TL;DR Edition Of All 66 Books Of The Bible
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- čas přidán 2. 02. 2023
- With The TL;DR Edition of the Bible, you can forget about reading through the Bible in a year - now you can read through the Bible in about five minutes!
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#babylonbee #bible #comedy #christian #conservative #woke #funny - Komedie
The Jonah the Asparagus throwback actually slayed me like Jael with a tent peg.
The lead-up and follow-up of about fifty "a minor prophet who wasn't Jonah, feel free to skip" to that joke really made it hit harder too.
I wish Ethan was here to appreciate it with us.
You won the Bible based Internet today. BB should hire you on the spot.
ever notice how none of the veggies had arms yet they picked up things and it didn't seem weird to you when you were a kid? Corridor Crew had a react episode with one of the animators recently and he pointed that out. Blew my mind how weird it looks rewatching it now.
God I loved those songs. CAUSE YOUR HIS CHEESEBURGER HIS TASTY CHEESEBURGER HELL WAIT FOR YOOUUUU YEAAAA HELL WAIT FOR YOOUUUU OHHHHH!!!!! lmfao
@@Thefirstbrady yeah, that was a fun episode. Funny how it inspired those guys.
"Just go ask your parents" made me laugh.
Don’t ask this parent! I’m not going there.
😏
So true. A young adults ministry I went to started going in depth with some of the symbolism and imagery....let's just I say I was impressed SoS hasn't been translated into modern English for a non-Christian audience.
Too much 'begetting' going on there
@@dbrooke3629 Oh my... That would be a nightmare.... 😬
This was a great summary. Now I can say that I listened to the entire Bible in four minutes.
I listened twice! #DoubleHoly!
I made my own jokes through about half of it so I did it in two minutes while writing and narrating the King Thumper version 😂
I listened at double speed, so it took half the time. And of course I skipped the lessor prophets.
🤣
No you didn’t! You may have heard some truths, and they were funny! Don’t listen to everything you hear. Read the Book.
Zechariah should've been, "No, I'm not Zephaniah. Now I know how Elisha must have felt."
🤣🤣🤣
Zechariah could also have been called, Daniel 2.0.
Elijah jokes 😂
I listened to both the other evening and now they're two of my favorites. God is good!
BB could use another good, funny writer.... you know any??? J/K 🤣Seriously, good stuff!👍
“Leviticus…STOP….DOING….GROSS…STUFF” had me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And then Deuteronomy: I SAID STOP DOING GROSS STUFF 🤣🤣🤣
... and then America - #STOPDOINGGROSSSTUFFALREADY!!! 💥🤬💥
NOTE: America is not an actual book of the Bible and this comment is meant to be satirical. Think about where you are, people.
I love that stuff 😂
💯 truth @3:26 ✌️
Deuteronomy says hello 😂😂
Catholic drops in: "you mean 73 right?"
“If there’s one thing that I’ve noticed about the Bible, it’s that it’s long”
😂
Tongue in cheek here, is a library long? Is a trilogy long? Is the game of Thrones long? Read each book as individual books noting that there's a common thread from start to finish. We had perfection and we ruined it. God promised a deliverer and made good on the promise. He will call His own home and He will then come back to Earth to deal with our accuser once and for all. There now, even shorter than the greatest of all time the Babylon Bee. Not my own thinking but from a great Christian apologist.
@@nschlaak I.. I was quoting the video, it was a joke
@@nschlaak The TL;DR Old Testament: Worship Yahweh or get murdered (Yahweh murders and orders ethnic cleansing); and then get rich and live for hundreds of years if you kill enough "wrong thinkers".
