Are you aromantic...? My experience as an aro
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- čas přidán 12. 05. 2022
- Published on Feb 11, 2018
Today i'm answering all your aromantic questions in a little aromantic Q&A;
I AM IN NO WAY AN EXPERT, this is about my own personal experiences and i urge you to do independent research.
Hopefully this video can help some people, and a special hello to my fellow aromantics
FOLLOW MY INSTAGRAM - / noodlerella
its rare to find people that are only aromantic 😅 I never felt the need to have a romantic partner.
I’m kind of realising that I’m aromatic. Like you said, I too don’t enjoy kissing, cuddling, PDA’s, cheesy lovey stuff, but I love the idea of romance in books movies and in fantasising. What I definitely know is that I’m not asexual and only enjoy kissing in the bedroom and intimacy if i know it will lead to sex. I don’t hear many people discuss the sexual side of an aromatic person. How do you feel on this? I LOVE sapphic romance books but now I feel like I am connecting to them more so because I don’t feel that in real life. I’m now realising that my past relationships, although I know I always hated being touched romantically. Those relationships felt like friendship. Friendship but with sexual attraction. Any feelings of liking/crushing on the person faded within a couple of months. I was unhappy because I felt like these relationships were not progressing into love for me. But now I know that’s because I’m aro. I get bored because a romantic relationship is not what I desire. What is frustrating is my mind is telling me I want those things. I want them until I’m in a situation where it becomes reality and I feel repulsed the second anything romantic happen.
I suggest looking into cupioromantic. It has to do with a desire of romantic relationships but not wanting to experience romantic attraction. I also love the idea of fictional romance (I watch so many kdramas), but irl, it gives me a sort of ick. Of course, being aromantic is just a spectrum and it can take time to figure out where you fall. I too am struggling. Currently I lean towards cupioromantic bc I like the idea of falling in love but i don’t intend to pursue a romantic relationship with anyone if that makes sense.
@@kobrapoison8440 Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I’m sorry that you’re struggling too. It’s confusing, right?! I looked up cupioromantic after your suggestion and in fact it does kind of fit. I do feel like I want to find love, I like the idea of romantic stuff. But when it’s actually done to me, the eww, repulsed feelings surface very strong, like I actually feel really nauseous. I can’t wait until it’s over. I do still feel crushes, liking people, and the giddiness at the start of a relationship but it fluctuates daily and some days I just feel nothing. This only lasts like a month or two and then I feel nothing at all but friendship and sexual attraction. I feel maybe I could relate to a couple of the aromantic types. It is so confusing right! Please feel free to follow me on Instagram (same as CZcams name) if you like? Maybe we could exchange more experiences. Have a nice day!
same same same
I think I may be aromantic, though I do enjoy the idea of dating but I can never feel there is something there.
just a random thank you, I think about the possibility I might be aro as well but honestly Idek 😂 and your comment was super insightful and gave me a lot to think about! Hope you're doing well ❤
Dudee I wish I could be in a qpr, I like the closeness and commitment in relationships (in some ways) but I hate romance, jealousy, and clinginess.
other Aroallo's are so rare ):
I'm Ace myself, I love that you are spreading Aro awareness as alot of the time people lump them together
Agreed. I'm in several aroace groups but no one is Aro.... And they tend to kind of erace the Aro part...
aro people can still want relationships, its just that they dont want *traditional* _romantic_ relationships, so you can very much get a bf/gf with a queer-platonic-relationship (no romance involved)
Absolutely a romantic relationship doesn't mean you 24 hours be there, kissing , cuddle to show people's there in relationship but yeah there are so many type rr you can try
I just like being alone. I have a few friends just to have a conversation with & that's all. Spending time alone helps me chill out & have some downtime. I like to watch TV & movies at home
I've been open to bisexuality since I was young due to the fiction I was reading, but the closest I got as an ace is bi-appreciative aesthetically. (Most people put effort into how they look, I appreciate the art form)
I still can't understand what romantic attraction is
its weird bc i know i havent experienced it but i dont even know what it is in the furst place that i havent experienced
Nobody really does know what romantic attraction is.There is no concrete description of it
Same I'm aromantic too.
