You crack me up. Whenever I miss my narc, or get drained from the horrifying abuse I went through, I come to your videos to get my own supply. You see I’ve replaced him with you as my authentic narcissist 😂😂😂 It helps me. So what
And love is not a victory march, It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah And I quote from Brene Brown; Another wonderful author and academic whose work I wholeheartedly recommend; Love is a powerful form of vulnerability and if you replace the word love with vulnerability in that line, it’s just as true. Vulnerability is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah. When we’re brave with our hearts - when we have the courage to love and hope, to try, fail, and try again - the result of our daring isn’t a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of liberation mixed with a little battle fatigue. If you’re out there being brave with your heart, your words, your beliefs, your art, or any messy part of you - I say, “Hallelujah!
Best video I’ve seen for a while. Thank you Sam. My relationship is the opposite.. many years of naive and maybe blinkered trust. Now I see the truth. I’ve gone from believing everything to trusting nothing. Learning about narcissism 18 months ago has made a big difference and I’ve woken up to reality and also the part I played in it.
Literally the only one whose videos I watch for education that has substance behind them!!! Finally someone who is real, backs up statements with evidence and does not sugar coat things. Sam's videos have made made me see that i saw the red flags and that i felt something wasn't sitting right in my gut, but I chose to ignore them because of how he made me feel; the love-bombing etc. I chose to stay in hopes it would get better after the devaluing started. Please keep your videos coming hard and fast, they are truly helping my understanding on the subjects you educate with and its helping my cognitive dissonance.
Was going to make an appointment with a 'friendship coach' this week, Sam covers the trust issue with the intellectual clarity that actually helps recovery make sense. Saving me a lot of money again!
@@pirindolo5160 Well, I did go to therapy and I was able to improve on some issues: my boundaries, my co-dependence and other aspects of myself. For instance: nobody has made a fool out of me in the past 12 years. Nobody steps my boundaries and I'm the queen of cutting people off and never allowing them in again. All it takes is one mistake and I'm done with you. Those are the positive side effects of surviving a narcissist. But trust is not something I was able to improve on, not yet.
@@Beauty_bydeborah well, i also went to therapy... but to try to fix ...me! during the relationship!. Once over... did not go again. Specially, after all the info i found here. Could not imagine these people existed.I know now a lot on the complex subject of narcs... but i feel there is something broken in my trust zone. This was not broken before this person crossed my life. Less naive now, i guess. Also checking on my codependency... but that is still blurry for me. I guess im still digging deep, searchig for inner peace.. This experience though, has shaken all relations in my life. Starting with my mother. Probably my #1 narc. Did you find peace? Inner...
@@Feber2001 Well, I guess but I dont give a fuck. If I never do anyone wrong, then why do they feel like they can do me wrong? I have strong boundaries, as a result of being played. Life is tough on its own. No one can play me anymore. It feels peaceful being like that. I dont have any drama in my life. I dont believe in second chances and honestly regretted every second, third and other chances I've given people. I dont believe people change. They are who they are. I'd rather walk away than wait for a miracle.
Aloha🌺 I am so sorry for the pain you have been put through. The concept of narcissism is new to me intellectually, yet apparently something which has surrounded me most of my life, first with my dad and now with a man I left years ago who continues his vindictive rage. My father and this man have little in common, personality, career, upbringing, but through the lens of narcissism the similarities are striking. I cannot emphasize enough the power of self knowledge down to the smallest detail and the ability to trust and to choose and maintain a healthy relationship. Before this man, I was married to a man who was my best friend. He left me beautiful memories that carry me through darker moments. He died of cancer, but I so appreciate the time we shared. Trust is something that can only be learned by using it and being at least a bit vulnerable. There are 'mistakes' I would never recommend anyone overlook, like lying. There are honest mistakes, as well. I would also reflect deeply on what you are attracted to and why. I love intelligence, yet value character much higher, now. Keep your standards high and always pay attention, try taking things slow and open a little along the way. Real love is worth the struggle, so are you.
