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4 Most Cunning and Deceptive Behaviors of a Narcissist
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- Join the webinar on "Reclaim Yourself after being Raised By a Narcissistic Parent"
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:56 The Question.
01:08 1.Ocassional bread crumbing
02:59 2.Fake care for outsiders
04:35 3.predatory listening
05:53 4.Gift bombing
07:32 conclusion
Join the webinar on "Reclaim Yourself after being Raised By a Narcissistic Parent"
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/pna
You have reopened a whole new world for many .....a new happy life unfolds..Thanks
"Predatory listening" - perfect description. Sometimes they'll show their hand and just twist it before you finish speaking.
Perfectly describes a covert narcissist. Hard to spot if you "want to believe" that is a kind and considerate person, but once you put all pieces together (sudden violence, sinister remarks, extreme criticism that occasionally arise for no reason) you realise the wolf in sheepskin.
I'd like to send a big hug to all empaths out there who survived the evil narc's destruction. You proved to be immensely strong because you're still here and most likely had to do it all on your own, since only those who faced them can fathom the extreme darkness and despair. It was tough, but you came out stronger, while the narc is stuck in hell.
Word.
Thank you.
💯
Thank you 🤗
My narcissist boyfriend dumped me for someone else, and I was devastated. Of course, he completely destroyed before he dumped me. A friend of mine tried to explain to me that the boyfriend never did love me. My friend reminded me of all the terrible things my boyfriend did to me. I protested and I said how he did nice things once in a while. My friend said, "You were in a prison with a few pillows thrown in". Wow. Very true. My friend also said, "If you loved someone, would you treat them the way your boyfriend treated you? No.
The bright side of that breakup is that you came to the narcissist realisation. Relationships come and go and yes, feelings of devastation follow like ripples in water, you are no different from anyone to go through this. Now get ahold of yourself rebuild that self-esteem of yours , real love is out there. Clean up around you (throw everything away that reminds you of the past) and work on yourself (exercise, be with friends, laugh etc). Keep in mind narcissists are everywhere, like fallen leafs before winter. I treat them as machines that are programmed to pretend to be human.
My narcissistic husband flirts with my narcissistic mother n vice versa.. And am in my bed today unwell... Again tolerance for daughters sake
@@omsairam2828 Narcissists have no sexual boundaries, keep that very clear in mind. Things like incest, adultery is perfectly excusable for them.
i am son of narcissist mother and my father is emotionless selfish by birth.i never have seen love.i was in a relationship with a lovely lady.and i constantly abused her inconsistent behaviour and projected my shame that my parents did to me.as they feel good abusing any other person and i was close them i was an easy target.it made me hate myself i never felt i deserve good things(ie love).and i never see love and understanding between my parents.they are my templates.i was also a narcissist but it was not me it was my upbringing.now after i am feeling the abuse from my heart.at 23 i am realizing how i gave her the pain to that lovely person.
i pray she never have to deal with a person like me ever.i am changing but it is difficult cause i was never loved.
@@siuuu372 It´s not about you realizing what victim you are, it´s about you feeling for others as you victimize them.
He would say “ everybody has bad days “. Which leads you to believe he or she was merely having a bad day, when in reality they were purposely being cruel to you.
I know
This is so true!
It’s like they all have the same script.
In fact - once you have the script you never need to talk to them again. You can play both parts - or forget them.
To INTENTIONALLY deceive and manipulate with the goal of using, abusing and discarding someone is TRULY EVIL.
Absolutely! Recognising his intentionality in creating upset, frustrations and hopelessness (to name just a few!) alongside realising he was creating an abusive home environment for our young twins motivated me to end the relationship.
Intermittent reward and dopamine jackpot.
OMG ‘Fake care for outsiders’ 100%!!!
It just seemed so WEIRD she would talk about that powerful woman as if she was a vulnerable little girl. I just thought what is going on? Obviously that woman is tough as old boots, why be so ‘compassionate’
This explains it..
once again, spot on Danish . it’s so easy to forget “ the bad days” when things seem good . i am just so glad it’s over
@@jbrown2908 but sadly …we know they were
I could almost feel him storing facts about me to use against me later. He would ask questions, pay intense attention to the answers with kind of unfocused gaze.
