4 Ways a Narcissist Puts You Down when You Look Good
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- If you're trying to stand up for yourself and look good, a narcissist will do everything they can to put you down. Learn how a narcissist puts you down when you look good in this 4-part series.
In this series, you'll learn how a narcissist devalues your worth, how they put you down emotionally, and how they use blame. By the end, you'll have a better understanding of how to deal with a narcissist when they put you down.
Video clip credit: / @istilllovemynarc
chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:52 The Question
01:13 1.They critisize your sense of fashion and color selection
02:38 2.They belittle or destroy your makeup
03:40 Shocking revelation!
05:08 3. They interrogate you for looking good and dressing up
06:31 4.They criticize you if you try to improve yourself
08:22 Conclusion
People have no idea the cruelty of growing up with a narcissistic mother like this.
I do. I’m sorry to know you have/had one as well. ❤
wait till u have your own family, when the jealous narc mother thought u love your spouse more than her, all her venomous fangs will appear. my narc mom played her drama/smear campaign/ruse/toxic words when she's jealous of my mother-in-law and wife. when my mom-in-law bought better present for us, she will criticise that her present is actually cheap product in front of us, belittle my mil that she don't know how to buy items. if i write her drama down, the book will be as thick as the 'Games of Throne'.
Ya those who've lived it can only relate!
@@eme117 I agree, it would put mwe into a spiral if I even begin to think about how ,my mother treated me and the way I dress, do my hair, make up, etc. I am 45 and she still just does everything in her power to crush my confidence in my appereance.
My mother was so poison. Her and my older sister started body shaming me when I was 10 years old. Never stopped until she was gone.
They're jealous of EVERYTHING! Not just looks but every good thing in your life. They're never happy for good things that happen in your life. They feel threatened by your happiness.
💯 True
💯 True
Another subtle, deniable tactic is that they will NEVER comment on your appearance. My ex would so rarely compliment me, it tore my self esteem to nothing. I’d go out of my way, I’d ‘know’ I looked great but he just wouldn’t give me any compliments. Frig that lol!
Yep that's my daughter father 😂
Oh me too but he'd say why don't you tell me I look good, guy's conceited and shallow, it's really a defense barrier I think!
@@martiniloganmartinilogan83I call my daughter the other woman. My husband would jock bully me and she'd join in but I put a stop to it, better believe it!
yes exactly !
I was told by one narc bf (I had several......) as he watched himself kissing me - while we happen to be standing in front of a mirror and he said, "I wish I had a girlfriend who was NOT good looking because I WANT TO BE THE STAR" and guess what? he found someone, he told me later, she had "black hairy arms" and was not attractive, a plain homely girl, he had kids with her and then he left her high and dry. but he got what he wanted, he got to be "the STAR".........he always criticized me, lusting after other women saying how great they were, gave me the silent treatment if I wore the wrong shirt to the store, always, always cheated and said he had to have sex at least twice a day and sometimes get "strange" as he called it (meaning someone he didn't know but could have sex with). I was so ill equipped for life, so gullible. I only woke up slowly (or just started to) when I watched a tv show and the psychic (Dead Files) told this woman who had a haunting in her house that it was her mother who was a sociopath who hated her and was trying to kill her even after she died.
When I heard that, I felt something go off in me, I resonated with that but I didn't know exactly why so I would watch that particular show over a couple times until I started to feel I could admit what I was feeling. Until then I really felt I was so indoctrinated and conditioned that it was "normal" for my mother to treat me the way she did because I was "so bad" and unworthy of her care and love. I felt no loyalty to myself at all and always hated myself, but that's how I began. Still healing too. thanks Danish.
My mom was like this. It took her passing away (I took care of her as her health declined) & several yrs later that I finally feel freedom. Living in the light, let's do this everyone. Put our healthy boundaries out there, say no. Know our worth. Shine.
This video was much needed, thank you Danish. I used to shine so bright. I've been away for 10 mos now and have barely left my house since I've been in recovery-not even wanting to look at myself in the mirror. You have motivated me to do my hair and makeup today...just for myself...so I can see the old me. You are appreciated Danish.
I even stopped seeing in mirror because he made me realize that i was so ugly and i bring a cause of shame in his life and no makeup looks good on me...he even didn't used to take me anywhere with him saying that people will laugh at me that he have married a girl so ugly like me
I maimed myself like an intelligent octopus 🐙 in a cage, flat out and gave him no energy, he never wanted to do what I wanted to do so we did nothing for a long time!
This began with my mother..
not allowed to dress up nor wear make up.
Any display of confidence was attacked, any self care was as called vanity.
