How to help a narcissist fix their personality
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- čas přidán 25. 01. 2023
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, but you can ruin your life trying.
This statement is frighteningly true.
You can't fix someone who pretends they want to be fixed either, but you can go bananas supporting them in their fake quest.
Truer words have never been spoken
Mothers can live a long time. Sister is still above ground, I think.
I ruined mine
An abusive relationship is like standing on broken glass. It hurts to stay and it hurts to walk away. Only by getting out of it can you tend your wounds and begin to heal.
GREAT analogy!
Wow.
Powerful comparison!
Luv luv it so well explained
We tolerate it longer than we should as we have also experienced abuse in childhood
The whole problem is that at some level they already know and don't want it to be true. That's the thing they're fighting. Pointing out that it's true is echoing that voice inside that they're constantly attacking and shutting down. Regardless of HOW you tell them, you're still siding with a voice they despise.
According to scolarly research and common sense, only so-called narcissistic mortification MIGHT make them 1) realise that they may be narcs and 2) try to improve.
If you listen to professor Sam Vaknin who was imprisoned twice fo fraud and was twice diagnosed with narcicissm, only these disasters in his life made him admit his diagnose and to try to mitigate it. And as he says himself he still has narccissism and displays it from time to time.
And unless a person is forced to undergo psychistric evaluation, as in a criminal case, it is still difficult to get a person to willingly undergo such a psychiatric evaluation. And even if they do, they won't be hoinest and it takes time, skill and effort to give a correct diagnose to a patient who is lying strategically. And they also use their gaslighting, their projections and explain away anything that they can get criticised for. Since a psychiatrist must be impartial it takes time and is difficult to put most on the blame on them since there usually aren't documents or corroborating witness who can weigh their behavior to their disadvantage.
Also from what I have experienced and told a former boss who I believe is deeply narcissistic, often times it can often be the narcissist who is on the "right" side of a conflict or has god moral and practical arguments when they get into conflicts. It is rather their disproportional and self-detrimental behavior that makes things a hundred times worse fo themselves and others. Regardless of who the narc deals with and for what ever reason, it is the narc who makes things worse. Especially if the narc is fighting with another narc.
These people I think can only change when their life is at least partially destroyed and they hate their current condition more than admitting their severe personality disorder.
You’re so right! My ex used to always say he knew was different from everyone else but he just couldn’t figure out why. By the time I figured it out I was already working on getting safe and talking to him about it wasn’t safe but I think you’re right. They know something isn’t right.
Absolutely.....It's one of those painful truths that they are constantly running away from....and they will hate you for pointing it out to them
@@larrycarl They tell themselves that they constantly get into conflicts with other people because other people cannot handle how supposedly intelligent, honest, beautiful, sexy and successful they are.
That's exactly what I observed. Well captured.
I tried to “fix” my mother for most of my life, starting from age 13. I didn’t know that a: it wasn’t my job,b: it was impossible. It took most of my life to understand this. I felt sorry for her because she had zero insight into her own behavior. I’m 67 yrs old now; she’s been dead for 10 yrs. I’m still trying to deal with the damage she did to me. I can see now that her narcissism was generational. Her mother was one and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Carolyn this is so much my story. The love and sympathy and childish help and support that I poured into that woman.
Why do I have to suffer, and be the damaged one?
Yes my mother and her mother my grandfather was an alcoholic, so was my father now, so is my brother like alcoholism narcissism runs in families I’m trying to break the pattern with my daughter I don’t want to raise a narcissist
@@aliceroberts1980 I think you will do a good job. Being conscious of the problem and learning about narcissism makes a lot of difference.
So insightful.
I'm 68 and am just coming out of the fog. My bf is one too, dropped her, after 47 years. It feels weird not to have my anxiety at 100 all the time and now, it's coming down. I see a light at the end of my tunnel, I just hope I make it long enough to enjoy the rest of my journey.
I'm narcissistic, I'm at rock bottom, and I'm trying to grow and heal from my childhood trauma so I can be a better person. I don't want to live life the next chapter of my life being a terrible person.
Try to count to 20 before reacting and giving into your impulses. Then ask where this urge is coming from.
I really wish well for you.
Also... selflove praktices are your biggest friend.
All the best in your recovery ❤
❤
how great to have your reaction, those are rare...narcissism also comes as a gradation, i have narcissitic traits but not a total narco, and generally an empathic person....not all narcissists are hopeless....!
I wish you all the BEST, forgive yourself, love yourself, know that it's not entirely your fault, you're a victim of trauma, sending blessings 🙏✨
Trying to fix a narcissist puts you on a pathway of misery, torment, and destruction. I've learned this the hard way. There is nothing to fight for in a toxic relationship. You either put up with it or leave it.
Yes! I was holding on to nothing. The relationship only brought me misery and pain.
True words... Nothing to fight for
I read and hear but I am not prepared to give up. And yes i met the hell already 😢
@@patriciaalves566 You will be banging your head against a brick wall.
permanent damaged for sure for the narcissist character or personality
I would advise that person to gray rock when visiting or talking to that person but never under any circumstances mention anything that tells them they are narcissistic. HUGE mistake. I once tried to politely tell my narc sister that it wasn’t helpful that she was talking about herself in response to what I said. So ever since then she sarcastically says “not to make this all about me but…” and then goes on to make it all about her just like it always was.
I second this. I did the same with my narc mother. My sister had a bad reaction to her new MS medication and I called for help. When the paramedics got there, my mother started to talk to one of the paramedics about some supposed pain she has on her side... while my sister was catatonic on the floor. I stopped her and after I, as kindly as I could, brought it to her attention that that's not the best thing to do. At first she told me it never happened, but then (we have ring cameras outside) I showed her the video, she told me I was blowing it out of proportion and that my sister was fine because one of the paramedics was looking at her. Unbelievable.
Thank you.. I am was going to tell to my narc sister but it's better not right?
@@annegreen4695 I wouldn't...the person most likely will become insulted and antagonistically chant your words back to you...FOREVER!
YEAH YEAH THROW A NICE BIG GREY ROCK AT THEM THEN RUN!! I LIKE IT. MIGHT JUST WORK. 😂 jk
The word sarcasm comes from a Greek verb (sarkazein) that means to tear flesh. Sarcasm promotes the speaker at the expense of others. It’s a form of abuse.
When you tell them how they make you feel they accuse you of complaining.
And holding grudges because you cite past examples of their behavior that show a pattern.