The TL:DR of the New Testament: Sin isn't that bad; just belief in the absurd is required. Pray for everything that's wrong, cause Jesus is magical and grants anything you want. Why do something when you can pray for it? *Slavery is blessed in both the new and old testament, so yeah, welcome communism and government oppression*
When communism, then Islam takes over the US, it will be Christianity that welcomes it for "persecuted for loving Jesus" whining. They're all busy turning into the same victim narcissists as the lefties that hate them, and they cannot wait to do it more, all in the name of Jeebus. Oh yeah, don't forget loving your enemies; the government is taking away your personal defense tools to make that a lot easier.
Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi both have repeatedly confirmed their Christianity. 😁
@@nschlaak The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." ― Abraham Lincoln, Speeches and Writings 1832-1858
@@troy3456789 The name Christian was first used by the emperor Tiberius while Sejanus his second in command had just been killed for insurrection against Tiberius. Sejanus used the word Chrestion Chrestun which means fool or fools.
Abraham Lincoln had a strong relationship with God the Father as seen through his writings especially shortly after his son Todd died unexpectedly.
"That I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrepect of religion in general, or of any denomination of Christians in particular." Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln also said to Horace Greely in August 1862, Lincoln stated: "If I could save the union without freeing any slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that."
So what. I really am puzzled by your singular quote out of context with his life, his knowledge, and his personal trust through God's Son Jesus which gave him his relationship to the Father.
All us Bible geeks are cracking up at how well you nailed this. I can see the love and thought behind it, we know y'all have your hearts and minds with God
I finally got through the bible in one day!
We gotta fast reader here! 🎊
Imagine actually doing that
Good. Read the end of the book. Revelation 22:11. Peace never comes to the living 👍
That’s funny 😆.
Man, these any%, skip speedruns are getting RIDICULOUS!!!
Nooooooo don't skip the minor prophets! They give so much insight as to the divinity of christ and the heavenly kingdom to come! They also have significant prophecies about the end times that we're currently going through right now
riiiight
@@richardmead5969 read them and prove me wrong :)
Yeah, there’s definitely a good reason why they’re included in the Bible, God’s Word.
@Apsoy Pike Really? When did Amos 8:11-12 happen in the distant past? Everyone I know who is aware only knows for certain it's been happening since less than a decade ago.
@@briansonof I thought the end times are supposed to be unexpected, “no one knows the day or hour” when Jesus will return, right?
You killed me with the minor prophets😂
I think churches skip them, but they shouldn't. I was helped so much these past few years thanks to their teachings.
@@SRose-vp6ew Thanks for saying. I laughed so hard during it thinking.. wow.. they do get skipped a lot and I've never read them. But they're in there for a reason. Thanks for saying you liked them. Now we're all going to read these after watching this. :)
@@SRose-vp6ew exactly.. would have loved a part for them too
@@SRose-vp6ew Mines doing a bunch of them right now, we did 2 or three so far in the last couple weeks!
It's irresponsible, though. The *entire* Bible has purpose for teaching, reproof, correction.
“Ruth, the Bachelorette Hebrew Edition “ 😂😂😂
“Songs of Solomon - go ask your parents 🙌🙌” That hit deep
Dude just likes his secret garden and pomegranates. 🤷♂
I think we all know it's just Christian erotic literature.
@@eyesyt7571 Actually its Jewish. and its a metaphor for God and Israel who are lovers so to speak
@@akivamagill7719 That's an interesting theory, but I'd like evidence of it.
@@eyesyt7571 all of the sages in the talmud say that. “All the books of the Bible are holy; but the Song of Songs is the Holy of Holies” tract yadayim 3:5
"Do I have to write a 4th John?!?!" 😂
I thought the "fourth" John was the one with Kirk Cameron. 🤔
😂👍🏻
Hahahahahaha!!!
Pro tip: If you're going to read the minor prophets, it helps very much to have some kind of background info on each book as to when it was written and why. "Quest Study Bible" has nice summaries of background info. Basically, get familiar with the history of Israel and Judah and how the kingdom divided and deteriorated by studying Kings and Chronicles first. That will help you understand the minor prophets when you realize what was going on when they were written. A lot of them are warnings of what's to come if people don't shape up, (which they don't), but there's also some beautiful messianic prophecy in them.
