Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm. When You Finally Set Boundaries With Narcissists. Expert
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- čas přidán 18. 10. 2019
- This is a 18 minute excerpt from a 5.5 hour video of a live seminar. The complete video seminar is available at www.selfloverecovery.com/coll...
Empower, educate, and guide embattled and often gaslit SLDs (codependents), so they can effectively set and keep boundaries while disengaging or terminating relationships with narcissists.
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selfloverecovery.com/
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment.
His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s CZcams channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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I had a friendship for many years with a narc. When I got sober and started attending a 12 step recovery group, I learned during step four about my codependency. I started to set boundaries with her, and she threw a year long tantrum, while I tried like mad to preserve the relationship while keeping healthy boundaries in place. We aren’t friends anymore. And I recently went a step further block her from my life. I left social media completely, changed churches, and I’m more peaceful than I have been in many years.
I'm here for recovery from an abusive narcissistic best friend too. Good to hear from you. You're not alone. Sabotage is the name of these people!
Ditto on this - mine may be getting a restraining order taken out against her. Her behaviour is extremely unhinged and stalkerish. Feeling like a sitting duck atm, as she's doorstepped me twice. Trying to get moving. Will be doing full cut when I can. Just glad to know I'm not alone in this, even if it feels that way.
@@lauramcnamee4100 The loneliest thing about, at least in my case, unless someone has been through narc or BPD abuse themselves, I no longer waste my time talking to the uninitiated of this horrible NPD/BPD epidemic. Sure they will nod their heads in agreement, or shake their heads confused while trying to hide that (but the micro-expressions will give them away.) They're either narcs themselves or proud enablers of such who THINK they're on the "winning" team. (But they're just GUTLESS minions!)
@@AZDC99 yep. Sometimes feels like the whole world is asleep at the wheel. And then you have the fact (in my case) that society generally refuses to accept that women/mothers can be abusers, which is like giving them permission, if not endorsement, to keep doing what they're doing. Then they end up feeling invincible... Oh and then to rub the salt in, they demonise you for badmouthing them. You have to be so grounded in your own authority and truth when dealing with these situations (and that obviously takes a lot when you've been gaslit most of your life). Here's hoping we can rid ourselves of them for 2022🤞
Bravo. Many blessings to you. Stay strong!
Biggest surprise when you ‘leave their game’ is the freedom you get, having your emotions and physical self for you is brilliant, I was surprised to find that I never actually needed them that’s just something they convinced me to believe, your life is you life they have their own life, you don’t owe them your life🤗🤗 ask yourself how much time do you spend on thinking about their crap and how it affects you, for me it was constant, you deserve your time and attention 🌸🌸🌸
no. indeed. they need JOU!
I didn't want them about 2 - 3 months in but I had to actively disconnect because they live in my neighborhood 🤣 Surprise, I still live in this neighborhood.
Yes you lose all your friends except maybe one good one and it's hard, but you get stronger every day and it's wonderful! When you see your old friends you feel their sickness, and you don't want to be around them.
Thank you so much for sharing. You may find this other video interesting: czcams.com/video/geBVVeA-ngk/video.html
So true.
I set boundaries in my marriage and he left and divorced me.
I set boundaries in my romantic relationship and I got abandoned in the relationship. So, I had to end the relationship.
Other friend relationships are getting sorted out now.
Thanks for sharing.
I was married to an alcoholic narcissist. When I finally told him to get out he shot me in the head on his way out the door. This happened over 40 years ago. The children and I survived but he drank himself to death. Narcissist are VERY dangerous. Leave now if you’re with one. You can’t “help” them.
my neighbor is a alcoholic I keep a chair in front of my door..twice hes shown up drunk with my mail without his shirt on....my uncle was one and he broke my aunts nose right in front of me at age ten. it was awful...they don't even care. I never trust then..oh that tiny violin.
@mary pelton Dang!!!!! That is crazy you are very LUCKY to have survived! Thank you for warning others!
Omg IAM so sorry for that past ..i hate We can't charge them for being one and no one tells US...i believe if a woman or man has these traits and the Family knows and they don't tell you what you maybe getting into I truly believe it should be grounds for legal actions ..if the narcissistic person knows but wouldn't tell you but you experience the hardship legal actions to the Dr's..who should make it his prioritie to find his clients to see if they are engage in a relationship ...married is most most concern ...people these people are Dangerous and must be dealt with on a legal level ....
Thank you for sharing your story. Some of us need that wake up call. I trust that you're all doing infinitely better now.
@@lauramcnamee4100 I wish I had known what a narcissist was years ago. You all are lucky today because you can make informed decisions. You don’t have to live through the worst case scenario. Choose yourself, the narcissist never will. ❤️
It has been a terrible year, but a wonderful year. I was not ready for it, but I have no regrets.
Take Back Your Link crazy, isn’t it, but the air is so clear when you’re out of their force field.
Mine was only lightly narcissistic, she was also much younger than me. I fluctuate, I go from love to hate to misery....I can’t give it all away on here, but I don’t blame her. I still rather like her, tbh.
