5 Signs You Might Be Aromantic | How To Know You're Aro (ft. My Sibling Kim Saga)
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- Hey Everyone! Soooooo there's a lot of new peeps here and it's mostly because of my "5 Signs You Might Be Asexual" video. And in the comments I noticed that there were some folks who wanted to know about being Aromantic. I am not aro so I decided to bring someone in who is. My sibling, Kim Saga Talks about some signs about how they figured out they are on the aro spectrum. I hope this helps some of you guys!! And if you can think of any other signs let me know in the comments!!
5 Signs Videos:
5 Signs You Might Be Non-Binary: • 5 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE N...
5 Signs You Might Be Asexual: • 5 Signs You Might be A...
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two nonbinary siblings, one ace/biro the other bi/aro. it's like destiny.
What does nonbinary mean?
@@AlphaMacho it means that their gender is outside of the gender binary of man or woman. non-binary people generally use they/them pronouns because they are gender-neutral.
you can watch Lynn's video talking about their gender dysphoria if you want to learn more: czcams.com/video/GW-sit_0KoM/video.html
@@cupman6477 ohh ok thanks!
I think they have another non-binary sibling?
@@fujoshipeanut5074 maybe? if you're talking about Quin Saga, I'm pretty sure they're either a roommate or a friend. I remember a stream where Lynn said that Saga is more of a network-type thing than their actual last name, and they used it to join Quin's Saga Network. I could be completely wrong about that tho.
1. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous things because they love someone
2. Finding a romantic partner seems like an obligation
3. You feel as if the media or other people are making up romance (“That sounds fake but ok”)
4. Just don’t feel need to find/pursue a romantic partner
5. Romantic affection makes you uncomfortable
Kinda makes me think I might be aro
@@xferalfairyx Yes I'm actually really suspisious now
the last one-
I'm a ace/aro person who wants kids (adoptive)
The things is that I don’t know if I want to find a friend that I can be totally comfortable and cuddly with or if I want a partner 🥶
6:49 "That sounds fake, but okay"
Haha there's literally an ace- and aro-focused podcast called "Sounds Fake but Okay"
there also is a song called "sounds fake but ok" ... its a great song... makes me happy every time
Sounds fake.. but ok.
@@mirandapanda5439 sounds fake but ok
I'm hella platonic, but any time someone is romantic towards me, my brain goes on high alert. Like "something is VERY wrong."
Growing up I always had what I thought were “crushes” and I thought what I felt was what everyone else felt. But I realized that all I felt was aesthetic attraction. And I would wonder why I would lose interest in the crush when I found out that they liked me back, like I’d be repulsed
Wait lmao I'm so glad I'm finding more people with that experience ,, like I always wondered why I'd lose "interest" in someone if they showed any interest back
Yes! I went for about four or five months thinking I was attracted to a boy I knew but when he asked me out I felt nothing. Nomatter how hard I tried I couldn't think of us being together.
This literally happened to me 2 days ago like-
Theres has to be a name for this right?? Im so gladd im not the only one feeling like this TwT.
Just looked it uo on google •^• :
The reason why you stop liking someone the moment they like you back is more sinister than you might like to think. It is because you hate yourself. ... It simply comes as a result of thinking that we are not enough. When someone likes us back, this indicates that they have approved of us.
Wait. Same! I thought it's crush but then I lost interest so fast and now I know it's all due to aesthetic attraction. Ahaha I feel dumb but enlighten at the same time when remember the time I stare at my "crushes".
WAIT i relate to this sm im- like as soon as i find out they like me back im immediately uncomfortable n stuff
I'm very emotional for romantic actions of couples I ship, but if someone would do it for me I would be without reaction, in the negative way. It feels constraining really, it's as if I were in debt to that person and should 'repay' them with another big act or with commitment. I feel bought, that's it. But super cute if it's not with me =D
literally same
Omg same! I feel constrained by any thoughts of commitment and feel "bought" into having a relationship. So i just dont x)
Saaame, btw that's called aegoromantic, which is basically what you explained. You like the idea of romance but wouldn't want "partecipate" yourself, I'm aegoromantic as well
OMG I love you so much! I think I've finally found out how to identify myself as! Aegoromantic-aegosexual? A bit of a mouthful but I've never felt like something described be better than this, after reading up a bit... Seriously, thank you :))
I feel that
I always get frustrated at characters who give up careers or other amazing opportunities for another person
Ok so I’m Agender and seeing your sibling, Kim, being feminine it really made me feel better... I was born in a bio-female body but I always thought that because I’m Agender I can’t wear feminine clothes, and seeing Kim made me realize that it’s ok for me to wear feminine clothes and not identify as female.
It was definitely one of the things they asked me too and was worried people wouldn’t take them seriously because of. They’ve always been more femme but presentation doesn’t always equal gender. I’m really happy they helped you❤️
My heart soared seeing them present in a feminine way. I have someone very dear to me who is discovering that they are more comfortable with they/them pronouns, and they were born bio-female and, so far, still loves to wear pretty jewelry, makeup, clothing, etc.