I was a narcissist but then I took psychedelics and it gave me a deeper understanding of what I was doing. My ego was torn from my being it was crazy
I wish everyone could wake up like u dud 🙏🏻
What happened after that though. If you really had NPD, changing the behavior on your own, w/out the guidance of a very well trained therapist in this disorder is fairly impossible. I'm confident the narcissist gets insights sometimes into how destructive they can be, but the shame and entitlement defenses come up and block progress, because those defenses are hardwired. I'm coming from a more compassionate view, like the excellent channel, Heal NPD.
Tell me one psychedelic that you took
You don't even know what that is u heard somebody else say it and you. You wished you could be them so you stole their words Stupid and sad
Stop expecting us to believe yall false realities
I think remaining authentic and loving goes a long way. People are very quick to belittle and gaslight others on social media. I tell them how their actions impacted me (assuming they care), my thoughts about what they did (offering another perspective), and address what I would like to be done differently moving forward (setting a boundary). Does this work? Not every time, but those who want to have a relationship with me will put in the effort to maintain that connection.
I just avoid the whole social media trap. It really serves no one in the end.
Yes. I think the people who want at least the best for you will accept your boundary when you try to communicate why you have it and what their actions do to you. People don't have to understand it fully to respect other people boundaries when they care (enough)
If you are in a relationship my advise is to leave instead of trying to fix the narcissist. Why?
1. the success rate is too low,
2. If you succeed your life will change from unbearable to just bearable with very few glimpse of happiness
3. It will take very long and you could use that time to improve your life substantially,
4. In my experience the narcissist lacks insight in their personality (Yes they know they are different, but they think it is a good thing).
5. Think about yourself. Your personality will change the longer you stay with a narcissist. And it will not change for the better. Just leave and don't try to fix
Yes to all of this! Thank you for articulating it so well!
That's it.
No. 5 . . .wow. so true and this just maybe what I need to hear to finally walk away. I like myself but I don't like myself when I'm around my narcissist. Thank you.
# 5 was the reason I finally left my ex. I had an ah ha moment when I realized I no longer recognized myself, and I did not like who I had become.
Spot on.
I’ve seen such personality types hit the very rock bottom. They are humbled until they rise again. In one case I saw the comeback be more malignant than before the rock bottom.
Many hit rock bottom, play the victim in such a way as to make their enablers rush to their side.
The best way to help a narc is to WALK AWAY. You don't "help" a junkie by giving them drugs. Expressing concerns yet staying just provides intermittent reinforcement for their bad behavior.
This is well said. I did with my narc sister. I had no choice
It's a contradiction
Chayo is a troll
Trying to change a narcissist is like reading the same book over and over and over again, and expecting a different ending.
Not worth trying to fix, just walk away.
This is the truest comment I have read in a while.
I can't believe the timing here. Just last night I realized how narcissistic I've been recently and have been desperate to find help in getting better since then
Try the Heal NPD and Dr. Ruth Ann Harpur channels, for compassionate clinicians that believe this is a painful disorder and that it's treatable. There are self aware narcissist channels like Raw Motivations, Mental Healness and The Nameless Narcissist to give you insight and a sense of validation that you aren't the only one and narcissists aren't monsters. The coping defenses are very painful for us to deal w/, but they are painful for you too, if you have whatever level of this disorder.
My problem was I was in love with his possibility and not accepting him as what he was…a narcissist. Once I looked back I realized I didn’t love who he really was I loved who he pretended to be in out dating phase. Once I saw the real him it wasn’t a good kind loving understanding compassionate supportive partner, it was a drain of all those parts of me. I had to accept I didn’t love HIM only a version of him that he puts forward to gain supply. Stay strong and don’t give up warriors you deserve the real thing.
Exactly... it echoes so much :(.
I truly felt that same thing. N so I got the courage to leave him
So many times this is the case.
Just went through this thought today
its not a love , its cognitive dissonance/ trauma bonding
I swear i can feel them laughing on the inside when you confront them about how they hurt you.
I've encountered at least 5 in my life that I knew of, 3 brief and 2 long term. One was my mother, recently an ex of 10 years. I have never sensed them laughing, ever when they hurt me. Their defenses go up, the excuses mount, occasionally they care but w/ a defensive reserve, but never any sense of amusement or laughter. It's a defense mechanism and it looks very selfish, but they are most often feeling the victim. They have some pain of their own. It doesn't excuse it, or make us on the hook to suck it up on their behalf all the time, but there is a real disorder.
Weird. I've only heard them throw What-about-isms, and pretend that they're innocent and somehow I'm the bad guy.
I get fired. She yells at me.
She gets fired. She yells at me.
I ask for change, "Nothings good enough!!"
Yeah, the nothing you're doing to change is definitely not good enough.
[Thanks for letting me rant]
They give you that narc smirk.
As a narcisst (currently a self-aware and learning new pathways one) I have an advice - never ever let the narcisst go away with their behavior. Wait them till they understand they did wrong and apologize. Do not let their bullshit to become believable for themselves. If they do not apologizs, do not forgive them until they do. If you do otherwise, this will only reinforce their paths, not help you and not help them. You can't help someone change, if they do not genuinely realize they want to change. That is what I am so grateful my wife is super assertive. And super patient. And one more thing - you need to make sure you are happy. That is your number one goal. The narcisst's happiness is his/her own problem, until they politely ask you to support them, or really tell you they feel insecure and reveal their true self they feel ashamed of even by themselves.
Thanks for sharing. I wonder about something...
Can it also be helpful to just keep strong boundaries without expecting an apology?
Example;
-They burst out in anger and you remove yourself
-They lie and you just hold your ground and end the topic
-they belittle and you disengage
What do you think about this strategy? Its basically a manner to let them know that their toxicity is not serving them in any way and giving off the message that its not accepted by me.
Thanks adam,im a narcissist who's in an almost 2 year relationship with my girlfriend,i realized im a douchebag who is taking his girlfriend for granted lately and wanted to change,i'll send this video and your comment to her and hopefully,we can work things out.
im a narcissist .. i want to change ,, i apologize to many ppl for my beahavior .. how can i change?? whenever i want to change myself , i feel headache ...
@@deltacloud7390 you change when you realise that this behaviour is actually hurting you more then anyone.
You change when you come back to God. To the knowing that you are deeply loved regardless of mistakes. That is the only way you will be able to own them and by owning them you can change. Its impossible to change something we refuse to acknowledge.
Sending blessings, wishes all the love and strength to make that change, know that you're deeply Loved by the creator, even if it doesn't feel so. Take care
I’ve noticed since they mirror us, staying humble yourself is the key! That won’t make them humble, but it does insure that you won’t begin stooping to their levels!
