There is no such thing as self esteem and How to negotiate from a position of strength
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- čas přidán 22. 09. 2018
- A great question and a better answer
Original source: • Lecture: Biblical Seri...
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I curate content (edit little snippets of wisdom from the original material) and by giving it an original take and a coherent narrative, it adds value to the original content, plus makes it know to new people.
"English is not my first language."
*speaks better than a good majority of English speakers* lol
Phillip Simfukwe seriously! The nuances in her question and the level of comprehension even in another language is incredible. Good job her!
I agree.
And if she's from Belgium,English is not even her second language, probably.
The fun thing about that is that the people learning English as 2nd language tend to be scared of using it(especially in a crowd like that :D ) but they do mind what they say. People whose English is 1st language don't care so they just spit out words... And I'm sure it's true for most of not all languages. Even me, I sometimes catch myself saying something not entirely correct grammatically in Polish but other people just don't care, they get the message and it's not really a big deal. I must say though that here in Poland when we write we tend to pay more attention to commas and grammatical structures whereas English speaking people... don't? I feel like those people don't try nearly as much to write correctly.
That's common for Europe with exception to a few countries.
"You can't negotiate with anyone unless you can say no;
and you can't say no unless you set yourself up with alternatives."
Most important sentence of the whole video.
Props to the BE girl, too!
Too bad that most of us don't have many options to begin with when negotiating....... that's where bluffing comes in handy
Thank you, im not going to watch it now because this bitch is still rambling on.
@@0ldPlayer I've read many childish thing this week, but this one takes the cake.
In other words, customer service slaves don't get to dream of negotiating, ever; simply put because they are prohibited the basic liberty of saying no.
@@frilink it's just not a true statement in negotiation, so you can ignore it.
There are plenty of negotiators that bluff their way to success.
I'm more impressed with how that young lady put her question in an organised way and connected all her points back to one place...
'it isn't how you feel about yourself, it's how you act effectively in the world'
This is where CBT comes in. There are thoughts as well as feelings.
So individualism is wrong and dualism and communism is right. I don't mean Marx comm. or modern socialism. I mean old native American (the whole continent) communism and socialism
As J. Peterson says:
" it's not about happiness. It's about discovering what you value and finding purpose." Now that is fulfilling and can lead to satisfaction - which lives just up the street from contentment /happiness lane.
@@Mecanotech depends what you understand with individualism and what you value value in a "tribal communism" which sounds more like anarcho communism. If people want power (want what they want - like people, addicted people especially, are "naturally" or psycologically) then that system won't work with the people of today, for without ethics such a system is doomed even in small group (as can been seen in small hippie communes..).
@Inebriatd 'how you feel about yourself' is individualism.. and ' how you affect the world' is comunism/socialism.
Meaning that individual things don't have real value by themselves but instead..m individuals need to relate or form pares to other things to be worth something... Also when I say comunism/socialism I don't mean the Marxist , and all of those guys... I mean in a more indian American way... The original one
The woman that asked the question is an AMAZING human being!
She said a rational argument wont move her forward which is true. Another way to say it is "How can you deal rationally with a world full of idiots". Answer: it is very difficult!
Rather the answer is to be competent and valuable and if others are too stupid to see that, they lose. If you are competent and confident(one stems from the other) you will be appreciated elsewhere. Being competent is difficult, but just saying it is difficult doesn't paint the full picture.
I heard she eats babies. I bet you feel silly for calling her an amazing human being now, eh?
@@craigr4763 hahaha
That is a very thoughtful, deep question. That lady has done her homework.
Vishal Anand Maybe its more of something that shes going through already in her life that shes relating to this all so well
I ffwd to him because her voice was so feeble I couldn't be bothered to listen. That tells you her problem.
I almost changed channels bc of her babbling.
some people in this reply section are so jealous and salty about someone who can articulate her words much better than most people who actually speak english as their primary language.
@@crowofcainhurst I so agree with you, one of the most intelligent questions I've heard being asked of him. Coming from a place of strength she nailed my interest. The critics lost me, impulsively slaying as they listen with their own ideas. Anyway loved the Drs reply.
I just flew in from the internet...
rubber ducky ...and boy are my fingers tired
I wish this was the #1 comment
She's a robot
You mean it just flew in from the algorithms of CZcams that you had set yourself up with by repeatedly watching Jordan Peterson.
@@viswavijeta5362 I mean here's a non-zero chance he exactly typed "There is no such thing as self esteem and How to negotiate from a position of strength"
She is right. When you try to stand for yourself and your right , poeple who run the game always find a way to turn things against you.
Always is a very strong word.
@Inebriatd and you sounds like "M..F.." that has no mercy on any kind of human being.
I think u did not listen to her carefuly, if u did u would undrestand what I meant. And it seems u are the kind of a person been taken everything in Butt other wise u didnt have to be rude and angry.
@Inebriatd lol dude you are delusional.
Inebriatd, you probably think you sound cool or worthy of respect, but to sane people you come off as delusional and a bit crazy.
