Matteo Lane: “I Wish White Women Wouldn’t Drink on Tuesdays” - This Week at the Comedy Cellar
Vložit
- čas přidán 20. 02. 2020
- Matteo Lane vents about Starbucks and improvises a song about two obnoxious women in the audience. (Contains strong language.)
This Week at the Comedy Cellar airs Fridays at 11/10c on Comedy Central.
About This Week at the Comedy Cellar:
Comedians of all stripes, from rising stars to established legends, pop into New York’s legendary Comedy Cellar every week for a topical set.
Subscribe to Comedy Central Stand-Up: / @standup
Watch more Comedy Central Stand-Up: / standup
Follow Comedy Central Stand-Up:
Twitter: / standup
Facebook: / standup
Instagram: / ccstandup
Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/topic/stand-up
#ComedyCellar
#StandUp .
Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/info/k32ti7/ccsu-a... - Komedie
Hes so right about the one gay rule.
Wait what's is the one gay rule?
Yeah .....Starbucks has weird LGBTQ policies lol
kidding right?
Yeah that killed me. Why is it so true?
@Pink Pineapple 88Is it? Let's put the pharmacist to work shall we. 🤔
He handled a heckler the only way he knew how. Through the power of improvised passiveagressive muscial stylings
Please explain how that was passive-aggressive.
That was straight aggressive aggressive
Starbucks is ok, I prefer expresso
They weren’t even hecklers though
@@dailycomedy4682 trolling is a art
When a gay dude does an impression of an even gayer dude. I'm dead
Matteo does that so well. Lol
He honestly could be a straight guy that just likes to bang really gay dudes. Lol
This guy has incredible energy. Even when the jokes aren't that clever he kills, really special talent
100% agreement. he is so incredibly natural. he's one of those rare comedians who are funny even if they are not trying to be. incredible talent. he is very very good, rapid fire jokes, no downtime, you're not finished laughing from the last punch before he sticks you again. 100% engaging, and very impressive.
Ry Book he understands delivery
but to b fair the funny but not so clever jokes are the ones that are obviously improvised. brilliant
Yeah
Its his gayness plus adorability that grants him an effortless energy
I’m always in awe of Matteo. A true renaissance gay. Very talented in all his trades- comedian, digital artist, opera singer, hung Italian stallion of my dreams 👀
Nick C How do you know he is hung? 👀
He isn't.
@@PhilVerryChannel how do you know he isn’t?
He’s not hung, but it don’t matter, he’s smoking hot with natural sex appeal, anyway.
Nick! U naughty! Hung Italian stallion?? How do you know this? Tell me! I beg of you! lol
“i FiNd iT iNtErEsTiNG”
He's right; Starbucks' Pike Roast is just burnt beans that taste like sour garbage.
That's literally from pouring water that's too hot (burnt) over a grind that let's it through to quickly (sour).
Cobalt yeeeeeees I’ve been saying this for yeeaaars. Burnt sour garbage.
Co-sign.
There blonde and dark taste better, but the machine themselves run water that’s way too hot so it’s going to taste burnt. I think the last time I brewed coffee for them it was set at 206°
Niazkilam 98 what is the appropriate temp?
I'm here for the white women slander in musical form
Aren't we all?
Sincerely,
A white woman
Same 😆🤣
Yaaaas 😂
Oh yeah 😂
white women - the white men of women
"ok Jafar." I don't know why but that sent me!!😂😂🤣
The pharmacist joke is funny but my pharmacist actually knows drug interactions and what I'm allergic to better than my Doctor. So they can wear the coat. 😆
Fun fact, the computer also tells them all of that information.
@@swartley that's great Drew! So, what do we do now?
@@lookingaround3969 Live your life to it's fullest?
LOL my dad is a pharmacist for 40 years, he worked at those times where pharmacists prepare syrups and drugs and he knows better than some doctors. He healed my throath aphtha after the doctor said “no need to use anything” while I was barely eating and talking. Nowadays syrups and drugs are ready to use, people mistaken pharmacists’ job with salesmen’s. They still have knowledge to prepare them, they can make injection and dressing for a wound. People used to go to pharmacy for small wounds and vaccines. Science involves but my dad hate white lab coats. Never seen him wear it. 🤣
That's a valid argument. They do know more things about medicines than some doctors
He's the only guy I've seen in a while who makes mustaches with no beard look hot
Right?! The only other guy I can think of who can rock this is Julien Solomita
Henry Cavill from Mission Impossible?