Do it for YOU! Keep it real 👍
I've thought about this a lot.
To me it is like you're walking down the street and come across someone continually hitting their own head against a brick wall again and again and again. Shocked and horrified, you try to get them to stop. You resort to talking to them, reasoning with them, demanding they stop, pleading, begging, arguing with them, trying to physically stop them, trying to shield them. Even asking others for help. Maybe eventually they finally stop and you think you've gotten through. Satisfied you start walking away, but as you turn back to look they are at it again. So, you rush back to try to continue to stop them. This goes on for a very long time and you've tried everything you can think of. Finally, you're exhausted and realize it is futile. But being a person of empathy, you're in total shock and devastation at the situation and desperate for SOMETHING to work but NOTHING works and you can't stop them. You NEED to succeed but you CAN'T. NOTHING works. Finally, you reach a point where you just get up and walk away. You have a horrible feeling like you failed and feel completely despondent and useless. But, no matter what, they were determined to do it and try as you might, you can't stop them. Yet you feel desperate to do so, frantically, and panicking at the situation but helpless to do anything. With abject horror, you realize it is futile.
I feel like trying to reason with others about "narcissism" who don't get it is basically the same scenario. Despite whether they end up being manipulated by the narcissist, or abused, or become their flying monkeys, or try to "cure" the narcissist, or help them, or even for YOU to explain it to them or them explaining it to the narcissist or YOU explaining it to the narcissist. And yet nothing works. Or maybe if they don't see it, or try to overlook it. It ends up all the same. You try desperately to explain to them, to reason with them, to try to help them. And nothing works, and nothing will. Because ultimately, you can't help them if they fight you when you try. You can only control what YOU do. Ultimately if they do stop, it is because THEY did it. If they keep going, it is because THEY are doing it. Ultimately, it is up to them. Their fate is in their own hands, and all you can do is convince yourself that you did as good as you could do under an impossible situation and that "success" was unachievable from the very beginning. And despite being an empathetic person, you have to focus on yourself and leave them to their fate. A hard learning lesson for an empath. One of the most painful lessons of all.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I have already given up on my mother and father. But there is an ex who has since had a kid, and I wish there was something I could do. I think I am thankfully at the place where I can't feel anything but pity and sadness when they keep responding in the same way. It is as though they are blind and don't know it.
I sent a message to her after essentially 10 years of not talking (after I *finally* learned about narcissism and figured out what the f was going on back then). I sent a heartfelt message that I cared about her and appreciated things, and her response was superficial and "off", like an alien trying to operate a human body. It was as though I held up two fingers in front of her and asked her how many there were, and she confidently proclaimed, "4!". Just a moment of sadness for how blind she is, maybe without realizing it. In some ways, narcissism is a "superpower" that allows one to move through the world without being fettered with the concern of how things affect others and their feelings, but its also a disability/deprivation of one of the most pleasurable human senses (empathy). It's definitely not something I would choose for myself.
In the case of my ex, not even rock bottom was enough. He was so depressed at one point that he actually went to therapy for three years. Did it help? Maybe on a surface level. I'd say he just got better in manipulating others. He never really dove deep into his old trauma with his therapist. He recognised his mother as a narcissist, but is oh so sure he's not.
Most frustrating part: I met the therapist at some point because she wanted to support us though our struggles- and she straight out told me she's super sure he couldn't be a narcissist, it's just not a good fit and I'm too sensitive.
...well, they are sooo charming if they want to and the abuse is so easy to ignore when there are no bruises...
My mom was able to manipulate every therapist she sent me to. I'd have behavior problems and act out "for no reason". Three adults with decades of schooling helped my mother gaslight me. There isn't enough education about this in school apparently.
Ugh. I'm so sorry even the therapist gaslighted you! I had a therapist in a work setting tell me I was "too sensitive" after a toxic coworker's behavior got so bad I told her if she didn't stop I would have to go to our boss and request conflict resolution. Instead SHE went to our boss and complained about ME (DARVO), then informed me she'd made an appointment for mediation (which she of course lied through). After the therapist pronounced at the end that I was just "too sensitive" he continued staring at me coldly even after I started crying and explained it was because she was lying and he believed her.
It was sad but validating to run into multiple other victims of hers over the years, including a 70+ year-old coworker who still showed visible pain and confusion about it over a decade later. And this was just a colleague in a work setting, not a romantic partner or parent. I'm sorry you didn't get the support you deserved, and glad you got away!
@@amberinthemist7912 Wow, I keep saying this topic should be taught in every school, and elsewhere, since most of us grew up with this toxicity or at least had zero knowledge about it. Imagine if our society quit catering to these people?
@@bellaluce7088 Thanks for sharing that story. Did not know about "DARVO."
@@tibo5828 ❤
I'm glad to find this video. I've sought videos on narcissism and finally decided to seek videos on how to HELP them. ❤
I heard it said once
If you are trying to fix a narcissist without them wanting help ‘buckle up, it ain’t gunna happen’
It isn’t your job to fix anyone unless you are a trained, mental health professional who is paid to do so.
I’m SO glad, upon reflection, that I only wasted 3 months of my life with this. It breaks my heart that there are people out there who have wasted years in such relationships.
Take care everyone
Elizabeth Reynell-O’Brien,You must be a good soul ❤.You are absolutely right
The narcissist literally sees you as their new mommy. Everyone eventually get sick of mom and needs to separate. Let them.
My sister is a narcissist and is so desperately unhappy all the time. Her husband is a gem, she has a beautiful home, beautiful kid, live in help, a nanny, Range Rover, doesn’t have to work and she still whinges about wanting a bigger house, a newer car and needs attention 24/7. Everyone walks on eggshells around her because she gets upset if she’s interrupted, if someone else has the attention, if you don’t compliment her enough or tell her how amazing she is. She is exhausting. But she is still my sister, I love her and I really want to get her to see how she is in the way of her own happiness and get her to be more self aware and see how blessed her life is and how she is negatively affecting those around her with her behaviour which she then uses to justify her victimhood. It’s frustrating when you can see it so clearly but are to helpless to do anything about it.
There is no way in the world I would call out my husband on any level. His anger is so close to the surface on stupid little things that I don't even know what was said to start it, that I would never put a label on him. It makes me choke when we watch movies with men who act just like he does and he scoffs and puts down their behavior. He always announces that he's so glad he doesn't act like they do. I'm always so grateful he can't see me roll my eyes!
