The Father Wound | Otto Kelly | TEDxCarsonCity
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- čas přidán 12. 11. 2017
- Otto Kelly developed the "Daddy Academy" to combat the many social ills that are directly or indirectly related to fatherlessness.
As a young man, Otto played football for the University of Nevada, where he studied Human Ecology. He then embarked on a professional football career playing for the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars, and the NFL’S Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs before a 1985 injury ended his professional football career.
Otto returned to Reno where he spent 11 years as Washoe County’s Department of Juvenile Services’ first Gang Specialist/Community Outreach Counselor; a role which earned him numerous awards such as, The NAACP Youth Advocacy Award, Nevada Policy Research Institute Distinguished Community Service Award, and the Truckee Meadows Community Staff award to name a few. In 1999, Otto responded to God’s call and left his job to serve as a full time pastor focusing on biblical manhood, family preservation, youth advocacy, and community involvement. As a young man, Otto played football for the University of Nevada, where he studied Human Ecology. He then embarked on a professional football career playing for the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars, and the NFL’S Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs before a 1985 injury ended his professional football career.
Otto returned to Reno where he spent 11 years as Washoe County’s Department of Juvenile Services’ first Gang Specialist/Community Outreach Counselor; a role which earned him numerous awards such as, The NAACP Youth Advocacy Award, Nevada Policy Research Institute Distinguished Community Service Award, and the Truckee Meadows Community Staff award to name a few. In 1999, Otto responded to God’s call and left his job to serve as a full time pastor focusing on biblical manhood, family preservation, youth advocacy, and community involvement. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I need to mention that it's possible to grow in the same house as your father and still have the fatherless wound.
I hear that
This brought tears to my eyes because in this sentence you explained my life
Story of my life.
Well I'm not over here crying like a lost kid for nothing.
Thank you
My Farther was there, but.......... he was never actually there.
I can relate.
your comment.. I cried.
yea. Never related more to a comment.
Sound like he was falling in and out of love with you.
Same
I will never understand why our society got so used to seeing fathers leaving their child and be ok with that, because if a mother does the same she will be dead through the eyes of every single person of the planet.
I assume you're a single mom from the way you're talking about men. Women hold half the responsibility for the single parent problem in this society. Women force men out the house instead of working on their problems as a couple. Everyone takes the easy way out instead of doing the hard work. They dont "need" a man anymore they're strong and independent but go to the government for welfare. The welfare system has incentivized single motherhood and has replaced fathers in the home. Men arent perfect but take majority of blame for this problem in society. Men need to be men and stand up and take responsibility for their families.
Because women never have to pay child support
It's Me, Steve I don’t think the amount of money you have to pay is the issue here, regardless of ur gender u should be there for your kids. And clearly your uneducated because if a single parent father decides to go to court then the mum has to pay child support
@@mvp2233 That very rarely happens. Almost always the court is biased and gives custody to the mothers.
Its the moms fault! Wouldn't you wanna pick a partner you love and trust and to have kids with?
Who else tears up on that famous fresh prince scene? Yall know which scene I'm talking about.
Jesse Hernandez yes indeed 😁❤️
Every single time
I'm not an emotional man but I cried during that
"Why dont he want me!!!!" So sad.
Jesse Hernandez I felt that scene too much
Not having a father in our life can bring us to dark places. Not having a good father slowed me down, forcing me to learn on my own. Things that a father could have thought me in a more experienced manner and perhaps quicker.
Wishing you the best, and do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.
Yeah same here brother, same here. Matter of fact I am afraid to have a child as I fear since I grew up without a father I may not know how to be a good father
28 still learning allot..
@@anthonyf9423 26 and In that same boat
I agree and that is the reason we become good fathers to our children. Much love
I broke down from the exercise. close your eyes and picture the perfect father. boom. I sobbed in an explosive manner. and I didn't even know that was there. I'm 32 and I need a dad.
Man up
8:14 "Men stand up, please"
@@Notthefather91 grow up. this is an actual problem in our society nowadays , people with absent fathers/mothers can feel this way even when they are adults and they can't just "man up" although they should try to seek help and heal , but even then that scar will remain there forever because, they can't just turn back time to the past and avoid the absence of their father/mother or parents that dont necessarily act like parents or abusive parents etc. the relationship with their parents can affect them in the long run. and i'm sorry you can't understand that. or couldn't but please avoid making comments like this and think twice if not more then twice before u say something to someone else or keep it to yourself
because your comments can be hurtful to others as well as other people's comments can be hurtful to you. have a nice rest of your day/evening/night.
Mick it doesn't matter the age. I sometimes still crave the father figure. I think is an empty part of the heart that will remain that way cause we actually never had it there.
