Is This Sharing Your Emotions or An Adult Tantrum?
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- I feel like there is a much larger discussion to be had here about how toxic masculinity has left so many men emotionally stunted to the point where they really do think that this is simply "sharing their emotions."
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"I won't let myself"
Well... You nailed it my dude, work on that. No one else needs to fix that for ya.
What a goob
Yes, that part made me raise an eyebrow. Like is your problem that you cant move on ? And then you procede to say you wont allow yourself to move on ?? My dude you are causing yourself the problem.
@@Zoli-7658 - riiight? He's causing his own problem but he wants to make it someone else's issue... 🙄
She's all he wants...well not really....don't you want her to actually care about and want you?
She's not the one. You HAVE to move on, we all do when someone doesn't want us.
@@loadsotroubleforyouliterally like a kid throwing a tantrum.
And what's the next question you'd ask?
If a woman wanted to be a single mother, she'd go through an adoption agency to get a child, not date a grown man who acts like one.
Told my ex when I wanted a kid I'd get a whole ass man and make a fresh one without getting his half-baked ass from his mama. Emphasis on "ex".
Yeah! Right on! And yet…
The statistics show that the vast majority of single mothers are not single mothers because they adopt children. In a society in which innumerable forms of contraception are readily available-including abortion until about five minutes ago-women have continued to birth children fathered by men who are not suitable for relationships. Do you have any insight on why they keep doing that?
@@notconvincedgranny6573 That is a completely valid life philosophy. Your username is granny; is it safe to assume you found a whole ass man and are responsible for two generations of emotionally healthy humans?
@Newnodrogbob women are not psychic. Stop blaming women for men fathering children they do not care for. How about men who are unsuitable for relationships or fatherhood use contraception or stay celibate.
Of what you were saying were true, logically, the inverse would have to be false. So if she didn't want to be a single mom, she wouldn't have 4 kids by 3 different fathers. Yet that scenario is downright common - I e. Repeatedly dating men that don't take responsibility for the children they make with said single mom. Women date and have children the state has to pay for with men (and herself) literally every day and twice on Sunday.
He’s also kinda blaming the women to an extent. His inability to move on is something he can work on. That isn’t the responsibility of the woman he’s trying to move on from
Didn't sound like he wanted to move on but rather force her to be with him.
@@isabrom5295 Exactly what it sounded like
"I'm immature and ruined our relationship with me inability to do therapy and work on mental health... This is your fault somehow because I'm perfect."
That's what I hear from him.
right? like it's called processing your feeling, figuring out WHY you're so hung up on this person, what unmet needs you now have that they were serving, or what they fulfilled for you that's lacking. it's doing the work on yourself so you don't feel like you NEED another person to "complete" you.
those are all actionable things that you can do for yourself.
but blaming someone else for your inability to move on? that sounds like manipulation to me
LMAO I love how much mental gymnastics females do to beat down on men they never met irl. It's scary
If you think it's okay to warp your sadness into anger before sharing it, that's red flag behavior from any gender.
Exactly!
The only time anger should be shared is when anger is the thing wrapped up by other emotions.
@@underthedice1231 that’s not right. It’s perfectly appropriate to share that you are angry with the person/people who made you angry. You can express that you are angry without bellowing and flailing your hands around. Angry and aggressive often go together but they aren’t the same.
@Newnodrogbob So... you wrap it in being other emotions to not be agressive. Because anger by itself is aggressive
@@underthedice1231 If you don’t know how to separate anger from aggression, that is a *massive* problem.
What sane people want is an _exchange_ . I tell you what I'm feeling and why, and you tell me what you're feeling and why. I don't scream, you don't scream, unless we're screaming for ice cream.
Yes this is exactly what should be happening
Teehee, love the reference :3 I need ice cream 🤔
What about screaming for Pie? I much prefer pie over ice cream
Very good paradigm to go by. And you know what, the ice-cream might even help with taking a breather.
Met an old sweet lady one whose husband was some sort of mediator dealing with family trouble. And she said he'd always have a basket with sweets ready for when things got a bit heated to introduce a break before worse things were said. She told us about that after she'd been the only one courageous enough to step up to a very, very angry father yelling at his child in a train. And boy did she work her charm on him.
As an insane person, I also want the same thing.
Men: * Acts like this guy. *
Women: "Please open up about your feelings, and deal with them, instead of just screaming like a an angry toddler!"
Men: "Give me what I want or shut up!!! I would rather speak to a tree!!!"
Women: * Leaves and tries to find a man who is able to behave like and adult! Warns other women about this behavior *
Men: AAAAAAHH! WHY ARE WOMEN DOING THIS TO MEEEE!!! SOOO UNFAAAAIR!!!
Yeah this isn’t at all the reason I pick the tree.
I pick the tree because I trust nobody with very delicate information, and I find I solve problems better myself than hope someone is delicate with me when I logically explain stuff to them when 99 times out of 100, they’re not. It’s not just women, it’s anyone who I don’t trust having a high level of empathy and listen to what I say. Otherwise a tree who doesn’t talk back is better. But like I’m authentic and emotionally available, and emotionally intelligent around people in the areas I’m willing to show and nobody seems to have a problem with it
@@Csrracing2960 I hope you find some friends and companions you can trust your softest heart with. It's good to know when it's not safe, but we as humans are not designed for isolation. You arent alone and trustworthy people are out there
@@Csrracing2960 I can completely relate to this. We humans need to learn how to communicate better.
"ThIs Is PeAk MiSaNdRy"
You nailed it. And they distrust eachother and won't share with eachother emotionally.
Like yall don't even like EACHOTHER, but women=bad.
No exactly. They say women lose respect when men “open up,” but it’s not opening up, it’s throwing tantrums. Yes, we lose respect for that.
If this is a tantrum you haven't met my mother
It may not be open enough for you, but throwing a tantrum is also a way of opening up.
