Abuser in Your Mind: Self-stalking (Starts
Vložit
- čas přidán 16. 10. 2020
- Download links below! Topic starts at 16:00.
Instagram post: / cgkrywcd0s7 (courtesy IG @modtogmedia)
Cue card, or prayer card, or cheat sheet, or scorecard: Keep it in your shirt pocket, or pocket in back of those tight jeans, print it out, tape it on the fridge, make copies and distribute, print on t-shirts and big mugs (unlike Minnie), on leaflets, upload to your social media, share with family, friends, and therapists.
Read the text only, no interpretations: distillation of everything we know about ...
Coping with Abuse Tips Sheet
Abuse tips samvak.tripod.com/abusetipshee...
Phases of Intimate Relationship with the Narcissist
samvak.tripod.com/chartblue.jpg
samvak.tripod.com/chartpurple.jpg
samvak.tripod.com/chartwhite.jpg
Self-stalking persecutory objects and internalized voices (introjects): misidentifying them as external, not internal and so actually psychosis and we need to reframe
The voice of absence and counterfactuals (what if)
Colludes with sadistic superego or inner critic: guilt, shame, doubt, self-loathing, self-destructiveness
Success of hoovering is in order to silence these voices
In external mortification as well
Introjection is defense mechanism against neglect, abuse, trauma, abandonment: identification, incorporation, internalization
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:
www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
I have spent every night to an average of 3am, for the last 4 years, searching for this answer. It now makes sense why I could not stop the abuse long after I have left the abuser. I was beginning to feel that maybe I should just accept that it is going to be with me for life. Like a scar. Now I know I have been trying to grasp what did not exist to begin with.
Thank you for this video. It feels good to know I can reverse this instead of continuing to abuse myself. ❤️
I've read books written by nobel prize winners (Eric Kandel, James Watson et) and one pattern I noticed with the intelligent and accomplished is that they always lavish credit upon others. I appreciate that you call people out for stealing ideas.
Fair enough. Sam Vaknin also tears apart the validity of empathy but later talks about it just as everyone else does, probably for continuity. Pretty deep perspective... I'm not qualified to philosophize on it
@@colleenc4621 Perhaps you are stuck on the empath vs empathy issue. Empaths are self professed as some super empathetic trauma victim of their super talented and exhausting empathy. It's talked about like a super power. Totally different phenomenon from empathy itself. Kind of like how narcissist and narcissistic are not the same thing, but largely differ by degree.
I was watching your videos back in my mid-thirties ( l am late forties now). Your video channel was the only channel exploring narcissism back then while now there are so many it is mind-boggling! You are the godfather of these ideas though. It is like Tesla who invented electricity for free and then Edison stole his idea and sold it to the world!
Addison = Edison
Yup wanted to add that as well, he is called Edison.
The point is, I watched hundreds of fake videos until I stumbled upon Prof. Vaknin and figured out all my cyclical relationships and went into therapy. By the way, I want you to be my favorite narcissist and hopefully the last one in my life who enlightens and leads to healing.
Thank you, you are doing an invaluable job. Many references are made to you, deep understanding still leads here
You are so right. Since my childhood till the age of eighteen, I led a very unconscious life. I had no clue who I was. I thought these introjections as mine. I badly suffered from depression, I did not identify myself with all interjections, but with the ones which were killing my self esteem and self worth. I had these negative voices of my dead narcissistic who was dead alive in my life. Then I met my teacher she influenced my life positively and spiritually. When I tried to come out to pursue a positive life with positive mindset. These voices attacked me from inside me. It was like my mind was on war against me. Things changed when I decided strongly that I won’t become these voices no matter what happens. It took me whole year to understand that these are echoes in my mind and they’re not my voices. Whenever you try to think these introjections interrupt your thinking and change your own positive thoughts into devilish thoughts. It was sheer madness at that point. Peace and patience is the key. I peacefully replaced these introjections with my own positive thoughts. I decided to do positive actions too so that my mind learns to follow my positive actions and emotions. As these introjections came, I watched pass them patiently without recognising myself with them. This fight has saved me from covert narcissist lover. I developed healthy behaviour. He ran away from me. 😁 I am 34 years old now. I have reached to the point where these interjections have reduced effectively. Meditation and mindfulness has helped me a lot while dealing with these introjections . I am grateful for all lessons I am learning from you. It’s going to be helpful in fully embracing my healthy self. I am very excited to be my healthier version. I am gaining clarity in mind deeply. Lots of love to you! You are helping me a lot. Thank you
I know a good professor when I see one. I rarely listen to anyone else now so I wouldn’t know if someone was taking your work. Please keep up the great work.
