Ever Felt Fear of Humiliation? Avoidant Personality Disorder May Be Why | MedCircle
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- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
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Have you ever felt fear of humiliation, or just self-conscious or shy? For some, that feeling is so severe that it impedes everyday life. This is called avoidant personality disorder (APD.) Here's what to do to cope with symptoms of avoidant personality disorder.
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ABOUT THE SERIES:
Have you ever felt fear of humiliation, or just self-conscious or shy? These are common feelings. But imagine if these feelings became so severe and persistent that they impeded every single social interaction. It’s more than just self-consciousness. But this pattern can be mended through the right education - which is what this series provides. Throughout these seven episodes, Dr. Ramani breaks down why those with avoidant personality disorder are at risk for other illnesses and unhealthy relationships, the APD causes and risk factors you should be aware of, and how to spot the seven traits of APD. She also explains how to find a professional that someone with APD can trust and how to alleviate social fear and anxiety through APD treatment. Additionally, Dr. Ramani sheds light on what treatment progress should look like and how to maintain it. She ends the series with key strategies for supporting someone with avoidant personality disorder. This series contains the tools you need to find relief from fear of humiliation.
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I have this disorder. But it sucks that those suffering cant get the education about their disorder without paying $20/mo or $50 annually. Sorry but thats just not affordable for people on fixed incomes or even students.
please cover the topic of maladaptive day dreaming and therapy for it.
Qqq
👍❤️
The biggest issue with having Avoidant Personality Disorder is the ingrained hatred of one's self and being so over critical of yourself. Welcome to my life.
The following video really helped me with this: czcams.com/video/agujZllnGkU/video.html
Well, I beg to differ. I do NOT hate myself at all. I just have an extreme fear of being criticized.
Its like youve read my mind
@@dkgraf3 Murdering the people responsible in my sleep is the only thing I will take as a treatment. No Medical Industrial Complex will help now.
Im with you, i hate myself so much i could not really belive someone could like me or have good intentions towards me.
For me the worst part of being in social situations is the drive home, replaying conversations in my head, picking apart things I said, feeling stupid and self-conscious and later lying in bed doing the same unable to go to sleep.
I was going to sleep 24 hours after any social situation, before I know the problem then I stopped any social interactions.
I know this feeling to my core. I started to over correct by not talking or engaging at all. Now people think I am anti-social 😢
Or even worse, recalling the memory 10 years later during a shower and feeling all depressed about it.
She is too warm and gives a feeling of security I wish to meet her personally once
When a psychiatrist actually enjoys their work...
@@DrVein phychologist*
Me too
I wish she was my therapist 🤗🥰
Me to 😓
Not only am I afraid of humiliation, my life is defined by it. Fear of embarrassment has kept me from pursuing activities I love (drawing, writing, playing piano) and pretty much everything I do is determined by the degree of humiliation it will potentially cause me.
do it little by little, working out reduces stress and builds confidence try it ms pretty
It's horrible isn't it? In our minds we think that everyone is a bad person or will do something bad to us or not like us, but in reality not everyone is like that.
I feel anxious and afraid even in front of little children , that's how bad my condition is
for me its worse around young children! i'm so anxious anything i say will somehow scar them for life, as a formative experience. like their little sponge brains will absorb some of whatever thing is so deeply wrong and fucked up about me and i'll ruin their whole lives.
hm same.... i am terrified of criticism from children.. shit, man
I thought I was the only one being scared of having to interact with children lol. Little kids have no filter whatsoever and occasionally drop truth bombs, aka say really hurtful stuff. Ironically children tend to latch onto me like crazy, to an extent that my family often calls me the ratcatcher of hamelin. Even when I was a kid myself the younger ones would be following me around and trying to be near me at all times, which I found bewildering and annoying for all I wanted was to be left alone and read. My theory is children can somehow sense that my emotional growth has been stunted and treat me as one of their own.
@@cielrobinson Same! No idea if it's AVPD but I know it's connected to anxiety, a lack of self-trust, and a negative self perception. Probably connected to my C-PTSD and ASD.
I can't talk to children, I don't know what to say or how to act and it's so awkward. It's way worse with children with me. I don't interact with them and when I do, it's a whole another level of being awkward.
Does anyone else feel a sense of community just from reading the comments posted here? Having avpd myself, I always view my faults as "just who I am" and i often feel like the most useless and unlikable person in the world. What's even worse is that I rarely consider my diagnosis as being any reason whatsoever, so everything is simply "my own fault." Reading through these comments from people describing issues very similar to mine makes me feel understood. Just knowing there are a lot of people out there who understands what it's like to live with this condition is freeing in a way. I wish you all the best.
seriall1337 yes, you are not alone!
You might like Terry Pratchett - Orcs. About Nutt, the orc, who was a creation of terrible people, who was so very awesome, and so very wrong about how the rest of the world viewed him - whilst not under the trigulation social stigma of 'orcs'.
Hi! You said you feel like everything is your fault and you dont really consider your avpd. I want to share with you something I read on childhood trauma. When our caregivers dont treat us properly and we're stuck in a bad environment during our childhood, a coping mechanism is to blame it on ourself. It helps us cope because we have no power to do anything. We cant walk away and find new parents. So we think we are the problem. I dont know if this fact helps you but it helped me understand myself a little bit more
In whatever situation l'm in I'm blaming myself and I know It's my fault and then I start pitying and mocking myself like a mean Bully but somehow I still love me
You are not alone!
I wish she was my mom. Imagine having an intelligent, amazing mom and psychologist all in one? If she was my mom I'd probably not have even gotten this disorder to begin with
Hahaha
No you do not wish her be ur mom. It’s different when family. Better off having her as a dr.
