There Are NOT Two Sides to a Narcissist: The One That Was Nice and Other That Was Mean
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2023
- The Illusion of Two Sides: The Nice vs. Mean
Narcissist
Have you ever found yourself longing for
the "nice" version of a narcissist, hoping
they would return?
Do you question whether the good
moments in the relationship were genuine
or just a manipulative facade?
Are you ready to let go of the illusion and
gain a deeper understanding of the true
nature of a narcissist?
If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - profile.php?...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
CZcams - / rawmotivations
This actually makes things a little easier, realizing you didn't actually lose a wonderful person. That person was never there.
I love this. It's normal to grieve the relationship because to us it was real but eventually I hope everyone that suffered from these demonic people come to this realization. Towards the end I realized there was nothing more to say and when he would act like a monster I would smile and say to myself "Thank you for showing me who you really are." When you accept the truth the verbal abuse and head games will motivate you instead of hurting you. even if you're still having moments where you start to get drawn back in they will remind you oh here they are. Don't resist it. Embrace it. when that time comes they are at their weakest because they can't hide the truth any longer. if you think it can't get worse you're wrong. a narcissist that is losing control and desperate will think to new lows and do things you never thought possible so try to not be arrogant and feel the need to speak your truth because and they feel they have nothing left to lose they will do anything to bring you down with them.
Falling in love with an illusion sucks. None of it was real, for them. Isn't misrepresenting yourself prior to marriage some sort of crime?
That’s correct. They were a ghost, a figment of our imagination.
@@recoveringsoul755 i wish it was. That’s why you should know a person for a long period of time before going deep under so coming out won’t be as hard.
@@n0426 I tried looking it up. There is some stuff about defrauding someone for financial gain. He lived free in my apartment four years before I paid for the wedding, honeymoon and majority of down payment on house even though he earned more than me. Now he's taken everything . Theft is theft. My clothes don't fit him. I had no job, still don't
The nice one is there to keep you in the relationship when the mean one shows up. They’re both evil.
It's the bad guy pretending to be the good guy. It's an act.
I called it “The Show”✌🏼
@@WhAtThEgUcK Do you really think that's what we're talking about?
@NaePie-tz8fo Though that can happen, it is not the nature of a narcissist.
Sure is an act.
The good guy act always happens when there is an audience present.
It's not just men. I do have a male neighbour & 2 ex husbands like that.
Women do it too.
Eg. My female neighbour & my sister & my mother.
They pretend to be good & fool a lot of people.
When they switch to "good mode"............
I always wander how long they can keep up the "good act" for......this time !!
I have found the "good act" usually last from a few hours to a few weeks depending on who they are trying to fool & draw into their web!
@lucindasavona2278 good guy/bad guy is just an expression.
Who they are in the end is who they really are.
Narcs core disability is no integrated sense of self and so spend all their life searching for it;
But it is where they won't look, cause that is where they put it as a very young child
🤔
I totally agree with you. He'd never have got a girlfriend as his true self.
When the curtain the skilled actor will direct the stage hand to fetch some 🍩 and ☕️ whilst the audience is wiping tears from their eyes or still chuckling
When the mask drops that is the real person.
I agree and accepting that is HEARTBREAKING
The person I wanted was the person he was with everyone else except me.
My husband of 3 decades did the same to me, he wasn't violent or anything like that, he is a covert narcissist, but he always seemed to be more thoughtful with others, I felt that I always had to beg for breadcrumbs. I am planning to leave for good, I do not want to waste the last years of my life with him. I finally learned about narcissism and have woken up
Funny you say that. We ran into someone my narc worked with who stopped her and gushed to her about how helpful she was to her and how she would be forever grateful. I mean, this lady was beaming. As soon as the woman was away my narc went on to say (I paraphrase) how much of a loser this woman was. So yeah, I guess we get to witness the sincere and true individual after we get broken in/down, and everyone else only sees the facade. I mean, I guess that's intimacy of a sort 🤷♂️ Good riddance to these people.
They do it on purpose to make you jealous and chase them and please them. It’s all about them. Save yourself the headache is not worth it.
They also play that show with other people... They are great actors... (So they simple play the nice guy to get what they want.)
After u come out of it, it feels like u been living in this dream state world 🌎, like, what happened 🤔 to the person I met!!! All makes sense now, thanks for sharing your videos 😊
They act 'nice' when they need something from you.
Don't give them what they want 🎉
Yep. I learned that many years ago, I just didn't realize at that time that it was narcissism.
Do you know they switch back and forth?
Yes. Especially the passive-aggressive covert narcissist.