Divorcing a narcissist today. And this is by far the scariest narcissist’s abuse video I have watched thus far. And I have watched hundreds of them. Gonna take some time to get some of myself back after 18 years of his sadistic abuse and the self doubt and instability that he caused me. I know that I will never be the same. My only hope is that I can learn to manage my thoughts and actions, and remain aware of those times when I am being triggered... and perhaps learn to transmute such energy into something better... or at least find positive ways to stabilize myself when said voices creep in. 💞
I never leave comments, but this touched me unexpectedly. My heart and mind with you and I am sending you healing energy and prayer♥️ I watched my mother go through this for 22 long and painful years until she was READY to walk away. I will never ever cease to look up to her as the bravest, strongest, and most incredible woman alive. For this reason, she is my strength and the lifeline of my confidence and willpower as a woman. This is her legacy in the eyes of her child. The decision you have made will have tremendous positive effect on everything you hold dear. I have no doubt that you will follow the same path to leaving this legacy for the people who love you. You can do this, you WILL heal, and you will be and feel your freedom as soon as you grant yourself the right. Good luck♥️💪
Feel with you. It happend to me the same 😪😪😪😪 more than 20 years. Thank God that i have opened my eyes finally
The Salieri Effect! Excellent term. Thank you.
Dr. Vaknin, I am binge-watching all your videos. I’m hoping that your voice will drown out the pesky chorus of negative voices in my head (mother, father, sister, ex-husband), and that your knowledge will render their authoritative tone as laughable.
Good God. Just incredible. I had a very vivid dream that "my" ex narcissist was in a relationship with my abusive mother. I found it very disturbing. It makes sense now.
Thank you so much for your work. You are the scholar not them. I am blessed to have found you. You have helped me more than you’ll ever know. I most definitely have complicated grief and see no way to be happy again. I only work and hide at home and cry. It’s been two years now. I know that’s ridiculous and fighting to recover. Many thanks again. 🙏😊
I acknowledge that you professor Vaknin are the only one who has presented the concept of the self-stalker. I first heard it in one of your videos and it was a break through for me. A revelation!
It is regretful that they wait for your videos for their next content, with no consequence ride on your coattails, and cash in monetizing those videos. (Thanks for making these videos. One way to look at it is it needs to go through a dumber person to be dumbed down for the masses? Too bad.
I'm so grateful for the sophistication of your understanding of this process: how one's psyche is hijacked, even long after the fact. If you did not lay it out so neatly many people would not have a hope to comprehend the confusion which was created around and within them. Deep gratitude for your work & incising intelligence.)
Something that is so simple but helpful for me, is thinking "What did he provide?". Absolutely nothing. He is not at my level. This karma, my pain, to not se my own worth have learned me so much for my future dating. I am grateful.
Listening to you teach is the only thing in life that is really helping me survive this. Both my parents are Narcissistic, my father was diagnosed a few years ago. I learned to cope with them. Due to my back ground I am not surprised I accidentally ended up with a very narcissistic and at times psychopathic man. It took four years with him for my entire to disintegrate and my physical and mental health to be gone. Now I am alone with our two young children fighting depression and post traumatic stress and complex trauma and life is all but unbareable.
I can't wait for the medications and therapy and counseling and family services to start helping me feel better. It's been months and I still feel the worst I ever have in my entire life.
THANK YOU PROFESSOR!
Wow. Groundbreaking analysis that is well-articulated in the language a layman can understand.
Once 49:20 min until ending started, I just sat astonished,, it all makes so much sense to me now. I see it. Especially well done is the moment where he draws parallels between the abuse victim’s OWN mortifications that manifest from the realization that the N isn’t the person she believed him to be, and the N’s mortifications that occur when his idealized version of himself collapses.
“Get to work before the Introjects devour you”...
Bravo Vaknin!
Wow I watched this video before but watching again and really understand what you’re saying and how you are able to explain what happens is a blessing really for me I don’t talk I sound crazy or not explaining what happened and don’t want to feel like I’m defending myself I don’t really care I’m not trying to convince anyone
because no one understands it. It’s understood by people who experienced it themselves
thank you so much for making these. absolutely amazing help you are providing
Okey, I think this video got me to get moving from where I have been stuck for a long time. I am responsible for my mind. Thank you very much, professor Vaknin.
Thank you! You have helped me so much! This explanation really resonated with me, and I already feel like I will finally be able to stop cooperating with the aspects of my mind that have been waging a war against me!!!