There is that 50% component of it being a partially genetic expression that has been scientifically explored (it's fascinating) but hasn't been vastly researched and this is something that I feel really should be further explored. I developed this condition with the same parenting as my siblings but my eldest sister expressed greater traits of narcissistic personality disorder instead. It's really bizarre. The code more than likely lies in our genes and how they express to form our brain chemistry and once they verify the exact gene that makes you more fearful and withdrawn, I'd love to have it edited live inside me with the CRISPR!
Oh, Lawd, There you go transferring your emotions toward this woman.
Sally May this is the saddest, most relatable comment ever
29 years later, never had a significant relationship, not a proper job or mental health to go into college, afraid to be me all day everyday. Yup that is me in a (empty) nutshell
I can relate. I'm living with my parents for the last 2 years. Didn't continue studies after Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Of course I don't have a job. Gaining weight has made getting out of my house even worse! All my friends are getting placed this year and here I am typing this comment. But I'll be applying in some universities this year. This rabit hole cannot be our whole life. Take care buddy. We're in the same boat and we'll get to the shore!
At least you know that you are afraid to be you, it's a start, it's difficult to even start to look for the small steps which will support you to be ok in your own skin and comfortable in your own mind, please try not to compare yourself with what other people have or achieved, we are all unique. You came here online so you are trying to support yourself, I salute you for that. Peace out.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm just a timid introvert, so my experience doesn't really match, I guess, , but I do hope you eventually find your way to be you and enjoy it.
Me to. I've been diagnosed with so many things, this seems closest. I hope you are ok!
I suffer from this too. you are not alone.
I’m constantly feeling overwhelmed like life isn’t real and I never feel like I’m in the moment talking to people I just feel like a robot pretending. Idk how to explain it, but I’m just so tired of it. I wish I could be myself but honestly i don’t even know who that is...
Hello Breahana thanks for saying this and I totally resonate with you .. it is like a feeling of ungrounded ....
i feel the same alot of the time!
Watch her videos on BPD. Get therapy
Some of the things you mention are also common feelings for people on the spectrum.
Wow same
I can talk fine to strangers but as soon as I see someone I know, I pretty much shut down
same i think cause when you know them they can talk about you that you became so red when talking
@@nadiabonnici7788 exactly , you can start coming up with things they might say or think about you as opposed to not having to even care because you’ll never see the stranger again
I do that :O I can talk to strangers on youtube all day but I get extreme anxiety from forming a friendship.. do I have this disorder? :(
I cried when I came across this. I thought it was social anxiety, this personality disorder has ruined my life, and I think there is a lot more stuff going on with me, its overwhelming
Don't worry there's many of us with this personality disorder. We can overcome it with time and the right practices.
I feel like I'm in the same boat. Your not alone. Hugs.
Hugs and love
I’m the same way
Even a year later, people are responding to wish you well and to let you know that you are not alone.
It doesn’t just come from a fear of embarrassment, but fear of unfamiliar situations, abandonment or getting hurt
why is this disorder so rarely talked about?
Because those with it live in the darkness. Those with ADHD live in the spotlight. People who aren't a pain in the arse to others are basically invisible. The wheel that squeaks the loudest gets oiled first!
Because from the outside it can be hard to see if it is just a case of somebody needing a slight push or if it really is a debilitating issue, especially since avoidant people are reluctant to be vulnerable to anybody and thus might downplay their problems to their therapists.
It’s the same with Social Anxiety Disorder. It sucks man
Because avoidant people dont go out, they dont socialize and they never speaks about their problem to anybody ( sometimes they dont even know what is wrong with them since this problem isn't that well known ). This is a disorder of a very hidden people that are basically invisible in real life.
Cuz we all avoid it
Growing up with neglect, insults, beatings, rejection, bullying at home and at school.. it's what life is, for everybody, if you're on your own.
I grew up the same way, I married a narcissist who molested and raped our children. I was diagnosed with Apd a year ago. Im also introverted. I don't do groups and I cant even handle the supermarket sometimes..
It's hard to shake the feeling that all of us are essentially alone in the world.
Dear Carmen...YOU ARE ENOUGH...you don’t need anybody...you can be strong and hold your own....it’s so comforting to have others to support you...it’s a comfy safe loving feeling....but some of us don’t have that luxury, we gotta do it ourselves..I’m one of those..I grew up around a parent who loved to bully me...she got off ostracising me and still does...it’s revolting behaviour....but I have taught myself to have boundaries and to learn to have SELF ESTEEM...this was KEY....i can kick anyone up the butt now, cos I’m confident in ME....
So embarrassing when I face my fears and try to get closer to people by being more open, just to be pushed away. Funny, how most of our society not comfortable being close or open to become closer to one another. To find confident people who are self accepting/decent self esteem is far and few. More than I expected. This is why we all are probably projecting our insecurities to one another. We are all more alike than not.
Bullying can exacerbate the development of these types of anxiety disorders
Yup bullied by my siblings every day, school wasn't much better. I have an older sister, (3yrs older) who is an over achiever. She refuses to admit we were abused. I was constantly compared to her at school, I gave up.
Indeed I literally hate all those who bully me as a kid. I’m very defensive and edgy can’t trust no one, so yes bullying can affect your personality as an adult due to bullying
Chris Xavier I was bullied so I have this
Yes! That's what happened to me. I was raised in a loving home but once I stepped outside, I experienced constant bullying from elementary school through high school and was in an emotionally abusive relationship in college 😞
thats how mine started.
gotta love sociaty -_-
I know the self-diagnosis of oneself is an eye roller, but I can relate to APD.
Daniel C there’s a difference between relating to something and self diagnosing. Your comment doesn’t sound like you’re doing that. If you’re worried though, I would encourage you to consult a professional. Good luck!
Self diagnosis is how you know something is possibly wrong and seek help. Most mentally ill people who receive any sort of therapy/medication usable have once done that.
If it were an attention seeker doing that, they wouldn't be able to fool any psychiatrist with more than half a brain.