@@Kaylor-xo3oo Found him.
@@Nerobyrne Correct and I don’t want to.
@@missinterpretation4984 if you don't understand that for many men, behaviour like this is the only way they know how to open up, you're part of the problem.
I think the response is pretty interesting to this whole debate.
Men were getting mad at women choosing the bear, but women were happy men chose the tree.
Society is fucked.
I have three sons. We have a ritual at dinnertime of sharing stuff that happened during our day, and sometimes we switch it up by naming an emotion we felt and what brought that on. All of us benefit from that exercise. My husband gets to model it for them and he's no longer part of this lie that he "doesn't show emotion." Anger is an emotion, dudes. Let's practice other emotions.
I can guarantee you that this man has NEVER had anyone who did something so cool.
What makes me sad is that his behaviour is the direct result of toxic masculinity, and the comments on this video are just reinforcing it.
That is a really good exercise (or ritual) that you have there 😊 How old are your sons? Do you find they're mostly happy to talk about their day or is there reluctance?
@@CadPlaysGames commenting to hear any follow ups!
@@Nerobyrnethe comments on this video are NOT reinforcing it. YOUR comments on this video are reinforcing it.
Yeah, also I'd add, for anyone reading after, cuz I'm sure you already know this, but anger is a good emotion, when it's directed properly, in a healthy manner, nobody is saying don't feel anger ever. If you have a reason to be mad, you should get mad, anger is what brought on a lot of the most positive changes in the world, anger is what leads most protests. But it shouldn't be used to lash out in violence.
Put simply anger is a good emotion that should drive you to act, without dictating your actions.
So…without context, this appears to be a man speaking to a woman (not present) with whom he used to have a relationship, but the relationship is over. After the relationship has ended, you don’t tell her about your feelings anymore. You tell your friends, your family, a therapist. Anyone but her. Because she’s not going to be the one to help you get over her.
It may also be someone who never wanted a relationship with him, and he's angry he got "friendzoned" when he made a move.
I kind of disagree. While yes you generally do be wanting to be leaning on the other people in your life for support, telling your ex your piece to finally lay the relationship to rest can sometimes (emphasis on the sometimes) be a good thing. Oftentimes it's better to just move on.
@@jambott5520 yeah, but this guy "won't allow [himself] to move on"
so whoever she is doesn't need this guy screaming at her.
@@jambott5520I was going to say the same. Also, depending on the status of the relationship (are y'all still talking at all? Friends) there may be a role in her still offering some support. I mean, not if you're screaming like that really. But sometimes you do continue some sort of friendship, and also the other person may have some words to help the person put things into perspective.
@@uoughta923 My ex and I stayed friends and essentially helped each other rebuild
Last time I told a woman my honest emotions, I got prescribed antidepressants. My life has been SIGNIFICANTLY better ever since. Tree can't do that.
Yeah weird how honest emotions actually gets you somewhere productive, as opposed to a manipulative tantrum 😂 I'm proud of you dude 👍
The woman was a psychiatrist?
i mean... Hypericum perforatum also known as St. John's Wort is an antidepressant... not a tree.. but aren't plants just small trees?
good for you. i'm glad things are going better for you
I did not see that trun coming 😂😂😂😂!
I am so glad you are doing better and it worked out so well!
That's emotional blackmail at *best*, holy heck.
How did you type that and think you should post it?
@@Nerobyrnewhat else is this then? Telling someone you won’t allow yourself to move on because she is all you want is a form of manipulation
@@romyjane17 no, it's desperation mixed with lack of relationship experience.
At least that's what it was for me a long time ago. I don't know this guy.
If he's being genuine, it's deep hurt and also confusion about why it's coming from someone you love.
With no experience, it seems very overwhelming. But later he will hopefully look back and see that this is just a normal part of life.
I've seen one comment on this video about how parents can teach their kids to properly examine and handle their emotions, but especially older men were never taught this.
@@Nerobyrnecool story still throwing a tantrum
@@Nerobyrne Instead of demanding women teach a man who is very capable of harming or killing them on youtube here, try starting a support group so you can teach them how to manage and express their emotions safely, since you are further along in that journey. YOU aren't the target of their anger, therefore, you as a man, are more able to do this without endangering yourself.
Hint: If the only emotion you're willing to share is anger...we'd rather you didn't share.
Anger? Anger is no biggie. It's the unbridled, out of control rage that gets scary.
People can share anger without making someone fear for their life.
But they kinda have to be taught, or see a good example.
Right like anger is a valid emotion but if that’s the only time there is any kind of vulnerability to an extent then that’s not a fun experience
@@Nomen.Monniker Exactly
😂
Period.
Acts like my sister's ex husband who kept threatening to kill himself so she wouldn't leave him while he cheated on her. Years later still acted like the victim after doing a ton of horrible gas lighting and backstabbing to her, me, and friends.
If the only way you can express your emotions makes the people around you scared of what you might do. You need therapy. Not someone to date.
Exactly, especially since he's not 'expressing his emotions' he was upset and trying to dodge the consequences of his actions.
...or a stay in a closed psychiatric ward. Not a joke and said with fearful love.
wait is that my ex from highschool?! i broke up with him (again and for the last time) after the 3 time cheating and he kept bashing his head into a wall until my mom kicked him out of the house!!
Yeah that’s definitely not sharing his emotions. That sounds like textbook manipulation. Maybe try a different tactic, my dude. Like, TALKING instead of screaming. And not flailing your arm like that. It’s giving off “I’m in danger” vibes so…
Heck they are ways to communicate by screaming that are safe and non threatening. This obviously isn't it.
it probably made her glad she broke up with him and made her even more sure she made the right decision.
That video of the guy throwing a tantrum about not wanting anyone else and refusing to move on is scary. What kind of malice will he think up to try to bully her into coming back? Probably the reason she left in the first place.
