I can honestly say from past experience of being in a relationship with a toxic narcissist.... this guy KNOWS what he's talking about. Listen to him. He is speaking the truth.
"They made you feel special didn't they? And you felt special, didn't you?" me agreeing while sobbing and nodding my head uncontrollably 😭😭😂😂... Thanks for this, you're helping me confront some ugly truths
Don t think for a minute that what you are going through is just your case. We are millions that almost went crazy because of these monsters. Be yourself, go to therapy regain your life and be sure that you are not alone. All the best wishes be strong.
Same head movement here! Still digesting this pure truth distilled with bitter empathy :"you're just a jacket. You're a shoes. I can't love a jacket." 😭😭😔😔 spent 10 years as a tool... So damaging ! But this feeling since we started talking about family, I sensed it ! Knew it ! After 2 years, f*******ck !!!!!!
When I disagreed with something she said I got the "Reptillian Stare" How dare I challenge her. "No contact" works for me but unwitting enablers try to help me forgive her, make up and not be bitter towards her. I'm not bitter, I'm better.
Because they are unable of unconditional love, yet in their delusions, they do believe they love and sacrifice for others, but they actually don't or only do it but then have to parade it in order to get admiration and gratefulness. They do not even mind getting admiration from children like grandchildren if they do not find any other supply source!
That sounds like the woman I liked. She stares at me and likes when I say hello but ask her to spend any additional time with me and the answer is no. It took a while but I figured her out. It's also called validation.
1. Exposure of True Self because false image is everything 2. Defiance because it leads to detachment if the false image holds no sway over you 3. Loss of Supply of the ones applauding their false image because they thrive off of attention rather than love since they opted for attention as a child when love was not supplied to them. 4… bonus near the end… stick around to hear it. 😉
True! I can hear the disappointment in the voice of the female creature trying to harm me when she is told I am doing well, finding independence, getting on with my life. Vile, evil, individual she is as is her miserable spouse. They tear each other apart and so it’s obvious they get a jolly out of trying to hurt others. They know I am getting on with my life and they can’t stand it.
Spread our wings and fly!! Flex our heart, mind, soul muscles!! Reach out to others & show them understanding & compassion, so they too will overcome this situation!! 💫
One of the most " jaw dropping " experiences I've ever had was watching a different video on this subject. Less then ten minutes into the video it was describing half of my family perfectly. Reading the comments people were saying things that I had said and thought about my family for years. Watching that video it was like having a burden lifted that I had been carrying for 40 years.
Thank God the spell was broken! Now you can hopefully start your new life and be truly independent and happy! Just shut the door and don't look back, as Richard advises in the video.
I'm getting my real estate license in another state and moving. My narc knows nothing of this. One day he will discover I am gone. But I have been working on healing. I've found Brainspotting to be very helpful. I plan, even at 51, to find love, real love. Thank You, God, for my future love.
Every day of my life, my parents keep telling me that there's something seriously wrong with me. Once I stopped believing their bullshit, my mental health has improved.
I was told there was something wrong with me all the time- if I cried or was upset or angry or frustrated- as a child- sent to my room- silenced told to calm down or stay there- for hours, when i was a teenager they threatened to call the ambulance to take me away if i became upset- cried- expressed anger. I am still trying to figure out what is real. i isolate a lot and of course every relationship I found myself in I was fooled and blindsided when I figured out the extent of the deception- all cluster b's. Fun stuff.
My own mom told me once I was a narcissist..the funny thing is I’m an Empathy..crazy to think your own parents don’t see any good in you and instead only see bad shit they are projecting onto you
Hi everyone on this thread...im in my late 50s, my abusive covert narc mother is late 90s. She did to me all the things you guys wrote about, and then some...i finally went no contact with her 13 years ago, but i was already in my mid 40s...and i even broke it twice last year ( due to her ruses about " estate planning needs", etc), to disastrous effect. Two, approx 2 hr each mtgs, on her turf no less, took me weeks and months to recover from... Trust me, even tho its ur parent, with all the guilt that comes with that, GO NO CONTACT WITH THEM and STAY NO CONTACT HARD CORE FOREVER. They never, ever, ever change, they only GET WORSE Its ur life vs theirs. No contact. Its a lifesaver.
Authentic, Concise, genuine, informative, and he realizes he is not trying to gain a audience and masses. But actually help. There's millions of people abused by narcassist. He is stop on
@@gtporschers my mother is a psychopath. She tries to control my siblings and me. And she is the most evil person I have ever met. I don't let her control me anymore and now she is trying to ruin my life. I lost lots of money because of her, I lost my friends because of her and I am dealing with health issues because of the mental abuse. But, I won't let her win! Fortunately I am a fighter like my dad. I am trying to heal and stay away from narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths!
The minute you said “ they fear that you’re healing. “ Hit me! Like a massive brick... As the last conversation I had with my ex he said to me “ The therapy that you’re in, really isn’t helping you at all. “ - Making me feel like I’m doing a shitty job at healing myself.. Grrr!! I’ve been 4 weeks NC and man it’s a struggle but I’m learning to do all the things that he said I couldn’t do like a pro!
I have been a you tube narcissist recovery junkiefor 3 years. This video has helped me more than any others. I see my part in it all.....just as responsible as the narc. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU
We all go through seasons, in order to heal as much as possible, we must deal & unfortunately go through our suffering to detox all that toxicity, awareness reflections accountability ~ evolve, growth, bloom, blossom, GlowUp!! Live your own best life. I teach my young daughters how to release/let go ASAP, only need 1-3 errors /patterns- let go. There’s billions of ppl to meet live live a good life woth, find ppl woth souls good souls, truth in Treatment, no such thing as one soul mate🚫
He is so genuine and honest. I can see deep inside his eyes, there’s a scar on his heart which he successful healed and he wants to save others from the hurt. He is wise and handsome too
This is what I always tell people that I manage at work. “Your goal should be to be so good at what you do that you work yourself out of a job.” Great mentality.
I have been swallowing my bitter medicine. The narcs in my life have been there since before I was born. I was taught to respect them. I married into their family. I believed them and became one of their flying monkeys. I finally woke up and found out that they were narcissist. The overt one passed away, and I am dealing with the covert one. My husband can not receive the fact that they are what they are. Now, I am trying to find my authentic self again. I made amends with their previous discarded victims to the best of my ability and have minimal contact with them. I have not been perfect in my strategic withdrawal, but I am learning from my mistakes and grounding myself in prayer and praise to lift my vibrations. Forgiving them is for myself, not them. No bitterness, no revenge, entrust myself to the Almighty that His justice may prevail.
@@RICHARDGRANNON Yes it is! And My anger, came after, totally starting to understand, what I had been fostered into, and believed and lived through. Those used to me being too nice, only, they got afraid of me. And even I got afraid of myself, sometimes, cause I couldnt understand where all that anger came from. I know now, its all that buttled up, stuff, which at last came out. And thats, Healing, all the sorrows. They all, fled very quickly when I saw through their games, and my own courage broke through.
That's all I saw when she was confronted with her infidelity. Complete rage. The only reaction I was used to seeing in people was remorse not rage. It scared me. In those moments she was capable of anything. Yet I was the mentally unstable one. I still am. In the narc narrative. I needed to hear these truths no matter how hard they are.
Yes just anxiety and then anger. Weirdest thing I ever witnessed too. I was soon after in the wrong she tried to change the narrative to me being abusive when I never was. Who knows the truth because the unmentioned is if they believe their own lies or if they are fully delusional. Also how the patterns of their behavior are ingrained. That would indicate a range of what is going on. We all have these thoughts at some point in our lives to narcissism its whether we identify they are wrong and or not a pattern. It would appear Richard Grannon's ex and most are full spectrum with no hope. (Believing their altered realities) NPD is where I am going with that. I would not call it a recovery but more a progression of wanting to better themselves with some changes. Unfortunately it normally happens when there is no supply to be found and they are faced with their realities one day. There is definitely some people who will change over time though to some degree unfortunately not in the ways we would hope or like for the most part.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra I find I do this myself. But I’m aware of it and it doesn’t feel right while I’m doing it. I feel best when I’m not. I put it down to a slight lack of self esteem. At least I’m aware of it and can try and phase it out I suppose 🙏🏻
I tell myself that I don't need anyone else's approval, that I can deal with myself and be proud of the things I've done without the acknowledgement of others. This, as I've discovered this past month, is a lie. True, I've had glimpses of the truth that I cannot be happy without the praise of others, but I am always successful in suppressing it. Now, I can deny it no longer. When I am criticised, I retreat in shame, never to look at that person the same way again. When I am thanked, it is never enough - I demand greater tribute for my efforts than a mere polite gesture, and I feel mocked by niceties. I feel no guilt, gratitude, or true love for others, regardless of closeness. I swear I am in love with another, only to discover it is the same lust I would have for a material possession. Contrary to popular belief, I do understand, from an academic standpoint, that I am responsible for my actions... yet I will never truly _feel_ at fault for anything unless it is of direct consequence to me. Sincerely (as sincere as one of us can be), a Cerebral Narcissist.
Coming from a comparatively poor background (my definition: yrs periods of no food in fridge in first world country) I do that all the time, while working for rich twats who (however aside from being genuinely nice people) seem to enjoy the good life with 3 holidays per year with their family. It's a mechanism built into my brain. But it's the same mechanism now making me go after the money as never before. So what's ''bad''?? That's a condition of ruminating from early on, in my case.
@H D Or "I know well who I am and need to be bought by others". They know they are minus infinite. They compare to others to see how high they have to step up with their show.
Thank you. As a healed person, this guy speaks honestly. For those who are still trappped, look deep inside yourself and break free. You are stronger than you think.
Narrissists are evil cowards , God bless any of us who's had to deal and have to deal with such jealous muilitive demons ,may the bad they wish on us not leave them in good Gods name 🙏❤️
I didn't spot it either. I'd lived with a grandiose obvious Narcissist years ago and did NOT see that my husband was a covert, vulnerable type of Narcissist. Didn't know there was such a thing - that they could be insecure and not have a loud huge ego. And do immense damage. My psychiatrist who helped me after I finally broke down told me that the fear and confusion can make you break down. 😥 True. He was the WORST because the emotional and psychological battering was worse than the first man who actually did confine me to the house. Turns out you're not crazy at all. You are being gaslit about the abuse itself if you try to call them on it. It just goes in circles of trauma bonding. No, you're not crazy but yes, they can damage your mind not just your self esteem. I wish you freedom, love and the respect that you deserve 🌿🙏✨
"If you want to see if someone is a narcissist tell them no. Watch what happens". You said that in the past, Richard and it is such a true narcissist test. -
Or ask them how they can improve themselves. Most will say nothing bc they believe they’re perfect . My last benign narcissist answered by saying 2 more inches 😏🤦🏼♀️
@@carolinelaronda4523 They need to believe they are perfect. Even thow they know they are not. For them to fully aware that is the trigger for suicide.
This is the first time I haven't watched a narcissist video and gone away feeling like a narcissist myself.. thank you for validating that Im not crazy, I have adopted these traits, and I can change. This gave me hope 🌞
In my experience, if you are around a narcissist, they can and will make you believe you are the true narcissist): don’t fall for it. “If you feel confused, you’re being abused.”
That's the failed logic they have. If they're perfect as they think, there's nothing to expose. When they're not perfect then saying they aren't is not an exposure. But that's one thing they fear: be a normal person with pros and cons like everyone else. And being reminded of that feels like an existential threat to them.