@Inebriatd you dont sound very mentally stable dude.. Telling other people they seem "Inferior"? "like prey"? "your blood in the water"? That you were "Raised to never feel powerless"?.. It sounds like you are just projecting.. How would you really know how you were raised to feel or not feel? If you claim to "never feel powerless" then you have never done something truly out of your comfort zone have you? Like how can someone who strives for growth "never feel powerless"? everyone feels powerless at one point in their life, in order to grow as a person and become stronger you have to put yourself in situation outside your comfort zone, a situation where you are powerless, and then you have to recognize that you have no power in that situation but still conquer it eventually, even if you fail a few times.. Feeling powerless and failing is part of growing.. So if you "never feel powerless" then you havent grown much.. The road to having power is started in a point where you have no power first..
i want to thank the Left for exposing JP’s brilliance in other topics besides politics
great point
JP is actually a moderate liberal. He's a dying breed.
ive never heard him talk politics
@@michaelcarney2975 maybe the opposite ?
@@michaelcarney2975 he's not liberal... That's not to say that he's conservative.
He's more nuanced than that.
He goes meta. He sees the merits and pitfalls of both. He knows he is conservative in certain areas and liberal in others.
"You Don't negotiate with the lion when you have your head in its mouth".- Winston Churchill
I'd argue that's probably the best and only time you should consider negotiating with a lion
@@bongley6062 lol. Winston Churchill wasn't that big of a deal, so I don't know what's all the fuss about this that quote. It's stupid.
Bobby Frahmand yes!
he said that before or after he bombed civilians?
Never surrender
To build self esteem, do esteemable things....
That's probably the best and easiest way of remembering this important lesson, thank you!
Amen! Its earned by decition, taking actions and be all in and pushing forward, consistancy, getting good results. Results and only results will build your self steem not the other way around!!
@@erdftzghIs that picture really you?
I'm so thankful my mother pushed me on despite my panic and fear.
Have courage, everyone, and happy new year!
Wasn't you mother who put the same fear and panic in you? You were definately not born like that.
@@elyzium Honestly, I think I naturally have a more anxious disposition. I'm prone to more rumination and imagining catastrophic outcomes, though with mindfulness, therapy, soul searching, and working on the fears it's much better.
Some people are born with a propensity for more anxiety, even if it's only visible in conjuction with something in the environment that magnifies that propensity.
The fact that this man can answer an almost 3mins long question,😳😳😳
Just brilliant....
"You can't negotiate with anyone unless you can say no. And you can't say no unless you've set yourself up with alternatives."
It das not work in marriage negotiations. Divorce is extremely devastating alternative.
She is brilliant with her observations.
I think what she's asking is 'does the desire to play come before the need to rest [in self esteem]? If so, what should I
play at?' And you're right, she asked a good question.
And yet...she has great self-awareness and objectivity but she seems to be crippled by wanting to be spoon-fed solutions (Tell me master what should i do?). Smart but indecisive and lacking in judgement / confidence to do things based on her observations. She was borderline pushing a victim position of "But the worlds not Rational, tell me how do i cope?".
@@mwnciboo That's not how it works. It's impossible to determine to what extent she's done research on this. She's asked for an opinion regarding something the other individual has much more knowledge about. Anything else is just fetishizing drama, conflict, and the general desire to find the worst thing about someone - all things which you've ascribed.
@Abu Junayed I watch it as a drinking game. Every time he says Post-Modernist, I take a drink
@@SteamShinobi Research (which seems to be the new word for i 'read some stuff") does not mean you are decisive....nor does it mean you can make
Good judgements. It only empowers those individuals that can contextualise and orientate what you have read. She wants answers to juxtapositions...because she is struggling to negotiate pay, rationality doesn't work with human interactions because humans are not generally not rational. If she has got to the age she is with the intelligence she clearly has without recognising this fact, well she clearly has a blind spot and cannot judge situations and reorientate her position to the opposition to best advantage.
Heroes do not always wear a cape.
He actually does or at least did wear one, check out his video where he talks about the time he visited a prison :D
@@tulbanhawk true!! lol
Absolutely!!!
sometimes they wear suits and ties with lobsters on them
Heroism always resides in the mind. I am sure Jordan comes from the genos of Hercules.
Her opening remarks are SPOT ON!!!! I couldn’t agree more, Dr Peterson you have made the most significant impact in my life, I don’t even have the words to exspress. Thank you sir!! Thank you!!
Objective Perspective -- your words undermine your true motivations. You can build people up without tearing others down. It beats my mind how many people feel compelled to discredit JP and belittle anyone who finds value in his words. It's a sad reflection of your internal state of mind. Personally, I've always hated self-help gurus *with a passion* but I never go around spamming their videos or belittling their followers. I keep my toxic emotions to myself until they fizzle out. JP is nothing like the sort, anyway, only superficially if you aren't actively listening. I'll be charitable and assume you have a similar dislike for charlatans and have fundamentally misinterpreted his intentions. Read your words back and try to understand why you felt it necessary to insult the intelligence of someone you claim to want to help.
@Objective Perspective -- You sound rather judgmental of other people who are not living up to your intellectual standards. You can't reach out to a person while verbally abusing them at the same time.
"JP insults those that don't agree with him" -- examples of this would be great. From what I understand, he doesn't deliberately insult anyone's intelligence, but rather points out specific flaws in their reasoning, and very often acknowledges why and how an otherwise good person mistakenly arrives at such positions. A good example of this is when he talks about why most people would have been silent bystanders if they lived in Nazi Germany, because most people are too afraid to challenge the status quo.
"To feel like your honest knowledgeable opinion will be or is not taken seriously is insulting" -- Nobody is entitled to an audience. You have to earn respect the hard way like everyone else. If your words make a difference in a person's life they will respond positively. If not, you should probably re-evaluate your strategy.