He won't, that's why he's getting so mad.
At least, that's exactly where I was before I learned to deconstruct the toxic BS that society pumped into my head.
I would never hurt the person I love, but I also didn't know wth I was supposed to do.
In my mind, we were perfect for each other.
But in reality, we were a terrible match 😂
I'm so glad that I have people in my life who put up with my BS, which allowed me to grow as a person.
The car yelling dude probably doesn't have anyone like that.
And because he lives in America, he probably can't get therapy either.
But you don't know that. I'm glad you got help, but just because you wouldn't hurt someone you love doesn't mean the guy in the video won't. Plus, that's not love. It's infatuation. He says he only wants this one person. That seems possessive. While it may feel like love and it may seem impossible to move on sometimes, real love is wanting what's best for that person. If that person doesn't want you back, they'll never be fully happy with you, so it's best to let go.
@@fanime1 Yeah that video is like the precursor to someone getting attacked because the man feels entitled to them....
I bet that if it was a woman who screamed "I CANT MOVE ON! I CANT MOVE ON! I DON'T ALLOW MYSELF TO MOVE ON! BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL I WANT!!!" until she was red in the face and veins were visible in the neck, I'm sure like guys like Mr Orange Shirt would mock her, call her pathetic, crazy or bunny boiler, for not being able to move on.
And make Baby Reindeer docudramas out if it😂
As a grown man I find him both scary and pathetic. Pathetic because he acts like a toddler, who has been told he can't have the "toy" he wants.
Scary because he looks like he is capable and willing, to take what he wants by force. I think the woman in question needs protection, he fits the murder-suicide profile, and he's likely to have a gun.
If I was his X and someone showed me this clip, I'd be moving in with a friend same day and seriously considering how to plan a move to another state. He's not safe, but she probably already knows that. The whole thing is an example of why the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship, is when she's trying to leave.
💯
sad but true
It's about entitlement. When you say 'share emotions' to someone who feels entitled, they hear 'if I show a big emotion, I will get a women to do things for me'. Sharing feelings is not for building honesty and intimacy, it's just exploitation by different tools.
I like you! You worded this very well! 💜
i just gotta say, i read your comments ALL the time, on SO MANY videos, and your takes are always 100% spot on. I don't know you, but i think you're awesome.
@@bottomofastairwell Completely off topic, but your username/handle is absolutely gorgeous. That's poetry right there.
Nailed it, at least in the case of this video. I think one of the big problems with social media in general is our discussions lose nuance. This goof does not represent every man who has shown emotions only to get dumped.
That cleared a lot up for me!
Silver lining: he just made the restraining order process MUCH easier for her.
Good point!
I also wanna point out that the dude said “I can’t move on” and followed it with “I won’t allow myself to…”
It’s literally that meme a while ago where that bicycle guy shoves a stick into the spokes of his wheels and falls down because of it
You’re so right. When he said “I won’t allow myself to” I’m like well you gotta start to allow yourself to bc it’s a problem that is lasting longer bc of him. I understand that moving on is difficult but you gotta allow yourself to do that
you read my subconcious 🤯🎯
I think to them it's losing to move on when it wasn't their idea. I sometimes feel like they are more mad that she left them before they left her and now feel like she's beaten them. It's all stupid but just what I've seen.
@@matthewcharles9813 I completely agree, being broken up with was the one thing they didn’t have control over and it’s a huge blow to their ego.
@@outdoorscholar6016it's a big shock for them, because you never expect your possessions to get up and leave.
Screaming until you are redfaced is not being vulnerable or sharing emotions...it's just being intentionally scary to get her to run like hell or say yes in case you have weapons.
Weapons have never made me want to cater to anyone. All that does is tick me off worse
@@cynthiacrawford6147 I'd say the same except I know that I got very quiet and able to say yes when in the car with a guy with a bad temper and a large knife he kept under his seat, he also had automatic door locks and had child locks on them so he could trap me in the car.
Luckily nothing that bad happened but I knew it could disintegrate very quickly.
@@polkastria well ive had kni ves and g uns put in my face and it only en raged me. If I d ie I d ie. It wont be fe aring a control fre ak that's for sure. The thing with acting cra cra is make sure were not more cra cra when in fight or flight mode.
@@cynthiacrawford6147 well I'm very happy for you that you had that experience and you came out of it okay. That's not the case for all of us.
@@polkastria well I was willing to d ie instead of being controlled. Thats not as easy as you are hearing it. Our choices shape our whole life. I see so many wo men that live in fear of everything. To me that is not even living. Wo men deserve to live and have a semblance of happiness. Teach our girls to see red flags before its a ditch fire.Abu sive people avoid non tolerant people. Were not worth the aggression Ive learned. Same with bullies its not worth it to bother those that wont back down. They choose their type. The ones that will put up with it. I hope that you have a great life with much happiness. You deserve it. It should be yours.
Tantrums about how important some think they are, are still tantrums.
Crazy acting man screaming in his car...is not boyfriend material. Period. Full stop.
Yes because when a man sees a video of a woman screaming in her car, his immediate thought is "I would so date her!" *sarcastic eyeroll*
@@tonyschannel7438 If either are acting crazy out of control and scary angry, why would anyone want to date either one?
Both are red flags. Run, lol.
@@tonyschannel7438 sure but this post is about the actual video being discussed.
@@tonyschannel7438 It goes both ways, my dude. No one is in here saying that a woman doing this would be considered "girlfriend material" either. No matter what gender you belong to, acting like an immature child that doesn't know how to properly express their emotions is 1000% a turn-off.
@@pangyagirl036Um. You obviously didn't read the first comment on this strand.
YES! 'Sharing your emotions' does NOT equal 'bullying with tears!'
My ex-husband would “express” himself to me like this. Hence the description “ex-husband.” It is not alright to speak to anyone like that!
