TIPS: When Your Children Are Flying Monkeys (Parental Alienation)
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- čas přidán 12. 10. 2023
- What to do when the narcissistic parent turns your children against you?
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My first husband told (and I quote) "I'm going to use the children to hurt you.". That was in 1993. He's still at it.
There’s is nothing in my life that I’ve ever experienced worse than this or ever will I don’t have anything to compare it to 💔💔💔 but this is what I live with everyday
Me too. I know your pain 😢
I’m there right now.
😢I’m so sorry 😞
@@schindlersredemption It's gutwrenching. 5 kids... not 1 or 2, all of them. It's upsetting and I feel hollow inside. They are young adults now, however, their conditioning started as babies. They all have social, emotional problems... which I am blamed for... as much as I hurt, my children are scarred in every aspect of their personality. I don't think they will ever understand, or see clarity.
The claims are shocking - how much I did to the children- and there’s no way of the truth coming out except thru a wise judge-
Never in my worst paranoid dreams did I imagine that my husband would talk crap about me to my children. I caught him doing just that after 35 years of marriage. They had their backs to me when this happened. My adult children did not respond to his venom, but he just went on and on. I felt like he had punched me in the gut. I had no idea that he was such a nasty piece of work. What a worm. He had never said such things to me. I new he was a vile narcissist, but I had no clue that he was betraying me in that way. We are divorced 7 years now, thank God. My boys are now wise to his nastiness. Thank you for your presentations Mr. Vaknin, I have learned alot from you.
I have not seen or heard from my son in three years because of his narcissist father and grandmother. I have to close my mind off, otherwise, the pain becomes unbearable.
Gosh I’m so sorry. 😢
I empathize, my situation appears to be in the beginning stages of the same scenario as yours. Hang in there, do your best. Your child will come back to you one day, be your best self so he has a good parent to come back to.
Living in this nightmare 😢. After 40years of abuse I walked out the door. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my four adult children would turn on me like they did. The betrayal, dismissiveness, toxic abuse, denial and colluding with him to cheat me out of the settlement is still ongoing 3 yrs later. They accepted his vile behaviour, abusing my pets, destroying my property, slandering, stalking and financial control because they think they are going to inherit it all. They seriously underestimated me. I went no contact with them all to save myself. It s killing me to have no contact with my six grandchildren but thats life. I will never understand how they can support such pathological behavior. One day they will have to face the truth but I have low expectations in that regard. My heart goes out to every parent this has happened to. I feel your pain.❤❤
😢❤ Same here.. I feel you 😢❤️
💔😭😭😭
🥰💔💖
Also...19 years married, 5 children, 12 grand children. No contact...no relatives. The police came to deliver me, my narc. Ex husband had locked the doors in the house. After the police came, he locked the doors for ever. Nearly 25 years ago..
Every part of THIS explained my marriage. Manipulation of those around you to make you look crazy.
Gaslighting you with making you think you don't remember stuff because they THOUGHT OF SOMETHING at some point and never actually said it to you but will fight tooth and nail to say they did.
You're the crazy one!!
It's been 17 YEARS and he hates me more than the day he left. He went on to have a third child ANOTHER GIRL,
with a third female.
USING kids to hurt me, using courts to keep the shenanigans going....
Having me arrested for DV after years of him getting arrested and then I didn't follow thru.
The judge could SEE I was NEVER going to escape it.....
So he put the restraining order on ME which pretty much sealed the deal cuz I WOULDNT break the law as he would.
He didn't care about the paper like I do as a law abiding citizen. And he was also one of those who thought he was ABOVE the law. Walked into his neighbor's house where he lives and punched a guy in his own house 😂🤦🤷🤔 STUPID!!
He REFUSED to just sign divorce papers and I'm literally STILL married after many attempts.
I think he uses it to not have to marry his GF to be honest 😂....
I mean wouldn't you want to divorce ME, seeing we haven't spoken in years and you STILL hate me that much??
BUT it works for his situation I'm guessing so he'll use it. 🤦🤷
Narcissists USE whatever they have to get what they want and HOW they want it.
He also had anti social personality disorder with manic episodes. It was a nightmare life.
I tried to keep my kids as stable as possible a stepdaughter and the other was both of ours. It was hell on all of us but I am happy to say my kids are strong happy and successful which I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR.
I don't speak to the stepdaughter because it was to hard on her to try to have a relationship with me after all was said and done.
So I had to let her go because he had poisoned her mind to some extent I felt she NEEDED a break from HIS ABUSE.