Don’t listen to that internet checks TV He is the dumbest troll I’ve ever seen on a comment page
My pops was there, but not there for me emotionally and mentally. He’s a hard working man but never really put effort with me. Dude it’s sad like I don’t even know him. Always called me out for doing wrong but has never gave me advice on life, women, or friends..
Same on mine bro I'm 16 i know my dad but would see him rarely he would have a go at me after I had the confidence to get mad at him because he cheated on my mom when I was one but he was cussing me out also my dad lived in the streets wich made me feel like I should get involved but it was hard but I stopped chasing him when he blocked me but luckily I have a step dad how has been like a real dad I haven't seen my real dad in 2 years
@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 well its good you have a father figure now
@@sanchez_1999 thanks bro its what us men need
@@newdrilltunesbrumday8059 we do bro good luck out there
Bruh my father stormed out when I was born and when I was 16 we met at my school i punched him in the face and I never saw him again
The fatherless wish they had:
Protection
Provision
Presence
Praise
Deep desire to have affirmation from a father figure
The father must be:
Encouraging you
Telling you you’re the best
Compassionate
Mothers teach kids female energies, Dads teach masculine energy.
A good mom teaches you respect, sensitivity, sensuality, patience...
A good dad teaches stability, selfworth, boundaries and a healthy ego, confidence in love, action, courage
This is your experience. Everyone has both male and female energy and abilities. There are many parenting courses on this very thing. I'm a proud single mom of 2 strong, confident, self-reliant men. My own dad taught me none of those things you mentioned - in fact, the opposite.
I just know the things my mother taught me.
@@jcr-studios its not necessary my experience. I meant in general.
And I grew up without both… lol
Well said!
Be the man, the father, the friend, the mom, the dad, the partner you want others to be. That would change your world.
I feel sad ,my dad was my first heart break,my first wound ,i really feel sad ,it has really changed me alot when i see men ....
What happens when you see men? :/
I'm 36 years and the wound of my father is the only heart break I have ever experienced. I constantly break up with man, at times I seek out a reason, and only now I realise I've been breaking up with my "dad" before he breaks my heart.
@@akhonavuma2379 same now I am at this point where I don't date men because I know I will do that and it doesn't would make sense to meet men
Yes it does, first off you don't even know how to value men. Not only did I not have a father growing up. I was surrounded by all women there were no men in sight to fill in the gap.
I'm a psychotherapist and feel the need you are expressing. This was not just a presentation - It is a CALL! Keep up your amazing work sir!
@Yuriy Yuriy Radical feminists? Sure. Feminism itself isn't against men though, and there are far more normal feminists than radicals out there. It's just like any other ideology, Yuriy
“I hung around with killers, searching for father figures”…. A father is an important foundation in a child’s life
I don’t have dad but Jesus is
Amen 🙏🏽
my dad cheated and had a kid with another woman. it hurt so much as a little kid seeing your mom throwing your dads clothes out. i just wanted a daddy daughter relationship without feeling guilty
Well your dad shouldn’t have been a piece of suit then should he… lord!
Madi: You deserved one. He didn't
This should have a million views.
All men who are fathers should have to watch this.
It will get there
Yup absolutely
I thought this video would've like million of views. Would deserve it
I literally cried by listening this podcast didn't realize despite my father is alive i never feel loved ,encouraged ,he was so emotionally unavailable that he can't even say i love you i never hugged him ,Yeh i born in a wealthy family but the emotional detachment from my both parents are equal, there is no memories no little moments ,i just realized i also needed to be my own father and meditate through that
.Thanks universe for giving this guidance!
I meditated through having a good father and it was a beautiful feeling
Similar situation here. Looks like we have to reparent ourselves. ❤️
Sorry to hear that I see a lot of kids who feel abandoned my parents with money as well.
only met my father once and felt disgusted, he was strung out on drugs living like an animal thats when i realized at 15 i can't rely on anyone but me and my maker
Your first thought was disgust? Why not try to help your father overcome his addiction and try to have a relationship with him? He was probably depressed and just needed someone to show they cared.
So sorry to hear that... do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.
O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ You shouldn’t guilt him, he’s aloud to feel however he feels about his father
@@TomAndersonDH he was a kid, why put that on him. He can't fix what he didn't break.
@@TomAndersonDH it’s not a child’s role to fix the parent
I never knew my father. Met him one day; 25 minutes at the age of 25.. he patted me on my shoulder and left.. I’ll never know growing up with a dad.
What did he have to say to you?
OP , he threw his arm around my shoulder and said, “nice to meet you man”
@@Jguru5 A lot of times mothers will force the father out of the child's life and lie to their children about him. Ive seen it happen a number of times. That child grows up resenting the father without ever asking the father himself why he was never around. Did you ask? and if he told you that he wanted to be in your life early on would you have believed him? Or was your hate already set in stone?