Well it's cuz he's a hot person. He could make anything look hot
Have you seen Ruel 🤣
David Brian Gilbert
As a pharmacy student I felt attacked 😂
wait until he gets a pharmacist who doesn’t know how to do their job and makes him sick (harmful i know) but then he’ll realize how important the science is as drug experts
@@apinchofkatie If he gets sick because a pharmacist doesn't know how to do their job, then that just proves his point.
@@apinchofkatie orrrr…. he’s a comedian and it’s a joke. Calm down.
@@Michael-js6gp but the thing is there is a LOT of science and work that goes into being a pharmacist not just filling a bottle of pills you randomly pull off a shelf. it’s not just retail pharmacy from CVS it’s chemo treatment, it’s warfarin clinics, it’s vaccines, it’s managing your medications and your insurance and income to make sure you can get what you need, it’s working alongside healthcare professionals like doctors, nurses, surgeons, PAs, and other specialists to provide the best care and treatment plan if inpatient or outpatient setting.
@@calisongbird yeah, but comedians have a platform that reach a lot of ears and spread a lot of information, and sometimes it’s not always true or researched. So, I wanted to give a little insight to the background of pharmacy, though it came off in a sarcastic way.
Slithers into the conversation.
Slithers cause he's Jafar. Jafar's a snake in his true form 😂
Damn his set sounds so fluid and spontaneous
Hi Cap'n😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and tell please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
This dude's delivery is 10/10
This was the literal best stand up i've ever seen from Matteo. Please more improvised musical roasts lol
Not gonna lie, I feel some type of way when I see people wearing non prescription glasses. The feeling is jealousy.
Fr I’ll be paying 200$ for my prescription and if they break ur fucked
But at least kids won't get bullied for wearing glasses anymore
I’ve got prescription readers that I need to wear pretty often even not reading and I hope that doesn’t count... actually no i just need a prescription and i’m too broke..
hello. only if they are stylish.
@@gregrey1519 yall people who buy glasses for 200 dollars can buy the same quality for 30 on zenni optical. If that makes me poor, then whatever. If im paying 200 dollars for glasses they better be hand carved from cypress wood with crystal lenses and blessed by Tibetan monks.
I haven’t laughed so hard in a while. His energy is Incredible!
Hi Nadda!!😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and tell please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
Sounds like he should be Rodger in the live action American dad😂😂
LOL
He's outstanding! He nailed it.
"He slithers in" lmfao
I fucking love Matteo's stand-up, and I have a feeling Becky and her friends were being loud and annoying the whole night and the other comedians who went before Matteo were cheering backstage during that song
The fact that her name was ACTUALLY Becky tho 😂😂😂😂
I would never ever want to be Becky. I love my comedians.
You are judging someone based on assumptions ?
@@varoonnone7159 Sure am, friend!
This guy is KILLING IT! So much improv talent!
Now I can’t get “I wish white women wouldn’t drink on Tuesday’s” out of my head, lmao! Brilliant!
(yeaheee-yeah)
If you ever spent any time in Italy, you know that Starbucks is to coffee what Melania is to Michelle.
somebody scored perfect on the logic portion of the SAT.
That part.
Son Quatsch and it ain’t no one in here 😉
I once bought a Starbucks coffee for an Italian friend. He was so offended haha
Straight plagiarism?? Haahahahhha!!
He’s so right about Starbucks and what he says about more than one gay is so true... “Well why you wearing those glasses?” True about the lab coat too!
Unless it's a compounding pharmacy- but those are becoming so rare. Maybe the real science pharmacists need to shaming the pill counters like they're wearing fake glasses.
@@dainty_af You're right. You should go to the pharmacy and have to count your own pills before being able to get your prescription; like bagging your own groceries.
There was a blind taste between McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts, and Starbucks. Coffee and Frappuccino were the subjects of the test. Starbucks came in third every time.
There is a God. ......
And She prefers Dunkin. 😉
I could tell the difference.
that must've been done in the middle of the country
Dunkin coffee is actually not bad
Matteo is a star. I love him. He should be at the top of the comedy charts. Funny, insightful, electric, and killer hot. He's a star. C'mon, world. Give this guy his due!!!!