Yes. I hear the teachers telling the kids at schools here, that they are "learning to be experts" while allowing them to copy and paste passages from Wikipedia into their "Inquiry" assignments or "passion projects". Inquiry is the new buzz word for research these days, imported to NZ education system from the US. You are howled down if you question why such lingo is used instead of a word like research. Research is deemed too traumatic for kids, so "Inquiry" is the replacement word. The lingo I hear throughout the education system is like the new religion. Everyone is focusing on themselves, talking about empathy like it's the latest iPhone, doing the 5 stages of grief in the proper order (if stage 3 was overlooked, go back and do it again), empowering themselves, breathing deeply with their eyes closed, being mindful, going on deep special journeys ad nauseum, believing in themselves, getting high on plant-based diets, managing themselves, being alone because they're told they should be otherwise they're deficient... etc etc. and "feeling proud of myself" all the time for really weird-shit reasons.... and homelessness is all in the mind; just do meditation and it's gonna be OK! If anyone dares to say anything in our system might be the biggest load of BS since the black stump, "they are so negative", " far too judgemental" and "not fit for the profession" bla bla bla... Political Correctness and digital learning systems are pervading schools in general like something out of 1984. It's as if some global power is instigating that dystopia to see what will happen. Society starts to feel more like a sort of psuedo honesty, masked with a sickly pink and blue, cupcake icing over ludicrous lies and double standards . Freedom of speech isn't really allowed no matter how much everyone screams about entitlement to freedom of speech. It's only free for those who agree with a global bandwagon of political correctness. We have just sentenced for life, Brenton Tarrant for his psychopathic shoot-up last year in Christchurch. The guy's history was disturbing in that he was bullied at school as a kid. Nobody did anything about it. His dad died and that affected him. It would be interesting to see your comments about this.
Thank You Sam I really apreciate this content...I have nievely trusted hoping to be loved...but these guidelines are very helpful as i can see the benefit of trusting in some regard not another...it allows for an acceptance of the imperfections of human nature, and as I see it averts the necessity to catastophise the failure of others as unforgivable. Inteligence is needed in deciding whome to trust about what, and it allows me to choose to love again instead of isolating from fear of being let down again..this was very timely content for me.😃
Why, oh why did I not have teachers like you, prof. Vaknin. Ones who encourage critical thinking and research. Without causing their audience to fall asleep (I love your humor) 😏 By now, I have pages of references to look up, my curiosity is constantly tickled. God knows when I will arrive at the end of my list since with every video the list gets longer. One at the time, I suppose. At least, I will die less stupid, I hope 😜 Thank you for making me challenge my own beliefs and ask myself where these beliefs come from… and not feel weird about it! My teachers hated my constant “WHY” 😂
Excellent excellent video. Thank you very much. I love the part about spending time with those that truly love you. That is very special the very ending thank you very much
I agree, we need to trust still. Otherwise we are hanging onto past experiences of betrayal. Then we live vicariously through them. And don't experience true love, companionship and ease with life.
Very, very powerful and poignant conclusion. Thank you for your wise and very helpful words. This Stirred up a lot of thoughts and feelings in me that I had unconsciously already started working on. Much respect to you.
Your comment that a narcissist can not agree to abide by a contract reminds me of my NARC mother! We were arguing about a difference of opinions! I asked, "Can we compromise?" She pounded her fist on the table and screamed "No! Then no one is the winner!!" From that day forward I knew that something was wrong with her reasoning! I wasn't aware of Narcissists and that they always had to win. She felt that we were at war! I thought we were just having a simple conversation! I didn't know what the heck happened. Thanks for your explanation!!
48 laws of power def turn you into that. I should have known when I saw in her small library of books that one of the books was that and the other was art of seduction. It should have woken me up to her. Live and learn
6:57 Would this be the Dunning-Kruger effect? "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates "The more you know, the more you know you don't know." - Aristotle
My apologies Professor. Here's the link for anyone else who would also like to learn more about this particular cognitive bias: Narcissist's Grandiosity as Cognitive Bias (Dunning-Kruger Effect) - Sam Vaknin czcams.com/video/fcWXLbOXcPQ/video.html
Sorry for spamming, but I am happy about you bringing up the "you don't know what you don't know" thing... I keep telling people for more than 20 years now and had to face that at my jobs in the last years in the USA, that "if you have no idea about something existing, you Can't ask questions about it, especially educated questions." Corporate America loves to say "Well, you didn't ask...." ..."Go ahead and ask me an educated question about quantum mechanics." I want to answer, because not even being any type of expert, I know that I definitely looked into it more than my ex-employers... If I had no idea about the ways that were available to them to manipulate the "game" to take advantage of myself and my subordinates, I couldn't ask them how to deliver the results better and to their preferred standards.... 🙄🤷
I also think you are amazing. All you are saying I have experienced with someone. I can point at a certain time and occasion where everything you say about narcissism is true. I also played a part in it and I do accuse the man I loved. You are helping me to accept reality. Never mind what others are saying, really humanity is dead.