How does one try to make your kids not turn into a narc? Empathy for is very important, I feel any human being should have empathy. How do I teach my kids to have that?
Don't let them win!!! "Your win is to stop watching these videos and go and get on with your life" We are worth healing and not being someone's supply!!
OMG !!! Sitting here realizing I've been infected with her insanity!!! All the while, trying to understand what is wrong with me?? He is so RIGHT !! Thank God for these videos and my therapist.
M Robin word. Like when they know you are not fond of cheesecake, so they make you cheesecake and everyone thinks you suck because you are sad about it.
My ex husband after we separated would say things to me like 'I never talk to anyone or say anything bad to my family members about you' It occurred to me he wasn't saying that out of respect. He was saying that bc he didn't want me going to my close loved ones saying anything about him. I discovered years later that he was a narcissist. He also would say things like I'm so proud of you...you are such a good mother to our daughter. I appreciate it so much. I found out years later that he was all along abusing our daughter with narcissistic emotional manipulation. She had gone to a therapist as an adult and discovered her dad basically messed her up. I was so angry and depressed and devastated that I didn't know this was going on. She had been suicidal which was the most horrible thing I personally ever experienced in my life. The helplessness I felt. The guilt that I didn't know narcissists even was a thing. I hadn't even known about PTSD until a decade after I left a horrible abusive situation in my childhood thru my 20s.
The one thing about narcs is that their language is ALWAYS the lie! And they can look you in the eye, in total innocence, and lie black is white. Don't feel guilty: nobody realises what narcissism even is until they've been 'infected' and experience the sickening and blinding control of it. As my doctor told me, once you've been a victim or target, you'll be able to see any other narc coming from 30 feet away - thankfully, he was right! It takes a little while but then all of a sudden the abuse or the lies or the manipulation becomes evident. Covert narcs are the worst and most dangerous and unfortunately there seems to be an absolute explosion of them worldwide.
I'm a daughter of narc dad , he made me do all my mom should do , except sex . He made my mom the bad one , she gave up . He took me . Then I married one . 25 yrs of she doesn't get to be happy
No one has ever looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry this happened to you," in the three years since I left my 22 year marriage. His gaslighting and psychological abuse built up so subtly I felt like the frog in a pot of I didn't realize the relationship was abusive until EIGHTTEEN YEARS INTO THE MARRIAGE, when following his affair I began doing what I wanted and needed for myself, and sticking up for myself when he spoke to me in a manner I didn't like, and then he played the wounded victim role, claiming I was mean to him and didn't like him because I was always telling him what to do and say now. Thank you. I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear someone - anyone - say those exact words to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Sounds just like my ex of 2 years. Same behaviours.. I just don’t know about cheating because he had insecurities about his region down south, but hey they need constant validation, so who knows?
I am sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too No-one said I am sorry that happened to you to me either and it made me feel invisible. I am a mental health counselor and the real healing comes from everyone around us caring and being empathic. Find a group or a GOOD therapist. I ❤ care
Yes. I am and was an open book. He was as dark as an abyss, that was hidden by a woven web of lies until I unpicked one gosamer thread...and then it all began to unravel. The spider...oh, how he rages, but I am safe in the light!
Exactly! Ive made it clear I despise liars and I will not stand to be accused of lieing....and what does my narc friend start to do? Blatantly lie to me for no reason about things which have no affect on me whatsoever. And that was my wake up call to analyze how she's been blatantly mistreating me all along, which I pushed off as emotional responses to life not personal. Well it is personal, and I have healed from many narcs I've had use me as a supply, and I'm not going to participate in a friendship just because I fear a smear campaign or other reactions. Today is the day I stop fearing reactions. I'm so over the abuse, I'm no victim and I won't live as such.
I agree. I exposed my wife with all kinds of proof in body language, verbal analysis, physical evidence but still denies cheating 7 times. A narcissistic on the next level. I ask her to take a lie detector test & allow me to retrieve info from her phone. Refused the polygraph & said she would destroy her phone before I see it, hmm. Any thoughts out there?
OMG. "that's the nature of infection..." Thank you, Richard. This is so generous of you to tell empaths like it is. May you be blessed for your wisdom and heart. I realized my pursuit of education, and "understanding" of narcissism is a coping mechanism. Yup. It is time to seek my authenticity, which includes C-PTSD.🙏❤
Leaving a covert or fragile narcissist is incredibly hard if the narcissist is a mother or older sister. My aunt could never get out from under my covert NPD mother’s “Black Magic” spell. She lost all of her identity and told herself that she had “dealt with her issues with her” and had “forgiven her.” She believed this delusional thinking my mother force fed her and continued daily contact. My aunt died suddenly from a rare cancer as if her only way out from under her spell was death. I’ve cut contact completely with my NPD mother years ago. I have experienced & seen how deadly it is to stay in contact with someone with NPD who refuses help.
Today is a new day! Richard has a free download about emotional flashbacks! It helped *me* so much! For so many years it was as if i was watching myself freeze and automatically cover for them.. I promise you this will get better as you *see* through it all. You are SO very valuable!!! ❤
@edcrobert T exactly! I froze..i acted as if it *was* ok and(please get this) it was automatic! I did it and covered for my asshole brother just two weeks ago! Nauseated myself when i realized it..
@@liznorth4028 My narc is my older brother, too, and I completely understand. I remember, before I finally pieced together what was happening and that it was a pattern, feeling so, so relieved during family get-togethers when HE would act as though he hadn't said or written hateful, demeaning, blaming things to me just days or weeks before. I was actually giddy with relief and happiness that we were "back to normal" as if I had been the aggressor! To complicate things, he spends a lot of time "helping" our widowed mom. It wasn't until I realized she was perfectly fine with his conduct, and even joined in (if he was present), that I started looking for answers. The final straw was Mom "forgetting" to invite me and my family on the annual family vacation until just days before the rest of them left to fly together to another state. It was one of the most surreal experiences, realizing that she and narc bro had planned the whole trip and included our other brother and his family - purchased plane tickets, VRBO lodging for all 8 of them, and made other plans, and just "forgot" to include us. The thing I'll never forget is Mom telling me as I left her house how wonderful the plans were, especially the lodging, and that she really hoped we'd be able to come. Crazy-making in the extreme because she raised me to know that you need to plan things, like invitations, well in advance to have a successful event, but the "invite" gave my family of 4 working adults less than a week to make work and travel arrangements. It still took me a couple of days to realize that there was no explanation other than that we simply weren't invited, and that she had just accidentally mentioned the trip while my husband, daughter and I were visiting her. That was my "I'm done, but wtf is this?!" moment. I got into counseling, which has helped me recognize this has actually been a lifelong pattern of Mom constantly normalizing and enabling narc bro's abuse of me, including physical and sexual abuse when I was a child. He uses her as an excuse to verbally abuse me as an adult, accusing me of exploiting, neglecting or alternately being too involved in her life (?!!), but somehow I imagined that she would take my side if she knew. I've never mentioned his adult abusive outbursts because I learned as a child that it would just make her sad and "disappointed" in me for not "understanding that's just how he is." Turns out that she's known about the adult incidents all along and was uncomfortable with the idea of having both of us on the vacation. My family and I were the expendables. Once I got over the shock of realizing that is a pattern, and always has been, I set extremely rigid boundaries with her and have gone no contact with him. I do not discuss him with Mom at all, but she tries to get me to like it's her job. It still shocks me to realize how easily I was led into that trap every. single. time. Now, I just change the subject without saying anything at all - she tries a few more times and then gives up. I also don't give her any personal information about myself or anybody in my family. Everything we talk about is 100% superficial current events and I'm still able to make sure she's doing o.k., doesn't need anything, etc. It's been working pretty well for about a year now.
@@eurokay4755 Similar situation. Golden child brother who is abusive to me, because that was how our family always worked - I've been the family dustbin since 40 years ago when we all lived together. I can't complain to our mother because she would get a kick out of that; it would be tantamount to him having declared he's taken her side. Stay grey rock with your mother. Not only should you not go on holiday with those people, you should think about avoiding family events. I haven't for 10 years and my lot have decided it's because I am mentally ill. However, they've rejected family therapy because they "wouldn't go to therapy with someone as sick as that". That's a direct quote from Mummy.
I’m watching every video on Narcissism just to prepare my plan for my escape 😂. Since the moment I wrote down my plan, I’ve been feeling like a huge weight had been lifted. It’s a sense of relief I never had.
Hey guys, just a bit of an update on how I am doing. Things have been good for me, I had bad days, but I also had good days. I’m far far away from home and not planning to go back anytime soon. So I’m going to share about what has helped me recover and grow so far, and I really hope it can be helpful for you too. Here comes a wall of text. First and foremost, please go somewhere, very far from home, if you grow up in an unhealthy household like I did. Grasp every chance, find any way you can, to just get away. This can instantly clear up your mind and give you a head start. But don’t think you’re out of the narc’s reach yet, they have made big impacts on your life so it takes a while. You can start setting small boundaries over time with your narcs, so they don’t feel like you’re getting out of their control and cause even more problems to you. Just don’t suddenly flip, keep your cool and gradually pull yourself away from all that toxicity. You want to deal with less, not more. Once you got away, it is important to focus on yourself, make up all the time you spent neglecting yourself. Take time to let all that grief and resentment to unfold, and they will resolve themselves after a while. One of the things that worked for me was trying to make meaningful connections with emotionally healthy people and people who grew up in a functional family. Try to learn from them, how they treat others, how they process their emotions, how they handle conflicts, etc. Overall just learn how a healthy person and a healthy relationship looks like, which most of us just don’t know. Next thing is to get help when you need it. Try counselling, if you can’t afford it and you’re in school, maybe your school can offer some counselling, so try to look for it. When things get hard, talk to your trusted friends, vent about it with strangers maybe. Just please don’t isolate yourself, it is not embarrassing to address your feelings like the narcs made you feel it is. Last thing I would advise you guys to do is to get out there and communicate as much as possible, even with people you disagree with. Because when you grow up around narcissists, you will probably suck at communicating. You may be nasty with people who you disagree with without even knowing, or you can be really self conscious and not communicate at all which will lead to miscommunication. I pushed myself to do this and it helped me learn how to agree to disagree, how to respect people, and how to retain relationships. It might be really hard for you now, with all that’s happening in the world. But it gets better, so hang on there. Wish you guys the best recovery and growth.
When I realised I hadn't watched your videos in a good month I decided I was healed ... Six years no contact later I'm glad to be back ❤ You trying to tell people to stop watching is hilarious but true 😂❤
WELL DONE Yvette....shoot them out of your life one by one..by one. SNAKES one and all...as you observe them skin-shedding right in front of you. Easy to spot'em once you know how...then they are blindingly obvious. I met one recently at a bus-stop...she got twenty-odd ODD questions in before i had really spoken..i found saying YES...and NO constantly drove her onwards and onwards until she eventually came out with "You're not very talkative are you...not much of a conversationalist, eh?"..... ME: "So, are we done here???.....mmmmm....ohhhh loook...here's my bus...fancy that...what a great service buses are". THIS FELT LIKE A CONVERSATION WITH A ROBOT......she lives opposite a HOSPITAL....i picked up on that gem straight away...and the fact that she stared right through me in a really creepy way..TWICE.
These analogies are how our ancestors dealt the fallible human condition. These kinds of stories were their "therapy" sessions that helped them understand what was happening to them, before the scientism of psychiatry displaced them. The mythology traditions that vampirism and golems fit under go back >5,000 yrs. Really good treatment of this stuff can be read in Laurence Gardner's books.