"killing people in various way is bad" -- I have no idea what you're talking about. If you have a positive message it would help if you could articulate yourself in a clear way that other people can understand.
"And could lead people down horribly wrong paths." -- such as what, exactly? Your words are quite vague and your thoughts come across as muddled. It seems you are trying to grasp something beyond your reach. Not saying you should stop trying, but pointing out how you are most likely being perceived.
If you have a better message than JP then by all means spread it, but try not to be condescending because it's entirely counter-productive to connecting with strangers. I know my words may also come across as condescending but I'm genuinely trying to be as clear and concise and honest with you as possible.
Okay, I tried. You are remarkably delusional. I was never offended by your comments, and I couldn't care less what you think of my intelligence. I tried offering honest feedback but it appears you are either a troll or completely lacking any self-awareness. Have fun talking to yourself.
@Objective Perspective -- You know what? You're absolutely right. Your reasoning is flawless and none of my comments above contain any substance whatsoever. Thanks, coach, you've changed my life.
@Objective Perspective -- Yeah, screw Dawkins and JP, those guys have nothing of substance to offer, just blindly regurgitating the ideas of dead philosophers and adding nothing new to the conversation. Don't know why I ever bothered to study them. Thanks for liberating me from the shackles of my mindless zombie existence.
It’s a set of skills... not about how you feel about yourself
Interesting... So “be skillful” is what he’s saying??
@@1845Raven Yes. I think the more competent you become, the more confident you get. Since you can solve more problems, and handle shit better, then automatically you're less scared because you know what you're capable of and that translates to confidence. Just my take on it.
@@Sitifulication i think youve just hit the nail on its head
@@Emmanuel_Ramirez717 Literally god damn
How you feel is a side-effect of having and being able to use those skills...
Essentially to summarize the video:
The woman said that she noticed people who rely on their self esteem seem to have a stronger starting point in arguments and sound more compelling. Jordan Peterson replied, yes, because they do, but only at first because self esteem is a weak and superficial tool in the face of a person who know how to "act the most effectively" rather than rely on "feelings of themselves". That is why the person who does not rely on self esteem but rather behaves in an effective and optimal manner will always win the debate in the long haul.
At least that's my interpretation of it.
also skills to back it up
"We have raised a generation of narcissists." I heard both Penn Jillette and Dr. Phil make this very statement. They're talking about the generation after mine. I was born in 1985.
Lol
80's were best
Lol so you have no one to blame but yourselves
I wonder if this is why so many relationships fail nowadays. People charge into relationships unable to negotiate because they don’t think they can say no, and they don’t think they can say no because they don’t think they have any alternatives.
The problem goes further than that. True, people fail to negotiate an upgrade of the current relationship because they feel like they have no better alternatives.
However, people also negotiate selfishly from the position of power because they feel like the alternatives are infinite - why put energy into fixing this relationship when I can start a new one that doesn't have the same problem(s).
Either way, alternatives turn your focus away from the relationship, so they should be the last thing you look at when in a relationship. The principle of having the option to say no is good, but it needs to be downscaled to the problem itself within the scope of the relationship.
Wow, _great_ points from both of you.
In my experience, it is as if psychology has gotten so far to enlighten a person that they have options _in getting a new partner_ and that gives them strength, when for the good of children they should be taught that they have options _in how to deal_ with a negative spouse.
So many people I know feel empowered by the fact that they can drop their current partner and simply start a new relationship, and they get drunk on the power of being able to end a relationship, rather than be enabled to courageously deal with the dysfunctional current one.
To speak it in a Peterson kind of way, it’s as if people wake up to the fact that they can get a clean room by buying a new house, rather than the very difficult work of cleaning up the room they currently live in.
I would say it was worse in the past when women were only expected to be housewives. No monetary power. Hence forced to be with the man she married, regardless of how abusive. Not to mention societal judgement.
So you should go into a relationship still looking for other people? Sounds unfaithful
@@saltmage2435 Let's say you should keep in mind that things can go wrong, and parting may be a better idea than forcing the things at all costs. On the other hand, you must keep making yourself better both to keep your partner's interest to you and being able to depart if needed. Man, the most awful thing to see is an athletic guy turning into heavily overweight couch potato in first two or three years after wedding, or a cute chick, who in the same amount of time, becomes an ugly hex you wouldn't f* even with a stolen dick.
again and again, thank you Jordan Peterson. the world is a better place because of you.
@Chozeh Abaddon ye sure dude
Self is not ego and identity. This only occurs when you identify with "your" thoughts, with "your" appearance. Rather, you are the observer of thought; you are consciousness.
*You are the being, the vibration. Life is the doing, the direction.*
While I love Jordan Peterson's critical thinking, there are limitations to psychology when it comes to expanding one's consciousness. Because thought can only conceive of what it knows. While consciousness can experience the _unknown._
"That is the exploration that awaits you. Not mapping stars or studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence."
("Q", Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Thought can only conceive of what it knows. While consciousness can experience the unknown.
🤯
them fucking hippies...
He is a living legend!
I hope i can meet him one day 🙏
Self-esteem = extraversion (pos.emotions) - neuroticism (neg.emotions)
How to help temperamentally inhibited children = in times of distress incourrage them to go out and explore (instead of withdrawing). They are slower to warm up. If you expose them to things that make them anxious in measured doses, you will transform their psycho-phisiological temperament.