One of the best videos in the Chanel at least that’s my opinion, very practical and well explained simply amazing I wish just by hearing it once I could become smarter when it comes to trust I have always been innocent and naive not savvy or slick sadly that has cost me my peace for several years have had the worst experiences, but before I lost any hope I found this video 😊
Sam how do you ascertain whether you are picking negative vibes or noticing red flags or whether you're just projecting your unacknowledged issues on the other person and devaluing him? In other words are you with someone with narcissist traits or are you the one with them or both?
Hi Sam. Thank you for all the videos you've been putting out recently. I would also like to say thank you for mentioning Karen Horney in a previous video. I am about to finish her book "Neurosis and Inner Growth," and I must say it's fantastic; she clearly possessed a deep understanding of mental pathology. If you don't mind, I have a few questions about this work that I would like to ask you. Horney's book is solely concerned with what she calls Neurosis, but the characteristics she attributes to this disorder strike me as being identical to those described in Narcissists (self-hatred, creation of a false self, loss of authentic feelings etc.) Do you consider the disorder she describes to be distinct from Narcissism as you see it? If so, what is the difference between a Narcissist and a Neurotic? Additionally, throughout the book Horney describes treating patients with "analysis." Is this sort of treatment different from psychotherapy which is common today? Thanks again.
What do you do when the majority of family members are narcissists, your significant other O realize is a narcissist and recognize survival traits in myself? Run away? I really don’t know where to start or do.
Sending you infinite love Professor Vaknim and wife because your are so courageous when exposing truths. The knowledge you share in your videos has helped me in my professionnal and personnal life. 🙏 Thank you 🙏 Wishing you the best for your family and self for the future.
To be alert and vigilante and trust, but with eyes open. I liked that!! It is very positive advise. Thank you Sam. I listen to you often and I learned so much about psychopatic mind and how you described how they look at people, take screenshots etc. One thing came on my mind. In one video you said you will explain why is it that covert narcissists tend to be attracted to prostitutes...why is that?
@whole spirit any type even if it's same sex? Suspect this guy I know (Covert) is Downlow. He denies it but certain sex actions points in the opposite direction.
@@wildhorses6817 Perhaps the reason is they can rest assured the prostitutes will not delve deeply into their split personalities, being superficially content with interacting with the false self?
On the idea of trusting some person 100% I have cultivated a belief of if you know somebody intimately enough. You can predict their actions in any given circumstance, fully trusting the fact they will be who they are. If you are confident that you understand this person, then you know what you can trust them to do (or not to do).
Yes I believe people lie more than they say they do. if people lie whenever someone asks them how they're doing ;It's because they don't want to face the person with the truth ,then they would have to say, I don't want to talk about it ,to tell the truth. People can't handle the truth. In this regard I guess I can't tell the truth.
How can I trust when I realised to have a pattern..all my life I feel in love with narcisists havin beeing raised by both parents narcisists I am a magnet for them.
Haven't finished the video yet, but yet another comment - min 35 mark about the mere extended/persistent presence creating trust. This technic is used on domesticating animals.
Sam I appriciate you and the time you invest to help those of us that have been victimized by a narcissist and or psychopath. Unfortunately most who visit you Utube sites do so after the fact. I believe knowledge is the best defense against this abuse and I am frusttrusted that new nothing about this until now at age 59. Is there anyone approaching schools at the state or national level to recommend that this be apart of high school curriculum? It could and should be apart of health class curriculum. Just wondering what your thoughts are.
psychotherapy as well as most things psychology benefitted greatly off of the input from patients as well as their relatives. apart from that i agree that the internet creates a lot of false experts and opinions. nonetheless authorities are people as well and i have been told to check check check everything
My dear Sam I admire you so you can't do any wrong or mistake in my mind. Lol. So true text book styles, you do not have the word PROFESSOR in front your name cause you brought it off google through your smart phone! 😊
Sorry if I ask something that you've answered somewhere before, haven't found it yet. I was wondering what happens to the narcissist in relation to oxytocin when he's having sexual intercourse? And what is the effect of THC/cannabis if a narcissist uses it especially to enhance the experience of "lovemaking" or as you mention in other videos masturbating with an insignificant other?
