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How to tell people you're autistic as an adult⎥How my husband felt after learning I was autistic
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- čas přidán 14. 08. 2024
- In this video, I go over what my experience was like telling people that I was autistic. Receiving an autism diagnosis at the age of 32 was life changing for me but opening up to people close me was a difficult situation to navigate. As women are increasingly finding themselves on the spectrum later in life, I hope that this video can maybe help a few of them build confidence around disclosing their diagnosis.
“Seeing your past through a new lens” yup that’s me rn. Trying to forgive myself. Trying to be kind.
that really rang true for me too.
Burst into tears reading this comment. Also me right now. Also trying to forgive myself. Trying to be kind. Very tough in one of the biggest burnouts I’ve ever been in. Still wanted to find words to respond to this because I really resonated with that part of the video and find it comforting to know that I’m not alone - that this is something others experience as well. To put it into words like this is exactly what I needed, especially with a major lack of support and access to help.
Thank you. I hope your journey with forgiving and being kind to yourself is rewarding. I’m going to hope the same for myself.
I had similar experiences. I found that, after telling people, no one really seemed to want to talk about it or hear any more about it. On the one hand, it's like okay, cool, they just accept me as I am... but it also feels like they just don't care about understanding me better by learning more about some things they didn't know about me and that I've never talked about.
I'm just finding out at 58 years old that I'm autistic with adhd and dyslexia! My husband of 32 years needed the time to process also but quickly got it and said wow this explains so much!! I'm like right I know!!!! Although he still has some push back towards me on certain things for a split second but then says oh yeah I get it.
You have such a comforting voice and demeanor, especially at explaining how you experience your diagnosis. Love this!
In my marriage's case, we'd been together for nearly 20 years when I learned I was autistic, and initially my hubby was pretty hesitant about it as well. In his case, he comes from a generation and family belief system that's anti mental health labels. He loves me as I am and doesn't see any need for me to change myself, feared that the ASD "label" was demeaning at first, and didn't like me labeling myself as autistic. It took a lot of conversations and education, first for myself and then for him, before he grew comfortable.
My sons were the same way, not really understanding why I needed the "label" when they were fine with how I was. And my oldest definitely feared this meant he might be autistic too since he's very concerned with fitting into the NT world.
Eventually everyone grew comfortable with it (family jokes where I point out when I'm being really autistic have helped them see in the moment what's a symptom).
I know I definitely felt a HUGE relief when I realized I had nearly all the female ASD traits and they explained so much about so many aspects of myself that I used to be confused and ashamed about. Now I can accept and love myself in a way I absolutely could not before. I also can now see and understand the male ASD traits in my hubby (he does not self-identify as autistic, but will agree he has many ASD traits) that used to be real threats to our marital and familial happiness. Overall, it's made our marriage and our family life SO much better. We have so much more patience and understanding for each other instead of judgement and blame and hurt feelings.
Thank you for sharing! Your story is super similar to mine. My husband and family couldn't understand why I would want the label. With some education and well timed jokes, everyone came around.
I hear you on the self acceptance and self love... I struggled for many years trying to figure out how to love and accept myself and the moment I understood my brain, it became exponentially easier. That alone was worth everything!
Thank you for this video. I'm on this journey myself and vlogging it on my channel. Like you, I was so excited to have stuff make sense, and was surprised with reactions I got.
I’m new here 🤓 - I’m Autistic (diagnosed as an adult) - and already hooked on your videos! 😁🌻
Hi friend! So happy to have you here 😊💕
Telling people is a double edged sword a lot of times it's best not to tell unless you really really have to, I've noticed that once you tell they either first won't care assuming that you behave very neurotypical in front of people or they will start treating you like a kid almost like you're inferior to them or they will treat you really bad very few times they will treat you how you want since most neurotypicals don't even know what autism even is to begin with let alone finding ways to accommodate those on the spectrum
I'm giving you a like for the excellent video and the even more excellent Browns room. GO BROWNS!
Yeah i just got diagnosed and i went public with it and was honestly met with so many ill informed opinions and bias that i didn't need. But the worst came from my two younger sisters who always use the "you are too sensitive due to your Asperger’s." And for me, that feels like they are shutting me down before i even get started.
I'm sorry that the people in your life have been less then accepting and understanding. I hope with education they come around to support you in the ways you need. 💕
@@neurodivergentme thank you Kathleena. And thank you for making videos like this. They are so important
I have just found out i have Autism. I told my family and friends and the response was like i had a cold..No questions no how are you feeling about this..oh my younger sister said " that makes sence you were always a bit special ".. I feel alone, but, this channel is helping me soooo much..Hey im not alone on this..Thank godness right🥰
@@a.bielski you are not alone. Happy to make your acquaintance. And Kathleena's channel is a game changer for me.
Love the idea of giving a disclaimer "I'm not looking for advice or opinions at this time".