O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ he was very short... very quiet... I felt more like I was an art project he made in school he forgot about quite honestly... he only had 30 minutes :/ first and last time we ever met. Its been 3 years; no calls or anything. Idk, there was never hate in my heart... just confusion.
@@Jguru5 Okay I was just curious. Not all dads and moms are good. Ive seen the type of parents you are talking about before. A parent that wants to have kids just out of curiosity but does not want to take the responsibilities or time to spend with their kid. Sorry to hear that man. I know what it's like to grow up without a certain parent myself as well. It can be tough when you are younger and yes even when you are older. I can tell from what you said that it's not your problem and it's his, but id still try from time to time because I really regret not trying with one of my parents. I was resentful to them till they died. Didn't even go to the funeral. I was too filled with my own pride and anger and I wish I would have tried harder now that i'm older. Also a lot of men/dads have a way harder time expressing love than women/moms. I'm a dad now and although i'm in my kids lives I sometimes have a hard time connecting with them and I was conditioned early on to not be very affectionate. I always hope that they know I care, but it's very difficult for me to even hug a person or say I love you. So I just try to show them by doing other things like spending time with them or something as simple as making their favorite dessert. Dads/men have a lot of their own problems and although not all are like me, a lot do have a hard time expressing their feelings openly. Keep your head up and best of luck in life man.
mannn this had me 😭… its like livin with a wound that never get healed no matter how hard I try
It's worse when thye choose not to be there for you
Yea... You know:( i thought i was the only one...
@@nicholasdionne9693 no you are definetly not.. I feel poeple like us try to find a father figure subcinciously, i did in my relationship atlease (i am a girl)
Definitely. I've met my dad a few times when I was 2 or 3, and I don't remember him. I know that he has a new wife and he has a son. And he fully raised his son, but he couldn't even visit me? Especially since we lived a short drive away.
That's not always the whole story.
Me too xoxo
“When she lacks the things that would cause her to feel better about herself, she’s more willing to do things that goes against her morals.” This is so relatable as when I reflect back on my past relationships or friendships, I realised that I’ve tend to lower my standards and messed up the boundaries just so to please my friends or partners so that they could stay.
This was such a good speech. Boys and daughters need their fathers
but also there mom
I’m 23 and I still feel that hurt from my dad abandoning me. I though I was over the feeling and that I had accept he didn’t love me, but today my mind came crashing and it was so random... How do you make kids and don’t love them. Not to mention I’m your first born and first son... I will never do to my kids what he’s done to me.
You are loved man, and I know you would do better for you boys and girl
I know your pain brother you are not alone
I feel your pain. My husband and I grew up without a father. My husband told me I will never do to my kids what he did to me..your same exact words. My husband has been an Amazing father to our 3 children the last 14 years. Hes everything his father couldn't be. Even without any male figure in his life the love he has for his children is all he needed to break that generational curse of fatherlessness. Your words touched me as I feel your pain.
this made me cry but i feel less alone 💕
Jackie Shaffer i know its 1:24 am and im just out here crying
Jackie Shaffer you’re not alone honey bun. ❤️
same xx
Same.
I grew up without a father, now im 28, and still don't know what it means to be a man, i always wished i had a father figure in my life, unfortunately no one wants to deal with someone else's problem.
Most of my friends also were from broken homes, i could never understand why i never had any friends that grew up in a normal house hold. I guess the wiring is different with people who had both parents in their households. like minded people attract like minded people. To this day i have problems adjusting to society, feels all pointless, endless, hopeless. I promised myself i would not be like my father, and to do that is to never be one. That is the way.
Not to be creepy, but i looked at your playlists and thought someone stole mine ... haha👍🏽.
I feel you.
This breaks my heart.
Wow I relate to this so much, I understand.
Sending you love
You spoke my mind. I'm 28 too.
So strange! This is my good friend’s father from middle school. He is a wonderful person, with a wonderful family who help so many!
Rejection and abandonment. It causes trauma and the fathers don’t realize it.
I wish my 5 years old daughter ask her mother one day and get the real answer from her : Alissa you don't have a father because i have forbid him access to you when he told me that he didn't wanted to stay in relation with me , he have fought 5 years , travelled the world to see you , payed for all our expenses in 3 different countries but finally i have decided that it was better to build a wall between you and your daddy .. he loved you so much , spend amazing days with you ( 595 days ) , walking , dancing , driving on motorbike , he make u fly with paragliding when you was 3 yo , told you thousands of time how much he loved you , was so proud of you and could have bring the moon for you ... but my selfishness and narcissism was much more important so i kept you for me alone and have decided that you don't really need such a loving father ... but i love you my sweet angel , you doing great without him thanks to the human laws , family courts judges who helped me i have took the best decision for you ...