In the context of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, the minor prophets are very poignant and thematically connected
Ezekial is one of my favorite books.
Yea I Have an NIV Quest Study Bible for teens, It is a very good Bible.
Agree. Definitely helps to have a Biblically-sound pastor or friend.
The other thing I forgot to mention is that the minor prophets are not in chronological order. That's another reason why you really need to know what was happening at the time in order to make sense of those books.
"Basically, John MacArthur's worst nightmare." Pure gold!
And purely wrong.
@@videodistro good thing this is satire
That was also my fav part. 🤣
@@videodistrohahahahahahahahahahahaha
Who's John MacArthur?
I want to print this out and tape it to the table of contents of my bible.
@@osakarose5612 Grab your smartphone. Select the Notes app on your phone. Tap the microphone icon. Hold the phone up to your computer speaker and play this video. Email the Notes file to your computer. Edit anything that didn't pick up right. Print it out.
Like most of their videos, this was originally a print article. Just find the article on their site and print it out.
@@andymanaus1077boomer here. I lost you at “grab your smart phone”
@@andymanaus1077 you rock!😂
Copy and paste the transcript, maybe?
My Bible version doesn't have the anthro asparagus in it for some reason, so this is incredibly helpful.
Check if it has the gourd part, if it does, youv'e got the right Bible
The Bible has mandrakes so called because of their human like appearance 😂
Mandrakes are also a drug in case you didnt know that
"Ladies, please stop talking" I'm dead 💀🤣
Who needs the One Year Bible when you have the Bible in 4 minutes right here?
IKR? It's perfect for Gen ADHD!!
Who needs One Year Bible when you have Bible in a Year?
@Ben O Brien You will have to deal with those pesky 7 books not covered by in this video though. Looking forward to a second video from the Bee to follow up.
Jonah was a prophet!
(OO OO!)
But he never really got it!
(Sad but true!)
Ezekiel made laugh out loud, "A totally Lovecraftian mindtrip with eagles, psychadelic wheels and stuff."
Zechariah is a must read if you are wanting to understand Revelation. Please do not skip. Daniel also 💥
Isaiah is pretty important too if you want to know more about the Messiah
you forgot maccabees. the name literally has "bee" in it
Whoa! Babylon Bee...time for a remake!!
You had me at “this was a minor prophet that’s not Jonah feel free to skip” then killed me at “an anthropomorphic asparagus” XDD
Absolutely brilliant. You guys are saving comedy and religion at the same time.
Best part of this, was learning how to say all the names of the books correctly. (Those minor prophets can be tongue twisters)
More so in the Hebrew. yeshiyahu is isaiah, ezqiel is ezekiel.
😂😂😂 This is great, but Habakkuk is kind of one of my favorites. Please don’t skip!!
Agreed
Also, Paul quotes Habakkuk a bunch of times (Habakkuk 2:4 - “The just shall live by … faith”) so it’s useful to know where Paul is quoting from.
I actually dig the minor prophets. They use a lot of cool imagery and have one of my favorite verses.
“Mankind, he has told each of you what is good and what it is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Micah 6:8 CSB
I just finished a Bible in a year study. If you’d come out with this one year earlier it really would have saved me a bunch of time. Thanks Bee. 😢
There are 73. Thank you very much
Kyle is a Baptist, not a Mormon. 😅
Right.
The Protestants removed 7 books for some reason; they only have 66.
@@billyjonesy2972 Protestants match the Hebrew Tanakh
Forgot how many generations of this world have been entertained and taught by the Babylon Bee, over 80 years. Just mind-blowing 🤯
Thanks Bee hopefully I will be around for your centennial celebration 😁
I have fond memories of my late father reading me all the silly headlines about the Nixon administration ♥️ I now read them to my grandkids on my Apple iPad
20 employees each with 4 years of experience....... sounds about right.