All i hear and see is red flags🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Showing emotion and how you show emotion are two very different things.
Also vibrating in rage, screaming, red faced, and three times my strength? Yeah no.
There was zero healthy communication. When I get this mad I go for a walk or run, get the spitting mad out and then return calmer to TALK about my emotions and thoughts.
It's actually great advice to take a few minutes break to let the adrenaline go down then talk more. The fight or flight is no longer active.
@@matthewcharles9813
Exactly. And my fights way stronger than my flight. So I don’t want to be in someone’s face being a menace.
I can’t stop being angry but I can control my actions.
I think even therapists don't want to deal with that. I'm sure they are trained well, but I'm also sure they'd still be terrified if a client yelled at them like that.
yeah, therapists aren't up for this sh!t
He really thought he was doing something other than waving red flags?
Your comment is a red flag.
@@Nerobyrne no, you
@@fanime1 real mature
@@Nerobyrne Your childish statement deserved a childish response. Don't complain about the natural consequences of your actions.
@@Nerobyrne Bless your heart for thinking it's a good idea to comment on someone else's maturity after your initial comment.
Now run along dear and go bother someone that might actually give fuck about you or what you think because I sure as fuck do not.
Hows that for a red flag?
Speaking to "poorly written movies"--women are looking for emotional vulnerability like Mr. Darcy in 2005 Pride and Prejudice, not Christian in '50 Shades'. I hope this helps.
in what universe is Pride & Prejudice 2005 poorly written?
Mr D'Arcy was ideal. Moving from being unable to express any human emotions at all, to extorsion them very belly, to being able to put them into writing, to showing the feelings he'd uncovered to imprudent his mind and character, to acting on them. He became the person he always was, but externally as well as internally.
As did Elizabeth Bennett of course.
@wayfaringspacepoet 50 Shades was poorly written, not P&P
This feel like some people just never learned that sharing and venting your feelings are completely distinct things. Having emotions boiling over is natural, especially if you are someone who tends to bottle things up, but you neither need or should expose others to your raw emotions if you can help it. If you really need to vent, its better to just do it in private and then find someone to discuss your issues once your mind has cleared up.
I thought this video was supposed to be an illustration of what many men see as the only outlet for emotions.
If he uploaded that as a serious video, I'd diagnose him with terminal toxic masculinity 😮
Oftentimes I find venting in private just builds up the emotions more. It's a tough situation to be in, letting the emotions explode on someone is usually a bad idea, and tempering them slowly is not easy.
The real answer is therapy. If you at the point where any sharing of emotions could lead to a huge venting you should probably be in therapy.
A lot of men would just read this as "don't share emotions".
@@jambott5520 too bad most people can't afford it 🫠
As man who has been recovering from being completely emotionally numb for multiple years, I think it's kind of harmful to say never expose people to your raw emotions. I think it's important to let people know just how much something is affecting you, so that they can understand the severity. That being said, DO NOT take it out on the people you're talking to. If you need to take it out on something, write out down, yell it while you're alone in the car (not to the Internet), tell it to a tree. And then, when it's not explosive and you're not going to hurt someone with it, talk to someone you trust.
(I don't have a lot of experience with anger tbh. I learned to carve that emotion out of myself, partially because of men like that and my father who are genuinely scary when angry. I had been completely emotionally numb from terror and severe untreated mental illnesses. Even now, I struggle to feel anger, and when I do, there is always a kick back of self-loathing.)
This isn't telling women his feelings. This is him screaming in rage that he isn't getting what he wants. In children, it's unpleasant but they can grow out of it. In grown men? Someone with the strength to hurt me when they throw these tantrums? That's terrifying.
This dude has the impulse control of a toddler.😬
some toddlers do better...
seeing him just made me deeply uncomfortable and im not even there in person. like okay but why do you have to say it like that, you look red in the face and it looks like viens are popping out. to whoever he hasnt moved on i would say run not walk away.
Great one! I really do wonder what some of these guys “see in their head” when asked about showing emotion. I hope it’s not this, cuz you nailed it that this dude was scary and manipulative.
Its not this. Its sharing feelings of inadequacy hoping for support.
I am a man and most men I know agree. Most of them have also had the experience of being told to "man up" in return, and also having said insecurities thrown back at them. Please don't use videos like this to dismiss the larger issue, you wouldn't accept that the other way around.
As for my part, I'm glad I'm bi, because it took me dating a man after many attempts with women to find someone I feel like I can be open with.
Again, treating women like property they decided to own no matter what, as if we're a car or a house, not an actual human being allowed to not reciprocate their romantic interest.
The bar is so low, yet they still find ways to fail meeting the lowest of standards.
No one likes to be told they're wrong, but you don't stop being wrong by putting your fingers in your ears and turning your back. You're still wrong when there's no one there to call you on it. You stop being wrong by growing and changing, and stopping those wrong behaviors.
Even a bear would back away if she saw him sharing these emotions to a tree.
I feel like so many men are just children- in the sense that because they were never taught how to talk about and handle their emotions, they just respond to how they feel without thinking clearly. The problem isn't that they don't know what to do, but that they refuse to acknowledge that they don't know. A lot of men really need to be taught and explained to with patience, but they don't want to be treated like children so they just respond to that with anger.
I think it's sad that most men feel the need to bottle up their emotions until they explode in anger and frustration. But you cant blame women in general for that. Talk to a therapist and learn to have a healthier relationship with your emotions. Don't drag other people in your life into that
Agreed. It's a whole culture of dismissing boys emotions instead of understanding and guiding them to healthy ways of dealing with and expressing them.
We all have a part in that culture and a tiny little bit of power to make a change for the better by being that one person who is safe to talk to.
It's often men who have caused this
Think of all the toxic masculinity out there
I will say testosterone is fucky with emotions either that or the lack of estrogen is. It makes it harder for people to feel certain emotions.