I’m personally bi (also cool using demi or pan) and gender-fluid. I use she/her pronouns but identity mostly as a *person*. That whole “sounds fake but okay” phrase? That’s me with gender! Like, some random days of the year I’ll get an inkling of feeling like a girl and go OHHH that’s what gender feels like! But most of the time, I literally have no idea what that could possibly feel like. I just *exist*... And I came to the conclusion that “trying to look pretty doesn’t make me a girl; it makes me fabulous.” 😊
Rock on, fellow human beings! You’re all extraordinary!
OMG! THIS. IS. ME. 👁👄👁
I've always felt like, if gender is a spectrum, I land in the middle with the needle ever-so-slightly wobbling on the faintest edge of 'Female'. I wear men's pants and shoes, simultaneously with very feminine shirts, jewelry, üuber long hair. I don't shave, am tall and muscular, but have traditionally 'pretty' female facial features. Sometimes just existing can feel like such a dichotomy.
The notion of being non-binary holds a lot of appeal/comfort to me, but I kinda always figured that wouldn't be 'allowed' unless I stopped wearing my pretty shirts and cut my hair.
Knowing that I can continue to present with traditionally feminine trappings while internally knowing that I'm probably non-binary is an amazing paradigm shift. THANK YOU FOR POINTING THIS OUT! 😀
Same situation happened with me!
@@TakaraoftheElves You sound fabulously gorgeous! I accept all of the pronouns and love to wear "dad shirts" as I call them and love to wear my hair short. I've been leaning more towards the masculine side of my wardrobe but I wear dresses sometimes of they have pockets. It was cool to hear that you have become comfortable with youself and it has inspired me. Thank you!
Being told "I love you" definitely threw me off. And then I realized I was aro (and I'm also ace :D) Pretty much, I like people to keep me company and kiss/cuddle. But not have a romantic or sexual tie to it... which is the weirdest thing for basically anyone besides some other aroace people
Big same. Is this just aroace or is it something different?
Also difficult having that without inconvénient feelings of others getting in the way.
Cant kiss ya homies goodbye smh
I'm aro and I like to call my friend honey or sweetie and I call them hot n stuff and they are ok with it cus they know it's a friend thing
Oh my god that kiss/cuddle thing without being tied to sexual or romantic feelings is so true! I would do it but just because it "fits" or is an appropriate reaction at the moment
There’s this thing (idrk if it’s a type or affection, or type of relationship, etc etc.) called queerplatonic, it’s the blur between romantic and platonic, where you can do romantic and/or platonic things, but only as, like, best friends. So you can kiss or marry platonically, but never anything sexual. But if you’re not comfortable with that, you can hug or hold hands, actually you don’t even need to touch! It’s perfectly fine to only be talking or playing with each other :D
I hope I wasn’t confusing haha-
Is anyone else just like: "What's a crush? What does it feel like? How do I know I have a crush? Can dreams confirm your 'crush?' 'Cause I don't know if any of this applies to me..."
Just me? OK then, just gonna go doubt my romantic identity again for the 5th time this week-
OMG I SAY THE SAME THING TO OTHERS :O
Same
Add me on that list
ME. Literally me.
YES
From what I`ve also heard about signs of being aro or ace, (not all ace or aro people experiance the same thing but I thought I`d mention it) is that we sometimes "pick" our crushes due to the thought of not having one is considered "unnatural" . Love you Lynn and Kim, you two are so wholesome, keep it up!
Wait, hold up. I thought it was normal you can choose who you like.
Like I never understood this whole "love just happens and you have no control over it" thing.
@@cockycookie1 Unfortunately, you're not supposed to be able to choose? I'm aro myself but from all my friends have informed me that they've never picked who they liked, they simply LIKED for no huge reason??
I did that and now identify as asexual.
oh my god-
i literally did this-
i can't believe i never realised i was aroace before now.
@@haley3235 You don't necessarily *choose* crushes, they just happen. You can choose to pursue a crush but that's different. Usually when you choose and a "crush", it's not because you like that person, it's because you feel like you have to. Closeted aromantics feel like they have to have a crush to fit in which results in them choosing a "crush" when in fact they have no romantic feelings towards them.
I came here directly after the ace video and... all the signs are relatable?? I'm about to go into major self-introspection mode :/
this is exactly me😭
i'm currently having a sexuality-crisis(if that's even a thing, pretty sure it is) while watching youtube videos and scrolling through comment sections lmao
I think my friends and characters I ship are soooo cute when doing romantic stuff and I’m very empathetic so it was like I would convince myself that I could feel that way and I was just always disappointed when I’d date someone and then not feel anything romantic for them like I thought I should
Literally meeee
There is nothing someone " should" feel, not romantic feelings, not " gender identity". Stop stressing. Feelings are to be mistrusted. Values are not. Find out what your values are and start focusing on others. The constant ( and self- centred ) self- examitation and analysis will stop. Stop checking what separates you from others. Check regarding what causes or projects you feel not different. Go for those.
Me when signs point to me being either lesbian or aromantic but I have no previous relationship to analyze 😔
Lol same! I say that in lesbian because its easiest but really I've never liked someone before
THIS OMG
BESTIE SAMEE
Now I'm 89% sure I'm Asexual/aromatic but pan-aesthetic ? (If that's a thing...I'm gonna say it's a thing) on a side note in my household saying 'I love you ' has zero romantic meaning to it, it's just something we say all the time and I never understood why people make it a big deal out of nowhere.
