How To Reclaim Your Power From A Narcissist
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 11. 06. 2024
- Learn how to outsmart and reclaim your power from a narcissist with two magic phrases.
If you're looking to take control and power back from a narcissistic individual, this video is for you.
Discover empowering techniques to protect yourself, set boundaries, and regain confidence.
Don't let a narcissist manipulate you any longer - watch now and learn how to stand strong in your own power.
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I teach the four pillars of the Authentic Self Cycle: Truth, Responsibility, Healing, and Forgiveness.
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My ex wife was a brutal narc. Her goal in life was to wipe the smile off my face if it ever should appear at anytime, any place. She would start dramatic arguments out of the blue in an effort to enrage me. After useless marriage counseling, the counselor told me the wife was narcissistic with borderline personality disorderâŠa no cure miserable marriage.
I no longer allowed her to tie me down while she berated meâŠwhen she started up, I simply said fuck youâŠand walked away. She absolutely lost her mind when I did this. Screaming at me. I thought she was going to gouge her own eyeballs out. Then, like the flick of a switch, she got niceâŠher sickness in full view. Divorcing her bought me back my soul.
Truly incredibleâŠ
My dad and my ex are versions of this.
I need to figure out how to never react to them.
I share a child with the ex, so I have to see her pretty often.
Iâm just trying to make sure my daughter comes out of this as undamaged as possible.
@@TheWorld_2099 â @TheWorld_2099 I wish you well. Be empathetic to your daughter, lord knows your ex will not. Narcs can be incredibly cruel and cold hearted.
People ask me why I married my ex-wife...I knew her for 4 years before I married her. 4 years she played the long game and made sure I was trapped before she tore off the mask.
This is no lie...On our honeymoon, we were getting relaxed having a couple drinks. Things were looking good. Then out of the wild blue yonder she says, "Oh, by the way, I had an abortion when I was 19." Something inside me knew at that moment I was screwed. WTF do you do with that?
Well done have a great life đ
I wouldn't say 'let me' think about it. I'd prefer to say - I'll think about it.
"I must think about it" not ask permission as in "let me"
You called this one out clear, nice improvement to apply.đ
I initially agreed with you because 'let me' could be construed as begging or less power, but after a bit more thought I believe it is a manner of speech that does not actually signify a request, and would be laughable to be taken as such, yet at the same time it sounds more polite and lessens the combative/pronouncement tone. Remember that your power is only internal and you will never convince the narcissist of it, so stick to the expression "let me think about it" because of how common it is as an expression and don't stray from the formula. You also can get private satisfaction when they eventually let you go that they actually did what you asked them, they "let you!" I really think Kenny Weiss nailed it.
@@anneard1674 it has nothing to do with permission. It's a figure of speech.
Never complain, never explain.
It's never apologise, never explain
@@petejandrell4512 That only works when you're a Royal. In real life for the rest of us, it's important to apologize when you owe someone an apology if you want to have good relationships with others.
God clearly explains how to talk through problems in a loving and righteous way seek and you shall find the answer.
@@filly3594 What is a Royal if not a corrupt? They are no different from any government. Also sick of this latest government fad...the narcissist!! People need to grow a backbone, use logic for a change and fight back against corruption rather than be indoctrinated by criminals!! Think for yourself. You don't need to be told how and when to handle yourself. You know right from wrong don't you?
Very true.
I am tired of having those narcissists around. The more I know about narcissism, the more I am aware that I have friends who are among them.
It's on a spectrum, obviously, but same here. I also realized recently that self suppression is basically the same spectrum: The more self suppressed someone keeps their emotions, then the less empathy they have for anyone around them
I know now that many classmates were showing severe signs of future narcissists from a very young age (below 10) but I did not understand it back then
@@yumnom69420 Absolutely. I am a retired educator. I saw evidence of narcissistic traits in very young children. In districts where I worked, we use to offer the Roots of Empathy... programs.
