Terrifying Ocean Stories w/ Theo Von | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Highlight
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- čas přidán 9. 08. 2023
- Highlight From Episode 197: • Wildest Shark Attacks ...
Tom Segura shows Theo Von a bunch of horrifying clips of incidents in the ocean, which leads them to share their own experiences.
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“I dont vacation anywhere the bible happened” lol
I cracked up so hard on that one!
theo is something else dude
Freaking genius.
Excellent idea.
@@melancholyeel calm down
The best advice I ever got in Hawaii was “if the locals aren’t in the water, you don’t go in the water”.
Someone's paying attention. As someone who is born X raised from hawai'i thats 1 of 2 things we try to tell them and also if the rocks are wet don't stand there. I rescued my fair share of tourists who don't listen to us locals 🤦🏾♂️
@ufa621 wow good for you
And don't go surfing/paddling of you can't swim
I think that's the best advice you can an could give anyone
lmao shit 3 ft deep is good enough for me I’m real fucking close to land I’m about to just stand up when I see something
I was Navy from 17 to 25 during OEF after 9/11. I lived in the ocean, the real middle of nowhere, for 159 days during the war. If you want to see terrifying and awe struck at the same time, witness a storm in the north Atlantic with waves at 60 ft tall and lightning streaming all around you while you rush to carry chains and tie down the birds on deck. The wind goes in every direction at once sometimes and it freezes you in place, or at least that's what it felt like. I have also seen the ocean so calm it was like a mirror, and you could not tell the sky from the ocean without looking at the wake. It was the most amazing experience of my life and I am dam proud to be a US Sailor. A man should be so lucky.
Thank you for serving our country, brother
My Dad was in the Navy in the late 80s / early 90s and tells similar stories. He says they’d be in a huge storm looking at waves bigger and taller than you could imagine and the only thing scarier is knowing the same thing is happening when it’s pitch black. You’re just along for the ride.
So many people didn't read this comment cause it's too much reading for them 😆
❤️🫡
Thank you for your service
I want to like Bert so much but you can’t deny it’s so much better when he’s not around
Right now Bert is spiraling and needs to drop the alcohol and sober up.
I think he is likeable he is just not funny. I have tried watching his stuff and just cannot bring myself to keep viewing for more than a minute or two.
Why would you want that
@@JamesExcell-InterJexspiraling how?😂😂😂
Bert os is fine yall bots, yall forgetting the kool aid bit?
The ocean doesn’t want to kill you, but it is completely indifferent to your survival.
Neither is the land.
Knew a guy that drowned our freshman year of college. Went to high school with him. He was a star athlete. One of the most athletic guys I’ve ever seen. Grew up swimming. He drowned one day in a lake. That taught me a valuable lesson. No one is too good to drown. Always respect the water.
Sounds like another AI comment
Yea but you left out the fact that he was 87 at the time, had arthritis in his pelvis and was 67 years past his prime.
The water is a cruel mistress
Just drowned? Walked in the the lake and never came up? There has to be more to that story.
Huh? Sounds like you drowned them because that just doesn’t make any sense
0:36 "There's worse than that??" LMAO Theo can be so sweet and innocent sometimes 🤣
Yeah. When he's not doing drugs.
He licked his lips immediately after saying that lmao
The ocean's so heartless. It's so heartless, man. It's like wet time."
I freakin love Theo.He’s got such a kind soul,
@@justkidding8304 We all have Light and Dark within us.There both two sides of one coin..Both are needed to progress a Souls evolution forward..
You stay sweet and lovely, and don’t you even peak at the dark arts! 😂
I’d love to see a podcast of Danny McBride and Theo Von he should have him on this past weekend
The Draven himself
Theo needs to be on Righteous Gem Stone
When you’re caught in a rip tide never swim against it. Swim left or right of it. Keep in mind some of rip currents can be wide. So don’t panic if it takes out a little bit. The most important thing is to conserve as much energy as you can while swimming laterally.
Tom lookin more and more like Hard Rock Nick every day
Being in the ocean is so comforting, but I agree going snorkeling, when the sand becomes a black hole, can be pretty terrifying
Even reading that gave me goosebumps
Theo calling the ocean “wet time” has got to be the most creative yet accurate description of the ocean i’ve ever heard
Lol rip tide
These are the best episodes, the ones without Bert.