Different approaches for different people I want to keep in my life: For some, I just make sure to give attention and compliments and that's enough. For others, I have to let them know I don't want to argue or compete with them when they turn ordinary conversations into arguments/competitions. For some, I just realize that if they inevitably become temperamental or aggressive, I need to be as calm and boring as possible and wait until their mood improves.
I think that one of the reasons I reached out for help was that I was worried and concerned that as I looked like my abusive relative I would be exactly like them. I did learn and copy some unhealthy and toxic attitudes and behaviours, however I also knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of those attitudes and behaviours.
Thanks to those people who supported and helped me.
Was it more like you caught narcissistic fleas, as the expression goes, or did you find out you had some level of NPD? Good for you for seeking help and God bless in your healing.
I still love my narcissistic mother. But the distance I keep is huge. Emotionally. I look at her with empathy, but minimize showing it to her.
Similar here. Only I find using empathy and sympathy does help us to get along better. I have to have zero expectations from her for mothering and then I'm not disappointed. I'm 55, so that helps. The less I require, she sometimes wants to give a little.
"...Their toxic behavior is about them, and not you". Making this observation is working for me. Keeping myself steady allows me to see the deviation that occurs in their behavior patterns. I'm beginning to predict the patterns and not expect it to change. That keeps me from reacting to her disposition of 'scarcity' (habitual bread-crumbing). For example, when I see her preparing supper in the kitchen at 3pm. Knowing her childhood dinner time at 7pm will still occur. My childhood suppertime was 5 pm. I know not to look forward to a delicious home cooked meal a couple hours before sleeping. Instead, I take myself out to a decent restaurant, or order delivery for us both. Last week that delivery came around 5pm and she almost forgot about cooking. She doesn't want connection because that will show her flaws. So, I stopped criticizing her to let her relax her defensiveness and viable deniability demeanor towards me. It works. So, now I spend time giving her some attention that I would appreciate. Guess what? She mirrors me at moments and I acknowledge how it makes me feel. Hopefully, I can avoid frustration by focusing on improving my inner and outer worlds. Allowing her to mirror love and emotion, even though her true empathy never developed in childhood, may stick at certain points in her inner-habit world. And supporting my own needs when she strikingly maintains her inner status quo of breadcrumbs, deceit, and self-deceit. I'm thinking this makes me a DoctorRamani CZcams Student. Going into my 4th year of listening!!! I'm thankful.
Leave and go no contact.
No contact works better if they don’t leave in the same household 🙏🏽
I went no contact with my family I feel free and more peaceful 🧘♀️
It's not our responsibility to fix other people. It's our responsibility to lead ourselves as authentically as we can. No matter how hard that is. Boundaries do not work with them. "Fixing" them is absolutely the wrong approach. We can only fix ourselves. And we all have issues. They will never reflect on themselves, so what would be the point of even trying to explain their behavior? It's their journey. They need to see it themselves. They need the awareness and they have none.
While it's not our responsibility to fix them, and we couldn't if we wanted to, letting them know in a compassionate way puts the ball in their court to seek help. We can't do it for them, but if we are very close, then they might trust our insight enough to consider if we speak up carefully and compassionately. Chances are, they know something is different about them. Sometimes they may have even considered narcissism. I know my ex did when I spoke up. I was very careful and made it about him, and not about me. he is my ex, and was when I recently spoke up.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 you are right. And I usually do try to speak up about things that are important for soul growth. But at the end of the day, the ball really is in their court and it's up to them what they wish to do with it. If they continue on with their shenanigans, then what more can I do. I've planted a seed, even watered it a couple of times. But when they keep on keeping on, that's my cue to focus on me and what I can do to make myself better. I can't waste my time on someone who refuses to see. They will see when it's time for them to see. IF they can be present enough to notice it in the first place.
@@floopowder79 Yeah, I have no idea what he'll do w/ that information. I did this recently and was braced for a blowout. There was none, but I approached it so carefully, not even naming the disorder until he asked what I thought it was. I laid out the symptoms, that there's compassionate treatment from more rare therapists and that this wasn't a label or accusation of being a monster. That i knew there was suffering and deep shame and insecurity to deal w/. He thanked me for caring enough to put myself out there, and gave me an awkward, one armed hug before he left.
Planting seeds isn't usually enough. They likely "see" something, but have no idea what they are seeing. Neil admitted he'd considered it could be narcissism because one of the things he's admitted to me often is lack of empathy. He admitted he knew he was different and his way of relating to people is very different. The self aware narcissists always know this, they just never knew what to do w/ this info. The defenses of the disorder make it very hard for them not to want to skitter away. The only thing I think Dr. Ramani is right about, is that they usually need to be near a rock bottom to accept. Her compassion for victims of abuse is considerable, but lacks for the NPD sufferers. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting myself back into that blender out of misplaced compassion for him. I've found it for myself again, 6 months out and strong enough finally to find a bit for him, at a safe distance, out of my home now.
We don't have any responsibility to anything or anyone. We can do whatever we want. We did not choose to be in this existence, and I will not allow someone to tell me what I "need" to do, or that I even need to stay here at all. If someone wants to try to help someone, and that brings them happiness, they are free to pursue that. Information like this video and comment section can help with that.
Again, thank you. After 42 years of marriage, my N husband no longer rages over me talking to other men. He has become much more gracious regarding certain things I choose to do, such as Visit family, go on girlfriend road trips, lead worship at church. One thing that has remained constant is his triangulation, with his son from a previous marriage and me. I have made huge leaps and bounds in dealing with my own anger. I have not had a “fit of rage” in over 20 years. However Some intolerable things remain the same. By God’s grace, I am lucky enough to currently live in another State.
@beckyjake123 I have had the same with the ex narc and his son from previous marriage and the triangulation game. I am out now. I thank God every day for being away from him!!
@@Shut-up-Shelly thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you are acquainted with this type of triangulation. I may get there. However, right now I am in different. By gods grace I live in another state, so the insanity doesn’t touch my daily life.
@@beckyjake123 only God got me thru the horror of it all. He loves me and that is all I need now...I will pray for you and over you sister!! God bless you each and every day!!
@@Shut-up-Shelly thank you. God is the strength of my heart. It is because of my faith that I have stayed so long. “ forgive 70×7. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile. If someone asks for your shirt give them also your coat.”
The only times I was promised changed behavior, there was bait & switch so extreme, I literally ran. I tried the compassionate approach and was then falsely accused of all manner of lies.
Promp
It is unbelievable how i recognised myself in this video. Thanks
Scapegoats can become compulsive worriers, insecure, resentful, and antagonistic after long-term exposure to a narcissist. They may not realise how they’ve been affected. The narcissist can’t change but they’ll change you.