OMG I was trying to figure out which my ex was!! That's it . Passive aggressive
Covert 😂
Yes, my narcissist coworker is like this, the sweetest with Management
For me, going through this was waking up to the reality that there are actual horrible people out there-people who deliberately and shamelessly manipulate you to get what they want. It’s the stuff you see in movies, right? You don’t ever expect it to happen to you. I was going around assuming people are honest and true, and I never thought of myself as naive; I just thought I could tell the good ones from the bad ones, and I never thought a good one would turn out to be the worst one.
They weren’t real. We lost nothing. Learn from it, love yourself, and start looking forward to meeting The One. Stay strong, everyone. ❤
Feels like being hit by a ton of bricks, can't understand this horrible disorder.
I agree with you.
It was a horrible shock & wake up call for me too!
It's made me lose faith in humanity.
I used to believe there was good in everyone........ I don't anymore.
I cope by choosing to believe that the bad ones who fake being good are not human beings.
Thank you! I agree 💯! I thought if you are kind to someone in general they won’t want to hurt you. Now I know that is not necessarily true some see your kindness as an opportunity to use and abuse.
After nine years of him, I've decided
I'M the one ~ ❤
I'm 58. I can't risk ever going through this again; I lost myself for years.
So, Me.
I am The One.
Deliberately and shamelessly manipulate others to get what they want…That hit like the pressure on a submarine hull that was engineered incorrectly.
My ex-husband changed forever one month into our marriage. He was a totally different person. I came to realise that he didn't change after marriage. He was pretending to be nice before we were married. Afterwards, he dropped the mask. He never reverted.
I’m so sorry that happened. It baffles me that it happens so quickly! And that so many hold up the illusion until marriage.
Mine changed when we were more seriously looking at buying a house together and I started to move in with him. He changed briefly when I moved back out, but then straight back and even worse when he realised I was too weak to leave him as I kept going back and fixing the things that he broke.
Back before I knew what a Narcissist was, I naively described my ex husband as a generally "nice guy" who would sometimes lose his temper and behave badly. It took me far too many years to understand that the A-hole part of him was actually the "real" him and the "nice" him was what he pretended to be. His default mode is A-hole and the older he got, the worse he got. After many years of him threatening to leave me if I didn't do this, that, or the other, I called his bluff and said "that sounds good to me, get out". I've had 8 years of peace and quiet and only wish I would have done it decades earlier.
Happy for you your story sounds like mine
I just got divorced from my narcissist husband. He was the nice guy till we got married, then he shifted to a verbally abusive jerk. We split up a few times & he would come back as nice guy only to shift again. Finally enough was enough
It’s soul Cushing Ben! It’s like the person you loved died and there was nothing you could do about it at all.
So true😢
I think I'm going to set aside private time with just myself, with old photos, objects, whatever...and actually have a funeral for the man that my young bride wrote about in her diary that she so missed, confused as to where that man went, so hurt by the "new one" and all the times she tried to reconcile her distorted reality with her intuition. I'm going to remind her that she did nothing wrong! 💔 Then we are going to bury him together, cry together in closure and rise stronger!🔥 Blessings to everyone experiencing this very complicated grief.😢
Very true😢
Exactly. That! My experience. Much healing to all here. Healing took me five years because it opened up all the sorrow and anguish felt in my soul inflicted by my parents cruelty as well. YOU WILL HEAL BUT YOU NEED A TRAUMA INFORMED THERAPIST. MANY HUGS FOR YOU WHO NEEDS AND ACCEPTS THEM. I NEEDED MANY MANY MANY.
❤️
I said to the Covert narcissist, " i see you act like you have confidence and then I see you act like you have no confidence. I said I think you have at least 2 personalities. He said you're right, and they both hate each other!
Oupf. This landed
This is the best 12 minute, Come to Jesus moment for any codepend Narc victim can watch.
My ex said 1 yr ago: “Once I figured you out and realized I could manipulate and control you, I know what I would marry you.” That was my exit! I navigated the trauma bond and CD - now I am free.
This was mind blowing to me. I've asked this question for a long time. For those of you still in these relationships, please leave now, don't wait. I've been in one for 27 years. I feel like he took my whole life from me and I'm seeing the effects on my grown children who are repeating the pattern with abusive partners.
I think you can have PTSD after the narcissistic experience. I know I am not the same. I don't think you can get there without therapy. Too much to unravel. I don't think I have ever been this close to pure evil. Terrifying.
Absolutely! Triggers, depression, confusion, PTSD … it’s real- work through it with someone who knows narcissistic abuse!
Dr Ramani says it is more than PTSD she calls it CPTSD complex PTSD because they effects of Narc Abuse is very specific and unlike anything else. But education on it is the fastest track to healing.