Needless to say that served me up on a plate to narcissistic men who controlled how I dressed, encouraging me to over eat, made me wear frumpy clothes, because everything was ‘too revealing’ even a pair of normally fitted jeans!!
The same thing with female friends.. always destroying my confidence.
I have always thought I was very ugly.. with a cognitive dissonance of always being asked out by men and I never knew it had anything to do with being attractive, that narrative wasn’t available.. so I thought it must be some other reason, that I look easy, or like I’ll say yes or.. I never knew. I turned them all down because I felt too ugly to date. I’m in almost no photos anywhere. I get extreme anxiety at the thought of being in a photo. It’s made my life very very complicated especially career, trying to avoid being photographed.
As I work on healing, I went and got my makeup done, natural style and took some selfies. I was afraid to take them as it usually makes puts ne on track for feeling suicidal. I could not believe the photographs. Is that me??? Is that really me? They were plenty of dud ones, but some were really good and so I had to seriously ask the question, am I actually quite good looking??
Is that the reason that man came up to me recently as I sat outside the cafe and asked me out? Is that the reason the man at the wedding pursued me, though I ran away convinced he must just be drunk as I’d be too ugly for someone so attractive..
I’m not young, I’ve had decades of this. I hope it’s not too late for me. It’s one of the main reasons I avoid relationships.
This mirrors my life. No confidence, was told nobody would give me a job because of my weight (comfort and emotional eating), told I looked like a clown when I wore makeup etc. When I got educated re narcissistic traits (CZcams) my life has blossomed, my weight has halved and I’m loving life on my terms not just existing
@ginamclean659
That’s wonderful to hear!
Isn’t it so interesting that it’s discovering what is being done to us, that is the key. Rather than ‘working on self-confidence’ - I think we all have natural confidence deep down, but these people take it away from us, destroy us. I spent so long analysing myself, but I was never the problem! I’m actually a very balanced, kind person, I’ve just been scapegoated alot and surrounded by very very dysfunctional people.
I’m so happy for you! I hope I can do similar..
I can tell you are beautiful.... You have a beautiful energy that I felt as I read your comment....
This is beautiful..
@@annastone5624 Your story sounds like my story. At 68, I am still convinced I am too ugly for anyone. When a young man I worked with when I was 24 asked me out, I thought he might want to do something nefarious to me, like sacrifice me to get his former girlfriend back. He was the illegitimate son of a Hollywood actor. Both he and his father looked like twin literal angelic beings, handsome beyond the beauty of mortal men. What possible reason would he have asked a girl like me out?
I was once told ''You do not need external validation for your SELF esteem'' and that was a game changer for me. What others say about you is projected transference of who THEY are and what THEIR mentality is. Remembering that helped me ignore the Narcs insults and see their BS for what it was....BS. I hope this can help others too xoxo
This explains the jumpsuit I wore that got nothing but compliments on all day until I got home to the Narc and he informed me he didn’t like that outfit, I just thought who cares he has O fashion sense, it didn’t cross my mind he actually thought I looked too good in it, these people are demented!! Thank you Danish for always helping me figure out another puzzle piece! I think I’m gonna wear my jumpsuit to sign the divorce papers!!😂🤣❤
Beautiful way of putting it. This happened to me as well with a jumpsuit. I received several complaints from the woman in my church. But he thought it didn't look good. I was so broken I couldn't see reality. But 3 yrs gone and I am healing and in a better place
You should 😂😂
@@Monalisa0622 Typo… I’m sure you meant compliments, not ‘complaints’❣️
😂💪
I experienced every single of them.
I lived for almost 17 years with a narcissist 21 years older than me . He wasn't very good looking, but he was obsessed with beauty. He did not like even brush his teeth more than once per day and he never used a comb in his hair. But he wanted me to look perfect and sometimes the contrary. At the end of our relationship I was still beautiful, regarded of all the long hours of work and pain of missery. ¡But he was done! he was looking his inside in his physical appearance. He was horrible.
I never ever was good enough for him.
INITIALLY , THEY CRITCIZE YOU SO MUCH IN A GOOD WAY .. SLOWLY THEY CRITICIZE YOU DOWNWARD AND IN THE END THEY LAUGH AT YOUR LOOKS... but we even forget the first time they criticized good !
Talks about my belly, but i told him that " you are the only one who sees it, but when i dress n go out people would say" wow! What a stunning woman!".
He would always want me to dress down, not workout, drink and eat badly
They feel better about themselves by bringing you down
Lowering your self esteem raises their self esteem
They pysch you out
Imagine being a guy and it happening to you. Well it’s bad either way. Just saying, me too! Ha.
Be strong x
Same here. How scary😢
Then they shame you for it
Exactly!