Thank you Sam Vaknin. I was abused and stalked and your videos have helped me come to terms with what happened. I came upon your videos in my quest for answers. On the way I watched some of those self styled experts. I was quickly turned off by how pandering they were. They don’t offer solutions they dwell on woe is me and these people are evil. I know I’m not the only one who has benefited from your videos and your ideas. Thanks again.
Yes, I agree. Many of these expensive self proclaimed gurus cement those who were abused into permanent victimhood with no meaningful resolution or understanding. It becomes evident that Professor Vaknin created the language itself that everyone is using. He is also a scholar and a narcissistic and is gifted with a genius IQ. He is using these talents in concert to create a unique database of videos and literature.He also continues to constantly updates and voraciously studies. He also offers these sites for free for students and survivors. I don’t understand why anyone would disparage him. I myself am very grateful for his dedicated work.
The part where he says that the father has a major role in developing social skills in their child after age 2 is so true. That is what affected me in developing my social skills. It took a while for me to develop social skills and feel safe in the environment. My father was never very social and was a quiet and reserved person. I developed those characteristics and I wouldn't say I like it. It's been difficult to change this, I believe I am the adult child who is emulating their dead father sometimes.
I was lead to the pages of Narcissism while looking for answers to my dramatic relationship and destruction followed by repeated returns. I quickly found, by far you are the superior presenter. Who better to explain, the narcissist or the scholar? You embody both. As I am questioning my role in the relationship, looking at many youtube videos, I have found, they promote snippets of, you are the victim. Quite simplistic, clearly I would be aware of my childhood abuses, and this leaves too many questions unanswered. In fact, the more I have watched, the more I realize my own dysfunction which leads me to wonder, is normality possible, as the basis of all these interactions of both parties is, the primary abuse.
In any case, I have craved real, detailed, studied and verified hypotheses. I appreciate your articulate analysis, sometimes humorous while always informative. In fact, I have been led to regard more of your videos and subscribe. I find the issues are so complex and having never been diagnosed myself, I find myself looking and asking, where do I fit in? And knowing where I fit in the endless, lifelong question, can we ever feel like the normal we have heard throughout our life, exist?
It is clear this is your work, you are the original, the others, sitcom replicas. Thank you
I much appreciate your videos. Thanks for providing them to us with such ease and professionalism.
I was raised by a dead father, he would shame alot verbally, i never knew these voices lingered in me until they hit me at my lowest. They became very loud and I believed them. It took a narc to take me away from those voices of self hatred and shame. Bt then the narc betrayed and I had no choice but to grieve. So i wept, sat with my self intentionally, gained knowledge, felt my feelings, meditated. The voices disappeared bt took time. I had to work on my self esteem too. Now I cn hear only 2 sentences very rarely as its hidden even from me but I work on it as I understand that this is my voice and its a faulty perception based on past experience. It was coz of these 2 sentences that the narc was successful in hoovering. The love bombing was covering those 2 sentences which were hidden deeply inside me.
You read my mind. Before you said anyhting about plagiarism and offering your work for free, i was sitting here watching your video feeling slightly guilty that we are not paying for this level of tuition and knowledge that you are imparting with no charge (especially when you think of the cost of university tuition fees). I agree that regurgitating someone else's ideas and concepts is completely wrong. Some of these people may not even be aware of the etiquette in academia of always quoting and crediting the source of such ideas. Not an excuse at all though. I think there's nothing wrong at all with offering a layman's personal experience of abuse and this is very valuable - but should always credit the author of any academic ideas linking into that experience, that are not your own.
@@melt7891 i think youre right - it is just basic courtesy.
@@jlewis2813 Polite and considered response there.
Very interesting thank you. I believe my adult child is emulating their dead father. I need to detach and can’t help but feel torn as a parent is meant to love their child unconditionally.
Accepting understanding the mechanism of your own and reorganizing thus disempowering their products. Just like clearing the garage :) sounds a little bit like Hercules :) thanks!
I can personally attest to seeing this on CZcams. Often times the idea theif misunderstands Vaknin's work or didn't bother to even to keep what was stolen in its full context.
I'm reminded of Edison and Tesla, Edison stole his ideas...sorry the world is the way it is.
That happened with professionals they are idols of people like Sam Vaknin...you wouldn't copy simple people...only from talents. It's easy way to become famous for a while but name of Sam Vaknin will lighting in the future....as Tesla as well.
Thank you!
Ive noticed that as welll....
I think you're quite brilliant & enjoy your videos .
Even on a few particular channels, I became a part of that due to my sincere questioning, they gave me the boot& used my questions as fuel & content for their next videos.... Publicly denouncing me and thanking the other members, a.k.a....sewer rats for "weeding out the infiltrators"....