One thing I can say from personal experience...You can't fix anyone.
You can only fix yourself. I'm sure when I was young and idealistic, I
thought I could modify someone else's behavior... Now I know for sure...
Take it or leave it. It's up to you to decide if you can stand being around them.
I think the best way going about it is maintaining healthy boundaries and train them behaviorally: if they start acting out immediately deliver “punishment”, it won’t change narcs at the core but it’ll give me a completely different experience with the person.
I've seen a narcissist hit rock bottom and lose everything, their mother died due to his stinginess when she needed a relatively inexpensive medical test. He lost his wife and mother of his children, as well as three meaningful relationships after that. He lost his brothers, his daughters.
He will never change.
I tried so hard to reach him and I think he had one moment of clarity after his mom died about his behaviour, but it was quickly cloaked in denial.
I don't think he'll ever be able to admit to his mistakes because accepting what he's done in his life would probably kill him. It hurts less to keep losing people and justify his behaviour.
I think it’s best to stay away from anyone, who cannot see and understand that being in a relationship with this other person, is a problem. From my personal experience, I’ve caught onto the fact that they don’t want to see. It becomes a dynamic where it’s, “Hey, I get along with them just fine. I just know I have to get bent to be around them. Join me.” No. Because, before you know it, you’re seen as the toxic, uncooperative one. They might even want you gone, because the dynamic of mistreator and mistreated works between them and you are simply interference. I saw this between my mother and sister. My feeling was that, if it is agreed, between them, that mom gets to be an ogre, sister supports it and, worse, I am the scapegoat of it all, they’d better be glad I left. Cut your losses and ditch.
Yea my mom is like that. My dad has been a Narcissist from before I was even born. He abused me alot psychologically when I was a kid, almost daily. Telling me I was stupid or sensitive or making fun of me for being skinny and saying all the guys and girls at school probably look at me as less than them. I couldn't swim at the age of 5, so he started throwing me in the deep end of the pool repeatedly to "teach me". I would have full blown panic attacks in the pool and he would just be laughing. I remember as a kid seeing all these other parents looking like they wanted to do something but they didn't. One time my brother tried to run away from home, my dad took me in the car. When we found my brother he told my brother he better get in the car or else I was going to take his punishment when I got home. And I had nothing to do with why my brother left.
Fast forward to being almost 40, I have a daughter so I tried to stay connected for my mom. But my dad hasn't changed and my mom is fed up with him, but she wont leave him. But she wants us to try and come "home" and spend time. This last weekend was the last straw, once I saw he was trying to antagonize me in front of my daughter, we just left on the spot. I love my mom, but if I can't see her without him being around, I just can't do it. My life and more so my daughters life and experience matter too much to me at this point. I was always the scapegoat. My dad told me 5 years ago that the reason my mom and him argued so much is because I was sensitive.......not knowing the reason I was sensitive is because he was abusing me. But even then, I was never the reason because the real reasons was he was a chronic alcoholic with anger issues.
It's important to stay away from someone who is with a narc
this is exactly the same for me, I feel exactly the same way, they have "agreed" and I am interference, therefore I am the toxic problem, it's like they are one person. No matter how hard I've tried to open my enabler mother's eyes to what is going on, she believes she has to support the narc sibling, no matter what, and I'm the problem for not cooperating. The narc sibling even calls other relatives on the phone and tells them that I'm the crazy one, I'm ruining "their" family and how better off they'd be without me, and trying to turn my relatives against me, the same way she's turned my own mother against me.
@@ap24085 you’ll find that it’s one of two worlds. One is that you stay with them, be in Hell, while they consciously and actively gaslight and normalize you being in Hell OR you can leave them, which may be Hell, for them.
In my situation, I felt there was a 3rd option of remaining and placing them in Hell. That, after decades of being the dutiful daughter, that likely fulfilled the golden child role, while my younger sister barely made an appearance, that with my mother shifting me to the scapegoat role, where I was supposed to remain, to be used, while my sister and her lived in homes and I remained in an apartment, editing my mother’s artwork, building and maintaining her websites, driving them wherever they needed to go, handling repairs and whatever else they could think of, for them to remain in comfort and for the picture of me being the ner do well child, instead of my sister, who always had been, someone was going to get hurt, physically, and it wasn’t going to be me.
Most people think that being scapegoated means they kick you out into the wilderness to die. Not always. Sometimes, they want and even need for you to stay. They need to ensure that you are continually punished, for not being under their control and, in my case, they would’ve needed for me to remain, because the things I could take care of, they couldn’t and were also to arrogant and lazy to learn themselves.
Instead, of being the scapegoat, who was scratching to remain in my mother’s good graces, which doesn’t work with someone who is envious anyway, I locked the door behind me and let everything blow to Hell.
Mom died last year finally. She got her just desserts, by allowing mom to live under prison like conditions. Although I, too, catch Hell in probate, my sister may need to find a place to live. Not sure yet.
@@remus2565 I really understood that childhood pain and terror. It's never left me, even 40 years after leaving. I wish you peace and happiness ♥
I have it on good authority that the narcissist could be informed that adult female grizzly bears make *excellent* therapists, and are _extremely_ happy for you to pick up and cuddle their cute cubs...
💀
Run now you will regret it later! The person who has these traits needs to address their attachments! Best wishes!
It so so true Dr Ramani it’s very hard to talk to a person like that
I have tears in my eyes writing 😢
You are absolutely true. If you have met multiple naracistic people, they simply go on as though nothing ever happened. If they have to hit 'rock bottom' is exactly what has to happen to an alcoholic before they seek help. If you 'walk in', you are 'walking into' a very very dangerous situation. You are safer settling a total non contact boundary. The only option you have is to totally ignore the naracist and all their flying monkeys. A naracist who 'loves' money will take a long long time to hit 'rock bottom' and probably never will, especially if they have a large work pension and are surrounded by fellow 'professionals' with the same mentality. Keep hundreds of miles away to keep yourself safe and secure. Many thanks for this video and all your content.
So true, George, thank you for your comments.
Thank you for all of this. I have realized through all of your videos that my mother is this way. I had no way knowing that she was a narcissist, but always wondered why my mother wasn't like other people. It's so great to see that I'm not alone.
Lost cause. It's better to focus one's energy on surviving in the present of the narcissist, if we cannot cut them off.
It's the sad truth! They will never understand. I've told my husband million times and showed him all the evidences but he didn't care . In fact he became worst . I caught him cheating , had all evidences and he never apologized . Its been 10 years and this 2023 I decided to walk away .