I experienced crushing comments. I was told you smell old several times. I only got compliment when he wanted something from me normally financial. He thought that he could dress me better even though I have many many years of retail fashion experience and have loved fashion all my life. I was told that I should wear make up all the time, I wear it when its needed and not a lot because I have very good skin I've been told buy others. I believe he wants to ruin my skin because he had a lot of ingrown hair on his face. I am currently taking back my independence honestly I am forgiving myself for letting this toxic person in my life. I am on a healing journey. Thank you for your content.
These animalistic people wants to dim your light in every way possible because they don't have any themselves. I practically started to hate myself, I avoided mirrors like a plague, but funny enough when I happened to look at myself I'd see there's nothing wrong with me. I think it was the self-confidence broken. It's a good thing I'm beautiful without makeup but even that, you could see he felt very uncomfortable with. Thank you sir your message 💯
My narcissistic ex-husband would start an argument with me when I was leaving to workout. Now I know it was either to stop me from going or to make me mad so I would stay gone longer. It was a terrible way to live. Once I got my education on who and what he is, it was easy for me to leave, divorce him, and never look back.
I faced body shaming also, before it I was confident enough about my body and don't realize any faults in it , but he criticized and I started to feel disgusted , not worthy enough , depressed until one of my relatives say it's normal and nothing to worry about...Thanks Sir for your guidance to us 🙏❤
Looking good 👍 GOD-BLESS.
@@dougstobaugh376 Thanks friend🙏
Me too but didn't my husband go onto having a leaky gut and his stomach looking like a bowling 🎳 ball. He's been dieting, has to lose weight, one's best defence against liver disease (🍸 🐟). My diet was quite good but I even ate crap to get along with him, no more!
@joseenoel8093 Thanks for your response omega-3 is good for your liver and you can have a fatty liver because of a poor diet it doesn't have to be alcohol related and the can heal its self if it's not too late sometimes the liver can be far too gone unfortunately a healthy diet plan is the best way for a happier and healthier lifestyle for living and being in a healthy relationship is also very important its better to be single and independent and focused on yourself if you're in a Narcissistic Abusive toxic relationship that's not good for you health that will drain you Physically and mentally and emotionally drained of all your energy you will feel tired all the time diet and exercise and keeping your mind focused on yourself and set boundaries on everyone that's involved in causing you any unwanted problems and issues it's very difficult to find a good person to be in a relationship with don't rush into any relationship it takes time to really get to know someone and learning about human behavior and people's personalities is very important and learning how to see the red flags and warning signs in a person's behavior pattern sometimes if it's to good to be true it's could very well be a Covert Narcissist love bombing you to suck you into a Narcissistic toxic relationship so you really have to be careful about who you meet and take your time I have learned so much good through my Divorce about people who to be with and who not to be with I'm not going to waste my time dealing with a Narcissistic Abusive personality disorder and bad behavior and traits of a Narcissistic person basically learn how to spot a Narcissist and learn how to spot a Liers I will know if you're a fake person right away I'm not going to be around anyone who's a Narcissist and waste my time I really enjoy my independents and freedom. GOD-BLESS.
I never did "drugs" but started smoking pot to please the narc I was with, just to be with him although I never did before, I did it to please him. I no longer do this as I meditate (which saved my life, it opened me up to knowing God was actually with me, the first time I never felt alone in my whole life). God bless you to heal! @@joseenoel8093
All these are exactly experienced by me,my narcissistic husband always put me down , always critical of my fashion sense, colour choice etc,and he hates any kind of makeup and compel me to wash my face frequently as if it is dirty always. I thought I am very bad looking until my daughter proved that I am beautiful.Thank you Danish ,you are helping me a lot to go forward with a malignant narcissist
My aunt who passed on was in a relationship like that. She passed on due to stress related diseases...
Be well❤
Wow. This was a big one in the marriage. He would criticize my color selection. He would even tell me how red lipstick did not go with me. This really hits home. Looking back I looked so defeated. I'm older now but feel younger, I look younger as the stress is no more. I wasn't crazy, it wasn't in my head. Thank you for your videos.
The concept of narcissism has long been misunderstood by many people. At first glance, it may seem like a harmless trait to have - an excessive love for oneself. However, the reality is far more complex and insidious than that. Narcissism is, in fact, a personality disorder that can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it and those who interact with them.
Narcissists are not simply individuals with high self-esteem or confidence. They are predatory individuals who use their charm and charisma to manipulate and exploit others for their own gain. They are emotional vampires who drain the energy and vitality of those around them, leaving their victims feeling exhausted, confused, and powerless.