Omg YES. Like why does it matter THAT much
Wow, everything you said matched up with the way I'm working stuff out at the moment.
As an alloromantic the reason we get so excited over that is like it’s just something a lot of us don’t hear often and it feels special because you feel special and love is one of those things that means so much coming from someone that you love romantically/sexually and it gives you a strange feeling in your chest which is so very rare, and it’s just so thrilling to feel that after feeling so lonely. When it’s said a lot it looses it’s special feeling because it becomes more rare. When it doesn’t have a romantic meaning to it, it doesn’t quite feel as rare but those who perceive it as rare get excited because of those special words that are used to express love are being said, and it’s just seen as exhilarating.
TLDR: People who don’t hear “I love you” often get more excited than what would be the regular blank reaction.
I’m like, 67% percent sure I might be grayromantic, but I dunno. I’m extremely very confused right now, like really confused.
My biggest sign was that I used to think that romantic attraction was just being sexually attracted to your friend. Just a mix of sexual attraction and platonic
That's not what it is???
@@egg_bun_ key words babes, “used to”
@@hwtakz lol. No, my reply is responding to the fact that your comment makes sense. I had to think a moment on why you replied like that.
@@egg_bun_ OH BYE LMAOOO DHDHDHDHD sorry I’m so bad at tones over text, that’s my bad 😩
I am legitimately shook?? That's not what romantic attraction is?? (I love your icon btw)
I don't get it when their partner tells them they can't talk to their friends anymore cos else they'll break up with them and then they stop talking to their friends. Like,,, I don't get why you would give up your friendships for your partner when they're clearly not very nice anyway for making you leave your friends
Fr it's just so toxic
Because you've been manipulated. That's why.
I’ve had “crushes” but never thought about dating or cuddling or anything so I eventually chalked it up as wanting friends (I didn’t know about aro/ace); a couple years later I found out about those identities, and now I’m questioning my whole romantic life 😂
do you ever meet someone and you find them so nice to be around with but then they don't friendzone you? 😭 when it's a guy they will simply never look at my face after i reject their feelings (i didn't hate them, i just didn't like them that way?? idk how that way is tho, idk romance)
So relatable, but he did friendzone me, and after that he was jealous of me talking to other guys that are my friends, so he stop talking to me out of the blue. People, who understands them?
Anyone watch Grease for the first time as a kid and everyone else is like 'awe the ending is so sweet
I thought kinda the same thing. I found it cute but at the same time also fucked up 😂
the thing that got me to realize i was aro was thinking about introducing someone was my romantic partner to someone else and just not vibing with that at all.
Aroace here, glad to find your channel. I'm still questioning the aro part because I get attached to a lot of fictional characters of opposite gender (maybe not even romantically, just admiration) yet I've never got attracted to any real person yet... It might be caused by societal pressure
OMG THIS IS MORE THAN RELATABLE
My mum told me I'm a late bloomer and that I'm too young to know. (She herself started dating when she was 20). Am I an aromantic? I came here to see and I have all the signs of an aromantic, but Im only 15 yet so I don't know if all those romantic things and the desire of having a romantic partner and a marriage come with age or not.
Yeah and thanks for this video, it was nice to relate to someone too.🌻
Just because she only started dating at age 20 doesn't mean she couldn't experience romantic attraction before then. Kids have crushes in kindergarten, so going 15 years without a single one seems pretty impossible if you aren't aromantic. I obviously can't tell you what your orientation is since I don't know you, but I'd say, as someone who figured out they were aromantic at age 16, I'd say you should trust yourself and consider it, but definitely don't let your mom or anyone else police your identity.
@@pihkabottomtext4628 Thank you for the nice comment you sent.🌻🌷 You helped me understand more and now I can be pretty sure Im an aromantic, because having a crush seems alien to me. But I don't really know how to explain my mum, she is 100% sure I'm heteroromantic heterosexual(her words) and I'm neither😆. (Also I would probably really disappoint her. I'm thinking of letting it be for the time when she'll be asking why I still don't have a boyfriend, that would probably be the right time to explain everything since she says I'm just joung yet.)
Well dont force yourself to choose yet. But also dont force yourself to expriment if you do not want to.
And you can say you are aroace if it makes you feel more validated to feel the way you do. Thats what labels are for: make you feel better. And give an explanation to others too i guess... At any rate if you end up liking someone or feeling sexual attraction, good for you:D Doesnt mean you cant identify with the being aro and/or ace for now
It does sound like you are though.
I am 20 now and have experienced some feelings, so now i can say that i am probably demi-romantic and demisexual. Still on the spectrum;) At any rate sounds like you are aroace so far hehe
I’m also 15 and I am in the exact same boat! My mom says I’m a late bloomer but I’ve never felt any kind of attraction so I’m sooo confused! I also just feel left out because everyone else in my school seems to have their sexualities figured out. It’s frustrating to not have the same desires as most teenagers.
