Growing Up Religious: Purity Culture, Toxic Churches + Sexuality - PRETTY BASIC - EP. 212
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- čas přidán 2. 05. 2023
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Church Girl quote pulled from Arielle Estoria!!! arielleestoria?...
Get ready for the first installment of the two part Siblings Series. This week, the girls are interviewing co-host of Unsolicited Advice podcast and Alisha's big sister, Ashley. They de-brief everything from prom regrets and first kisses to unpacking their religious trauma and growing up Christian. Don’t forget to tune in to part 2 on 5/10 to hear from Shane Cruz, Remi's younger brother.
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I asked Ashley all your questions and here are her answers.
1. What do you ask for at the salon?
Long layers. My hair is natural I don’t color it.
2. Outfit details?
Top is skims pants are djerf - influencer brand from Sweden
3. What was the podcast you mentioned?
Root of evil. The mom left a memoir that the kids found and divorced dark secrets about their family! SOO GOOD!
I just love the two of you…I found Alisha through Remi and now Ashley through Alisha…thanks girls sometimes things can get so dry online and honestly just in life. I’m happy to be able to binge both of your channels and instagrams. Wel I’ve already binged Alisha..Ashley next! I wish I had a sister 😢
idk why but i’ve always loved ashley & alisha’s dynamic total opposite vibes but they make it work fr a slay
i just turned 23 and hearing ashley talk about how she’s finally able to say no without explaining is all i want right now 😭
I also just turned 23 in April and same haha
You’ll get there 🩷
Literally meeeee
It’s so liberating.
@@prettybasicpodcast screaming because they replied omg ily guys. Have been listening to this podcast every week since spring 2020. Has helped me through sm🥰🤗
omgggg finally someone talking about the fear of dancing 🙃i litterally hated weddings, parties and any event that includes dancing because I would just sit back awkwardly while everyone else is rocking the dance floor
I was brought up in a church as well but for me I never had any issues with people telling me what to do. Reading the Bible & having a personal relationship with God is so important. It's either you are living for God or this world. As it says in the Bible: “Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord! Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
as a christian who grew up in the church I’m so excited to hear y’all’s experiences
Let us know what you thought 👀
Same
What religion/church are they referring to
I couldn’t stop staring at Ashley’s hair it’s so beautiful
her hair is giving Jennifer Aniston and it’s sooo good
Ashley- my fiancé has this same fear of dancing in public. I never took him seriously until last fall we went to a family wedding and I forced him to go on the dance floor with me. After an hour of begging, he gave it a try and he nearly had an anxiety attack and had to walk off the dance floor. I could see it in his face and his body froze completely. I was proud of him for making an effort for me, but it wasn’t until that night that I realized this was a serious fear of his.
you encouraging him to come onto the dance floor was definitely an act of love. I’m glad he tried it but also that you’re able to now recognize that it is a genuine fear!! I definitely didn’t realize it until we filmed this
Def wanna hear your mom’s story once she’s comfortable!!!!❤
This was a great pod, honestly never thought I'd see you cover this topic but it's definitely needed. Growing up in a religious household and country where it's always heavily emphasized, it's a lot and sometimes too much from people. Love this! ❤ ps: would love to hear your mom's story whenever she is ready, adoption has always been an interesting story to me
I’ll ask mama marie if she wants to come on :’)
THIS EPISODE IS SO RELATABLE wow with the church and hating your body im so sorry but i’m so happy to see how far y’all have come
i love these chill conversations with sisters! my sister and i talk all the time like this
Whenever I was in high school in 2015-2016, we were still going to select stores that had prom dresses. I think online shopping for dresses/gowns got super popular right after that. And luckily us girls at my school had a fb group where you posted what dress you were wearing to avoid anyone copying each other!
I’ve been waiting for a pod on this, I know you haven’t previously shared too much about your experience with church but I always felt like we were in similar stages in our “faith” and “spiritual journey”. Every pod feels like I’m getting advice and hearing stories from a big sis!
same. i figured it was coming so i’m so glad it’s hereee 😅😊
we love you so much🩷
One of my best friends has a fear of dancing, I used to as a teenager but as an adult I've overcome it through forcing myself to do it but also I slowly stopped caring what other people think when I dance and I just dance to enjoy myself. I tell myself that maybe if people see me dance (I'm terrible) it will make them more comfortable to dance too. I also grew up until high school going to church every Sunday but my mom had an epiphany and stopped going to church and became more spiritual than religious, but I totally relate to everything you both were saying. The shame around our bodies is real!