@@othmane-mezian Yes. I observed narcissistic traits in very young children too. I am a retired educator. In the districts where I worked we use to offer two programs... Roots of Empathy Program as well as Anti-Bullying Programs...
@@gaetanemcgraw5567Not easy to deal with .. Great idea to have dedicated programs bullying can leave bad scars on the personality.. I am talking from Morocco
No contact is the first step
Only thing that worked in the end.
Avoidance is always a great option, but not always possible.
No contact is the only step â€
Absolute truth. Words of wisdom.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
My grandma used to say "this does not work for me" and my mother was always furious about it :). Thank you
Me: "Let me think about it"
Narcissist: "That doesn't work for me"
Me: (too bad)
I particularly like the part toward the end where you say that you donât have to explain anything because youâre an adult. Thatâs really what it boils down to.
I still tell my wife that when she tells me off like a little kid đ
Don't react. Don't show emotion. Work within your time frame.
Live your life. Walk at ease show no fear
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
@@cherobinson6371 Is this a quote?
Reactions and emotions are a God given gift for you to express how you feel so that you can work things out with your fellow man in a righteous way as God commands us to do so. Always work within the time frame of God it's the correct and only path and only God has the final say in all matters.
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
Said this to my covert malignant narc bro after 60 years of blind adoration. Stopped him in his tracks. Havenât heard from him in 6 months! đ
he's waiting for you to get back to him :)
A 6 month party and still counting. That's awesome!
Wow, thatâs unbelievable..!
Congrats man.
Had that with a best buddy, and I saw that he wasnât actually interested in working things outâŠIâm not going to chase him anymore, he bailed and I donât need that BS anymore.
I was in the car with a woman from church who was so flattering and sweet. Until I said I didn't want to do a particular thing for her. Lol, she really thought her popularity and charm could run the show. She was trying to get me to be her kids chauffeur, and I didn't bite. She snubbed me after that. But guess what... I'm not someone who has to be in her popularity circle for me to feel good. I already like myself. đ
Good for you.
Outstanding! I once had a coworker tell me he didn't like me. My reply was; " That's ok, I don't need you to like me for validation, God did that the day I was conceived."
@@bdickinson6751Excellent!
So much narcissism in the church too. They use the bible and its teachings to control you/things. What better place for a demon to act against God?
The golden rule - NEVER justify your no. Aggressive people simply cannot hear no so it has to be short, sweet, and believable. Less is more. Broken record just like this or "sorry I can't" over and over.
This happens in a lot of places. "Can you come to work this weekend?" "No." "What are you doing instead?" Well, if you answer that at all, you're implying that the boss gets to judge whether what you're doing is more important than working on the weekend.
"There are many experts who disagree with you. (Or, there's lots of evidence for X. Or many times Y has happened.)" "Oh? Name one!" The person asking doesn't want you to name one because they don't know. They want you to provide one example so they can claim victory by poorly explaining why that particular one is wrong. Just say "here's the google terms to get a whole bunch" and they can't argue that *you* are wrong.
I love this insight! Will learn to AUTOMATICALLY come out of my mouth. Damn, canât wait to use it. Thank you!
I'm with you on this. No is a complete sentence.
When my children were young and kept pushing me for an answer, I would tell them if they had to have an answer âright nowâ, my answer would always be âNoâ. Narcissists are children!
my version at work: do you want a quick answer, or a correct answer? :D
Indeed thay are. My 84 yo husband, until nearly his end (at the end he was under a morphine cloud) was an emotional toddler at worst and an emotionally immature teeny most of the time. His amazing self control was only there when we first met and the early months...it was part of his mask.
I told my daughter and granddaughter the same thing. I hate whining, HATE IT. I told them if they whine, it is no, it will always be no, and I won't change my mind. They are not whiners, also, do not give them an ultimatum, they will walk away from you.
That they are, regardless of their chronological age.
I think it's more like children are narcissists. They're totally dependent on you, so of course they're going to survive more than their siblings who aren't demanding. Telling them "no" will get them to grow out of it, like everyone should.