At the heart of narcissism is a deep sense of insecurity and emptiness. Narcissists are unable to form genuine connections with others because they are too focused on themselves and their own needs. They are unable to empathize with others or understand their feelings because they are so consumed with their own desires and ambitions.
It is important to recognize the true nature of narcissism so that we can protect ourselves from its harmful effects. We must learn to identify the warning signs of narcissistic behavior and set boundaries to protect ourselves from those who would seek to exploit us. We must also work to cultivate empathy and compassion in ourselves so that we can understand the experiences of others and connect with them in a meaningful way.
In short, narcissism is not simply a harmless quirk or a sign of confidence. It is a serious personality disorder that can cause significant harm to those who suffer from it and those who interact with them. It is up to each of us to recognize the true nature of narcissism and take steps to protect ourselves and others from its destructive effects.
So well written and good to reread to confirm healthy thoughts.
Yes yes yes. Perfectly summed up, thanks.
Sounds like my boss.
it is NOT a personality disorder. Crododile or snake do not have personality disorder. They are predators, they feed on you. In nature it happens every second of the day. You were the pray. Learn how to spot predators to escape with your life. They are wired more like crocodiles rather than mammals. You just got fooled like rest of us by their skin suit likely because of childhood conditioning of being exposed to vile creatures as such. In nature big part of predation is camouflage.
there are only two sides in life, good and evil. their evil actions are directly related to their inner core, as a man thinketh........evil is as evil does. no one can convince me they do not have evil entities with them. they never worship nor love God nor try to live as a good person would, so they are aligned with the dark side.
I rebuke all narcissists from being able to do this to myself and others. This is ridiculous. I remember different instances where my own adopted dad made comments on my weight when I was a child and said "are you sure you don't need a larger size?" even as an adult. I've always been curvy and that is something I will never be able to hide. I didn't know that he was jealous and insecure. That was his reason for constantly criticizing me about my appearance. He caused my mother to fall into his trap of hating me as well. He remained stone silent as my mom, on her sick bed, cursed me out for wanting to go to the gym across the street at 7:30pm just because it was dark outside. Again, I was grown and the gym was not even 2 minutes away. SMH He opened the door for other insecure guys to target me as well because that's how I was raised. Many guys that are drawn to me are attracted to me and jealous of me at the same time. I defeated them all and left them! I rebuke males like this being able to gain access to me in the present and future. All Praises to the Most High! 🤗💯☺️.
I am so grateful for you! As the scapegoat and only daughter of a narc mother, my experiences have been mostly about my looks. I work out religiously and she has a history of attacking me when in a bathing suit, at the beach or in a beautiful outfit. At my brothers wedding, she slipped and said how awful I looked, in front of the guests and someone called her out big time!! It was awesome!
Since you experienced seemingly quite severe narcissistic abuse from early childhood, your survivor success and true desire and competent compassion to help others is in itself a source of strength to everyone coming out of narc brain washing and blatant attempts to destroy the life of their hate target or targets.
This is the absolute truth. He was constantly criticising me, complaining about my clothes particularly my skirts, he didn't want me to be attractive to the other sex. He even took to hiding my clothes, I found 23 pieces of clothing hidden under the loft boards, he burnt all my lingerie, he hid my make-up and make up brushes in the loft, complained about women who wore makeup. 6:33 They fill the house with the food you're trying to avoid! Absolutely bang on!
They're so incredibly jealous of you, they'll say anything to try and break you down. Literally anything even if it's absolutely ridiculous.
Mine always said, “why are you going to the gym? Who are you trying to look good for!”
"for me"
The amount of times I've been greeted with a "you're too skinny!" "eat more!" instead of a simple hello is too damn high. Like they dont even see you they see your features and immediately have problems. It's very common in older generations unfortunately...
#4-"I don't know why you want an education, you have a good job" 🙄 my good job supplied him with benefits for 2+ decades. So grateful for this supportive community on your channel. 🎉
Its not just a spouse or significant other who can do this, its more often than not, a parent, envious sibling or grandmother.
In my case, it was my mother, grandmother, and Golden Child Sibling. The constant harassment, criticism and put downs can and will take a toll, but only uf you let them. I finally reached the point to do everything opposite of wgat they wanted.
This is what I'm having a hard time with now. I was so confident before. I loved my body. He nipped at it so coyly that I didn't even realize what he was doing. I don't even know where to start with building myself back up... And it was only 6 months. Man...
My Mom would always criticize my weight and said I was too sedentary. Then I’d express interest in trying a sport and got laughed at that it would just be a waste of her money.
The funniest part to me would be when other people would compliment me on my looks (usually her alcoholic friends) and she would chime in and say “she definitely is my daughter” while taking the compliment as if it were directed towards her.