I think I once experienced it in my youth. I also did not act on it, and never knew if the other person felt something similar. But as far as I remember, it`s two main components (for me at least!):
some kind of warm, fuzzy feeling in the stomache area, which also can feel like an electric current ... but pleasant ;D (the proverbial butterflies I guess).
The 2nd component is something like a tunnel vision, when looking at the person, with the urge to get closer to the person (literally attraction). It`s quite unsettling, like being drawn to someone like under the influence of a mind altering drug haha.
I never lived it out / acted on it. So I cant possibly speak to all the other effects one might experience. Nowadays I consider myself grey-romantic bc I experienced it "only" once (i believe).
Neither do I lol.
thank you so much for sharing this! I'm still trying to identify own identity under the aro spectrum. I feel like a lot of my difficulty comes from accepting that I mostly just feel sexual attraction. I have some lingering guilt with that since it's so normalized in my country that sex should be present only between romantic couples, especially only after they're married. everything else has a connotation of shame, whether it's premarital sex, sex workers, or having sex with someone not your partner...which there really shouldn't be any shame! at this point, idk yet whether I'm identifying as aro flux to somehow still fit into amatonormativity or if I really do feel a little romance. there's so much unhealthy assumptions to unlearn that makes it so confusing, as if figuring out romantic vs platonic attraction wasn't confusing enough :/
great video! these kinds of media help me get closer to understanding myself better and I really appreciate it :)
same with the guilt, though i live in america and the stigma isnt AS bad. i will keep being aroallo to my grave from my family because i don't want to perceived as slutty (even though i'm a virgin :p)
if my brother has kids im just going to be that distant aunt with no kids or romantic relationship and when my parents ask whats up i'll just say "havent found the right person"
Thank you for posting your experiences here. I'm trying to figure things out myself. And hearing the experiences of other aro's helps a lot. I really dont like the cuddling, kissing, and especially PDA. Which makes dating a painful awful experience for me. I think having a name for this and knowing you dont need a partner to be happy, in fact having a partner can make you very unhappy as an aro, brings me peace. Theres a lot of power in knowing what makes you happy doesnt need to conform to what society and culture at large says you need to be happy. Also exactly the same with experiencing romance through media and fiction. This is fun to read about but I would HATE this irl.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, this cleared up a lot of my doubts
The thing for me is that I'm pretty sure I never had a 100% crush on somebody (i maybe just found them attractive). I also dont feel the typical butterflies or the heartbeat or whatever but I rly rly want a relationship and i very often fantazise about it. I'm fine with cuddleing and holding hands but I dont feel something by doing that and I also dont like kissing that much.
This is rly confusing to me and after doing some research I dont know for sure where or if i might be in the aro-spec
I feel almost the same way.
Hey, thanks so much for this video. This was the first time someone ever said exactly how I feel, including all the details. I even cried at the end. Thanks a lot❤
OMG a girl after my own heart! I'm also a long time DisNerd! Romantic fiction fulfills any need for romance I'd ever have. No desire for "real life" romance at all unless I actually have real feelings instead of putting on an act. Thanks for posting! :)
Im doubting cause romance in general makes me cringe and I cant see myself in a romantic relationship..
Just coming back to this video. I'm still not getting the whole dating and having to 'find someone'. Like, I dont get the whole 'find your one'... The heartbroken stuff, the butterflies...I dont get any of that.
Then people are like, your going to miss out on that girl etc.... I'm like... miss out for what?
I dont get the proposing from guys to their girlfriends etc... i ...i just dont get it.