Be your own person, mind your own business, work at your own pace, have your own gravity
Oo i like that gravity part!! To feel that in yourself is powerful, and it can be cultivated. Thanks for that focus word!!
Once you engage, you are done!
Nonsense. Learn to look somebody in the eye and say "no".
@@glorgau rather arrogant, aren't you?
@@rileyhoffman6629 The universe revolves around me.
â@@rileyhoffman6629arrogant for saying no? lol what
@@Wreoyu You broadcast your ignorance.
Yes, if they cannot control you they will try to get rid of you.
Bingo
Wow, that's spot on! That was my mom in a nutshell!
Adios thenđ
Omg I have dealt with so many narcissists in my life !!!! I had a co worker that was like âprove to me youâre not an idiotâ and then
I said â I donât have to prove anything to you!!!â
And then he was like â well, then Iâm going to keep thinking that you are an idiotâ
And I was like â you go ahead and do thatâ
If you try to prove yourself to them, itâs going to be a never ending battle ⊠it will keep going on and on and on. All they will do is make fun of you and tell you that you are pathetic for trying to prove yourself to them.. they love this power.
Can we take all of the narcissists and ship them to a different planet ????
Had a new boss who was hooked on power like that. He just wanted to think I would do anything for him and fear his authority. Unfortunately, I got sucked into his games, letting him make me look like I was of low worth in the workplace. There was nothing I could do but leave.
You can add âI donât owe you any explanation, it just doesnât work for meâ.
Exactly. You've got it now.
Iâve had to consider this with neighbors. One neighbor, who wants me to decide to either move into or sell the house Iâve inherited, sooner rather than later and wants the trash of my motherâs hoard out of the yard. The second part, I work on by removing trash daily and I can tell her, âThank you for your suggestion,â in regards to paying whatever sums of money she doesnât even care about, to hire a trash removal service. But the first part? I can tell her, âThank you, Iâll get back to you.â She can just go inside and be angry as, she has no legal standing as to how long the house remains empty.
Neighbors can be a real problem though. In the apartment complex I still live in, there are the neighbors, who âdecideâ youâre going to be their free caregiver or babysitter, without considering whether you want to or even can. They do not like boundaries and will smear and otherwise sabotage you, if you donât comply. I remain centered and indifferent.
I grew up in a house full of narcissists, only I didn't realise it at the time. In fact it took me the best part of 50 years to realise it. Having a mental breakdown two years ago and realising who was there for me, definitely cleared the mist. I've now disassociated myself from them. It was difficult at first, as they were family, but two years on I'm in a much better place without them đ
good for you, it is really tough. I stopped trying with my sister and still get made to look like the "guilty" party
@@juliamilford1979 funnily enough my older brother can do no wrong. I've definitely always been treated like the black sheep in the family, but nowadays I'm actually happy about it, I'm better off out of it đ
@@barrystraw3332 Oh I hear you, my sister is like that too. I hope you have someone who sees the true situation that you can talk to. I endured many years of "all she ever wanted was to be your friend" and similar comments. So I went my own way and live very contentedly on my farm in the mountains.
@@juliamilford1979 A farm in the mountains sounds idyllic, I would imagine that secretly, your sister is probably envious. Good for you đ
@@barrystraw3332 đđđ
PERFECT! Without realizing it, I have done that. He wanted me to let a friend of his to borrow my RV. I said, "I'l think about it and get back to you." I didn't get back to him, I made him get back to me. I told him, "I thought about it and the answer is NO." "No" with nothing else drives a narcissist crazy! It causes them to move on to somebody else for narcissistic supply.
yes no makes them upset as you are no longer being used or giving them narcissistic supply, i am an agreeable person i have had to train myself to say no and be more strong in setting boundaries . i am now enjoying saying no its liberating
Who is "he" and if it is a boyfriend or husband, it seems from the outside looking in that you stayed with them.
Help those in need for you never know when you will be in need.
@@lindseyg9666 This philosophy in this video is secular, God teaches us to love our neighbors help one another and pray for those that wish us harm.