In my experience, narcissistic personality styles are characterised by the fact that they are "thought from behind", the unconditional will for superiority is pre-programmed. The possibility of two people going through a joint relationship development at eye level if at least one of them has an excess of narcissistic parts is practically zero. Every project is ultimately doomed to failure because a narcissistic distraction turns the focus back to excessive self-centredness.
Thinking, acting and feeling openly in a non-narcissistically charged way always carries a high risk of failure, but is a great prerequisite for learning anything new. In my experience, the narcissist avoids this step out of fear, insecurity and shame. I could imagine that therapy that focuses on these involved emotions and teaches a healthy way of dealing with them could help somewhat.
Accept they are who they are. If you say anything, it will end up your fault and youre the target. We want better for them, than they want for themselves.
I feel I have all the features of a Narcissistic person and I have displayed all of them in the form of aggression, several episodes of cheating and not believing others or think like everything is happening bad with me only. Feeling of insecurity, loneliness and depression, mood swings during the times of acute stress and never be able to find out the cause of envy and feeling guilty about being envious. Agree to things I don't want to, for the sake of being accepted and treated good.
It has been a very long time and Now I feel like because of all this, I have lost the most precious person of my life forever and I want to make these things right, so that I won't hurt anymore to anybody including my family members.
I don't know how can I do that, I am just not able to forgive myself and The worst part is I am a doctor, sometimes I feel like I should have died before anything of this sort could happen.
I reached my breaking point tried to call my narcissistic ex mother in law out and it ended my marriage. Best thing to ever happen to me. I was married to a grandiose narcissist. She was a malignant one who was literally sucking the life out of me as a new mother with her constant need for attention, validation, and put downs. I felt like the insane one at that point in time. Best to break with toxic people if you can.
I'm so sorry 😔. I'm glad you got out, I hope many of us that view this video do not fall into this trap.
Hurt my marriage as well. My wife left me behind my mother, but we .. my wife and I worked it out. But i still dont know how to tell my mom she needs therapy
Three hours after speaking my feelings, and my truth, and breaking up with my boyfriend, I want to thank you, Dr. Romani, for bringing your voice and knowledge to the world. I am going on 7 years after leaving my husband, and it has not been easy. I have had a few therapists, a lot of internet research, and lots of talking with other women, to bring me to where I am today. This particular video could have been addressed to me today, but ... with knowledge and faith in myself, and speaking my truth from my heart, I was FINALLY able to identify the gaslighting as my most current boyfriend was trying to change my mind.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You have certainly been helpful to me.❤️💜💜💜
Honestly the title of this video made me angry, as my first thought was that it’s not my responsibility nor my problem to help them. I have been severely damaged trying to help them, and struggled with anger myself sometimes from it all. I now avoid all those things as much as possible. Totally focusing on how I feel and keeping boundaries with people who fall into these categories. ❤
I'm sure that's fair enough. But some people are more narcissistic than others, and if there's a chance that we can help people who are borderline then it may well be worth it. I'm not talking here about spouses, partners etc. but more about family members or friends.
Really excellent & difficult topic. I loved your suggestions & interpretations. Really important information. 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 It's SUCH a difficult aspect to dive into. Thank you, as always 😊🌹💞 Dr. Ramani 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you Sooooooooo muchhhh for this video, for the most compassionate, honest and straightforward way in which one could have said it all! Thanks so much. I can relate to every single thing, SO MUCH
I thought I could help/fix/change my narcissist ex. This lead to very bad codependency and only made the narcissist rage even more. They👏 don't 👏ever👏 change, and you will only drive yourself crazy ❤️
Sending love and healing your way 🙌🏻
We can't ever fix them. They can be treated to a point if they really want that help and work hard for it. Raw Motivations, Mental Healness and Heal NPD are good channels to see what that looks like.
I’m speechless. I’ve been facing my childhood trauma for just over 4 years.
Today I hit a bottom. I’m a bloody narcissist. I’m freaking out cos there is no help.
Last few weeks lead me to my shame core. Worthless and non existent.
My frustration is that that’s how my family made me feel about myself. Yet I’m the problem.
Another day of excruciating pain. Fed up
You are deeply Loved by the creator, you are a victim of generational trauma, don't be ashamed, your healing journey has begun by acknowledgeing your condition, sending you blessings ❤
It's not your fault, get help asap. Sending you love.❤❤❤
I can do that!😮 give us the power Dr Ramani ❤
Wow I'm seeing this just in time. Great advice and reminders. Will revisit... Probably a few times
I have this with a family member. I don't focus on their behavior, I focus on their trauma. I tell them they are important to me, that they were a victim and now they are a survivor, and that I will love them through their bad times, but I won't be their punching bag. I set boundaries and ask them why they feel the need to do certain behaviors. But there is a whole lot that I can't talk to them about because if you trigger their shame, you're in for a very bad ride. She's a communal narcissist, so I can get her into a place where she will do things to help people, and we can work from that. The vulnerable narc in my life is so much more difficult to connect with because they look for anything you say to play the victim against.
It sounds like you have a better grasp on this than most and understand they have a lot of suffering too. Looks like you've found a safe distance to deal w/ them from, so they don't get to you too much. If you make it about them and their suffering, they sometimes can accept there's a problem, because I know w/ my ex, he always knew he was different and had considered whether he could be narcissistic. Remains to be seen whether he'll actual seek help, or even check the information resources I sent him.
I personally think it's hopeless. Even when they feign to "self-reflect" it's all a game. They'll say, "I won't do that thing I did anymore" and then literally 7 days later, they do the thing, and there wasn't even a trigger that they would have identified as a trigger. They just do it because they feel like it and because they can. It's all Hoovering.
My best thought here is to follow the advice at the end of a skit from the Carol Burnett Show, where she and "Mamma" went to a therapist. "When confronted with a foe, bless her, praise her, and let her go."
And go they will. They'll go off like mini-bombs on a regular or semi-regular basis. They'll go to the mini-mart and yell at the cashier for daring to ask for ID when they use a credit card. They'll go home and yell at their spouse for the "crime" of doing housework, but not the way they never said they wanted it, because, you know, the spouse is supposed to "just know" or whatever. They'll go to their adult-child's employer and trash-talk them to try to make the employer fire them and cause their adult child to have to "run home to Mommy" or whatever. They'll go to police and judges and lie, lie, LIE their faces off, ordering the judge around and gaslighting everyone in site, except their truth-telling relative who has to sit there hearing all their crap. They'll go and go and go and go, as if they're high when they're not, as if they're drunk when they never drank, as if they're Picasso to cut off their own ear...