I love this episode so much!! As someone who grew up going to Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday services I completely agree. My husband and I have had a hard time with deciding if we want to start going to church again. I did it for 25 years straight, took a few years break when Covid hit, and it’s been so refreshing and freeing. You don’t realize how brainwashed you become. I still love God, totally believe in what he did for us, I just don’t have all the condemnation with it. Love you guys and thanks for sharing!!
my high school had a private instagram run by student council where everyone would send and then post their dress for Prom so that no one had the same one😂
omg our producer’s school had prom dress Facebook groups
My HS had a watsapp lol
I love seeing this side of you two. I am a huge fan of red carpet events and talking about influencer events, but the two of you seem like you keep each other grounded and I love to see it. I would love to see more episodes like this. I can relate to you guys a lot on these topics
the episode next week is with Shane, Remi’s brother, and it’s sooo good 🩷 family is so important to all of us and there’s no one that knows us better than our siblings. :’) thank you so much for listening
I really appreciate y'all talking about this. So down to see a siblings episode with Remi and Shane!
Relating to “having a moment to watch something church related” so much! I waited to watch this podcast for that reason. I knew I’d relate so much to this episode ❤️ thanks for validating my experiences by sharing yours! Things I felt like I was the only one to experience, you’ve shared you’ve felt the same! ❤️❤️
This might be one of my favorite pod episodes! I listen to all the pods and I’ve watched the ones with both of them but this one on one was amazing!!!
omg I think this is your best episode this year so far I LOVE these siblings conversations, I hope my sister and I have this kind of conection in a few years when we're on our 30s, thanks girls for this amazing episode
21 and no first kiss yet! Let’s see how long I can keep this streak going 💪💪
slay 💗
SLAY MAMA
I didn't think this was going to be a podcast I needed to hear or would relate to so much! Definitely do more siblings episodes in the future, loved it!
So I feel Ashley’s dance fear! I also grew up in Christian house and I feel like dancing was often over sexualized by society at the time and now I’m terrified of dancing and coming off as inappropriate in some way. And as a Christian you can totally dance but it is a mental thing for me
yess same with wearing anything slightly revealing
I’ve danced my entire life but have social anxiety and sometimes in social situations such as weddings, I shut down too and hate dancing! So I hear you Ashley
I am 33 and my sister is 35 and and we are best friends and I am so happy to see sisterhood like we have. 💜🥰
This episode is now my new favorite, everything you and Ash talk abt really resonated with me and was so eye opening. Thank you for this wow!! Love u guys even more 🥰
This is hands down my favorite duo, loved this. I really hope you do more pods together. I've been watching you both since your first apartment! 💙
Absolutely love hearing you talk about growing up in the Church and deconstructing! Very relatable
started sobbing at the part about soulmates for some reason 😭 but i really really enjoyed this episode !! as an older sister myself i feel like i had to navigate a lot of things on my own so listening to you felt like i was listening to the two older sisters i never had & i loved listening to everything you guys were saying 🤍
I have a fear of dancing too! I grew up with a similar Christian upbringing but I was also just not in touch with my feminine side until probably college? I feel like I missed the boat on dancing because my brain just won’t get out of the way and let me do it and I’ve never really heard of it being called a fear. I even paid someone to choreograph a waltz for my first dance with my husband at my wedding. It feels nice knowing there are others out there ❤
it’s such a valid experience🩷 omg did you already have your first dance?? if so how did it go?
I did! It was about 3.5 years ago and tbh I kinda blacked out, but it was really really helpful having choreography to follow because that gave me something to focus on and I knew exactly what I was supposed to do and when.
Side note though, I had a baby about 7 months ago and dancing and being silly with her has opened me up a little to dancing. I still don’t want to do it in public but I’ve been able to find some joy in letting go and being free with her-so there is hope for all of us chorophobes!
all the girls going to my prom were in a facebook group and we posted our dresses so no one would get the same one and even though we all didn't get along during school, it was a sweet girls supporting girls space.
I SO relate to Ashley on the fear of dancing. I’d rather die than dance. And it’s hard at 28 to be like that especially when everyone around me loves it. I find it harder to meet or talk to guys at bars cause they always want to dance and I will incessantly shut them down on it. And they usually end up dancing with my friends and I get left sitting on a barstool alone. Like I will absolutely start shutting down if people try to force me to dance. It’s the quickest way to make me want to go home, no matter how much fun we were having before
I LOVE a sibling episode, both of you slay so hard
Thank you so much for covering this topic. It’s very relatable and much needed.