My narc would gift bomb me and then take them back when he “needed” to punish me
Breadcrumbing, fake care for outsiders/kindness to strangers, gift bombing.. I'd never considered the listening as predatory - oh dear, I can see that now!
I overcame the confusion by learning about this mental illness. I was so clueless at the beginning and missed all the red flags that were all there from day one.
I continue to learn but it no longer feels compulsive. I've already gotten away and will never be fooled again!
I was in your shoes exactly. I didn’t even get the red flag when he made a comment in regards to his last x girlfriend “she deserves better “ the light bulb should have gone off at that point but then he would do and say things that made me believe he had a good side, only once and awhile. This narcissist is history now after 4 years of the smoke and mirrors. I have one more narcissist to get away from and it’s coming soon. This last one doesn’t get to talk to me or any interaction, if I can help it.
I like that you acknowledge the ‘compulsion’ of needing knowledge about narcism.
It’s something I’ve noted most victims suffer due to trying to make sense of ‘the nonsense’ of what is narcissistic abuse.
@@Lisa-ee6tf you can count me in on the compulsion to acknowledge educating myself on narcissism. I’ve been researching for the last 4 years to try and understand the narcissists that are in my life and also understand about myself. I think that it’s important to include myself and not all the attention goes to those individuals. I’m not yet on the road to healing because I have one more narcissist to weed out of my life before I can do that. It’s important to me that I not be around that personality type in order for me to really start the healing process.
I remember always thinking he isn't that bad and then thinking I need to leave him. It was constant thoughts after every battle with him. It had to be confusion because who does that? I never had to talk myself into leaving with anyone else before. I took too much crap from him, and he played me like a fiddle ..
The first 40 seconds of this video IS EXACTLY WHAT I PERSONALLY ACCEPTED FOR SO SO MANY YEARS BECAUSE I FELT EXACTLY AND I MEAN EXACTLY LIKE THIS. HE'S DEMONIC. I KNOW IT. I FINALLY WENT NO CONTACT TO HIS FACE. IT COULD HAVE BEEN DANGEROUS BUT FOR ME IT WASN'T. I THANK GOD AND I PRAY DAILY TOO, A LOT FOR THE WORLDS PEOPLE.
When mum died, dad gave me a ring he'd bought for mum years earlier. I already knew there was a reason she kept it in her wardrobe and never wore it. I was there those years ago, the day he raged at mum on her birthday, then was there seeing her reaction next day when he presented her with the ring. Out of all the things mum wouldn't have minded me having of hers that held sweet sentiment, he gave me that meaningless ring. He was wickedly good at coded language. I didn't want it but accepted it to avoid triggering his rage. Then I sold it two days later.
Kudos to you for honoring your mother 🙏💝🌿
My husband does all these wonderful things around the house or buys me random things, but its just so he can throw it in my face later like, "look what all i do for you, if it wasnt for me, etc etc" He calls me names if he dont get his way, he thinks he does no wrong and I am to blame for everything. Its like walking on eggshells. I ignored all red flags. He's the most negative person ive ever met.
Omg you just described my life.
@@nikc1520 I'm so sorry you gotta live with this too 😥
The only time my narc neighbour gave me the floor was in an attempt to prove that she had no knowledge of a letter I wrote and was "very interested" in hearing what it's contents were. I was stunned into silence for a moment because she had never willingly listened to me before so I knew something was up.
Definitely got gift bombed by my inlaws. It's definitely a tool for manipulation and control. They give us gifts so we'll need them. Cause they need to feel needed.
@jbrown2908 absolutely. It's stressful getting gifts from narcs. Their whole mentality is transactional. Gifts aren't generous coming from a narc.
i thought with Prayer , Faith and being a patient as I possibly could be . she would blossom into a different person..😞 not a chance ..I/We can not change anymore. no matter what we do . leave .. it won’t get better .mabey a little, and for a little while , but in the long run ? RUN !!
I have seen all these tactics narcissist use in his or her behaviour. Good part was i knew all these fake tactics. I didn't believe their behavior. I knew my boss's behaviour suddenly changed and he showed empathy and compassion suddenly after 3 yrs of working with him. Till that time i was narcissist according to him and attention seeker and he used to deliberately ignore me. I thank God for giving me gift to see through other's facade.