I'm a non un esperto, unlike you, however, this theft comes from YOUR EXPERTISE & MY pain....
I personally am thankful that he & his female counterpart channels don't include me in their "TRIBE"....🤔🙄
Because when Someone reaches out and calls a person to explain what they've said so that the other person can understand it and rather than trying to understand that person is genuinely seeking knowledge, they blast them, kick them out and use them to make $. I wouldn't want to be a part of those "EMPATHS" anyway...🙄🙄🙄🤢🤮🤣. I think what you do is amazing and I'm thankful and grateful for you....
Love your excellent work. This one in particular makes me think of a song that is very similar as well as gruesome..
"Liar" by Henry Rollins Band.
I'd recommend it.
This video was especially important to me, thank you so much.
It is despicable to copy and claim as one's own the ideas of another, and it must be very frustrating. On the other hand, it is extremely common in our society. Toyota will copy Jeep, H&M will copy Chanel, etc.
Perhaps you could mention the precise time when you publish a video, then there would be no discussion about who stole from whom...
Thank you 🙏
Dr. vaknin, Is interjection a common trait of Borderline? You mentioned DBT being a therapy for BPD. You also mentioned that many victims of narcissistic abuse may have many traits of a person with BPD. If this is true would DBT be an effective therapy to interrupt and or stop self stalking? I have found DBT to be helpful to me in terms of discerning what is true vs my thoughts that are not accurate. As always thank you so much for sharing your gift of your knowledge and expertise. It seems unreal that somehow I found your channel. Be well.
Introjection is not a pathological process and is a part of the normal development of every human being on Earth. The pathology lies in the content of the introjects. Borderlines have pathologized introjects and, yes, DBT is very helpful.
@@samvaknin Thank you Dr. Vaknin. Your work is fascinating.
Protoplasmic emanation took 🏆 !!
😂😂😂👌🏻
Amazing
Quality vs Quantity. My mom. Grandma on my dad's Japanese side immigrants to 1900 Hawaii committed suicide 3 months after his death. Agreed about the Discard.
Professor Vaknin, is there a specific therapy that would be best to use to counter these malicious interjects? Healing the superego? If you had several narcissists would they each have their own interjects you would need to counter?
I’m aware of this but in my case they are on the phone texting or leaving vile voice mail ..now blocks on devices as I dismantle the framework they have installed in my noggin ..
אין עליך יא גאון אחד. זנחתי הכל רק להאזין לך ולהשכיל. יש לך ידע יקר מפז שיקפצו הגנבים והמלעיזים .
Can targets of stalking develop a chemical dependency, similar to codependency, on the cycle of adrenaline/fear created by a paranoid or narcissistic stalker as a means of survival? I.e. instead of altogether detaching, choosing anxiety of the anticipation of an attack based on learned cycle of abuse (like that of an addict) over being blindsided.
It stands to reason, but there are no studies one way or the other.
Dr. Could you please talk about the "planning the escape" scenario?
Mainly because one can escape from countless normal situations, but this is different.
And it's certainly challenging. One needs to stop self-stalk, as you said...
Would you please expand these expositions and speak about self-boycott? I've found remarkable videos, but still astonishes me how one can be his/her own worst enemy. (as you know it's natural to tell the abuser what one's going to do)
In other words, advice and psychological tips regarding how can a victim use mental defense tactics, to escape without being noticed? (because of the changes in the behavior and even corporal language). Thanks!
If you found some remarkable videos, I see no need to waste my time.
@@samvaknin @Sam Vaknin I was saying just the opposite, that I've found remarkable videos in your channel, and I want to hear your POV and to expand on topics that might be not touched yet, or maybe science has some new theories that you'd like to comment on. Or maybe it's on a video that I haven't watched yet... I was saying to you that maybe you'd want to explore the territory even further.
I've watched hours and found remarkable information and opinions. So I'd like more on this related topic.
If it was confusing my wording the idea was just that, to avoid wasting your time, since you may have already made a video about it, or maybe you want to do a new one.
That is the intention. I hope this clarifies everything. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and concepts.
Got it. Yes, your wording was confusing. Thank you for sharing your idea for a topic.
A few months after my divorce I started actually hearing his voice but coming outside of my head. I am aware that this is psychotic and was put on meds which only helped me not to have to listen to it 24/7 but I still hear it. He just comments on whatever I am doing and thinking and I the beginning talked about our past but he uses things like intermittent reinforcement, circular arguments, word salad, triangulation even more so than my real ex actually did. Is it possible that I am hearing the introject in this way or is this something else? I never had psychotic episodes prior to this, it’s been going on for 2 years now but I just live with it.