I cannot recall hearing anyone break down the narcissistic personality so clearly.OMG. God give us the strength to say and stand by our no's.....to stand by our boundaries, to exit and never look back. 😓
If narcissists fear healing, then you're their worst nightmare. I need to heal, but I also hope to be able to help others in a way similar to what you do, although on a more casual scale. You're inspiring. Ideally, together we'd all create a society in which they can't find any victims at all.
Well... this is how I see it... you saved yourself a lot of emotional damage!!!Although it hurts now, one day you will thank heavens that you got out. You now have the freedom to meet someone that will respect you. You should be proud of yourself for holding your boundary!
behind-blue-eyes I said no to mines because I was going out with my girlfriend to have dinner and he discarded me on valentine day 😂 but he didn’t know I have a dismissive attitude .
Be careful. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a person getting away from someone who is losing control and has nothing to lose. Don't tell them. Get a plan and just leave.
Your videos will now be on repeat play, so I will never forget. I will never forget that I am stronger than his madness and manipulation. Every time I think of his ‘good qualities’ I will watch these videos. Nothing is worth the little crumbs I would get from him.
I want to share some tidbits of the last narcissist I dated in case it helps anyone. He’s a classic narcissist with a flare for “The Secret” and “manifestations” and your thoughts becoming your reality. So when I brought up any issue that seemed to be a red flag, it was because “I brought it upon myself with my thoughts” or some other nonsense. (Disclaimer: I think positive thoughts and energy are great. This is purely related to a narcissist and his attempts to gain financially from me and whatever else he had in mind. ) These are very dangerous people. Stay away. You should be able to see a red flag when you make a normal joke that anyone laughs at or if you say something referring to yourself, the narcissist will take it personally; everything is about them. Their voice changes and speed with which they speak increases with mask on or off or in certain social situations. Every situation is attempted to be spinned to their gain. They often have financial difficulties. They’ll probably hint at you helping them and feel entitled to other people’s money, like their parents. The feelings of entitlement are real. They’ll make soulmate claims and talk about the future quickly. Lovebombing. You’ll feel uneasy. Trust your gut. They want to sweep you off your feet so you ignore the red flags. They will attempt to find codependent people or see you frequently right away, like spending every night together. They are very insecure about your past relationships. They are worried you found other lovers better than the narcissist. If someone is performing on a stage or a class is being conducted, the narcissist will do something to get attention. They dislike when others are receiving attention. They will pretend to be a victim with hurt feelings when they do something “wrong” to you. They really dislike when you have emotional poise and the wherewithal to make good decisions. You’ll find that they have odd interactions with others. Like a business associate - there’s a quarrel and the relationship doesn’t work out. They attempt a smear campaign to anyone who will listen. Something seems off about normal everyday interactions that the narcissist gets upset by. They might get upset about a dream you had. Something you can’t control and doesn’t affect the narcissist in any ostensible way. But their ego is very strong. They can’t hide it all the time. Their insecurity drives almost every interaction and thought they have. They are incapable of good intentions; life is never about helping others or being a genuine person - it’s about money and attention/fame. This is all gathered from two and a half months. 😂 and watching videos and being like “yes, this exactly.” There’s so much more I could say. But please follow that voice in your head. If you don’t want the same relationship you have with a narcissist for your mother or your child, then don’t accept it for yourself. 💕 If anyone wants to know what happened, I pointed out to the narcissist that I felt they were a liar, love bomber, and a narcissist. They got up and said “I’m done. Nice meeting you.” I was their “soulmate” the day prior. ....Oh, I don’t believe in soulmates by the way. That was a big problem. Anyway I was like okay, see yourself out. Person tried to come back and be like “this doesn’t have to be abrupt”. I blocked. The end. I’m so glad I could see what was happening.
Very true. Can anyone best this ....when i met the narc he said his father is dead. Sometime later he went missing for a few days. Could not find him. Phone off. I visited his work place. Where is he ....they told me he went to his fathers funeral and had the proof of the time and place. Helllooo. Lets go.😂
I had to go no contact with an ex friend who I’ve known since early childhood (over 40 years). Behaviour was tolerated till it became clear he’s a narc. I thought of saying to him: you’re arrogant. you’re domineering. you’re boastful. you’re manipulative. you’re derisive. And I could just see his face breaking into that child like sneer they have when full of joy. NO CONTACT for three years now. It’s the only way. All the best folks. They’re bad, bad people.
That "pain" you feel later, when you realize that it wasn't love is really horrible. I'm years past that now, and I am ready to move on. I've loved watching your videos, and hated them. I've had a love, hate with your truth that you give. Truth hurts, it's a hard pill. Hope we all find the courage to love again, to let someone in where potentially they can hurt us, but "Love" is worth it. It is the ultimate if your lucky enough to meet the right person.
The pain of realisation is soul destroying. To finally understand why you never felt it was a normal relationship is a relief but also a devestation of all you believed in.
Pain might get even more severe when you actually find someone who truly loves and respects you. What I mean? For me, it was the moment, when I realised how much b*ll*hit I was willing to handle before, just to feel "loved". It still scares me as *ell.
@@hassanchop3622 I still feel love for my dog and my son but I did lose a lot of my self love. I am working on going back to being happy being me. Of course back then I was also staying within my boundaries. We also have to accept the fact that no one has ever kept all of their own standards (I am a Christian so I must add except Jesus) and you have to forgive yourself. Even Jesus forgives us when we do feel remorse and try to stop. The ticket is never, ever give up. Rewiring our brain takes time, the right diet, exercise (all body maintenance), and I recommend the courses on Richard's website.
You’re just the customer service department. When you no longer put up with the premise of the “customer is always right” that’s when the degrade, devalue, and discard happens.
My win is the lawsuit I'm sticking my narc with. I am still gobsmacked how this narcissism bit has a cycle and a checklist. I just kept checking off the boxes in sequential order! (Love bombing, the 'ole bait and switch, gaslighting, silent treatment, projection, lies, temper tantrum, shaming, discard, smear campaign). Fear #1: I exposed his cheap (and very obvious) nose job and shamed him right back! Fear #2 My "NO!" was like a tiger's growl (I didn't even know I had it in me to do that!) Fear #3 Loss (he knew it was over and prepped for the discard while grooming another). This really is an infectious poison I knew nothing about! 3 years of racking my brain over this. I'm almost healed and will undoubtedly win in court but, man, what a chapter of my life. It came at me like a left curve ball. I thought narcissism was just this buzz word for arrogant people. It is so much more. Next time I see it coming on, I'm running for the hills! Good luck to all victims and survivors. You WILL move beyond this in time.
The three things the narcissist fears the most: 1. Exposure 2. Defiance 3. Loss. But hang on, the bonus 4th tucked in this post is the awesome climax. 1-2-3-4 -way to go :-)
I thought I could heal while still being in low contact with one of the better narcassists In my family, then the other day I was guilted and shamed for not speaking to my mother. So I had to go no contact with her as well. I'm done with the lot!! It ruined the peace I had built up!
I have also done that; it had been years and the person was not directly involved in the abuse, but what a mistake. She was actually taking info from me and feeding it to the parasites. The day I realized what was happening I removed contact, pictures of her and her kids, gifts she had sent when hoovering for the crazies. Done. Sad but necessary. Was re-entering the black hole of wtf
Km 333 keep up the strong work!! I have been no contact with my mom. But anyone who guilts me about not talking to her. They have to go! I have no room for manipulation and guilt. It's so toxic!! Poison has to go!!!
Its a verry small world. When you are in it you think its all there is. Just hold on and be open again for new experiences that will expand your world. It will show you how sad their life really is.
Until you realise, and see with your own eyes, and feel in your bones and cells, that you are peace and light itself. And that you always were. Not special, not better than others.
rebuke that belief.. your peace doesn't have to depend on them.. protect your peace like it's your child.. tell them, "Your opinion is not my problem!" they're causing you disturbance, you cut them off, you get even more peace than before.. ok? I hope this helps xoxo
Last year my narc step dad was caught in the act by my wife for the first time, she has been through shit of her own so she wasnt about to put up with it. We called him out right away for being abuse and raging on us for driving him to the airport and paying $2 tolls with our own money. She had never seen someone so angry in her life and that was all I needed to hear. We packed up our stuff, I tried explaining to him one last time that he has baby, daddy issues and needs a therapist or he will never have a normal life. We left him there and said the only way we could see my mother is without him, so she made him drop her off at our place for a week and he had to hang out in Florida and act like he was cool. It was hilarious and sad all at the same time. Mom just told me I cant come home for the first time and I understand that he has banned me from ever going to his home for humiliating him on his vacation in Florida. Luckily for me, going to their home and spending time is the last thing I want to do. My wife and I agreed to go no contact and blocked them in every way possible. I already know I have been disowned for decades so now is just waiting for them to pass away and meet God for the first time.
LOL...my ex told me on countless occassion - "You are too broken." I went into therapy, not him, which led to my freedom, thank god! This video has been a life changing moment!
You hit the nail on the head. I asked for closure and he said he couldn't give me that cause seasons change. He cheated on me with 2 girls in 3 months, I was with him 12 years. I exposed him and gave him closure. He got mad, told me I was crazy and to lose his number. I DID! iim educating myself, and listen to the song sweet freedom by Michael McDonald. It gives me hope!! Thank you, and best wishes to all that are here!
The day had come when I no longer had the energy to respond/react and I found myself just observing his Song and dance. I later learned I had unintentional gone *grey rock* (if that's possible. Maybe I was just defeated) At this particular moment he was in a high, practically doing cart-wheels for me and everyone in the room. He sat down beside me and with a pouty voice and look he says "why are you so disenchanted with me?"... I asked him what he said and he repeated " it's as though you are disenchanted with me" it was at that very second I saw the sick "enchantment" or dark spell I had been under for 20 years. And he had the awareness that it had broken... It took months after this but I am out
They loved you like they love a warm jacket, nothing more and seasons change. They can get a new jacket....brilliant analogy! Thank you for this video!
Yep, this guy knows exactly what he's talking about. Use this information to change your behavior if you are dealing with a narcissist. Once you let go of needing validation from them and really believe what Richard is telling you, it's very freeing! Seeking validation and/or closure from a narcissist is a horrible cage we put ourselves in!
No contact is also very helpful. Mine was a stalker and everytime my healing would begin I would get an unexpected, uninvited, intrusive visit-some overt some covert. I finally moved so I can fully heal. This prevented me from moving and being able to date in a healthy way. Then it turns out I attract more of the same. I know I am not fully healed. That is my goal! Before I get into any otheer relationship. It is noteworthy, that often Empaths like me, have also little friend/family support when we leave the Narc as we do attract "vampires" even in friends and we tend to have Narcs or other PDs in our family of origin. But I am happier now with little support and very few friends than with the Narc!! 💙
That's exactly how I felt. Wow..great analogy...i literally woke up one morning and said I had enough of this bullshit. Like I woke up from this dark slumber...enchantment...I went zero to 100% . He was super confused..he knew before i uttered a word. He just read my demeanor..he tried to hook me again and nothing worked till I told him to pack and bounce out! 3 solid years of no contact. This all happened cold turkery I snapped I had enough I went supernova mode for 1 yr until my divorce finalized. Thank god
😲 Me Too! I woke up one morning & said the exact same thing, packed his belongings up around him as he slept, woke him up & said you've got to go! 10 yrs I was Done! Stupidly I accepted a ring several years before but I knew I couldn't go through with it it was a trap & a train wreck going nowhere! Best decisions of my Life! Over 2 yrs No Contact
You don’t have to utter a word. Narcs know when you’ve had enough because they’re on the defense, always watching you and waiting to see if you are still on their side.