Daniel C
If you feel like you may have this disorder see a professional. I have had sudden severe social anxiety and almost paranoia that everyone is judging me or talking about me behind my back so much that it’s impacting everything I do and I think I may have APD. I plan to see a professional who can clear it up eventually. There is NOTHING wrong with suspecting/questioning if you have a disorder, just don’t identify with it unless it has been proven by a professional. False self-diagnosis is where people can get annoyed
Sometimes even self diagnosis but it actually accurate to . Recently I found myself having APd .. did not know that in my life time befor that
xavi xavi I feel like that’s it too!! Like there’s no Blood test. It’s all someone who studies it. I truly believe you can self diagnose if you’re aware and intelligent enough. Maybe not one where delusion is involved. For example even I can admit I have narcissistic traits. Now I would like a professional to diagnose that bc I have a ton of empathy to the point that I become so involved that I am just so emotionally involved. Idk if that could he narcissism BUT like I said that’s a hard one to self diagnose. But this one ain’t hard to self diagnose lol...
The big difference between introverts/shy people and having AvPD is introverts and shy people are happier with less social interaction and their behavior is not dictated by neurotic self loathing. Imagine being so sure you are disgusting to look at, bland to talk to, and fun to gossip about. Its like paranoia, but you are certain you deserve your isolation because you are fundamentally unlikable/unlovable. I am an extrovert, I yearn for social interaction every minute of the day. But my fear and negative self image cripple me in satisfying that yearning every day.
Exactly finally someone why gets it. These things are A disorder not A choice and they ruin the person's life....
I hear you. Samesees.
The reason people with AVPD choose not to go to therapy isn't because of fear of embarrassment, it's because there's no therapists who treat AVPD. There's no group therapy either. And AVPD isn't simply difficulty with relationships, it's also avoidance of daily tasks, larger goals, and anything that's possible to avoid. Avoidance in itself is the disorder- relationships is only 1 aspect of that.
ok, that's helpful !
THIS. even getting up in the morning to do anything can be difficult, we avoid literally anything that can lead to embarrassment or discomfort
@@silencedangels5169 additionally anything that we fear we can't do or are afraid of.
Great point. I've thought for the longest time that my problem is social anxiety but watching these clips I'm wondering if it could be APD. However, I was already worried about not finding a therapist that would treat social anxiety where I live, now I highly doubt they would treat this.
@@noemita494no this is your overthinking telling you to not seek a DR. I think sometimes we AvPDs are our own worst enemy. By thinking that you won't find a DR you will not try to seek help which meana more isolation and more avoidance exactly what we shouldn't be doing. I thought like that too but then i figured out why not try it first and did now I have a job and got married last year, i sti pefer to ve avoidant, i think most people don't interest me but when i find someone i like i can approach them to befriend them
People say that those with avoidant personality disorder don't have an accurate appraisal of their appearance in social situations. I feel like in my own life, I have been humiliated and shamed *enough* times that the message sunk in
Having AvPD is the absolute worst... not only did it take 9 years of seeking mental health treatment for me to finally get the diagnosis (kept getting diagnosed with social anxiety, generalize anxiety, and depression), but finding adequate treatment has been incredibly difficult. It feels like an endless battle where the only person advocating for me is myself. And what’s worse is no one seems to see how hard I try to get past this... people just think I’m constantly running away, when I’m really trying my hardest to face scary situations and get better.
what's the difference with social anxiety?
@@JJ-io9dr social anxiety is more specifically in social situations and the person knows they’re being irrational, they can still have friends and hobbies and a job but can struggle with it.
With avpd the person believes that there is something wrong with themselves and that nobody will like them even if they tried, they can have social anxiety as a result of this.
I feel you so much. I totally get this. The endless search for a good therapist. This is the f**** worse. 😖 We obviously want to get better, but its very hard to find the right therapist. Stay strong. I will too. ♥️
Ive avoided certain people that make me feel anxious and socialize with people I feel secure with but there's always that feeling of wanting to disengage I have to force myself to stay in that interaction and not turn away.
I know that feeling 😩
Yup
Yes, I've eventually left all the social circles I had and friends due to this "separation force", now it prevents from having new ones. It would be ok if it didn't make me miserable every day because of the inadequacy and uselessness that I feel as a result of my loneliness
Is this the same as APD? I avoid people who have caused me great stress and now I'll avoid anyone who gives me the same feeling. When I have to be social I'm usually ok but I have an internal time limit and I'll go downhill and have to end the conversation. Like suddenly I'll get very anxious and almost hyperventilate. Many times I hope people can't see how uncomfortable I feel... but I think they always do. I need to fix this. :(.
She is so right about society over-pathologizing introverts a lot. I'm an introvert, and this has definitely been my experience.
@zerosum u and me both
That's because people don't understand that introversion is about how one person PROCESSES information and not about behaviour. They are simply misinformed. Any kind encouragement to them to fix their broken view would help so try it out when you meet such people - who knows, you might be in for a surprise.
Hence all this invasion of privacy. "If you're not doing anything wrong then you have nothing to worry about" LOL! Actions no longer matter in society. You can shoot someone and say you didn't do it so you must've not done it, despite being recorded on camera, as "cameras" are "conspiracy theories" when it doesn't support the destruction of the people. They are promoting criminal behavior as normal, turning good into evil and evil into good. This gooberment god worship has got to stop!
Introverts are psychopaths
Want proof
Hindu History Then extroverts are sociopaths.
This is me! I have been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and Generalized Anxiety but, I have felt that there is something else going on. ADP sounds like something I can relate to, and for me it is very crippling, and terribly painful mentally. People see me and I am judged partly because of my physical appearance, and by my quiet personality I am often misunderstood. To them they see me as being, "stuck up" or unfriendly. They don't know that in reality I feel paralyzed, and it's to the point where I can't bear being around people and would rather hide. This feeling is including family. It's hard because people are looking at what they see on the outside, but what they don't see is the mental anguish I feel on the inside.