@@samvaknin Hmm, too bad... Because I also had a question about it in relation to intuition after watching the other video. I think my intuition saved me from not marrying a narcissist (by not wrecking the marriage I was still in: had already mentioned divorce). However, I think my intuition failed in stopping me from falling in love: somehow I feel that a narcissist can perhaps change his body language with help of using drugs - in such low quantities that he wouldn't seem stoned - when meeting someone to appear as if he is a "normal" person, so that on short term, one would fall for the avances of a narcissist and then will be trapped for a longer period in a relationship as you start loving the person, unfortunately:( anyway, there are no studies about drugs use and narcissistic behaviour so that's just a hypothesis... So, do you think it could be that in a narcissist the release of oxytocin due to an orgasm goes together with release of cortisol for instance? As a narcissist actually is afraid of letting someone too close? And that maybe nullifies the effect of oxytocin in narcissists? Also just hypothesizing... Thanks for answering though... I'm in a healing process, most difficult part for me is that he had such good acting skills, that I still sometimes think, he might've loved me... But then I think of how he replaced me within a few weeks by someone new, got married and told me your pain, I can't do anything about it (anymore)... Had it been someone who loved, he would've been sad and taken time to grieve... That's what keeps me strong. And your video's :) thanks again!
Hello Sam - I struggle a bit with the pronunciation of Erscheinung and... ??? what are you saying exactly.... (Anschauung...?) Know Kant from his name and some texts I read at school at the time. Do not know everything ...., well. Anyhow: I am german and would like to follow your video correctly. I love your explanations and follow you since a while. "Schönen Abend aus Deutschland und vielen Dank für die tollen und sehr informativen Videos...." - oh mei, Sam, my student friend is unfortunately a covert narc.... so sad. Hoped all the time, that maybe I misunderstood his "off" behavior for "normal" struggling in live like everyone does, but unfortunately: no... he is one of this species (covert Narc) .... So sad. I liked him very much....to let him go as a person I know since 28 years (from afar) is so difficult and sad, very sad. Best regards from France... There I live since 19 years.
@@user-dm2wz6np3v the growing number of temporary short term relationships (multiple relationships in many cases) and the prioritization of career over family amongst women. at least in my country Saudi Arabia. the way I see it.
It would be really wonderful if you could give us a glimpse into your knowledge of finance and economics as well, it would really benefit novices like me.
Lady Gaga lives for the applause and we live to correct Mr. Vaknin. Just kidding and being the "class clown", obviously. Curious at this point though, what does the kid with social interaction troubles manifest? Is this the external mortification or anxiety about the predicted abandonment?
I find that People that criticize, specially when the Material presented is irrelevant to the criticism, as total idiots, and no doubt in my mind that the Topic you Are discussing as a Proffesor, is describing them as individuals, and they can't accept their own reality!
I cringed when you said a German felt the need to correct a Jew and pull them up on their behavior. Utterly embarrassing. Germans! Sit down- we haven’t forgotten , never will. Hush your mouths.
You crack me up. Whenever I miss my narc, or get drained from the horrifying abuse I went through, I come to your videos to get my own supply. You see I’ve replaced him with you as my authentic narcissist 😂😂😂
It helps me. So what
Haha i do the same but is ok! To understand every detail is so important to heal
I do too!! 😂
"Love without trust is dependancy masquerading as love..."
Amen!!
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
And I quote from Brene Brown;
Another wonderful author and academic whose work I wholeheartedly recommend;
Love is a powerful form of vulnerability and if you replace the word love with vulnerability in that line, it’s just as true.
Vulnerability is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.
When we’re brave with our hearts - when we have the courage to love and hope, to try, fail, and try again - the result of our daring isn’t a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of liberation mixed with a little battle fatigue.
If you’re out there being brave with your heart, your words, your beliefs, your art, or any messy part of you - I say, “Hallelujah!
Best video I’ve seen for a while. Thank you Sam. My relationship is the opposite.. many years of naive and maybe blinkered trust. Now I see the truth. I’ve gone from believing everything to trusting nothing. Learning about narcissism 18 months ago has made a big difference and I’ve woken up to reality and also the part I played in it.
This video is one of the best I have seen on CZcams. Highly recommend it.
Literally the only one whose videos I watch for education that has substance behind them!!! Finally someone who is real, backs up statements with evidence and does not sugar coat things. Sam's videos have made made me see that i saw the red flags and that i felt something wasn't sitting right in my gut, but I chose to ignore them because of how he made me feel; the love-bombing etc. I chose to stay in hopes it would get better after the devaluing started. Please keep your videos coming hard and fast, they are truly helping my understanding on the subjects you educate with and its helping my cognitive dissonance.