This doesn't make possessive rage right though
Sometimes, you need to scream in your car, get it all out - and then MOVE ON with your life. Get help, advice, a therapist... this isn't something to post on the internet, angry car man.
You ain't even gotta do that. Way better ways to get out anger exist
I think it's a man expressing deep pain that he doesn't have the mental nor emotional skills to unpack. These feelings are so overwhelming to his system that all he can do is scream out. And his brain is just adding words because it's the best story it can come up with.
This is a man who needs help in learning emotional regulation. And who feels so unsafe and unable to provide for his own needs.
He's unable to actually see his partner as an independent person who deserves her own life and choices, but instead as a vessel to give him what he wants/believes he desperately needs.
And that's the real tragedy of this isn't it? They don't learn, and some even have an aversion to anything that would help, so the cycle continues in pushing others away.
I don't know anyone who would hang around a toddler they weren't responsible for if they were throwing a tantrum. Give the kids and parents space (unless specifically asked by the parents, but that's another topic). And if that toddler were about 200 pounds, it would be terrifying!
Yet it seems so many men can't see the problem and choose to blame others. It's like generational trauma but across entire societies.
So he wants his mommy …
@@clairealderwood1928 yeah, exactly! He wants a safe place with someone who doesn't judge him. Probably only his mommy ever gave him that. It's very sad, to see someone who didn't get a real opportunity to develop beyond the age of 2 on an emotional level - as that was likely the last time he was able to allow himself to feel his full range of emotions - in a very unstructured and painful way. In a way, it's almost like a baby who every time it tried to do more than crawl, was mocked and ridiculed and maybe even beaten. So now they're an adult, still crawling. And everybody is just judging them for it.
He clearly doesn't need his mommy, as she's been part of the problem - just accepting his misbehaviour instead of teaching him ways to emotionally grow up. He does need a safe space though, to learn to feel his full range of emotions and process them. A tree might actually be a good place to start ;-).
Nailed it.
He doesn't see a partner as a person, but as a possession, and that's why he's so mad his possession left, because objects don't do that.
@@castrinecubique983 Yeah, you are absolutely right here! It's so sad how men haven't yet collectively been able to free themselves from the illussion that was sold to them: that women are not actually full equal human beings! And we all have to pay a price for this. Part of patriarchal structures is letting men accept hierarchy by allowing them to be above women. Partriarchy (and capitalism) literally is the model for pyramid schemes and multi level marketing. And this whole hierarchical structure in partriarchy can only work if people at the top dehumanize people further below them. If they truly let themselves feel what they are doing to fellow human beings, they'd be emotionally destroyed.
This is just one of the many symptoms of a system that doesn't serve humanity, but only people at the top. And not even them, because look at how messed up they are... not capable of any healthy human relationship anymore.
Just a note as a therapist: I’m all for everyone letting out their feelings in therapy, including the “ugly” and “scary” ones, and I’d rather someone bring those things to me than to others in their life! But I do draw a boundary when it comes to clients screaming at me. Therapists are people too, you don’t get to scream at your therapist just because you’re paying them to help you unpack/cope with your emotions
💯. Maybe spend some of this energy tiring yourself out with a solo physical activity before having the emotional discussion if you've turned your bottled up emotions into a pressure cooker. You'll have a better chance of having a real conversation instead of an explosion, as well as reduce the chances of DV...
Yea emotional vulnerability and emotional availability are said in a calm way, this guy is just emotional dumping and has no control over himself, or is just plan manipulative.
i mean it doesn't have to be calm... but angry is definitely not the right way... generally you should not make someone have to fear physical violence or any form of violence when talking about anything
Having a tantrum is normal. Break-ups hurt. Saying illogical stuff like "i won't let myself move on" is pretty par for the course. You look back on it later and roll your eyes and maybe cringe a bit.
You don't broadcast it loudly to manipulate your ex and her social group then act proud of yourself.
Right, and this is what these men don't get. It's perfectly fine to have your feelings. It's fine to rage in your car every once in a while and get it out. What's not okay is insisting that how you feel means the other person has to act a certain way. And it's certainly not okay to use your emotional outbursts to manipulate others into doing what you want.
When you demand to be with her against her will you don't even like her! This is not love or vulnerability, this is indeed a tantrum.
I am reminded of Pantera lyrics. " I would kill myself for you....I would kill you for myself."
That’s a great song and very appropriate for the clip here.
I think this is the only thing most men think is letting g your emotions out. My OS will NOT listen to me what so ever. No matter how many times I talk to him. The only time he listens to me is when I get angry and yell at him. Only THEN does he listen and then accuse me of never just talking to him. So, after that first time. I kept track of every single time I did talk to him first before I blow up. He had no words when I was able to pin point each time I did talk to him about it first. And that I yell and get angry because it is the only time he actually LISTENS to me. But he gets mad at me and hurt when I say he doesn’t listen. When he doesn’t.
I think a lot of men are incapable of understanding that you can just, talk, about your emotions and not lose control of your emotions. I think to many of them, unless you are melting down over your emotions and pouring them out with the melt down, you aren’t experiencing emotions. Which this comes down to emotional immaturity. This is how toddlers act. Because they don’t know better.
What happened after the first time you marked it all down? Was there improvement?
Wow this is exactly how my spouse is. Unless I completely freak out he doesn’t take anything I say seriously, or forgets I said anything at all
Guys can be mad, but can you find a more constructive way of sharing it? How would they feel if someone started yelling at them? Isn't one of the things guys hate is being yelled at by women? If you're angry or upset, take a moment to cool off and put your feelings together so you can clearly communicate and maybe find a solution.
But in this case, there's nothing you can do. If the person no longer wants a relationship, you just have to come to terms with it. Take your time to process and grieve and heal, but don't go psycho over them.