Man, i never met my father, all i know is he died on the day my son was born,, i dont hate the man. Cant hate someone you dont know,, but.. its just too bad we both got robbed of the bond.
Sorry for that Bro.
Melissa Justice -Todd sending you love & light💛
@Melissa Justice -Todd you lucky you even went to his burial. I hear mine died but I don't even know him. My mum made sure nobody told me even when I asked. It is even harder to deal with the identity problems
I had to Always make the effort to see my dad but he didn't what to see me I had to let go of the bond and I'm 15 its important that dad's are their I hear u bros
@@cairomendez-brown4292 you’re only 15 bro, from my experience a mom will tell you your dad doesn’t want to see you even if he does because THEY don’t want to see. i’d say when you’re 18 reach out to him on your own and ask him
I can strongly relate to this. I am 28 now, grew up without a father. He was physically there but has never actually been really there. I can only do stuff on my own like reading or studying, and that led me to achieve great academic success. But I almost have no clue how to interact with others. I can feel how people around me are confused by how great my academic qualifications are and how disorganized, antisocial and irresponsible I am at work and in my social interactions. I am also filled with so much self-doubt and have no clear sense of self or meaning.
Needed this. Just now discovering my problem & I can relate to this comment so much
Abdelrahman: There is an intellectual route to the emotional and social healing you want. Read etiquette and protocol books. I started reading them in high school and have read 5. When you are certain what the 'social customs' are that set the standard, you will discover in your daily life that the majority of people DON'T know 'accepted' social behaviors.
For the most part, the books advocate tolerance and acceptance and social comfort. In real life interactions, people tend to do what is to their own advantage.
You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling clueless.
The other learning that helps is to get out of your car. Walk the sidewalks of your neighborhood. Just say, 'Hi,' in passing. Just get into occasional conversations with gregarious neighbors on topics of weather or landscaping it a local team.
Venture out on buses.
Take a train vacation. Amtrak has $300 to $500 passes for 30 days, for 10 legs of travel. You can go to NYC, Washington, New Orleans, LA, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, and St. Louis and spend the entire time socializing with strangers, striking up conversations about what you see out the windows.
1 out of 1000 people will NOT want to talk WITH ANYBODY.
Most strangers are willing to chat for a couple of minutes or 5 or 10 minutes just because that is their social threshold. They will teach you what lines of social banter work and which don't work.
Most people have little patience with a person whose only topic of conversation is himself or herself. Most conversations like that will end fast. But lots of neutral topics, non-personal topics work.
If you are confined to family vacations, you can practice talking to strangers before and after PTA meetings or on Parent Conference night at schools. If you attend most events with a spouse, confide that you want to experiment with striking up a conversation with one or two strangers--just for social practice. (And avoid making the spouse jealous.)
People will tend to ignore you if you ignore them. If you have kids, you need to practice now because a day will come when they are adults out on their own, and you will need to find companionship without them.
The magic is in voice/silence and doing your share if the listening and your share of the talking. Brilliance is NOT required.
@@misso9823 hope you're on a healing journey now :)
@@AmericanStuff2024 I really appreciate you taking the time to share those helpful tips. I will try them out for sure. Thank you!
My dad did 21 years in prison. I am 25, my older sister is 28. He would tell my sister he was going to pick her up and would never show up then she was 6 when he went in I was 3. He lied every year about coming home. I hate liars. I hate waiting. I hate missing him.
Hey, I'm a year late for this one. But..
There's a possibility he really wanted to show up. But the shame didn't let him. Shame can be a giant hook on a man's heart. Restraining all good deads. Anyhow. God bless
My father was sick, something deep inside of him was twisted by the time I came into the world. I love him, I was so angry at him for not protecting me but I just wanted him to be my father.
There are only certain things a good father can bring; unfortunately either we have absent fathers or broken or sometimes both. To all the good fathers God bless you so very richly.
My father left me and my mom when I was a teen. He never cared about me, never given me a pound, he used to beat me and abusive me emotionally. I am 30 years old but my wound is deep. Every day every single day I long for I am desparate for a father figure. I look for everywhere and never have found a comfort. Day by day pain gets deeper
What are you supposed to do when u meet your dad for the first time in years and he says I love u but u say it back and don’t mean it. It’s kinda hard to love a stranger.
@@kaykayssl267 Mine won't even call me. I am sure he forgot how I look like
@@kaykayssl267 he doesn't care about me
whatever you do don't make my mistake. don't trust society for your wholes in your heart. dont trust or you get abused even more. find a goal a job a hobby and leave the rest to God.
You have a Heavenly Father who loves you so much
My father was there and is still there up to now. One love to him.
My dad was never there. Only his voice. But I love him even though I know he hates who I am as a man. But he looks just like me I will always love my dad. When he closes his eyes forever I will shed tears for him and be filled with pain. But my mama, my mama when she goes; my soul will die and a piece of me will die with her, I will cry for her everyday.