Was going to make an appointment with a 'friendship coach' this week, Sam covers the trust issue with the intellectual clarity that actually helps recovery make sense. Saving me a lot of money again!
Yes! Me too!
The most people I meet were not trustworthy.
This is right on time. It's been 12 years since the narc and I broke up and I'm still not able to trust anybody I meet.
Amazing. In my case is not 12 yrs or anything close... but I'm guessing/feel it will not be short...
@@pirindolo5160 Well, I did go to therapy and I was able to improve on some issues: my boundaries, my co-dependence and other aspects of myself. For instance: nobody has made a fool out of me in the past 12 years. Nobody steps my boundaries and I'm the queen of cutting people off and never allowing them in again. All it takes is one mistake and I'm done with you. Those are the positive side effects of surviving a narcissist. But trust is not something I was able to improve on, not yet.
@@Beauty_bydeborah well, i also went to therapy... but to try to fix ...me! during the relationship!. Once over... did not go again. Specially, after all the info i found here. Could not imagine these people existed.I know now a lot on the complex subject of narcs... but i feel there is something broken in my trust zone. This was not broken before this person crossed my life. Less naive now, i guess. Also checking on my codependency... but that is still blurry for me. I guess im still digging deep, searchig for inner peace.. This experience though, has shaken all relations in my life. Starting with my mother. Probably my #1 narc.
Did you find peace? Inner...
@@Feber2001 Well, I guess but I dont give a fuck. If I never do anyone wrong, then why do they feel like they can do me wrong? I have strong boundaries, as a result of being played. Life is tough on its own. No one can play me anymore. It feels peaceful being like that. I dont have any drama in my life. I dont believe in second chances and honestly regretted every second, third and other chances I've given people. I dont believe people change. They are who they are. I'd rather walk away than wait for a miracle.
Aloha🌺 I am so sorry for the pain you have been put through. The concept of narcissism is new to me intellectually, yet apparently something which has surrounded me most of my life, first with my dad and now with a man I left years ago who continues his vindictive rage.
My father and this man have little in common, personality, career, upbringing, but through the lens of narcissism the similarities are striking. I cannot emphasize enough the power of self knowledge down to the smallest detail and the ability to trust and to choose and maintain a healthy relationship.
Before this man, I was married to a man who was my best friend. He left me beautiful memories that carry me through darker moments. He died of cancer, but I so appreciate the time we shared.
Trust is something that can only be learned by using it and being at least a bit vulnerable. There are 'mistakes' I would never recommend anyone overlook, like lying. There are honest mistakes, as well. I would also reflect deeply on what you are attracted to and why. I love intelligence, yet value character much higher, now. Keep your standards high and always pay attention, try taking things slow and open a little along the way. Real love is worth the struggle, so are you.
Yes. I hear the teachers telling the kids at schools here, that they are "learning to be experts" while allowing them to copy and paste passages from Wikipedia into their "Inquiry" assignments or "passion projects". Inquiry is the new buzz word for research these days, imported to NZ education system from the US. You are howled down if you question why such lingo is used instead of a word like research. Research is deemed too traumatic for kids, so "Inquiry" is the replacement word. The lingo I hear throughout the education system is like the new religion. Everyone is focusing on themselves, talking about empathy like it's the latest iPhone, doing the 5 stages of grief in the proper order (if stage 3 was overlooked, go back and do it again), empowering themselves, breathing deeply with their eyes closed, being mindful, going on deep special journeys ad nauseum, believing in themselves, getting high on plant-based diets, managing themselves, being alone because they're told they should be otherwise they're deficient... etc etc. and "feeling proud of myself" all the time for really weird-shit reasons.... and homelessness is all in the mind; just do meditation and it's gonna be OK!
If anyone dares to say anything in our system might be the biggest load of BS since the black stump, "they are so negative", " far too judgemental" and "not fit for the profession" bla bla bla...
Political Correctness and digital learning systems are pervading schools in general like something out of 1984. It's as if some global power is instigating that dystopia to see what will happen. Society starts to feel more like a sort of psuedo honesty, masked with a sickly pink and blue, cupcake icing over ludicrous lies and double standards . Freedom of speech isn't really allowed no matter how much everyone screams about entitlement to freedom of speech. It's only free for those who agree with a global bandwagon of political correctness.
We have just sentenced for life, Brenton Tarrant for his psychopathic shoot-up last year in Christchurch. The guy's history was disturbing in that he was bullied at school as a kid. Nobody did anything about it. His dad died and that affected him. It would be interesting to see your comments about this.
