Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions XVI

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  • čas přidán 30. 11. 2016
  • I like spicy food, but just so I can sweat without having to exercise.
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    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
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Komentáře • 316

  • @allysonmarie3823
    @allysonmarie3823 Před 7 lety +36

    The stock market joke was so funny hahaha

  • @ivonnecayabyab4262
    @ivonnecayabyab4262 Před 7 lety +156

    Confession: I wish I was that envelope.

  • @pensologohesito
    @pensologohesito Před 7 lety +59

    That envelope... Mrs. Colbert is a happy woman.

  • @aliceyong2809
    @aliceyong2809 Před 7 lety +34

    Stephen Colbert is very talented!

  • @maxpowr90
    @maxpowr90 Před 7 lety +41

    I can't wait for Midnight Confessions XXX.

    • @neuralmute
      @neuralmute Před 7 lety +15

      Especially if we get to hear more about his superhero costume fetish...

    • @kenek629
      @kenek629 Před 2 lety

      So upsetting that he didn't dedicate XXX to all r-rated jokes

  • @edlinkproductions231
    @edlinkproductions231 Před 7 lety +211

    U can see Stephen is pretty pissed at Trump

    • @gia257
      @gia257 Před 7 lety +16

      well he's used to it, after the bush era, in fact he must be sharpening his knife, all he needs is trump to make some mistakes and here we go ratings

    • @119mr.president2
      @119mr.president2 Před 7 lety +2

      David Dau GOD BLESS PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP

    • @lrenterx7564
      @lrenterx7564 Před 7 lety +23

      David Dau so is more than 1/2 the country. we have a pussygraber by president.

    • @Dadododa-ti8ty
      @Dadododa-ti8ty Před 7 lety +3

      +lrenter x and a........as a first lady.....

    • @juscratchinmaballs
      @juscratchinmaballs Před 7 lety +1

      +David Dau and probably vice-versa. :P

  • @OriginalPiMan
    @OriginalPiMan Před 7 lety +32

    He says that, but there is still one tip. He just takes it back inside with him when he gets his food.

  • @miklassic
    @miklassic Před 7 lety +9

    Stamps taste even more awesome

  • @mariedaparellio5686
    @mariedaparellio5686 Před 7 lety +7

    "Sometimes there's no tip at all"
    Oh, there's definitely a tip, just probably not the one the delivery guy was expecting.

  • @MsCygnusX1
    @MsCygnusX1 Před 7 lety +5

    Awe, man! I wanted to see him eat dressing and bacon bits out of a taco salad shell.

  • @katra777
    @katra777 Před 7 lety +20

    he never did a Hungry for Power Games with Hillary

    • @1mfilms
      @1mfilms Před 7 lety +2

      Yeah! It would have been amazing to see him bring back the character one more time.

  • @cchege
    @cchege Před 7 lety +25

    Are we going to get the last "Hungry For Power Games"

  • @InsekiJisatsu
    @InsekiJisatsu Před 7 lety +56

    Broccoli is the bomb. What the fuck

    • @BettyBonkers
      @BettyBonkers Před 7 lety +5

      NathanielTheOtaku especially with cheese

    • @yamigekusu
      @yamigekusu Před 7 lety +7

      NathanielTheOtaku I love Broccoli with Thai peanut curry. That shit is delicious!!

    • @Broockle
      @Broockle Před 7 lety +6

      A lot of people call me Broccoli

    • @JHD42
      @JHD42 Před 7 lety +2

      Indeed. Again this baseless slander of a delicious vegetable!

    • @deadinside3396
      @deadinside3396 Před 6 lety

      Nathan I love broccoli too but it gives me gas lol.

  • @oneofeverything9820
    @oneofeverything9820 Před 7 lety +3

    I LOVE THIS SEGMENT. he needs to do it more often 😂😂

  • @TheRolexseller
    @TheRolexseller Před 7 lety +57

    Some envelopes are better than others

  • @katekate1026
    @katekate1026 Před 7 lety +5

    Stephen is awesome!

  • @shetlandhandle3164
    @shetlandhandle3164 Před 7 lety +8

    I want to believe Colbert is the real deal because I want to believe that people are still good.

  • @SiskinOnUTube
    @SiskinOnUTube Před 7 lety +25

    I hate it when I'm only wearing underpants when the postman has a parcel I have to sign for. I don't have a punchline. Its just a statement of fact.

    • @evelynalberto442
      @evelynalberto442 Před 7 lety

      Siskin's Bits and Bobs hahaha a happy

    • @deadinside3396
      @deadinside3396 Před 6 lety

      Siskins Bits you could have had a punchline about packages haha

  • @nataliearreola6361
    @nataliearreola6361 Před 7 lety +10

    Stephen should run for president. I would vote for him.