â@@TBD3.0On the other hand, we shouldn't enable evil people. Jesus said "Listen! I am sending you out just like sheep to a pack of wolves. You must be as cautious as snakes and as gentle as doves." (Matthew 10:16, Good News Translation)
I will be watching this video every morning as a reminder! It is pure GOLD. Thank you, Kenny!!! â€
You are so welcome :)
I will be rewatching this one also ! Itâs genius ! Thanks a bunch đ€
â@@kennyweissbrilliant thanks there are a lot of narcs around đ
2 years after getting pushed out by the narcissist. I've just begun to see how much better life is. 9 years together. 2 kids 2 and 6. Now 4 and 8. It was rough at first. It's better this way.
Good for you!
Story of my life! Divorced narcissist and unfortunately my son is very much like him! đą
This seems to leave a door open for them to come back after trying to think of a new way to manipulate you. Iâve learned that the best response is simply no. If they press for a reason. I say, I donât want to. The look on their face, you can just see their brain shut down. Itâs priceless. Then watch how fast they disappear. Learning how to do this brought peace to my life.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
Close the door for good and take your life back. Dealing with them takes too much out of me. I have too many friends where the energy flow is kind and very mutual.
You never owe a reason, they just want to be like a salesperson and remove your objections or see if your reason suits THEM.
Exactly! I am not remembering a phrase because you have issues. No, if you ask me why, it is because I said no. What don't you understand about no, is something wrong with you? That is my response to people making foolish requests.
Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I canât stop thinking about her, Iâve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, Iâm frustrated, I donât see my life with anyone else. Iâve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I canât, I donât know why Iâm saying this here, I really miss her and just canât stop thinking about her
These conversations between bots are getting out of hand.
If it isn't mutual , it's lost , I am sorry . A month isn't very long to give yourself to heal , of course you miss her . Stay focused on the activities that support your mental and physical health, the things you enjoy . Avoid the ice cream and sad movies nights, no assumptions , avoid settling into the grief as a way to remain connected ( looking at photos of the past as an example ) . Let the grief pass through your life , you will not move forward if grief is invited to stay . Best wishes.
@@mousetreat Ikr? At first I was like oh and then I was like hmmm and then I realized
Get a life. Maybe she left because you were too needy or clingy. It wouldnât surprise me one bit.
Yes they are
My kind of man . . . straightforward . . . No B.S.
You are reminding me of the time I picked up a dysfunctional landlord who rented me one room, and after I moved in, wanted to put me into a little closet. I kept saying no, and he kept pushing and asking why, and I finally said "Because I checked with 'My First Name' and she doesn't want to." Not saying this is a functional way to go about things, but that WORKED - he shut up. I used that one other time with someone else who just did not seem to feel I had the authority to express my own thoughts / feelings, so I finally repeated checking with me by my first name and again got the result I wanted!
I saw a movie where a narcissist was yelling and threatening someone sitting in a car then the bloke in the car calmly, with a knowing look, responds with "That was a very manly thing to say" and casually drove off. Loved it. Im going to use that one day.
The boundary has been established, and they struggle to cope with it. This approach is incredibly effective. You'll witness a mental breakdown, revealing their narcissistic tendencies without a doubt. Great example Sir!
The only example you should take is Gods example and that is to love your neighbor help your neighbor pray for those that wish you harm do on to others as you would have done on to you. Work out your issues in a righteous way as God commands you too, if you do these things you will never go wrong by following Gods example and only Gods example.
@@TBD3.0 Yeah you need to read more. Psalm 1:1 âBlessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.â Also, 1 Corinthians 15:33 âBe not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.â And let's not forget 2 Corinthians 6:14-10 âBe ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?â While yes you need to have companions and love for others you are advised to distance yourself from evil work and stepping away/ defending yourself from a narcissist is in that category.
Very well said. You don't owe the narc any explanation. Being honest and open will always backfire, gets you nowhere! Vicious cycle.
