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Leslie Vernick
United States
Registrace 28. 01. 2009
My channel serves as an outreach to woman who are in destructive relationships and marriages - i.e. those that are emotional and/or physically abusive.
Core Strength: Practical tools for Life’s Challenges
RESOURCES:
Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/ok
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Leslie Vernick’s book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.
Understanding Core Strength:
Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.
Core Strength Components:
Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.
Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions.
Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one’s safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame.
Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior.
Practical Applications:
Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.
They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner.
Facing Reality and Fear:
The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.
Building a Safety Plan:
The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.
Wise Counsel and Discernment:
How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.
Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/ok
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Leslie Vernick’s book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.
Understanding Core Strength:
Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.
Core Strength Components:
Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.
Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions.
Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one’s safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame.
Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior.
Practical Applications:
Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.
They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner.
Facing Reality and Fear:
The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.
Building a Safety Plan:
The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.
Wise Counsel and Discernment:
How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.
zhlédnutí: 1 271
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RESOURCES 1. Book: Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times by Stormie OMartian 2. Book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick 3. Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start 4. Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) Reflecting on the Past Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her ma...
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Biblical Divorce is Righteous and a Grace freeing act given by the love of God
this is so much easier said than done! In this type of marriage is disgusting
1 Cor. 6:10 Do not be deceived. No ...reviler shall inherit the Kingdom of God. Not only is emotional abuse in the Bible but it also appears to categorize the saved from the unsaved. God thinks it's pretty serious business.
Where can we go if we missed your webinar dear Leslie? Would really love to have it to work through if myself too please to help with my healing work
I developed a lifelong Auto Immune disease from the constant fight, fright, freeze and fawn response of my body Also my condition of battling to swallow got worse to the point Doctors here told me I have 99% swallowing difficulty.. They were mind blown that I am still able to swallow eat and drink although I have it and I told them ITS ONLY GOD SUSTAINING me and protecting me for His calling and His purposes . Also started battling with my breathing and my Physiotherapist said I am only using the top quarter of my lungs to breathe like a marathon runner at their last mile....so I sleep with an open mouth at night and battled a few times with "air hunger". Also started getting anxiety attacks where it felt like a rocks weight on my chest I tried to be the living sacrifice by laying down my life ,my dreams, my hopes for my husband and my boy before God to try and help my husband with his unhealed wounds, trauma and hurts but I could not anymore as it felt like I was going to die if I stayed by just not waking up one morning... And I cant fix him or safe him. I couldt stay anymore for the sake of our Autistic little boy and myself , so separated and God gave me the strength to move out so tbat He can work on him while we are not around to experience collateral damage anymore of his own unhealed wounds and trauma. So now I keep on praying for him daily so he would allow Jesus in his heart to come heal him and know Him. I stayed 8 years. Please do not be afraid to do this and dont make a person an idol or your relationship as God said not too as He hates idols and we are to have no other gods before Him.
@@thefinalgeneration5231 Amen. I did idolize my husband, yet he still discarded me. It wasn't worth giving up God for. I hope your body will heal as you renew your mind! 💓
Amen dear sis! Stay strong too and stay at HIS FEET.We have to be obedient to our King! And forgive and pray for these people@victoryamartin9773
My husband refuses to give me the passwords to our accounts. :(
Unless there is a very good reason (eg. an addiction or something) this is not okay. You are not a child.
Developed high blood pressure, rashes, neck surgery from stress.
When abuse happens, it’s completely ok to say “I will eventually forgive you, but I will not continue this marriage.”
How do you Get go the point where you can forgive? I'm hurting So Badly.
Great message!!! ❤❤❤
🙏🏻 thank you
I've been living in fear of being screamed at and threatened over and over for 9 months, since I told my houseguests I needed them to find another place to live, and they began retaliating ragefully. I'm stuck in a freeze response. I can't think of solutions or carry them out. I wake up during the night with unexplainable burning abdominal pain that radiates up into my neck and shoulders, then I wake up again in the morning depressed about facing another day with squatters in charge of my house controlling what I'm allowed to do in it. I've struggled with suicidal ideations and plans. I hate spending the days all alone because I'm being stonewalled. My house feels haunted. Hypervigilance makes me react to the slightest bumps or noises. My stomach is filled with anxiety and hurts all the time. My church has not been supportive. They want me just to smile, die to myself, and say everything is great, praise the Lord. I walk around in a slump, going thru the motions of my daily chores, absorbed in ruminations of their abuses. No new thoughts come to mind, and memories of the past are fading. I have no hope. I live in a fog with nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to.