Wow, im the same way...i ready to sit down and talk to someone...been struggling with this silently for too long...always being misjudged as stuck up, but they dont understand that I dont feel that way at all
I feel the exact same and can never relate to anyone. Everyone just says I have social anxiety and that everyone has it..:/ I hope you get better🤍
Wow this is my life I also
And I can’t get my doctor to take me seriously I just started Prozac and I hate taking it but I’m doing it for my sanity I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist it was abusive
what's the difference between avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety?
5:40 "Mom is going to be back because she is always back". Not true for some mothers, they are only there physically but not in essence. Separation anxiety disorder isn't "mom wont be back' but it's "Mom's essence is never there for me."
True to me it was emotional neglect.
Or "mom's essence doesn't really like me"
This disorder has stopped me from attending my graduation, birthdays from my lovely family, jobs and education and almost every relationship i've had the chance to make. The only relationships i'm able to keep are long distance relationships, sadly. This disorder is painful on many levels.
Than stop
I’ve lived with that most of my life - the main trauma is the three torturous days of brutal analysis and self-hatred that comes after a social interaction. Better not to go in the first place..
Jillian Green I know that feeling. I have managed to train myself to just say (to myself): "shut up, just shut up" once that critical voice starts up in my head.... because none of the analysis and mental self flagellation was helpful for improving my social skills anyway. I realised too, that other people are stuffing up socially ALL the time, so why should I worry about me being a bit hopeless at times?!
@@elipotter369 same! I tell that to myself too.
Yes, the fear beforehand and the days of self-hatred afterwards are actually worse than the social encounter itself, for me. I no longer have the energy or resilience to go through this.
very true, when in social settings, i either go mute or talk too much, there's no in-between for me like normal humans. Then, I'll spend the next week analyzing what i said or didn't say, then the self-hatred kicks in, my low self-esteem worsens. I decide not to interact with people again, but i still desire friendships/relationships. it's a vicious cycle
So true ...I m laughing and crying at the same time
I had APD from the age of 13 on. I was humiliated about my weight and the way I looked. I hated going to school because of the bullying and I hated being at home for the same reason. I cut school from 7 thru 12th grade until finally a counselor noticed that I wasn’t going to graduate with my class. I had stopped caring 6 years before. I went to summer school and did graduate. I’ve hated school ever since. I tried some college classes but felt like a failure so I quit. I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid being seen. I’m 65 years old.
I can absolutely relate, Carolyn. My situation was very similar to yours. Sending you a big hug.❤
4:50 "I'm okay with mom leaving because she is inside of me". The AVPD child does not feel that mom is inside of her, because mom neglects her so badly.
I think part of what helped me learn to cope with fear of humiliation (as my other comments should make clear) is coming to the realization that I can take it; that I can be humiliated and survive out the other side... A variation on the Litany Against Fear from "Dune", if you will;
"I must not fear humiliation.
Humiliation is the mind-killer.
Humiliation is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my humiliation.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the humiliation has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
I don't feel going out of house. These things effected my relationships, studies & everyday I possessed.
I don't even want to get the mail lol
Bri San I can’t even do phone calls.
@Kenneth Faulk How did you reduce it?
@@nasirb3914 me too
I learnt how to interact the hard way - I had to work as an instructor, bc there was no other job available and I desperately had to make ends meet. Now I can act - literal acting 🎭 - in front of others like a normal person. Until I reach home and literally crash. I developed extreme hyperhidrosis and hypertension because of my anxiety as a teenager. Now my nervous system is completely out of wack. I get surprised easily, get pain in the gut and migraine whenever I'm exposed to ppl or long conversations. Ppl in close proximity scare the hell out of me. It's an awful way of living. It's really a half-life. I don't wish this on anyone.
AVPD might very often just be Asperger’s.
Teaching did it for me! And I would sweat buckets. Fortunately, I lasted thirty years and made it to a full pension. But a sleep disorder doesn't make for a very pleasant retirement.
Hi try cold shawer in the morning and the wim hof metod you gonna cure of that
If anyone wants to talk about their APD, write me potatomutaito@gmail.com I think I have it too
@@katana5562 Really?? Why do you say?
I have been diagnosed with avpd in my early adulthood. I'm now 32 and have never had a relationship ☹️ it doesn't help when I also have generalized anxiety disorder and I have been stuttering since I was about 9-10. The only social life I have includes my siblings and our parents and going to a group therapy once a week where I can't/don't even speak unless someone asks me something. I truly feel like a failure 😑 (English isn't my mother language, in case I misspelled something)
yea..i stuttering a lot,,and i think this one of causes my AVPD,,Its very hard to interact witch people for me. So i rather stay alone- But ist verymentally and phisically exhousting to force myself when i have to meet some people, doctors etc. I also avoid my friend who i know 15 years. I allways feel tension with people.
Awww hi angel. I was diagnosed with the same yesterday and living each day is so difficult. I can’t even talk to my family and it’s the worst. Sending you so so so so much love. I believe with the right treatment we can get better please don’t lose hope. 💓💓
Yes, I’m seeing a psychiatrist on Wednesday to discuss my symptoms. I know for me... I struggled hard throughout grad school. I pushed everyone away from me because I thought they were conspiring against me. Anyways, fast forward to today. I’ve been in a two year clinically depressed state since I’ve returned from school. I’ve gotten a hell of a lot better at hiding it. I only keep my hidden mental thoughts to family and my therapist. I’ve learned to cope, dress, communicate, and act professionally. Things have gotten better and opportunities are arising. It I still have a tendency to mess up or misinterpret a persons intent... For example, I went out clubbing. Someone approached me and I panicked but kept my demeanor calm. Everything was going great and then we kissed... I thought they were doing it out of sympathy so I stopped and pulled away, felt angry at them....ruined it now that I look back. This is impacting my life and I’m hoping I can just be happy instead of putting this fake smile on all the time after misreading a person...
I can completely understand what you feel or go through because I face this everyday.