@@criquethamrick7255I've found that feeling the feelings, even though it's extremely painful, is the best way to heal, as well as education. ❤
I was raised in a family with diagnosed NPD.
I have been diagnosed with CPTSD - as 6 other stress disorders/autistic/ADHD..
As well as was bedridden/housebound for a near decade, due to severe adrenal issues preventing proper surgical healing, which, I had Cushing’s Syndrome, due to excessive cortisol exposure, leading me to be morbidly obese in my teens, and getting bariatric surgery at 19; while surviving Munchhausen’s By Proxy, at the hands of my “caretaker” mother, this last decade, after a corrective surgery gone wrong, back in 2013.
The stress has caused my adrenals to be so wore down - I started early perimenopause, last year, at the age of 34.
I don’t even know if I’ll ever have biological children, now.
And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, with the health issues I have, as result.
All of my health symptoms started before the age of 6.
You can absolutely get PTSD from involvement with such.
Oh I know u can! I isolate so badly becuz I hate everything that's what being married to a Narcissist will make u become I feel like a Narcissist becuz I neglected everyone becuz of depression.
This is soo good! I dated a guy that i just knew he was a narcissist! He was sooo nice to me at the beginning and then started to slowly attack my character and be little me. I drop his ass like a bad habit! Ain’t nooo body got time for that 🙅♀️
@itskaykibabe6231:
Nobody has time for that bullsh-t. They are total creeps! Who can't be themselves? That's like a plan that always goes wrong, and there's no plan b. They they can't help themselves but show how sneaky they are. That monster in them can't wait to expose them - that monster is just dying to get out!
Fantastic! That is the great thing about us educating ourselves about those busted fools, we can spot one a mile away! 👏👏👏
You GO girl!
Yes. We are empowered.
I did exactly the same thing..learnt my lesson after married to a narc..can't believe such people actually exist...I believe theyve opened themselves to be used by the devil
So interesting! My ex as I was ending the nonsense he knew I was starting my discard of him, he said that he wished we could go back to how it was at the beginning of when we met. I now understand he was saying that he wished we were at the stage where I thought he was a great person and I had not yet seen through him. Fascinating.
This is really me right now. 39yrs into this marriage. Your videos really help me. This video hit hard today. 😢 I get it. Thank you!
True, she was always hot,cold. Didn’t know which person was getting.
So true, everything they initially were was simply a means to an end. Just think of all the many nasty abusive times, seems to have lasted way longer than the good times. This real person is the one who lasted the longest, which means he's an abusive predatory person, that targets empathetic people, to get what they want.
As my husband of 12 years discarded me,he said he faked loving me the entire time💔 gut punch.
This was very helpful
Awe❤that's heartless* has nothing to do with you** it's all him- karma♡ Live your best life now lady❤️🔥🦅
@@redfeather4452 ty❤️🙌
coward- my ex said similar chicken *&(*&( stuff
My husband just told me something similar. It sucks we have a baby. Ugh.
@MyOwnPersonalFantasy oh wow,so brutal. I wish you and that little one nothing but goodness and healing ❤️🙌 The Narcissist masks are really falling
Being kind is just to get what you want. There isnt a nice version. Its an act.
This was profound… Straight to the point when you realize the person you fell in love with never really existed. It makes it easier to step back and say what am I fighting for. And get the hell out. The roller coaster of emotions that come with these relationships it’s not worth it at all. I would prefer to be alone. Thank you for your absolutely amazing video and thank you for putting yourself out there, and trying to understand your own issues as well.💪💖
I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
I learned this lesson the hard way. I wish I had heard this many years ago. If I had, I would have left him. Thank God my prison sentence was commuted when he died.
It is so sad that it boils down to that. I sympathize...I have been living this for 44 years... 6:13
I feel like one of the if not the biggest hurdle for me right now is accepting the Jekyll and Hyde are the same person. My husband can be the most loving and affectionate, very helpful and supportive person, yet I’ve caught him doing the online cheating thing a million times.. he put his hands on me once in a big argument.. he can flip a switch and it’s like he’s a completely different person. It’s like he leads a double life, hides money, lies about things, yet he can treat me during good times in the way I always had wanted to be treated. But at this point I can’t ever bring up feelings or concerns of mine without it ending up in an argument, defensiveness and gaslighting. I just cannot wrap my head around it. I have my gut telling me to just get our, course I’m terrified of the aftermath, but living disrespected under the guise of being cared for and “loved” is like torture.
It's called bread crumbing. They give you enough good to lead you to believe that we are back to a happy normal. Then they snatch the rug from under your feet again. Over and over again. Reclaim your life hon. You don't deserve this abuse.