That's the real scary part: he doesn't see her as a real person, with rights and individuality.
He sees her as a possession that must be returned to him.
Didn’t you know… women aren’t allowed to be angry. That’s the impression I’ve always received.
Its the screaming that goes too far. There are much better ways to express feelings like this. That doesn't make those overhearing it scared for their life.
If he hadn't recorded himself screaming I could just have written it off as cathartic release, but obviously someone was meant to see his tantrum.
He could share that feeling. Without the yelling and threat of violence. He should also be able to accept that a woman isn't obligated to reciprocate that feeling. Just because he isn't allowing himself to move on doesn't mean she can't move on and that his feelings don't give him the right to intrude on her life.
Talk about your feelings. Understand them and take responsibility for them.
If a man thinks that throwing a tantrum and yelling is the same as being open about their feelings… that man is NOT worth any form of relationship.
I will not be yelled at.
That's one of the men I'd pick the bear over
☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝
Pretty sure the bear would be scared of that guy too.
He gives off a very violent vibe.
@@castrinecubique983people really don't realize how passive bears are. Id rather be 10 feet away from an animal like a bear than 10 feet from smthn like a hippo.
Prey fight for their lives. Predators won't
I'm a therapist, and I have worked with men who act like this, and they think this kind of outburst is 'expressing emotions'. And then they're confused and hurt when they push the person away more and they bottle up even more. I (kindly) correct this misunderstanding, with a lot of empathy. And then we get to work/coaching. You gotta figure that many men have gotten ZERO guidance on expressing their emotions (or what emotions even are), so they're REALLY bad at it. And some have gotten no therapy or assistance with a myriad of traumas, including physical abuse. And you're right, it's terrifying to see. And not okay. It takes practice to move beyond the binary of happy/angry. The screaming guy has a lot of work to do, and yes, not be manipulative and coercive..which he is being. And until he figures it out, I'd urge any woman to steer clear of someone who acts like this! But all that said, I feel for this guy. He seems utterly clueless, and hope he gets help so he can one day enjoy all the joys a healthy relationship can bring.
Why are men always so emotional? And why is their emotion usually "angry"?
Yep, the only emotion most men feel is anger. EVERYTHING is a reason to be angry…🙁
If someone is screaming at you that they won't let you go, you buy some extra locks and set up security cameras. Maybe buy a huge dog.
Oh my G! That's not opening up. That's terrifying, traumatizing, triggering,... after that I would not want to be around this fella ever ever ever again! A guy did that to me once and I the only thing in my mind was: "he's crazy... we don't even have that amount of intimacy and connection for that level of desperation... that's not normal".
Geeeezuz... opening up is communication, is talking about experiences, expectations, dreams, fears, happiness, plans... that's not vulnerability... that's borderline madness!
Men, if women consistently don't want to be around you when you open up, it's possible that you are opening up in an unhealthy way. Therapy is absolutely a good option for this. If you can't afford therapy, you can try reading up or researching how to be vulnerable, and how to be respectful.
Thats really not true, from personal experience. Maybe I'm jaded but all women I've dated have ended up cheating on me after I have tried opening up to some insecurities. Was always used against me too.
And before you dismiss me, I'm dating a man now and it's the best thing ever, never felt so accepted and cherished. I can be open and honest with him and only feel our love grow from it.
I could never do that with a woman again, maybe it's trauma, but I just couldn't.
@@VoidplayLP It's also possible that the issue is your choice in women.
When you share your feelings with another person you are supposed to describe them. Not lose control and act them out. That’s why it’s called talking about your feelings. If you feel the need to act them out there are lots of self help books that will suggest ways in which you might do that safely, alone or with a friend who you agree certain limits with
Just because therapists are being paid does not mean they are objects you can just rage at like what this guy is doing.
Yeah..... If as a man you won't move on because you don't want to move on... YOU are the problem and the reason I have to mention the wrong city any time I talk about where my little sister lives and works.
Not because I enjoy lying, but because a boy she met in middle school (over 20 years ago) won't stop stalking her and trying to force himself into her life. No amount of saying they didn't work as a couple or as friends ever works. She's flat out told him she never wants to see or hear from him again. But he won't stop, because he doesn't want to.
Because I love my sister, I will continue to lie about the place she lives to strangers, just so a crazy man doesn't track her down and try to force himself into her life where he is not wanted, yet again.
That's terrifying ! 20 years... He's wasting his life on someone who doesn't want him, while causing terrible misery to someone he claims to love.. that is so far removed from love you can get.
I wish someone genuinely empathetic told him that he had the right to move on.
First of all, Professor, your hair looks amazing in this video. Secondly, that’s all I have to say.
I know this is about men, and your content focuses on the treatment of women (love that!), but I just want to say us ladies should do our part to make sure we aren't doing this to our partners, as well. Respect is a human thang. ❤
Love you. Love your content!😊
I think there are some real stories of women that don't react well when their partner is vulnerable. Empathy and understanding is something everyone can work on.
@@alex_blue5802absolutely. These men aren't like this just because of other men, but videos like this are used to dismiss any criticism towards women.
I'm actually dating a man now and I can be open with him in ways I could never be with a woman after my experiences with them.
You are 100% right, unless (and only unless) this video is a precursor to a better conversation. Emotional release, even if its angry screaming in your car, can absolutely help with the processing of difficult emotions before confronting the issue directly. If you need to scream in your car in your driveway before you get up to have a proper adult conversation with someone you love, thats much better than letting all those emotions out AT the person you care about. But yeah, journals and therapists are good for this too.
Yes! The whole point of _”sharing”_ your emotions is so you can let the other party know how you feel early on _before_ things get out of hand. That helps everyone involved avoid seeing emotional outbursts like the one we just saw. The kind that makes women choose the bear. Having an emotional outburst isn’t _sharing_ emotions; it’s brandishing them.