New Scientist cover story July 2016: parents and teachers need to teach children to be much more narcissistic. I swear!
@@samvaknin Oh Lord.. and they must be empathetic narcs then!
Thank You Sam I really apreciate this content...I have nievely trusted hoping to be loved...but these guidelines are very helpful as i can see the benefit of trusting in some regard not another...it allows for an acceptance of the imperfections of human nature, and as I see it averts the necessity to catastophise the failure of others as unforgivable. Inteligence is needed in deciding whome to trust about what, and it allows me to choose to love again instead of isolating from fear of being let down again..this was very timely content for me.😃
Why, oh why did I not have teachers like you, prof. Vaknin. Ones who encourage critical thinking and research. Without causing their audience to fall asleep (I love your humor) 😏 By now, I have pages of references to look up, my curiosity is constantly tickled. God knows when I will arrive at the end of my list since with every video the list gets longer. One at the time, I suppose.
At least, I will die less stupid, I hope 😜 Thank you for making me challenge my own beliefs and ask myself where these beliefs come from… and not feel weird about it! My teachers hated my constant “WHY” 😂
Ahh the twin flames. Demented codependency is my favorite kind of romance😊
I am offended, I do not lie 90% of a time,...I am sure I am at 100% capacity!
Excellent excellent video. Thank you very much. I love the part about spending time with those that truly love you. That is very special the very ending thank you very much
enough is enough
I will only transactional trust, any red flags, see ya, life's too short, thank you for the content 🙏
I agree, we need to trust still. Otherwise we are hanging onto past experiences of betrayal. Then we live vicariously through them. And don't experience true love, companionship and ease with life.
Just Thank you. from my heart. This has helped me.
Very, very powerful and poignant conclusion. Thank you for your wise and very helpful words. This Stirred up a lot of thoughts and feelings in me that I had unconsciously already started working on. Much respect to you.
Your comment that a narcissist can not agree to abide by a contract reminds me of my NARC mother! We were arguing about a difference of opinions! I asked, "Can we compromise?" She pounded her fist on the table and screamed "No! Then no one is the winner!!" From that day forward I knew that something was wrong with her reasoning! I wasn't aware of Narcissists and that they always had to win. She felt that we were at war! I thought we were just having a simple conversation! I didn't know what the heck happened. Thanks for your explanation!!
I liked this thought . Very helpful to me . Trust is important to give those who earned it.
48 laws of power def turn you into that. I should have known when I saw in her small library of books that one of the books was that and the other was art of seduction. It should have woken me up to her. Live and learn
6:57 Would this be the Dunning-Kruger effect?
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates
"The more you know, the more you know you don't know." - Aristotle
Do your homework and search my channel so as not to waste my time.
My apologies Professor.
Here's the link for anyone else who would also like to learn more about this particular cognitive bias:
Narcissist's Grandiosity as Cognitive Bias (Dunning-Kruger Effect)
- Sam Vaknin
czcams.com/video/fcWXLbOXcPQ/video.html
Thank you for posting the link.
Sorry for spamming, but I am happy about you bringing up the "you don't know what you don't know" thing... I keep telling people for more than 20 years now and had to face that at my jobs in the last years in the USA, that "if you have no idea about something existing, you Can't ask questions about it, especially educated questions." Corporate America loves to say "Well, you didn't ask...." ..."Go ahead and ask me an educated question about quantum mechanics." I want to answer, because not even being any type of expert, I know that I definitely looked into it more than my ex-employers... If I had no idea about the ways that were available to them to manipulate the "game" to take advantage of myself and my subordinates, I couldn't ask them how to deliver the results better and to their preferred standards.... 🙄🤷
Excellent
I also think you are amazing. All you are saying I have experienced with someone. I can point at a certain time and occasion where everything you say about narcissism is true. I also played a part in it and I do accuse the man I loved. You are helping me to accept reality. Never mind what others are saying, really humanity is dead.
You are a true devine soul ❤️❤️
Oxytocin is also the harmone that makes the cervix contract during labor. When labor is induced you are given an oxytocin drip..amazing!!
One of the best videos in the Chanel at least that’s my opinion, very practical and well explained simply amazing I wish just by hearing it once I could become smarter when it comes to trust I have always been innocent and naive not savvy or slick sadly that has cost me my peace for several years have had the worst experiences, but before I lost any hope I found this video 😊
...'if you want to find corruption', just 'follow the money'
Sam how do you ascertain whether you are picking negative vibes or noticing red flags or whether you're just projecting your unacknowledged issues on the other person and devaluing him? In other words are you with someone with narcissist traits or are you the one with them or both?