It would be 6. The Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y (Millennials), Gen Z and the current generation, Generation Alpha. Their centennial celebrations will be in early 2024 since they age 16 years for each calendar year. Must be aging in super dog years or something
The year is 2120 a new Bible Version is published with literally only this much words in it taking you about 3 minutes to read front to back. As a result, Kirk Cameron's adventure begins.
Did MrBeast find the cure to cancer. To WW3 happen. What happens in the future.
Edit
Did WW3 happen?
@@astrobuck7023 God has already won. He proves that His prophesies are true by making them all happen in a very short period of time. ❤️💥🗯️😵🤬👹👇👼👆
The “boogaloo” and “Jesus will be coming around the mountain when he comes,” got me good! 😂😂
John MacArthur's worst nightmare. This is why I love you guys🤣
66 books?
You mean 73.
Amen bro!
Can't wait to hear about the other 7 in the Old Testament
Catholics: "Ya'll missed 7 books."
Very funny as always, well done!
Chadyes.jpg
we are just sad that we still have to read that remaining books =D =D
Catholic bible containing 73 books! 🤔
@@DG-hw8it challenge: can you give TLDR for the remaining seven books?
So good! Loved almost every moment, until you said Psalms was a long Hillsong album, then you fixd it with the heresy line and had me laughing again!
Thanks!
The Psalms are really good in the Eastern Arabic church's chants... the way they were meant to be heard
@@Jay_in_Japan in a language that Judaism nor the early church spoke? 🤔
Guess I'm out of the loop but why is hillsong heresy?
@Abbie Holman Really? Why is that?
@@Sablespartan it’s what they say outside the songs that makes people look at them funny.
Acts: “John McArthur’s worst nightmares “ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂this one floored me…
SAME 🤣
Acts…”basically it’s John MacArthur’s worst nightmare.” 😂
I really, really enjoyed this. Thank you!
🤣😂Hosea is one of my favorite books of the OT!! DO NOT Feel free to skip! 😋Hosea great love story, hallmark style. Man and woman fall in love, Man and woman have a falling out, Man will do everything to win her heart back so they can live happily ever after. All reflective of the great love story between God and man.
Great love story?! In the middle, man and woman are married and fall out because woman has multiple extramarital affairs.
Since man as faithful husband is a stand in for God and adulterous wife is a stand in for God's idolatrous people, Hosea is extremely humbling. But a great love story? Only for the idolatrous people; for God it's excruciatingly unfair.
Otherwise the lesson is: God loves us much more than we will ever deserve. That humbles me and makes me want to be a more obedient daughter who loves God more. But I still can't call it a great love story.
@@Susurro Heyyy! That’s the best (and fair) assessment of that book I’ve ever heard, and what I always sort of hoped a woman would say about it. May God bless you thank you for your conclusion. (Maybe others get it and just gloss over, and it was just a struggle for me, but, from a human relationship perspective, the book can get used out of context against men to say the woman can be as sinful as she wants and the man has to be God and accept everything, all the time, no matter what) or I suppose vice-versa if you flipped the script.
Well, sure, from the relationship with God perspective, we’re all her and it took Jesus and the cross to even have a way to justify it, and thank God if we come to repentance in Christ we don’t get what we deserve.
But from the earthly romance perspective I’ve struggled a lot with “being a Hosea” and you’ve covered more or less why. I maybe could get okay with it all if there’s genuine repentance and a commitment to change but if there’s not then I’m not God and maybe I’m not called to be a Hosea, and therefore should distance myself from becoming super close in such toxic relationships.
Which is a part of having healthy (and biblical) boundaries. Either they need more awareness, or repentance, or both to be able to reconcile and fully trust each other (and God) and function the way it was designed.
I’ve never heard a woman see this side of things and it was awesome to read that. Thank you.