Negotiations: you need to know what you want and have alternatives. Handle with strength. Then you can say "no" .
I can't even keep track of these two minute long questions
She sounded like a big fan. Probably would have asked questions for an hour if given the chance. I'd say she was just trying to get out as much as she could with the time given
Just ask the question.. jesus
yeah, that was borderline "I want to be commended for being such a devoted fan".
C. L. SM Yup, that's what it sounded like to me too. I'm sure he saw through it.
She was talking way too much about herself. If she likes the sound of her voice that much, get your own channel.
The most admirable thing about Jordan for me is his ability to think, rationalise and express his thoughts very clearly to a very high degree of precision..usually in front of large audiences or when it seems like hes put on the spot from probing interviewers in some cases...i wonder how he keeps his wits about him....to think clearly (ultimate sign of composure you could say) is probably the hardest thing to do if you are under any sort of pressure..
I learnt my negotiations skills from Michael Corleone, The Phantom Menace and Lock, Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels.
The Price is *NOT* The Price - The Price is whatever you are willing to *Sacrifice.*
And whenever you are sacrificing, it has to be ALWAYS be to to something meaningful - and *BRING SWORDS.*
I am so glad you said this. I tell people this all the time and get called crazy. I hate self esteem it has damaged so many women
Self esteem does not equal *value.* Everyone has infinite value, no matter what they think of themselves
Jordan you're the best. An advertisement for your own 12 steps. Helping others, enlightened self-interest. Keep on keepin' on..
This man is life changing in the best possible way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr Peterson
7:38 Imagine saying that to your boss 😂
A person with confidence can say this without fear of retribution
Boss: you're fired.
That's a interesting concept, how self esteem isn't real and creates narcissistic people. With the perception it makes sense how young celebrity's who exploded into fame and wealth have the tendency to display such behavior.
@Yug Tsol incorrect. Narcissists have an excess of self esteem fro abnormal chilshoos development. Its not good when it runs the other way either. People need to have some degree of self criticism.
I honestly love JP! He can directly dive to the core of the matter and explain the nature of issues with such clarity.
The effect of Jordan Peterson is going to be felt for decades. He is a major force for coherent thought.
I don't speak very good English... but If the ruse of desire is calculable for obtrusive amalgamations of obsidian or any glass formed as an extrusive igneous rock, spoken as a metaphysical analogy albeit seraphic, can be convoluted with pseudo-scientific theories admonished by spurious authorities that can be fathomed as the desperate effort to equalize the disturbance of a discourse of splitting convex substrates that violates the rational, enlightened claims of its enunciatory modality, tacitly rapturous, but that can still cognize itself merely as it appears to itself with regard to an intuition which is not intellectual and capable of being given through the acquiescence of recursive wisdom. Sorry for bad English.
Who put 50p in the Chopra?
yeah you took a lot of words to say nothing of meaning at all
The quintessential meaning of existence is superseded by contextual paradigms of comprehension, relative to one's own complexity of information stored as neuronal structures within the cerebrum. Meaning is only created in one's mind if the exterior information can trigger and highlight certain already established neural pathways. The essence of omens, riddles, puzzles and prophecies, as well as Tarot reading, palm reading, horoscopes and several artistic endeavors.
That's how liberal Professors baffle Us with bullsheit...
Why take a straight line between two points when you can roam around the vastitude for ages...
I like his thoughts on negotiation. He voiced exactly the perfect circumstances in which you can negotiate fearlessly. I happen to dislike his thoughts on dealing with introverted children, though. Just because a child would rather be by himself does not mean he needs to be encouraged to "go mingle", He will go mingle when he needs to.
To be fair, he seems to be talking about kids who are seriously socially inhibited, which is maladaptive if not corrected. He acknowledges that you can't just make someone an extrovert against their nature, and encourages gentle pushes towards exploration for the child, not forcefulness.
If you don't encourage child to socialize from the young age it will only get harder for the child as the time goes. You can be introverted but rather not shy and insecure around people
clamarroan probably hes right introverted children turn into social misfits unless someone pushed them out at some stage. The mother bird has to sometimes push the timid chick out of the nest onto the ground, when the chick tires of flapping about alone, she can then remind him he needs to fly..
I found this video fantastic for starting new jobs. When I started as a tech and was helping the help desk in the IT field, I was terrified at answering the phone. I was scared that I wouldn't know the answer to whatever question was being asked. Then one day my co-worker says hey we need you taking calls and doing remote access on people's computer's because we are short handed (company merging with other companies at that time). My first call came in and I remember I was sweating from nervousness. I helped that person out and hanged up. That first call (I like to think of it as a parent pushing their child to playing with the bigger kids) broke that nervous barrier and I slowly became more confident (self-esteem) with answering and helping people out.
Such a sincere exchange of gratitude at the conclusion of the video
Oh my god
That is exactly why I cannot negotiate or ask for a raise or even continue a conversation about remuneration! I am agreeable and HATE conflict with a vengeance! Also, Im never prepared! I don’t go in thinking this is a war and Im willing to walk if it doesn’t go in my favor 🤦🏻♀️ How do I get around this people? Anyone with experience here?
@A T: Sorry . . . but Peterson offers you the answer in this very video. You need to follow his advice and practice it.