New show: 1 bear 1 cave 1 guest
Bert's lack of self-awareness has caused him to be unable to realize most of us are pretty much done trying to tolerate him on this podcast.
@@WhiteCheddar.more like 1 otter, toms getting skinny
It’s weird to heard them talk about a serious situation while everyone in the background is belly laughing lol
Theos only getting better... hes becoming a great.
Big fans of both of you. I'm a Colorado Native. Mountains dont scare me. I've been trained to survive in the Mountains. But Iam TERRIFIED of the ocean. What happened to Segura happened to me almost to a 'T" i was in Daytona ( strong swimmer since I was a kid ) And in a split second I was swept out to sea. Like 50 yards off the Coast absolutely terrified! I saw life guards jumping off their chairs just as remembered ( just like Segura said ) just basically go limp and let the tide take you in... Sorry, for the long-winded post.
Both my favorite comedians in one room.
If a shark ever gets a hold of you and pulls you under water, try to reason with it and call the police immediately. This is why you should always have a waterproof phone.
I can’t stop laughing at this. 😅😅😅😅
Tom is for sure the star of the two bears show.
That's because Bert isn't very funny.
@luandong3044 he's not funny at all what are you talking about
@@jroc6354sometimes watching him embarrass himself gets a couple good chuckles out of me
Tom and theo leave space for the jokes. Great podcast.
Love you Guys for being sooooo Real😊😊😊
Philosopher Theo on the ocean: "It's like wet time"
‘And the father kept recording’ 😂ffs
To get out of a riptide you're meant to swim parallel to the shore until you escape the zone that's pulling you out. Not just let it take you out 😅
Two of my favorite comics. Simply the best ❤
The lady that lost her leg by the great white that was swimming off the cruise ship. Crazy watching it come up from the blue to grab her and people screaming. like a movie.
Without Bert this pods actually enjoyable
a hundred percent
Amen
I legit thought I was the only one who didn't like him. His "laugh" is the most annoying thing I've ever heard and he's not funny at all
You’re not the only loser with an opinion that doesn’t matter don’t worry @@handypropertymaintenancelt1692
They’re both incredibly corny. Just here for Theo.
I don’t even try to miss Bert anymore. Any clip without him is automatically better
Theo speaking this softly at the start.. he needs to narrate movies or meditation. So relaxing 🩵🙌🏻✨
Theo-- Water is like wet time. Nice one.
First Theo sentence and I’m dying laughing
I went swimming in a bay in Hawai'i once and my foot hit something real solid under the water. I got out of that water REAL fast.
As an Australian I was always taught to swim parallel to the beach when caught in a rip. Then when you're out of it swim back in, don't try to go back in the same way.
Yeah it seems we got and still give the best education when it comes to the beach.
Makes sense though, nearly all of us live on the coast.
I thought as an Australian they would’ve taught you to avoid the water altogether lol. Scary out there
@@nigelthornberry9484 nah mate, the worst I've ever come across are blue bottles and the occasional stingray. Safe as
Here’s the thing, you do live near it, you were taught some basics, and your type is also never the ones drowning. It’s the people visiting that don’t live near and never had one word of advice needed taught to them because they are from waaayyy inland. Duh, simple concept tho huh? 😉🫣😂
Theo is amazing!
Theo looks like an NPC with them specs lmao
The laughing in the back ground 😂
An uncle once wrestled a 7' Bull Shark that had bit his nephews arm off. Dragged it to the shore where a ranger shot it in the head. The uncle cut the 🦈 open to get his nephews arm. Was able to retrieve it and get it to the hospital in time to be reattached. Oh it happened in Florida
Wow! What a story. Is your cousin still in possession of his arm?
@@markadler8968 They are of no relation to me. Just a crazy beach story.
I've wrestled a 30 inch jumbo Koi fish from off of my foot while wearing a pair of Stacey Adams dress shoe when I tripped and fell into a Koi pond at a Japanese restaurant. It was horrific!
Theo? This you?
@@disguiseddv8ant486did you take a little bite of that tasty catfish?
While commercially fishing salmon in Alaska we thought we had a big group of fish,It was instead a seven foot shark!My boss was on top of the motor screaming at me to get it out of the boat!