I'm starting to understand this wisdom--even though it pains me. Thank you.
CZcams should allow users a certain amount of double-likes or super-likes or loves per year. Because this was definitely worth one. Thanks a million pal! â€
Straight to the point. Thank you. No boring parts. concise!
And no music. Double thank you from a new subscriber.
My 10-year-old grandson, when asked a question often responds with, "I'm good". I've started saying that simple 2-word phrase to requests made by the narc in my life and that shuts down the conversation. Although after reading his journal I find he ruminates with intensity and anger for EVER! I have found my safe space in my bedroom where I spend most of my day, he wants me back out in the living room with him, at his requests or demands, I've learned to say, "I'm good" and walk away.
Then why the fuck are you still with him as part of this video is also about codependency is it not?
OMG. This is the most concise and doable advice to handle a narcissist that I have *ever* heard. Love it! â€
I've said that before and they come back with the same response, "Wutta you mean, You'll think about it"? I come back with, "it means what it means".
This is helpful in all situations, narcissists or non-narcissists. Can take different forms, "Let me check my schedule," etc. The key is to buy yourself time to process things before committing to anything. The person coming to you with a request is prepared in that moment, but you're not. You deserve time to consider things. Nobody is owed an instant answer. The person who acts like they deserve an instant answer reveals themselves, as does the person angry if you say "No."
As I get older - almost 70, I appreciate more and more that many children raised in the last 40 years have never learn that they have strengths AND LIMITATIONS ... society has raised a generation of narcissists who think they have boundless capacity and worth. Many are hollow people who have no real understanding of themselves.
And no real understanding of everyone else. They just donât care.
Yup!
That's a direct result of them being told how special they all are.
Like there werent plenty in your generation, and every one back and back. Nothing knew. Love how you think your age group is exempt.
@@bdickinson6751evidence?
Wow wow wow!!!! Wish Iâd known these words/thoughts during my 33 years of abuse. Never too late. â€
A short no works too. No,then walk away. Iâm going to listen four or five times so it becomes second nature because my inclination is to say yes without thinking. Thank you for the coaching.
Think first, act second.
A no works if you never want them in your life and can care less what they do to your reputation. If you do care what they can do to your reputation or you have to have them in your life, even a little bit, never tell a narcissist no. They will go to the ends of the earth to destroy you if you do. Been there, done that and it was such a small and insignificant thing I said no to too. Us what the video suggests, which is, let me think about it and it doesn't work for me. To normal people, no and it doesn't work for me are the same thing. To a narcissist, they are different. a no is a personal attack against them, but it doesn't work for me, isn't a personal attack against them.
My brother has a great phrase I've used plenty : "Thanks, I think I'll pass."
I have to listen to this every single day to pound into my head! My 94 yr old narcissistic mother needs to hear these words from me until I die. Because God knows she will kill me like her other three children before me.
I totally relate to this, my mother is in her mid 90s and I'm 56, but it took me up until just two years ago to realise what a narcissist she and my older brother both are, they're like two peas in a pod and my father who died 15 years ago was no better. I'm the black sheep in the family, and bloody glad of it đ
These two answers run parallel with "Check" and "Check Mate".
Love the broken record technique!! It is so empowering, especially those 2 mantras! Thank you so, so much.
Basically, dont be too nice to someone whos quite nasty....but also dont be too nasty either ..it doesnt help you nor the situation...brilliant!
And then leave. Get out. Stay away.
The mistake many of us make is to think if we are nice to nasty people, they'll get better. The opposite is true, get rid of people with toxic personalities of course sometimes they are coworkers or family which makes it tougher.
let me think about it
that doesn't work for me
got it!
I will try that. The disrespect I, as mother, am getting from the adult children/ narcissists in my family is appalling. I feel lost and trapped, but I hear what you are saying and am willing to try.
I started doing that a while ago. And if all else fails and they somehow push my weak self into making arrangements, I'll just cancel...