Whew, sometimes I wonder when I am going to get over the heartache of not having a good relationship with my father as well as a negative relationship with my step-dad. My dad says he proud of me, first I feel proud, then I feel angry. I needed that long before this. I've needed him to be present, loving, affectionate, I needed him to build me up. I needed him and he wasn't there. Still isn't. Watching this validates my feelings. I still want to know when I will accept that this I just the father that I have. I do have an uncle that's like a father to me. I am thankful for him.
I'm able to resonate with this a lot as a woman and also as a mother of a daughter and a son. It's funny that me and my sister have two TOTALLY different relationships with our dad and we grew up in the same house for years. I honestly believe that the pendulum swings both ways.
As a child its not our responsibility to nurture the relationship with our father. Its his. As we grow we can mend and do our part but it doesn't start with. The blame isn't necessarily on them as we both play a role in the relationship. I've accepted my own relationship with my father for what it is and strive to keep pushing forward in my purpose. Within the realm of reparenting and deprogramming what I've been taught and told and mostly shown.
Whew. Its a process indeed. Sending you healing vibrations Shaakira 💜
My father wasn't there for us when I was growing up but my mother ended up sending me to him when I turned 15. I bonded with him and he showed me nothing but love. I love my dad dearly and love my mother even more. When I start my family, I will always be there for my child.
Mine didn't even wanna know i existed. He just decided that i was expendable and left
i know your pain my friend. mine stuck around, but the only thing he taught me was that my hair had the tensile strength of holding the weight of my little body.
@@pelementmaker My heart really breaks for u. Do u have any children?
@@mrsyellowhawk5 no, im almost 30 now and i have been so afraid of becoming my father that i missed all and every oppourtunity to start a family. i wish, i might one day become a father, i know one thing forsure that i will not be the father i grew up with. i will love my children, no matter what hardship they may enter, untill the end.
@@pelementmaker I am curious on how it feels to be without a father because my mom went through that it kills me to see her still wishing he was around, is it like a emptiness in you? How does it make you feel?
@@bendover5255 most days its like a general sadness, i used to be angry alot when i was younger but that has subsided alot in recent years. actualy my relationship with my father has improved steadily, which helps but i still feel like im missing something, cause the fact is i dident have a father when it actualy counted. my mother more or less raised me. my father did the punishment, im 27 and i still feel like im walking on eggshells around him, i feel mostly fear around him.
how does it make me feel? sad, bitter and lonely.
Four Ps: Protection Provision, Presence and Praise.
Yup my healing also comes when men encourage me and don't look at me with wanting eyes.
My grandparents helped my mother raise me. I had my grandfather, great-grandfather and a host of uncles to fill the void that my father left. Looking back on it, I was fortunate to have such positive male role models and would live my life the same way all over again.
Anytime I talk to someone's father or just a guy or a man, I feel often invaded and feel like my personality could break if they would say certain things
Ya its hard for me sometimes to not hail a friend of my moms or a coworker or something as having aspects of being a father figure to me and its even harder to distinguish between a dude who is actually providing good advice and support vs someone who is manipulative and tries to put me down. Its one of my defining weaknesses in life
This man coached me in my little league football. Great man! Never forgot him
He is encouraging Fathers to be Fathers. And those who grew up without one or one whose not present, to focus on a father figure if you have one.
Thank you Otto for being there for so many of young men and women. God bless you, Joy and your ministry.
It’s called Love and we all need it and all need to give it
In today's world a man has to fight to be a father.
Not if they’re men to begin with.
I grew up without a dad, only had my mother and I love my mother but I asked her one day why I didnt have a father she told me not to worry about him that he didn't deserve me, but I knew he just left becaues he didnt want me, for me that hurt me for a long time it still does when I think about it. I never new him soo how could I hate someone I didnt know. I'm 19 with my own 1yr old child, when I new I was going to have a baby I was going to be by her side becaues I know that pain that pain knowing that you're father didnt care to even get to know you.
I wish my 5 years old daughter ask her mother one day and get the real answer from her : Alissa you don't have a father because i have forbid him access to you when he told me that he didn't wanted to stay in relation with me , he have fighted 5 years , travelled the world to see you , payed for all our expenses in 3 different countries but finally i have decided that it was better to build a wall between you and your daddy .. he loved you so much , spend amzing days with you , walking , dancing , on motorbike , he make u fly with paragliding , told you thousands of time how much he loved you , was so proud of you and could have bring the moon for you ... but my selfishness and narcissism was much more important so i kept you for me alone and have decided that you don't really need such a loving father ... but i love you my sweet angel ...
