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Don’t worry about what society says. This world has a fallen angel running g around trying to turn us away from the light. To get rid of demons all we do is say out loud: Flle from me Satan in the name of Jesus. Jesus says in the Bible to be in this world but not of it. We’re not supposed to hate society. It’s evil. You are not worthless. You are beautiful. You’ve just been brainwashed to think you need to please everyone. I you do NOT. You’re a person God made in his image. He doesn’t make any junk. You’re letting thoughts from a bad spirit to enter into your head. I can’t tell you how to get over depression. All I can say is you are worthy. God loves you. Please don’t listen to the world. Do your thing. My grandmother told me that if I took my own life I couldn’t go to heaven. I do not know if she was right, but it has kept me here for almost 80 years. You don’t seem to understand how loving you are. I love watching you and hearing your story. Please believe me. God lives you. To hell with anyone else.

Thank you so much for making this video. I've lived with depression my whole life but not as deep as you live with, but I can relate to the frustration of not being able to do as much as others. Luckily I had a mum who was very supportive of me as an artist and that saved me, there was something I could do to earn some money while still being me. It seems to me that your gift is being able to express yourself really well too, you're a great storyteller and your beadwork is amazing and what you have said here is contributing to society so much, both to the people suffering in the same way and to those who want to understand better. A lot of jobs aren't actually meaningful or beneficial to society (in my view) but what you do in these videos is both meaningful and beneficial, I think. I hope you can feel some pride in that, and I hope it gets easier to be here for you.

Thank you for your brave words. Both my husband and I have had people close to us choose not to stay. We carry the scars. And we know others who struggle as you do. They have our love and compassion, as do you.

TRUE GRIT!❤ Keep on Keeping on!

Dear sweet Birdy. I am in the middle of listening to this video and I just had to stop and tell you that you, sweet girl, are not your brain. I do understand from the standpoint of someone who lives with someone who fights every single second of every single day as you do to not end it as well. I am so very, very sorry for your pain, and I want you to know that although some of society does put unreasonable demands on those whose brains work differently than the so-called norm ( and really, what is normal?), there are many of us here who do understand from either living it or living with a loved one who lives it. You are a remarkable human being, bright, funny, so very intelligent and you express yourself in such a way that anyone who listens to you can feel the depth of your heart. As broken as our minds and bodies can sometimes be, we are not those things. You and all of us are connected to the Universe, to each other, and our spirits are whole and well. I just wanted you to know that your presence means something to us, and we are grateful for you. I have found that those who suffer the most are the most compassionate among us and where would any of us be without compassion? Many, many hugs and much love to you, my friend.

I love seeing your joy explode in the gift openings! Please keep doing them! We love you! Hugs and hugs

Oh yea keep your happy face on. Even my therapist doesn't know my dark side

❤!

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Birdie, you did good today. Thank you so much for being you just the way you are. You have an incredibly beautiful, brilliant and complex mind and it is aways a joy to see you. Thank you for staying. You are loved by so many here.

From a fellow traveler with MH issues, I send blessings your way. Thank you for giving voice to the challenges. ❤

No matter how dark our lives can get, Jesus forgives us and thebn walks with us every hour. You are a very likeable person. You’re funny, articulate, and just cool. I’m sorry you’re having depression. No matter how much we suffer here on earth, I choose it over living eternity in hell. That’s what keeps me here. I’m almost 80. I don’t k ow if I’ve been as depressed as you’re describing, but I’ve been pretty low. I just know that Calling in the name if Jesus always brings me back.

❤

The metaphor of the puzzle is so true. And, it is so difficult for someone to understand the struggle. Thank you for your great words!

Ya'll lets share this and make it go VIRAL GREAT education

I'm not trying to deter you from your van life journey but given your struggles with anxiety I can't think of anything more anxiety provoking than van life. The uncertainty, the lack of permanence, the presence of stupid people 😂 said in jest kinda.... Living in your van is not free. Have you considered a tiny house on the grid? Financially, it may balance itself out. You already have the solar panels and many of the essentials you would need. You could have real plumbing. Maybe van life isn't your journey. You did not pick it so that love affair that you see other van lifers have may not apply. You could still continue your CZcams. Girl I'd hang out with you and your chickens 😂 Just consider what is best for YOU and your mental health and know you are loved and supported grubby feet and all❤

you ever been tested for Systemic Lupus? It could be why your hyper sensitive to the sun . It can also be affecting your feelings, and why you have phobias like not wanting to talk on the phone, etc. Love your channel. You do deserve all these gifts . I love your quirky personality. You seem like an awsome person. Hope we cross trails out there. Would love to meet you.