First you need to make yourself more usefull, or indispensible. You need to be better at what you than what you are acutally paid currently. Basically you need to deserve the raise, you need to develop yourself to that level.
How do you know if you’ re there? Go to an interview somewhere else and see if you get a better offer. Then you know you deserve more and you also have another offer as leverage and also as backup in case they say no and you decide to leave.
Arbiter Why are you assuming I didn’t?
You should learn how to get into a conflict. Like how to oppose or put pressure on someone in the least damaging way (for yourself). I used have the same problem and now I use a technique that allows me to put pressure on people without risking anything. I just tell them that I'm "obligated" to do something unless they do what I want. For example you can be "obligated" because you "have" to spend so much money on something or because something is threatening you. And make them feel like you didn't want to put pressure on them but you "have to".
Mohamed Osman Hmm this is interesting. I will think this over.
"It’s a set of skills... not about how you feel about yourself."...however, how you feel will either help you or destroy/delay the ability to develop those skills. So...it depends.
U picked my brain exactly Nisveta. My conundrum is I feel 'overwhelmed' and with no solution to beat those requirements to become 'in control', anxiety, then depression... A success or two then the cycle repeats. Rich or poor, "Life" is very hard for VERY many...🍻
Well said! It's all about taking actions that make you feel good. Not making yourself feel good just because.
Jordans train of thought is a locomotive of brilliance and intellect. Nothing can stand in his way.
This man is a man amongst men LOL i love his intellect and he is a genius when it comes to these things
Avoid the words “things” and “stuff”at all cost
be precise with your words -JP
Securities,
The alternatives he was talking about can be represented with the word securities.
Wow to the person who asked the question.
The lady asked a very deep question. I agree with her POV. As a salesperson, there are many instances where I was faced with talking and negotiating about something I had little knowledge in. Each time I talked to my self to boost my confidence I always closed my deals awesomely. The opposite is really true for me whether I had alternatives or not. A lot of persuasions is not rational as Dr. Peterson makes it look. I love his POV but it's debatable and not obvious. Persuasion and negotiation are very much psychological and involve a lot of body language compared to what facts you will be spitting during the negotiations. It entails a lot of emotional intelligence and these variables are not clearly rational. Man is not as rational as we think him to be
Self Esteem only works or holds any value if or when we allow OTHERS to have that same self esteem. Yes I am special. I know that I am special. I'm the only ME there is. But everyone who is NOT me is also special because they are not me.
7:15 (LOL) Classic Peterson self-correcting aside: "but it just doesn't work for very many iterations . . ." Don't you just love it (?)
Fantastic response.
I watch quite a lot of these and that is possibly the greatest question, if not the greatest phrased, I have come across so far.
The hilarious irony is that I'm using Jordan Peterson clips to procrastinate on doing homework.
StarWarFan cuz homework’s boring and doesn’t bring meaning in your life🙏
School work should stay in school hrs and home should be where you chill , the older I get the more I believe that homework should not exist.
SPECTRE John John?
@@SPECTREHEY-YO I've held that position ever since I first got homework. Took me way too long (two high school years) to decide that, since I believed homework should be done at school, maybe I should actually do that work at school. After making that decision and putting the work in, I suddenly had a lot of free time in the evenings, and I felt stupid for not doing that sooner instead of complaining about my homework.
When I was at school it didn't matter how much you did you still were given work to do at home , everybody was.
Man I wish this guy was my Dad I swear
You're not alone, man.
more than his words of wisdom, more than his plethora of facts he says in every single one of these videos...more than antyhing else...you have to thank Jordan for encouraging people to think and reason with their own minds...and to do that very critically too ..which is important.....to THINK is a very very healthy thing to do
Leverage... The words leverage I believe Dr Peterson is referring to. Honestly, chess (learning stages still), Connect 4, or, Poker (the games) help me here. It is about strategy, creativity, and knowing what one may have to barter with and how important that "thing" is to the person that you are negotiating with. You must go "in" already knowing what the averages are, knowing your personal value vs how that value is viewed to the other party. Many times, (if its a work related matter), bosses/owners may not vocalize your value and if "they" are not the type to give reviews or regular feedback, one MUST either "bluff" well or go in with facts and data. Strategize but with some level of creativity. Doing "cold call" phone sales really prepared me well for these types of scenarios (believe it or not). Have I always come out on top, NO, but, I have more than not. Id say you'd also have to be prepared to "act" on whatever terms you are willing to enforce, should your offer be declined. Being stubborn and strong willed, maybe a little crazy (I can be), helps out as well. Low level sales helped me a good deal in such areas, as I apply these principles to everyday things. I seldom take the "shark" approach. Honesty, knowing your worth (relative to situation ) and what that means to the other party. A good sense of character or essence of the individual or entity is key to your approach.
He is right about arguing from a position of knowledge. However you can negotiate without threatening with conseqvences. It can also be about reaching an agreement. IF you do not get a raise and are prepared to leave for it. Why bother with arguing with your boss. Just change jobs and get the raise. Never threaten anyone, it is just stupid.
You don't say your gonna get another job. They will be able to tell if you already have one based on your confidence level.
Persuasion in the era that facts don't count... It's a good book around this subject
Wow, thank you!
No wonder. No matter how many videos i watch about confidence or self-esteem i still can't feel any spark or motivation. Because the concepts seem to be too vague for any practical application.