@@julialindur8686 That is where I am now. He feels I don't give as much as before and that I conter his accusations. He became more silent immediately ,tried still to hoover me back in ,but he noticed that I'm not that easy to get back anymore - wish me luck.
Sorry pal, I've been watching you for 4 years and will continue to watch your videos. You are a source of inspiration and a defining part of my life. You keep me aware of reality and level headed. So thank you sir. Be well.
@@victoriamincel7977 You sound triggered. Don't take what they said personal, everyone experience is going to be different. Some people didn't put up with the abuse that long for various reasons. The same as people who did stay longer than they should. As long as you do the self work and focus on you, you won't get offended at someone else's experience. We all need work some more than others, if you need more it's ok. I use to be jealous and felt bad because I wasn't grade A supply. That's crazy because I still suffered narc abuse, who cares if I was never primary, it still abuse. It's not a pissing contest who struggle was worst or who wasn't smart enough to get out. Just worry about your situation that's all you can do.
Went to a family party and exposed him to everyone what he put me through,his face said it all,he didnt leave me but knew i wasnt afraid to speak the truth,married 40 years,heard every lie going,sleepless nights till they decide to come home,5 years ago diabetes got a worse and couldnt carry on like before,he couldnt burn the candle at both ends,weeks before he died he said i was the only one and he did really love me,i never replied to him,just turned away because i couldnt say the same
You have just saved my life just got divorced from a narcissist 4 years and been lost until I found you love you brother thank you so much you have saved me
I needed to hear this, I was raised in a narcissist family then married a narc for 17 years then I moved my narc mother in with me after that I fell in a deep depression. I became numb and couldn't understand why I couldn't please them.
I rarely watch a vid or tv show or movie more than once. I have watched this particular vid several times over the course of a year or more. Gives me a lot of peace to know whats coming at me.
The MOST maddening is being in a spiritual community with the NARC where they (including the teacher) all think he’ll change… I know the truth. I always felt like an experiment and now I know why. His rage-filled fits based on delusions were unreal…now I’m showing I’m healed, happy and grey rocking The Shit out of him I exposed him, said No, and said I was done, but he discarded me before I could discard him. Bummer. I did EMDR to heal from my time with him and got to root why I would pick such an asshole. It’s all childhood wounding Heal it and move ON I’m stronger and happier. Thanks for this video! Much love
Powerful truth...finally understand who I was married to for 18yrs...now divorced, no contact AT ALL via court order/divorce decree...moving on and healing - Thank you!!!
Thank you. This is exactly what we all need to hear. I remember the last narcissistic relationship I was in. I watched these videos for months. I was a puddle, a hot mess. This is different. It's only been a week since I woke up from his spell... again. I just needed to begin the letting go process. I feel amazing. And you're awesome!!!
You have helped so much. My favourite moment since he left 2 months ago was on my 40th birthday, he dropped the boys to me (they choose to spend most time here with me and my children) he kicked off and acted like a petulant teen, he didn’t care that the kids heard but he didn’t realise my best friend has come down to stay with us. He was so mortified she saw, that upon pick up, he spent over £100 on 40 red roses in the most ridiculous bouquet I’ve ever seen. My friend knows everything and rolled her eyes, my 12 year old daughter turned to me and said “love bombing much?” 😂 our chats during MAFS have paid off and she seems to have a narc-dar! Sad she has been caught up in all this but I’m glad she can see it
“Perverted symbiosis.” This makes so much sense. The most empowering thing in getting out of the dyad I was involved in was working to understand my own role in the mess, exploring my attachment style and the wounds that molded it, and figuring out why I stayed in the relationship for so long.
I think that's the key Joy. We have to understand the reasons for our own behavior and the trauma that we suffered that caused us to engage in and participate in that unhealthy behavior. Not enough knowing it though, you have to put in a concerted effort to heal and break that cycle. After 22 years in an abusive marriage and many subsequent failed relationships, I still struggle with it.
“ madness for two” 😂😂😂 Absolutely! And I was such an idiot, that I didn’t see how sick it all was for years. Once I stopped playing the game and learned how to not get sucked into the madness anymore, the look of panic on his face and his attempt at quickly trying other tactics was actually quite sad.
He almost succeeded. He knew I had CPTSD when we met. He used that against me, to convince me that I was the problem. I already knew most of my triggers, and he was warned about them. And those were what he fed. I already know what my problem is. He didn't. I know my strengths. He knows them too now. I told him I would leave if he ever tried to devalue or invalidate me again. And I did. Thank you, I am so grateful for this video.
Maybe you weren't becoming a narcissist maybe you were just regaining your own voice and all the years of abuse made you think that you were becoming a narcissist. Self love is not narcissism unless it's taken to extremes or at the expense of others.
OMG lightbulb moment at 4:04 - they attach to attention, not to love. They don't attach to a person, they attach to an audience member. This has just dissolved a major knot I had in trying to understand my relationship w a fragile narcissist. I love her, and she loves me. Why can't that love create the security for her to be as honest, defenseless and transparent as I am being? Now I realise - she doesn't love me or relate to me as a person. She is attached to me as an audience member, and her image is heavily invested in being perceived as a loving compassionate person. Sooooo confusing when I found her completely incapable to honest self reflection and empathy. So exhausting to try to build a relationship with someone who can't do those things. This video and all your material are really helping to dispel a lot of my confusion that had me unable to actually let go. This is helping me to trust myself. I still have a fear of abandoning the narcissists around me. I feel sorry for them. That's the next area of my own identity, psyche and emotional structure I'm going to look at, be with and heal. Thank you.
The vampire analogy was incredibly helpful. I haven’t left yet, but I have detached enough to understand that once I get out it’s not over. I’m waiting to finish school in 8 months. I’m so grateful for your videos and programs. It has helped so much. I prefer your straightforward approach. I’ve been lied to and tricked for so long that I’m desperate for truth!!!
It’s taken me years to get to my last video, but there was no other way to heal 26 year marriage with empty shelves. I was fooled under her cover of Christianity so I’m slow to recover, but I’m almost free.
This guy is a legend . Wanting us to heal so we can unsubscribe from all Narc channels and get on with life . True champion thank you mate
No worries here though. Enough narcs on earth to last until the last piece of ice melts on both poles
He is the best, I think!!
Richard you are a heavy and brilliant person to be able to explain this theory. Thank you 😊 love it!!
yes, Richie will ALWAYS be a LEGEND, A SUPER HERO in my book.. hmmmm spartan life coach.. SPARTACUS.. an old movie.. an early "super hero".
@@svetik1587 THE ULTIMATE
“I want you to heal, get better and unsubscribe” wow! Now that’s a person sharing info and genuinely helping/serving others. Thank you !!
❤
It's so heart warming and kind.
Selling Twitter is a start..... 🤣😅
Good work! Really appreciate it 😊
Are you the twitter bitcoin bro?
I can honestly say from past experience of being in a relationship with a toxic narcissist.... this guy KNOWS what he's talking about. Listen to him. He is speaking the truth.
Yes agree 100 %
These teachings Absolutely saved my life.
He explais narcissistic abuse for everyone to understand.And he lived it too.
"They made you feel special didn't they? And you felt special, didn't you?" me agreeing while sobbing and nodding my head uncontrollably 😭😭😂😂... Thanks for this, you're helping me confront some ugly truths
So true!
The sad thing is - I wasn’t the first, by a long way - and I won’t be the last.
Don t think for a minute that what you are going through is just your case. We are millions that almost went crazy because of these monsters. Be yourself, go to therapy regain your life and be sure that you are not alone. All the best wishes be strong.
Same head movement here! Still digesting this pure truth distilled with bitter empathy :"you're just a jacket. You're a shoes. I can't love a jacket." 😭😭😔😔 spent 10 years as a tool... So damaging ! But this feeling since we started talking about family, I sensed it ! Knew it ! After 2 years, f*******ck !!!!!!
1. Exposure
2. Defiance
3. Loss
4. Your healing (end of video bonus)
- Signed, your ADHD friend.
When I disagreed with something she said I got the "Reptillian Stare" How dare I challenge her. "No contact" works for me but unwitting enablers try to help me forgive her, make up and not be bitter towards her. I'm not bitter, I'm better.
But you are the other side of the coin
Thanx
It is rough 🤦🏻♂️😝
Thanks friend
"Attached to attention not love"...that was profound 🙌 Yes exactly!
Yep, wants an audience, not reciprocal love.
Because they are unable of unconditional love, yet in their delusions, they do believe they love and sacrifice for others, but they actually don't or only do it but then have to parade it in order to get admiration and gratefulness. They do not even mind getting admiration from children like grandchildren if they do not find any other supply source!
That sounds like the woman I liked. She stares at me and likes when I say hello but ask her to spend any additional time with me and the answer is no. It took a while but I figured her out. It's also called validation.
Its been 6 months and i feel so peaceful and joyful.. it's like waking up from a coma..
1. Exposure of True Self because false image is everything
2. Defiance because it leads to detachment if the false image holds no sway over you
3. Loss of Supply of the ones applauding their false image because they thrive off of attention rather than love since they opted for attention as a child when love was not supplied to them.
4… bonus near the end… stick around to hear it. 😉
“You can’t make a good deal with a bad person.”- Warren Buffett
Warren Buffett = bad person
Warren buffet is a criminal
@Twiggy EVEN SATAN KNOWS&BELIEVES THE BIBLE.
@Twiggy charities that he basically controls
Oooh that’s a good un
They fear your healing... Let them watch you heal.. smile and sour.
Thankyou i ll try my best
True its hard to cut off my mil . She's a covert narcasisst.
True! I can hear the disappointment in the voice of the female creature trying to harm me when she is told I am doing well, finding independence, getting on with my life. Vile, evil, individual she is as is her miserable spouse. They tear each other apart and so it’s obvious they get a jolly out of trying to hurt others. They know I am getting on with my life and they can’t stand it.
You got that right hun 👍
Spread our wings and fly!! Flex our heart, mind, soul muscles!! Reach out to others & show them understanding & compassion, so they too will overcome this situation!! 💫
One of the most " jaw dropping " experiences I've ever had was watching a different video on this subject. Less then ten minutes into the video it was describing half of my family perfectly. Reading the comments people were saying things that I had said and thought about my family for years. Watching that video it was like having a burden lifted that I had been carrying for 40 years.
Its amazing how many decades of damage these people can do, glad I have been learning up on this for the last few years, these people are all over.
Thank God the spell was broken! Now you can hopefully start your new life and be truly independent and happy! Just shut the door and don't look back, as Richard advises in the video.
Ok and what was the fckn video?
I'm getting my real estate license in another state and moving. My narc knows nothing of this. One day he will discover I am gone. But I have been working on healing. I've found Brainspotting to be very helpful. I plan, even at 51, to find love, real love. Thank You, God, for my future love.
All the best. I have to find a plan to get my narcissist out of my home
He may see this post... be careful sis🤩😍🥰
Every day of my life, my parents keep telling me that there's something seriously wrong with me. Once I stopped believing their bullshit, my mental health has improved.