  • @amihanathabagat
    @amihanathabagat Před 7 lety +22

    Mr Colbert, what about some guilt for keeping quiet about the plight of native Americans and supporters fighting against the Dakota Access Pipe Line? #notoDAPL

    • @sinaireyes6759
      @sinaireyes6759 Před 7 lety +23

      exactly why isn't anybody talking about it....oh right we have Trumps tweets to talk about.😡😡

    • @saitamatrash2527
      @saitamatrash2527 Před 7 lety

      Bernadette Mendoza apparently they changed the route. And one guy, Trevor Noah speaks about it.

  • @fclavijo
    @fclavijo Před 7 lety +3

    love this segment

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 7 lety +17

    The point of being a practicing Catholic is the 'practice', I think.. nobody is expected to actually get any good at it.

    • @lamingtongirl123
      @lamingtongirl123 Před 7 lety +1

      New Message tell this to a surgeon

    • @NewMessage
      @NewMessage Před 7 lety +5

      lamingtongirl123 I believe I specified 'Catholic'... Yep, yep there it is. Reading, however, like surgery, requires plenty of practice.

    • @Garium87
      @Garium87 Před 7 lety +2

      You really have a talent for comedy.

  • @farithjarir7616
    @farithjarir7616 Před 7 lety +2

    Broccoli joke really cracks me up... perfftttt ;D

  • @lamingtongirl123
    @lamingtongirl123 Před 7 lety +5

    As a catholic this was accurate

  • @carina7901
    @carina7901 Před 7 lety +1

    I love this segment

  • @blarblablarblar
    @blarblablarblar Před 7 lety

    This one is a real gem

  • @WannabeWryter
    @WannabeWryter Před 7 lety +1

    2:20 yes preach

  • @funkyalfonso
    @funkyalfonso Před 7 lety +6

    Make envelopes great again.

  • @95js95
    @95js95 Před 7 lety +11

    That ending cut was one of the weirdest I have seen recently.

  • @karandeepsingh7815
    @karandeepsingh7815 Před 7 lety

    Best segment

  • @konstm.s.236
    @konstm.s.236 Před 7 lety +2

    5:41 Just the tip........ Giggty

  • @supershinigami1
    @supershinigami1 Před 7 lety +14

    I won't forgive him.

    • @ThatGuyNikolas
      @ThatGuyNikolas Před 7 lety +22

      supershinigami1 Said the food delivery guy.....

  • @DuranmanX
    @DuranmanX Před 7 lety +11

    Confession: I actually wanted Trump to win
    Another confession, my last confession was lie
    and so was this one

  • @jjm0537
    @jjm0537 Před 7 lety +10

    I think it should be the opposite. You should tip the delivery guy $1 less for every clothing you're wearing, and $10 by default if you're wearing none.

  • @dataspek
    @dataspek Před 7 lety +4

    If I tipped using that method, I'd go broke.

  • @socrappyicoulddie
    @socrappyicoulddie Před 7 lety +4

    Can I please be that envelope

  • @dustinbonk4161
    @dustinbonk4161 Před 7 lety +6

    Envelopes do taste good...

  • @MicaylaRuby
    @MicaylaRuby Před 7 lety +2

    "I have a fake service dog" *knows he is kidding*
    *insides still die a little*

  • @asliuf
    @asliuf Před 7 lety +1

    yo jon batiste - sick organ playing!!!

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 7 lety +86

    How many gay porn scripts does he get?!?! I mean, I don't send him that many...

  • @virgochic8415
    @virgochic8415 Před 7 lety +6

    how I categorize Stephens sins gluttony, avarice, wrath, avarice, sloth, gluttony, wrath, gluttony, sloth, sloth, gluttony, lust, wrath, sloth, pride, avarice, pride, sloth, lust.

  • @deadinside3396
    @deadinside3396 Před 6 lety

    I love these confessions but I also wouldn't mind seeing more Tuck Buckford haha. oooh my god,.. Colbert: I think Christmas has become too commercialized, is what I tell people I forget to buy presents for". LMAO

  • @DiplomatFilms
    @DiplomatFilms Před 7 lety +3

    Stephen has taken plenty of breaks lately.

  • @sherricarrievioletalpha448

    Favorite part is 2:29, That is how I feel too.

  • @Davidvp
    @Davidvp Před 6 lety

    best section

  • @catmom1322
    @catmom1322 Před 7 lety

    He forgot, "Bless me Father for I have sinned..."

  • @Theproclaimed
    @Theproclaimed Před 6 lety

    The LIVE IMPEACHMENT episode Will be amazing

  • @resplendentwitticism
    @resplendentwitticism Před 7 lety +1

    I feel like this segment should start off with Usher's confessions.

  • @angelcitygirl
    @angelcitygirl Před 7 lety

    He's adorable.