Thankyou this has helped 🥰 you talk my language🤗
How does an adult diagnosis help ? I struggle with so much of everything you have mentioned in your videos. I mostly struggle at work. Are there accommodations that can be done in the work place ? I often get very overwhelmed and very anxious. And come home way to exhausted to deal with my task at home.
Hi Hope J 👋🏻 I’m not sure where you live but I’m pretty sure that in the US, a diagnosis will protect you under discrimination laws and companies are supposed to offer accommodations. It also opens the door to possible disability payments if full time work or any work is not a possibility for you. I haven’t had the need for any of these yet but I like knowing they are a possibility for me if I do. They biggest thing my diagnosis has helped me with was offering confirmation that I was in fact autistic and not crazy. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with imposter syndrome and I never would have felt confident enough to openly share that I’m autistic without a diagnosis to back it up.
Were your parents or other family members surprised when you got the diagnosis? I'm just wondering, because when I finally got the diagnosis, my mom and other relatives weren't too surprised. My mom said, "Well, I always knew you were different." My aunts sort of seemed to shrug it off, as if to say, "Okay."
My mom was curious but didn't really understand what it meant at first or why I would want the label of autistic. After spending some time talking to her, she is really accepting and happy for me. My siblings were both like, "yeah, that makes sense".😂 I haven't told my dad or extended family yet because I energetically don't have it in me right now. Part of the reason I make these videos is so that when I do make a larger announcement, I can just refer them here.
@@neurodivergentme literally all I can do is send CZcams videos to my family because whenever we talk it just becomes an argument. I’m so sick of being blamed for my symptoms.
I had two interesting interactions: when I told my (also autistic) fiancé about my suspicions, I was in tears, because I had finally located the missing puzzle piece. He misread it as me being distressed, and got very defensive at first, as he thought I saw autism (and with that a part of him) as something bad. We luckily cleared that up quickly.
My dad had a sortof hurtful response to me referring to myself as "an autist", he instisted "you have ASS, that doesn't mean you're an autist", by which he meant he saw me as being on "the good side of the spectrum". He had no bad intentions, but it felt like there was an invisible "acceptable limit" to my personality, which I shouldn't cross.
It's no wonder this subject gets a lot negative reaction at the beginning (it was great to hear the experience from the other side too btw). For example movies and media have created a certain stereotypic and rather extreme image about the whole thing. During the past couple of decades I have been sometimes wondering that maybe in my case it's asperger, but it did not quite match either and it felt that autims in general was never even an option of consideration, since my impression of the condition has been totally wrong. After listening multiple people who are diagnosed, that impression has been pretty much gone upside-down.
Im with you! My idea of what autism/aspergers was is completely different from what it actually is in many cases.
This is probably a weird question but how did your husband feel when you told other people that you’re autistic? My wife seems to panic at the idea of me telling anyone and I’m not sure how I should take that. It makes me feel like I’m an embarrassment tbh.
I told my mother that I could be ... to a reason why she said: then you are not! but I see it different. Even my mother can't look into my mind.
Everyone thinks that all adults with Autism sit inside binge eating for comfort and that pretty, skinny women can't have Autism, because skinny women are perceived as social and intelligent.
I’m curious how you stim? I tend to make repetitive noises or songs in a made up language in the voice of a demented toy robot for some reason. Also I pace or perform other repetitive movements.
My main stims are repetitive joint popping, stretching, cheek/lip chewing, and throat clearing.
@@neurodivergentme I fucking crack my knuckles all the time lol. How do you stim when you’re having a meltdown?
I’m sorry I told my wife
every part of your story sounds so similar to mine. I've actually already recorded a few videos for my CZcams channel that I plan to start soon but haven't published them yet because I want to get a few done so that I can be ahead and have a few to release on a consistent manner... But There are even a few sentences you say that are exactly like sentences I have said in videos I've already scripted and recorded 😅
I too was diagnosed with ADHD first and didn't research it. I too looked back at my life with a different colored lens and had so much more compassion and understanding for myself after my diagnosis. I also told everyone who would listen about my diagnosis when I first found out because it was such a revelation to me I thought it would be a revelation to them too as to why I was so different!!! I quickly found out it was not. So now after a year of learning through the School of hard knocks and getting so many bad reactions I've decided not to tell people anymore unless absolutely necessary or I trust them. There is too much to comment on that feels similar between you and I down to almost identical sentences in my scripted videos that you have said It's a little uncanny 😳
There are obviously a lot of differences in our stories because no two snowflakes can be completely identical. My husband was actually the one who brought the possibility up to me... And I had a son diagnosed before I was. It took me learning that it was hereditary through my husband and his suspicions to finally put the pieces together.
Anyway, Glad CZcams suggested you to me. It's also good to hear from someone who also has ADHD and autism. That's one of the things I hope to do differently in my videos is to talk about what the combination of the two feel and look like.