Smile and, âIâll give it some thoughtâ works for me. I like to say it with a bit of a nodâŠmakes them think Iâll acquiesce âŠ
Explaining is the death of me. Power in the pause! Iâm so dysregulated I get caught up in it every time
Power in the pause. Love that.
My husband always asks me to EXPLAIN myself like a child. I'll definitely use the mantras
Same here, yet mine is infantile
I'm sick of these Evil Entities!
Deemons
They are not evil, they are in fact victims of themselves and are trying to cope with their inner disempowerment by exerting power over others as a coping mechanism. They are acting from trauma, which doesn't excuse it of course and in no way should you try to "fix" them. Narcissists are unfixable since they will never admit, even to themselves, that they are/create the problem.
@ramsesds7325 narcissist have EVIL SPIRIT đ
@@juanitagonzalez8333 they certainly can have negative entities in their energy field influencing them yes
Bible calls them Demons. Warns us a lot that we are surrounded by Demons.
I had to go no contact when the Narcissist started calling my wife when I wouldnât go along with what he wanted.
How refreshing to hear it immediately!
I was born in 1979 and was one of the last generation born into nature and realism and appreciating small things. Social media needs shutting down.
đđŸđđŸđđŸđđŸđđŸđđŸđđŸđđŸ
The best advice I've ever heard!!! So micro and simple but so powerful, no rise, no argument, no topping up of their supply, Simply brilliant, can't wait to use it, big tons of thanks for this advice, so easy to remember, simples đȘđ
Right. No need to elaborate, defend, convince or explain. 'No' is a complete sentence.
"I don't think so but if that changes I'll let you know" is also another good one (heard that on a Jim Rohn audiobook).
That's incredibly helpful. When they ask " what is there to think about", then you can go back to the first question. Brilliant!
Thank you so, so much for these things to say. I will be putting them into practice from today. You also made me realize how I go like a Child in response to this type of person. The penny dropped for the first time. I could suddenly see myself doing it. I realized, yes, that's how they manipulate me by triggering a Child-like response, so I feel obliged to do what they want. I learned something very useful from another Narcissist Specialist, and it's perfect for when they launch into their tirade of unfair and unwarranted criticism. I now stop them right away, and say; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who always used do that to me, now has no comebacks, he just shuts up. You see the easy answer was always, go no contact. But here's the wake up call, some people can't just do that, for all manner of reasons. Or they need to educate themselves in order to gain some balance, strength and true perspective, after years and years of abuse.
Amen! We do not have to prove anything to them!
You are a Genius!!! Thank you!!! I've studied narcissist behavior for over a decade and you just taught me something that's pure GOLD! đâșïž
This is GOLD.
Such great advice and answers. I SO wish I had known about them years ago...it is a 'softer' and non-combatent way to draw boundaries. Eventually when I learned about narcissism (mine was a negligent covert narc) I 'got it' that explaining just made things worse, so I had to hard core with 'no'...frequently. Setting boundaries daily was so exhausting. I thank God that he passed away last March. Life is grand again and I have peace.
Not a parent yet, nor did I use this when babysitting my nephews, but...
Parents do this: "We'll see". = 99% "no", lol.
Another version: A really passive-agressive "eff off" when asked to do X...
"Yeah, I'll get right on that".
Children are evolved to be narcissists. They're totally dependent on their parents, and if they weren't, their narcissistic siblings would be the ones that survive. So it's totally understandable they behave that way until they grow out of it.
I hit the like button BUT, in my experience with my covert narcissist partner of 7 years, it was HER the narcissist using these phrases to avoid any responsibility and by herself time to fabricate reasons why she couldn't do something herself. She would say "I'm not sure, I'll let you know" but she never did, even when it was me trying to help her with her own problems!! So in your video I can say from experience this tactic can be used by the narcissist also. I eventually learned to not give a shit and simply stepped back and left her to her choices, and when she complained, I let her, but she could never own her bad choices.
You are right , no contact is the only solution
Make sure your not the narc đą. Those phrases sure worked on you.