Sorry for any wrong grammar☺
I have struggled with poor self esteem and confidence at various times in my life.. I believe it not to be because of bullying ,abuse or ignored by parents. I was born a sensitive soul, allergies to all types of food,nature and animals... Medication has been my life and kept me from a lot of normal kid stuff. In my child brain I assumed I was faulty, not good enough and never left alone had created such a mindset that was detrimental as a teenage girl. I realized in 2012, 40yo...that i had been acting from my mindset of beliefs that I had recorded as a child and I'd never revisited them or questioned their validity. I wrote out as many topics I could think of..and what beliefs I held in relation to them.. Deeper I pushed myself asking why I thought that way, it always came back to an event..that I came to a conclusion so incorrect and no proof of that bad thing I thought of myself -actually being real... So many beliefs that I convinced myself that I could not do it, or i was not made good enough to excellent at anything , was still holding me hostage till that day. I chose to update my beliefs, I wrote post it notes - I AM ENOUGH...I am more than enough, I am perfectly ME! Everywhere, bathroom, car, books ,fridge etc..I would make myself say aloud 10 times...over a few weeks people kept asking me what was different about me...I started to feel better, like I had got a best friend who had my back..my own protector... it was cause i started to believe in me! It changed my life. Try it...you can't imagine how much it helps....
And his concepts in this video are flooded in subjective interpretations that i disagree enormously.
rosely covali His concept is very simple. You're going to take small steps that are sufficiently difficult for you but not impossible that you can learn from. If you keep building confidence in incremental steps you are eventually going to get to a point that you are comfortable with. Just don't leap headlong into the hardest negotiation possible because it'll do more harm than good and break you.
I hope that helps... it's my interpretation of what he said.
You can't learn it just by watching videos, reading and thinking. You have to take action. Start small and let yourself slowly improve.
Listen in parts . Take notes. Have a think. Baby steps .
IMO this is especially a challenge for women, because we’re socialized to be agreeable, “nice,” & accommodating. Women also are taught to be self-effacing & play down their own IQ & accomplishments. All this comes across as “weakness” when negotiating for something for themselves & makes women less likely to even ask for it at all.
This woman speaks English very well & is very bright, but starts off her question by apologizing for her bad English - self-effacing, playing down her accomplishments.
So IMO having confidence & self-esteem are important concepts, especially for women, to know their own worth & act accordingly.
As an agreeable personality myself, I (and yes I see the humor in it) agree with you on those social factors working against those who are agreeable.
I find it much easier to disagree and articulate my opposing views online, as opposed to in-person discussion.
On that note, I find the concept of self-esteem to be shallow and to hinge on contextual factors and ultimately not have a lot of utility for helping people. The thought of "I'm fine just the way I am" does not lead one to do the hard work of improvement and get the growth that comes from turning weaknesses into strengths.
I agree that confidence is important, but to me that comes not from a feeling but from actual knowledge and experience. I think self-efficacy is a much better alternative to self-esteem.
I know a woman who has been able to get raises and now can work at home, and it is because she has developed a set of skills that she knows is invaluable to her employer and that he would suffer for if he lost her. She is confident in her negotiation because she developed the skills and knows that she is invaluable based on those skills and abilities. That's self efficacy. A feeling and self- knowing of confidence based on something concrete and measurable. The problem with the concept of self-esteem is that it doesn't have any concrete grounding, but is based on social and individual perceptions of the self that are wholly created in the mind and able to change.
@Inebriatd The West is all about individualism. It's only the collectivist subsets within the West that push for forced harmony. The Eastern cultures are all about the harmony of the collective, but they don't go about it the same way Western collectivists do (i.e. identity politics).
Self-esteem is based on the individual self. There is no such concept in the general psyche of Eastern cultures. If anything, it is "other-esteem" for them.
Aria go back to the kitchen bitch
Self esteem is we are all special.
It does not have to mean we are BETTER THAN others
I love how he communicates concepts and has solid examples that helps understand and correlate how to overcome internal doubts and conflicts. I agree feeling good is overrated. Mastering the mind set and how to communicate effectively is the most important skills of our time.What do you do to enhance your skills? Do you read books, listen to podcasts? What else?
Ever notice how those with the most ego, have little to no sense of right or wrong?
Yep! I call them: narcissists (NPD) Fake, fraudes.....
@Evan Hodge psychology has nothing to do with 'calling' names.
Everything in life is a negotiation, I've learned!
You don't have to negotion! If you know who you are, boundaries, believes, being authentic, you don't have to 'negotionate' with manipulative, sick, disordered people.....You're fighting with people, not life Alex. It's your life.
Bruh... ...I can listen onto him all day and not get tired
1. Self-esteem is an ill-posed idea since the way of measuring it is by evaluating temperament. People who are extroverted and low in neuroticism are likely to feel better about themselves since they are sensitive to positive emotions rather than negative emotions. A person may have high self-esteem just because they feel good about themselves despite the circumstances around him. How do you act out in the world is more important than how you feel about yourself. You should encourage yourself to act out in the world though unskilled.
2. To be a good negotiator, you first have to know what you want. There's no way you'll be able to stand up for yourself if you don't know what you desire. Then, you have to organize your ideas properly so that you can propose the alternatives if the negotiation fails. Articulate the payments and consequences so that others might understand the result of not accepting the proposal of yours. This is for sure, difficult, especially for people who are high in agreeableness. If you have a hard time with conflicts and negotiations with other people, start small. Fix the things that bother you in the relationship. You can practice improving your negotiation capacity one by one. You'll get better and better as you try.