I'm 17 and I've never had a crush in my entire life. I still don't even understand fully what a crush even is, like I don't really understand how people just look at someone and know they like them. I used to think I was too young to have a crush when I was younger, but as I've gotten older I've realized that I just don't get crushes because I'm just not attracted to people like that.
I currently feel like i'm aromatic. I constantly flirt w/ my friends but it's never serious and I would never be in a romantic relationship w/ them. I absolutely fascinate platonic relationships and think they should be more common. I think it's unreasonable to HAVE to marry someone or find a partner that you should date, romantically. I think the last time I liked someone was 5 years ago and I always thought I liked more people, but it's never been serious. I've always forced myself to find someone to have a relationship with me, but I was never truly happy with it. I'm so glad you out this out there, I think gyou would help many people
Me over here, raised in the mormon religion, both aromantic and asexual
Long story short, you guys might've made me cry a few times due to the sheer amount of validation and comfort I'm feeling
You are absolutly valid and i hope you are doing well
I’m aroace, I experience no sexual or romantic attraction, but I do experience emotional attraction, and I’d be really happy to be with someone who makes me happy, or I’d just marry my best friend
Same. I'm a female lithromantic demi-heterosexual with a preference for best friends who give off asexual/aromantic and/or dismissive avoidant vibes. And I get strong platonic attachments to them. So I would defs marry my best friend.
Same! At first I identified as pan ( because I had the same feelings towards persons regardless of gender, which was emotional attraction I think), then ace and now I think I'm just aroace. It wasn't easy because I don't mind ''the fluff'', I'm a super cuddly person, but in a platonic way. My dream was literaly marrying my best friend since so long ago.
(sorry for my bad english)
@@siriusatlas7892 Oh, it's great to hear that from other people as well. :-) It's been a while now that I think about this topic and whether I'm aro or not... Because I do experience love, of course. I'm a cuddly person as well, and I love just beeing as close as possible to my friends. Emotionally, but I also like the physical contact. :)
I'd love to find someone who wants to spend much time with me, maybe more time than "normal" friends would do.. I also have the impression that I sometimes invest way more in my friendships than others.. but sometimes, I'm rather unsure because I fear that some of my friends I like a lot (squish!??) could think that I'm secretly in love with them...
Anyway, it feels good to read similar thoughts of other people. :)
@@sh9323 I'm glad I can share things like that and read from others too ^^
And it's interesting how we may have similarities but we all explain it differently :)
@@siriusatlas7892Almost the same with me. Idk about marrying, but I'd like to live and cuddle with my best friend
I realized when I tried dating for the first time and didn’t understand why my gf was taking the relationship so seriously
Sign you might be aro : when you and your friend start describing your ideal person and you get really into the description and make someone really amazing, you conclude by "god I would love to be their friend"
And, just in general, you just want to be friend with people. At least that's my experience as aro-ace.
The same thing happens to me, I just think that I would like to be a very close friend but nothing more, although I do not consider myself asexual because I do feel physical and sexual attraction and it doesn't bother me at all, I just don't want to be romantically involved with anyone
thats actually so true, especially when it comes to talking about celebrities you love or something I am always like yes!! they are so pretty and cool I would love to be their friend lmao. It just that platonic adoration
That " You feel as if the media or other people are making up romance" one hit so hard when I thought back about conversations I've had with hopeless romantics or those who are always in a relationship. The mere concept of hopeless romantics triggers a "this feels fake af" sort of feeling in me. This explains why XD
YES! Love is such a bizarre concept to me, it seems impossible to imagine that two people can just find each other and fall in love, like it's unreal.
I can't tell you how many times I've boasted about being a happy single and that I don't ever want to be tied down in a relationship :D
Then came the complaints and worries of friends/family and I started feeling weird...yet I had no desire to be in a romantic relationship even then.
I should've noticed the signs so much earlier, I never understood my friend who had constant trouble with her "boyfriend" or any interest in love in general (or love shows).
I even googled "opposite of asexuality" because my unaware ass never came across the term aromantic xD
Now I can comfortably say I'm Bi/Aro and I'm happy with who I am~
For me, I find romantic actions mostly adorable, but I could never participate myself
Just fun fact: not all aros are repulsed
Im aro and the only one i actually agree with is 4 lol
Basically i enjoy reading romance and the idea of it (this is called romance positive btw) but i just dont feel romantic attraction to others, never once had a romantic crush on someone, only sexual attraction. just putting it out there for people like me who for quite a while didn't think they counted as aro because the general idea is that we are meant to be repulsed by romantic relationships when just like most other sexualitys, its a spectrum. Good luck finding yourselves everyone and stay safe! :)
Jesus christ I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not aromantic but literally all what they said is exactly what I've felt my entire life 😂 guess I have to accept it
Oooo with the hand holding thing that is so me I cant hold a person's hand when its seen as romantic it even makes me physically sick but I absolutely adore holding people's fingers and hands when it's not seen as romantic like.
I can hold their hands when I'm having sex with them. I can also hold their hand in a "platonic intimacy" moment. Even with my friends I don't have sexual attraction to. But I can't do it in a romantic way. It's so freaking weird to me.
Aahh, can't wait to watch the vid 😄😄😄
same
For me, some of the biggest signs were the fact that having close friends was enough for me, and that having very good friends felt the same as my ideal romance. Also, my realization that everything that can be done with friends (including weddings that are purely out of love or any scenario from romcoms) can be done platonically.