I’m sure hoping to sooner rather than later. Makes me sad, so I avoid even thinking about it when possible, until I can financially support myself! Thank you for your kind words! 🙏🙏
@@PhantasmicEther you're very welcome. Sending you big hugs! Your day of happiness will come!
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, I still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but I just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
@jaypritchett3414 wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do I reach her?
@jaypritchett3414 Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up now online. impressive.
@@juanderuano8969Sounds like a scam to me.
You have to stop this obsession. Let's be blunt here. Female narcissists screw your mind and your body. She will do you so well your toes will curl. Do you know why? Bec it works! You fell for a cartoon character. She's not the person you thought she was. Let. Her. Go. Block her on all social media. Move on with your life. You are staying in prison. Set yourself free. The key to the cell is in your hand.
@@juanderuano8969to Come on. You've been taken in once. Don't be taken in again. Hard tho it is, you are trauma bonded to your ex. But, you can work thru it. Make that your aim, rather than trying to get your narc back, where it will be Groundhog Day every day 👿!
You can move on and be happy. I was discarded after 6 years of a relationship with my nex and father of my child, I felt hopeless and had low self-esteem. It came to a point where I had to acknowledge that he was never going to change so I got into counseling and I've been on a healing journey for a little over a year now. While healing I've felt so much peace and joy! It's there, you just have to choose YOU!❤ While preparing for a bumpy road ahead.
This is the hardest element of surviving a narcissistic relationship. When my n-ex left me it was like he completely switched personality in the 30 mins he took to tell me he was leaving to be with another woman. He became a cruel, callous, unrecognisable person who laughed at how distressed I was, and he wasn't even willing to speak to me after 27 years of marriage and telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was with our life just the evening before he left. I was stunned. Slowly, I realised that I never knew the real him at all. His behaviour with me for all those years was just an act and the method he used to completely control me and also hide behind our relationship. I had seen glimpses of the real him, but had rationalised them away as him being a bit eccentric. I now know that all I really know about him is his name and who his family are and where he worked at different points in time. The rest of our life together is just a 30 year empty space in my life.
Your comment really hit me. Me, too. The hardest thing for me to come to terms with has been that I lived a decades-long lie. It's devastating. I never knew my spouse, and he very craftily denied me any access to who he really was.
Several years ago in the middle of the night, I walked into a room where he was on the computer. I was shocked because he was uncharacteristically niceto me. My detective work later discovered a secret account with romantic emails with other women. Four years after divorce, he is still in my dreams and he is always nice to me.
He is! And so is my ex narc.
Never gonna get the person who Copied your likes t o get you to like them; back.
That person is you.
That means the new supply will face the hell too like me?
Yes do not fear no one is getting the 'best' of them for long
Yes. I was the new supply and believed everything she said about the other guy. Now I completely understand why the guy walked away devastated. It's only a matter of time. These folks can't have a good close relationship. They will nuke it every time.
@@RyanOlsenthey turn completely wicked at the end
Oh this makes me cry, I kept asking where’s my prince ?? But he was gone… now I’m gone 🙏🏽
The good/kind/loving person is a manipulation tactic to get their needs met, but they are never satisfied, so eventually they will resort to abuse to try and get you to meet their needs. They are a bottomless pit of needs that can never be met.
I will never go back to the way it was in the beginning! Got it! Thank you Ben, this is something I never understood.
When the mask fell off and the horror was displayed, he looked like a different person. Maybe the scales fell from my eyes but my oh my... he looked so ugly. A distorted human being, spurring out vomit. It has been years with cognitive dissonance and I was trying to get to this understanding, myself. It hurts. Because who I was has had to die, too.
I appreciate the hard to hear truth. That person doesn't exist. Going back in my mind and watching my life playback with the narc ex is hard when you know this truth, but so incredibly helpful. Thank you for these videos, the app, all of it.
Very true. And the realization hurt. I spent 5 years bending over backwards, in hopes that the man I dated would reappear. But the constant yelling in my face, getting angry over nothing, double standards, putting me last took its toll. My now aware husband has been making consistent changes, but the damage has been done. I don't love him the way I used to, and my focus is purely my kids.
It's sad, yet abuse will destroy love.
Narcissm is a choice. It infects entire families. You have a choice: you DO NOT have to put yourself first ALL THE TIME just because everyone else on your family does. You do not have to be spiteful because your Mum is. You don't have to treat everyone who loves you like 💩 because that's what your Dad does. You don't have to make everyone jealous of each other because you're jealous. EVERYONE has to deal with shame, envy, and criticism. The way you deal with emotions is your CHOICE. Nobody has to lie, cheat, bully & manipulate anyone.