Wow. I can't imagine the scenario that brought this about, but my lack of imagination doesn't make it untrue. For the sake of clarity, what would it take to set you free/be ok? Sounds terrible and like being in a prison!
@@alyssamurphy2002Thank you for asking. I'm not sure I have an answer. I've been praying for God to open up my mind to access solutions or to help me change my perspective so I can let go of the terror I live in. I continue to bring my anxious thoughts to Him, but I end up ruminating over them again during my prayer. I have also asked Him to provide a better place for them to live so they will want to leave. I've asked my church to intervene and encourage them to leave. So far, only the pastor has talked to them and asked them why they are not contributing and trying to support themselves, since they claim to be ministering Christians. They said they could pay no more than they had offered me, now 7 years ago, for space in my front yard, which I had waived in exchange for their friendship. I had allowed them to camp in my front yard in their tent for 6 years because they were homeless. We would hang out under the trees and chat. Thinking we were friends, I was instead being groomed to provide financial support and eventually take them into my house, following 2 Tim 3:6. When Code Enforcement came by and demanded that I remove the tent, and my friends made no effort to pack up and leave, I was forced through threats of heavy fines and criminal charges by Code Enforcement, along with pleas, demands, and coercion by my friend to take them inside. They immediately began rearranging my house, and within one month, they were controlling me using the same threats of legal retaliation previously used in their favor. As squatters in CA take legal precedence over homeowners' rights, they are allowed to do this. It is a prison sentence I volunteered for. Only this one I could walk away from if I were to give up my house and trade my life for theirs. At this point I have not been willing to do that, and I hope I won't have to, because I am so old I don't think I could survive.
Do you own the home? If so, you can call the police and get them out and get a protective order.
@@stephm5877 Yes I am working on trying to get help with that. The police aren't being helpful, however.
@victoryamartin9773 I see what you mean. It's hard to believe CA law helps squatters. Is it possible for you to serve them an eviction notice with a move-out date and then once that date passes, get the court-ordered eviction? Once that happens, the police should help and maybe you can get the protective order? Is there somewhere else you can stay during the eviction time? I'm praying for you and your situation. ♡
Thank you, Laura!! Helps so much to hear your story as it validates all the spiritual crazy making.
Fear, withholding affection and intimacy, gaslighting
That is me PTSD
Can you ladies talk about ambient abuse? I know a few people who might be dealing with this… Is it the same as emotional abuse?
Oppresswd
Co-dependent😊
Disregard
Fear
Respect, manipulator
The message I have heard far too many times is “God says your spouse comes before everyone else” where is that laid out in the Bible? I do not see it. We idolize marriage to the point where we sacrifice the wellbeing of our children and ourselves and our relationship with God….this is excellent ladies. Thank you for helping me find the words and strength I need to make some really difficult decisions
What stopped me for so long was being taught it’s a sin
Nothing is said about who told Eve not to eat the fruit. I believe God did. Just like He can speak to each of us now. And does.
Weaker can also mean weaker socially. Feeling intimidated and being intimidated are two different things.
Is this webinar over?
I’ve heard so many times- She wears the pants !
Do we have this swing of the pendulum thing once we go from being so very put down and shut up as we are trying to learn how to exert when we feel that we need to? Meekness is strength under control. We might not feel that we really know how to exert, and we might feel overly timid to even try due to the abuse.
I would want to more details about what he was referring to
Jael in the bible.. just wow strong
Hi where is the sign up link for the seminar on Thursday. I’ve looked all over the website and can’t find it? I must be missing something
I'm sorry you weren't able to find it! Just go to www.leslievernick.com/register
Two ways to look at it either either you get to or you got to!! Also another context of equal say of what will quantify resources usefulness to each others immediate needs as a voice in the matter. Role of a healthy marriage of a husband is not to be lording or looting over one another through the process.