As a pharmaceutical technician I can tell you that there is a lot of chemistry and science involved. There are medicines that we do made on the spot - depending on the pharmacy, if it has a lab. There is a lot of external use medications that need to be custom made for come patients. We receive what we need to make and then make it based on percentages provided by the doctor. We have 4 types of chemistry including analytical chemistry where you would have a solution of unknown content and you need to figure out what is in it. It was hard but quite interesting. We also learned a lot about anatomy, physiology, biochemistry and yes, we did have to learn actually about medication. What chemicals are good for what in what percentages. So you know, for example, interactions between different medicines, medical conditions etc. Pharmacist is not just a person selling you medicine, we are schooled for a lot lot more. We even can make some very strong drugs, but for some compounds a doctor of pharmacy must sign off when you take the amounts, and when you sell it.
My friend didn’t have to do school to be a pharmacist
@@jemma5006 I suppose your friend is cooking crack then.
@@DuneDemon8 i don’t think they let u do that at like cvs
Starbucks seems like good coffee to people who haven't had good coffee. Same way Jack Daniels seems like good whiskey to people who haven't had good whiskey. Some people are stubborn though and stick to the bare minimum of quality because that's how they grew up.
Your analogy to whiskey is spot on. Jack Daniel's sucks, always has, always will.
It isn't that Starbucks is good coffee, it is that it is consistent. Any city you go to with a Starbucks promises the exact experience you would have in your home town. Where else just stopping at a random coffee shop is going to have a great deal of variability.
@@tylerreed2409 I will confess that I do live their mocha frappuccinos with an extra shot and wipe cream on a hot day... who wouldn't?
Same thing with frozen and fresh yogurt
So, I've been satisfied with Jack. I'm not a whiskey snob but now I'm curious what you've been drinking... Share, please? 🤣🍻
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage: Pharma Cist!
It’s always a Becky.
Or a Todd 😂
Hahaha i was just going to write....Fucking Todd....but someone beat me to it!!! 😂🤣🤣 #Magicians
Or it's Taylor Swift at prom
I don't know ........ The Karens are getting out into the world more, leaving their book clubs.
@@markmh835 Karens... urgh!!
That "..slithers into the conversation part" LMAO
I've seen big time comedians that don't make it look this easy... Damn this guy is good
I wasn’t expecting him to hand out bars like that.
As someone who recently dropped out of pharmacy school I appreciated that pharmacy joke! XD
I'm a practicing pharmacist and that joke was hysterical. Mild misunderstanding of the profession maybe, but absolutely spot on about the white coat.
Why?
Eh, idk if he REALLY needed to put that last part into song form. But at the same time... my mans has an amazing voice so I don't blame him for putting it out there at all.
Your man....? Getting a little clingy aren't we?🤪🤣🤣🤣
He aint your man, hes our man
Special_Beam he’s legit, an opera singer.
@MK912 they don't understand aave
"your job is as real as this glasses" daaayum! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I died there!!
"Now you're all gay" is a great way for a gay man to end any set.
There is no science going on back there 😂😂.
It was funny AF. But dude has no idea what a pharmacist actually does.
freemayo yea, I know. Just ragging because they wear the coat.
he‘s funny and man he can sing!
Deadass funniest set I've seen in a while
Hi Michael!!😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
He's really good ...I hope he sticks with it
Stick with it..hes like 8 years in
His energy is amazing...nice set
Hello Angel!!😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
I gotta say this was some of Matteo's best work. Fucking hilarious wish I could have seen the whole set
This clip gets better and better everytime I watch it.
i want to see more of this guy, hilarious
This is by far one of the best comedy sets Ive ever seen
Hi Hayden!!😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and tell please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
1- The majority of work a pharmacist does does not really require a lab coat, but to be fair, neither does working in a lab. It barely protects your clothes and it's prone to stains. Though there is some level of protection from having another layer of clothing protecting your skin from harsh chemicals. People in medical professions wear lab coats more for the prestige than for any sort of necessity. Some pharmacies are known as "compounding pharmacies" which means that they specialize in making personalized medicine and their workflow involves more lab-type work. Community pharmacies that people are familiar with on the day-to-day also do small levels of compounding, because some things, like antibiotics, have a short shelf life if they are pre-mixed and it makes financial sense to mix them as needed. Pharmacists also offer immunizations pretty much across the board, so there's also that.
2- Pharmacists are required to get an associates at a minimum before applying to a 4-year pharmacy school, but many people do their bachelors first, so it's 6-8 years of school. Everyone graduates with a doctor of pharmacy degree. This change in education requirements is relatively recent though, so older generations will have a 5-year bachelors degree to practice pharmacy.