I was told there was something wrong with me all the time- if I cried or was upset or angry or frustrated- as a child- sent to my room- silenced told to calm down or stay there- for hours, when i was a teenager they threatened to call the ambulance to take me away if i became upset- cried- expressed anger. I am still trying to figure out what is real. i isolate a lot and of course every relationship I found myself in I was fooled and blindsided when I figured out the extent of the deception- all cluster b's. Fun stuff.
My own mom told me once I was a narcissist..the funny thing is I’m an Empathy..crazy to think your own parents don’t see any good in you and instead only see bad shit they are projecting onto you
Hi everyone on this thread...im in my late 50s, my abusive covert narc mother is late 90s. She did to me all the things you guys wrote about, and then some...i finally went no contact with her 13 years ago, but i was already in my mid 40s...and i even broke it twice last year ( due to her ruses about " estate planning needs", etc), to disastrous effect. Two, approx 2 hr each mtgs, on her turf no less, took me weeks and months to recover from...
Trust me, even tho its ur parent, with all the guilt that comes with that, GO NO CONTACT WITH THEM and STAY NO CONTACT HARD CORE FOREVER.
They never, ever, ever change, they only GET WORSE
Its ur life vs theirs.
No contact. Its a lifesaver.
Disappointing hey when it’s your parents ? Mine weren’t narcissist just kicked me out a few times over the years when I did something wrong .🙄lol
Authentic, Concise, genuine, informative, and he realizes he is not trying to gain a audience and masses. But actually help. There's millions of people abused by narcassist. He is stop on
I was with a Narcissist for ten years. The abuse I got from her was horrific. Narcissists are pure evil. They should never have relationships...
so true
And they should never have children!
My ED is one. Sad but true.
@@SN-bl6xm my ex fiance has a 23 year old daughter & heavily controlled by her mother...
@@gtporschers my mother is a psychopath. She tries to control my siblings and me. And she is the most evil person I have ever met. I don't let her control me anymore and now she is trying to ruin my life. I lost lots of money because of her, I lost my friends because of her and I am dealing with health issues because of the mental abuse. But, I won't let her win!
Fortunately I am a fighter like my dad. I am trying to heal and stay away from narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths!
The minute you said “ they fear that you’re healing. “ Hit me! Like a massive brick... As the last conversation I had with my ex he said to me “ The therapy that you’re in, really isn’t helping you at all. “ - Making me feel like I’m doing a shitty job at healing myself.. Grrr!! I’ve been 4 weeks NC and man it’s a struggle but I’m learning to do all the things that he said I couldn’t do like a pro!
So much wisdom in such a short period of time.
I have been a you tube narcissist recovery junkiefor 3 years.
This video has helped me more than any others. I see my part in it all.....just as responsible as the narc.
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
I advise others to accept half the responsibility, if only for the 'showing up part'.
Meeee too!
Not *just as responsible* in my opinion
a person with morals and compassion is not responsible for narcissistic abuse. get a grip
you weren't at fault
I almost cry when he said,”I’m sorry you are here “!.
Same.
We all go through seasons, in order to heal as much as possible, we must deal & unfortunately go through our suffering to detox all that toxicity, awareness reflections accountability ~ evolve, growth, bloom, blossom, GlowUp!! Live your own best life. I teach my young daughters how to release/let go ASAP, only need 1-3 errors /patterns- let go. There’s billions of ppl to meet live live a good life woth, find ppl woth souls good souls, truth in Treatment, no such thing as one soul mate🚫
I did... 😔❤️
Wow💔
He is so genuine and honest. I can see deep inside his eyes, there’s a scar on his heart which he successful healed and he wants to save others from the hurt. He is wise and handsome too
They keep calling me a ho,too and treated me like one
I concur ☺️
I, too see the same thing in his eyes. God bless him all who are here!
@Ralph craig Horne ????
Agreed. And yes he is definitely handsome. It's a side note, but he also speaks Russian. 🥰
This is what I always tell people that I manage at work. “Your goal should be to be so good at what you do that you work yourself out of a job.” Great mentality.
I have been swallowing my bitter medicine. The narcs in my life have been there since before I was born. I was taught to respect them. I married into their family. I believed them and became one of their flying monkeys. I finally woke up and found out that they were narcissist. The overt one passed away, and I am dealing with the covert one. My husband can not receive the fact that they are what they are. Now, I am trying to find my authentic self again. I made amends with their previous discarded victims to the best of my ability and have minimal contact with them. I have not been perfect in my strategic withdrawal, but I am learning from my mistakes and grounding myself in prayer and praise to lift my vibrations. Forgiving them is for myself, not them. No bitterness, no revenge, entrust myself to the Almighty that His justice may prevail.
Don't forget that narcissist fear can also become rage.
Lily Wolfstar Narcissistic Rage is born of Injury, not Fear .
They are cowards. When fearful they flee.
@@RICHARDGRANNON Yes it is! And My anger, came after, totally starting to understand, what I had been fostered into, and believed and lived through. Those used to me being too nice, only, they got afraid of me. And even I got afraid of myself, sometimes, cause I couldnt understand where all that anger came from. I know now, its all that buttled up, stuff, which at last came out. And thats, Healing, all the sorrows. They all, fled very quickly when I saw through their games, and my own courage broke through.
That's all I saw when she was confronted with her infidelity. Complete rage. The only reaction I was used to seeing in people was remorse not rage. It scared me. In those moments she was capable of anything. Yet I was the mentally unstable one. I still am. In the narc narrative. I needed to hear these truths no matter how hard they are.
Yes just anxiety and then anger. Weirdest thing I ever witnessed too. I was soon after in the wrong she tried to change the narrative to me being abusive when I never was. Who knows the truth because the unmentioned is if they believe their own lies or if they are fully delusional. Also how the patterns of their behavior are ingrained. That would indicate a range of what is going on. We all have these thoughts at some point in our lives to narcissism its whether we identify they are wrong and or not a pattern. It would appear Richard Grannon's ex and most are full spectrum with no hope. (Believing their altered realities) NPD is where I am going with that. I would not call it a recovery but more a progression of wanting to better themselves with some changes. Unfortunately it normally happens when there is no supply to be found and they are faced with their realities one day. There is definitely some people who will change over time though to some degree unfortunately not in the ways we would hope or like for the most part.
Yeah but I should be able to also terrify them. Because you have a way out.
They are constantly comparing themselves to others. No wonder they are so consumed with Jealousy/Envy.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra I find I do this myself. But I’m aware of it and it doesn’t feel right while I’m doing it. I feel best when I’m not. I put it down to a slight lack of self esteem. At least I’m aware of it and can try and phase it out I suppose 🙏🏻
@@BrianVanClough
Yeah
thus, you are not a narc. At least in the destructive since of the word! 🦋
I tell myself that I don't need anyone else's approval, that I can deal with myself and be proud of the things I've done without the acknowledgement of others.
This, as I've discovered this past month, is a lie. True, I've had glimpses of the truth that I cannot be happy without the praise of others, but I am always successful in suppressing it.
Now, I can deny it no longer. When I am criticised, I retreat in shame, never to look at that person the same way again. When I am thanked, it is never enough - I demand greater tribute for my efforts than a mere polite gesture, and I feel mocked by niceties.
I feel no guilt, gratitude, or true love for others, regardless of closeness. I swear I am in love with another, only to discover it is the same lust I would have for a material possession. Contrary to popular belief, I do understand, from an academic standpoint, that I am responsible for my actions... yet I will never truly _feel_ at fault for anything unless it is of direct consequence to me.
Sincerely (as sincere as one of us can be), a Cerebral Narcissist.
Coming from a comparatively poor background (my definition: yrs periods of no food in fridge in first world country) I do that all the time, while working for rich twats who (however aside from being genuinely nice people) seem to enjoy the good life with 3 holidays per year with their family. It's a mechanism built into my brain. But it's the same mechanism now making me go after the money as never before. So what's ''bad''??
That's a condition of ruminating from early on, in my case.
@H D Or "I know well who I am and need to be bought by others".
They know they are minus infinite. They compare to others to see how high they have to step up with their show.
Thank you. As a healed person, this guy speaks honestly. For those who are still trappped, look deep inside yourself and break free. You are stronger than you think.
Narrissists are evil cowards , God bless any of us who's had to deal and have to deal with such jealous muilitive demons ,may the bad they wish on us not leave them in good Gods name 🙏❤️
I've questioned my own sanity for a long time. Didn't know I was dealing with a narcissist
i know how that feels
I understand as well
I didn't spot it either. I'd lived with a grandiose obvious Narcissist years ago and did NOT see that my husband was a covert, vulnerable type of Narcissist. Didn't know there was such a thing - that they could be insecure and not have a loud huge ego. And do immense damage. My psychiatrist who helped me after I finally broke down told me that the fear and confusion can make you break down. 😥 True. He was the WORST because the emotional and psychological battering was worse than the first man who actually did confine me to the house. Turns out you're not crazy at all. You are being gaslit about the abuse itself if you try to call them on it. It just goes in circles of trauma bonding. No, you're not crazy but yes, they can damage your mind not just your self esteem. I wish you freedom, love and the respect that you deserve 🌿🙏✨
Understand to the fullest
Me too
"If you want to see if someone is a narcissist tell them no. Watch what happens".
You said that in the past, Richard and it is such a true narcissist test.
-
Or ask them how they can improve themselves. Most will say nothing bc they believe they’re perfect . My last benign narcissist answered by saying 2 more inches 😏🤦🏼♀️
@@carolinelaronda4523 They need to believe they are perfect. Even thow they know they are not. For them to fully aware that is the trigger for suicide.
Yeh my own younger son is like that I can’t say no to him throws a fit makes holes in the wall
Yeah...I got 11 days of a mid- 30's man baby tantruming about having a budget to buy a car. 11 goddamn DAYS. That's when I started recording.
This is the first time I haven't watched a narcissist video and gone away feeling like a narcissist myself.. thank you for validating that Im not crazy, I have adopted these traits, and I can change. This gave me hope 🌞
If you can truly evaluate yourself and your situation without being a victim, you are on the right path!
Look up the term narcissistic fleas, like Rich said, I became someone I no longer recognized.
In my experience, if you are around a narcissist, they can and will make you believe you are the true narcissist): don’t fall for it. “If you feel confused, you’re being abused.”
I believe it's real and true and spiritually dark. Jesus helped me with his light and I believe it's the only way. Love 💖 god!
Amen
If they were genuine, they wouldn’t fear exposure.
Spot on👍🏼
That's the failed logic they have. If they're perfect as they think, there's nothing to expose. When they're not perfect then saying they aren't is not an exposure.
But that's one thing they fear: be a normal person with pros and cons like everyone else. And being reminded of that feels like an existential threat to them.
Please watch the documentary called out of shadows
I like to think of it instead as them being genuinely, authentically awful.
They hide when up to something but are all up on the scene at all other times.
It's sad when you have children with a narc😕😕
I know!!! You feel like you will never escape 😢
Exactly, happened to me right now. How to leave this bulshit marriage? So tiring, wasteful of time
@@yt1_reyalp571 I just want to be free and enjoy my life.
Or when your adult child is one....
How does one try to make your kids not turn into a narc? Empathy for is very important, I feel any human being should have empathy. How do I teach my kids to have that?
Don't let them win!!! "Your win is to stop watching these videos and go and get on with your life"
We are worth healing and not being someone's supply!!
OMG !!! Sitting here realizing I've been infected with her insanity!!! All the while, trying to understand what is wrong with me?? He is so RIGHT !! Thank God for these videos and my therapist.
Anytime they say anything, tell them “ a friend of mine says your wrong” drives them nuts.