Honestly out of all theories of how a narcissist is made, choice makes the most sense..
@@evelynmwangi8624No. As a rule, the narcissists brain is rewired when very young, as a result of abuse or neglect. Brain scans of narcs have revealed differences between their brains, and that of non narcissists. So, to some extent, their self serving behaviour, lack of empathy, etc etc. is hard wired by the time we meet them.
Getting in the word of God is important too, truth not lies
@@nancyf2665 👈Bot
It's not a choice, it's a personality disorder.
I'll I can say going through the ptsd watching this from a young man trying to help yourself and others leaves me speechless... I'm seriously proud
You have described what my sixteen year marriage has been. He is divorcing me and is still gaslighting me.
A good friend has told me he will come back when he messes up and will want the life he had with me unfortunately that ship has sailed. I am angry at him but I wish him well and hope one day that he gets the help that he needs
Be careful ... love bombing the second time is far more intense! When they try to hoover, they'll pull out all the stops ... he'll say his eyes are now open, what a fool he's been ... you are so precious, so amazing, the love of his life!
May God be with you. I pray you heal and find true happiness, free of the heart and mind abuse!
@@DG-nk5nvYou are absolutely right!!
Happened to me just as you said.
Push and pull trauma bond has been going on for 25 years.
I’m not a victim but a survivor- uncovering and recognizing truths and getting stronger every day 🙏✨🙏
May God strengthen each of us as we walk in freedom ❤
They will never seek help.
They want dominance and control over their targets.
Not cooperation.
Don't go back. Go no contact. Save yourself.
Ben this couldn’t have been a more truthful video. But it hurts like hell! How can somebody be so mean and do this to us. I appreciate your words and encouragement. Thank you for making me aware of this so that I don’t make the mistake of going back to him. I never looked at it like this. But as I sit here in tears crying it makes perfect sense. You have a blessed day too Ben!!❤
Couldn't know what's going to happen next. Extremely SHREWD. Can't get rid of it soon enough!
I don't know why, but this video hits different than all the other videos, I've seen before from other channels, and where I learned a lot already. But this video made me sad in a way. It made me sad for my ex boyfriend who seemed to be a covered narcissist. I already knew that but I rarely felt so sorry for him and the truth he's living in. And I believe he will never be self-aware and nothing will ever change..
I heard that a relationship is supposed to be MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL . When my husband was lecturing me about something I did wrong , again, that was not beneficial to me. Im exactly at the point of realizing that my nice husbsnd is actually my worst enemy. Such a stupid mind trip !!
One of the best videos you have ever made. My wife done exactly this over 22 years. Wow!!! So spot on its unreal.
“It won’t. It WONT.” Thank you for telling people the way it IS. You’re doing good by telling the truth.
Omg…night in shining armor…he used to say this early on. I had no idea what I was dealing with. Optical confusion! I loved a man who never existed. Thanks Ben.
This was such a hard but necessary lesson that I had to learn
I was devastated when I realized the reality and hated myself for my part in the toxic bond
It made me take a look at myself and why I held on
I feel somewhat fried now and the idea of a relationship is a huge turnoff
Just need a rest after having the heart and hope sucked out of me
Its a romantic bullshit idea that love changes people
People with bad behavior bring it into the relationship and crush it
I did I really did, thought it could change..show or express it any and all forms but it was intense and pushed him away but I continued to persist until I conquered a bit of him. Before I knew anything about what narcissism was.. well im for that persistence, I made him "love" me, forced him into a "relationship".. I'm the cause of all, beginning and end, I did self admittedly cheat multiple times on him so when I got caught, confronted, then he had grounds and justification. I was in the wrong. I did hurt him and it was genuine. It was fleeting. It transformed. I played my part and not for the better. I know what I felt was a genuine love, strong, intense and unconditional. I believe I'll never feel this way for any other human
They do not exist. He physically hurt me on second date and said he was just playing . No it was the evil part. It exploded longer we were married . He always said, using pressure points, no mark no arrest. So dang true.
What he said is sooo true, I’ve experienced it all with my narc ex husband… a horrible, nasty, evil, cruel beast!!!
Yep, even told her i missed her and she was standing there right in front of me.
Been there. I told her she's been gone for three years.
The women you both talk about were sadly not there from the beginning.What you were seeing was an illusion,a fantasy.
That was brutal Ben. But true and needed.
He is very honest and really drives the point home
14 yrs man. The good guy was never real? I can’t get my mind around that.
It takes time. The cognitive dissonance can go back and forth for a while. It's manipulation and mind control so we need to hold fast to what is true.
You have helped me make a HUGE decision...at age 65 I finally realize I have worth and I WILL MAKE IT! It will not be easy, but it will be easier...