Nothing scarier than being in the ocean and realizing there are no fish around, *I'm FUCKED*, IS A REAL FEAR REACTION that came to mind as he spoke it. What an amazing comedian without even trying to be funny he still kills you. No pun intended.
Tom and Theo: "On Maui the ocean is the biggest danger"
Meanwhile, Maui: [burning the f down]
People escaping INTO the ocean to get away from the fire
Yeah I suppose being caught in a one on a million fire might be a little more dangerous.
Theo Von knowns reactions are the best.
Theo was in Hawaii getting some of that Khalayla Tuna Fish Patty
i’ve lived in fl my entire life & i always tell people to check the current before they swim. if you’re here, they send out rip current warnings so i’m not sure why people aren’t getting the warnings or taking them seriously
Theo is almost kid-like at times ...I think hes one of the coolest people of our age !
Remedial, basic and nothing special about him, not sure how he’s famous or a comedian. Completely lost on me and I actually know some decent name comedians one as big as him. Sorry, Theo doesn’t get hate from me but no love either tho, his act baffles me, is AMerica that dumb they’re that easily entertained?!?
Both Tom and Theo have brilliant moments. Theo has idiot savant moments... like Peter Sellers in Being There. Like Charlie Chaplin at times.
Yo when Theo said the Ocean is cruel and it's "like wet time" it blew my fucking mind hahaha
Remake "Being There" with Theo Von in the Chance the Gardener role. I'd watch that!
✡️
Just seeing this footage alone upsets me genuinely. Does anyone else have that? I mean i feel like wtf do you even want to watch that or have a show about it because its not worth it type of upset.
It should upset you. It means you aren't a psychopath. But you should also watch things like this anyway so that you don't have any illusions about what the world is like and how quickly life can end. That dude likely thought he was going to go home, eat dinner, have sex, wake up tomorrow, answer some emails, send some videos to his friends. Nope. Fish turds. He became fish turds. And really that's the ultimate question in life and death: What kind of turds will you end up being?
Yeah. Theo had a sad comment like- theres more? I dont like to watch that stuff ... something like that.
We see so much people get used to it but yeah the less I see now the better. I didn't watch and just listened to them talkwhen they was playing the man's death . I'm glad tou put this cause I been thinking a lot like this lately too
These are good stories.
Just a few weeks ago, one of the best and most popular athletes that the University of Arkansas has ever had, quarterback Ryan Mallett, who by the way was 6’7 probably 250, drowned due to a rip tide in Florida. Very sad day for us in Arkansas. But goes to show that it doesn’t matter how big, how strong or how athletic you are. The ocean will always win. RIP Ryan Mallett
Rip tides are so fucking scary but if you know how to escape them you will all the time..by swimming sideways or at an angle and not fighting that strong tide
Well football and swimming are totally different skills. Athleticism (strength and agility) doesn't equate skill.
It does still all stem from the hubris of man.
Being big or having more muscle is actually not that great for swimming, more muscle on you, the more oxygen your body needs.
@@JoseGonz0908 Nope. You can produce more force against a riptide which would give you a better chance of getting out.
The oceN does not always win you disrespectful fool.
"You're the lifeguard!"
"No....."
The guy in the background laughing got me! 😂 😂😂LMFAO
Tom projectile laughing the word “Think” has me rolling 😂😂
I was caught in a riptide in California a couple years back. Was terrified when all of a sudden all the sand beneath my feet was gone and I quickly remembered you need to go around it basically and swim back. And I'm a strong swimmer who grew up swimming in Colorado rapids. Thankfully did not experience it while in the méditerranéen..
My favorite part was the laughing coming from outside the studio lmaoo
If anyone listens to Tom on how to deal with the rip current, you will die.
He even explained that you're not supposed to just swim straight back and then proceeded to describe doing exactly that. The whole point of swimming along the shore instead of back to shore is so that you're not fighting the current while you get out of it.
My mom and i got caught in a riptide in Mexico. We were both crazy athletic and by the time we got back, we were just crying and so fucking exhausted. Shit was terrifying. She just told me to go and not try and help her. 😩
Nah bro I understand the panic. U done exactly what not to do by exhausting yourself instead of letting the ride tide take you and if u need once your free you call for the lifeguard. As im writing this he talks about it 😂😂😂
@@DwarfDt we were on a secluded beach. We've always been thrill seekers from the snow to the sea. That was a wake up call.