So I stepped back.
She STILL has a great relationship with her sister so I am grateful.
These people are so difficult to live with. I now have a very quiet happy life with a guy who's as sappy as me 😂....
And I couldn't be happier.
I love this topic, as I experienced from my ex and his family of brainwashing my son; it was difficult for me to rebuild my relationship with my son
It doesn’t have to be another parent. It could be a grandparent,even a cousin. Because it happened to me! Now my older son refuses to have anything to do with me. And I’m trying to salvage what’s left with another child.
I've witnessed a child (not mine, thankfully) manipulated in such ways become a vicious flying monkey as an adult. Raised by his mother, who had been abused by his absent father, and helped by her as an adult as well, he would still badmouth her and attack other people on his father's behalf. He would at times acknowledge his father's abusiveness, but would always revert to taking his side. He would also blame his father's decisions, which had made him suffer personally, on other people.
I have been living this for 10 years. He is currently filing to court again to try and gain full custody because obviously I am the 'worst' person to ever have lived. He has spent 10 years manipulating and abusing myself and child to the point where now our child is hitting early adolescence, the alienation is coming in to full effect. When i read correspondence when coparenting, he is absolutely psychotic. Yet portrays an upstanding citizen when using a smear campaign against. Anyway, it's so textbook that it blows my mind. Every single thing you say is absolutely spot on.
Me too
This is why you have to be honest with your children about everyone. And the abuser will try and manipulate things and call it parental alienation when you tell your children the truth oe validate their experiences about the narc. Apparently telling the truth is abusive. The legal system has a very long way to go regarding understanding Narcissistic abuse and how iy affects children. It's unfortunate because the narc who never cared about the children before will file for custody just to continue to try and control the other parent
This is a very sticky situation because the likely - cluster B is telling the children that it is ALL the other person's fault. Very confusing for children..
Good strategic advice for the caring parent. Education only way to deal with this problem.
"Mum is doing so much better." "Mum misses you." "Mum Still loves you." it's so disgusting when you realise that the abuser is using the flying monkeys hope/desire for a happy family to bring you back, making a victim of both you. More so as children won't have the life experience to fully understand the situation and the abuser knows that, or worse, doesn't and it's just in their nature to exploit anyone they can.
Sam I had been waiting for your opinion around Parental Alientation, for a long time. Thank you, thank you a lot. Hello from Colombia
My ex-husband told our 9-year-old son how his new girlfriend's son (7 years)so much liked him and eagerly waited him to move in to their house. That's when I realized my ex was a child inside, too.
This is me to a T. From myself having a narcissist father and now being ignored for questioning my childhood, to myself losing my daughter to a narcissist ex husband who coerced our daughter to live with him at 11 knowing how it would kill me, but she was merely a pawn in his insane game playing and went through everything you mentioned. I was always the solid loving rock she could return to when needed and she came home to me aged 16 luckily. I am sure in the future she will be doing her own soul searching as I am too. The father wound for me is a gaping hole which I'm trying to fill to this day. We are ultimately both in the position of trying to be loved by the unloving narcissist parent.
My daughter is 10 yrs old and father is fighting for full custody and now my daughter is saying she wants to live with him too. For no valid reason. I think subconsciously, it is her only way to feel loved by him if she does what he wants, and that changes constantly too. The struggle I'm having is, having the energy to fight his litigation abuse and protect her. Its exhausting and the wedge he has driven between myself and daughter is only getting worse the older she gets.
@@schindlersredemption he made our daughter feel sorry for him so based on pity, she made her decision. His reasons were totally selfish, his solicitor advised him he could do so much better out of divorce with a child each (making a 50/50 split) but then our girls grew up separately which was selfish beyond belief. I didn't want to fight him on it, my daughter would have ended up resenting me so I had to, very unwillingly, go along with it.
It is what it is now (she's 25 now) and I am still trying to move on with choices that were made but it's been tough I won't lie. I would probably do the same again but I wished I was more aware of the amount of back stabbing and sabotaging of my relationship with my daughter that was going on. Its been hard to deal with that side of things, that she was made to turn against me. I wish you luck. Don't let the bastards get you down as my dad would say
All of this is true. And much worse. One of my boys ended his life.
My boy attempted twice because of the abuse. Took him away 2 years ago and he is so much better now. Just being out of his father’s orbit changed him for the better. It’s like he is a totally different person. It was a lot of work but with great results.