It was amazing with her. I constantly had the sense of this is incredible. Still have enough left in the tank after being apart for a year, NC for three months. Maybe it’s the knowledge I was all in. I could feel this way towards anybody, I suppose, if they were mirroring it back to me. Anyway, she’s not keeping me trapped, she’s closed us down, I’m blocked on WhatsApp which was our mode, I have emailed a few times to bow out with dignity and had no reply. I feel a little bad about how easy I was, but really I have no major regrets. It’s a shame we are far apart in age and geography. I’ve been neglecting my inner self a lot, too, too much come and not enough writing, but she was pretty harsh at the end. Way harder than her first persona, the loving one I knew for 18 months, presented itself. I knew it was possible that she could be angry, but I didn’t expect it to be so intense. She’s emotional. She has lots of anger driven by self-pity. I am also emotional, but not so angry these days. Maybe anger helps her get motivated. Anyway, we’re NC with no real sense of closure. I don’t know how it’ll be when we see each other in the summer. I’ll have been free of her for a year by then. I know we probably won’t get together again, so I don’t know if it’s even worth talking to her if I see her while she’s here on holiday. I’m not good at uncertain situations, normally I get away and leave women who aren’t all in, at least while they see me. I think I’ll have to do the same to her, if she’s not willing to spend a good time with me, then that’s it. I’m not into her as someone to drink coffee with. Maybe by then I’ll have got my writing together and won’t be getting high. I think she’s decided I’m a failure by my own standards, and that’s her reason for leaving me. It’s harsh, I have a job, I’m not a drunk. I never cheated on her. But I do feel unfulfilled and she knows that, so she’s playing on it, using it to twist me into shapes she likes. So I’ve got stuff to do, I can handle it. There are lots of other beautiful strong women out there, I just have to work on me, or else I’ll never be ready for her.
Patrick Catesby is
Patrick Catesby was was
In beginning is heart breaking and a process, but latter is better alone in peace than swimming in a dumpster full of poop. Real family and Real friends will never hurt you, conspire or make you fail in your goals and dreams of better yourself.
Wow this is so true. Great video! I went into therapy and set boundaries and let’s say friends all family dropped away from my life like dead flies I lost 100%. Was hard at first but nearly 2 years later The change in me once I started fixing up myself instead of been the fixer for other people is amazing! Totally different woman. This is down to a tee how it happened.
George Bell Wow, George your story touched my heart and soul. Thank you for sharing with me. I’m so very sorry to hear about your sister I can only imagine how tragic that must of been for you. I would like to share a channel that initially opened up my eyes to all narcissism. It’s called WAKEMAN. I hope this channel helps you in the same way it helped me. It’s a worldwide sickness let’s say, with its roots firmly set within the spiritual, in which I had no idea about up until I received this knowledge. I’m unsure of your beliefs, but felt I must share this with you. Keep fighting the good fight and God Bless you.
Yes, it means, that you often lose family, too.
Did you feel guilty at first and like the "bad guy?" I am the one who looks pretty bad to everyone right now for setting boundaries and ending certain associations. There was no way to just gracefully get space from people in the small town I live in. . I could have been more graceful about it, so some of it I brought on myself. On the other hand, I am glad to be finally free of some codpeenent relationships with users and narcissistic types. I want healthier, kinder people in my life who aren't flakes and know how to treat others with integrity. I'm on the wrong side of about five people (including a narcissistic step-mother) since last spring. Good for you!
@George Bell Yes, you have it right. When people have C-PTSD from N abuse as kids, we have to learn how to emotionally regulate ourselves and come from a place of less fear when setting boundaries. Our nervous systems can be a mess after formative years of lots of verbal abuse, neglect, etc. Jordan Peterson has said some great things. I thought he made a youtube video about the company you keep. Not sure. Small towns can be good but also really bad. The one I live in is very weird. It has a reputation for crazy. Good luck! thank you! I think we all need retraining. How to get to know better people, etc.. and learn now to trust others again.
@George Bell Sometimes formulating it into words help construct the narrative of it...and like you move on from narrative to new ones, you can move on from the old story once it's written.
Don't wait for a personal version of the movie Sleeping with the Enemy to happen to you. Get out sooner rather than later. Every day minute and even second matters...
These people are dangerous!
yes they are
I didn't get out in time! I'm the one in the hospital. It only took a few short weeks to blow up in my face.
@B F Pray and hang in there, you're stronger than you know.😇
@@pamelawoods7185 You deserve so much more! Stay safe, be blessed.
@@redpilled5830 thank you!
I was attempting to protect myself. My narcissist was giving me clues as to what she was planning. Hinting that she was going to put me in jail. It was very strange how she confessed without actually coming right out and saying it. I separated my self from her and would hardly speak to her for weeks. She began to rapidly loose weight, even texted me to sleep with her 4 days before she had me arrested for assault and I never laid a hand on her.
During the separation phase I began to do much better. I was making money again, opportunities were coming at me from everywhere. I started saving money, but she became infuriated with anger , insults and jealousy . I was no longer giving her credit for things I was doing. I watched her body and face change before my eyes. It was scary.
They do confess. After the mask dropped and I became aware that the malignant narcissist in my life was discarding a 17 year marriage to make way for his mistress (new supply) he started accusing me of outrageous behavior. I discovered, in short order, that he was accusing me of the very things he was doing. Very handy, that.
It’s amazing how studying geopolitics and politics is essentially the exact same study as “how to deal with narcissists.” Says a lot about who runs the world.