That's a good one im going to say that to mil haha
Yes! Third party validation!
It works
Sounds like my narcissists husband! Fight fire with fire🔥 👍🏽
Will try that😁
It wasn't love, it was a series of micro-assaults.
totally
Such a powerful sentence
M Robin word. Like when they know you are not fond of cheesecake, so they make you cheesecake and everyone thinks you suck because you are sad about it.
M Robin gratitude is everything!! ❤️
I'm going on 16 years now ;)
"Micro-assults"
Bingo
+1
This man is incredibly beautiful inside-out. His humility and no-nonsense personality are just...GOLD.
Thank you for this video!
My ex husband after we separated would say things to me like 'I never talk to anyone or say anything bad to my family members about you'
It occurred to me he wasn't saying that out of respect. He was saying that bc he didn't want me going to my close loved ones saying anything about him. I discovered years later that he was a narcissist. He also would say things like I'm so proud of you...you are such a good mother to our daughter. I appreciate it so much. I found out years later that he was all along abusing our daughter with narcissistic emotional manipulation. She had gone to a therapist as an adult and discovered her dad basically messed her up. I was so angry and depressed and devastated that I didn't know this was going on. She had been suicidal which was the most horrible thing I personally ever experienced in my life. The helplessness I felt. The guilt that I didn't know narcissists even was a thing. I hadn't even known about PTSD until a decade after I left a horrible abusive situation in my childhood thru my 20s.
The one thing about narcs is that their language is ALWAYS the lie! And they can look you in the eye, in total innocence, and lie black is white. Don't feel guilty: nobody realises what narcissism even is until they've been 'infected' and experience the sickening and blinding control of it. As my doctor told me, once you've been a victim or target, you'll be able to see any other narc coming from 30 feet away - thankfully, he was right! It takes a little while but then all of a sudden the abuse or the lies or the manipulation becomes evident. Covert narcs are the worst and most dangerous and unfortunately there seems to be an absolute explosion of them worldwide.
I'm a daughter of narc dad , he made me do all my mom should do , except sex . He made my mom the bad one , she gave up . He took me . Then I married one . 25 yrs of she doesn't get to be happy
No one has ever looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry this happened to you," in the three years since I left my 22 year marriage. His gaslighting and psychological abuse built up so subtly I felt like the frog in a pot of I didn't realize the relationship was abusive until EIGHTTEEN YEARS INTO THE MARRIAGE, when following his affair I began doing what I wanted and needed for myself, and sticking up for myself when he spoke to me in a manner I didn't like, and then he played the wounded victim role, claiming I was mean to him and didn't like him because I was always telling him what to do and say now.
Thank you. I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear someone - anyone - say those exact words to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Sounds just like my ex of 2 years. Same behaviours.. I just don’t know about cheating because he had insecurities about his region down south, but hey they need constant validation, so who knows?
I'm 18yrs into relationship now.
I am sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too
No-one said I am sorry that happened to you to me either and it made me feel invisible. I am a mental health counselor and the real healing comes from everyone around us caring and being empathic. Find a group or a GOOD therapist. I ❤ care
@@helenowen9305 run like hell
NO CONTACT. Sounds exactly like my ex bf
Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing
Yes. I am and was an open book. He was as dark as an abyss, that was hidden by a woven web of lies until I unpicked one gosamer thread...and then it all began to unravel. The spider...oh, how he rages, but I am safe in the light!
Yep. Worked on teams where everything was upfront and was always informed. If information is hard to get, someone is stealing more than their share.
Exactly! Ive made it clear I despise liars and I will not stand to be accused of lieing....and what does my narc friend start to do? Blatantly lie to me for no reason about things which have no affect on me whatsoever. And that was my wake up call to analyze how she's been blatantly mistreating me all along, which I pushed off as emotional responses to life not personal. Well it is personal, and I have healed from many narcs I've had use me as a supply, and I'm not going to participate in a friendship just because I fear a smear campaign or other reactions. Today is the day I stop fearing reactions. I'm so over the abuse, I'm no victim and I won't live as such.
I agree. I exposed my wife with all kinds of proof in body language, verbal analysis, physical evidence but still denies cheating 7 times. A narcissistic on the next level. I ask her to take a lie detector test & allow me to retrieve info from her phone. Refused the polygraph & said she would destroy her phone before I see it, hmm. Any thoughts out there?
OMG. "that's the nature of infection..." Thank you, Richard. This is so generous of you to tell empaths like it is. May you be blessed for your wisdom and heart. I realized my pursuit of education, and "understanding" of narcissism is a coping mechanism. Yup. It is time to seek my authenticity, which includes C-PTSD.🙏❤
Leaving a covert or fragile narcissist is incredibly hard if the narcissist is a mother or older sister. My aunt could never get out from under my covert NPD mother’s “Black Magic” spell. She lost all of her identity and told herself that she had “dealt with her issues with her” and had “forgiven her.” She believed this delusional thinking my mother force fed her and continued daily contact. My aunt died suddenly from a rare cancer as if her only way out from under her spell was death. I’ve cut contact completely with my NPD mother years ago. I have experienced & seen how deadly it is to stay in contact with someone with NPD who refuses help.
Thinking back I feel like for years I've been the Narc's enabler, justifying his strange and disrespectful behaviors in front of others.
Today is a new day! Richard has a free download about emotional flashbacks! It helped *me* so much! For so many years it was as if i was watching myself freeze and automatically cover for them.. I promise you this will get better as you *see* through it all. You are SO very valuable!!! ❤
@edcrobert T exactly! I froze..i acted as if it *was* ok and(please get this) it was automatic! I did it and covered for my asshole brother just two weeks ago! Nauseated myself when i realized it..
@@liznorth4028 My narc is my older brother, too, and I completely understand. I remember, before I finally pieced together what was happening and that it was a pattern, feeling so, so relieved during family get-togethers when HE would act as though he hadn't said or written hateful, demeaning, blaming things to me just days or weeks before. I was actually giddy with relief and happiness that we were "back to normal" as if I had been the aggressor!
To complicate things, he spends a lot of time "helping" our widowed mom. It wasn't until I realized she was perfectly fine with his conduct, and even joined in (if he was present), that I started looking for answers. The final straw was Mom "forgetting" to invite me and my family on the annual family vacation until just days before the rest of them left to fly together to another state. It was one of the most surreal experiences, realizing that she and narc bro had planned the whole trip and included our other brother and his family - purchased plane tickets, VRBO lodging for all 8 of them, and made other plans, and just "forgot" to include us. The thing I'll never forget is Mom telling me as I left her house how wonderful the plans were, especially the lodging, and that she really hoped we'd be able to come. Crazy-making in the extreme because she raised me to know that you need to plan things, like invitations, well in advance to have a successful event, but the "invite" gave my family of 4 working adults less than a week to make work and travel arrangements. It still took me a couple of days to realize that there was no explanation other than that we simply weren't invited, and that she had just accidentally mentioned the trip while my husband, daughter and I were visiting her.
That was my "I'm done, but wtf is this?!" moment. I got into counseling, which has helped me recognize this has actually been a lifelong pattern of Mom constantly normalizing and enabling narc bro's abuse of me, including physical and sexual abuse when I was a child. He uses her as an excuse to verbally abuse me as an adult, accusing me of exploiting, neglecting or alternately being too involved in her life (?!!), but somehow I imagined that she would take my side if she knew. I've never mentioned his adult abusive outbursts because I learned as a child that it would just make her sad and "disappointed" in me for not "understanding that's just how he is." Turns out that she's known about the adult incidents all along and was uncomfortable with the idea of having both of us on the vacation. My family and I were the expendables.
Once I got over the shock of realizing that is a pattern, and always has been, I set extremely rigid boundaries with her and have gone no contact with him.
I do not discuss him with Mom at all, but she tries to get me to like it's her job. It still shocks me to realize how easily I was led into that trap every. single. time. Now, I just change the subject without saying anything at all - she tries a few more times and then gives up. I also don't give her any personal information about myself or anybody in my family. Everything we talk about is 100% superficial current events and I'm still able to make sure she's doing o.k., doesn't need anything, etc. It's been working pretty well for about a year now.
@@eurokay4755 Similar situation. Golden child brother who is abusive to me, because that was how our family always worked - I've been the family dustbin since 40 years ago when we all lived together. I can't complain to our mother because she would get a kick out of that; it would be tantamount to him having declared he's taken her side. Stay grey rock with your mother. Not only should you not go on holiday with those people, you should think about avoiding family events. I haven't for 10 years and my lot have decided it's because I am mentally ill. However, they've rejected family therapy because they "wouldn't go to therapy with someone as sick as that". That's a direct quote from Mummy.
Same, sadly -- and their partner in crime at times
I’m watching every video on Narcissism just to prepare my plan for my escape 😂. Since the moment I wrote down my plan, I’ve been feeling like a huge weight had been lifted. It’s a sense of relief I never had.
How'd you go?
Good luck❤
You go girl
Hey guys, just a bit of an update on how I am doing. Things have been good for me, I had bad days, but I also had good days. I’m far far away from home and not planning to go back anytime soon. So I’m going to share about what has helped me recover and grow so far, and I really hope it can be helpful for you too. Here comes a wall of text.
First and foremost, please go somewhere, very far from home, if you grow up in an unhealthy household like I did. Grasp every chance, find any way you can, to just get away. This can instantly clear up your mind and give you a head start.
But don’t think you’re out of the narc’s reach yet, they have made big impacts on your life so it takes a while. You can start setting small boundaries over time with your narcs, so they don’t feel like you’re getting out of their control and cause even more problems to you. Just don’t suddenly flip, keep your cool and gradually pull yourself away from all that toxicity. You want to deal with less, not more.
Once you got away, it is important to focus on yourself, make up all the time you spent neglecting yourself. Take time to let all that grief and resentment to unfold, and they will resolve themselves after a while. One of the things that worked for me was trying to make meaningful connections with emotionally healthy people and people who grew up in a functional family. Try to learn from them, how they treat others, how they process their emotions, how they handle conflicts, etc. Overall just learn how a healthy person and a healthy relationship looks like, which most of us just don’t know.
Next thing is to get help when you need it. Try counselling, if you can’t afford it and you’re in school, maybe your school can offer some counselling, so try to look for it. When things get hard, talk to your trusted friends, vent about it with strangers maybe. Just please don’t isolate yourself, it is not embarrassing to address your feelings like the narcs made you feel it is.
Last thing I would advise you guys to do is to get out there and communicate as much as possible, even with people you disagree with. Because when you grow up around narcissists, you will probably suck at communicating. You may be nasty with people who you disagree with without even knowing, or you can be really self conscious and not communicate at all which will lead to miscommunication. I pushed myself to do this and it helped me learn how to agree to disagree, how to respect people, and how to retain relationships.
It might be really hard for you now, with all that’s happening in the world. But it gets better, so hang on there. Wish you guys the best recovery and growth.
Good for you, sincerely!!! 🐹
Most powerful point…the things that person did to you when they were mean, is who that person is.
When I realised I hadn't watched your videos in a good month I decided I was healed ... Six years no contact later I'm glad to be back ❤ You trying to tell people to stop watching is hilarious but true 😂❤
Most of my friendships. Quite selective now.
Exactly! We're courageous.
We draw these people to us because we are so good and dont have boundaries. Boundaries keep the crazies away.
WELL DONE Yvette....shoot them out of your life one by one..by one.
SNAKES one and all...as you observe them skin-shedding right in front of you.