I’m so sorry you lost your boy. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you… please stay strong and protect your heart for the people who need you… I hope somehow you find some comfort through others who know what you are going through. I send love from my heart to yours. 😢
@@warriormom5843 Thank you. It’s still a challenge for my son to keep his distance because his father doesn’t respond or respect boundaries.
This is the most moving video! We love Sam’s choice to share his knowledge. All seriousness here, I thank you for the insight. I have learned to take care of myself and stop letting the abuser live through me. You are an Angel Sam and my son will definitely know your name and how you helped me/us overcome the barrage of mental pain she throws at us. You have made my relationship 100% better with my son and that’s so amazing. 😊
This is a real issue, thanks to watching your videos and reading your work, since 2013. I saw this problem occurring and could not explain it. However thanks again to finding your work I came to understand it very well. It's rampant and it's happening everywhere. I am overjoyed to hear your thoughts directly on the subject.
Been there . Got the t shirt
Thank you so much for shedding light on this.
This subject hita close to home...pun the intended @Prof.Sam Vaknin
Too soon bro
Great modelling! Thank you
This whole pattern was played out with my 3 children who, as each reached early adulthood, cut off their NPD father. However, in the last 6 years one of them has been recruited as a flying monkey. He hoovered her at a time when she was very vulnerable with mental illness. She and her husband are being used to do all the things listed here. The pain is incredible.
Thank you for this video.
Thank you so much Prof. Vaknin. God bless you more. That answers some of the most critical questions i’ve been asking myself for months. I suspected somehow that could be what is going on and what to do about it but now getting to hear it from an unbiased expert is very helpful and powerful 🙏
experiencing this now as a step parent. my husband’s daughter brings her jealous mothers venom into my home and it’s so hard to deal with and just sad to witness
Brilliant
My ex called my Mother to try to get them on his side, then tried to turn one of my best friends against me, then twisted her words in front of our children, attacked and tried to drown me only to try pressing charges against me, alienated me from my children and convinced them to hate me. I’d been abused growing up and took my ex’s side against myself most of our marriage, he’d denied proper care after one child’s first suicide attempt (instead took that child to Paris and let them go to Disney alone while he was at work) and only got him intake care years later when we had to pick that child up from a police station after running away to be with an adult that had groomed that child online. According to my ex and our children: I’m the problem. Now I’m alienated from my children. Oh and the sister in law who’s life I literally saved (tourniquet and all), an ex-nun, she’s on his side too, as it’s his family’s way of being to those not born into their mentality. I had to leave in the middle of winter, wearing only my soaking wet pajamas.
He’d never abuse his children physically, and I’m still in shock..hearing him rip me apart gleefully in front of our children, with one child joining in, truly devastated me.
He’d not be unsupportive of our children as is described in this video, but he always dominated our family and. After 20+ yrs of requesting him to go to marital therapy and him insisting I was crazy, he chose divorce over therapy literally refusing to consider that he had any role whatsoever in our marriage’s dis-integration. I wanted to save the marriage, I actually believed him when he said he cared about me.
Thank you
In my case, it wasn't just my children's other parent who turned them into flying monkeys. My mother their grandmother also turned them into flying monkeys.
❤Thank you, Sam, for putting this VERY ACCURATE and specific content. Do you offer consulting to come up with a winning strategy?❤
Hi Sam
Unrelated to the topic, just wondering though do you have any upcoming videos in the pipeline related to people with psychotic disorders living with narcissists, I know you had said you didn't currently have any content on this and my comment generated some interest
My wife and kids have completely alienated me.
Ive lost 4 daughters to this. Youngest daughter isnt even his, was past down via her sisters. The main alienator was my exs now ex wife. My daughters think theres not a bad bone in her body. They also believe every word she says about me despite the fact that in 27 years this woman has never had the guts to meet me and that a lot of her lies arent even possible. According to this woman she knows me and my life better then i know my own. In all these years i have never been allowed to communicate my truth. Orders from the stepmonster to not listen to a word i say. My oldest 3 are now all adults and their treatment of me is worse. None of my kids have woken up to the truth yet
This happening or being seen more well if it’s happed or your dealing with it x
Professor Vaknin, would you consider having a conversation with Anti-Alienation Project?
Search the channel for "alienation".
What is your opinion on Dr Craig Childress work regarding parental alienation, or as he calls it, attachment based parental aleanation?
Search the channel for "alienation".
But my step children become a new narcissist,
Eretz shel shoshanim