@@rachelroberts633 I almost drowned in Spain with my dad because I didn't listen to him. Was maybe 12 at most 120lbs. My dad tells me if I want to go to the inside of the waterfall I need to swim under the crashing water to avoid the wall of water. But instead I tried to muscle myself through swimming and my head instantly got taken underneath and whereever your head goes the body follows along. This send me into my first ever 70% panic under the water thinking I might drown because I dont know what way is up to swim but I quickly took action and flailed into the right position to swim for air too me it felt like the best breath of air in my life. Turn out I never made it through the waterfall and popped right back out where I started. But my sister listened to my dad and was already inside with his help so I quickly tried again and made it in. Unforgettable moments in life like that make me grateful for life. My dad probs pretended to not see it to test my grit🤣
@@DwarfDt pretty sure if they made the wrong call they would be dead lol every situation is different. The ocean doesn’t just have a schedule for when it’ll let you swim back on shore before getting drifted out another 50- 100 feet
You know Bert would say he could fight off the shark
Bert was the one that split the sea not moses
I can remember when my grandfather took me on a 2 day deep sea fishing trip way out in the Gulf of Mexico ( about 45 miles out ) off the coast of Alabama….and it was fun and we caught loads of fish …but over time I began to feel disoriented…if your a landlubber you’ll soon realize that you’ll have a hard time knowing what direction your looking at…nothing but a flat navy blue wet desert ( basically that’s what the ocean is )…..and who knows what monsters are swimming around below the surface!
It made me appreciate landmarks and…I felt like kissing the ground when we got back to port ! 😂
The amazing fish fillets that we took home was well with it ! 😋🐟
I also became fascinated with pirates…I always wonder what it was like to see a ship with a 🏴☠️ and coming closer and closer to your merchant ship..a terrifying thought imo. Also fascinated with the Polynesian navigators who used small boats to cross vast expanses of the Pacific..like that’s incredible and brave if you think about it ! 🗿
I don’t watch a lot of that, but I will look at it😂😂😂😂
“I guess you’d want to record since it’s your last time seeing him.” Theo is a mess. 😂
Having grown up on the Pacific Ocean it was impressed upon us that our playground is the single most dangerous "living organism" extent.
One of the strangest sensations is losing sight of land. Especially on a small craft. You become cellular, insignificant.
The greatest attraction of surfing is that cooperative dance in/on this incredible destructive force that almost killed me a half dozen times...
Is English a second language for you or do you just insist on speaking poetically despite being really bad at it?
Speak plainly, like a normal person. Save the flowery prose for your blog
NOTHING!!! more humbling than the ocean! and it's my Love.
#roatan
#thalassophile
#dontbeadumbass
i got a Hammerhead story you wouldn't believe.
@@MrPhunkiMonkeydo tell. And tag me please
Me and some buddies paddled out of Sandy’s beach on Oahu in 40 foot storm swells. No boards, no fins. That’s a notorious beach breaking wave area and when these waves would break, they were so powerful, they sent a wave back the other direction. We were the only 3 people in the water. Everyone else was in the parking area watching us. I know it was stupid, but floating up the face of the waves was so big and fast, it took your breath away.
OmG, you idiot, Sandy’s is thumping. I’m a world travelling surfer and a small day at Waimea just taking a sunset swim to cool off almost turned deadly, not to say I’m never scared but not many places in the world make me legit concerned and I truly almost couldn’t get back in to shore. I legit had that convo with myself in my head and had a mini panic. Fack! 15-20mins later some late teen early 20s young ‘local’ actually Hawaiian kids literally had to be saved and one had a boogie even! I had a good laugh with them cause they’re local! 🫣🤣👀
Aw… Theo was so innocent and soft spoken ❤
:3 rawr
Theo reminds me of Brain from Family Guy when he wore the glasses for attention 😂😂😂
Can you imagine theo doing the brent laugh? Holding his hand out to stop everyone from talking ehile he weezes
Now...Bert getting attacked by a shark. That I could watch.
wet time....theo sometimes you are so poetic
Crescent City, Cali. Wicked wicked r.i.p. currents.