What a crazy world we live in, where people have to fear loving themselves. I've recently come to understand that we live in a world of spiritual warfare: love vs hate. Love must win!
"You are going to lose 70 to 85 percent of the people in your life." Wow...is it really that bad?
Sbeast de debil, he be he’ah...that’s how you say the devil is real in the Gullah dialect (more or less). I cannot NOT believe in God when presented with SO MUCH evil.
I wish I didn’t get so sad when I mourn the idea of having a ‘real’ mother instead of one with covert narcissism, or some kind of personality disorder.
@@morganfalkdesigns Sorry to hear of that, I hope you're able to heal. I think many turn to God and spirituality after confronting the evil in the world, and it's no wonder.
It is.
@@morganfalkdesigns God will set you free. It will get better.
@@elenafeliciano1853 If you'll re-read Pluff's statement, you'll see that Pluff doesn't believe in god. Neither do I. Diligent hard work will set Pluff (and the rest of us) free. Beliefs can be comforting, but they don't get the work done.
Love . Love , that you explained that when SLD’s people starts healing one will loose friends and close ones . It is happening to me .
You are 100% right I was prepared for the storm it developed into a hurricane I weathered it and still standing strong hes being cooperative but I am armed and equipped for what's coming. Boundaries is a must let them flee.
I realize I've done a great deal of this already. This pathalogical loneliness is slowly healing as I self-partner.
The title grabbed me. So on time. I’m going thru this right now with my mother 😢 It had become catastrophic for my well-being to continue. The hardest part is the trickledown to the family. Relationships are changing. Some ending 😭
I’m just so ready to BE my awesome Self w/o all the old baggage. Really not sustainable
May everyone seeking find healing 🙏 Thank you Ross Rosenberg
Katrina Taylor same I feel you 😪
Be blessed on your journey Katrina Taylor! I'm right behind you! The SHTF i'm going to be ready! (the old me)For the showdown! Seriously be safe!
I know it's not easy for everyone to do but in 2011 I absolutely walked away from my entire family because they were so toxic and my life is beautiful now and basically if I'd have done this 20 years ago I probably would never have had some of the memories that I do now and some of the things I just can't let go of that have been done. They do teach me to stay aware.
@@birdhouse8057 Way to go! Yes it takes a VERY strong person to say no to the things(or people) that are not beneficial to their well-being.😊
Bird House thank u for this. Taking it in. Very helpful
My ex- almost killed me by throwing a plugged in radio into my bath water. I jumped out before the radio hit the water. He's currently incarcerated. There's a 10 year Restraining Order against him. It's been over 3-4 years since we separated. I've moved to a new location. My whereabouts are unknown. You can't help them. I left with several bumps, bruises and heartbroken, but I'm still "ALIVE." Please, get away and stay away. You can't help them. I'm a work in progress. These videos are my Lifeline. Thank you!
Sooo helpful...as lately I have been so depressed wondering why ALL my friends have disappeared outa my life! ...or died! Good to hear at this time! Thank you! ...as I could keep spiraling deeper into a dark space, wondering wtf! I guess like me, most were either narcs. Or also SLDD? ....WHOA!
Ty....I own 40 years of being with a highly narcissistic, borderline personality spouse, ....its only an accident that I am still alive.....I am so very grateful to Dr R and others for making info like this available!!....it is truly life changing, if you make application.....and finally.....I AM!!!....Thank You, forever
Thank you for sharing Sherry. Please, also consider exploring Ross's seminars at: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads
8 years ago I saw a very nice and helpful counselor however when I told her I think a divorce is best she scrunched her face up and said " Awww, you really want to do that???" She was catholic and that skewed her view. Present day: 8 years later I found a lot of horrific cheating behavior that involved sex rings and prostituting himself and others , even at 62. My 26 years with him was a horrible abusive mess. I confronted him and 1 hour later I was in cuffs being sectioned for saying " I wanted to kill myself and did drugs" . I was held in an unsafe, local hospital that was so insanely run, I was put on a gurney against the nurses station for 72 hours and was held against my will based on a LIE. None of my regular blood pressure meds and other meds I take were given to me the whole time, the kind you can't just stop were held., Especially 4 doses a day of blood pressure meds I've been on for 10years. There's nonmask wearing traumatic brain injury people lined up freaking out , singing hymns in Creole, screaming people, violent people,drunk etc as it was labor day weekend 2020. 24/7 for 3 days. Florescent lights, cops, traffic, food carts banging into my bed. Nurses and doctors condescending, rude and emotionally abusive to us all. I slept about 4 hours in 3 days. Just got out 4 days ago. I was NOT suicidal or on drugs but they had the right to hold me because of ONE PHONE CALL & family dysfunction and kids taking sides. I have no history of suicidal Ideation. So in 3 days I lost my kids, the narc, ( good thing). Talk about being discarded when they are done with you or you're no longer useful to them. He has 3 kids, 2 with me. At 62 the only people he has that talk to him are our kids and 1 friend. Burns everyone he crosses and it's usually a messy end. I'm a nurse and they called in a elder abuse claim too. Unreal. I don't abuse him, they said I verbally abuse him. No shit I was a normal woman reacting to horrific perverted infidelities and saying horrific stuff about me sexually and so many intimate things.Found tons of accounts online but he pretends he is cell phone illiterate. I hung on 26 years for this bullshit, and kept him out of a nursing home by taking care of him at home for 10 years cuz his body and liver is shot from years of drug abuse. I convinced myself I was staying to spare my kids of him destroying them eventually. They'd be stuck with him if I left. But now I have no choice , I'm homeless and jobless and carless, this is where I ended up. I gave to have police escort to get clothes and stuff. It was a blessing in disguise or I never would have gotten out. There's so so much more but the moral is: Don't cross them, it's not worth it, they are sick sick soulless beings and now at 57 I'm learning to care for me. Not sure how but I'm trying. The fact I told my primary doc and therapist years ago what I was going through helped me explain myself to the freaking zoom interview I had with some crisis therapist that heard me and understood narcs and sociopaths and believed I wasn't suicidal. There's never gonna be justice or closure or anything. Get out ASAP!!! I never ever thought he was " this bad". Tell your doctor's get it documente. PS: estranged from my family origin, only had my sociopath husband ( crime, drugs, mafia involved started in 6th grade incarcerated at 29 before I met him, herion use life long prostitute, coke runner in 80"s etc etc) I've lost everything and everyone and it's scary but 4 days after being set up to be sectioned I see hope.my counselor said 3 years ago to get out. I stopped seeing him for over 1.5 years.... I have an appt on Tues at 1pm. 😷😎
Sending hugs, sweetheart! No place to go ftom here but up!