Birdy, You are so right, those of us who don't face this challenge can't possibly understand it, which is why should not judge. Compassion is the best I can offer. My heart goes out to you. As I listened to you, and tried to relate to your suffering, the imagery that came to mind was being alone in the middle of the ocean in a rickety boat, surrounded by flotsam from a shipwreck that is supposed to be Life. The Ocean: so vast, so deep, so unforgiving, and strangely inviting. With each ripple of current, it reminds me that I can surrender to its vastness, allow its depth to swallow me. But, to this call I no. Somewhere within my own DEPTH, there is the whisper of landfall. And so, I keep going, paddling my rickety boat (gas for the motor ran out long ago), the promise and commitment to love my only fuel. This is a mighty effort that needs all of my strength, all of the time. Still, I row for love. Of my daughter. Occasionally, though I scarcely notice it because my shame won't let me, I row for the Love That I Am! You asked if we had questions. I have one. Does the nature of your illness affect your responsiveness to music, or music's ability to soothe? I ask because music is so powerful in its healing properties. For example, there is a CZcams channel of a creator who struggles with mental illness. He makes music to comfort and speak to other sufferers. People in his comments section suffering with a wide range of illnesses, including BPD, say that the music helps them with their struggles. Just thought I'd mention it. The channel is Lucas King. The video I listened to is "1 Hour Dark Piano for Mental Illness". The video has 1.8 million views. The channel has 936,000 subscribers! Of course, there are several other channels offering this type of therapeutic music. Just thought I'd mention it. Stay strong, Birdy! And please don't let yourself become burdened by what society thinks. You deserve better than that! Much better!

You were able to put it to words. It is hard. I retired so I didn't have to have the "excessive absence" talk with my boss any more. I was able to buy a trailer & truck. Thought I'd need to live in a van and do what you are having to do. I am fortunate. I'm in an RV park, so basically my life is much more cushy than I expected. Im still filled with anxiety, depression, all the stuff. My situation is much better than what I thought I'd have. It's much better than how you are having to do it. Yet I've still sunk so, so low. Currently, I'm on an upswing. You'll remember that you can have one too. It's one day at a time. One moment at a time. I'm so proud of you. You have it in you. But I do recognize where you are. I do honor you for your efforts. You've explained it well. Maybe it takes one to know one. 🎉😊

sorry honey....Im going through some of this atm. Just cant watch, so sorry! but I loved your gift opening one. stay strong warrior woman! You got this!!

God bless you sweetheart ❤❤❤❤❤

Gosh,therr really are a lot of us@😮

Maybe you should travel/camp with a few people that live in their rigs, so you're not always alone.. There are a lot of understanding people out there, Birdie. They could be supportive. Until your other dream comes true .. ❤❤

I watched both of your videos. They are like the ying and yang ☯️ of you. I don't have wise words for you, but I hear you and care. ❤

💘💝💖💗💓💞💞💟💟❣❤‍🩹❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🤎🖤🤍

I'm trying to understand you. what I don't understand is why you cannot work??? Saying you can't do the puzzle because you don't have the tools, well okay. that doesn't help me understand, Because you have all the tools, you need, to work. To me, you have fingers you have hands you have legs you have intelligence. Are you saying you don't have the energy??? please help me understand why you cannot work. I'm not mad I just don't understand what it is you do not have that keeps you from working. Also I want to know what you do want!! Do you want a free studio apartment and a small amount of money for food and essentials??? I have a friend that I love love love love love who is so much like you. I do not berate or criticize her, she has a mother that does enough of that. But she really hurts my feelings when she doesn't show up to a planned get together or comes 3 hours late. I really appreciate you trying to help us understand unfortunately I still don't get it but I do think you're amazing!! ❤🥰😘👌👍🙏

I've been diagnosed with deep chronic depression and I was in bed for the last four years, which is hard for a type A personality. I am on 100 mg of Sertraline now and have been able to get out of bed just this past Spring. I understand what you are going through.

I felt this in my soul. I understand your pain on a very ,very deep level. I wish I could sit and talk with you and give you the biggest hug. I live this life every single day. I'm 49 yrs old. Brought up with narcissistic parents. I can't hold a job or make genuine friends and I will be homeless soon.

thats what she said!! lmao!! youre great!! love ya woman!!