People seem to think that if their anger/emotions urge them to shout at people, then they are allowed to shout. This is not true. Control yourself. Do not intimidate people. Because that's what shouting is in this context, it's intimidation.
At work recently, a member of the public shouted at me, they were blaming me for something i didnt do, and i could have offered them advice on how to have their problem solved, however i asked them not to shout at me and they said no and kept shouting. So they got zero sympathy from me, I did not help them, and then when i recounted the story to my coworkers i called them every name under the sun. Don't shout
These men should see Inside Out, 1 and 2, to learn about emotions. 😅
For a long time after being hurt by a past relationship I couldn’t talk to anyone, I just wouldn’t let myself feel anything…indifference is the worst feeling. I had a job after that working with livestock, they seemed to listen to me and all my dogs/cats did too. I finally met the angel that married me and is mother to our son. Finally learned how to open up to someone as an adult
To the people criticizing women in the comments: When men like this behave like this, people either get stalked or hurt. It’s danger that women are reacting to in their comments, meanwhile some of you want to pull up and try to guilt trip them for not being more empathetic. It’s wonderful if you are in a place in life where you personally don’t find this remindful of when you were subject to entitled rage, but women have a long and deep history of giving men like this their sympathy and their effort. And paying dearly for it.
We’re not mocking him to kick him while he is down, we are signaling to other women how they actually should view this behavior instead of trying to romanticize it or feeling guilted by it. Telling us to be more understanding in these scenarios is frankly toxic advice.
Women should run instead. This is not excusable behavior, it doesn’t matter what circumstances brought him here. He is not misunderstood or in need of pity, he’s a full grown man capable of both taking himself to a therapist and capable of hurting others. Don’t gamble just because society tells you it’s a woman’s job to fix this.
The second someone tried to pull me into this debate, i said I'd rather them go find the tree. I'm genuinely not here for their emotions, that's what their families and friends are for. The idea that we need to receptive despite actions taken is just... No, thanks.
And since men always jump my shit, let me remind you: I want you to find the tree. I am not the solution.
I’m 45. Been married, divorced and remarried. Been married to the second one for over 15 years. I’ve decided that if I’m ever single again, I’ll be remaining that way… because of the men I know only having the emotion of anger… and not realizing that women get angry too and that it’s okay to express without acting like dude screaming in his truck.
There is being open and honest about feelings, and then there is screaming and kicking and failing to use your words like a grown ass adult. Mixing manipulation and anger into the same pot and then pouring it all over people you say you love, like you would with boiling water mixed with sugar. This sort of shit, this right here?
This is why me and my 5ft 3 ass shuts down any overtures. There is all of one man on this planet I fully trust, and it took me 20 years to find him and another 10 to properly trust him coz of the damage the others did.
That's not vulnerability, it's a power play
Im concerned for the safety of the woman who ended that relationship with him. I hope she has a restraining order.
the father of my child (who wanted to force me to have it before i made my decision for myself) started to stay away from home as soon as it was born, so after several months i asked him if he thought it would make sense to stay together when we didn't even share a bed anymore. I tried to stay as calm as possible so my child would still be able to see him if it wanted to. The next day we had an invitation to his parents, he drove, and all of a sudden threatened to kill us all by driving against a tree because I had suggested to separate ... (he never considered to change his behaviour...) this video unlocked the memory... 18 years later
The key words that he keeps repeating are "I want." Yeah, it's what YOU want, personally. But he's not entitled to what he wants; he's ESPECIALLY not entitled to the affections of another human being.
This just gave me flashbacks to a couple of weeks ago when I was picking up something and a guy was in his car repeatedly calling someone on speaker while screaming "you did this to me" with his windows open. I felt bad at first but ngl it quickly turned scary and I couldn't help but feel bad for whoever was on the other end of the phone not picking up.
Men who can only allow themselves to express anger are so scary. Why don’t they get that?
Acting like that in a therapists office can absolutely get you fired as a client. It happened to my brother who is also very likely a narcissist, or some other cluster b disorder.
When you scare the bajeezus out of your therapist, they have no obligation to continue seeing you.
What was the reason for the breakup?
What were the issues in the relationship that led to the relationship dying/falling apart?
Why won't you let yourself move on, or why do you feel you should get back together?
These are the questions that one should be answering, when asked to SHARE, not just bursts of emotion with yelling and a refusal to accept the situation.
This is very triggering. My brother and father do this: Explode with rage. 0 to 60 in less than a second. Usually when they're frustrated that what they're doing (something else) is not working. I grew up with it and it is very scarey. This is not emotional maturity/sharing/appropriate. This is intimidation. This is an emotional toddler.
My brother's girlfriend called me because she was scared he would hurt her. I tried to tell him after they were no longer together that he was too scarey but he shut that down and wouldn't even consider it was possible. And he's been in therapy for other things.
Guys this is toxic behavior, not sharing, not mature, not acceptable. If this is you: Go directly into therapy or anger management. Seek professional help.
A person who needs the most love, a lot of time, will ask for it in the least loving way.
He’s hurting. It’s sad (I don’t like to see anyone in pain) but it doesn’t necessarily justify the behaviour; just the reason behind it- sometimes. There’s a reason they broke up (& that’s valid). He need to find someone he can talk to honestly.
Hope all who happen to read this are having a lovely dae/night/life!
Peace ☮️ in && out✌️
I want my husband to be less guarded with his emotions. If he was just angry ask the the i wouldn't want him to just be angry AT me all the time. That is what therapy is for
I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Do you mind me asking how he acts and I might be able to give a little thoughts on it?
I had to go to a therapist for anger issues after my mom and gf called me out on it. (Wasn't always like that but built up over a few years of issues even though I'm good with expressing myself.)