Leave the craziness behind and choose life!
Ross, you have been a key for me. I AM GOING TO escape my fourth pathological narcissist, and I'm going to be alive, because I truly know I matter. I feel as if I won the lottery of all lotteries when I see what I've been through. Words can not convey my gratitude enough. You are a bright beacon.
This man is the most amazing healing aware therapist I’ve ever had the opportunity to witness. In just a few videos he entirely summed up my personal relationships. It helps also that I feel he has very soothing presence. I look forward to being healed.
It's been such an awakening listening to you Dr. Ross. Knowledge is power when it's put in to action. I haved spent years recreating myself of what I lived as a child. My father ( greatest teacher) was consider a Genius was a cardio vascular surgeon with a specialty in Gastroenterology. But lacked affection. He was pharmAcodependant and drank heavily. He dad 3 children from previous marriage all boys and I was the only girl but rejected me. Liked mesogenist. So I spend years of my life desperately looking for his affection. Not understanding why he did not loved me. Often times even now believing there was something wrong with me. Well he committed suicide at the age of 56. I was 13 years old. So, my mom and brother moved to the USA to seek a different life. Being raised and born in Mexico City. Since then I began running as my way to cooed with my stress and it was my way to feel connected to God. It gaved me freedom. I became a health coach and certified trainer. Helping others opened doors. Well, I married a great guy but alcoholic and mesogenist....where the intimate department was nul. Had 3 kids but ended my marriage in 2007. Went to India to learn methods to meditate etc...it's been a wonderful journey...I'm skipping many things. The point about 3 years ago I met someone that is a narcisst, addict and no job. Why after everything I got in to it? Intimate was incredible at first until that itself became my own addiction....the point is I recognize I'm coodependant. I left him ....the storm stage happened last year... but yes, now he wants to slowly come back...but I see it clear now...( Glasses) now I know there's a clinical name ....I was to get Better
Find a partner with not a different face. Set myself free
It's been extremely painful. As a mother I think my oldest son has those traits so I'm battling that too right now. I listened, pray and will read your book. Buying today
Just felt like expressing part of myself. Thanks
Thanks for sharing Elena. For more resources, please check Ross's blog: humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/ and website www.selfloverecovery.com/
This narc-psychopathic roommate knows I'm leaving and keeps taking things from me. I'm not sure where I'm going as I' was married to a covert narc for 22 yrs prior to this monster. Ruined my life and relationships.
Make an inventory of everything that has been taken so far and apply those notes to the your state's statute of limitations on theft you can act on this later as long as you're within the statute of limitations to prosecute for theft.also make a quick video on your phone of what you have and own right now that is important and can easily be taken and keep that record of your property.
Glad you're leaving that place. Bless you.
Give it as a gift to him. If you are angry it feeds him. I would leave with nothing if necessary. 🙂
i totally understand this. it took years and years for me to understand abuse in our family even though i knew the person may or not loved me. i even have siblings with narc tendencies who refuse to talk about it. get out sooner. time is short.love yourself. ive dropped narc friendships before. theyll drop u before u drop them.live and learn...its no skin off their nose if they hurt u. pnarcs get very nasty when things dont go their way.
I didn't have any of this information when I was going through these situations in my life. Therefore, I set boundaries, they became angry, I set boundaries, they became angry, passive aggressive, etc., etc. It was a confusing time. They couldn't understand why I wouldn't conform and I couldn't understand why they kept getting angry. I finally left (not a marriage situation). Luckily I knew that I couldn't become less of myself for that person, but that's all that I knew. This explains a lot. Thank you!
Wonderful lecture Ross, thank you so much. You have described on this and other videos in so much accuracy my many personal experiences. I hope you will come to London next year!!
