevented her from being a mother to her infant children and a wife to her husband. Now she is divorced, alone, estranged from the family, and mentally ill from 30 years of completely unnecessary stress and anguish over a degree and job. Her husband made plenty of money, nice house, nice neighborhood, two daughters. But we never saw her happy. Always miserable angry tired exhausted and taking it out on us and her husband. We were constantly neglected and abandoned. Often sitting at school with the vice principal waiting for her until 7pm at night to come get us. NOW She is alone, sick, unemployed, and is completely alone because we all hate her for making our lives so miserable for 25 years. She didn’t even come to our weddings. This phd life is not for everyone and can be a detriment in the long term of your life.
That’s a shocking story, how can a PhD drag on for 30 years? Sorry for everyone involved
A huge hurdle to overcome especially sharing your story of struggle. That took Gumption. How wonderful to see the Canine members of your household showing their support.
Thank you for this! This video came at the right timing. I'm currently doing my masters thesis and I totally feel and experience the same thing.
I like how important to see ourself as academic and really claiming it and not to feel what people will think.
I appreciate this video very much. I also understand what it’s like to make yourself feel small and try to not bother anyone and think that you are unworthy of help. I think your video give me hopes to try and be the best version of me that I can be.
It's so hard to ask for help and make yourself vulnerable. Just putting yourself out there is the first step towards a healthier, more sustainable way to working and learning
My heart aches for you, Cynthia! Wishing you a lot of strength! ❤
Thanks for your genuine video. Much love from Vancouver ❤❤❤❤❤
This is painfully relatable. I really hope you manage to hold on to the idea that it's alright to ask for help. I know it is hard.
PhD is hard. Having a supportive supervisor who is not only willing to help you but also be good enough on their own research so that they can include you in their own projects, or help you generate good ideas for your to pursue, is key. Meeting other PhDs through conferences, summer schools, visiting other teams etc is also super helpful.
Thank you for being open about your experience.
It took me 7 years to complete my PhD. Sometimes I think it was the worst decision of my life, and other days I think that it was the best decision I could have ever made. Feeling this way is normal. My original supervisor dropped me, and my new supervisor was good but not great. Keep going, academic! If they accepted you into the program, it´s because the committee thought you showed high potential of obtaining your degree. Don´t let the impostorism take over your mind. Also, and for everybody: go to your librarian to get more help finding research sources! Love from the other side of the pond.
the depth of your personal insight in humility and human frailty is a lesson to behold, sheer beauty and astoundingly deep
I’d be your cohort in a heartbeat, just keep doing what you are doing. Your ‘supervisor’ is nothing more than a title. Yes she is an individual and has her own titles, but you are a powerhouse in your own right.
Never forget that you are also an individual, but a cut above the norm, you are inspirational and also provide information to those that wish to be entertained whilst informed.
You are awesome ❤
Sounds like you're in a similar situation to the one I was in at about the same point in my isolated, and isolating, Ph.D. Having the courage to recognize your mistakes is valuable but having the courage to continue on, in certain knowledge that you'll make more, is priceless. And you obviously have the reflective ability to learn from mistakes, so from where I stand (25 years post-Ph.D. with loads of teaching and mentoring) it appears you're actually in a pretty sound position.
This gives me terrible PTSD from my PhD time that was about 27 years ago.
That was a lovely chat! Thanks! I love your set -- the books, the lights, the plant, and your pretty dog 🐕 ❤️ -- is so homey! I think it's wonderful that you're a natural loner who puts herself out there to the world on CZcams! You helped this loner get through my stretching routine all the way across the world in San Diego!
I'm literally listening to you while taking my lunch break from working on my literature review for my dissertation right now. Not a PhD - a Doctorate of Business Administration - but the principles you talk about apply the same. Thank you for this. I needed to hear it.
God, I can’t even tell you how much I relate to your description of your initial relationship with your supervisor. It is so difficult to ask for help, especially when we seek not only help but approval!
Good on you for asking for help! I enjoy your videos.
Thank you for this video, I really needed to hear all of this ❤️
bruh you're literally doing something that very few people in the world have the smarts or perseverance to do, you should be hella proud of that!!! I wish I was smart enough to do something like that! keep up yor hard work 😊
PhD can be horribly isolating, it is SO important to build a support system in whatever way works best for you. Working in a vacuum will do more harm than good, and in my experience, the best work stems from collaboration. I’m glad you’ve had this realization now as it only gets more complicated! As a 5th year PhD student (US/STEM field) I can say it doesn’t necessarily get easier but you get better at handling everything through growth and learning 😊
I also feel passionately research and scholarship should not be reserved for only those at the top of the ivory tower. There’s no need to gatekeep! You are absolutely an academic and a scholar, even if you weren’t completing a PhD. Researchers come from all backgrounds and it’s past time we recognize that so stand your ground - you belong here!
Yay your getting through this process! This was also very helpful for me! The whole PhD process seems like a nightmare lol but a dream to be achieved none the less! ❤ Good on you I'm so happy to hear your endeavors! ❤
What a heavy burden you’ve taken off your shoulders! I can feel your sigh of relief here! So happy for you! 🤗❤
Thanks for these insightful and honest thoughts. I have an interview next week to get on to a PhD, and was looking for interview tips and advice and stumbled upon this video. Thank you, because I already share a lot of the fear and anxiety you describe. It is very helpful understanding how your approach and attitude changed and the positive effect this has. Thank you, I'm going to keep this in mind as I go to the interview, and hopefully begin a PhD.
you were definately too hard on yourself! it is obvious youre a very intelligent woman with lots to offer. I’m glad you reflected and realised that. As someone who has completed ten years of university (no phd though) maybe as women we devalue ourselves when really we need to be proud of our achievements.
As someone who hates asking for help I am inspired by your bravery. Amazing work! Thank you for your vulnerability and best of luck on your academic journey ❤
Thank you so much!