My husband became transparent to me. I mean, I can't help but figure them out after a while. When you do they look so stupid to you. It's weird to watch them, and you feel like yelling
"You don't see what I see?" "That I caught on?" Because they're too busy being self-absorbed and hooked on themselves, and they look so rediculous and pathetic at the same time. You can't bother them when they are into their delusional, sick, selves. It's unreal. You could slip out of the room, and they will still be acting it out. That's something crazy to witness.
These videos are very helpful
Your video describes my father's behavior 100% accurately. I cannot begin to thank you enough Danish Bashir for discussing & portraying these aspects of his behavior with words; as well as his personality & motives. It was only near to the end of my 93 year-old father's life that I really 'began' catching on to "the person who my father REALLY was". Your excellent explanations & descriptions have been a big key to unlocking those secrets; thank you.
Spot on my experience .mine was a malignant one
Just as someone experiences a high through substance use (immediate gratification) the long term destructive effects on self and others will become apparent. Same is true for personality disorders- immediate gratification and then express that they are miserable yet unable or unwilling to connect the dots. It’s a sad way to live.
Not just that. He took back his gifts whenever he feels like. Or endlessly remind me that I don't appreciate it.
Brother Danish! Thank you so much for your informative videos! I am free now for ten years! But your videos connected me! How he was manipulating me! I was a prisoner of Narcissist! Thanks again! Take care!❤
I was always being tested it was pathetic. They held no space for me nor empathy ....it wasa,daily battle and they kive holding a carrpt over my nose.....all the money in this wprld u couldnt pay me enough to stay in the room with them.
WOW! You're so on point! Thanks for the heads up. Now I see 😳 and understand what I see and hear🤨👍🏼.
Omg, my husbsnd did all 4! If only a narcissist would use the energy they exploit to be so abusive and controlling to be kind and considerate.
Danish, excellent excellent, excellent, absolutely truth, I thank almighty God for coaches and therapists and psychiatrist, you are wonderful and a God send, thank you so very very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.. by stopping using a ‘balance sheet’ approach and changing to a ‘deal-breaker’ approach.
Good behaviour is irrelevant- if cruelty is present.
That’s how I got out.
These videos are such a blessing!
Thank you, Danish. You're spot on.
I almost gasped with amazement at this perfect description of what has been my biggest barrier in this Video. Due to the impression and long sewed acts of amazing kindness and caring given to many in my community, you are left in complete limbo at home or even after leaving as to how to start explaining what happened in reality in the toxic home environment. The level of abuse and smugness as a result of this protective wall, still makes me feel like a black sheep whenever people sing their praises. I don't believe in hating anyone but am happy to understand these patterns described so clearly Danish. My first hero was my Indian Doctor Dr Sen whose face I saw each time I recovered from my first Epileptic Siezures , I loved his brilliance and grasp of command, you and Dr Ramani, prove yet again just how amazing our Indian brothers and sisters are. Thank you most kindly for your experience and brilliance. Deep thoughts and hugs to all who have been affected by this awful method and ruse.
Spot on. Your experiences are advice are greatly supportive. Thank you.
I was entering this toxic relationship in 2009. This is 2023. He has some change in his behaviour but a coincidence has happened this week, he was dating another more dangerous narc behinde me for a year. This eeek all of a sudden they got into a nasty fight and the woman attacked me to punish me.
"gift bombing" is so pathetic. "Intent is not visible on the surface". True Danish... NEVER fall for that trap. I just had a gift thrown at me from a passing car. When they were out of sight, I put it in the garbage bin, without opening. But I could see from the see-through packaging that it was coffee. Can you imagine, wanting to buy someone through "gift bombing", with a bag of coffee. Beyond, beyond pathetic....
Yes, I faced it
He has said, "You want me to do something for you when you are saying what you're saying?" (apparently we can't tell them what they are doing to us) I do things for him no matter what. Then I forced myself to stop doing for him at times, like saying how you feeling narc? Only because he shows no appreciation. I had been played so much that I'm into the game and saying, "What's up narc? Yeah, I bet you narcissistic freak.
very insightful and helpful...and its all 100 percent true...Also would suggest you to put a video on.letting of such people..