It was so reassuring to hear this from you Ross. You have helped me so much in connecting up some vital puzzle pieces that were lost. The 6 months thing is bang on. I am approaching the 6 month mark in exactly 1 weeks from now and I have been just putting one step in front of the other hoping and praying and wishing that a light is going to show up at the end of this tunnel and I had a session of emdr therapy 2 days ago and could it be coincidence but I woke up feeling lighter! I already had cptsd when the narc came along in fact that is why I was a sitting duck! This time I was forced to go within and change everything. Most people have now been eradicated from my life, the normal people stay around because they have boundaries and are not manipulative at their core and trying to control you... Its been 6 months of trying to keep my head above water is the only way I can describe it but I am starting to defend me again and set boundaries again and use my senses again and trust me again!
You are absolutely spot on with what i have gone through and am going through
Love the crystal ball image, cracked me up!
This message is so important. Statistics I believe reflect that victims-go back 5 to 7 times. The storm caused me to return. I was t prepared for the brutality of it. Then while back I realized my choice was to stay and wish I was dead or leave and chose to live the life I was meant to have. It became a life or death decision. I was now aware of the storm and you hit them all in this. When you get it through the storm there is not much more they can do to you. It can’t get worse than that phase. Understanding this phase and decreasing the risk of going back can provide years of an enjoyable life. That’s huge Ross. Imagine how understanding of that phase can help so many and probably even save a life. When you don’t think like they do, you can’t predict this on your own. You need professional help from those that know what lies a head.
Wow I felt like you were telling my life for the last 18 years.
Amazing video. Thanks for doing this. I relate to so much of this. 👍🙏
I think your surgeon general warning is definitely needed.
Thank you for sharing your work.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you SO MUCH you are literally saving lives. I've disengaged with the covert narcissist 1 week ago. I'm using these videos to prepare me mentally for taking on anything that may come my way. Having spirituality absolutely helps to facilitate the self esteem and feeling of guidance and protection, though there may not be anything clinical about that statement it's been my experience throughout trying to disengage. I cannot thank you enough for explaining this to such masterly detail.
Thanks for sharing Krystal. The complete video seminar can be found at Ross's website at www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/escaping-narcissistic-abuse-stages-4-and-5
Thank you so much for this Ross, You're a great teacher on this subject, I study your videos for years, Absolutely tremendous, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 🌲😊❤💙😃💚💛💗💜🌌🌈🎆🚀☘🗝🍎🍏👽🦄✌🐎♱😘🕆🕊🦁
Great seminar! Thank you!
Mr Rosenberg, jou are incredebly accuraat,
Thank jou so much for theese lectures.
jess strategies, ones jou regocnize them.
very helpful thank jou.
Just found your video and I am loving this lecture. I've never heard of SLD before and this is very eye opening. I'm basically a hermit now and set boundaries with a narcissist about giving my number to a family member I haven't seen in over 20yrs and she started to get pissy about it and hung up. I'm okay with it because I expected that behavior but I'm proud of myself for speaking up for myself. She doesn't want to respect me and that's not my problem anymore. I will be testing people going forward how they respond when I say No because that is definitely a litmus test.. subscribed.
Thanks so much for sharing. In case you haven't watched it yet, this other video may be helpful: czcams.com/video/A_Vz8uEYmHY/video.html
@@RossRosenberg thank you so much. You're exactly correct on this. Just hearing a professional therapist discuss this helps bring more healing. God bless you abundantly.
Great video and so true . Get OUT . They are DANGEROUS !!!
This is a very challenging. I have been in the storm since dec 23.2022, it is just beginning to quiet down.
It will end!! Just keep it going ❤
Predictive Awareness ~Genius, Thank You Dr. Rosenberg.
true words here- there are sacrifices to make- there is no other way. But then it is better with more freedom.
The human whisper. You are spot on in some of the women I've date. Unbelievable sir.
This can be hard to hear BUT it is freeing.
Glad this can be helpful Elizabeth.
The narcissist I was dealing with was not about to let me set my boundaries. they devalued and discarded me ,never wanted to hear what I had to say about why I went no contact from them for 10 years plus. It's always a no-win situation and always has to be the one on top of the pedestal. The narc would rather lose relationships then fix them. Talk about a hateful vindictive shrew, that's my description of my narc mother there will never be a repair in this relationship that was so toxic all my life
I love the "PaleonPsychotherapy" ... Unearthing oneself thing.
Post game analyses are very useful learning tools to survive the next skirmish.
So true I got our break free; but I was living with my parent which was a blessing n curse at the same time; curse cause it caused me anguish but blessings cause I could observe analyse her tactics, method my reactions and finally disarm , transmute , and break ingrained reactions and habits. At the end she was so transparent n u could tell the next move ; I called it the “total ridiculousness “ cause when it was not gripping me animal it was just ridiculous and senseless ; don’t try to put logic to it, wasting your energy
Just break the patterns and get out hopefully they will copy u
Excellent, merci.
Thank you sir. 🙏🙏
I passed stage 4.
No regrets! It's the way to go ...🙌
Great 👍 Keep up the good work.
Happily ridding these people from my life. Have pretty much been on my own these last few years anyway. Doing much better. Just wish there was stronger legal support to protect me against them. Feeling quite vulnerable as someone who lives on their own and has had them turn up on my doorstep unannounced on several occasions. I shouldn't have to hide in my own home. But to confront them - they are positively radioactive with narc rage...