It is psychotic disorder and like every psychosis, it involves an internal object - in this case his introject.
I am so sorry, professor, that people have been stealing your content without asking or at very least "as Vaknin says..."
Rude. And exceedingly tacky.
It was Sartre who said that thing about hell being other people... But I guess he knows that...
True: in his play No Exit. But, here’s an intellectual challenge for you: try to find why I referred to Eugene O’Neill (hint: remember that the vid started with a rant about plagiarism, truth - and hell).
@@samvaknin Who was Georges Lewys?: "To hell with the truth." I think you call it "idearism". By the way, can I quote that some day? Eugene O'Neill was indeed notorious when it came to imitation, (faithful) adaptation and copying concepts. For example, he "stole" techniques of realism from talented and creative playwrights like Chekhov, Strindberg and Ibsen. Later he received the Nobel Prize in Literature. Everything is allowed in love and war and art and on CZcams. It won't be easy to change that. "One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
This is excactly what i was struggling with. My narcicistic dead mother. Menopause made it stronger. Its feels like a loop, you cant get rid of the voices because of the guilt they are telling you.
Its exhausting.
My cure? Singing. Singing makes the voices go away.
Question. I look like my mother, so when i look in the mirror i see her face.
Which ofcourse i dont like...
What do you think about that?
Singing and playing ukulele helps me. Music is its own medicine ❤️🩹
So if one is being kept from being in therapy what can they do to soothe this until they can get there? Asking for myself
Seek social support online and remain in close touch with friends and family.
It is only in English some stats , in other languages stolen too :)
Horrible those who steal your ideas & claim it's their own. Shame on them.
Karma will get them!
We should ban their sites & unfollow them!!!
does any one have the links to down load the blue and purple help tips for trauma
There´s always been and always will be thieves. In these you tube videos they just want to make money, do not know enough of the subject and go through a few you tube videos and make their own video. Copy information from other videos. It is more like stupidity and ignorance.
Hey prof Sam! What about being raised with three people? And all are female figures, no biological mother
Like a drug addiction the only way forward is cold turkey. Give the brain the time it needs to reset.
Question: Dr.Is it a good idea in XXI century to use therapeuthic hypnosis to affect or change the superego that is affected by an abuser?
Hypnosis has no long-term therapeutic effects.
@@samvaknin What type of therapy helps then, DBT and anything else?
What do you know about people like Ruth Finley? People who claim to disassociate to the point that they don't realize they are sending themselves threats?
Can you design a chart for the shared fantasy inside a psychopathic neighbor? My neighbor has been systematically destroying my property since the day I moved in. I just replaced the electrical wires to the main power and it had been stripped down melting, sparking, and running hot. Fortunately for me the neighbor attempted aiming motion laser projectors at my home, cameras, highway, and airspace (we live a mile from the regional airport). I am an honorable USAF officer with expertise as the Laser Safety Officer. My security cameras recorded this psychopath's collapse with the arrival of the State Highway Patrol. It is helpful to rise outside of the shared fantasy and introject location to awaken the psychopath to his criminal behavior. However, he simply comes up with an alibi and does something more criminal to try to get me to call the police to place himself in the position of control. My house has gone back on the market after only living here one year. In that year I had a four-thousand-dollar WIFI security system that got jammed. I had to spend another six thousand on a hard-wired NVR CCTV system. The utilities were all sabotaged before I got the cameras. This person even infested my house and car with mice. It will never end. Turns out the property and person across the street are a County Correctional Vocational Rehabilitation Program for mental criminal offenders incompetent for trial. The occupation began in 2016 with the harassment of previous owner of my home. I have come to the realization that he has been given the green light from the county and his handlers to do whatever it takes to obtain my property by my foreclosure. The county program wants to pick the property up at auction. I am interested in sharing security footage with you Sam. This video is the day after he was briefed of this new FAA investigation into laser incident. He stalks me down to his mailbox when I pull in my driveway. It is apparent he is enraged. He just walks around in circles. He changes direction five or six times and ends up stalking himself in a circle. No kidding. I appreciate your videos. I have been binge watching them. I am in therapy. I am already in a Gulf War psychosis with a 100% veterans administration compensation. I am speaking with my attorney about walking away from the mortgage. I am a first time homeowner looking forward to renting.
Only narcissists have a shared fantasy.
Will continue researching for non-intimate partner content. Thank you for a reply@@samvaknin
Can introjection happen at a young age
Yes. it starts at age 6 months.
Topic starts at 16:00 ...!!!