Watching this gives me an idea of how bad my parenting was..
Don't worry, everyone's parents are bad in their own way. We must learn what we can from those situations and strive to do better.
@@filthyE I'm afraid not to become the person my parents were.. all people develop their personality depending on what they saw in their parents..
I know that my biggest job is to reparent myself 😉
In this case, which is my own as well, it looks like Peterson has been more of a parent to me, or teacher at least, than my real parents.
Great clip 👏👏
You are amazing
SPECTACULAR!
He does not have a concept of what it feels like to have a big lack of confidence. People without confidence can physically shake with fear in social situations.
This is a 9 minute video. If that is what she'd precisely ask in the first place then you won't have a single word about it. But, America has Big Pharma so expect things to be the way they are even if he provides you with a better solution.
Video title: there is no such thing as self esteem
Peterson: self esteem is a psychological concept
But he makes it clear that it's not a very useful one.
StorminMormin91 he also thinks it’s valuable to tell the truth precisely
@@DarkWolf3399 he didn't choose the title for this video
StorminMormin91 obviously. so your point is?
@@DarkWolf3399 I thought you were thinking Peterson was behind the title video. My bad.
Only the strong deserve to be confident. Get strong
Great video
I feel I was a highly temperamentally inhibited child
definitely me too. It has had a life-long effect, even though I have been highly functional, until now.
I was and still am and struggling. Not sure how to change, although I've ideas
First time that Jordan missed the mark. The self esteem movement is a farce. Self esteem is not built on standing up for yourself. Self-esteem is built-in standing up for what is right and doing what is right when you do what is right your self-esteem will improve. It is only in doing the right things that supports the honest assessment that gives you higher value. And on the other end of the spectrum doing the wrong things lower self-esteem and makes you feel worse. Self-esteem is based on your behavior not what others think of you.
L'CHAIM
Thank you
Fantastic 👏
fr women, negotiatn is secondary to learng to protect oneself
@kumkum jain: Is your comment intended to be descriptive . . . or prescriptive (?)
@@QED_ both...
@kumkum jain: As a prescription . . . it seems as if it needs a lot of fleshing out to make it worthy of commenting upon. I can think of any number of things in Life that negotiation is secondary to: being able to tie your shoes . . . for example. But that's equally true for Men. And Men need to protect themselves equally as much as Women. So I don't see how self-protection is a special category for Women worth singling out. It's certainly a category . . . but how is it a special one (?)
@@QED_ in old societies women dont negotiate fr thmselves, they get others to do it. it takes many genratns(matriarchy/matriliny) to manage any private or public option fr oneself
@@kumkumjain9864 and Arbiter
Protection considering negotiation is necessary for anyone who lacks information or Intelligence, no matter what sex you are.
Societies in which women in general do not negotiate are societies without equal rights for both sexes.
Sexually special protection (i.e. laws plus conscience about sexual dangers in negotiations is necessary) is necessary for both sexes and harder to put up for men, I would guess.
speak the Kings English correctly and don't be a pushover. And seek good advice like this professional Professor.
King James' English? It's the Queen's English at present.
good question.
Fantastic.
Extroverted people are not by any means automatically confident, or confident at all in a general sense. Yes they seem confident when it comes to "dealing with the exterior world" which does make them appear more confident in a general sense, but their self esteem is generally also way more dependant on the validation of that same exterior world. The're generally way more adaptable in their viewpoints than introverts, because external validation is more important to extroverts. Introverts are typically less skilled at with dealing with the external world around them, but do not need external validation in order to feel good about themselves and to be convinced of their own believes (stubborn) and less phrone to feel adapt themselves to the other. A lot of couples consist of an extrovert and an introvert, and usually the introverted has more influence than the extorvert, since they are stubborn in their believes and the extrovert adapts themselves. They both really have their own benefits and downsides....
This whole concept is way better explained in the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indiactor) than it is in the big 5 theory
*sigh*.. extrovert + lack of neurosis/negativity = confidence. Listen, Jesus..
Yeah and its already been established that mbti is far less consistent, as much as i love the geniuses it seems to consistently put me with
I don't think you heard his full statement. Listen again.
He gets the inhibited children part wrong. It's not just high neuroticism and low extraversion. It's sensory processing to a higher degree than other children. They are taking in more information about an environment, and the trait is almost universal in the animal kingdom. If anything, inhibited children experience happiness to a greater degree in the right environment.
@NoisyCricket42 no it isn't. It is not linked to those traits, and thaf was the whole point of me saying that it depends on the environment. Put an inhibited child in a happy home, and they will be happier than the average person. put them in an abusive home, and they will be more depressed.
@NoisyCricket42 I've met 5,000+ people with this trait through conferences and other psychology related fieldsand what I've said is true for 80-85% of people. The HSP types use more right hemisphere activity which correlates to higher empathy and emotional reasoning. With the right therapy, it is true for the majority of those with this type
@NoisyCricket42 It is the key component in this specific context where Peterson tries to label these kids as "neurotic" and describes them as having low positive emotion. The tendency towards neuroticism is independent of whether someone is inhibited or not. Neuroticism occurs equally in non-inhibited and inhibited children.