You have helped me a lot. Thank you.
Glad to hear that Matthew.
Sun Szu "The Art of War" No mention of peace in the title...
I know. In my exp, the narcissist does not like peace. They prefer war. They love news disasters--weather events, mass shootings, turmoil, & thus of course contention with you. Truly its a spiritual battle to refuse to engage in their beloved, self-hating battles.
Their favorite book with The Prince by Machiavel...
I love the idea from Sun Tzu, win first and then fight. I think Ross is so right with his idea of predictive awareness. Then you have won.
If we watch the cluster b's MO it seems like they have read the book.
That was actually my narc ex's favourite book. Now I understand why.
Thank you very much!!
You're welcome Katalin!
You are so very correct.
Thank you
stage 4 and stage 5 was the most difficult period of my life...talk about flying monkies I landed in the er with high blood pressure and I got ross bad back...I found myself telling the nurse if anyone in my life gave me any respect id be shocked..i lost my slds friends when acted strong.
Ross, you were one of the first coach that I have discovered. I'm going through stage 4 & it has gotten very dangerous. He is in prison, due to someone else. He has over 4 flying monkeys to do his biding. I have been smeared really bad on LinkedIn & right here where I live. Now, there is a bad case of identity theft. The case is in the works, but it's so tiring that is feels never ending. I have started an organization called "Angels at Work" I had no idea what I was dealing with, but thanks to all you wonderful coaches, I know, exactly what I'm dealing with. I saw his picture, from a year ago & my gosh, he looks like my grand pa!!! I have no feelings towards him, but he refuses to leave me a lone. Our daughter went narc & she is married to one & they are recruiting more. Life doesn't feel like it's worth living, so I work to help others. You speak so softly, I could listen to you all day. I left therapy, because of profiling. I wonder where is God. I love the Lord, but found out the Lord was born to die & that, as a mother, I'm not happy about it!! Our world has gotten so dangerous, it's dangerous just to be Christian. I went out & brought life alert & a siren. Even men are saying "Hey, that is a good idea!" Learn body language & avoid a whole lot of heart break.
carol vevle I believe God wants us to become stronger and wiser by going thru these traumas and to learn what we didn’t learn in our family of origin...How to value ourselves , respect ourselves, and to conquer and overcome evil !!
@@russellsueosborne9106 I'm trying to respond to you, but for some reason, my screen starts jumping around & won't let me post. Maybe another time.
I am since 2017 alone after the break up of a 20 relationship with narcissist that made my life like hell! I can't trust men anymore.
Dulce Moutinho same. 😫
Trust yourself, Dulce, and the rest will follow. You have demonstrated your strength by staying the course, now give yourself the credit you deserve for being this pillar and let nobody be mistaken that they must shape up to you because nobody can break you any more. You can be you and good people will pick this up immediately, you will see!
Life is always try and error. You only need to know, how to handle it.
I wish I would've had this and these videos when i was going through this late last year and early this year until I had him leave in April for good
We can heall ourselfs...oh yes but slowly..thank you sir Rosenberg i can learn much from you🌷
Thank you for the support Tatiana
I had to quit a phone conversations after a one hour talk with a man I cared about many years ago. I quickly suggested to talk some other day and interruppted his talking. Have not heard of him again two months later
I’m glad I didn’t see this before I ended my marriage. I would have never gone through it. The wreckage and destruction almost took me out. But I’m legally out now. He still harasses me to come back, but I’m legally out, and there’s no way. It’s because of God that I’m still here. But when you don’t show your vulnerability and heal in secret, they show their audacity and lack of empathy by assuming they just didn’t hurt you bad enough. Time for another round, they think. Pure mind boggling insanity. I’m glad I’m out. I advise everyone to do it step by step and prepare. I lost even my own family to that marriage. A business. Finances. Everything I built despite his instability - he took it. He tried to destroy every area of my life and squash me. It’s unreal. I was in total shock when the mask came off. I still can’t believe who I almost stayed married to. There is no humanity in that body of his. It’s alive, but not because there’s a soul in there.
You lose yourself but you find it all.
Life is bittersweet
hi, not sure of best way to contact you, but i remember watching a video of you with Teal Swan, collaboration video and it has really helped me. I was looking recently to find it to forward to a friend and i couldnt find it. Spoke to few other people and we all really appreciated that video. Hope it would be ok for you to make available again.
Great work. The super love syndrome talk like stuff makes it sound like pseudoscience. But it is not. Well done.
I need more information about dealing with a mother who has many narcissistic traits, a father who is her slave, siblings who have just left the picture, and my adult children who cannot understand WHY I don’t want to spend more than 90 minutes at most a week with them, and only if I have friends over who ‘know’ the situation, and I do not want to go to their house...I’m getting stronger by the minute, but cannot go no contact; they are eighty...and while they may not possess any empathy, I do. I don’t have to get sucked into their crap, and have a reprieve at least until Thanksgiving, since I threw them out of my house last night for crossing boundaries. So THEY aren’t speaking to me 😂. I cannot believe all of the times I cried for days when I felt I was not living up to their expectations. I have waisted YEARS! And I’m not leaving my beautiful town because they are the ones with bad behavior.
