Does Intent Matter? Navigating Harm in Marriage
Vložit
- čas přidán 9. 06. 2024
- In this episode Leslie and Julie dive into the complex topic of intent and its role in destructive relationships. They explore the distinction between deeply selfish actions and those stemming from misguided theology, mental or physical illness, or past traumas. The discussion highlights whether intent should influence how we process harm and respond within our marriages, even when unintentional damage occurs.
Key Points:
Intent vs. Impact:
The importance of recognizing that even unintentional actions can cause significant harm.
The need for restitution and justice regardless of intent.
Forgiveness and Amends:
The balance between forgiveness and the necessity for repair and restitution.
Addressing Harm in Marriage:
The importance of acknowledging and addressing the harm caused, even if unintentional.
The role of genuine repentance and changed behavior in rebuilding trust.
When to Stop Bringing Up Past Hurts:
The necessity of ongoing conversation and understanding the victim's perspective.
The difference between genuine repentance and dismissing the victim's feelings.
Trust and Safety in Relationships:
The critical role of trust and safety in maintaining a healthy marriage.
Examples of irreparable breaches of trust, such as adultery or financial deceit.
Mental Illness and Responsibility:
The balance between compassion for mental illness and maintaining personal boundaries.
Sacrificial Suffering and Boundaries:
The distinction between noble sacrifices and enabling harmful behavior.
The importance of not sacrificing one's well-being to enable another's worst behavior.
Recognizing True Change:
Identifying genuine changes in behavior and heart versus superficial compliance.
The importance of mutual care and respect in a truly healthy relationship.
Listener Takeaways:
Self-Worth and Dignity:
Understanding that a partner's indifference or cruelty is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
Embracing your value as an individual and image bearer of God.
Living in Reality:
The power of facing the truth about your relationship for making informed decisions.
The importance of personal growth and becoming your best self.
Resources:
Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start
Learned from Lysa T. That we can forgive from a safe distance. That forgiveness doesn't have to equal reconciliation.
Doesn't the Bible say something like forgive if they repent? My husband does stuff to me all the time and it repeats it over and over and he thinks it's okay just to say sorry. But he's betrayed me in different ways, he's lied, he's sneaky, and I just don't trust him anymore. He thinks everything is wonderful in our marriage. We have no intimacy, we have no sex in our marriage for 9 years. He's nothing more than a roommate who is irritating. I am just beside myself because I'm so unhappy. I'm too old to do anything about it. I'm just waiting it out. He has taken no initiative to change any behaviors. I cannot talk to him about anything because he is a covert narcissist. I am so tired.
same here
“Repent” means to turn around - turn away from that behavior. Saying “sorry” is only the first step of repentance. If it’s not followed by a true turning away from that destructive behavior, then repentance hasn’t actually occurred.
Same…
But I will say, God has shown me some ugly things about myself that I would have never seen had I not been so wounded. Like a dog who is normally friendly will often try and bite when they are hurt badly. It’s like a different dog. I feel like God has shown me that about myself.
Trusting God to be “enough” for me in this season has tested everything about me. In many ways I am grateful-even though I hate not having the relationship with my husband. I know one day God will deal with him. I hope for his sake it is sooner rather than later.
@@adamslaura768 Wonderful that you are seeing the truth about yourself. Focus on your own work and the "dance" will change with your husband. That may not mean he ever sees himself but it means you can be healthy even if he chooses not to be.
I would question his "repentance." If he apologizes but repeats the behavior over and over that is not real repentance. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
Just to clarify he took sex away from me because he was looking at p***. And he said many things to me that were so hurtful he denies most of it, to this day. And yes he blamed me for it at the time. God has been my covering. Jesus has brought me so much joy. But it doesn't take much to knock me down I have so many other issues it's not even funny.
Everyone has issues, friend. The important thing is how we deal with those issues. If you are facing them and working on them that is all God asks.