I related to most of the video except for the “fluff” part. I used to really hate any sort of touch but after being around my friends that are really affectionate, I got used to it and it even became my love language. I don’t know if I’m aro or am just really scared of vulnerability but it was really nice hearing this from your experience. Thank you for sharing and opening up the option of being aro :)
11:31 "It's the fluffy stuff"
This totally resonates with me. I am aroace, but I experience a different emotional attraction that can lead to a close relationship. I like talking about deep personal thoughts and showing physical affection, but I don't really want "romantic gestures" or other aspects traditionally associated with romance. They just seem superficial to me. But I don't mind words like "I love you."
Very helpful, both of you! I recently confirmed I'm ace after years of suspicion and am beginning to wonder if I'm aro as well, particularly demiromantic. I'm not around people much right now and reflecting on a time when I potentially mixed up different kinds of attraction is messy, so I probably won't have an answer until I go back to school and hang out with people again. Thank you both for this awesome video!
🖤🤍💜
Thank you for this video, this really solidified in my head that I’m aromantic. Like my friend said she wasn’t happy in a relationship and I told her to dump him and she said it wasn’t that simple but to me it was.
Hey, can anyone help?
I'm trying to figure out if I'm aromantic, because I have kind of felt all the signs in the video for a while now, but I'm not 100% certain. Also, it may be something different entirely, as some ways of showing affection (like hugs) make me feel uncomfortable even if they're not romantic.
Also, great video, keep up the great work :)
Rosie Bellamy Thank you!
Hmm no one can decide that for you, but at the end of the day labels are just there to help you. If you're not sure yet that's okay, don't feel pressured to figure it out right away. Just be honest with your partners about your boundaries and it should work itself out :) also you may just not be touchy-feely in general in addition to being possibly aro. Which I find very relatable.
@@amandak.5967 I'll keep that in mind, thanks for the advice! Also, yeah, it's probably true that I'm just not touchy-feely whether I'm aro or not.
Remember that aromantic is a spectrum so if you don’t completely align with the signs you could just be on a different part of the spectrum and you’re still valid
I think the most essential thing about being aro is not experiencing romantic attraction or not experiencing it as much as other people do. Obviously aro is a very loose definition and there are many ways to be aro. I have no idea if this helps at all, but have a nice day!
One of the things I noticed after realizing i am aro is that even though i enjoy reading novels with romance in them, the ones i prefer are the ones with friendship/brother/sisterhood relations, i guess that may be because one of the most important people in my life is my sister and i was so confused that nobody seemed to feel that way in enough measure as to write it down at least like once in a while or smth
Damn this explains a lot of things, I used to thought I was just a bitter person or being heartless
BUT I'M NOT thanks so much
I think my biggest problem with finding out if I am aromantic or not is I can't tell if some of the "romantic" things I have done or said were because I truly romantically like them or because I just wanted to be wanted and desired so desperately. I know that sounds kind of manipulative but I can maybe see that now I guess...
I think I’m coming to terms with being aromantic and a lesbian. It’s helpful to have “aromantic” as a term, it helps me understand myself.
I really appreciate this video and the ace one too. I'm a 28yr old woman who has zero romantic or sexual history. A lot of it is probably from my lack of traditionally attractive features 🤷🏾♀️ but also because I've never sought out romance or sex. I've had crushes in the past that always included high levels of infatuation, but I NEVER wanted it to "go anywhere." I'm somewhere in the gray ace/gray aro areas, I think, but I'm still figuring it out. This video helps!
It is normal to be freaked out by someone telling you they love you after just a month.
Broo I fully realized I was aro like a month ago, the two relationships I've had in the past started with "I love you"s the first or second night of the relationship
from my knowledge of TV rom-coms: that's really soon
Great Vid!! While I'm perfectly happy and really into shipping fictional couples and writing romantic fanfics, I definitely have zero interest in doing that irl lmao
Also, wondering if you would make a video on your opinions about gender? Some people think gender shouldn't exist at all, some think otherwise, etc. I would like to see an enby person show their perspective on this
You can be aegoromantic tho
Me having all the signs not knowing I’m aromantic: 😅 “oh”
Yes. I just learned about Aromantacism in the past month or so, and it's such a relief! I kept waiting for the love bug to bite me, and nope. All of my relationships have also been by accident, and I'm happy on my own. I also definitely feel uncomfortable with romantic affection. And I'm feeling you SO HARD about being uncomfortable with declarations of affection. I went with the "love is a verb" approach. I didn't really have the romantic feeling. I'm not Ace, so I'd often confuse physical attraction with romantic attraction, but I've never felt the fluffy stuff. And I'll be single for years and not really care. Thanks for this video!