Easy to spot'em once you know how...then they are blindingly obvious.
I met one recently at a bus-stop...she got twenty-odd ODD questions in before i had really spoken..i found saying YES...and NO constantly drove her onwards and onwards until she eventually came out with "You're not very talkative are you...not much of a conversationalist, eh?".....
ME: "So, are we done here???.....mmmmm....ohhhh loook...here's my bus...fancy that...what a great service buses are".
THIS FELT LIKE A CONVERSATION WITH A ROBOT......she lives opposite a HOSPITAL....i picked up on that gem straight away...and the fact that she stared right through me in a really creepy way..TWICE.
Yeah they never shut up. Ever.
It’s tough. We all need friends
Can we all appreciate the fact that this man is making analogies with vampires and golems?
These analogies are how our ancestors dealt the fallible human condition. These kinds of stories were their "therapy" sessions that helped them understand what was happening to them, before the scientism of psychiatry displaced them. The mythology traditions that vampirism and golems fit under go back >5,000 yrs. Really good treatment of this stuff can be read in Laurence Gardner's books.
Yes . brother k.n. SUCK my joy 64 yrs
He is aware that is why. Amazingly insightful post on so many levels of consciousness.
MY golem tried to kill me. Then Jesus Christ was there and it was over.
Absolutely, the behaviour of a Narcasist is demonic, they all behave the same way
I cannot recall hearing anyone break down the narcissistic personality so clearly.OMG. God give us the strength to say and stand by our no's.....to stand by our boundaries, to exit and never look back. 😓
If narcissists fear healing, then you're their worst nightmare. I need to heal, but I also hope to be able to help others in a way similar to what you do, although on a more casual scale. You're inspiring. Ideally, together we'd all create a society in which they can't find any victims at all.
I said NO and got DISCARDED.
Lucky you. And of course, congratulations!
Congratulation 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
At first it hurts and then you're like, "omg thank you".
Well... this is how I see it... you saved yourself a lot of emotional damage!!!Although it hurts now, one day you will thank heavens that you got out. You now have the freedom to meet someone that will respect you. You should be proud of yourself for holding your boundary!
behind-blue-eyes I said no to mines because I was going out with my girlfriend to have dinner and he discarded me on valentine day 😂 but he didn’t know I have a dismissive attitude .
Be careful. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a person getting away from someone who is losing control and has nothing to lose. Don't tell them. Get a plan and just leave.
Yes ! You are right ! Just ask Nichole Brown Simpson, oh that's right, you can't, she's dead .
Everyone speaks of getting a “plan”.. what is that? Where can I buy one? Really what does it mean?
Your videos will now be on repeat play, so I will never forget. I will never forget that I am stronger than his madness and manipulation. Every time I think of his ‘good qualities’ I will watch these videos. Nothing is worth the little crumbs I would get from him.
you hurt me. make me cry hard now . you hit me when you said he didnt love me like his jacket. he only needs to keep him warm :(
"You have no power over me." The Labyrinth.
🖤
?
Another thing is. They will use your hope for "changing them" against you. And just use your willingness to fight for the relationship.
I want to share some tidbits of the last narcissist I dated in case it helps anyone. He’s a classic narcissist with a flare for “The Secret” and “manifestations” and your thoughts becoming your reality. So when I brought up any issue that seemed to be a red flag, it was because “I brought it upon myself with my thoughts” or some other nonsense.
(Disclaimer: I think positive thoughts and energy are great. This is purely related to a narcissist and his attempts to gain financially from me and whatever else he had in mind. )
These are very dangerous people. Stay away. You should be able to see a red flag when you make a normal joke that anyone laughs at or if you say something referring to yourself, the narcissist will take it personally; everything is about them.
Their voice changes and speed with which they speak increases with mask on or off or in certain social situations. Every situation is attempted to be spinned to their gain.
They often have financial difficulties. They’ll probably hint at you helping them and feel entitled to other people’s money, like their parents. The feelings of entitlement are real.
They’ll make soulmate claims and talk about the future quickly. Lovebombing. You’ll feel uneasy. Trust your gut. They want to sweep you off your feet so you ignore the red flags.
They will attempt to find codependent people or see you frequently right away, like spending every night together.
They are very insecure about your past relationships. They are worried you found other lovers better than the narcissist.
If someone is performing on a stage or a class is being conducted, the narcissist will do something to get attention. They dislike when others are receiving attention.
They will pretend to be a victim with hurt feelings when they do something “wrong” to you. They really dislike when you have emotional poise and the wherewithal to make good decisions.
You’ll find that they have odd interactions with others. Like a business associate - there’s a quarrel and the relationship doesn’t work out. They attempt a smear campaign to anyone who will listen.
Something seems off about normal everyday interactions that the narcissist gets upset by. They might get upset about a dream you had. Something you can’t control and doesn’t affect the narcissist in any ostensible way. But their ego is very strong. They can’t hide it all the time. Their insecurity drives almost every interaction and thought they have. They are incapable of good intentions; life is never about helping others or being a genuine person - it’s about money and attention/fame.
This is all gathered from two and a half months. 😂 and watching videos and being like “yes, this exactly.” There’s so much more I could say. But please follow that voice in your head. If you don’t want the same relationship you have with a narcissist for your mother or your child, then don’t accept it for yourself. 💕
If anyone wants to know what happened, I pointed out to the narcissist that I felt they were a liar, love bomber, and a narcissist. They got up and said “I’m done. Nice meeting you.” I was their “soulmate” the day prior.
....Oh, I don’t believe in soulmates by the way. That was a big problem.
Anyway I was like okay, see yourself out. Person tried to come back and be like “this doesn’t have to be abrupt”. I blocked. The end. I’m so glad I could see what was happening.
CJA32able - well written... & well done You! 👏👏👏👍 Every word: true.
Very true. Can anyone best this ....when i met the narc he said his father is dead. Sometime later he went missing for a few days. Could not find him. Phone off. I visited his work place. Where is he ....they told me he went to his fathers funeral and had the proof of the time and place. Helllooo. Lets go.😂
I had to go no contact with an ex friend who I’ve known since early childhood (over 40 years). Behaviour was tolerated till it became clear he’s a narc. I thought of saying to him: you’re arrogant. you’re domineering. you’re boastful. you’re manipulative. you’re derisive. And I could just see his face breaking into that child like sneer they have when full of joy. NO CONTACT for three years now. It’s the only way. All the best folks. They’re bad, bad people.
That "pain" you feel later, when you realize that it wasn't love is really horrible. I'm years past that now, and I am ready to move on. I've loved watching your videos, and hated them. I've had a love, hate with your truth that you give. Truth hurts, it's a hard pill. Hope we all find the courage to love again, to let someone in where potentially they can hurt us, but "Love" is worth it. It is the ultimate if your lucky enough to meet the right person.
The pain of realisation is soul destroying. To finally understand why you never felt it was a normal relationship is a relief but also a devestation of all you believed in.
Well said. 👍❣
Pain might get even more severe when you actually find someone who truly loves and respects you. What I mean? For me, it was the moment, when I realised how much b*ll*hit I was willing to handle before, just to feel "loved". It still scares me as *ell.
@@lostintranslation3367 I don't think I can feel love anymore. I've tried but nothing. Maybe I haven't met the right one or maybe I'm broken
@@hassanchop3622 I still feel love for my dog and my son but I did lose a lot of my self love. I am working on going back to being happy being me. Of course back then I was also staying within my boundaries.
We also have to accept the fact that no one has ever kept all of their own standards (I am a Christian so I must add except Jesus) and you have to forgive yourself. Even Jesus forgives us when we do feel remorse and try to stop. The ticket is never, ever give up. Rewiring our brain takes time, the right diet, exercise (all body maintenance), and I recommend the courses on Richard's website.
You’re just the customer service department. When you no longer put up with the premise of the “customer is always right” that’s when the degrade, devalue, and discard happens.
truth!
😆
My win is the lawsuit I'm sticking my narc with. I am still gobsmacked how this narcissism bit has a cycle and a checklist. I just kept checking off the boxes in sequential order! (Love bombing, the 'ole bait and switch, gaslighting, silent treatment, projection, lies, temper tantrum, shaming, discard, smear campaign). Fear #1: I exposed his cheap (and very obvious) nose job and shamed him right back! Fear #2 My "NO!" was like a tiger's growl (I didn't even know I had it in me to do that!) Fear #3 Loss (he knew it was over and prepped for the discard while grooming another). This really is an infectious poison I knew nothing about! 3 years of racking my brain over this. I'm almost healed and will undoubtedly win in court but, man, what a chapter of my life. It came at me like a left curve ball. I thought narcissism was just this buzz word for arrogant people. It is so much more. Next time I see it coming on, I'm running for the hills! Good luck to all victims and survivors. You WILL move beyond this in time.
Everything I needed to hear. Stop wasting time searching for hope. Learn the hard truth and move on. Thank you.
The three things the narcissist fears the most: 1. Exposure 2. Defiance 3. Loss. But hang on, the bonus 4th tucked in this post is the awesome climax. 1-2-3-4 -way to go :-)
I thought I could heal while still being in low contact with one of the better narcassists In my family, then the other day I was guilted and shamed for not speaking to my mother. So I had to go no contact with her as well. I'm done with the lot!! It ruined the peace I had built up!
I have also done that; it had been years and the person was not directly involved in the abuse, but what a mistake. She was actually taking info from me and feeding it to the parasites. The day I realized what was happening I removed contact, pictures of her and her kids, gifts she had sent when hoovering for the crazies. Done. Sad but necessary. Was re-entering the black hole of wtf
Km 333 keep up the strong work!! I have been no contact with my mom. But anyone who guilts me about not talking to her. They have to go! I have no room for manipulation and guilt. It's so toxic!! Poison has to go!!!
Its a verry small world. When you are in it you think its all there is. Just hold on and be open again for new experiences that will expand your world. It will show you how sad their life really is.
Until you realise, and see with your own eyes, and feel in your bones and cells, that you are peace and light itself. And that you always were.
Not special, not better than others.
rebuke that belief.. your peace doesn't have to depend on them.. protect your peace like it's your child.. tell them, "Your opinion is not my problem!" they're causing you disturbance, you cut them off, you get even more peace than before.. ok? I hope this helps xoxo
Last year my narc step dad was caught in the act by my wife for the first time, she has been through shit of her own so she wasnt about to put up with it. We called him out right away for being abuse and raging on us for driving him to the airport and paying $2 tolls with our own money. She had never seen someone so angry in her life and that was all I needed to hear. We packed up our stuff, I tried explaining to him one last time that he has baby, daddy issues and needs a therapist or he will never have a normal life. We left him there and said the only way we could see my mother is without him, so she made him drop her off at our place for a week and he had to hang out in Florida and act like he was cool. It was hilarious and sad all at the same time. Mom just told me I cant come home for the first time and I understand that he has banned me from ever going to his home for humiliating him on his vacation in Florida. Luckily for me, going to their home and spending time is the last thing I want to do. My wife and I agreed to go no contact and blocked them in every way possible. I already know I have been disowned for decades so now is just waiting for them to pass away and meet God for the first time.
LOL...my ex told me on countless occassion - "You are too broken." I went into therapy, not him, which led to my freedom, thank god! This video has been a life changing moment!
Thanks for going to the dark side to rescue us. Eternally grateful.
Yes!!!!! Tier comment made me tear up! I feel rescued today by Richard!
I think this is the only CZcams Channel where he actually wants to lose subs instead of gaining them and that's a beautiful thing.
