How To Be Happy Around Narcissists: Creating a Happy Bubble Using Observe Don't Absorb!
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- čas přidán 27. 01. 2022
- In this video, Ross Rosenberg uses a personal story to demonstrate the power and effectiveness of his Observe Don't Absorb (ODA) technique. By using it when in the company of narcissists, a person can detach from their sabotaging manipulations.
The Observe Don't Absorb (ODA) technique neutralizes the internal and external forces that prevent a person from experiencing happiness and joy. In other words, ODA "takes lemons and makes lemonade."
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., CADC, is a globally renowned psychotherapist, educator, and expert witness, who is known for breakthrough contributions in the field of mental health, addictions, and especially, codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker, educator, and professional trainer who has crossed the globe by giving his one-of-a-kind presentations. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
Ross's "Human Magnet Syndrome” books have sold over 135,000 copies and are published in ten languages. His CZcams channel has amassed 21 million video views and 227K subscribers. He is the CEO and primary contributor of The Self-Love Recovery Institute (SLRI), where his educational, inspirational work can be found.
For more information check out his website www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. or email his staff at help@SelfLoveRecovery.com. Or find Ross on Facebook ( TheCodependencyCure ) Instagram (rossrosenberg_slri) and Twitter (RossRosenberg1).
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“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
This happened to me. I have no friends and I know it's for the best. My mother is my guardian angel, I am 50 years old and starting over. I enforce boundaries with everyone and I know a better life is ahead. Bottom line: I had nothing but assholes in my life up to now and now I only allow non-toxic, quality people in my life. I am worth it! And so is everyone.
I had to walk away from my entire family of origin. They just can’t love respect or care for me. They just want to abuse me. Over and over. I had to go no contact and grieve. I realized I grieved what I realized I really wanted : a healthy family with healthy relationships but I also know it is something I could NEVER have from them. I CHOSE to walk away from people who will criticize me for everything I am , even the way I breathe.
The best way to be around highly narcissistic individuals, or groups of them, is not to be! I'm very aware that it's not always possible though. ❤
I was at a wedding with a whole large Group of abusive minded narcissist. Many of them came to me with mean remarks, ....one asked to talk with me, and I did. They said "I always knew you loved me, but you're not good enough for me"....Arrogantly. So, I nicely walked away. Then it was like Divine Guidance said "Heck with these people....Dance like nobody is watching"....and I did.. I absolutely loved dancing and not caring what any one of them thought about me at all. Yes, later they made snide remarks...."You must have broken the heels off your shoes"....Me: No...I brought an extra pair that are good for dancing. Do things that MAKE YOU HAPPY.....and say "What other people think about me, is not my business"....God wants us to be JOYFUL....so go do that. Bless everyone working thru abuse situations....don't take them on.
As horrifying as this experience is, it’s good to know that others have gone through this, thanks for sharing, it helps depersonalisation a very confusing and painful phenomenon ☮️
Thank you 💖 I've just set these boundaries with my close family properly for the first time ever... I feel like am starting my new life at 36. Finally able to be my true self without fear or anxiety. 🌈🌻🎉🎶💖
The last 2 yrs have been a crash course on human nature. It’s highlighted that a percentage of the population are highly sensitive people (HSP) who have heightened emotional & physical sensitivity & awareness of their environment. There is an evolutionary advantage for retaining this trait in a population & it exists in many species, including fruit flies. The purpose is to be more aware of both threat and opportunity. Unfortunately those with this trait, are by nature subject to a lot more suffering due to being more emotionally sensitive, empathetic, aware of rejection, more easily hurt, and experience more negative emotion. It can create a cycle of negative feedback which can strengthen negative emotion and damaging self beliefs. Without self awareness we internalise the negative messages instead of externalising them & we can become easy scapegoats. So its a difficult position to be in. Self awareness is key so we can adjust (lower) our expectations of others behaviour - understanding that they simply do not have the heightened sensitivity or empathy to read or respond in the same way. If we understand this it can lessen the hurt we feel in not feeling validated, listened to or understood, as most people simply aren’t on the same wave length. When we connect with other HSPs we are more likely to get meaningful connection & validation - but also we need to learn to create it internally. Although the majority of the population aren’t capable of connecting in a way we would prefer or feel most comfortable - they have other traits that are equally important. They are often good at getting on with the physical tasks of day to day life, because their energy is not being drained by the constant alertness to threat, and the nuances of life that the HSPs among us are constantly analysing & assessing.