@@MusicViddeos You misunderstand. JBP said their inhibited temperament would stem from a combination of low extraversion (meaning low positive emotion from having fewer sources of positive emotion) and high trait neuroticism (meaning a greater sensitivity to certain stimuli or a greater reaction to said stimuli). He then pointed out the appropriate counter to their temperament would be to gradually encourage exploration, so they can develop the skills they'd otherwise miss out on.
He never said, "The kids are inhibited because they're neurotic and this is where their low positive emotion comes from." You completely misunderstand.
@@vfmlor actually I completed understand, and I know what the terms mean. I'm saying someone with the inhibited temperament can also be high in extraversion and low in neuroticism.
A good question.
Wow that question was awesome
I feel a bit bad for him. He has got bombarded by haters and people who are rude.
Only reason they do that is they hate the truth...people who lie to themselves...it's a beatdown to the
Soulless ones...
I don't agree with his statements about changing one's temper (introvert to extravert). I know a lot of extraverts who don't feel good about themselves and a lot of introverts who are really comfortable and while it might be harder for introverts to achieve this (because we live in an aggressive world) it'''s definitely not about them becoming more extravert but rather thenselves feeling good about who and how they really are.
Ahhh you weren't listening Elena ;) rewatch 4:45 to about 5:30
@@ryana4906 I listened very well to his speech, Ryan. There is no need for you to be patronizing. It's ok to have different opinions. We are all different, luckily.
@@kochtrevor I get what you are saying. I just don't agree with the healthiness of changing one's temperament. For me it was all better when I accepted the fact that it's not a fault to be introvert, not something to be fixed but sonething to adapt to in order to be happy. It used to drain me to "learn" how to be extravert (because it works easier for extraverts in our society). I started to regain my vitality once I accepted I am an introvert and started to act accordingly while pursuing my objectives.
@Elena D: Sheeesh. What's your problem with Ryan Maguire (?) He's taken time and energy out of his busy life to offer you his goodwill perspective and you're being unnecessarily self-defensive and engaging in name calling. If you can't handle the interchange of CZcams comments on a give-people-the-benefit-of-the-doubt peer basis . . . then don't comment at all. You can be as different as you like . . . but still adhere to and respect community affirming standards of inter-personal exchange.
@Freddy Franco Stop shouting!
Abt negotiations... He nailed it.
Dr.Jordan Peterson is The Most Knowledgeable,
Brave Honest Who is Transformer the World.
I Admire His Integrity,Courage 🙏🏼☮️
"I'm so great I came from Belgium". Thanks for asking this, though. Self-esteem is so suspicious as a concept.
Oh, she was asking a question? I thought she was telling story of her life or something....or maybe i missed the question because he interrupted her 🙄
Great man
Self awareness is real. Self esteem is an illusion. When there's no ego, there's no esteem to harrass.
I’m really enjoying Peterson but I’m very stuck on his doomsday warnings on the creep of socialism and his boxing of it with Communism. There are shades of grey with socialism. Democratic socialism is far right of pure socialism and Democratic Socialism, economically, is working in many places of the world and the societal outcomes outside of just that measure are leap frogging purely capitalistic structures elsewhere. Americans are particularly poorly educated (forgive my generalisation here) on the various societal structures, most probably due to the effective propaganda during the Cold War and it’s this all or nothing approach by Peterson that I feel has allowed his message to be somewhat co-opted, often in ignorance, by the Alt-R.
Peterson points out the use of the left about every time he talks about it. Most people just wilfully ignore that. His criticism is pointed towards the radicals, and the flaws of Marx which is perfectly fine as far as I see it.
He also said that he agrees with what the rational left does in several podcasts and lectures. His problem is that marxism as an ideology is not viewed as it should be viewed in the world and that this brings the potential for a lot of suffering.
Thinking that he holds such a simplistic view of any topic is beyond naive my dude.
Lukas Maier Hi. I'm not reducing his views to a simple narrative nor am I accusing him of holding a simplistic view. No doubt Peterson often explains the Left as part of an important stabilising force within heirarchy. I have no quarrel with that. I also have no quarrel with him pointing out the dangers of holding euphemistic views of Marxism. I just don't believe that those espousing and forwarding Marxism in its strictest application are as pervasive as he says they are. Granted there are many who want some form of Socialism or at least want to see economic reforms that would increase some Socialist benefit, adding to those most Western societies already have (police, fire brigade, roads, etc). I don't think we are near to the Government making our shoes, and then instituting mass slaughter. Therefore my stance is that in trying to rectify the balance he is in danger of tipping over.
Read Thomas sowell basic economics.
Isn't the whole reason Democratic socialism works due to the capitalist and Democratic parts of that system?
Question from audience member - Get to the bloody point!!!!
Keeping it real!
Blessings to the media 😻
every single thing he ever said comes straight from the bible so how come you all praise him so much but fail to realize where he got most of his wisdom from and even worse, you fail to understand the Bible itself
We praise him because he has the courage to speak it and makes it way more clear to understand. The bibles scriptures have been messed with I wouldn't trust it.
He articulates/elucidates it well.
So the Big 5 came from the bibal huh? I enjoy his mixture of science and values
wheres the Gulag Archipelago, Pinocchio, Lion King, Freud, Piaget, Panskeep and bill C-16 in the bible? It's not, which makes your comment a fail, every single time.