Isadora Moon 💕💕 here for you LOVE. Hope all is well
Living with a narcissist can cause development of this disorder or behavior pattern.
Bullying was a big deal during my childhood. And my father was an alcoholic
Bullied by aunties n cousins, father alcoholic mum left with another man....never had anyone to actually tell me u will be fine jux criticisms all the time
Same here
This is life ruining. I think I'm going to start filming videos about my experience with AvPD. Why arent we talking about this more? Thank you MedCircle!
Please, as someone who suspects someone close to me might have it, it would be great to hear about a real person's experience.
@@rj3899 I have 1 video up so far 😅
@@rj3899 the fact that you’re even seeking guidance for this person close to you is incredibly important. Going through this alone feels impossible and having someone who’s there for you is crucial. We need more people like you
This comment actually aged well
This is an interesting episode. It describes my one son perfectly. We had a healthy attachment. He was happy to go to school, happy to see me etc. As a preteen and early teenager, he got bullied horribly. He moved schools after two years, but the damage was done. A once happy and confident young boy, became depressed and started saying things exactly like what is mentioned. He became obsessed with what others thought of him and behaved in ways in social circumstances that made his problem worse.
This is the first time I actually understand what is going on with him. Thank you.
I also had very loving and caring parents, I was a very brave and funny girl, then at school i noticed no one wanted to be with me, they oly putting me names, I also had to change schools many times wishing for new starts and friends but I always ended up feeling like a ghost, always ended up alone. I couldnt finish university, i got kicked for absents, because sometimes I couldnt keep the courage to go out of my house. It was en 2012, Im 30 now, and trying to go to college again. Im worried about my parents, its sopposed i have to care for them now.
I am currently diagnosing my son (who is 22) with this disorder as well. I just learned about this today and I cant stop researching it and every descriptor fits my son to a T.
It is so sad to have a child with no friends and no relationships. Luckily he lives with his cousin and at least gets to work with him, other than that my son has no social life. He uses alcohol to cope with his anxiety and it is getting worse over the past few years. I am really worried about him. I dont even know how to tell him to look at information about Avoidant Personality Disorder because I dont want to make him even more self conscious.
Did you circumcise him?
Not meant to be condeschending, but the interviewer has clearly improved his communicative skills. Keep up the good work! This channel is very educative and for some people mind clearing
Hes learned from his earlier videos good on him
I think I need to admit I need help. 😞I have no friends, can’t talk to people, people have said they thought I was a bitch or did not like them bc I won’t talk, social isolation for four years except late night grocery shopping. When the phone rings I stare at in fear, and worst of all when my grandma and mom come over I lock my door and hide under the bed. 🥴
Hi
Wish I could have a Dr Ramani in my life 😂 she'd be the best go-to for problems
Me dying on the inside when they mention group therapy
Group therapy my worst nightmare
But if you imagine that everybody in the group is here for the same reason as you and can relate to you, isn't it reassuring somehow.
Was it an all AvPD group?
@@ranora1635 No.Not at all
Therapy groups should be banned. Never ever help me what so ever.
i get embarrased even if i think to talk with someone that already is talking with anyone else, i avoid to ask for directions in public, do errands or anything, i rather read the street names but my last resource is ask to stranges or unknows. i don't even go out of my room bc i know i'm social akward and i feel sad, so i can assume i have adp. There are situations that i have to face this fears and i succesfully get over them but i'm still feeling akward later, i'd like to have more confidence in myself and don't feel like that again.
You can speak to me on social media.
Hey! I know how you feel and I'm very sorry you're going through this as well. Just wanted to tell you to look into social anxiety/phobia, it sounds more like your case. Exposure therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy might help :) Hope you feel better and can overcome this!
You have social anxiety and if you get worse in the future you will have social fobia so you have to put work e very day
Avoidant personality disorder as been a curse all my life.
I was diagnosed with (major) personality disorder in Jan 1982 at the age of 17 years old after a very traumatic childhood. I was mentally abused by my step mother at the age of 6 & 7 years old. I spent 11 years in a children's home after my step mother abandoned me on the street at the age of 7 years old in 1971. My real father betrayed me, because he allowed my stepmother to put my in a children's home. My real mother would not get me out of the childrens home after she found out where i was, and her actual words were "he's better off where he is". So i guess that's where the overwhelming fear of abandonment comes from. Dissociation was a major problem through my school years all i did was daydream. My life as been a total mess i'm now 55 years old.
@G G no i've never healed
but you are here !
I rarely feel empathy for other people , but just because you have been going through this for so long I can't help it but be a little unpleasant about it because I'm going through the same things and I'm only 19 I just hope I don't grow as old as you are and still be the same because when I read your comment I couldn't help but to think of myself if I reached 55 and nothing changed.
I send you I hug ♥
I'm sorry you had to go through this bro
"Your life starts at the end of your comfort zone." I've noticed this quote while watching 13 Reasons Why season 3.
Is this quote Wright or wrong
Growing up constantly getting ridiculed, shamed and humiliated by one's family in a generally toxic home environment, in addition to being bullied at school in one's teenage years for being an ugly girl by pupils and teachers alike while having been denied the possibility of building the strength to stand up for oneself thanks to #1 and therefore having no safe place or person to turn to whatsoever, does that to you. One of my earliest memories is my dad making fun of me lol
i know some people when we were young they were shy but they grew out of it but my shyness has become worse and no matter how much i know people i,m still anxious and shy
I have the same life experience
I don't want to self-diagnose, but the fear of embarrassment has kept me home and away from activities. I've had so many break downs because I was so anxious. I ALSO HATE. ABSOLUTELY HATEEEE. ORDERING FOOD. I HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE DO IT FOR ME OR ELSE I WANT TO CRY
I was diagnosed like two months ago with APD... i had an awesome childhood, i was a very independant kid tbh. Something goes wrong in the path.