Just remember: "When confronted with a foe, bless her, praise her, and let her go." - Eunice, about Mama, The Carol Burnett Show (last episode, "A Special Evening with Carol Burnett", aired March 29, 1978).
I admire your empathy very much Dr. Not all can deliver this content and in such empathetic way.
She has deep empathy and sympathy for those that suffer in toxic relationships w/ narcissists. I find she lacks compassion for those that suffer w/ the disorder, and doesn't really believe it's can be a real disorder and that the narcissist themselves is also suffering. I'd recommend Heal NPD to see the marked difference.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 the difference is who is “suffering”. As she has mentioned, majority of NPD do not suffer, they just enjoy their “assholeness”. If you are asserting sympathy for people who enjoy being assholes then it really is pathetic joke. If you are suffering having NPD then go seek help and be honest that you have NPD and have it addressed. The majority of NPD people I know that go seek help just go seek for supply, and then again go use that manipulating sympathy as a source of power to manipulate more victims.
@@EvelynneK1812 It's sounds like you know a lot of people who you ascribe as having NPD, who game therapists for supply. That's sounds like an expensive game, and you're describing actions and intent of a sociopath, not a narcissist.
I'm not a person w/ NPD, but have suffered from being w/ someone w/ probable NPD. I'm well equipped to understand both sides. It's called empathy. It's more sympathy and compassion, since I still find it hard to understand the depths of their maladaptive coping mechanisms. I would more often struggle w/ guilt than shame. People w/ NPD can literally puke from shame alone. Does that sound like they are enjoying their assholedom? I can't believe she actually said that.
So I will maintain again, this therapist has great sympathy for those that suffered from a pwNPD, but has no real compassion for those that have the disorder. She doesn't even believe it's really a disorder. She calls it a personality style, like they tried it on purposefully and liked it so much they chose to wear it. They chose to never be able to maintain true intimacy, a properly bonded relationship, they like hurting people and having them flee them in hurt and fear, they enjoy being abandoned.
There are some good channels for finding out about real NPD, like Heal NPD and The Nameless Narcissist. These channels show you actual people who are suffering. I was shocked when I heard one of the main criteria for dx was marked suffering. For those that treat it successfully, they understand this.
Timely video. Thank you!
I thought this would be about a 30 second video. “How do you fix a narcissist’s personality? You can’t. The end.” ❤😬😊
Thank you for this advice 🙏 ❤️
I cannot say enough how thoroughly accurate this assessment is. So very difficult, painful, and heart-breaking to watch and if it is you seeing this painful truth in your spouse and feeling as if you have tried every possible way to help him/her and seeing it is futile...well you are not alone. Thank you so very much for all your insight and wisdom Dr. Ramani!
I’m a narcissist and I don’t have much of a personality. I just mirror qualities and traits of those I admire and envy.
Dr. Ramani, your videos have been invaluable tools for my growth and understanding. Thank you!
Oh Dr Ramani, I have watched many of your videos, but you hit a nerve for me right there 😮
I would not introduce the idea of narcissism to them if i wanted to stay. Even passively. Its a bad way to go. Just show kindness and love, no matter what. Actions are much more influencal and says so much more than words. Obviously don't exhaust yourself though, but keep your own kindness in tact.
Conquer them with love, rather than be brought down by the evil. That's the best and only option if you choose to stay.
Hi everyone,
My intimate relationship with my partner and the mother of my children is at this time a separation.
I realize now more than ever that I had narcissistic behaviours and was being selfish.
I also realized that is how my parents were.
I feel that I have a purpose and mission in life as I am hyper aware of my actions and take full responsibility for pushing my partner away.
I commit to myself that I will be mindful of my actions and the way I interact with others.
I acknowledge that those behaviours are not serving others or me.
I believe that that with awareness, change can and will happen. I am taking all the necessary steps to stop these behaviours and will continue to become my best self.
As a narcissist my self, I would suggest to never tell them they are narcissist.
Just explain the way their actions affect you, and that maybe it would be a good idea to talk with a professional.
But never tell them they are narcissist or they NEED to seek medical help.
But try to tell them it would make them a better person, or just that it would help with some problems they have. Like anger issues.
Then hope that they go and they can became self-aware. It's a long and hard way.
I did, but took a very tentative and careful approach. I didn't launch into it as an accusation. Being 6 months out of 10 yrs together, i was able to piece together the symptoms of it, from his many admissions to me of lack of empathy, admissions of entitlement, selfishness, deep shame that he can't show, and limited remorse, but more for the results on his life, rather than what he did to me. He took it shockingly well. I laid out first, before I ever named the disorder that it is treatable, it causes suffering for the person w/ it, and is not like the movie stereotypes and doesn't make one a monster. Though the coping defenses can make it seem that way. He knows I've called him a monster in the past, but have found forgiveness w/ separation. His lack of empathy has concerned him enough to consider he was narcissistic before likely before he met me.
He may or may not seek help, hard to say. He accepted that I told him out of help for him and that it had nothing to do w/ us being able to work things out. He was hoping that I told him for those purposes though. I know and shared his getting help, if he does, can only be to help himself. It's treatable and there are compassionate therapists out there that understand the suffering of the person w/ deep rooted shame, that will do anything to escape the depth of that shame that we can't fathom.
Thank you for all your videos @DoctorRamani. I am not diagnosed with NPD though I believe i have many of the traits. These videos really help and i will continue to search for the right therapist to help me. I really like the 10 things video you have done as well.
Hi Dr. Ramani, have you ever explored any links between autism/ADHD and narcissism/narcissistic people? Your videos help me so much, thank you :)
I've heard some ideas about a misdiagnosis crossover, overlap in apparent traits, and a tendency of the two to gravitate into relationships, but no real material here, just rumors, you have anything?
Yes most clinical psychologists downplay the autism-ADHD link however as a retired school psychologist with hundreds of my students and their parents-there is a connection-the problem is most clinical psychologists look at the total person and we as school personnel focus on how it is impacted within the school experience! With the narcissistic and autistic person (if it is severe) it is neurological and on some level insight-feedback-empathy is limited
P.S.: I am fuming for 2 days in a row now, after an abusive narc tried to show they finally understand, which was basically this: "I just had all those feelings inside me, I did not handle them in the best way, yes, I thought it was unfair that you get to leave me and live your life while I can't live mine, so I smeared your name a little, I deliberately hurt your feelings, and I hassled you a little in your everyday life. But now you are off my shitlist and there're no villains in this story." So they basically set out to absolve themselves in their apology and threw in a transactional piece into the mix: "but see, I am absolving you too" even though I am the victim and they are the perpetrator... The disgust and indignation is through the roof now, it is very painful, and that is why no contact is the best solution.