I loved this!! Make worship great again! 😂
"John MacArthur's worst nightmare"... LOL!!!
“Basically John MacArthur’s worst nightmare” is the line that made me wheeze. I was not expecting it!
Song of songs: You know what go ask your parents
Acts: basically, John Macarthur's worst nightmare.
Best ones in there 😂🤣
I feel like I have a much deeper understanding of the Bible than I ever have before! Thanks Babylon Bee!!
Can I like this multiple times!!? 👏👏👏👏👏
Loved the minor prophets especially Jonah!!!
As a Joel, I feel outraged that you skipped Joel!
Right? And Hosea's story is touchingly sad.
A lot of unnecessary pain happens in the church because people haven't read Habakkuk.
Man. Yall never failed to encourage me to love yall more.
"AND 100% LESS HERESY" !!!!! 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
You forgot to throw in that Jesus loves John in your TLDR of John. John was really big on that. He literally mentions it every chance he gets 😂
That hook at the end, brilliant! Way to go guys!
Thank you for this summary! I needed an answer and god has spoken to me through this video.
as a non-Calvinist, Judges is definitely a riveting documentary on the doctrine of total depravity, just without the inability part 😎
Thank you for this, really
Hilarious as usual! Now, what about the 7 books you forgot?
They're probably just minor books, feel free to skip!
@tenhundredkills nah they're referring to the Deuterocanonical books in the older Catholic Canon of scripture.
@@maryangelica5319 which have and still are included in the Catholic bible
Most people prefer to only read the books inspired by God. Just sayin
@@lFunGuyl you keep believing that.
Hilarious video! I've been making my way through the Bible and it is long! I have a little trick my mom taught me to help out, read a few smaller books like Colossians, Philemon, John 1-2-3, then go to longer books like the gospels, then back to a couple shorter books Ecclesiastes, Habakkuk then then maybe psalms. Getting through a few shorter books makes you feel like you're accomplishing some reading and gets you motivated to read through a longer book next time. The bible is a great read and I don't see anything wrong with skipping around the books to make it more enjoyable.
This is the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time, great job!
I liked the Mr. T reference for Proverbs. I’ve joked before about who holds the record for calling people fools and I know it has to come down to Mr. T and the book of Proverbs.
an absolute joy to watch this video. I dont feel free to skip the minor prophets though when Jesus refers to them often and fulfills prophesy.
But lots of churches shy away from them for some reason. That's the joke
This is great!😂 My church actually had a class that ran through the Bible in a similar way but with hand motions. It’s actually a great way to outline the Bible.
My brother was named Micah because my parents DIDN'T skip that Minor Prophet...actually, just kidding, he was named after a Calvary Chapel song about Micah 6:8
Incredibly accurate, great job. (Job was a man in the land of Uz, and he was a righteous man)...
“This is a minor prophet who is not Jonah. Feel free to skip.” 😂😂😂 Oh no! C’mon! such good stuff in there! That’s it, after Psalms the fam is moving to the minor prophets. 😂😂😂
😆 Thanks for summing it up so creatively! You are so talented (and funny!)
Job as Hebrew Country Music had me laughing. Love you guys.
This was actually hilarious, I was laughing the whole time😂
You guys are so hilarious 😂
I was expecting something like your Christianity Lite skit. I was not prepared!
Great stuff, Bee! Keep it up!
Thank you Babylon Bee
This comment was written by a minor prophet who's not Jonah, feel free to skip...
It seems like it took me a lot longer last time I went through the Bible.
Minor prophets and Gospels had me rolling!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So good guys. Well done! 👏👏
This is gold. That being said, on the matter of minor prophets. I just attended a Valentine's sermon taking a close look at Hosea this morning. Please don't skip, it's a wonderful love story and an illustration of God's love for Israel.