Haha this just made me realize even more how much I love the fluff in a relationship!! I need them hugs (loved the video btw)
I can’t wait to watch this, yay hooray!
oh my gosh, I also was raised mormon and am currently at byu (there is SO much dating/marriage pressure blegh)! I'm bi but only recently learned about the aromantic orientation and it really resonates with me. your points are all SPOT ON! thank you so much for making this video I will for sure be researching aromanticism more
Oh my gosh I'm an aro at byu right now
(yes, I did copy and paste this comment from other vids because that was the best i could do to describe what I feel, and I'm desesperate, it's pretty long so thank you sooo much if you took your time to read it)
can somebody help me, please?? cuz I like watching romantic movies and I think people falling in love its a good kind of pain lol idk but I can sympathize with that a lot, I even already talked to a boy that made me have so many butterflies but every time he would do smthg like sharing a jacket because I was cold or saying that I looked cute I just stayed there standing like a rock and i accually feel/felt very bad about it, I kinda liked him yk. The idea of romance in my head is sooo good and I've been dreaming of having the cliche romantic adolecent story kinda thing since i was little, but when the minor thing happens in real life I feel numb. I am one 100% sure I'm ace, but when it comes to romance i feel soooo lost. Also, sometimes, when i see someone that i think is pretty, i get nervous, but i cant tell why, which makes me even more confused. The idea of having someone with me for the rest of my life in that way doesnt seems to fit right either, but i'm also scared to be alone or never have the experience of living a silly lil love story lol aaarrghh, what is wrong with meeee?? if I don't like people romantically or sexuality or don't find them attractive in both ways, what am I feelinnng??
edit: omg, such a long text soorryy, thanks a lot for the people who read it
i've also been having similiar struggles, although im pansexual and ive spent most of my life idealizing romantic relationships, every time i've been in one I've felt extremely uncomfortable or stressed most of the time and end up finding an excuse to get out of it. Which leaves me confused cause I think i have crushes or feel love but reading a lot of articles about aro, I realized I also have a lot of trouble differing platonic from romantic, because I feel a similar way for my friends that I love the most as I do for my relationship. Also I realized that whenever a partner said I love you to me it made me feel really weird and whenever I returned it I felt obligated to not that I really wanted to. It made me uncomfortable to say in that way. Idk if any of this helped, I'm just as lost but it was nice to hear your story. thank you for sharing
Firstly, you can definitely like to consume romance in media’s and still be aromantic. Secondly, when you said you get nervous when you see someone pretty that sounds like aesthetic attraction. Thirdly, You can be in a relationship/ have a partner and just not do anything sexual or romantic together
And I would get really uncomfortable when someone tells me “I love you”, even in a relationship that would weird me out lol
Me, knowing damn well I'm aroace before clicking on the video, every time u say anything: *shocked pikachu face* hey! I do that!!
The “i love him, but not in love with him” is honestly one of the big things that made me realize I was a lesbian
Oh my... I am discovering aro and ace for the first time and I feel so understood! Especially when you said that you were uncomfortable with romance and him saying I love you. I struggle so much with the idea of being in a relationship and with experiencing sexual activities with somebody.... Like just now I met someone and its so intense and I feel so overwhelmed and obligated to do it. Listening and reading about being ace and aro is so eye-opening. THANK YOU for sharing 💜
I'm ace panromantic but I starting to realize that I'm aroace?? Like all the memories and struggles makes now so much sense
Oh no way, I’m ace panro as well and have identified as such for a few years now and suddenly I’m realizing a lot of things?? I only “agreed” to be in relationships when the other person showed interest because I thought that’s what I had to do I guess... and then I always felt like they liked me more than they should and when the relationships ended, I felt relieved and couldn’t understand why people were consoling me. I think I wanted to be with someone but now I think it’s not because I want a romantic partner, it’s because I didn’t want to be alone and felt obligated to want that. I recently learned about queerplatonic relationships and that seems very appealing!
I’ve thought I was ace for a while, but I didn’t look into deeply. Now I’m realizing I think I had it mixed up with aro. I realized that whenever a friend or family member would show me a romantic movie or song I would keep asking “why” questions the whole time. Now that my friends are starting relationships I feel uncomfortable around them because it feels like a prank or something. In this video when they said it feels “fake” I realized I have used that word many times when referencing romance. 🤯
Oh my god hearing you talk about the Mormon church and being brought up in it and I can relate SOOOO much to that, having gone through the same. Obviously, I'm not saying if you believe in this religion and you are perfectly fine with staying within the restraints, like I'm not saying someone shouldn't if that's what they want, but I just don't feel like throwing my life away for a religion I don't really believe in. And I just have no idea how I'm going to come out as all these things to my family when they still think I'm pansexual and don't want me to be. On the plus side, I have friends who are extremely supportive and helpful and helped me to realize "Hey I can identify this way and it isn't wrong like I'm led to believe"
Also on a side note you two are extremely wholesome
Hey! Don’t know if you’ll see this, but I feel the whole not-allowed-to-date-until-you’re-16-and-even-then-group-dates-only rule has muddied the waters in trying to determine whether or not I’m ace and/or aro because I thought I was being, “that righteous!” Idk have you felt this way?
@@evarinagarmguardian113 oh 100%.