It should make no difference. It feels wrong - it is wrong (for you).
Hi Sam. Thank you for all the videos you've been putting out recently. I would also like to say thank you for mentioning Karen Horney in a previous video. I am about to finish her book "Neurosis and Inner Growth," and I must say it's fantastic; she clearly possessed a deep understanding of mental pathology. If you don't mind, I have a few questions about this work that I would like to ask you.
Horney's book is solely concerned with what she calls Neurosis, but the characteristics she attributes to this disorder strike me as being identical to those described in Narcissists (self-hatred, creation of a false self, loss of authentic feelings etc.) Do you consider the disorder she describes to be distinct from Narcissism as you see it? If so, what is the difference between a Narcissist and a Neurotic? Additionally, throughout the book Horney describes treating patients with "analysis." Is this sort of treatment different from psychotherapy which is common today?
Thanks again.
The language has changed since then. But she did write specifically about narcissistic disorders of the self, too.
@@samvaknin I will look for it as I delve into her other books. Thank you!
Synonym of Political correctness = go with the flow. hahahaha I find you very informative and amusing!
What do you do when the majority of family members are narcissists, your significant other O realize is a narcissist and recognize survival traits in myself? Run away? I really don’t know where to start or do.
X2, what did you do?
Sending you infinite love Professor Vaknim and wife because your are so courageous when exposing truths. The knowledge you share in your videos has helped me in my professionnal and personnal life. 🙏 Thank you 🙏 Wishing you the best for your family and self for the future.
To be alert and vigilante and trust, but with eyes open. I liked that!! It is very positive advise. Thank you Sam. I listen to you often and I learned so much about psychopatic mind and how you described how they look at people, take screenshots etc.
One thing came on my mind. In one video you said you will explain why is it that covert narcissists tend to be attracted to prostitutes...why is that?
@whole spirit any type even if it's same sex? Suspect this guy I know (Covert) is Downlow. He denies it but certain sex actions points in the opposite direction.
@@wildhorses6817 Perhaps the reason is they can rest assured the prostitutes will not delve deeply into their split personalities, being superficially content with interacting with the false self?
22:10 Psychotherapy in a nutshell
58:59 Trust: how to tell a true friend from a fake one
Better take Actions into account, rather than a thousands words
People get off on shaming people.
Thank You Sam
Thank you so much!
You know what I love you.. ❤️❤️
On the idea of trusting some person 100% I have cultivated a belief of if you know somebody intimately enough. You can predict their actions in any given circumstance, fully trusting the fact they will be who they are. If you are confident that you understand this person, then you know what you can trust them to do (or not to do).
Brilliant
Trust comes in foot en goes on horseback….
Yes I believe people lie more than they say they do. if people lie whenever someone asks them how they're doing ;It's because they don't want to face the person with the truth ,then they would have to say, I don't want to talk about it ,to tell the truth. People can't handle the truth. In this regard I guess I can't tell the truth.
How can I trust when I realised to have a pattern..all my life I feel in love with narcisists havin beeing raised by both parents narcisists I am a magnet for them.
Haven't finished the video yet, but yet another comment - min 35 mark about the mere extended/persistent presence creating trust. This technic is used on domesticating animals.
Intelligence is to know that you don‘t know.
Sam I appriciate you and the time you invest to help those of us that have been victimized by a narcissist and or psychopath. Unfortunately most who visit you Utube sites do so after the fact. I believe knowledge is the best defense against this abuse and I am frusttrusted that new nothing about this until now at age 59. Is there anyone approaching schools at the state or national level to recommend that this be apart of high school curriculum? It could and should be apart of health class curriculum. Just wondering what your thoughts are.
His name is Robert Greene not Bryan Greene and you’re right, I think in an interview his wife described called him manipulative
Life is a never ending process.
So true: About me and others: love that rant. Seems we have lather on praise at the slightest raised eyebrow.
I think I’ve misunderstood ‘Game Theory.’ Could you share your thoughts?
samvak.tripod.com/nm056.html
psychotherapy as well as most things psychology benefitted greatly off of the input from patients as well as their relatives. apart from that i agree that the internet creates a lot of false experts and opinions. nonetheless authorities are people as well and i have been told to check check check everything
My dear Sam I admire you so you can't do any wrong or mistake in my mind. Lol. So true text book styles, you do not have the word PROFESSOR in front your name cause you brought it off google through your smart phone! 😊
Sorry if I ask something that you've answered somewhere before, haven't found it yet.