Minor prophets: Hosea: Prophet marries prostitute; Joel: The locusts are coming! Get your act together or else!; Amos: Get your act together or else!; Obadiah: Edom, you're in BIG trouble; Micah: Get your act together or else!; Nahum: GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!; Habakkuk: Sneak preview of Revelation; Zephaniah: Get your act together or else; Haggai: Nehemiah from a different point of view; Zechariah: Weird visions in a sneak preview of Revelation; Malachi: How many times do I have to tell you to get your act together?
This was awesome.
You took taking a year to read the Bible and condensed it to 4 minutes! Thank you!!!!
I am currently reading the Bible cover to cover in 2023 and I _am_ going to do this now I am retired. No way am I going to play your spoilers 'til I'm done! But you nailed to O/T I've covered so far, LOL.
You forgot “Jasper, not a real book of the Bible. This was a test.”
Revelation 22:11. The entire story had no point, peace never comes to the living, and you use a tortured mans body as an idle after him saying do not have idols.
@@matthewcurry3565 The next verse literally says Jesus is coming soon to bring peace.
@@matthewcurry3565 The verses against idols can be summed up with the First Commandment to not have any gods (idols) before God, and since Jesus is the Son of God, and therefore an extension of God, as well as the Holy One that the saved are _supposed_ to pray to ("None shall come to the Father except by me." John 14:6) having a statue of Jesus to focus prayers on is actually the exact opposite of idolatry.
As for peace never coming to the living, that's why being saved is often described as dying to the wants and desires of the flesh and being reborn in the spirit.
@@Joel_Jumpman No it does not Revelation is the end when jesus is already present lmao
@@Joel_Jumpman he just says he comes quickly in 3rd person a few times before and after.
Hilarious!!! Ezekiel - nailed it with "flaming psychedelic wheels and stuff" 😂
Very eye opening and informative documentary.
Sharing this with my log winded Sunday school teacher.
Dwell is so good! 💖
Is it?
Bro, there's 73 Books....
Amen! Bro amen
It depends what type of Christian you are. All three major branches (Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox) disagree on how many books there are.
needed this right before the coming apocalypse, bro...
Song of Solomon
“You know what, just go ask your parents.” ROFL 😂
That revelations summary made more sense than actual revelations
Revelation -- no "s"
Revelation = Jesus, The Lion and The Lamb
That is surely because you have never heard it correctly. But don't worry! I have a self-published book from someone you have never heard before that will explain everything!
@@SN1PERx64 😆😉
❤️❤️❤️ please do not skip the minor prophets. They’re a pretty big deal.
" I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies. " ― Benjamin Franklin
@@troy3456789 Bro what is your case. Really think you gonna change out mind by citing some random guys?
@@stanley2696 I don't have quotes from just random guys. I wouldn't even know where to find them if they existed. I have some quotes from some of the most intelligent, most influential men in US history, history of the world though.
@@stanley2696 During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution. [James Madison, *FATHER OF THE US CONSTITUTION* ,A Memorial and Remonstrance,addressed to the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Virginia, 1785]
@@stanley2696 It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. - Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth
Well done. Very entertaining and spot on.
Great stuff as usual! I am fine with the normal speed, but this is the first video I had to slow down to 0.5 to hear all the books, then have time to laugh so I could hear the next book's summary.!
When you have such an uncommon name it's wild when you hear it this many times and it's not being addressed to you lol
Man I'd be upset with my parents for naming me "minor prophet, feel free to skip".
Loved this lmao
I frigging love yous guys
Loved the jab at hillsong!
"Micah is a minor prophet, feel free to skip." Really? Micah includes this: "What does God ask of you? ONLY to do what is just, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). Would you really want to skip this profound teaching?
I'll be even God chuckled at this one!
“Let your humor be not vulgar” , nailed it again
I was enjoying the bible paraphrased in the NLT and the bible illustrated and summarized by the bible project, but now I don't have to!
Thanks, Babylon bee!
Oh man this had me rolling!