My Mother did exactly the same. If anyone complimented me, she'd turn it into all about her! She wouldn't agree with the compliment though. She'd just say she's always been very kind to me!!!
@@lynneleverton8825 My mom too.
My mother starts telling me how she ran into someone who told her her daughter was beautiful. She informed them that no, I was just average, and made a point to tell me how she corrected them.
When I was in my teens, if I wanted homemade chocolate chip cookies, all I had to do was tell my mom I was starting a new diet and exercise regiment to take off a few pounds. Every time, there would be cookies when I got home from school. She berated my weight, yet did everything in her power to keep me fat.
How amazing is this, the only reason they got with you in the first place is that you were everything they wanted, and they love bombed you until they had you in their lives, and when they felt safe with you, all the devaluation started, the change is so profoundly different, you have to shake yourself to believe it's even the same person, but unbelievablely it is, and then it all begins, just like a dream, it feels almost unreal, but sadly it's all too real.
he cant give any compliments
Their pervasive need to feel superior is wrapped up in their constant comparison of themselves to others. They are unable to come to an awareness who they are other than by comparison. The idea that the vampire is unable to see it's reflection is very true.
Yes he would look for anything to put me down once he criticized my shoes because he just couldn’t think of anything else. I would put makeup on he would ask why? The video is 💯 on point. Been dealing with these people for years. I’m 56 now and I can see them clear as day.
Thank you so much for this video its very insightful. Thats what my husband did to me (brainwashing) and i beleived him 😢
He criticised my body, told me i dressed badly and told me i was embarrassing.
Its sick yet he ruined my confidence and even worse was happy (and never defended me) when other people put me down.
Yet he puts himself on a pedestal, always telling me about how attractive other women find him 😮 and how everyone is either jealous of him or wants to be like him
Jeez i can't believe what he got away with (this started 22 years ago) and i wish i'd have known about narcissistic abuse then and got a divorce, as it was everytime i would try to leave he would gaslight me, guilttrip me (how could you split up the family) and create such drama that gradually he just wore me down and i just got used to giving up, i'm so glad that your channel and others like it exist, trust me you are saving lives.
As for me its taken ages but at least i know now that i have i value (not dependant on others opinions) and i am not in need of fixing or broken or the distorted and ugly picture that he drew of me
Wow you are amazing to be able to separate yourself out from the brainwashing. Amazing work. Yes these channels are amazing. These people control us because we’ve no idea what’s going on, it’s so beyond anything we’d dream of doing.. but once you see it for what it is. That’s when they lose their power.. .
I gained tons of weight and didn't get dressed up anymore living with a couple of them...I literally performed in houseshoes once and releasing the depression now.
When I am dressed up and feeling cute and confident I'd hear them say I was insecure and narcissistic. Smdh I didnt understand until about a year ago.
When I got somewhat dressed up, I was asked who I was going to f.😡 When I would get ready for church, he would ask the same thing. When I was in an aerobic class, he would stand outside the glass door to observe me, then made comments about how funny I looked. I gained so much weight because of his negative comments and shi+ty attitude towards me. I gave up. I was tiny when we met and had been an aerobic instructor, personal trainer for twenty years! I lifted weights, ran two miles every night, played volleyball, danced one or two times a week for YEARS, and I ended up with a narcissistic creep.🤦🏻 I dumped that waste of human flesh as quickly as I was able to.
He kept saying that I was overweight......I weighed 105 lbs! Ha!
She always said I was short. I'm 5 10. Lol😂
Yes, I have been suffering like this consistently since my birth by my mother ....
Any time I feel like the narcissist I watch these videos and can recall moments he did all of these things to me. And I remember that other people TELL ME I’m kind hearted and that my mantra is Love and I remember I’m not the problem. He sure twisted it to make me look like the problem.
This is just so mind blowing still, weeks into it
I’m also NC with my original abuser mom now because I can see her for who she is now too.
And you don’t even need to do anything. These people undo themselves. You can just sit back and watch after you understand. 😊
Danish Bashir, thanks for explaining 4 ways Narcissists put you down when you look good I was Married for along time to a Covert Narcissist and their are over one million ways Narcissists but you down when you look good I'm not Married anymore and they are watching me right now and putting me down because I look good thank you very much for your educational experience and support and I never hear a response that you even get my messages. Thanks. GOD-BLESS.
🎉 Congratulations on 100k!!!!