You are not in a little boat all by yourself. I deal with depression everyday. My depression is situational. In 1989 I married a emotionally abusive narcissist and I stayed married to him for 18 years. At the same time I had a narcissistic abusive mother and they played tugawar with my life and my mind. But growing up in an abusive home conditioned me to believe I didn't deserve better. Then I met my sweetheart and knew I had to leave my X and I've been with the other man for 17 years now. My mother passed away, And I'm Free!🎉 Then in 2017 I'm so happy, 😊 And the devil takes away my eyesight. It sucks. I have days that I think, what am I doing? I have no purpose anymore. I'm a burden. I can't drive. I have to ask for help all the time. But I have learned to accept who I am. I discovering me. I have had my abusers telling me who I should be and trying to comply. Don't worry what other people think.You do you and screw them. Find you joy. Take your meds. It's OK to have bad days. But don't waste your dwelling on them. I know depression is hard. I've had days laying in bed and my head feels like it weights 500lbs. I give myself 3 days. By the4th day I must do something, take a shower, eat something and reassure my service dog and my family I'm OK. And then I thank God. What's between me and my higher being is personal. Lord's Peace my dear, keep on plugging.❤

See there, girl, I TOLD you that you are incredibly loved! What thoughtful beautiful gifts! ps - Luci lights are awesome I use them too! I just put them in my front window and they charge over the day then ta da! Lights at nite! Woot woot!

I’m so sorry you go through this! You’re right that we can’t comprehend it! You are loved here and it is so wonderful that you could share it!❤ You be you and crawl on your hands and knees if you have to and if anyone here or anywhere in the world judges you then make them dead to you. There are people that love you so share it all, the anger, the despair, the small joys! Share it ! I know you don’t believe in God but I do so my prayers will be with you anyway. And let us all support you in whatever form of beliefs they have. Know that you’re loved!😊

Thank you Birdie! I have several clients who suffer from chronic depression to the point that they are unable to effectively manage their lives without help from a conservator. As their attorney, it is my job to intervene on their behalf if their conservator breaches their fiduciary duty. Your puzzle analogy is an excellent description of the struggle that accompanies depression. It actually helped me to better understand the challenges that my clients deal with daily. I can't imagine how tough it must be to deal with the uncertainty of van life while also dealing with your depression. You are courageous and inspirational!! I wish you the absolute best!!❤

Hi, Birdie I know this was very hard for you to talk about. I applaud you. Are a very brave woman. People's need to know its not easy that the struggle is so real and understanding and respect need to be given and it is something that need to be talk about more Bless you birdie for explaining it your way well done I am so grateful your still here please continue to fight ur doing a great job one step at a time much love

You were right. It was hard to watch. But, not even close to how hard it is to live it. THANK YOU! I am an RN who has worked a lot in the ER, and have taken care of many, MANY persons who are, or were😢, struggling "every second". For you to be willing to open a small window into your experience helps with understanding SSSSOOO much. For what it is worth, I do NOT see you Birdie, as weak! I see you as one of the strongest persons I have ever "met". While this video is about you, and those who have this level of struggle, I do have one request. Please stay.

I pray God blesses and protects you. Better days ae coming, dear!