They don’t have the right to blackmail us. We don’t owe anyone anything. 😇
I have a problem with my family, the family I come from, the others I can put away easily. 🤔
Wow my narc has the art of war book n that page on his wall
It costed me my whole Social Circle (which wasn't very big in late forties.) I've good enough reason to believe that these people, ex-girlfriend, parents, and former best friend who is the biggest narcissist, and the likely lead ringer of this game of flying monkeys we're all sabotage me. At the very least I was just not comfortable in relationships with them and one by one they had to go. I wish I was crazy and it was all me. But I can I'm going to spare you the book of proof I have that they were all out to get me and sabotaging me one by one
Is there any statistical data available for covert narcissists recovering with therapy?
I would appreciate your opinions on this question that’s been in my mind.
I know why my ex has narcissistic traits (her upbringing) but I also displayed narcissistic traits at times during our marriage. After reading codependent no more and learned about the karpman triangle a lot of our lives make sense. I was primarily in persecutor or rescue mode, her position was mostly victim or rescuer of our kids. If we can heal from narcissistic abuse can the narcissist heal or change in their ways??
I don't know my narcissist was one tell i had to leave the hell I'm going through keeping my mom and my pets away and letting my pets die putting my stuff in the trash 40 years of hell I just don't know how to fight back
I escaped by a covert narc, 2 months ago... I feel very strange, and trying to connect by hearth, I try to rationalized it, but every day I use to 😢, but I fixed some goals to rebirth myself
It needs time to grow. 🙂
Can someone please tell me the name of the song in the beginning of the video
Yes, it was shocking, scary, and sad. But I'm not sure why I didn't see it coming 🤷♀️🆘👍
My mom is a narcissist I have been no contact for over 1 year it still hurts
Wow so close to home. Divorced my ex Narcissist compulsive lier. Took me many years to break away. Partly because i was shielding my two sons. I even filed and He talked me into taking him back then took/hide the money and bought a house before he would leave our house took checkbook away. I didn’t work and had no savings a mortgage and two elementary age boys to feed. I had to sell horses because I couldnt feed them lost all my friends because He was soccer coach and they went with him. I am fine now but my 24 year old says his Dad is afraid of me. Wow what a twisted person. After calling me crazy and controlling my entire life for 10 years till I went to a womans crisis center.
Is it sldd if I stuck around for religious reasons but recognized the behavior
What does SLB stand for?
I've had this in all my relationships...but what if it's your grown child?
Just a quick question because I haven't seen the original seminar. Is SLD - self love deficient? Just wanting to get the acronyms correct.
Yes! SLD stands for Self-Love Deficit or Deficient (or Codependency)
Please watch this brief video that explains it: czcams.com/video/bVpbsZaef8Y/video.html
Is it awful that I want to poke the tiger? I want to go and tell my parents that if they ever want to spend time with me, then they have to seek therapy, and take me along every once in a while. Maybe they will say no, and will never contact me again.👍🏻 I got SO upset last night when I stood up to them and threw them out of MY house for not respecting boundaries. I felt the usual guilt, and sadness, and fury, and then I called BS on myself. I really want to build a huge wall and dare them to try and knock it down...
How do you protect the loved ones that my mom hurts to get to me during no contact. My sisters are both mentally challenged and my mom uses their soft hearts to be her flying monkeys.
My ex lost it some will want you dead the truth show. They are like a temper tantrum on 💯. I have neen going through it going on seven years now get police involved if in fear of safety. Thank you be safe 🙏🙏🙏
My covert narcissist has gone off the deep end so bad that even his flying monkeys are now turning on him.
Is it true for covert narcs too?
Wanted to ask something, empathy and conscience are learned, we don't come by them naturally, we are taught both those sentiments. Si does that mean we would all be narcissists if we were no longer taught these two things?
Maybe you can't because there is a limit on the time that our brain can absorb these concepts, you get past that time, you can no longer grasp it, so if you miss it in early childhood.........
I believe I said maybe, Nothing is cast in stone, have a good day or evening, wherever you are. 🤗
There is evidence that narcissism is heritable. This would further delineate the differences between personality disorders and narcissism: One being a symptom of childhood experience and the other being congenital.
I’m still not sure who the narcissist is, him or me? Is he just emotionally unavailable? Does someone emotionally unavailable rage at perceived criticism? Like if I say, hey that really hurt my feelings when you said that and it turns into him literally screaming until he loses his voice, swerving all over the road, saying he wants to kill himself because of me. Or is that reactive abuse to my picking? I think I felt so anxious around him and disconnected that I was always frustrated with him. Does that make me the narcissist? He would say he has to walk on eggshells around ME and that I’m crazy and bipolar. I’m very lost/hurt/confused.
My same question to myself😢
Look into "erratic driving around psychopathic area"....
...i remember it happening...on the way to K.F.C. .....FRIGHTENING...and very, very, very scary.
We can't tell you, we are not around.
They project. If you are asking yourself are you a narcissist, you are probably not. Narcissist would never ask this question from themselves.