Yay I woke up to a new episode! I will listen right now before work shift 😊
We need a part 2 this was soo good!!!
I never know I needed this episode until now. I truly loved this perspective of you and Ashley! Hope remi enjoyed Japan!!
Would love to hear your moms story. And Ashley, I totally relate to you with the dancing thing 😭😭😭
As not only someone who grew up in the church, but am a pastor's kid as well, I really resonate with this episode. It has just been in the last year to three years that I have started to try to shift some thinking when it comes to my body. I definitely see how purity culture has done damage to the ways we as Christians think, act, and feel about many things. The church and growing up a Christian is so valuable to me and overall a very good experience, but it ain't perfect, we aren't perfect, and there's always room for improvement and different ways to view things.
I just turned 30 recently too and I can relate to Alisha's feelings about turning 30 so much.
For someone who did not grow up in a very religous environment this was such an interesting episode to listen to!! 🥰
The matching thing is definitely a sister thing! I hateeee matching but my best friend (who has no sisters) wants to match constantly!
Love that you guys have your own taste. Makes things more fun and less rivalry etc.
Would love to hear more about your religious upbringing and how it affected both of you! And things in your 30s! Both topics I enjoyed listening to this episode :)
Ashley, we're the sameeee! Thank you for speaking about it. So it's anxiety level.
I would loooove a podcast for business advice for start ups! 😍 And a little more in depth about how your business journies have gone!
Saw the title & I’m SAT for this conversation 👏🏻
Completely understand the matching thing! My class had a whole Facebook page where we would post our dresses so we wouldn't match.
Gurl the church stuff is so relatable ❤️🔥
Love the podcast OMG Ashley is giving me Jennifer Anderson vibes that really suits her I love a sibling episode ps please take care 🫶🫂👍❤️x love from Dundee Scotland 🏴
"I am that Innocent" is how i will now forever sing that song . Epic .
I'm not a Christian, but I feel like this pod is so helpful to those that are. You ladies are killing it!
Keep doing you, and keep the great content coming.
P.S. I'm not usually a pod kinda person, but I thoroughly enjoyed this, so thank you.
Also, RIP XO. IYKYK. 😭
Prom in 2006 was so simple. My dress was $20. Some girls were getting custom dresses but they were nothing like that are now.
ive always wanted them to talk about this!
I thrifted my prom dress no one else had it and it was long enough to wear my converse , low messy ponytail!but the colour was so popular the year I graduated so it’s was teal blue and dark purple everywhere
really curious about what your views on marriage are, after hearing you both talk about the ability to have multiple soulmates throughout the course of your life, how does that reflect in your thoughts on marriage? loved this episode and love you both! 🫶
the episode i didn’t know i needed!
Omg my fear of dancing is next level! I had a Covid wedding where dancing wasn’t allowed and I was low key so happy I had that excuse
ash goal of 2023, start dancing alone in your room & let go of the thought of ppl watching and just let yourself BE you ! It doesn’t matter who’s around, just do it !!!!
Ash - I have a fear of dancing too. I was also a gymnast so i can move, but pls don't make me dance. Taking barre has helped a lot! I want to take a zumba type dance class when i feel ready, but it's one step at a time :)
Such a great conversation love y’all
I love you!!!!
I think the church has a lot of work to do in the translation from whom we're called to be and how we're called to act. People in the church are very hypocritical and come to church one day and leave after the service acting no different, and that's sad. I think the people in the church are capable of changing the narrative, their hearts are not. I am a Non-Denominational Christian and have seen a lot of younger people leaving the church because they were not welcomed, it's heartbreaking. I'm sorry that you guys didn't have a good experience and I realize you're not alone. I try to be like Jesus and be a kind human to everybody, no matter what, every single day. Much love and prayers, Seilah ❤
I had prom last weekend and near the end of the night, I saw a girl that had the same dress as me😭I didn’t really mind cause I LOVED my dress and wouldn’t want to have any other dress. It was a lilac color (similar to aisha’s shirt) and had floral embellishments and sparkles and i felt so pretty
Loved this episode!