@@yzmathehufflepuff6631 I guess I should’ve known something was off when I couldn’t really understand why it would be hard to wait. Also the fact that I kept telling my parents I wanted to date/get to know someone/be partners (w/out sex stuff obvs) for AT LEAST 2 years and even then wasn’t sure it’d be enough time lol! The whole marrying in 6 months was too much for me 😅
Great video Lynn, i enjoyed it a lot 🤗
I an relate to 4 signs... But the thing is, i've had crushes on the past so that's what makes me doubt. However, i've never had the necessity of going out with them or kissing them or stuff like that. And apparently, everyone who has romantic feelings towards someone has the "urge" of dating them or being around them all the time?(idk) At most, i thought of holding hands with my crushes or even just looking at them was enough. From all those things, could i be aromantic? I know it sounds kind of obvious, but it's just so weird to actually say I'm aro.
Any comment or help is greatly appreciated💚💜
I definitely think we should’ve said a bit more about how being aro can be a spectrum just like being ace can. There are different degrees of being Aromantic and everyone is a big different
Maybe they were sqishes, not crushes
omg as a ex mormon my self also being non-binary and ace i can confirm that it's a damn struggle growing up in that envirment, you feel like you HAVE to get married and it was something i didn't care a bout.
Hey! Don’t know if you’ll see this, but I feel the whole not-allowed-to-date-until-you’re-16-and-even-then-group-dates-only rule has muddied the waters in trying to determine whether or not I’m ace and/or aro because I thought I was being, “that righteous!” Idk have you felt this way?
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I remember I had a boyfriend and he broke up with me I felt nothing even during the relationship I felt nothing
so glad to know romantic repulsion is a legit thing. I thought I was the problem being so repulsed by it. this is really good stuff! yay learning!
I was just going to make a similar comment. I am glad I am not alone in this.
I could relate to 5 of these. Since i was a kid I've never cared about romantic relationship. While my friends are all having boyfriends I just don't feel the need to.
There's a time when a guy ask me to be his gf and I reject him because in my mind I'm thinking about "I love being single. If I accept I probably would lose my freedom as a single"
Around 1 year ago I decided to not get involved in any romantic thing anymore. I've never been in a romantic relationship but back then I still think that I eventually will get married because that's what everyone else do.
A year ago I decided that I don't want to get married ever.
And yeah, when someone is hitting on me, giving me attention etc I feel weird. I think it's cringy. Skinship makes me uncomfortable too.
Also the "that's fake but it's ok" thing. I wonder if breakup really is that heartbreaking. I don't get it why some people still obsess over their ex.
Also I heard people around me said "you just haven't find the right person" I'm like "yeah sure haha"
Idk if anyone relates to this, but I’m too afraid that someone will like me. Even the thought of someone liking me makes me stressed out for some reason. I also get stressed out thinking if any of my close friends like me, now that would be a disaster. Being an Aromantic with anxiety disorder is rlly hard I hate it here😔
Thank you for being part of getting this kind of understanding out there. If I had known what aromanticism was earlier in my life it would have done so much good.
It's really heartening seeing people examine and explain the things that our society has deemed non-normative. Younger people coming up today having these resources is important so thank you for doing the work.
I feel like I might be Ace/Aro. Though this is the first time I've thought about being Aro.
I just realized that I'm a non-binary asexual grey romantic. I'm a god
Tbh it never crossed my mind that attraction is an uncontrollable feeling untill I was 25-ish bc I never experienced it xD
Ok highkey creepy how many of Kim's experiences line up with mine. I'm aroace and active in the Mormon church so I understand the marriage pressure. Every sign you guys talked about I understood perfectly, especially the "I love you" repulsion. Funnily enough, my mom said the same thing here 11:55. Also Kim's explanation of how some aromantic people can feel repulsed by any romance-coded action is spot on. Platonic hugs and physical touch, sign me up, but the second there's a romantic connotation I'm 13 degrees of uncomfy.
I'm not sure if this is an aromantic thing but instead of like one close partner I'd much rather have a bigger circle of friends, who I could also show some physical attention with, like hugging and cuddling. I do not really want to kiss or have more intimate relationships. Mostly I'd want to just chill and spend time together, for example playing games, watching movies and just talking. I find sexual and romantic things somewhat interesting but do not really see myself participating in either.
Either aromantic people need to stop being relatable or I need to talk to my boyfriend about some things
I'm definitely not asexual or aromantic but I've only had one proper crush and it was 3 years ago. I have no idea why and it kinda scares me because I don't know how long it'll be until I have a crush again. It lowkey sucks because I really want a relationship.
As someone who's aro it kinda feels like "oh I want a relationship, it seems sweet. I'd love to love someone." While at the same time it's "but I don't need it... It seems pointless- and you have to do so many things."
It's always so complicated 😭💔
OMG I just realized why dinner date made me feel uncomfortable! I've known I was aro for a while but it's the small things you realize about yourself that help solidify it.
I was watching by curiosity, as i knew i am not aromantic, but it made me realize that i might at least be on the spectrum.
When i am involved in romantic stuff i am really uncomfortable. I do want a relationship, i became a hopeless romantic, but when i am involved it just doesnt work.
Makes me think that i am probably demi-romantic. So far i have had a romantic crush once. Thats all
this is almost exactly how i feel :0
Sounds more like lithromantic! Meaning you feel romantic feeling for someone, but once it’s real/reciprocated your feelings for said person disappears. I hope you find a label that fits you (if you still want a label 😉)
holy crap the 5th one hit me like a truck 😱
This is super helpful. I've always suspected that I'm aro but it's nice to see some of my feelings about romance validated!!