The best they can do would actually make it worse for you, it is gonna be painful to observe how they are trying to "better their charachter", after ALL the injust suffering they have deliberately caused you, at least that is how it was in my case. Their "baby step" to improvement will still be abusive to you and beneficial to them, and they will try to sell it as a generous jesture, making it even more disgusting. Their understsnding of fairness is warped.
Thank you for this doctor! I love and want to maintain my relationship with my narc son, he's father was a narcissist and i was too young to know. This like all your other video's has been truly helpful.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 love that i know so much about narcissism to help me work with them if they are self aware and prove consistent change…
Outstanding work
I really wish I had seen this before one of your other videos where I identified the covert narcissistic qualities in myself. I thought I was having another schizophrenic delusion. I'm glad, at least now, I know what the problem was and I can work towards a brighter future.
Mid 30s and I recently realized that it isn't my job to fix my narcissistic 31 year old sister. This job of guiding my younger siblings, helping them to be better people, helping them fix their personality flaws was always thrust upon me since I was a child. It wasn't fair on me, it still isn't, to be blamed for all of their flaws when it wasn't my job to raise them. I could only do so much.
It's funny that the narcissist I know can sniff out another narcissist BUT does not see those traits in themself. At this point, I no longer have the desire to try to change this person. I am accepting them as they are; using the tools Dr. Ramani suggests to help ME get along and keep a modicum of peace.
I have not experienced that, but it might be true. What I have experienced, is that men tend to sniff out male narcissists and females sniff out female narcissists. I was warned by so many female friends and congratulated by my male friends.
It's pretty common in all narcissist. They are not very good at self-awareness.
After all narcissism is a defense mechanism.
Or they admire other narcissists, famous ones at least
Hello Dr Ramani
Thankyou so much for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with the world.
I'm a diagnosed narcassist. I'm 34 years who had a narcassist mum. I've become my mother. All I want is to be normal and feel empathy like a normal person. Can you please make a series of therapy videos that are dedicated to all the narcassists out there myself included, who want to change.🙏
They don't want to that's clear. They are so afraid of themselves.. They just remain in denial
Thank you Dr Ramani. I have been through it all. I can't begin to say how exhausting it has been for 12 years. He has hit rock bottom, lost a lot, cried and promised not to continue this behavior but again reverted back to being 'very difficult'. Now he has accepted he is difficult..and wants me to understand and live with it.
After watching this and many other videos it hit me like a ton of bricks, i’ve reach rock bottom more than once but never been able to see it for myself by what truly was, making excuses, blaming others and their behaviors, I’m tired of this, I really want to change my life and relationships for the better, I want to change for the better and I know is not going to be easy but I’m willing to do it and put in the work
Thank you Dr Ramani. 😊
great info, have an old friend, I rarely talk to anymore, still a flaming narcissist 20yrs later, it like I opening up a time capsule, no change whatsoever.
Believe me....just keep going!
If you're wondering if you should leave or stay in ANY toxic, whoever it is, relationship...you can't fix anyone, but yourself.
It's NOT your fault, nothing you do can ever be enough. Once you start understanding these different behaviors, it's still hard, but you'll finally be given validation in yourself! Your mind will be tricked many more times, just listen to her or another great therapist, understanding yourself, once again. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I'm bipolar and married to a narcissist.she has done so much to me and my kids.i can't begin to tell you.she did things to my brother while he was laying in my house dieing of a brain tumor.a hour after he died ,she kicked me in the ribs,cause I didn't want to have sex with her.i took pictures of the brushes covering both sides of my ribcage.i don't know what to do anymore.i truly think she's trying to drive me crazy.i have been so scarred up in a personal place on myself.from trying to please her every day all day.i truly think she is a nympho as well.sorry if I'm being to forward but I've giving her 103 orgasms in one night and it still isn't enough.and she says that's my fault.and I'm trying to deal with all this while dieing of cancer and emphazima.its starting to be way to much.ive contemplated not fighting my illness anymore to get it over with.any advise for me.ive been to everyone for help with her and no one wants to get involved.id appreciate any advice.thank you for your time.
Dr. Ramani, if you ever find the time in your busy schedule, could you please do a video about narcissistic grand parents and how it plays a role on not only the grandchildren but the adult child who sees pattern repetition. How to protect yourself and your family etc? Thank you so much.
There is mostly no outing them. Once you do, even if they seem genuine, they develop deep mistrust, because they perceive that you view them as “sick” and “flawed”, and yourself as “healthy” “perfect”.
This will not sit well with them, and they will work double time to avoid the feeling that you think you are better than them, because they “went through something to make them this undesirable way”.
It’s a lose/lose.
Excellent presentation. Also, a broadcast on how to educate a student with narcissistic tendencies would be a great next broadcast.
I have to listen to this video every day
I like the channel mental healness, he clearly states that even as a narcissist whose unaware, they know that they are hurting others and that it’s wrong. They know they’re doing wrong. They may want help but they’re not helpless before they know they have NPD. They know they’re abusive
Even if you try and explain things your way in the nicest possible way. They won't understand and they won't care. You can only change your attitude to them, but please don't spend too much time doing that you will usually not get what you want. Try and not have them if your life if you can. Life is much easier.
Well Said ❤
We are told to honor our parents and I agree, but sometimes the most honorable thing to do is stay away for a while.
There are no millions of NPD; people can showcase narcissist traits not the full package. Maybe we unfortunately squeeze this label with an easy mouth.
Dr Ramani, thanks for sharing your insights and also for keeping the hope flag for these not always egosyntonic profiles. They deserve our professional effort.
There are some of us who appreciates this video as we have narcissistic children we still want in our lives! Thise in romantic relationships can just walk away!
My stepdaughter and her narcissistic mom make it work by living 4 states away and keeping their relationship completely superficial. But good on them for finding a way to make it work! It’s took years and it still bothers my stepdaughter at times but she’s grown so much from it since moving away from her mom. And she’s so happy now. ❤
I would say that the narcissistic person will only change if they see it for themselves and do the work, of their own accord. And the most likely scenario of that being triggered is if the narcissistic person hits rock bottom- most commonly seen through MASSIVE life upheaval, especially prison time.
Other things that may trigger this include: losing a job, divorce, losing custody of kids, public humiliation, being caught in a scandal... My ex husband actually experienced all but the last one (and that is likely coming) and it has made NO difference in him. He is still the victim of everyone else and deluding himself.