YESSS I am staying with my mom . I can NOT dress the way I want and I am scared af to get my hair cut or feel confident. She is verbally abusive to my daughters too about how they look. She went as far as to sabotage my apartment searching and credit so we are stuck!! My exes made sure I questioned myself and doubted my appearance and compared myself to others *who btw were trashy af*
OMG this video sums up the whole GAME!!
Thank You!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
People have told me my entire life that I am very pretty. Especially when I was young. I am no longer young and looks fade. My husband always said he hates it when I wear makeup. So, I stopped wearing it. Several years ago I started wearing it again. Just mascara and a little eyeliner. That’s all I ever wore even when I was young. My husband criticized me for wearing makeup. He said I look terrible in makeup and I just don’t realize how bad I look. I told him I like wearing makeup because it makes me feel prettier and more feminine. He said again that I look terrible in makeup and I look much better without it. So, I stopped wearing it again.
Get away from him, he's dragging you down.
Thank you, Danish! I never felt more ugly or undesirable then while I was with my ex. He criticized everything while he was 100 overweight and stunk because he didn't bathe regularly. He looked like a slob but had no end of criticisms for me. Thank you for calling all this behavior out!!
Yes to all of this! it all started with my mother! My parents were the first people in my life to build me up just to break me down in the end and then friendships that weren’t real soon followed, but here’s the kicker--I was able to get back up by cutting all of them out of my life along with the rest of the flying monkeys, because now I know --I am a beautiful person. I am able to see me not just from the outer exterior, but really see myself from within. Reality is that I have a beautiful soul that was abused by many envious vindictive people. I’m gaining my self-confidence back and no longer seeking validation from anyone--not even from my own husband.
I have learned to validate myself entirely; I don’t allow people to tell me my self worth, because damnit I know I’m worth more than money can buy! I’m wearing makeup again, I’m wearing dresses again on special occasions and I can really smile in pictures again and mean it, because genuinely, I am a happy person these days. All I say is Thank you to God for setting me free after so many years of being everyones’ slave.🙏🏾
When I asked my husband before going out (in bad clothes also) how I was looking, he always said "very good"
I faced all these mistreatments from my husband completely unaware what is going on........my confidence shattered completely...i had to work alot on myself to even look normal after that.....he used to select collar type neck design and full sleeves for summers.....for years i haven't worn my favourite color because of fear of his comments...nothing looked good on me according to him.....omg....all this was a plot and i was busy in pleasing him
Both my stepmother and my husband have done these things to me.
One of my narcissists ( i have come across more than 1) would comment or devalue me for looking fair.. he says he dont like fair women when he was in relationship with me.. infact i will sit on sun without sunscreen, or apply tan creams to make myself a bit dark .. and he comments also for wearning eye liners or kajol.. criticise those too.. when i stopped wearning all the makeup.. he started saying i look so dull and less charming and he is not interested ! what kind of people they are !
The two narcissists I dealt with, one a female family member and the other my recent ex, both would never compliment me when I dressed up. However, both would ALWAYS ask me how they looked or for fashion advice.
My ex tried to get with me for 3yrs and when I finally gave in he became hell! I lost my confidence, gained weight and my hair began to fall out!
I had to cut both of them out of my life and now I’m on the up and up!
My hope is for anyone dealing with abuse from the likes of a narcissist find their power and healing!❤
My narc husband immediately after marriage said the foundation gave me a cakey look. It's been 15 years now, I have never worn makeup.
Experienced all of these. "Who r u trying to look good for" were the very words!! Right from colurs, fabric to design i had to undergo dressing down. Makeup was a far cry, i was abused even to use daily moisturiser. Was made to wear flats. Narcissists r jealous of anything and everything good in u. So controlling ur look is just another tool to break ur confidence. U r right Danish, narcs r exactly like that.....break ur legs n question ur inability to walk.
My friends fiance made the comment "why can't you make your outfits match like her" about an outfit I wore 😤I just said "well I think she looks good 🤷🏻♀️" then when he wasn't around I told her not to listen to his bs because she looks great either way
I wish I could help her out of this, I
She use to dress up all the time and now it's hard for her to do it even on her own birthday 😔
I am agree with you, everything I bring for him he always say me it's not good,or something like this and he put me down in every situation, Best thing to do not doing anything anything for u can regret 😊
He use to say when ever we would go to a wedding, Do you think you are the bride? Why you want to outshine the bride. But I would just ignore him. But for every party we went he would say why do you have to be the talk of the party 😩
He wasn't so much critical towards me but he never complimented me. He would always notice what other women were wearing or if they had good bodies and then have something to say about them. "She's hot" or "I could tap that". Real asshole.
Real assholes.....My father did this all the time on the beach, when I was a young girl......Happy nobody is topless anymore....