You hit the nail on the head. I asked for closure and he said he couldn't give me that cause seasons change. He cheated on me with 2 girls in 3 months, I was with him 12 years. I exposed him and gave him closure. He got mad, told me I was crazy and to lose his number. I DID! iim educating myself, and listen to the song sweet freedom by Michael McDonald. It gives me hope!! Thank you, and best wishes to all that are here!
TRUTH 💯 WE are done with the narcissist try to destroy everyone including their own children..RUN and DONE see them coming a mile away
Richard, here is a quote I developed in my recovery.
"If you don't go to the truth, the truth will go to you"
The day had come when I no longer had the energy to respond/react and I found myself just observing his Song and dance. I later learned I had unintentional gone *grey rock* (if that's possible. Maybe I was just defeated) At this particular moment he was in a high, practically doing cart-wheels for me and everyone in the room. He sat down beside me and with a pouty voice and look he says "why are you so disenchanted with me?"... I asked him what he said and he repeated " it's as though you are disenchanted with me" it was at that very second I saw the sick "enchantment" or dark spell I had been under for 20 years. And he had the awareness that it had broken... It took months after this but I am out
damn 20 years
So happy you are out so happy. You are smart to leave so smart
Freeeeee 😊
Holy moly!,,,
Damn thirty years but hey we have the rest of our lives. There ain’t no stopping us now.
They loved you like they love a warm jacket, nothing more and seasons change. They can get a new jacket....brilliant analogy! Thank you for this video!
Yep, this guy knows exactly what he's talking about. Use this information to change your behavior if you are dealing with a narcissist. Once you let go of needing validation from them and really believe what Richard is telling you, it's very freeing! Seeking validation and/or closure from a narcissist is a horrible cage we put ourselves in!
Or trying to change them.
No contact is also very helpful. Mine was a stalker and everytime my healing would begin I would get an unexpected, uninvited, intrusive visit-some overt some covert. I finally moved so I can fully heal. This prevented me from moving and being able to date in a healthy way. Then it turns out I attract more of the same. I know I am not fully healed. That is my goal! Before I get into any otheer relationship. It is noteworthy, that often Empaths like me, have also little friend/family support when we leave the Narc as we do attract "vampires" even in friends and we tend to have Narcs or other PDs in our family of origin. But I am happier now with little support and very few friends than with the Narc!! 💙
So proud of you
,so get where you are at
That's exactly how I felt. Wow..great analogy...i literally woke up one morning and said I had enough of this bullshit. Like I woke up from this dark slumber...enchantment...I went zero to 100% . He was super confused..he knew before i uttered a word. He just read my demeanor..he tried to hook me again and nothing worked till I told him to pack and bounce out! 3 solid years of no contact. This all happened cold turkery I snapped I had enough I went supernova mode for 1 yr until my divorce finalized. Thank god
😲 Me Too! I woke up one morning & said the exact same thing, packed his belongings up around him as he slept, woke him up & said you've got to go! 10 yrs I was Done! Stupidly I accepted a ring several years before but I knew I couldn't go through with it it was a trap & a train wreck going nowhere! Best decisions of my Life! Over 2 yrs No Contact
You don’t have to utter a word. Narcs know when you’ve had enough because they’re on the defense, always watching you and waiting to see if you are still on their side.
Good for YOU!!
Me too - my empathy just stopped when I realised I am becoming just like him by shouting abuse back and trying to justify myself.
@@julialindur8686 That is where I am now. He feels I don't give as much as before and that I conter his accusations. He became more silent immediately ,tried still to hoover me back in ,but he noticed that I'm not that easy to get back anymore - wish me luck.
making my self accountable for my own part in the abuse has been very empowering. Thanks Richard!
exactly..we have to admit our responsability.
Richard I forgot why I totally adore you. I will watch this just 3 more months and say goodbye to you :)
Sorry pal, I've been watching you for 4 years and will continue to watch your videos. You are a source of inspiration and a defining part of my life. You keep me aware of reality and level headed. So thank you sir. Be well.
Hassan Chop
Well put! 👌🏻
Aw that's a nice comment :)
Amen...!!!!!❤️😊❤️
1 year with a narcissist was enough! I can’t imagine people staying years! I would live under a bridge before staying with one! Just a jacket 🧥
You think you won't until you do. Some are that sneaky
Don't judge, you aren't as special as your trying to sound by putting others down.
@@victoriamincel7977 You sound triggered. Don't take what they said personal, everyone experience is going to be different. Some people didn't put up with the abuse that long for various reasons. The same as people who did stay longer than they should. As long as you do the self work and focus on you, you won't get offended at someone else's experience. We all need work some more than others, if you need more it's ok. I use to be jealous and felt bad because I wasn't grade A supply. That's crazy because I still suffered narc abuse, who cares if I was never primary, it still abuse. It's not a pissing contest who struggle was worst or who wasn't smart enough to get out. Just worry about your situation that's all you can do.
They are addictive to be with
Like an alcoholic and whiskey.
Went to a family party and exposed him to everyone what he put me through,his face said it all,he didnt leave me but knew i wasnt afraid to speak the truth,married 40 years,heard every lie going,sleepless nights till they decide to come home,5 years ago diabetes got a worse and couldnt carry on like before,he couldnt burn the candle at both ends,weeks before he died he said i was the only one and he did really love me,i never replied to him,just turned away because i couldnt say the same
You have just saved my life just got divorced from a narcissist 4 years and been lost until I found you love you brother thank you so much you have saved me
Every victim of Narcissism does suffer from PTSD and need therapy in order to overcome the trauma
It’s tough bc no one really understands!!!!nor family nor friends... I left everybody behind in order to heal did it on my own
I just want a divorce...I feel like they ducked me right in...nothing normal here
You hit my life on the nail
I have ptsd....yes I have become codependent
Fight for your life.
I needed to hear this, I was raised in a narcissist family then married a narc for 17 years then I moved my narc mother in with me after that I fell in a deep depression. I became numb and couldn't understand why I couldn't please them.
I rarely watch a vid or tv show or movie more than once. I have watched this particular vid several times over the course of a year or more. Gives me a lot of peace to know whats coming at me.
@@ronfox5519 same
Same. Left the mum. Moved in with the grandiose narc. Left him. Moved back on with narc mum
.and I'm pregnant. Prayers hugs. Thank u for sharing
The MOST maddening is being in a spiritual community with the NARC where they (including the teacher) all think he’ll change… I know the truth. I always felt like an experiment and now I know why. His rage-filled fits based on delusions were unreal…now I’m showing I’m healed, happy and grey rocking The Shit out of him I exposed him, said No, and said I was done, but he discarded me before I could discard him. Bummer. I did EMDR to heal from my time with him and got to root why I would pick such an asshole. It’s all childhood wounding Heal it and move ON I’m stronger and happier. Thanks for this video! Much love
Powerful truth...finally understand who I was married to for 18yrs...now divorced, no contact AT ALL via court order/divorce decree...moving on and healing - Thank you!!!
Ding dong my witch is gone. Thank you !
So so so true! The moment i stopped feeding my ex's Ego, he showed his true colors.
Thank you! Love your pure honesty 💞
Thank you. This is exactly what we all need to hear. I remember the last narcissistic relationship I was in. I watched these videos for months. I was a puddle, a hot mess. This is different. It's only been a week since I woke up from his spell... again. I just needed to begin the letting go process. I feel amazing. And you're awesome!!!
You have helped so much.
My favourite moment since he left 2 months ago was on my 40th birthday, he dropped the boys to me (they choose to spend most time here with me and my children) he kicked off and acted like a petulant teen, he didn’t care that the kids heard but he didn’t realise my best friend has come down to stay with us. He was so mortified she saw, that upon pick up, he spent over £100 on 40 red roses in the most ridiculous bouquet I’ve ever seen. My friend knows everything and rolled her eyes, my 12 year old daughter turned to me and said “love bombing much?” 😂 our chats during MAFS have paid off and she seems to have a narc-dar! Sad she has been caught up in all this but I’m glad she can see it
“Perverted symbiosis.” This makes so much sense. The most empowering thing in getting out of the dyad I was involved in was working to understand my own role in the mess, exploring my attachment style and the wounds that molded it, and figuring out why I stayed in the relationship for so long.
I think that's the key Joy. We have to understand the reasons for our own behavior and the trauma that we suffered that caused us to engage in and participate in that unhealthy behavior. Not enough knowing it though, you have to put in a concerted effort to heal and break that cycle. After 22 years in an abusive marriage and many subsequent failed relationships, I still struggle with it.
Exactly.
“ madness for two” 😂😂😂 Absolutely! And I was such an idiot, that I didn’t see how sick it all was for years. Once I stopped playing the game and learned how to not get sucked into the madness anymore, the look of panic on his face and his attempt at quickly trying other tactics was actually quite sad.
He almost succeeded.
He knew I had CPTSD when we met.
He used that against me, to convince me that I was the problem.
I already knew most of my triggers, and he was warned about them.
And those were what he fed.
I already know what my problem is.
He didn't.
I know my strengths.
He knows them too now.
I told him I would leave if he ever tried to devalue or invalidate me again.
And I did.
Thank you, I am so grateful for this video.
Many yrs of recovery , this narc had addiction. YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON HERE. Codependent, even though I thought myself not.
They cannot love!
"Securing attention ,not love."-brilliant
I was becoming a narcissist from the severe abuse and turning away from love. I have faith I can get on the right track.
Maybe you weren't becoming a narcissist maybe you were just regaining your own voice and all the years of abuse made you think that you were becoming a narcissist. Self love is not narcissism unless it's taken to extremes or at the expense of others.
Yeah I know what you mean
Real honesty is such a rare commodity these days that it can be a bit shocking. Lovely job old chap.
OMG lightbulb moment at 4:04 - they attach to attention, not to love. They don't attach to a person, they attach to an audience member.
This has just dissolved a major knot I had in trying to understand my relationship w a fragile narcissist. I love her, and she loves me. Why can't that love create the security for her to be as honest, defenseless and transparent as I am being? Now I realise - she doesn't love me or relate to me as a person. She is attached to me as an audience member, and her image is heavily invested in being perceived as a loving compassionate person. Sooooo confusing when I found her completely incapable to honest self reflection and empathy. So exhausting to try to build a relationship with someone who can't do those things.
This video and all your material are really helping to dispel a lot of my confusion that had me unable to actually let go. This is helping me to trust myself.
I still have a fear of abandoning the narcissists around me. I feel sorry for them. That's the next area of my own identity, psyche and emotional structure I'm going to look at, be with and heal. Thank you.
The vampire analogy was incredibly helpful. I haven’t left yet, but I have detached enough to understand that once I get out it’s not over.
I’m waiting to finish school in 8 months. I’m so grateful for your videos and programs. It has helped so much.
I prefer your straightforward approach. I’ve been lied to and tricked for so long that I’m desperate for truth!!!
Leslie Dixon,You are beautiful 😍,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
Amazing, took my power back 8yrs wasted time. My time is Now.
Richard is correct. Nos Veratu .. healed. * Where there's the 1st, there's the 2nd .. to prove you've resolved the need once and for all.
It’s taken me years to get to my last video, but there was no other way to heal 26 year marriage with empty shelves. I was fooled under her cover of Christianity so I’m slow to recover, but I’m almost free.
Stay strong! You can do it🌞
The future is in your hands. Grab it. Enjoy it. You deserve it. Own it. Best wishes. Be strong.