Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol XLII
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- čas přidán 20. 11. 2018
- I'm worried that once they make self-driving car, I will never be sober again.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes. - Zábava
Father, forgive me for I have sinned, I forgot to rake the leaves in the forest to prevent wildfires.
I have also committed this sin.
Smokey the Bear says: "Only you can rake up forest fires. Or soak up hurricanes with paper towels."
It's okay. Because her emails.
When is mr. T leaving? The sooner the better, inmates took over the asylum. Return to sanity Please.
@@Kyle-vg2io Whose emails? Hillary's or Ivanka's?
ABOUT TIME YOU BROUGHT IT BACK! I’ll forgive you... for now 😂👍🏼 Keep it up Stephen!
This edition got dark, still awesome.
We forgive you, Stephen.
Now I can't stop picturing a giant bow with a mini-bow glued on top
Omg I love midnight confession, happy thanksgiving to Stephen Colbert, his family and staff at the late show 😎😍😁
Trying hard to forgive you for taking so long to do another Midnight Confessions.
I was expecting him to highlight the time since the last Midnight Confessions as evidence of him not going to church/confession much.
I love it
The sleeping one is too relatable Stephen
I was wondering when this and "big fury hat" bit will come back.
"Friday Night Fights" were fun too.
Forgive me Commentors, but when I carve the Thanksgiving Wild Turkey, I always pour half the bottle in my glass.
Hehe. That's a good one buddy
Another opportunity to drink!
The awesome is strong with this one.😂😂👍👍
I only trust succulents. The other plants are all filthy snitches.
Self-driving cars: no more DUI's...less cops needed for ticketing...lower insurance coasts...make them electric cars: no more gass tax no more gass...quieter...less pollution!
Depression is strong in this one!
Cause it's the holiday season.
Lol. It's fitting for this time of year.
I confess, I like this
I love this segment sooo much! So witty! 😎
Sometimes, i just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Other times, im asleep. 🤣 so true
Review of these confessions:
1: Sloth
2: Sloth
3: Gluttony
4: Gluttony and Envy (with a bit of Wrath in the delivery)
5: probably Wrath
6: possibly Sloth, but definetly breaking the eighth Commandment.
7: Pride (subcategory: vainglory) and breaking the eighth Commandment.
8: probably Sloth (as in failing to use several of the Gifts of Grace (Wisdom especially) or to make an effort for his spouse)
9: Sloth and Pride
10: Sloth
11: Sloth
12: breaking the eight Commandment (and whatever prompted the police to investigate)
Yep. All sins.
I forgive you, though.
That's a zoo of sloth.
You need to do this for every Midnight confession!!!!
@@anirvankm I might, going forward. X)
I liked the categorising. What is the 8th commandment? Any reason you don’t mention it by name?
@@ivonedefigueiredo9301 The Eighth commandment is to not give false testimony (lie). I chose to white it this way because I felt it looked more scientific.
My grandma talked to her plants. Always thought there was a hidden agenda. Now I know. 😃
lol
Audience, I admit that I was going to use this segment to announce our Winter Break
Best one in a while. I think there is a sweet spot in frequency. Not so often that the quality suffers but more often than this
I agree with other commentators, these are the best confessions in a while.
Repent you sinner Colbert,your biggest sin is not bringing this clip sooner.😸😸
As a Nevadan....I approve 😂🤣😭
My wife bought a new car with a fancy beau on it. Just to rub it in with our pending divorce.
J J Was her beau naked?
You're taking it well.
@J J - That should give you confidence over that decision. Her attitude sounds very infantile/immature.
Was he splayed over the hood Whitesnake Music Video style?
Do not fret my friend, divorces cost so much because they're WORTH IT.
😂🍸👍
We forgive you!
I gagged at Romaine gravy
Well, good. It's been a while since he's had one of these.
Happy thanksgiving!
Although I do not know about your traditions very much , I wish you all the very best from my country.
Do take care everyone.
💕💞💖(>_~)✌
Your a sweetheart. We need that.
Wish I could meet you.
Thank you!!
Thanks! Sweetie .
The feeling is mutual.
Terra Shine
In my country we've recently started celebrating Thanksgiving. Of course we just give thanks that we don't live in Trump's America.
I can definitely relate to the sleeping one.
That first one is so me.
Also I'm glad this segment is back, probably my favorite Late Show bit.
the 26 dislikes are from Nevada
Zsuzsa Daczo Neva-Duh
OMG, that makes all of them!
Drinking alcohol on live TV. That's the spirit!
Get it? Drinking... Alcohol... Spirit... Joke dead, moving on!
I like Colbert confessions. He should do more. Refreshing!
Don't worry about leaving romaine in the crisper to make it's own gravy... even if you eat it fresh its still gonna make gravy.
So I heard. He's better off leaving it in there...
So thankful for you. 👏.
Bruh that sober joke had me on the floorr
Was Wondering When we'd get another episode of midnight confessions!
Right on, man. Good bit!
Every time Stephen “drinks” on the show, I always want and wish it to be real bourbon. A mischievous smile comes to my face hoping it’s real liquor. 😁
Get in the car, we're going sleeping 😴
I confess: I am the fifth Beatle, I am not Deep Throat I am Shallow Neck and I like the pineapple on pizza.