So glad I found your page‼️❤️🤞🏾
Wow this finally explains why my ex acted this way. This is spot on.
You're absolutely right about narcissists. I got plenty of their bad behaviors since when I was a little girl to now. I'm early 60, but I look younger and healthier than average 60s. They show their insecurity to attack or put me on my choice of hair or clothing(BTW, I'm professional artist: pretty well train eye of colors and shapes) Well...I hear their bad critique as complement. They got their bad taste of critics toward to others. I got my good taste of sense of beauty and behavior toward to myself and others. I'll let them bark,bark,bark(nonsense nosy destructive rudeness) and let them be them. I'm happy in peace. I love myself. I'm my best friend and supporter. I'll rise my vibration and live free. I don't need their permission and agreement.especially their critique from anger)
"He was always stealthy about,along my stature and so on!I've always tried to dress for myself and who I am.A Natural Beauty,inside and out.🙏❤️🙏💜
Seeing you blossom reminds them of their withered state - how true. Just like your intelligence and sensitivity reminds them of their stupidity and crassness.
Spot on once again! Thank you for educating us! You’ve made such a positive impact in my life and I am forever grateful! 🙏
Absolutely true in my case. I remember, whenever I came home from a salon with an enhanced and prettier look, my husband made it a point to create a havoc in the house by yelling, shouting or hitting me without any reason. I understood this and stopped dressing well, going to the salon or wearing something good. I started wearing only cotton nighties at home and old cotton suits while going out and that kept him normal. Before I finally left him he had started letting me down on my looks. He compared my face with the private parts of a woman in very abusive tone during an outburst.
At 43 finally learning to take care of myself wearing make up and feels good to look beautiful..Else I was so made to feel bad to look good by my covert NPD mom..horrible experience of life...
Thank you so much for making these helpful videos. I truly appreciate them. ❤
Everything you described including the skit is what i experienced with my narcissistic ex. 😮
Omg... I'm literally crying inside, watching this video... can relate with every single word n reaction, I'd rather say Danish you toned it down, the reaction of narcissists. They are super mean and aggressive. I come from a broken dysfunctional family, where both my parents are narcissists, I don't have any brother or sister. A few examples I will give from my past n daily experiences... 1) My dad who is a covert, forever hated n disliked my choice of western fashion. I still remember I was hardly 12 year old, wearing an ordinary skirt n top to my music class, and he entered the room and sat down on his knees in front of me, gave me a looong lecture on how enticing a woman's arms are ( pls note, I was only 12 , a child) .. he said the upper half of the arms of a woman are too "exciting" for a man or any boy and hence I should refrain from wearing sleeveless. He was angry, used automotive tone trying to prove his moral superiority. ( later n over time it was revealed my dad was a super porn addict and as well as he had multiple relations with girls half the age of his daughter, me ..and had been cheating on my mother , our family, all his life) 2) later in my life, as an adult I happily shared a photo with my father... me traveling and me walking on a glass bridge.... he was never really happy from within , his smile was fake n forced , I could tell ...and when he saw my pic on the glass bridge, he acted as if he did not recognize me at all... later ended up commenting I looked like a " low caste " .. racist , communal remark ... 3) my mother always strongly criticizes my fashion 24 / 7 ...never I seen her appreciate my choice of attires or anything... the design, pattern , anything... rarely she likes.. although she buys bunch of clothes for me all the time, but she never likes what I buy or pick ... 4) when I try to loose weight, she purposely orders my favourite food ( rich heavy one) , ice creams , cakes etc... inspite of me repeatedly telling her , not to... I'm 30 kgs over weight trying hard to get back to normal... although she coerces me to regularly exercise n gym... but on the other hand continues with these tactics... its subtle ...every time I say, I can't eat as I have gym next day, she will start with her nutrition lessons... preaching me, I can still loose weight after eating everything, etc bla bla... She is a physician ... there are so so many more stories... I can write all day... I'm literally crying watching your video... Danish, thank you so much... wish can meet you in person one day... its so liberating knowing these games, learning the truth.
My narcicistic husband in some way or another has always tried to put me down.I have gone through bad times even suffered depression and he never showed remorse.When I finally had enough I sought help and by and by started to feel better and appreciate myself more.He is a weak two timing manipulator living a miserable life which he brought on himself.Thanks for the video
I admit I am an alcoholic to deal with my ex husband. He told me to get help and when I started going to AA he made fun of me. “Oh you’re going to AAA???” He would also leave fancy bottles of wine open on the kitchen counter. I never touched his wine. Ugh. I don’t feel bad for him at all now that our son refuses to talk to dad. 😂
thats heartbreaking! but go you for getting control!