You are not a narcissist but be aware. For us to pick a narcissist and take a lot of abuse tells a lot about us too. Maybe we have tendencies to borderline but there is something wrong with our boundaries. That needs to change. If you are willing to change and self reflect. You are not a narcissist
That’s funny! I can predict my mothers next move, to the day. It’s a joke between my 37 yr old son and I! Then I got to thinking, “am I causing it”? So I payed real close attn to my behavior. Nope! It’s here! She is soooo predictable, it’s comical. And, setting boundaries with her!? OMG!! She is escalating at a warp speed!! I just do what I’m say I’m going to do, and I quit talking to her abt the “why” of it!! SHE KNOWS WHY!! Over and over and over again, she repeats the same threatening, shaming, assignation on every aspect of my life and person!! She is “going to make me homeless, hungry and physically abuse” ! Abd, God bless her! She tries! So hard that my landlord threatened to put a trespassing charge on her, and I’ve saved every text and vm...41+ a day!! It’s harassment, and I told her so! She has tried to sabotage me to the point she is getting attn, alright!! She has single-handedly, built me a fortress... from her!! She has blocked her every avenue to me with her INSANE behavior!! And, she thinks ppl will understand and agree with her strategy of destroying me, thru her launching attacks on me ...and bragging about her success of of proving MY abuse of HER!! Only the ppl who know me, know she’s crazy...including the police! They just “hey Lea. You know we have to check right? You have a good day. We’ll tell your mom she has no need to worry”.😉 She keeps telling everyone I either am, or have already, killed myself! She groomed my brother too, and he did. She’s afraid she’s going to run out of time with me. 🤣🤣 She’s 86, she’s putting a rush on it, by telling ppl I’m already dead! 😂 Predictable, and once you know them...pretty damn stupid too! 🤪 Thank you for the time you give us with your videos.
❣
how long can phase 4 take, weeks ? months ? my experiential guess is more than 2 months bc I'm at two months ..../ from preparation to being done and moving to nr5 ?
sayit1196 in my experience it takes at least a year after no or low contact
This information is in the full length video.
HOLY SHIT YOU LOOKED COOL WHEN YOU WERE 17 🙏🙏
Seems to be a thing....the alcohol consumption part of path narcissist.
they say it takes as many years to heal as we were in the trauma
brittnay cattaneo I hope not, I been married for 36 yrs? I don’t have that long. I’m 58yrs now. I plan to fast forward and be me anyway. Any form of recovery will be better than not surviving more abuse. I will have happiness. I can give happiness to normal people, so I plan to enjoy every moment as it now belongs to me. You can only loose those in your life who are not capable of love. So , those people are not good for us anyway. We can seek out those who can receive us. There’s nothing to loose that wasn’t already lost, but acted as substitutes for the real thing.
And yes, we can intellectualise it until we test it out, walk our new truth, and then find ourselves again in the real world.
@@ali-es2ye haha I think its only if you don't catch it....but I think if you catch it head on, it wont take that long ….exactly! as long as you know what to look for and you will go back and think of the people you grew up around and find out most of them WERE narcs lol...it actually makes u way stronger than u were b4....lol trust me, with technology these days, u will have plenty of time.....u will be like Superman/ Superwoman...see right through the BS ;)
@@ali-es2ye im with u, 40 years with my covert narsicist wife 11 months awake....just unbelievable that i could have allowed this for sooooo long...still in shock...whats wierd is all the people who could have validated me, and would say things to me through out the years about her...i just didn't get it and would defend her....they all died before i woke up...just wierd...they say look for their back story...my wife had only one close girlfriend (tons of fans and admirers)from 7 th grade to 12 th grade (we met at 21 years of age)..this friend disowned her ...this friend got cancer and blamed her for causing it....wtf..my wife told me this on our 2nd meeting...and of course she was the victim...this friend died within 10 years of graduation from high school...i "can" imagine the torture she put her through ..and now im sick and physically emotionally, spiritually holding on by a thread ...i pray God sees me through this mine field to freedom
mreloo I just divorced after 32 years of marriage and my head is spinning. I’m seeing things so differently and looking back it’s making sense. I didn’t want to believe my wife was a narcissist but if every box is checked I think it’s true. I want to take ownership of my stuff cause I’m not perfect, so I question if I have some narcissistic traits. All I know is she abandon me during cancer treatment and has done some cold and dishonest things. I wonder too if her new group of friends didn’t bring out the best narcissistic traits in her because she is a follower. I wish there was a group for recovering from narcissistic abuse. I’m in a group now called celebrate recovery but its for codependency and other mixed issues and I’m finding it incredibly helpful.
@@tc5691 lol yup! They're coming out of the wood works lol
Get out safely
Ross, I wish I had seen your videos on this way before I started setting boundaries with my PNarc sociopathic husband (married for 27 years) I started learning to self love though I did not know that term. I just got tired and drained from being abused and in my core I knew I deserved better. My husband filed for divorce after I asked for a separation. Level 4 was never done, and I suffered tremendously. Everything in your surgeon general warning happened. It has been just 2 months since he moved out and left me everything but his personal effects. Divorce was final within 7 weeks. Like I never was in his life. Definitely antisocial, no real friends ever. He moved in with his parents. Dad a codependent and Mom a BPD narc. Why do I still feel like I’m waiting for the shoe to drop? Trying to predict what is going to happen to next so I’m not hurt further.
What is SLD?
Self-love deficit
I was wondering the same thing (!)