@@aliboulahna863 She will probably tell (and maybe she has already told) your daughter that it was you who didn't want to see her, and that's why you are never there for her. Of course, as our saying goes: you can never plaster the sun up. Wish you and your daughter the best!
You're not alone I too grew up without a father and as I result I vowed to do everything within my power to be with my children. Today at 46 yrs I believe I've done a good job at it inspite of the "father wounds" that have sometimes made me behave in ways I should not have.
@@aliboulahna863 this post didn’t seem to be about you… but go ahead and make it anyway 🙈
It has a been a while since I have cried this much as a grown man.
When he said stand up and picture the father that you never had I burst out crying. I wonder what that means. I didn't really think of a great father I only got as far as bursting into tears.
Same here 💔
“Their healing exponentially increases when a strong father figure is in their lives, not looking at them with wanting eyes.”
my dad lives in the same town and we have a strange relationship, we have never shared a meal, never gone for a walk or cycle and many more. He sits in his chair and don`t speak much to anyone. I`m aware he has depression and i guess this has played a major part in our lives. Sometimes i feel really sad and have missed opportunities trying to build our relationship
Birth Certificate dude I feel that.
I have a neighbor a retired sheriff. Great family guy and I call him my old man.
Cause I’ve literally talking to him more than I have my own father in my entire life
Everyone deserves affirmation from someone you trust in your life. Fathers and Mothers. The ideas given to us are seeds and make us adults today. How the child is raise, the lack of, or otherwise creates the result of how we love, treat, and care for others and how we handle difficult situations
I am trying not to cry
My whole life was ruined because of both parents. A mother addicted to substance abuse and a father that wasn’t there after I turned 8 years old. A father that hurt my mum and left her in shambles. My mum got clean and worked really hard to improve. She asked for forgiveness and showed me so much love. My father blamed my mum and took absolutely no responsibility. He hurt my family but I understand he didn’t know how to love. I’m trying now to pick up the pieces.
that dude is jacked
@Michelle Staunton 3.5mm jack
@@c0784 🤣🤣🤣 nice
@Michelle Staunton it means he's ripped, ie he's fit and mascular
Powerful message and call to action..🙏
I am so lucky to have a great father
This makes me cry because my dad left me when I was little and I always wanted to be with him but he didn’t want to come back 😭😭😭
You are such a rare and good soul. Thank you for this talk.
My dad left me 3 months after I was born. Now, he’s leaving his best life with his dream job dream kids and his wife that he loves so much. Why wasn’t I enough
Please know it wasn’t about YOU but rather about him. You are ENOUGH, you are WORTHY, you MATTER, your feelings matter and the attention you give yourself matters from the book of Iyanla Vanzant
I'm 22 years old struggling like a mf. It's crazy hearing that we find validation without evening knowing at the moments from another man. I always do better and feel great when a mentor of some sort praises me for a minor accomplishment that isn't even worth mentioning but it always dies out and I'm always chasing that high and I'm finally realizing this and coming to terms with the healing and acceptance that I finally found some sort of peace this exact morning. I needed to hear this video I'm glad I finally realizing after all these years of hurt like body hurts finally at rest
I'm 36..The father wound hurts deeply. I need help
I had no father and to top it off, i had a malicious stepfather. My childhood ended at 12 years old and i never felt safe when he came along. Nothing positive came from him. At 52 i feel the gap of not having a father more than ever. Anxiety is a major problem and i think having a good father gives you that security and feeling of protection.. I watch these videos to learn. Ive lived half a century and still learning..
Powerful message
Even Jesus needed a father- Joseph
That first statistic is all the motivation I need.
I'm a 30 yr old single mom, I am also a product of a broken family, I long for it even though I've been a mom for almost 10 years i still have this father wound. For the fathers out here please Be a good one, and present to your children's lives because the trauma will still be there and it affects us even when we old
Thankyou for this talk Pastor. ✨️🙏🏾✨️💚✨️
I am feeling so sad today. I wish i had a father growing up. 😭
Just gonna move around these youtube videos to see myself through it. AS ALWAYS. 😭
Hes talking from his HEART ! Keep spreading the LOVE WE NEED !
my situation is so confusing bc my birth father abandoned me but my dad stepped in and i have him. but there is still this ache and feeling of why was i not good enough. but then i hate myself even more because i have a dad and should be appreciative and grateful. i have a dad but not a biological one
I feel this. 💭
Haizek Haze it sucks lmao
I think this perspective may help you. A biological dad is what you want, but just as it usually is, we don't always get what we want. But more important is the fact that you have what you need (which I wish I had btw. I have a dad but he just doesn't play that fatherly role in my life and now I'm 25 and preparing to get married soon, but of late, I've just been feeling that void a father should fill).
Don't be mad at yourself for wanting your biological dad, it's only normal. But be more grateful for the dad you have and try your best to strengthen your relationship with him.