Im glad that i found your video! At first i thought that I'm asexual (but actually I don't think so) Now i understand why,, uwu!
Also, you guyss are soo cutee!!
this is literally so relatable, especially the end
this is true aro ace solidarity
You two are so adorable!
I recently worked out I was ace and now I'm suspecting I'm aro and this really hinted to it.
im sure i am an aromantic person, but sometimes I get really insecure about it so, seeing videos like this makes me feel way better with myself uwu
I’m excited for the video
Growing up I never, had a crush on a boy or girl! But I do have a, best friend I’ve known since I was five. Was love each, other so much. As a clarification we, love each other as sisters. We’ve basically grown up together!
Omg I want that too TwT
I've recently been thinking that I may or may not be aromatic, this was really helpful! Thank you!
NO ONE'S EVER TALKED ABOUT THAT LAST POINT IN ANY VIDEOS I'VE SEEN, THANK YOU SO MUCH. A major sign looking back for me was exactly what you were describing; I would feel uncomfortable when my ex told me he loved me, because I would say it back out of obligation but feel really guilty because I didn't know if I really meant it. I knew he was special to me, but I constantly worried that he loved me more than I did him.
Anyway he cheated on me because we realised I'm asexual and had different ideas about how sexual our relationship should be so lol, been happily single for several years now.
Oh wow, I hardcore relate to the "I love you" part of #5 wow. I feel immensely uncomfortable being told by people that they love me, and I feel uncomfortable telling people I love them too. Wow.
y'all are so cute and lovely! This sibling video was so fun!
Ranting a bit :,)
The thing is that I see portrayals of romanticism and relationships and I desperately want that (ig kinda like a hopeless romantic), but I never seem to have crushes on anyone, I've never fallen in love, I can't understand 'love at first sight', and The one time I did date someone, it didn't feel any different than if they were my friend (besides the subconscious obligation to spend more time with them than others). I feel like I'm grasping for something I want but can never have, and it's really frustrating, because I still can't tell if I'm on the aro spectrum or not since my experiences are so different than what I've seen and researched. sorry for the rant, I just need to clear my mind :/
I feel this 100%. I feel like that would fall more on the cupioromantic spectrum where someone does not experience romantic attraction but still desires a romantic relationship. But with me it's more like I think I want it but then I know for a fact I don't actually want it I just love the idea of it if that makes sense.
The first time I realised that I was aro was when I was asking myself question about love (why do we love ? etc). I just didn't understand love. And when I was like "but all the romantic stuff I can do all of them with my friends".
Now I don't really know where I am on the arospec, but I just label myself as such.
I spent my first 25 years telling myself that love would eventually come without really asking myself any real questions and recently a new colleague told me that he fell in love with me at first sight..
I don't really believe in love at first sight but it made me very happy to be loved and so I gave him a chance to get to know each othhers better... but 2 times 1 hour with him was enough for me to disgust myself with love .
He is a real nice guy, very romantic and protective, what any "normal" girl would probably want, but it make me realise that I had never wondered what was going on after agreeing to go out with someone, I have already found some guys "handsome" or "cute" but I never imagined myself in a relationship with them. I hate it, i really can't do romance.
I suddenly realized that when peoples say they have "butterflies in their stomachs" it's not just an urban legend but that they really feel it, i realized that peoples can seemingly really fall for peoples at first sight and that peoples can really lust on total strangers without being total creep and ... it feel awfull.
And this is why, after thinking about it again and again for some months i think i can say i am aroace and romance repulsed (not in fictions tho)
But now i am starting to wonder if most peoples aren't actually aro without knowing it (just not romance repulsed)..
My parents are not very romantic but have a good relationship, I sometimes wonder if they are not more colleagues and roommates with a sexual attraction as a bonus.. but it is pobably just me being confused. :D
tell me why every ace/aro catchphrase is “if it happens, it happens”
Amazing video. Excited for the next one!
Love the video!! I recently found out I'm aro so this is really awesome to see :D
Point #5 I kind of have the opposite thing as Kim. While they were fine with receiving flowers, I was actually adverse to it. I'm a very affectionate person, and have never had any issue with expressing my platonic love for my friends, so I never had any issue with telling my partners I loved them either. But things like getting flowers and going out to expensive restaurants just never appealed to me. It just felt like a waste of money. My ideal way to spend time with my partners was always the same as how I spend time with my friends and family. Physical stuff was always weird to me too. I wasn't that into kissing, and holding hands and cuddling was just physically uncomfortable. Not that I felt uncomfortable about the physical contact, but that my body just wanted to revert to it's more relaxed position.
You guys are soooo cool! Keep up the great work and maintaining that welcoming atmosphere 💚💜💚💜
oh my GOSH the one where you said that people seem like they are faking romance is so true for me!!! I never even realised fully how it seems made up. Just because I didn't know that feeling... when I had a boyfriend I was like, "he defiantly loves me more than I love him" and I thought he said that he loved me too much but its probably normal, I don't even tell people I love them it makes me feel weird like I'm lying to them even when I'm not.