It took me decades to stop expecting my mother to be interested in who I truly am, what I feel, love, care or worry about. When I stopped, my depression lessened by 80%, I would say. I didn’t train myself to do so. I hadn’t become love abundant by then. I used to dissociate at first, as I had always done. And then my feelings and trust just stopped and I became indifferent. Then I learned about narcissism and just became curious, meaning I unintentionally got into observe, don’t absorb mode. I never contact my parents when I feel sad or emotional about sth., meaning, I never contact them when I need a hug because I’d get rejected. I don’t show vulnerability any more. I think, my mother can’t help herself and I can’t help her. Her inner barrier is too high, she is too old to expose her to the hurt of truly realizing the impact of what she is doing. I think she does realize it but cuts the realization out at once. I can see that flicker of realization in her eyes, she freezes for a second or gets nervous. But then she directly leaves the situation, either by actually leaving or by changing the subject. My impression is that it’s an unconscious reflex. I’ve seen that in children (I’m a teacher) who get emotionally abused by their parents. They usually just stand very still or get into short-lived fight mode. When I happen to witness such incidents I take them aside later and tell them that it’s not their fault, and that their dad/mum just wasn’t able to control their personal mood, and that adults unfortunately make mistakes, too. So when I tell them that, they freeze again or get fidgety, look away and very obviously just want to forget. My personal conclusion is that this freeze reaction is how a disorder starts. My mother still does this. I do hope that my words reach those kids’ souls, even if they can’t show it. I don’t want them to get stuck in the loop of “shedding” aggression - dissociation of shame like my mother. And I don’t want them to get stuck in a half-awake state, a semi-dissociation which is, in my opinion, depression.
Setting boundaries at work with narcissists since I got more self love and respect - you have to be able to walk away if you don’t get respected there too
Respect is a must every where no matter who you are we all deserve respect ❤❤❤❤
I am a few years into setting these boundaries. Of course I am the bad guy, but I finally understood that I had to protect myself. Now I am able to change the direction of conversations when they are leading to a negative path. I try to stay positive or at least neutral. After a bit, the person sees they are not getting their narcissistic needs met and they either move on to something else or end the conversation Lol
My god I needed this right now. For anyone else HAVING to temporarily be around them…. I feel ya…. We got this 💯
I found this video tonight and it has liberated me! It has set me free! Thank you Lord! He led me to this because it opened the door to a prison that was being built around me the last few weeks, one I couldn't identify. Tonight the Lord knew I was praying, earnestly searching for something that would fix this, to "make me a better person" (SLDD), to help with this pain. The severe oppression was bringing me depression and the reason I couldn't identify it was because it was cloaked in love, it was someone in the church. That's why I know the Lord showed me this. The Word says, "you will know the truth and the truth will make you free." John 8:32. I found Ross and his material a few months ago. This video also clarified the hurt I've received from my family. They're all narcissists (serious) and I was reminded again that I was an "Active Codependent". Thank you Ross for all your work and research. And thank you Lord for answering my prayer and setting me free with the truth!
Big takeaway for me was setting expectations for toxic and narcissistic people. Thanks for putting this video together.
i went to a Xmas thing with my narcisstic family this year after not being with them for a few years but yes I do miss some semblance of family. I went this year and like you I expected nothing, they are just being themselves. No expectations really helps alot.
Thank you so much for sharing and giving me knowledge to know how to handle myself over the Year's of not knowing what I was going through over a 30 year marriage. I am single now and feeling safe, healthier, at 🕊️ and no contact since the Pandemic of COVID-19 to heal my broken 💔
I am so happy and grateful to find you and your work! I am starting my healing journey.
Ross I used ODA sucessfully in a recent relationship with a manipulative man. Ultimately I had to dump him because I was getting nothing from the relationship. The good news is I'm not traumatized and feel great about my decision.
Thank you Mr. Ross...you have enlightened my way of thinking profoundly. It has changed my life for the best. Your AWSOME!!! 👍