  • @kdeloris2225
    @kdeloris2225 Před 7 lety

    OMG this man is so crazy lol

  • @chinookvalley
    @chinookvalley Před 7 lety +1

    I mean if there's no clothes, and no tip? Uh, whatcha go goin' on down there?

  • @jaredsmith6495
    @jaredsmith6495 Před 7 lety +1

    oh, there is always a tip

  • @rc9565
    @rc9565 Před 7 lety +3

    my lapse Catholic confession about fork in the eye is even worse than yours

  • @gw4792
    @gw4792 Před 7 lety +3

    your right that isn't a sin I do that too 2:39

  • @martinhiggins5137
    @martinhiggins5137 Před 7 lety +2

    Sometimes the delivery guy gets... stiffed

  • @ChrisChapin_chapes
    @ChrisChapin_chapes Před 7 lety +3

    Anyone else notice something weird happening with the audio of the audience saying "We forgive you" at the very end? Like they didn't say it when they were supposed to and then they editied it in? It's weird the was the audio of them cheering suddenly stops then fades back in again.

    • @ThatGuyNikolas
      @ThatGuyNikolas Před 7 lety

      Chris Chapin guessing the audio messed up or something during edeting. So they decided to edit in some old footage...

    • @WozzyA
      @WozzyA Před 7 lety

      seems like the audio of the audience is a different mic that might be enhanced

    • @lucasfalick8331
      @lucasfalick8331 Před 7 lety

      Guys, that wasn't the real audience. They recorded the same room full of people saying that and played it on the show.

    • @WozzyA
      @WozzyA Před 7 lety

      Lucas Talks So maybe it was a previous audience that they did that with, and just kept that one? Or did they just get a whole bunch of people to do that?

    • @lucasfalick8331
      @lucasfalick8331 Před 7 lety

      No idea. But it couldn't have been the audience, that's all.

  • @marieldavison5121
    @marieldavison5121 Před 7 lety +1

    Forgive me Father for I have licked....Merry Christmas!

  • @rentijian3464
    @rentijian3464 Před 7 lety +7

    No tips to food delivery guy? You were just making jokes right?

    • @kurtsaidwhat
      @kurtsaidwhat Před 7 lety +12

      Of course there's a tip. It's right down there.

    • @Avicaris
      @Avicaris Před 7 lety +3

      It's better than getting stiffed!
      ...I'll see myself out... >_>

  • @Patrick_3751
    @Patrick_3751 Před 7 lety

    No jokes that led to eating? Who wants to bet that there was peanut butter on that envelope?

  • @themovie-goofs7185
    @themovie-goofs7185 Před 7 lety

    Must have been cold in the studio... Lots of people with warm jackets

  • @johnmcneil7374
    @johnmcneil7374 Před 7 lety

    but our hopes are strained, at best, at the moment

  • @CVL13
    @CVL13 Před 7 lety +12

    How is your audience in such unison??

    • @PreetiKaur1999
      @PreetiKaur1999 Před 7 lety +9

      It is scripted!

    • @hjackson1392
      @hjackson1392 Před 7 lety

      Coremensch ham who ask? i mean is his audience and he is confessing tto them and his dog probably is watching so who cares maybe god but he has no phone or tv maybe neither

    • @CVL13
      @CVL13 Před 7 lety

      Nomad K I was half expecting that answer. I'm still disappointed somehow.

    • @Privyet677
      @Privyet677 Před 7 lety +3

      They tell the audience to say a particular thing when he asks the questions. It's just to streamline the segment more.

    • @lamingtongirl123
      @lamingtongirl123 Před 7 lety

      Coremensch why would a Trump supporter pay to go see Stephan Colbert??? Damn if they did they really are as dumb as they say.

  • @pop5678eye
    @pop5678eye Před 6 lety

    One of the few times you don't see Stephen drink...

  • @BladeWinters
    @BladeWinters Před 7 lety +24

    I don't see how Trump winning is good for comedians, there's no way he's going to allow people to make fun of him as president.

    • @gabycam
      @gabycam Před 7 lety +18

      BladeWinters then US will be the new Cuba

  • @dirty8285
    @dirty8285 Před 7 lety

    oh i should have started with...i confess

  • @zJoriz
    @zJoriz Před 7 lety

    I seriously wonder how he can say all that and keep a straight face himself.

  • @lauragadille3384
    @lauragadille3384 Před 7 lety

    lol

  • @queerchaos13
    @queerchaos13 Před 5 lety

    That Trump enemy list joke is really 1000x funnier when you know he actually was second place in it

    • @TheInkPitOx
      @TheInkPitOx Před 2 lety

      It's also weird now that it's been six years.