I was wondering what happens to the narcissist in relation to oxytocin when he's having sexual intercourse? And what is the effect of THC/cannabis if a narcissist uses it especially to enhance the experience of "lovemaking" or as you mention in other videos masturbating with an insignificant other?
There are no studies specific to narcissists and these substances (in sex).
@@samvaknin Hmm, too bad... Because I also had a question about it in relation to intuition after watching the other video.
I think my intuition saved me from not marrying a narcissist (by not wrecking the marriage I was still in: had already mentioned divorce). However, I think my intuition failed in stopping me from falling in love: somehow I feel that a narcissist can perhaps change his body language with help of using drugs - in such low quantities that he wouldn't seem stoned - when meeting someone to appear as if he is a "normal" person, so that on short term, one would fall for the avances of a narcissist and then will be trapped for a longer period in a relationship as you start loving the person, unfortunately:( anyway, there are no studies about drugs use and narcissistic behaviour so that's just a hypothesis...
So, do you think it could be that in a narcissist the release of oxytocin due to an orgasm goes together with release of cortisol for instance? As a narcissist actually is afraid of letting someone too close? And that maybe nullifies the effect of oxytocin in narcissists? Also just hypothesizing...
Thanks for answering though... I'm in a healing process, most difficult part for me is that he had such good acting skills, that I still sometimes think, he might've loved me... But then I think of how he replaced me within a few weeks by someone new, got married and told me your pain, I can't do anything about it (anymore)... Had it been someone who loved, he would've been sad and taken time to grieve... That's what keeps me strong. And your video's :) thanks again!
@@Kazokaslt I actually asked about oxytocin and not about the thc/cbd, so it wasn't really an answer to my question, so what are you laughing at?
Now this is the honest, not bogged down by politically correct BS, truth! From Socrates on! 😊
Hello Sam - I struggle a bit with the pronunciation of Erscheinung and... ??? what are you saying exactly.... (Anschauung...?) Know Kant from his name and some texts I read at school at the time. Do not know everything ...., well. Anyhow: I am german and would like to follow your video correctly. I love your explanations and follow you since a while. "Schönen Abend aus Deutschland und vielen Dank für die tollen und sehr informativen Videos...." - oh mei, Sam, my student friend is unfortunately a covert narc.... so sad. Hoped all the time, that maybe I misunderstood his "off" behavior for "normal" struggling in live like everyone does, but unfortunately: no... he is one of this species (covert Narc) .... So sad. I liked him very much....to let him go as a person I know since 28 years (from afar) is so difficult and sad, very sad. Best regards from France... There I live since 19 years.
Thank goodness we have smart phones because we sure have a lot of stupid people using them.
what are your thoughts on monogamy and marriage in general, does it still relevant in today's world?
samvak.tripod.com/marriage.html plus several vids on this channel.
@@samvaknin thank you very much
@@user-dm2wz6np3v the growing number of temporary short term relationships (multiple relationships in many cases) and the prioritization of career over family amongst women. at least in my country Saudi Arabia. the way I see it.
"Calling a lie a lie is difficult in an age of academic studies corrupted by political correctness." = YES
Tests are good in order yo observe & verify items Doubts allows US to have a better glimpse about what happens around us.
It would be really wonderful if you could give us a glimpse into your knowledge of finance and economics as well, it would really benefit novices like me.
czcams.com/users/vakninmusings
Can you talk about seeing this in employment and doctors and therapist
Lady Gaga lives for the applause and we live to correct Mr. Vaknin. Just kidding and being the "class clown", obviously. Curious at this point though, what does the kid with social interaction troubles manifest? Is this the external mortification or anxiety about the predicted abandonment?
Is your vakninmusings a .com? I've tried and keep getting error message that the page is not available.
vakninmusings is a CZcams channel: czcams.com/users/vakninmusings
I find that People that criticize, specially when the Material presented is irrelevant to the
criticism, as total idiots, and no
doubt in my mind that the Topic you
Are discussing as a Proffesor, is describing them as individuals, and they can't accept their own reality!
آني اوحيفوتاخ ❤️
I cringed when you said a German felt the need to correct a Jew and pull them up on their behavior. Utterly embarrassing. Germans! Sit down- we haven’t forgotten , never will. Hush your mouths.