3- There are a lot of medications. The pharmacy industry is constantly researching and adding new medications to the list. I just searched out of curiosity and it looks like there are 4004 approved drugs and 6354 experimental drugs and pharmacists are responsible for staying current on that information. Pharmacists are experts in drug therapy and a lot of schooling focuses on how drugs work in the body, counseling patients, research skills to be able to find answers to more difficult questions doctors may ask, etc. Pharmacy technicians job is usually to prepare the prescription and the pharmacists job has more liability and is more to protect the patient from harm by catching medical errors that could have occurred in the pharmacy (they double check the medication is correct before dispensing) and that could have happened elsewhere and they have to call doctors to alert them of unsafe drug interactions or allergies that they maybe weren't aware of when they were prescribing and correct the issues.
Yes!! Thank you for spelling it all out!! 😁😁
I work in a lab where we deal with acids on the regular and my lab coat has saved me MANY times
That is so interesting, Becky
Why is the amount of drugs available relevant? You literally just have to look up the drug and check potential drug interactions/allergies issues. You tried to explain how complicated and hard it is to work in a pharmacy, but in doing so actually demonstrated validated his joke that it's not that complex. In complicated jobs you start describing what it is and no one even knows what you're talking about.
Everything I’ve seen from him is pretty memorable. He’s doing his thing and it’s great. 👍🏻
he is absolutely the most natural comedian i have ever seen. bravi bravi!
He’s hilarious!!! “Lowest level of drag” 🤣🤣
He's growing in confidence and stage claiming.
Plus he's getting charmer😍💪
Drag name:
Farma Sis
This is all the energy I want and need in 2020 💖🌠😂
I love his jokes! 😍 Btw, pharmacists where white coats bc the board in the 70s or whatever was pretentious. Hence they started calling themselves "doctors of pharmacy". Not my words, my bosses!
- a pharm tech
Ashley T. Wear*
I learned something today
@Tina Yael Severinova M. As a pharmacy student from a pharmacist family, this person is right.
@Tina Yael Severinova M. No, I meant you, you were right about the reason why we wear lab coats.
We wear white coats because we have Pharm. D. We are doctors of pharmacy.
Their espresso is decent but they put 2 shots in both a med and a large...and their coffee is overroasted.
*burnt
Teeko Train pretty sure there coffee comes premade and they just warm it up
xHaloxReviewerx117x It’s definitely not premade
Love the espresso and don’t care if it’s THE BEST lol
SO happy I live near the Comedy Cellar and can go there and see acts like this so often.
i like how he goes from starbucks to sbarro, like he remained within italian franchises only
Yo Matteo stay killing his bits lol he needs a special
I love his energy!
The pharmacist bit kills me!! LMAOO
Love your work keep it coming
This is great. I would love to do stand up one day. Feeling all inspired. 😛🤣
Do it! Live your dream...and keep doing it until they either accept you or kick you out... but you're cute, they won't kick you out...
Go for it....I dare you! 🙄😳👌🤪🤣🤣🤣
Go for it!
CharlesDaLast - oh geez...I put it out there now I’m getting positive feedback.😳😭🤣🤣🤣I need to sit down and write some stuff and find an open mic night. I’ve been looking into it...and watching videos for inspiration...
@@ArdelleVision Don't forget who urged you first 👀😉🙄
I think you'll be great Miss V.... Sending you some pre-laughs to warm up on😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤪🤭🤓
TheConspiracy Realist nice 🤪👌🏻
Perfect date is NOT April 25th, it's any day having cocktails with Matteo, people watching, and laughing. Wish List! 🥰
One of the best comedians I've come across in a long time!
A stand up comedian says that something is a made up job. I love it.
That set was so much fun! Great job!
Hi Happy Black Chick!!Love the screen name.Anyway,😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and tell please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
I just love this guy.
Okay damn, I wasn't sure until the end but he's got some legit chops--both in comedy and vocals
“Alright Jafar…” DEAD!!!!!!!😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣
He is brilliant my goodness laughed so hard at this!!
I was living in Downtown Seattle (Belltown) near Pike Place Market with thee “First” Starbucks. He is so right! 😂😂😂😂. He is amazing!