Love that you guys talk about church trama it’s so real
I understand where this is coming from and I know that it is mentioned that y’all know it is not how everyone grew up/experienced it but I just wanted to throw it out there for anyone and everyone who needs to hear it. That is not God. The trama and pressure you felt was from those twisting His words. Yes, God calls you to be modest and not lead others to sin, but…. in an all encapsulating way God is nothing but love and Jesus came to die for our brokenness and sin. I believe in the church as God says, the “church” that we have made “religion” collide with is not His will. God loves all the broken, that’s why He sent His one and only son to die for us!
The way that I clicked on this SO FAST because CAN RELATE
That’s exactly how I feel about dancing in public!! Like I literally cannot function if put in that situation at all and I also grew up in a strict religious household
Love the episode love you both!.. but what about getting your oldest brother on the pod?
Loved this episode 🫶🏻🩷
Loved this episode!!!
Prom is so crazy now a days, like my sister had her senior prom last year and the shop that we bought her dress from, we couldn't buy her dress until they knew that no one else IN OUR WHOLE COUNTY didn't also have the same dress already. It is ridiculous, thankfully no one had the dress she wanted, but if someone else already had it, we couldn't get it for her. Some girls couldn't get their dream dress because someone else, who didn't go to the same school as them, already had it.
Binchtopia did a podcast episode called “I Dont Want to Go to Gay Heaven” and I loved how they talked about reframing your idea of god based on what you interpret and not from what the church has taught u
“I’ll try my best to bop” 😂😂 I feel you.
love this episode
@11:54 I graduated in 2013/2014 era - our prom made a Facebook group just for prom dress photos to make sure ours weren’t matching 😮
As an adopted child myself, if mama marie will ever share her story… i just hope only if she will be comfortable enough🤍🤍🤍
omg Alisha your makeup slayed extra today
My favorite episode thus far ❤
Ash’s hair is SLAYINGG
like SOOO good
That purple is so pretty on you Alisha!
This was a great episode❤❤
Hahahaha Ashley’s description of Alisha being born is exactly how my older sister said she felt when I was born 😂😂
I relate so much to growing up in a strict church and how that has impacted my life in a negative way! God is good but some of these places are NOT.
I, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE THAT CD CAME FROM!!! Def thought I made that memory up! 😂😂 also, fellow Lance crush here 😂😬
I never think that I’m going to show up somewhere and someone is going to be wearing the same outfit as me. It has happened. And I didn’t care. It just means we both have good taste 💁🏻♀️I think it’s really sad when people don’t believe someone when they say, they don’t want to do some thing. Like the dancing. If you have a friend doesn’t want to go on the Dancefloor, don’t make them. If they wanted to they would. Do you think she’s just being a fun sucker? No! Have you ever seen her dance? No! Just be gentle and let them be. I don’t have a dance phobia but I can see how people would.
yes! i think it’s so fun to match someone
Omg I wouldn’t change either of my prom dresses for anything. My jr prom dress was this gorgeous gold dress that made me feel like a celebrity or like a literal Oscar award lol my sr prom dress was short with a tutu because I left prom early to go to a rave. It was v cute and I think I still have it. I actually wore the gold dress again in college.
yall are just my favorite AHH
Clicked immediately bc your both still religious so I’m so interested
Omg Ashley I have the same fear of dancing. I totally thought it was just me!
I loved this episode
i have a fear of dancing and i thought it was so weird OMG . just going to the club and my friends are trying to get me to dance i literally was dying
not weird at all!!!!
I did pole workout classes and we would do freestyle for the last 5-10 mins lights off moody music everyone did their thing it was scary but so empowering.. I need to go back to this classes
Omg that’s so fun
I was def worried about wearing the same dress to prom! but then senior yearrrrrr boom, I'm 1 of either 3 or 4, I cant remember. But honestly, I kinda loved? Since then I've never cared cuz it literally didnt matter haha. I loved my junior and senior year dresses, I wouldn't change them!
As a girly with her own religious trauma I appreciated this episode. There is so much shame and guilt to be broken as an adult that we shouldn't have in the first place! :/
I had the same CD and listened to the hell out of it
in our school, we had a facebook group where girls of the prom grade would post the picture of their dress (first come first serve) to ensure nobody was buying the same dress
One thing about the matching thing, Remi and Tarynne are both the only girl and they have brothers while you two are sister (with a brother you presumably are as close to as with eachother) and I have a sister too so maybe it’s a sister thing bc I feel the same