@@Katiekay. thank you Katie. 🙏❤️ I got away. But now it’s about protecting our children. Total psychological abuse.
so true ! “Isn’t that dress too tight?” I jace been called beautiful but he never complemented me. At one point he said i looked good in (men’s style) blue button down shirts and khaki pants .. that’s the only thing he said looked good on me.
so many more things to agree with ..
At one point i asked him what kind of clothes he thought i should wear.. he said i should dress like the Italian mother of his friend.. she dressed like an old lady .. nothing wrong with that.. she was a lovely person but i wasn’t going to wear polyester pants and knit tops
This explains why when we went out and I got multiple compliments on my dress. I get chastised for not holding his hand the time we were at said venue. Wow!
Through your videos I have realized that I have two narcissist family members. Ofcourse I always knew that they ill-treated me from my childhood but was oblivious of the actual cause. Thank you for your guidance.
Totally agree.. all this happened to me
I really appreciate this danish, I feel that a covert narcissist mother does it also to other parts of your life not just the way you look.
How absolute knowledge you have? Your each and every word is absolutely true 100%
We live in an elderly apartment complex and there are a lot of female tenants. He is constantly telling me how each of them are dressed to the last detail
Yes, I understand, I have had my make up wiped off with his hand and then he spit in my face because i was about to go to a job interview as well as having garbage poured over my head right before a night out
I kept doing it but it kinda sucks when they never notice. I felt like I didn’t even really exist. It was like I was by myself only he was there. I still do it every day, but I’m flabbergasted when people compliment me. I figured I had just gotten older and I wasn’t as pretty anymore.😂That’s ok with me, I’m just doing it because I feel better when I do.
I intentionally watch ads to support you, your contents has helped me to crawl out of a toxic relationship which lasted for a year. "THANK YOU".
Another thing they do deliberately is never ever praising or complimenting you on your pleasing looks. They are such miserable, dry and jealous people that they feel jealous even from their children, no matter how small they are.
Yes and it's saddening
Exactly💯try to destroy your confidence unacceptable..don't want you to look better than them plain ridiculous🙄😳🤔
My mom never told me I was pretty. When I got older and asked her why, she said she didn’t want me to be conceited. But I’ve watched her in my presence tell other people how pretty they looked. Or she’d tell me how pretty she thought other girls were. Even after I went to therapy because I suffered from body dysmorphic disorder, she dismissed my feelings and didn’t compliment me.
I would dress up and wouldn’t say I looked beautiful or gorgeous during the devalue. “So you think YOU look beautiful?’ Haha…
Hell ya going through it right now....trying to leave....but it's hard
I got a compliment about how nice my hair looked and my mother gave a dirty look and said “she looks ridiculous “
My wife has totally crushed me. Try, try, try...nothing good enough (how her dad did it). I thought her sisters were bad, and didn't see it in her as well. Weird family dynamic, with appeasing their mother as their goal. I worked out steadily, lost 90 ibs...not one word of recognition...put 60 back on...
My narc would watch me put on makeup and would over complementing me to the point I question my beauty. I finally stop putting makeup and self care. I could not understand how he could still compliment when I did not feel beautiful. It was confusing. Now I'm taking care of myself. Thank you Danish for the enlightening videos.
Wow, I have seen all of the points you shared. Horrible, takes years to reinvent oneself. Thanks for the great information you provide us!
This is why I purposely look my worst around them,,, and since they hate love so much and want to destroy it,,I give them hate and that sends them off away from me,,,, Learning the game 🤠
Spot on every time 👌🏻damned if u care about ur looks and damned if u don’t care about ur looks insane this is the same also with the narcissist mother if u are caring for yourself she will say that doesn’t look good on u and why and for who ur doing that for sadly this complicates u so ur scared to care for yourself because she might tell ur father and brothers u have boys on ur mind or have boy friends this is so horrible it’s psychological abuse to make u neglect ur self and give up all hope of being happy in anyway
Your words in this video are insanely true. Specially color choices and outfits makeup choices. My God.
Oh my God 😮 this is exactly what my mother did, she broke me down for working out, will even beat me up for that and she criticised my make up so much that I stopped putting on make up, a bra and mind you I have huge boobs and I'm always wearing baggy ugly clothes and my hair looks like it's been eaten by rats, I needed this video so much, your channel is such a blessing to me, for the first time I feel like someone gets me, I'm not alone and I can improve, enough is enough I'm fetching myself again, definitely downloading this video
THANK YOU ‼️
This is SO true!!
Please, young ladies, stop believing their lies. You look good, and do not let the narcissist fool you into thinking you don't. Remember, they are playing a game with you.
Thank you, Danish
You're so on point!