We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Someone said to me “no they didn’t turn on you, they didn’t change on you. What you’ve seen and been put through is truly who they are. The charm is a facade it’s to suck you in, it’s a mask”. Shew, that blew my mind made so much sense to me. Crazy. These people are crazy 😞
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
I figured this out ages ago, and in my mind put things to rest. Then your video showed up, and hoo-boy, didn't think it would still sting so much to have my conclusions confirmed by the "source"
Great video, I have a lot of respect for self aware narcissist’s who give us insight. I am aware of my own narcissistic traits as well and those around me. People need to get past the cognitive dissonance and stop being so socially naive.
Thanks for watching! Self awareness is an important first step in TRUE CHANGE>
This is one of the top 5, best videos I think I've seen! Thank you so much. Your content has been so helpful in helping me move forward. There are a lot of videos that explain what happened and decode how a person os treated. But this, this one I really need to hear. I think it's the last little part that rolls around in my kind, because they want us to have that doubt. Thank you Ben. Your words hurt sometimes, but having the truth and radical acceptance is so much better than the wondering.
Right 100% I’ve watched many since 2020 and this one is landing different.. deeply different. Even though I’ve heard it before. I think it coming from a self aware straight to the point.. on the surface non threatening “normal guy” is key. The entity I encountered fits this same aesthetic.
The way you clarified and said everything is so helpful. This is finally sinking in. The reality. The horror. It’s unfathomable on a certain level, and yet I know that everything you’re saying is absolutely true. And, painful as it is, since hearing your video I have felt a few seconds of relief for the first time in I don’t know how many years. I honestly cannot remember when I last felt even a moment of relief, I’ve been tortured for so long.
Empty vessels 😈💭🗯
Spot-On! My wife manipulated me for five years, even hid her addiction. I've never been manipulated so perfectly before but she was a total professional. Now that I know what she is these videos describe her completely.
That is a primary skill with narks - sad to say😕
I just left last week after 11 years and 3 kids. For good, this time. I have had such issues reconciling all of the information I have learned about what I have gone through with my narc husband, and this is the video that finally made it click that the 2 personalities are truly one human. Just one angry, unhappy human who lied and tore me down over and over and over again. I had always believed in him, and that he wasn't that ugly person underneath it all. I stood by him and tried and tried to work on myself, help him, everything under the sun to no avail. And now I see. I couldn't even come to terms with the fact that he is a narcissist until very recently. And every single puzzle piece fits. Plus alcohol. Thank you for putting your insight out there. It's very helpful.
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I believe the only way you can have the nice side back.... Is you have to be a raging monster that causes them to keep their tail tucked between their legs. 😂😂😂
Ben, watching your videos has really helped me get to the meat of what this is all about. It's weird though, because it's like I'm watching one of those interviews with a former car thief showing how easy it is to steal a car. On the one hand it is helpful, on the other it is disturbing. To know how much you violated others makes me angry and distrustful towards you; but if you have truly repented, then I sure hope you can continue to fight the ingrained urges you have to destroy others. I'm sure it has to be a real struggle.
SO unfortunately true!!!💯
Thank you for sharing this hard truth. This is absolutely, 100% my experience with my now ex husband. I couldn't get my head around this for so long. It's been long, hard work to accept the person I loved wasn't real. He stole 7 years from me. BUT, l've gained life changing skills- Boundary setting. Never to sacrifice my needs, values, aspirations, my life for ANYONE. Never let anyone alter my truth. Listen to my gut. Trust consistent action, not words. And if these things do not line up, no matter how hard it is or how bad it feels, let. them. go., sooner than later.
I know child psychology . You should do the story of Cain and Abel if you want the son's of Adam and Eve . Cain was very narcissistic jealous of Abel as well . Interesting story to cover ☺.
Cain was definitely the first narcissist in the Bible
@@NikkiGRocks4Everthat’s because he was satans son. No apple involved. Forbidden sex. Fraternal twins. Fig leaves covering their privates out of shame when they got caught.
Jealously kills. Just what the devil loves 🔥
@@NikkiGRocks4EverFirst narcissist is satan , first human narc was Cain 😳
@@mammabear4334 Okay. Are you going to say the first empath was God?