I was brought up in a solitary environment no friends and grandparents I think that started the process in me
That's hard to believe.
The very few people I disclosed my AvPD have told me I'm normal because I look and act normal. They don't know what they are talking about.
My friends say the same. They know what they’re talking about. They just don’t know what we’re feeling.
She is so amazing. Very smart woman!
I believe I had a normal attachment style as a child but there were situations along the way where increased damage to self esteem in my childhood family environment increased inhibition. That was reinforced by many moves to different schools with no familial emotional support. In truth this a training process of learning to be a victim. Once a person sees themselves as as a victim they begin to socially isolate.
Going out of the house is a struggle for me, places with so many people like the Malls, noises of traffics and public vehicles literally noisy places with a lot of people. i have social anxiety! anxiety of public humiliations! afraid of strange new things like going to public places with noise of music being played. public places like Malls, Churchs, everything that is new and unfamiliar. it is because i never go out of the house and I'm sheltered. unfamiliar noisy places with a lot of people. OMG! struggling with anxiety! 😭🤕🤯 scared of being followed and surveillance because of the music and media. everything is strange and new like going out on Malls, churchs and public places with a noisy background with lots of people. This is highly Stressful for me. 😭🤕🤯 Im really sick and need a therapy. I find it highly stressful. I need help! 😵🤕🤯
I found it helpful to assume that people will judge you for mistakes about as harshly as you would judge them for theirs. Usually it’s not that harsh and they usually forget about it soon.
I have APD and still struggle with being myself around others and feeling confident in myself especially in social situations but it’s all about practice and being kind and learning to love yourself despite your mistakes. Judging and hating myself never ever made me grow and get better but loving myself purposefully and intensely I have learned to get better with my problems. I did this with living with the same family who have caused me the traumas and living in the situation. Of constantly trying to grow and not be triggered Nd loving self more despite the stressful judge mental environment I live in. I have 0 friends and 0 support from anyone. I have just been very intent on getting better
I feel you Kayla, actually, I wrote my story in this video. Look at the earliest comments. Don't worry, there are a lot of people like us. One day, we'll find the right friends for us. Good luck on your journey and be strong!
very glad someone professional is finally talking through this, it is very misunderstood or not even well known. Difficult to handle
I feel this, im 25 (diagnosed with GAD/ Social anxiety and depression with bpd like symptoms) and i relate to this, had substance abuse problems too, will do ANYTHING to isolate n withdraw cuz the inferiority when i'm around some people is so overwhelmed, can barely function. D:
I'm the same way
@@jdrichardson39 Hope youre alright dude, we're in this together!
I can relate, too. How are you managing?
I can relate to this, social anxiety is absolutley deliberating. hope you all are doing okay!
My only memory of kindergarten was screaming when my grandmother dropped me off. I went to nursery school fine. But kindergarten made me flip my shit the first day. I didn’t want her to leave so she sat in the back of the class until I forgotten because I started eating crayons. I don’t believe I cried ever again realizing I had a full supply of crayons to chew.
You must have reached nirvana when you tried paste.
Hahaha that's adorable !
I spent my entire 20s going into group settings. Never had therapy for AvPD (didn't know it was a thing!!) I did workshops, I spent a lot of time on online forums (of course) but also I went into retail, which was miraculous of itself. I learned that in spite of my massive stage fright, and failure to form bonds with others beyond the group settings (whether is was work or school) I could really get a sense of group dynamics and social interactions in a healthy way. I also discovered that through types of jobs where you are seen as an authority, where people come to you and they have a built in respect for your knowledge, it seems to somewhat bypass the built in shame of the self that we have. You can gain a sense of purpose by having this kind of dynamic. I went into hairdressing, and although I was let go after 3 months in the feild because I was "too quiet" for the group there, I learned a great deal, including social skills I still use with the public now. It was how I got into retail. And now I am becoming a massage therapist. I love one on one interactions and when you know prior to your interactions that you are actually respected and not going to be ridiculed, it makes a difference. Of course there is still the inner fear of not being respected, but I think there are ways around and through this disorder, but it may take decades of doing things that really scare you and listening closely to your inner voice. It doesn't go away but you can make it better. My conviction over hiding that I am socially inept has caused me to force myself to be more socially able. Kind of a double negative attitude that pushed me to some semblance of functionality. Not saying that I have ever hit a successful career yet where I don't have to depend on others financially in my mid 30s but I know I will get there before my 40s. It sucks when life feels like it is constantly on hold because of something like that, but there are ways out, and yes it takes more patience than most people can even imagine having.
A child coming from narcissistic environment already has lack of confidence and I'm not enough. They feel fear for their safety in social interactions! They feel if they are unable to deliver, people may lash out at them. They may be met with aggression. Since early childhood they see anger outbursts, physical aggression screaming name calling as normal expression of showing disapproval! Any advice or video for people like that :)
@@FarzanaHaq1I'm in my 40s and still struggling with this. I wonder if Dr. Ramani has a support group for people who need guidance.
this is brutal to watch. jfc. Hearing about "self soothing" is when it really clicked for me. As a kid I used to cry when my parents left me at school to the point my teachers thought there were problems at home. I was just always on my own and used to self-soothe with food because my mom was always watching TV and my dad was always busy on the computer. Now I still don't know how to do it and I just beat myself up .
Welcome to the living hell called AVPD (or APD)
Yeah, got diagnozed with it last year (social phobia as well) after 6 year of multiple mayor depressive episodes ,4 of them mostly just visiting a psychiatrist who didn`t do much besides prescribing medication . I was happy about that since i was "avoiding" every social interaction and confrontation with my true self. The i was in a 5 month rehab which disillusioned me from many dysfunctional disbeliefs i have had and got exposed to a lot of my behavior and social situations, searched it up and found out about AVPD I have ADD ( or inattative ADHD) ; im hypersensitive and a very compulsive person (and a few other less relevant disorders). All these three things are often seen with AVPD .