@@matthewcharles9813 first I want to say he won't go to a therapist, I've tried. He had a bad experience when he was young and swears them off. He's just very aloof a lot and if u ask him he is is he says fine. If he admits he's a little down if you ask him if he wants to talk about it he says no. Just imagine the stereotype of a depressed 17 test old boy but without the anger and he's 37!.
I think he feels unsafe expressing his emotions.
Is there a sport he enjoys watching? I think asking him about how he feels when his favourite team wins etc. could be a start. But what do I know. And I would also say you shouldn't mock him when he expresses himself. Wishing all the best to both of you.
@@Kaylor-xo3oo we've been married for 16 years, I would never mock him if he expresses himself. We talk about things like what happens on wrestling and he sends me clips of it. We talk about what he's doing and projects he's got going on. I just mean I would like for him to do more than say he's down, I would like for him to say "I'm down because of x and y. I feel this way"
@@bec7080 Well. Have you ever talked about what he feels like when his favourite players lose or something like that? Btw, this is just an amateur suggestion. Treat it like that.
“I won’t ALLOW myself to move on!!”
Why not? Your ego can’t handle rejection? Sometimes you don’t get what you want, that is life. If he was fired from a job, or told he does not have the finances to get a bank loan for the Ferrari he wants, then having a tantrum about it is not going to get his job back, OR convince the bank dude to give him that loan. This isn’t how you convince people to change their minds. This is how you convince them they were right to reject you. Don’t do this to ANYONE, ever! The door of opportunity has closed dude, all you are doing is convincing them they should LOCK that door shut- and maybe hire some security.
Women shouldn’t be upset they choose a tree, would prefer a brick wall though. Women have been on the receiving end of mantrums and some have paid with their lives. Just watching that guy lose his temper got me nervous, I’ve personally seen what can happen when they get to that level.
I have a friend who used to have a big crush on me in high school. When I turned him down at the time, I basically told him "You have to try and move on from these feelings because I don't feel the same way and I don't want to lead you on"... and he just responds with, "Well, I don't want to move on."
Had to keep him blocked for a while. Some time went by, our mutual friends have managed to reconnect us and I can (sort of) safely say that we're on better terms
Still.. back then, it was really uncomfortable hearing that.
I’m glad that my friend accepted and moved on. When he professed his love for me I replied, “Ok. You do know that I don’t feel that way though, right”? He said, “Yeah. I know, but thought I’d get it out just in case I was wrong.” We’re still friends and his wife is an awesome lady.
I mean, I had a loved partner die rather tragically. This is what it’s like for a little bit before you stand up and brush off your pants. Grief is hard and it’s ugly.
If it is indeed grief he was expressing, then I agree. The fact that he could only express that as anger is a bit of an issue, but for now, whatever. If, however, he was talking to a girl that rejected him, that's incredibly problematic.
For the record, I have not seen the original video, so I genuinely don't know which it is
@@stomyn I don’t think he’s talking about death, but I’m not comfortable telling someone their grief isn’t real. I don’t know his story. If the worst thing that happens to someone is a hangnail, then they are experiencing the worst world all the time. I’m not going to make fun of or belittle.
@@michaelwinter742 I’m not going to actively belittle his feelings, but I’m not going to entertain or look favorably on someone whose only way of communicating his feelings is screaming. That’s what you do in your bedroom into your pillow , or out in the middle of nowhere. You scream when you’re not addressing other people. When you’re addressing other people about how you feel, you talk.
@LeBatteur like screaming at trees in the middle of a forest, for example.
If that's the only way they are gonna share emotions, then yes, they should 100% stick to the trees.
@@stomyn Expressing grief without anger can be debilitating. Not everyone has the opportunity to just lay down and grieve. Ultimately, the financial system is a huge cause of the issue.
Yeah, "sharing your feelings " doesn't mean "go ahead and scream at me."
It's fascinating to listen to how much you understand pretty much anything... Or maybe we just have the same values... Either way, great stuff ❤
I think the proof is that if a woman posted a video acting the exact same way, thete wouldn't be loads of supportive men in her comments either. Toxic is toxic.
Yep. She'd also have women saying things like "girl, seek therapy"
Genuinely triggered a fight or flight response when he did that. You don’t need to scream to share your feelings. If you need to scream you can do it away from other people and not post it online.
The sad thing is, even though this man is screaming, those feelings are so valid. If he just doesnt scream while expressing them, it would be very very easy to empathize and connect.
This is a great example of how not all men are cool, calm, and collective than women. Also, this shows that women are not the only ones who are "crazy." (As some men call women).
also a result of western culture teaching men that the only emotion they have and is allowed to express is anger, which is another great example of how the patriachy hurts men.
It's unfortunate but this is why people say that patriarchy harms men. Under patriarchy we are really only allowed to be "angry" or "horny". Certainly not "fear" "sadness" "anxiety" "inseurity" "depression".
I don't think it's primarily on women to fix it. But it's helpful to understand it. It's really on all of us to dismantle and deconstruct it for everyone's benefit.
And to be clear, this is the water we are all swimming in. Whether intentional or not both men and women uphold patriarchal standard for both what men and women "should be". This left-leaning bubble doesnt reflect the thinking of the average person.
I can only speak from personal experience, but I've never had a man make fun of any insecurities I shared with him. I can't say the same for women,especially left-leaning women.
Using videos like this to dismiss harmful behaviour isn't going to help anyone.
That poor boy doesn’t understand that the inability to move on is something he has to address within himself. He needs to learn to grieve personal loss. He needs to understand that his emotions are ruling his behaviour, that he is capable of so much more. Self regulation is so important, and for more than just romantic relationships. I hope that this explosion of emotion was a moment in time for him, that he can work past his pain and find a healthy way to continue past it and learn from it
The tree doesn't deserve that. Trees have feelings too.
Aaaaaand why are you screaming that at me like it's my problem.