Hi luv. This video hits home because this is where we were in our late 40's and early 50's. Depression really sux. It still hits occasionally now as we get to 70, and it still sux. We don't know if this will help, but we will tell you anyway... Please read it if you like, or otherwise let it go. Around that point in time, an old native american guy told us to look at the glass half full, glass half empty thing. He said it wasn't the half full, half empty thing that was important, but the critical point was the size of the glass. He went on to say that we need to design our lives with that in mind, doing what we can, when we can, but to put health first. He also said that society puts a great heap of expectations on us, and that those expectations are installed by family, friends, teachers etc. Many of those expectations have turned out to be crap, and not at all suitable to us individually. No two humans are built the same way and we fit in where we can, doing what we can for the betterment of ourselves, family and society. He said trying to put a square peg in a round hole just simply doesn't work. We continued to look at what the old guy said over the following few months, and it became very obvious to us that we were living up to other's expectations and not our own. That social conditioning actually is cruel, and the buttons installed in us as kids are often pressed by elders and others around us, including employers and siblings, to get us to comply with their expectations for their own needs. This happens even when we are adults. When we were aware of that also, things started to change. Still, we had shit days, and we stuck to our job 40 hours a week, pushing ourselves through day after day (looking back we believe that was a mistake). In short, we threw away that f**ing puzzle you speak of and created our own puzzle with OUR picture on it to construct. That was a game changer. Also, we took time out to look after ourselves as the old guy suggested. We went for a walk in the sunshine, along the beach, in the wind, watched butterflies etc. The looking after ourselves became number 1 priority, because without our health we can't do much at all. Even went to the gym... shock, horror!.... that was a changer also.... Society's expectations, those horrible human constructs, are actually very cruel. Boys don't cry, girls have to be sweet and demure, dress nicely and not lose their temper, and all of us have to be productive, etc. etc. etc. Religion also lays heavy social constructs on us as well. These are killer teachings, killer constructs, and many people suffer greatly as a result and some of us even die. We have watched some of our friends struggle with religious teachings as well as educational teachings. Shame is taught to us by elders, teachers, society etc. That is the cruelest of the cruel of teachings. Shame eats away at us, and that needs to be thrown out with their bloody puzzle and our new one constructed without that crap. The two things we enjoyed in life, bushwalking and textile arts kept us going, but in fact were just squeezed into small parts of our life. That also was a mistake. They should be given priority, we allocate at least one hour a day for each of those. The walk may just be around the block but that gets done... A few years ago we had a series of seizures and the medicos have now put us on anti-seizure medication. Couldn't drive for two years, but now have our licence back again. That medication has even taken away much of the two enjoyments we had. We go on each day, doing what we can, but at least by dumping that f'n puzzle we have taken a lot of weight off our shoulders. Please consider this... We thank you very much for your open-hearted video, brings tears to our eyes thinking where we were with similar crap happening in our lives. Please get a glass out, with a jug of water, and have a look. Work from there. That old native guy was right on the money for us... He planted the seed and we went on from there.... May you keep well and grow for yourself and not for others....

I wish there was something I could say or do to help with your daily battles. Birdie you truly are a wonderful and uplifting person. Are you able to try for disability again or agencies that offer financial assistance to help get you into a home? My heart sank when you were truthful about how hard van life is. Prayers for you sweet lady 🙏❤

I do know exactly what you are talking about. All my life. I feared,in the times I was on the street and abandoned by every person I've ever known. The Herculean effort involved in getting to even the next single second. Still living it. When I realized I couldn't work anymore, I know the feeling of worthlessness. I felt it. I feel it. I've been blessed at last with a little apartment, where I sit watching TV because I know that's all I have left. But it is enough. I am able to stay for my granddaughter. Not my daughter's. My granddaughter. It has taken over 60 years,but I have a shower and a kitchen and a commode within crawling distance. I am able at times to go get supplies. It's hell,but I do it. Sometimes. I usually stock up for a couple months. When I can. It is better,so much better,if you have a place to just be. You're in my thoughts. Thank you for acknowledging us. I hope you keep winning your battle.❤

God bless you for having the courage to make this video! If even ONE person is helped by watching it it is worth every minute you endured making it!

Birdie, you explained it so well, thank you for putting it in away that I fully understand. Bless you and keep you safe xx

You have described living with depression in the most perfect way, Thank you Birdie, Thank you so much for expressing yourself in a way that I couldn't. You are stronger and braver than you realize just for doing what you just did, be PROUD of that. Now I can explain when I hear the dreaded "why can't you just be happy?" and I will always start with a little Birdie told me ...... cause you did, you did that girl , Big hugs xoxo

Hugs to you... Please try to stay... so many people care for you.... you are worth more then you know. Talk yourself up, please keep working at staying... keep fighting those negative thoughts, and do not let it win. 🫶🙏⚘️🦋🦋

I live daily with those thoughts…. I understand you so well. Sending you so much love and a huge hug my friend 🌺💕

Girl, I wish I could hug you. I’ve sat here and sobbed through this, feeling the pain. It’s all so true. I think you explained it well for people who can’t understand. I’ve never tried to put it into words. It’s a daily struggle. I watched it happen to my mom and having 4 kids of my own and now 3 grandkids I know I can’t put them through what I went through. Too many days it’s the only thing that keeps me here. We are all here for you and all cheering you on, every day you keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. Every day turns into a victory. Never stop fighting, please. ❤

Thank you Burdie I'm there woth you. I pray for our strength and peace every day. Your an inspiration

Yes, after life rips my puzzle up, it sets it on fire and the Santana's blow the ashes away. I'm so very tired.

Thanks for sharing 💚