:D
Ive been carrying this lovely trait with me for many many years.
Atlanta police department
You correctly named it "living hell." Everyday is filled with fear. A fear which is worthless.
I don't know if this is the same thing but try spending 30 years in a career where 90% of your interactions with other people are some kind of conflict, criticism or you are expected to continually meet ridiculous deadlines - you can develop a mindset where you just don't want to have any interactions with people in any setting. That's where I am at today.
exactly...i was not able to mantain a job due to permanent tension inside me when interacting with people
I think it's not about avoiding bad jobs situation...avoiding some bad situations is prqgmatism
RavishingTwinkle - All I know is being in the wrong type of job for your temperament is like being in a horrible marriage. Been there done that.
I can relate but I joined your boat in less than 6-8 yrs..I was a very nice, caring and supportive guy but now it's like I don't have that mind-set. Not completely gone but mostly
You must be a cop.😿
This is me uhg. I really want to overcome it so I can achieve my dreams.
same friend!!! group therapy is great, i highly suggest it
I have found that I'm introverted and empathetic. I always wondered why I would be severely punished for missing a question in math. My teacher, when I was in fourth grade, brought me to the front of the classroom and punched me in the back and pushed me. Then she called my father who walked up to the school in his house shoes and beat me with a belt in front of the class. That was allowed back in the 60s.
That set me onto the road of not ever to be humiliated again. I am not necessarily scarred by it, but it makes me feel for other people who are feeling humiliated.
I still don't ever feel socially embarrassed. At least I haven't yet. I'm introverted still oh, but you're right. I don't think I need a label
I got kicked out of a chair for not paying attention to a substitute teacher because I was drawing. That killed any positive concept I had of school. I know so well that all it takes is one incident to change your projected path.
@@BlaqueCzar it does take one incident. Fortunately for me it wasn't that particular one. I became a school teacher for 20 years in the same school system, but watching bullies and mean parents and mean teachers no matter how great the industry is, made me so sick I went to work for an airline as a ticket agent which was where I could make people feel good about themselves in their fear of flying. The agents were mean so I left. Now I trust nobody, yet I help everybody. What a shame
FWIW, I hated group therapy. To me, it was just another places where I was either ignored or misunderstood. Where nobody really wanted to hear from me because my problems and the way I expressed them were just too alien and strange for them to understand, so I would say things and people would just blink and move on to the next thing. Where people still didn't like or respect me even when I was doing more to facilitate the group than the psychiatrist and his nurse. So fuck group therapy. I need someone to LISTEN TO ME.
Also, not being treated properly by toxic close friends can trigger APD, as I've had my experiences now I can't trust people fully out of fear of being treated the same way.
I wonder of it's possible to misdiagnose avoidant personality with Social Anxiety.
I had thought I have had SA but I have been what she describes since I was a kid. Totally was scared I would be humiliated so I would not even play sports in front of other kids. (For example)
Its quite likely , since both disorders are similar and highly comorbid , which means one person who has once disorder has the other as well (as i do) .
What you need to understand: all these various "disorders" are not real things, they are just subjectively and often arbitrarily defined concepts to communicate typical manifestations of mental phenomena that people struggle with. Since some of these concepts are used to describe phenomena that manifest in a quite similar way in the real world, there is naturally an overlap between those concepts.
Fig Towers I have both
I have this it’s robbed me of so many opportunities I passed up because of a fear of being embarrassed.
Can you make a video on how to overcome this ugly disorder?
I have avoidant personality disorder due to bullying as a kid and not having love from my parents. It sucks because sometimes I wanna do social things but I can’t let no one in my life. Sad
Positive affirmation will help a lot.
I repeat these all day, it helps so much.
I also just wrote a comment about it, at the top
More in details
I am grateful
I believe in my abilities
I am courageous
I am happy and grateful
I am safe
I am grounded
I am protected in this world
I know how to defend myself
I set healthy boundaries
I am loved
I am respected
I believe in myself
I believe in my inner strength
I am confident in myself
People respect me
I have no fear
I love myself
I’m sorry, I love you please forgive me
No problem at work but i'm 47 yo and never had a relationship and i have no "real" friend. APD sucks.
Kay, No worries, I will be your friend. You deserve a good friend. You are the best.
@@tiffanygrimsely14 and me 3!! I'm dating a guy like this. It's super hard. But he's my buddy now. I told him he's stuck with me 😁 I love everyone. I wish you were near. We'd be bff's
Dr Ramani, Kyle, I have seen these media circulating, and I can say your videos can save many lives, and turn them into productive and happy people. Thank you so much for this content!
Recently I was diagnosed with avoidant PD and borderline PD. The intensity of the emotions of BPD and pain and anxiety brought by AVPD literally caused me to have a heart attack at 23. The doctors were really worried about my mental state. Therapy helps people, one step at a time.
Jesus christ I hope you're ok
@@katieb2098 I was hospitalised for 7 weeks. They were tough but necessary. Then I had to distance myself from my family. To them I am never good smart or pretty enough. But now, with therapy and medication, I'm doing great 😀
@@rachell452 I'm very happy to hear that !!
Can online therapy will help or not ?
@@realclasses3186 it does. Since the Covid19 situation started, all therapy sessions were online. But face to face therapy is best in my opinion.
I think this sounds like me. Fear of rejection and humiliation is real for me and I tend to keep conversation short and vague with people. I guess I was bullied more than my peers and being constantly put down by my older siblings in public settings cus i was younger and yeah maybe embarrassed them cus i was younger and said dumb things.
And also I think not getting the same socialization ( i.e. sports, clubs) as a young child like my older siblings, prevented me from learning social skills. Additionally my mother had a mental break down when I was around 6 and was neglectful and unreliable and unsafe to be around for certain reason I won't mention here... so I really never had the same chance to have the same experince at a critical age like my older siblings.