Laura, thank you for sharing your story in such a real way! You are always an ENCOURAGEMENT to me! Love you!💗
could you give the email to register for the core strength type course/ free ? thanks.
Of course. It's www.leslievernick.com/ok
Hi I don’t see how to register on your site for the 15th workshop? Any thoughts.
"We don't need to say our boundaries, we just need to DO them." I REALLY appreciated hearing this. I know that boundaries start with "I" but feel I can be even stronger with just DOing and holding myself safe---once realizing it's ABOUT ME, I'm doing much better on knowing how to set boundaries that keep me safe. It's ME making the changes that I should have never let go of so long ago! ...and WOWOWOWOW!!! Your role playing was SPOT ON! So helpful! THANK YOU!
This is GOLD. Julie asks great questions she brings to Leslie. The role playing is so authenitc. The specific examples cement it into my memory; also, the examples of SCRIPTs are so very helpful.
So thankful you are finding this helpful!
Packed with wise words. Thank you! *I’d be careful not to refer to programs about the murder of women by their husbands as a “guilty pleasure”.
The actual crime is not the guilty pleasure but the investigative programs about it. Sorry if this came across differently... I'll watch that language in the future! - Julie
"dont lead like the world leads", amen.
My marriage from the very beginning was based on adultery. I have since repented with deep remorse and pleaded with God for forgiveness a long time ago. But I continued to put up with emotional neglect, devaluation, hypocrisy and being silenced for 18 years because I believed that I brought this on myself and God was allowing me to suffer the consequences of my sins. But until recently I have come upon a bunch of Godly counsel like this video and others like Lisa Terkeurst and Jimmy on Relationships that have taught me that I am valuable and I do deserve to have feelings and have the ability to voice them. I matter. HE won't change, and that has been the best realization after realizing that I don't have to keep punishing myself for mistakes of the past since I have genuinely repented. It has freed me to start finding myself again and making plans to rebuild a life where I can actually flourish in the blessing of God and not feel like a hypocrite myself walking around and pretending in front of others that I am happy when in reality I abandoned myself a long time ago for the sake of keeping him happy. Thanks for your videos. I so appreciate them.
I am suffering internally from my marriage. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I can’t keep it together. I want to save my marriage for my kids sake but he won’t change and I am the only one suffering. I’m just so unhappy in my marriage and I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s not a bad man but he’s just not good for me. 😢
So I am wondering where I stand, am exhausted, think I don't know how to communicate, wondering if my partner ever has the thoughts of how to work the marriage. Can't find him in finding me, thinking if he walks out, will I miss him or be relieved
Hello from Australia
I LOVE kayaking! I own two hard shells. One, sit in, and one sit on.. the sit on is my favorite. But I am 62 and it is heavy so I got a contraption that fits a wheel underneath.. super easy to use. Got it on Amazon! I have a truck, so I don’t need to worry about fitting it in a car! But… I like floating the river too! So I have a couple Tahiti’s that I blow up at the put in site with a car operated inflator and I can let the air out at the finish and roll it up and put it in my Jeep quite nicely! We live in the marvelous PNW so I live with many lakes and rivers to enjoy. When I realized the condition of my marriage a few years ago, I began really exploring and enjoying things by myself. So I understand having to leverage these things in order to do it by ourselves. I prefer the hard shell kayak, so I figured out how to make it work! I hope you enjoy your folding one!
Let go of OFFENSE
Like the idea of the stories we tell ourselves and how the way we frame things impacts our emotions and thoughts. This was really brought home to me when I was talking to my sister about how frustrated and sad I was that I had been praying for God to perform a miracle in my marriage but we were divorcing. She looked me in the eye and said maybe God has a different miracle planned for you, a miracle that doesn’t involve saving your marriage, but involves saving you FROM your marriage. I am now telling a new story that I am looking forward to the miracle that God is performing in my life even as my 32 year marriage marked by serial cheating and all the abuse that involves is over.
Just started watching this and thinking what the heck??
Another super informative chat! Thankyou ladies. ❤
Find that voice and use it in an honor way but be clear about your message. Healthy growth
I had to leave. My husband uses it against me saying I abandonded him