  • @johnmcneil7374
    @johnmcneil7374 Před 7 lety

    aka: atm
    #fondue fork

  • @daltondeverell4039
    @daltondeverell4039 Před 7 lety +7

    3rd person to actually give a shit about letting the comments know that I was here

  • @theDENIMMAN
    @theDENIMMAN Před 7 lety

    confession: some of these hit a bit too close to home for me

  • @jetli80
    @jetli80 Před 7 lety

    Last confess should have been, sometimes it's only the tip

  • @ninjaahjumma
    @ninjaahjumma Před 7 lety +3

    Am I the only one who got a little hot and bothered when Stephen licked the envelope? I'm like... oh my.

  • @alejandroespinosa7085
    @alejandroespinosa7085 Před 7 lety

    funny fact, catholics originally used to confess in public with everyone hearing.

    • @ErikPT
      @ErikPT Před 7 lety

      Alejandro Espinosa What? When our Parrish discourages that.

    • @alejandroespinosa7085
      @alejandroespinosa7085 Před 7 lety

      Erik P.T. im not sure why catholics stopped doing public confessions, but im quite sure it has to do a bit with social shaming, and because if you do it in private you will feel safer and share more private things i guess.

  • @lazyscorpion3889
    @lazyscorpion3889 Před 7 lety +1

    silly guy

  • @johnmcneil7374
    @johnmcneil7374 Před 7 lety +1

    #doyougiveadamnreally?

  • @busybeelulu
    @busybeelulu Před 7 lety +1

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @jqyhlmnp
    @jqyhlmnp Před 7 lety

    I ship Finn and Marceline

  • @stella-kc7tp
    @stella-kc7tp Před 7 lety

    YOU SHOULD HAVE DAN AND PHIL

  • @stacymiller4546
    @stacymiller4546 Před 7 lety

    Paid audience. Paid Colbert.

  • @hopperobiwan5230
    @hopperobiwan5230 Před 7 lety

    Harro

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    !

  • @j.fabricioelias227
    @j.fabricioelias227 Před 7 lety

    ROFL!

  • @johnmcneil7374
    @johnmcneil7374 Před 7 lety

    some of us are still hoping you are some sort of "ethical savior"

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    O

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety +1

    e

  • @janeanderson8710
    @janeanderson8710 Před 7 lety +1

    Can we swap Colbert for Drumph? WE could then count on having future elections, and other guaranteed rights

  • @warhurst1968
    @warhurst1968 Před 7 lety +2

    Do you think Jesus would be as silent on Standing Rock ? Does Colbert really follow the teachings ? I guess their is a choice, JC or a pay cheque. I think he needs to confess.

    • @ErikPT
      @ErikPT Před 7 lety

      Ben Warhurst Catholics are like any other Christian religion some practice their faith firmly while others claim they are catholic but never once go to church, confess, practice Catholicism go figure Stephen may be leaning to non religious catholic.

    • @warhurst1968
      @warhurst1968 Před 7 lety

      I don't understand any of them quite frankly (I'm not one of them), I'm just pissed off he's not doing something about Standing Rock.

  • @riosricardo7400
    @riosricardo7400 Před 7 lety

    I have to Confess I Don't like Our Orange Ape.All His ego doesn't mean 'gas' The 'Swamp is "Tremendous" Am afraid he ain't do much. I hope Am. Wrong for Our Sake.🇺🇸😂

  • @7zobzombie
    @7zobzombie Před 7 lety +2

    I voted for Obama twice because I knew he would make it possible for a conservative extremist president after him, I knew my prediction was working in 2014, that is why I didn't even BOTHER Watching the election coverage, I just posted on my facebook that Trump is the winner and Hillary never had a chance.

    • @akeleven
      @akeleven Před 7 lety

      Thomas Jefferson I vote for the third party because I knew the GOP would screw things so badly people would finally have to admit it can't blame Obama anymore

    • @7zobzombie
      @7zobzombie Před 7 lety

      akeleven LOL you realize that doesn't make any bit of sense right? A vote for the third party is a vote for Hillary.

  • @saberline152
    @saberline152 Před 7 lety +2

    shame! shame! shame! *cersei walking away smugly* ...

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    h

  • @SOLOWISE10
    @SOLOWISE10 Před 7 lety

    not on it

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    0

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    t

  • @Chris_T1an
    @Chris_T1an Před 7 lety

    Who else clicked on the video thinking he was making a parody for Westworld?

  • @gonzothegreat1317
    @gonzothegreat1317 Před 7 lety

    Off course no words about Trump saving thousands of jobs in Indiana.

  • @alexlandherr
    @alexlandherr Před 7 lety

    n

  • @andybee1381
    @andybee1381 Před 7 lety

    Shouldn't you tip the delivery person for every article of clothing you *don't* have on?

  • @AceDeclan
    @AceDeclan Před 7 lety +1

    I like trump