I always thought it was just my fault for my personality but over time I'm seeing why I'm so different, can't make friends, date or trust or love like my siblings so easily can.
It really pisses me off the more I think about it and makes me angry that I never got the same rearing as my older, judgmental and condescending spoiled siblings.
But my distrust of others has really hurt me more than those that actually hurt/neglected me did at this point though. Gonna see if I can get an appointment to see if this is what I might have and maybe find a way to break out of my social distrust and anxiety and let others in. Wish me luck.
I completely understand and I hope you've found help in all this! My "family members" and those who were supposed to take care of me used humiliation as a form of punishment! They should have been hung because of that. Too bad I was too young to understand what was going on.
Was recently diagnosed with borderline, avoidant and paranoid personality disorder and also other symptoms from other personality disorder. And watching these videos really helps me understand myself. Thank you!
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted
Omg is anyone else just when they see some embarrassing moments or some thing u have a trauma with you freak out ? Like you see a embarrassing video of someone then you start to panic then u quickly exit the video that's how I am i don't know what I'm feeling it's so fucking strange I don't know I don't knowww like a video that's supposed to be private then it goes public then you start to panic? That's how I am.
great subject -- i think we all have similar fears. Some are just farther along with how to deal with it.
Well said.
Avoidant attachment style is what this is & it's caused by parents who abandoned their kids, bad relationships, lots of family trauma. A good example: Will in the movie Good Will Hunting. This is horrible for the person trying to love the damaged. The avoidant ends up being the one who causes damage to people who try to love them because, they ghost or go into escape coward mode. It's crushing & in my experience the signs are excuses around vulnerable issues & only being around for happy times. In tough times M.I.A. I'm explaining this in hopes to save someone else from Extreme heartbreak 💔🙏
Thank you ♥
I think it's Disorganized attachment style instead, the mix of avoidant and anxious.
She is the best! I really admired you Dr. Ramani.
After being gas lit consistantly throughout my younger years has created a horrible fear of going back to school to further my education and I need too!!! Horrible and i am way too old for this!! Humiliation was used always due to my daydreaming and learning disabilities by mom leading and school personal. It's been paralysing and i have to do this to change my life as it depends upon it. Horrible, i accept me as i am why cant other people just be ok with it? Took along time for me to accept myself, a dreamer always but when in college the same thing happened again, more humiliation. Too old for this nonsense, need to do it already.
The most important part of this video is that a certified psychologist is the one talking about this issue not some self-certified 'MoTiVaTiOnAl SpEAkERs' .
Thanks to the certified clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani for bringing up the pathological part of the disorder. I thought I might have it and I have concluded that I probably do cause of how I berate myself. I will work on that.
I love Dr. Ramani's segments. I feel like she talks about really unknown disorders; at least very unknown to me.
Dr. Romani seems like love and light personified. Anyone who had her as a therapist would be so fortunate. I hope her children truly appreciate her.
the worst part of all this is not having ONE human i can talk to, bc people blow me off like i'm being crazy or dramatic.
Thank goodness some relief. Much needed and appreciated.
I haven't watched the video but I know I have this disorder. I just didn't know it was a personality disorder wow can't wait to watch!
This is exactly how I been my whole life.. it's a miracle that I was able to get married and have kids. As rough as my life is I'm blessed...😢😢😢😢😢
Same here.
@@happydogg312 you have to feel fully comfortable around a person and know your flaws don't bother them.. that is the only way.. it has to be a very caring and understanding person
@@happydogg312 😔🙏🙏🙏
I am schizotypal and i get embarrassed when lights go on in a movie theater i feel stupid and want to hide
I suspect I have features of AvPD. I blame myself for everything that happens to me because I could have made different choices, even though objectively it's probably not my fault. It took a long time for me to stop fearing social interactions and relationships, and I still have traces of it in my subconscious. And my attachment style is fearful avoidant.
I love to listen dr.Ramani....so helpfull videos...thank u so much for this awareness....
re: primary caregiver (aka MOM) leaving child at daycare, then reuniting.
yeah, dumping your kids with strangers all day is going to make them secure. It's why we're so much more mentally/emotionally stable than we were 70 years ago. Oh, wait, we're not...
Can APD be a result of having a narcissist PD parent? Thank u for this video so much awareness raised, I feel blessed for finding Dr Ramani videos, finally found someone that has helped identify and put a name on a lifetime of abusive relationships. Thank u medcircle
I suffer from APD and my mother is a narc.
I was thinking te same thing. Both my parents are narcs.
definitely
My father is an anxious avoidant and his parents were pure narcs
I have avpd, my father was a narc, my mother physically and emotionally abused me, my father sexually abused me. I married a narc. He did so much damage. I cant open up to a therapist, ive been trying for about 20 years. I would much rather talk to a friend. I dont have many of those either.
Recovering from this disorder. Self diagnosed. Can and do talk to strangers in shops now. will still get embarrassed occasionally but do not turn beet red and hot as a fire as often.Self therapy, too
If you're criticised (even mildly) does anyone else get urges to beat the living s**t out of the person/people? I ruminate about it for days, weeks, sometimes years later.
Yes. Although I experienced violence as a child and its sort of normalized for me. It plays into my avoidant style because I tend to assume other people, especially other men, are just as violent as I am.
Thank you for all the information. You're great! God bless ❤❤❤
I have not been diagnosed with this but this sounds just like me! I always thought I was the only person that felt this way. It does feel nice to know I’m not alone in this
Thank you for another great video !
Dr. Ramani, would you do a video on attachment in people who were adopted as infants?
Excellent topic!
This sheds alot of light. Thank you Dr Ramani. Now what are the solutions?
Thank you so much for giving hope and assurance that people with AVP can be better with therapy and support system. i just watched a diff video discussing about AVP and the therapist just simply said : MOVE ON AND THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO HOPE. It frustrates me to the core. a new subscriber here :)
So much to learn from this doc. She is amazing!!!