But are you the walrus?
This has to be one of his best confessions! :))
This was a good one
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
I missed these!
Best one yet, IMO
Top notch writing here!
The audience is always so forgiving.
I love this segment. Do the Big Furry Hat next.
About time!!
Omg! Is Steven Wright writing for you now? Funny stuff. One of your best 'Confessions'!
Delivered in a very Stephen Wright sort of way... 😉👍🏻
I LOVE YOU STEPHEN!!!!!!!!!
It got increasingly dark, did you guys check on the guy who wrote the bit...
Stephen and I have the same green been casserole recipe!
Farther, forgive me for I have sinned, I have this massive crush on Stephen Colbert and I so wanna just kiss him on the lips. This is secret between me and you and Stephen can never find out about this okay Father.
Same
Lelandra_The_Mage 👍
We have to love him!
See liberalism or inclusive-ism doesn’t mean being areligious.
I respect Colbert for proudly wearing his faith and also being a voice of reason and inclusion.
He is antithesis to the Fox douchbagry and KKK fuckery which has destroyed the face of religion in the USA.
I've missed midnight confessions .
Steven there is much better confessing to us than preasts.
God, i missed this series
(no, the god pun was not intentional)
Climate change needs to be talked about. Contact your local representatives. Demand action. Use your popularity to spread the message. This needs to be talked about daily or else we won't see change. That would mean; No fish, no stable jobs, no health security, massive influx of homelessness, yearly massive wild fires, floods, droughts, air pollution and constant civil unrest. Unless you're filthy stinking rich, you will not have the life you're currently enjoying today if we don't talk about taking climate change action and force industries to go green/renewable.
Judging from the comments, the sleeping 😴 one hit home for many, myself included. Depression must be affecting many people. Perhaps it’s just the seasonal increase but the last couple of years have been rather trying.
Man, this guy is always drinking on the job!
You should use that in a future confession: "I only do these segments so I can get away with drinking on the job."
He already said that in one of the midnight confession back then
0:54 Is it just me, or is that organ playing the opening notes of Freebird?
Once they make self driving cars I will never be sober again! OMG. I am SO screwed. 🤪😵
I wish I never had to be sober again.
That had to be the most depressingly funny thing I've ever watched. 😅😥
At least the audience doesn't make him say 20 Our Fathers and 12 hail Mary's. They always forgive him.
Jolly good show old boy...
3:20 - classy burp right there...
I love this segment, but it always makes me wonder if Mr. Colbert writes all these himself or if most or all are done by other writers on the show.
Just put the bow on her old car.
HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES
I fn 💙you Stephen!!!!
aaand, I forgive you.
love it when he comes into the camera to say, ''I Don't Know'' about 'the game'. ice that with I Don't Care. oh wait that's NeVayDa, what ever. don't know don't care.
Aaaa! A car with a full bar and despensery. The future.
You're supposed to talk to your plants; the CO2 you breathe out is good for them! 🌱🙂
How is that set constructed?
How about Nev-ay-da Missouri ???
I thought he was gonna say he likes apple picking because it's one less produce he has to pay for.
29th!
When i confessed the preast would say ok thats long enough, and you are supposed to whisper!
Which episode number is this?
_John __3:16__ "I don't care..." -- Stephen Colbert_
;)
1:39 If they ever do a live-action movie of Morel Orel, I hereby nominate Stephen Colbert to play Clay Puppington.
Pitcher plants have such big mouths
bless me fatter for i have thinned, bless me farter for i have wind, its a few 'ours since steve's b-last - confess i on
I didn't get the can of fried onions as recipe for green pea casserole... what's the joke?
Oof, that second last one.
Vol. 42? Hitchhiker's Guide reference, or have you done this 42 times?
hints of Steven Wright- wry observations
all these nonsensical sounding jokes are still an order of magnitude funnier than the jokes on seth meyers or fallon. veteran writers.
Thanks, I thought it was just me due to losing my sense of humor.
Hey, I'm from Nevada. It's pronounced the second way you said it.
Depressing!
How serious IS Colbert's drinking problem?
0:19 Hand gesture guy and shoulder shrug scarf girl were the only interesting ones this time.
Steve-you do know the priest is the one opens and closes the shutter.
It wasn't like that at any church I've confessed at; the shutter was there to give the penitent the option of confessing anonymously or face-to-face.
@@frosenphoenix They didn't make that change until the 1980s.
Rodney Kelly I didn't know that (born in the 90s). Thanks for teaching me something new.
Also, Happy Thanksgiving!
@@frosenphoenix I hope you had a good Thanksgiving as well.
Also, the confessional is usually in a church, not a TV studio.
Yay, cheer for alcoholism!
Yeah... this segment has me worried about Stephen's state of mind. Or possibly the state of mind of his writing staff. Dark days indeed.
@@Soymaid no not in that sense. It's clear they're making a joke of it, but I mean come on, it's become a bit overplayed now. As such I feel like they're rehashing some of the old material for the Confessions segment, then they overplay the alcoholism angle. It's tiring.
I know nothing, but after a few decades of observing the courses of their lives, entertainers who regularly talk/sing/joke about alcohol and drinking are people who struggle with it.
How about that game last night?