That " I don't travel anywhere the Bible happened" fuckin killed me 😂😂🤣🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
5 years ago and we don’t get Tom’s new fire Netflix specials.
I like this guy ymh guy
I had a crazy episode when i was 8 at long beach, shit was wild but im here chillin safe and sound 😂
How depressing..
Just last month I was snorkeling in Costa Rica off of the Playas de Coco and got caught in a rip current and that was pretty jarring. I was trying to swim back and was going literally as hard as I physically could, trying to swim as fast as I could, and I looked down at the sand to see I wasn’t even moving at all. It was terrifying, humbling, and exhausting.
The video that surfaced earlier this year from Australia when the guy got bit in half by a great white shark was actually a location where a friend of mine had sent me videos! My buddy in Australia walks on that Golf Course property and has sent me videos from that same area! I could not imagine swimming even though we shouldn't let alone swimming in that part of the ocean
That Australian shark attack video was insane, the most jarring one I'd ever seen. What an absolute horrible way to die. I will not dip a toe in the ocean.
@@melancholyeel right! Ocean=HELL NO for me haha I told Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees) that Jason keeps me out of lakes and Jaws keeps me out of the ocean... he said I was a pųsssssssy and we both had a hell of a good laugh cause I am man enough to admit I am freaking terrified of SHARKS 🦈
@@Humongous420 you met Kane Hodder? Lucky sob. There is literally nothing more terrifying than floating in an abyss surrounded by things that will actually eat you or at least try to take a chomp out of you (don't get me started on 🐊). Makes me shiver.
I Don't Mean to Impose but I Am the Ocean- The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza
I think it goes beyond panic- like, immediately to accepting your fate. When my father taught me to surf, we had a shark "encounter". He told me to just paddle back- I was upset and angry that he didn't "attempt" to save me. When we got back to the beach he said "If that shark wanted you, there was nothing I could do anyway." He was right then, and he's right now! 🤣
Watching this, I thought "something's weird, doesn't feel right", penny drops..."oh, Tom's saying words, and sentences"!!
"Wet time" is underrated
My biggest fear is being over deep bodies of water lol fuck that shit
When I was a kid I thought the lake was 700 feet deep because I didnt understand how they used elevation to report lake levels. Freaked me the fuck out.
Bob Marley really analyzing that footage with genuine interest. 😂
That’s the most serious I’ve ever seen Tom.
What has this world come to. While watching a video of a man getting literally eaten alive by sharks we have people laughing their asses off and cracking jokes. Wild man.
Thats always how the world has been. Thats how we deal with sad shit. So we dont get depressed all the time.
Protect Theo at all costs.
He is The. Best. 🤣
“1/30 of the urban kids” 😂🤣🤣 Jesus Christ Theo
I lived on the coast in Humbolt County Ca for ten years In that time I met no less then 5 guys that had been bit by great whites I guess about a hundred yards off the coast is littered with juvenile Great Whites
Juveniles are the ones to worry about
Why does Theo look like he is impersonating Bobby with those glasses on lol
My friend and I were swimming in the ocean by Cape Town, didn't pay attention for 2 min an got dragged out about 900m. Its scary to see people get small on the beach
shark snack vid is so crazy it almost looks like a movie
“I don’t vacation anywhere the Bible happened” omfg 😂
Good idea to listen to a guy afraid of even going in the water. It's beautiful and worth the experience swimming in the water. I always have an ankle knife with me just in case. :)
SWIM DIAGONALLY please people the rip will ALWAYS win
Theo's specials are good but his interactions with others are gold
my first time in the ocean i was in Fla, I was 5y/o.. I was in water up to my waist and a wave came over my head and slammed me to the bottom... then it draged me along the bottom, into a rip current. When I popped up I was about 70 ft off shore and being pulled out to sea. I was rescued by boat. That's my first time in the Ocean stroy.
BRING BACK BER... oh... wait this is fine...
If the locals don't swim there, don't go
I don’t see Bert, I click.
Lol wonder if Bert is aware of how people are liking him less and less everytime he opens his mouth
I used to surf everyday in the summer on the east coast and then during my time in Hawaii. The ocean demabds the most respect, it almost took me twice.