I’m 35F, never been in a relationship and now I’m trying to figure out why I’ve never been drawn or felt a need to start a relationship with someone. All my friends married in their late 20s and 30s and are currently having kids. I can’t help but feel that I’m way behind all of them in fulfilling these milestones but at the same time, I just don’t have the urge to join the bandwagon. I’ve had crushes here and there, but that’s it. I can’t imagine holding hands or being lovey-dovey with anyone. There’s been guys that have made me blush, but I just don’t act flirty with them. I grew up in a home where emotions and signs of affection were not encouraged. I remember being nine or ten years old and being relentlessly shamed for having pictures of cute guys in my room. Ever since then, I swore off outwardly showing my feelings for the opposite sex and just tried to numb myself. After decades of being and living like this, I just grew numb and felt no strong attraction or need show my feelings towards anyone anymore. ☹️
Do you ever feel heartbroken. I just dont get the heartbroken part, and all music is about love etc but i dont feel it...
I dont even get the hype around marriage receptions etc.. its cringe.
We feel love not romance damn
I was never heartbroken and yeah you are not alone I find this cringe asf
same, even when in a breakup, I feel sad but more like I lost a friend, and not at all the heartbreak thats described by others
Tysm! I am for sure Aromantic but not asexual or at least not sure about that
Does anyone knows of aromantic groups? I'm in several aroace groups but there are no Aros...
This made me question myself
Finally found ma people😭
👏👏👏
OMG THANK YOUUU!
Given that many aromantics enjoy romance in fiction, movies, etc, but not in n as actuality - I can't help thinking that this comes from the fact that real life romance just can't live up to these fictionalized depictions of what an "ideal" romance or relationship is supposed to look like. Of course fictional romances tend to be more exciting, less risky, and much lower effort than real life relationships - so why would you even want to put in the effort for a humdrum real life version of that romance?
okay, so you too like me, to me not be aroace 😅
Asexual means to experience little to no sexual attraction except under specific circumstances. Aromantics experience little to no romantic attraction except under specific circumstances. From what you're describing of yourself, you sound like you could be aegoromantic!
I am an aromatic & asexual. Not many people are aromatic
I wanna highlight 2 things that Connie said:
1.) Being Aroace (or just 1) is a SPECTRUM.
2.) Some people do not stick with their current identity forever.
Okay so the reason i wanted to highlight those is because people overlook it so much.
1.) Aro and Ace both have "little to no" in their definitions. That implies a variety of identities and experiences. Just because someone identifies as aroace dosen't mean any 1 thing. Aroace are umbrella terms that have many different valid experiences and identities within. You are totally valid if you feel one or neither or a little of one or both or whatever.
2.) Identities can change. Gender and sexuality are fluid and we should respect that. Often people are afraid of using a label because they're afraid of being wrong and maybe offending people. But humans are imperfect, we are not meant to know everything even everything about ourselves. Time, experiences, people, and situations will change us in a whole bunch of ways and some of those ways are identity based and THAT'S OKAY. i used to feel Pan and Cis but now I feel very much somewhere on the aroace spectrum and also trans (bigender maybe idk lol). The trans part didn't scare me, it was the aroace thing. I had suspected it for roughly 6 years but just last year in like November I finally was like "ykw, I don't care if I'm wrong, this is how i feel now" and although it scared me because I wanted to feel normally and I'm terrified of being wrong, it felt right in the moment. Tomorrow I may meet the love of my life and fall truly in love, but that will be a new chapter of life. I could wake up next week feeling cis and bi but right now that's not me. It still makes me sad to think about for multiple reasons but then at the same it brings me a sense of peace. I am just one with the world, a fleeting concept that doesn't need romance to be fulfilled (although I would like to have it I can live without it. Also absolutely no shade to allos!!). Love may be in my book, but not this chapter. And yeah, for me it could be my rough childhood, low self esteem, and never feeling love or being desired, but I'm on a healing journey so if those are the causes, I will figure it out and take it slow. We aren't meant to be this stressed and harsh on ourselves. Stay safe and be kind to yourselves.