I have a feeling this guy i used to know might have npd- he did just that. Started liking the same things i was interested in (ex- went kayaking once and he made it seem like he knows how- when we got there, he had no clue what to do), super nice, responsible seeming, would make suggestions as if he was interested in me. But he would also say things like “i like to push ppl’s buttons and make them react” or “i like to test ppl’s boundaries” or “i dont think ive ever loved anyone”, etc which gave me pause, so he was very confusing. when it came down to it and i asked him to be straight w me, he threw his hands up, as if he was flabbergasted about where to go when he had already laid the groundwork of interest. Super frustrating, but i ✂️ that relationship once it became crystal clear he never intended to do anything w all his nice/flirty/i like you show. If it’s not me, it’s the next and the next and the next (he at least admitted that he is a serial liker and doesnt want to hurt me) 🚩🚩🚩never again! Crystal clarity from this point forward or it’s a hell no from me
It's an imitation game where they alter themselves and assimilate your traits so that you see a reflection of yourself. So you think you met someone really special that you've connected with, but its just a fictional character meant to mirror you.
I fought with this for so long that I had to force myself to accept that the ‘nice’ guy I knew died and i actually prayed the dead. Who he was in the end is who he really is
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My senior citizen narcissist acted liked he had a mental problem. He would switch moods, and promise things he wouldn’t follow through with. He would just stare straight ahead and not look at me. Don’t know what he was but I didn’t feel safe. Only a few months with him, thank God. Not enjoyable to be with.
I want to thank you Ben Taylor for your platform on Narcissists it's helping me out and to better understand it All 😌❣️
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The person i fell in love with doesnt exist, but then again i realised he was mirroring me, so technically i fell in love with myself. This made me see my value and i walked away.
They are just great actors!! Of which naive people keep falling for/to!! It's time to wake up!! Run for one's life from such people NOW!!!!!!!
This one really hits the nail on the head.
I feel ill .It went on for 15 years . Funny I was thinking about the old woman and the young woman picture a few days , I truly loved that person, It's downright sinful .
When he I stop giving him money - he started tell me I’ve changed, I don’t value him; duh - he lied so much I did not know if he even knew the truth himself!!!
The nice version - was just as Great as the Crazy version was hateful and deceptive!!!
After all those months that have passed I am now certain that the narc was just and only mean...
A therapist once said to me that my husband was a mean person. This truth has helped me deal with reality.
'Optical Illusion' is exactly how I saw my Fantasy of what I wanted my relationship with my Ex to be. I wanted it so much that I believed how I was treated badly by him wasn't real. Only last week did I actually feel both sid3s where I could differentiate between the Fantasy and Reality, and this happened for the first time after 3yrs of learning about Narcissm and Ben's videos. Because of the Trauma-Bonding I haven't felt it since, but that one instance gave me hope that one day I WILL be healed.
I DID IT I LEFT AN ABUSIVE NARCISSISTIC BROKEN SOUL!!
I couldnt afford to leave, so I set up my bedroom in the garage and worked on loving myself. ❤❤
Thank you, Ben. This is one to watch over and over. Thank goodness for your 7 day Escape Toxicity course and your Clarity Challenge course, both of which are very helpful.
Thank you! and Im glad those are helpful, you did great for yourself
what a great video
Ben you are the best on these topics and your really going to touch many many lives and be famous for this .
Your content is the most relatable and impactful GRATEFUL TO YOU!!
I appreciate that!
Thank you, Ben. I realise how confused we must have been growing up.
One minute dad would be raging, the next moment I had friends round and dad would go out and bring back a bucket of KFC for everyone (unrequested). Perpetually and constantly reminding me thereafter of those nice acts and 'what a good dad he's been'. I know I'm not alone in those experiences or the dissonance it causes.
Powerful Truth
I'm doing my first year of uni. Fell in love with a narcissist with Bipolar Disorder and only found out at the end of our relationship. He would literally ghost me for no reason sometimes or simply block me just to later accuse me of cheating and betraying him when i tried reaching out. He always told me he never wanted me but also didn't wanna let me go and he called me "his". Before our last time talking, he told me how much he had lowered his standards for me and how much he wants a better person who's more of his type. I found this lowkey amusing considering that he actually chased after me. He changed so much after that. What scares me the most, is that i always suspected that i was a covert narcissist because i displayed some traits,(but i try to work on them when i catch myself ) . I met him and all of that changed. I suddenly started adopting the anxious attachment style and i suspect it's because i felt overpowered by him and all this time I've been seeking validation.
Ben youre a blessing. Im so glad my algorithm directed me to you!❤😊
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I wondered about this all the time and still do even though I left the relationship over two years ago. This fact about them is so hard for your brain to reconcile with, it's something that can almost drive you mad trying to wrap your head around it. I longed for the lovely, kind, funny, loving and decent human being that I saw & knew he could be (or at least thought I did) then I got the cold, cruel, demanding, manipulative control freak when I wouldn't conform to everything he wanted. He'd flip between the seemingly two personalities at any given time. It's so hard to fathom and left me so confused unable to understand it and often in tears much of the time. I once heard it said that dealing with a narcissist like this is a total mindf*ck, it's the best description I've heard.