You were 100persent spot on with all 4💔
💯 true, thanks ❤
Thank you 🙏🏻
Yes, I can definitely remember a underlying feeling inside as I described how my ex a Narc had treated me and my new person sat with a certain look on his face, like he was downloading the info but not engaging emotionally.
Danish that picture that goes with the title of this video is hilarious. You’re just too cute 🤭🤭🤭
To keep you hooked on hopeless hope..that about sums it up.
They have to throw that card in so their stupid bag of tricks work!!
You nailed it AGAIN Danish!!!! My narcissistic husband was always helping my family members. He is always helping someone. It's like you know my ex-husband! Now he is doing the same thing with his new wife or supply. His new wife is just like him. It will be interesting to see how this turns out. I noticed that female narcissist are a little different than male narcissists. Can you do a video on some of the differences?
It's All so True, what you tell here, I know by own experience. It could go on for years, without me getting aware of it.
When I came out of a depression, was healed and started to have nice contacts with other friends again. I was dismissed by my covert narcist friend.
They do something nice and then they make you PAY for it! I told my husband to never do anything for me as I can not deal with the aftermath!
Later on I didn't even open the gifts anymore.
Very true ...I have learnt from experience and understanding that all humans have the narcissist behavior and mentality at different levels ...its is because of the sinful and carnal nature of man...the only difference pure narcissist don't ever change and has to be left alone to themselves....while other persons with a heart and empathy do say sorry and mean it and change...
When the discard comes and they are buying gifts and spending money on everyone else meanwhile projecting money problems on you.
Indeed the prolonged manipulations will lock your decision power within their control box. But, you can unlock this box by strengthening your “self respect “ and recognize your love as “so valuable golden love” and no one shall have easy access it.
So true .
{3} They are also peeping Toms. And they also peep in your suit case when you out. My narc mum would go thru my Suitcase when i was home.
I told her it's wrong. I told her it's prying into someone's private life, it's stealing. She still won't stop even my empath elder sis told her not to
She was obsessed with me. Then i locked my suitcase.
that is clear fact
Yes he says you have done so much for me ( in deed I have done so much for him ) he says his life would have been in mess ! )( truly It was )
But
He behaves as if I do not exist . I live in different apartment where he rarely visit . He never invited me to place where he lives ! Incidentally I have two other flates which he uses freely ! But his behaviour is such that I can not visit those area though they are very close to where I stay !
He visits me once in month or two months :)
Every time he says pl tell me what should I do do that I don't hurt you!
And if I tell him what disturbs me / he will do those things :(
🙏🙏🙏✨
"predatory listening has evil intent" but pretends to be kind and empathetic
To not being a narssistist yourself, especially when you have narssistist parents, is to forgiving them, but to hate every malignant and manipulative behaviors that they did to you..because its easy for the victims of narcisstist parent become like them..
relationship ith the self
Hi Danish, I have a question for you. Your story is very similar to mine and I'm very close to leaving my narc mother and starting my own life. My question is - are you in touch with your family after everything you've been through? I mean as in a cordial way. Or have you completely severed ties with them?
In case it helps you, what worked for me was to be very vigilant about maintaining boundaries while having cordial contact. Best wishes to you 🙏💝🌿
Hi ! Danish I m doing phd in psychology so Pl suggest me topic about narcissism .. which will benefit to the society as it’s actually very difficult at the first place to identify a narcissist …
Oh, this was gospel, I see myself as saying "Well, maybe he really wasn't so bad..." Yet I know this person Has to be the Top Dog and I know zip, can really do zip and have the incorrect notion on all matters that do not track with his own. As long as you go along, you are used. If not, I hold you in contempt for being a subspecies.
Sometime a whole society of people are doing this kind of thing. & Main line media !
That thumbnail though 😂
100%
Not anymore .
May ALLAH swt bless you with longevity n good health
"fake care for outsiders"
They should not be care giver for senior, or vulnerable
When a narcissist intently listens they are gathering info and war tactics from flying monkeys reporting back
Mom’s breadcrumbs…always waiting. ☠️
Remember 3 little words: ALL OR NOTHING
too much hot and cold became obvious
⭐ Promo'SM