Hahaha I thought that location would be different than other Starbucks for some reason too but I was wrong. Yuuuck, that was the last time I tried to give Starbucks a chance lol
I work in Post Alley Market by Beechers and always tell folks the “first” Starbucks is just like any other you’d find on every other block. To take pics on the outside to say you visited the first Starbucks
Matteo's always a good time. lmao
You are my absolute new favorite. Holy cow. 🧡
He's great lol good energy
Hi Kyubii!!😀Do u think Im FUNNY?Im a new comic.Watch my 2nd OPEN MIC and please COMMENT if u LIKE.Thanks.
Dammit, I legit was thinking the same thing about pharmacists yesterday...while waiting in line for pills. 😂😂😂
They learn to count. Addition and subtraction, multiplication and division.
Pharmacists actually learn about what each medication is and it's side effects and how it interacts with other medications etc. and are supposed to be there as kind of a fail safe for if your doctor orders you something that will do you more harm than good or if your doctor wasn't aware of one of the other medications that you were taking and prescribed you something that would interact badly with that medication. They are also supposed to be able to answer any questions you may have about your medication, it's dosing, side effects, etc. at the counter if you need their advice on anything.
Iris Snow thank you for putting that in perspective. Just know your perspective gets blurred when waiting an hour in line for drugs. 😂😭
@@HappyBlackChick If pharmacist just counted pills there would be a lot of dead people. Please look up what they do before believing this guy. My cousin is a pharmacist.
@@thedarksideoftheforce6658 You missed the whole point of the joke. In school we wear lab coats for lab work. At a pharmacy there is no lab work to be done so technically they have no reason to wear the lab coats. In as much as doctors have no reason to go out and about with stethoscopes around their necks
I LOVE his energy
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!
this guy is hilarious!! would love to see him live
I would love to see you live. because you're the foxiest girl I've seen since 2017
Singing: 3
Freesrtyle bit: 6
Comedy: 9
Mustache: 10
That was simply amazing.
Mr. Lane, "The Read", was on Point!!! 😂 😂 😂 😂
this guy looks like the gay version of andrew schulz
That's what i was thinking 🤣🤣
Lmaooooo golden comment
They’re friends too. He’s mentioned people mistake him for Schulz sometimes lmao.
...completely different bodies and hopefully views on many things.
Why isn't this guy my friend ? , he is so sassy I love it !!! His comedy is perfect satirical , smart and most of all funny , his observations are top notch . I hope to see more of him in the future .
I don’t have any gay friends but I’d wanna be his friend. We have so much in common - Italian New Yorker who lifts weights, hates on Starbucks… Well, that is actually really common here in NY lol
I LOVE Matteo… oh my.. just the right energy and so so darn smart! A real treat. Where is HIS special?
One of the funniest sets I've ever seen!
Well there’s an upside to having insomnia I’ve never seen this guy before and I am obsessed immediately also worth mentioning I’m from New York so I am 100% feeling this bit
“Ok, Jafar” 😂😭😩
fantastic set
“ your job is as real as these glasses.”😂😂😂
When you or a loved one have a doctor who prescribes a drug that interacts negatively with another drug and the pharmacist views your medications, sees the potential interaction, and has a tech call for doctor for a drug that won't lead to major discomfort or death, then you'll understand how they earn their lab coat.
Yeah they saved my ass before
That sounds like simple memorization or just looking stuff up in a database lol, no offense
@Ryan - It is simple memorization, just like knowing that a certain ailment or disease has a certain set of symptoms and then looking up the most common treatment for the disease, which is a huge database to contain or even understand how to efficiently access.
When I worked at a pharmacy for several years, i saw several instances where a doctor correctly prescribed a medicine that was a valid treatment for a condition, while conflicting with something else that may have been prescribed by a completely different doctor.
Two different schools of medicine two different sets of knowledge feeding databases of the same sort
Love this Guy LOL XD !
This was amazing 😂
he is so talented!!! love him
Matteo is the funniest gay comedian on the planet... and he’s hot AF!! 😍
Id go on a date with him and I'm straight.
WillToNihilsm Haha... Nice!! 👍🏼
Tim Dillon is first. Matteo is second
WillToNihilsm yeah you’re not
I mean he's hot but there's some gay dudes killing it.
"It's THAT...so...."
You were born to entertain and make people feel happy and smile! You belong up there 💋🥰
My new fave. This dude is hilarious.
HE CALLED TGE BITXH JAFARRR!!!!!