So hard to accept nothing was real. Damn that hurts beyond words. But I KNOW the reality of who he is. He's shown that consistently.
That he truly is that cold. Manipulative. All of it. But it's all RIGHT THERE.
But
HE didnt love-bimb or mirror. Hes a
Neglectful narc. No kindness,no compliments, never sweet or asked about my day. Ever. And told me he didnt CARE about my day or what I'd done at work, etc.
He has no interest, he said, in what orher people do, experience, feel, etc. ....
Wow. Really blew my mind that a human can feel that way. Even when i had Cancer in 2020 he said
" I don't want yo hear about it all the time either."
So.
I never got that love- bombing. He's always been ... Blasé about anything to do with me.
Anything other than himself.
So, Ben, I never got that fabulous version. Neglectful narcs are the worst.
Except for Aex. He was always all about That!!. Even though his junk doesn't work, and it's miserable for Me.
That was his focus, that was my role.
Hes both and none at the same time weirdly enough because hes mirroring partly but you do know theres a genuine human piece somewhere in there and it crushes you knowing you cant help it.
We need to have a larger conversation about these Alpha male camps and the statically put out variations in studies of " rising narcissism' which im sure is debatable but they dont often go to treatment so is immediately questionable. Whos talking about how to get it out in masses and trying to actually help this or do they just want to write about it while everyone sufferes.
It's not that they have no feelings for you, it's the usability of YOUR feelings that keeps them using you to fill their needs.
When they realize they can't keep playing you, they can't keep you trauma bonded and that can't keep you addicted to whatever you were attracted to initially, that's when they ask themselves "what use are you?".
At that point, that's when they get bored, or angry and leave. (If you're lucky, without violence or too much trauma.)
Honesty with themselves and accountability to others isn't easy but it's the only way to recover.
Either don't let them into your energy field (so you can stay healthy) or build a relationship only after knowing that this person can recover from addiction and trauma bonding.
You can't fix another person and you can't always be the support system to an addict.
Some do heal.
Some do not.
Figure out the price of your sanity. Know your worth. Love them anyway, but love yourself first. ❤🎉
I have wondered and wondered about this for years. Everything you are saying. It’s exactly what happened. I’ve waited and waited for 20 years for the original one to come back. They never have. I’m so devastated. Thank you so much. Trying to break the trauma bond. It’s so hard.
Sorry to say I don't remember that nice person to miss.
That perfectly explains it.
I could not have watched that 10 months ago. Great video
Thank you for being so real👍🏼
10:20 gave me the chills. People have told me they would have murdered her over what she did to me. I never considered anything other than that she was stressed and she abused me because she trusted me and it would ger better if just helped her more. She dumped me, and she was surprised when I took my clothes, the dog she cared nothing about, and I left. The next day she begged me to come back, promised everything she knew I wanted, and I refused. 6.5yr relationship, 5 years of obvious abuse. I’m uncovering things every day that I just dismissed, that showed how awful she was. Things like straining to fart on me when we’d have sex, and violently shaking me and screaming “I HATE YOU!” Right in my face when we were making love (only happened 2x but wtf!?)…the sex was awesome and frequent at first, then it went to the farts and then dried up almost completely…weeks-to-months without it but she’d make sure I knew when she was masturbating. Even when we first got together was a lie. We shared a room after I sent out an open invite to camp, when I went to look at property, and she pounced on me. I asked “is this just in friendship?”, she said yes…later she denied she ever said that. I felt obligated, she seemed so in love. I didn’t get the property but over the next year I sure spent all the money. At one point I broke up with her because she was messing with people who “were trying to break us up” and she’d go to parties that I was not invited to. She begged for me back, I said yes if we go to counseling…she agreed and then 2 weeks later denied ever agreeing and refused to go. Fast forward to 6.5yrs, 6mo in a new house, and 30mins after I fixed the last thing…she dumped me. Guess who has the house! It’s not me. She begged me to come back, bawled because she was not pregnant and couldn’t “trap me”, and I blocked her. Foolishly I did pull open my wounds with a couple of texts, but mostly just to show her that I have evidence of how horrible she was to me for when she tries to destroy my character. A month before she dumped me she started reaching out to the mutual friends she knew I liked, without me knowing, whom she had nothing to do with for years. I am thankful, still very wounded after only a month and a half, but I do miss the mask so very much. She found a giver and she basically raped me of my energy and resources through fraud…that’s how I feel.
Great video. One of the best I've came across, and I've watched hundreds of videos on NPD.
Excellent. All true.
Taking notes thank you keep it UP