@laura leclair I can feel your pain on this. My stepdad (Daddy) raised me since age 2, but my Biological Father has always been around (spent inconsistent time together with him, stepmom, and sisters), but I've always felt guilty about loving my stepdad so much. I LOVE him beyond words, am ever so thankful for him, and would not trade him for ANYTHING. I just thought all of that love should have been reserved for my "real dad" Father. Today I am on a journey to gain my own healing from the discord in my relationship with my Father. I am starting to have compassion for him, because I don't think he was given the tools to be the Father I've wanted. But I must say, I DO have the Father that was necessary to raise me to be a the woman that I am today.
Tearing up here
Ty, wishing you the best! Do feel free to reach out if you need any advice.
Same I'm Balling my eyes out
@@therealinternetdad how can I help you pandemic?
I am a 50-year-old woman who is a single mother of a 15-year-old just getting ready and we're working on the license.
My son is fatherless and thank the Lord this mom was the HVAC installer and repair RVs. I can teach my boy some man things that most women can't.
I had a father out of state, my whole life . I'm now being confronted with my father showing up in my life at 50 years old not taking accountability when really, I'm not even trying to push it for answers really. I've made it over my humps so don't bring them back to me as my thought especially if you're going to walk circles around accountability. Better off staying out of state.
My son is seeing me with my father that he knows I haven't had . My son might have this with his father eventually. I'm making my father take accountability but I'm trying to stay strong.
I have always been a perfect example for my boy, but I've always had good intentions, and I'm always gonna be there . Had an abusive mother and my father is learning about this still walking circles around his part and my parentless life. My mother was a demon shadow, and my father was partly ghost. I'm doing better than both of them as a parent and I'm not expecting myself to be perfect. I didn't like being a child in that situation so I'm doing my best to give my son better. This is a lesson I'm going through for my son to get through his❤❤❤❤ much love you all!!!
I loved my father in the childhood, even when he shouted on me and beat me. When was 9 it turned out that he was a drug addicted. He never loved me, it was obvious for everyone since my birth. I couldn't imagine that he might be such a bad person. But he was and he is.
@@victore.1509 How much of that is what your mom told you though? Have you ever talked to your dad and asked him personally how he feels? Ask him why he has done some of the things he has done? Two sides to every story.
O̸͇͋o̵͇̕ 0̵̗̉ bruh he was beaten, you don’t need someone to tell you you were beaten
Thank you
😭😭😭😭😭 i have to thank God who is still helping me in healing of this wound
My son protects me too. This child is the first person in my life that cared so much. I will cherish this boy, my whole life🥰
I did not get any love or approval or guidance from my father at all. Instead he planted this toxic shame into me. This knowledge that something is terribly wrong with me, and that I will never be enough. It's my identity know, I am less than...
You are not less than! It's never too late to change your attitude toward yourself. Do reach out if you need some help here.
@@therealinternetdad Internet dad? Wow. That's sounds good :D
Could you imagine not having had a single word of affirmation from your dad ever, not a single physical touch (not to mention a hug), not a single word of encouragement ever, not a single look that's says, boy im proud of you, you done a good job, or ARE something.
But instead only abuse. Mainly verbal, emotional abuse, and neglect. But physical abuse as well everytime I would speak up (with I never ever did), every time I would disobey (reading mind / mood, I trying to do what's eccpected).
I was so fully convinced that everything is wrong with me, I am a mistake. Otherwise he would have treated me differently. He always compared me to other kids. And I wished if I only could make it right and change myself.
Yesss, father wounds beget fatherless children. The same message that I will put on my channel soon. I just started a fatherless channel myself. I am fatherless and I want to help the fatherless by writing books about it for the past 2 years. Let's march together! Btw, I am from Indonesia
Great. I'm a researcher, and I believe that you have done a great job.
Mine picked drugs over me and left before I was born and I still haven't seen him and I'm 14 and I had no clue what he looked like for 14 years before my mom finally showed me a current picture of him and all I said was I'm glad he left but deep.down I wonder what a good dad could of done to help me
I was in the same situation of not knowing my father until i was 17.
I want to encourage you to try to get to know him. Even if after one meeting you might decide you dont want to keep in contact with him, it would be worth it. I'm 22 now and havent got much contact with mine, but i can tell you it was crucial to me to know who the person is i was coming from. And i was actually able to recognise positive sides of myself, by seeing them in him. It might sound ridicilous, but i can tell you that if you are willing to look closely, even if hes addicted to drugs, depressive or whatever, its possible to find positive sides in every person. It helped me feeling less lost in life. I actually think i would be dead by now, if my pain didnt forced me to get to know him. And whatever happens, remember that it was not your fault that he wasnt in your life. You owe him nothing at all. All the best for you.
Being so openly honest here... who is watching this & hurting deeply as I am now. For myself I'm now learning why I struggle emotionally & freaking sucks
This made me cry. Thank you for sharing this. I didn't see my dad for 10 years and I felt so depressed.
Mothers of sons have it hard. They too have a tremendous effect on the growth and development of a man. It’s funny to me how women don’t go around talking about how men need mothers but men are stuck on making the roles seem bigger than than the other. Quite frankly, children need both. That mother’s intuition can help the man see that the son needs attention. I came from a church where the male was too highly lifted up. To be honest I think my husband needed his mother more than his father sometimes. That mother can help the man to talk it through. I do agree though that men need a father but they need a father who is gentle, understanding, caring, loving and so forth. Because a father telling the son to be tough and not cry and be bold is consuming to the man and doesn’t teach him how to relate in relationships. Good talk though.
what do you do if you had a father, but he treated you like a stray dog? my father never taught me anything, barely looked at me, and when i finally got his attention he used corporal punishment, such as using my hair as a luggage handle. the screaming and yelling.
now i have to say our relationship has improved, he still doesnt look much at me when we have a conversation but its better.
but i still feel sad inside.
Awww... Thats sad.
He more than likely didnt have it either & was uncomfortable & just plain ol didnt know how to give it to u. I can promise u that it wasnt intentional. The fact tht it has gotten better, not perfect... but better, shows u that he loves u.
@@mrsyellowhawk5 thank you for this, guess ill take it one day at a time. maybe when i get more comfortable around him i might have a conversation about my childhood, and his thoughtprocess behind some of the things he did, why he did it that way.
It wasn't until I turned 22 when I was told that my father saw his crushed by a boulder when he was 7. I used to hate him more than I hated myself due to his absence/addiction, but, it was at that moment I realized; he couldn't be a father towards me because his father didn't get to be his.
None of you are alone. If nobody told you today I'm proud of you.
Omg 7 yo seeing that? Horrible
God bless those beautiful human!🕊🙏🏼
This was deep. So real though. Very well spoken. Definitely hit me!
Rich and profound. Keep up the great work, Otto. May God strengthen you and bless you on the journey ahead.
My Father just died who was a poor example invalidating discouraging critical distant passive agressive. ITs so painful. one thing ive learned, its better to have a bad example than no example. in all the pain im Grateful for my Father. He had little ability to bless me. His dying words to me ...I asked him "do you like anything about me, do you think im good at anything" his long pause......"I guess i dont like myself".....wow. please pray for me as i struggle to process this profound loss and closure on the fact I'll never have my Fathers blessing.
As 19 year old young man, going thru all these years without a dad has been tough, can't lie. Few nights crying here and there, but I kept it to myself and put it all on my back. I tried my best to keep marching, left right left right, I would and still do tell myself. No matter what I have to carry this and shoulder it so it doesn't lead to my siblings having these thoughts. But I couldn't do anything but let a few tears out once he said imagine the perfect father and nothing popped up. I'm used to the fact that my father never wanted me. The fact I wasn't good enough. But then I imagined my younger siblings going thru that. I'm scared. I don't want them to go thru that. I'm not gonna put on a mask, I don't think ill ever get over the fact that I wasn't good enough for my father and I think it will leave a hole in my heart that probably won't be filled. But I'm glad I saw this so I can at least try to make sure my siblings get to have an easier time. All I can do is hope that they don't think about there dad as much as I do and try to help them thru that process, after going thru it a little myself. Sorry for the paragraph and a little sad sob story when I know everyone is fighting their own demons. Just felt like getting this off my chest. Hope you have a great day and I wish you the best of luck against your demons. And I don't know why but I feel like I should probably say sorry for being a drama king lol
Youre not alone hey, try and find a community.
I'm the same age as you and same man. I don't want my younger sibling feeling this way, so I pretend to be the dad I never had to them. But it still gets me all the time that my dad never wanted to be my dad. I hope we both find peace with that though.
You’re not alone man. I’m the same age. Feeling the same thing. Lots of love. ❤❤❤
I’m hurting for my son right now😢 God be a Father to him
What a talk. Special man right there.
My dad made excuses and hardly called me when I lived 2 states away then I moved 35 minutes away from him and I still get the same excuses. Growing up with him wasn’t different as I only saw Him on the weekends and wasn’t often. Now if I want to talk to him it hasn’t to be in the hours of 4am-230pm since he works a lot and early
As a new father who had great male role models but no true father figure, this is some
Of the most important and valuable information I can take it right now.
Amen!
I’m so tired of fighting my daughter’s father, who is an angry alcoholic… see it happening all around me, the effects of a fatherless world. It angers me on every level, God needs fathers to step up. Women and mothers, daughters and sisters. We all need you. Some of us are listening… but we are so fed up
Fathers ❤️🙌