You know the internet is full of people acusing others as narcissist with no self-reflection at all. So many feel as being the victim without knowing that to victimize yourself constantly and not seeing what you brought to the table to make the situation what it is, is one of the three core issues that a narcisstic disordered personality trait is about. If you read through the comment section below videos like this, almost every comment is screeming: I acuse someone of what in the end I'm guilty of as well. So I take these videos and comment section always with a grain of salt and want to say thnak you for your balanced comment.
Thanks and I agree, there is people learning about NPD and becoming very critical of others and labelling them. Having a good sense of self hopefully keeps us reviewing reflecting on our own behaviour to know that we are doing the best we can and being fair. It's easy to diagnose everyone as a narcissist but not see those traits in ourselves, until we reflect on it. I definitely am not a narcissist but I too have said or done things in the past which now I'm more learned about npd, alarms me that I did do or say what could be see as npd . But can say too that I now see npd in people and their behaviour but there also needs to be a suite of other traits to to say beyond doubt that the person definitely meets ALL the criteria to have npd. Grandiose narcissists are SUPER easy to ID but covert narcissist like my ex are really tricky until your invested in the relationship then it's hard to let go. And I didn't know a thing about npd when I was with her but nothing made sense with her and I was broken trying to make it work. But I don't see myself as a victim it's just been a really hard road and I lost the lady I absolutely loved, But it happened and I'm healing now and putting it behind me. The hardest part will be some point in the future where I need to trust someone again. Cheers for the comment and I truly think a good sense of self and being able to soul search and reflect is such a blessing, as we know some can't be honest. Best wishes on your journey.
I just typed this into my Notes on my phone. Thank you!
When I was in the military I had a junior officer who later I realized was narcissist. He made my life a nightmare, the difference is they can say to you "that's an order" and you have no choice but to comply. They day I signed my honorable discharge papers, was one of the happiest days of my life.
Love it đ I've got a person I could practice this on too, cause they always pushing me lol
There are plenty believe me.. just most are indirect and covert
@@othmane-mezian yeah.. covert are pretty much all i deal with, and they're the worst lol lol
@@yumnom69420 Yes they are the worst kind
đđđȘ·đđ» gratefull for this simple hack ,đ. & myself - did it again ,meeting with a covert narc or dark empath? ,giving all,& reciving nothing, but manipulation ,wow ,I imagined this was my twin flameâŠbut have awakened,once again to the bitter truth, of abuse- energetically
@@yumnom69420how do you tell if theyâre narcissistic? Please share. Thank you
Wow, such wisdom, thank you! Fear and intimidation blanked out my thinking power. Will keep your phrases on speed dial! â€
it actually works, I did that once couple weeks ago because I felt so pressured and I wanted time to think about it. that narcissist really got mad oh my. didnt even want me to hang up without giving a answer right away.
later I said that it doesnt work for me in my current situation. which lead to some arguments. doing it like you represented is better, because every micro information is being used against you. so by saying "it just doesnt work for me" must be enough.
let me think about it and then after a while it doesnt work for me is the best way to handle it. if there is no way of avoiding the narcissist.
âNoâ is a really good phrase to use also. After that there are a couple of Anglo-Saxon phrases that usually end in âoffâ that are also worth considering as a follow up.
When I set a boundary I got a 2 page letter about everything that is wrong with me, everything Iâve done wrong and how dare I through away a long time friendship which I didnât do just asked for two items back that I loaned. I didnât respond. My silence is my strength.
I appreciate that the first sentence of the video was the first phrase. So many videos are about solutions, but only when they draw things out for fifteen minutes and have a sponsor segment. Not saying those things are wrong, they pay for content creators. It's just refreshing to not see that.
Thanks to CZcams for eye opening. I used to think I am the problem, who is overthinking and overreacting but now I realise that I was simply irritated at their provocation, I lost it, then I had a reputation of being crazy and rude to my colleagues. No one understood what I was going through, even myself who didnât understand why I behaved like that.
I use this with someone who constantly tries to push my boundaries but my use of it hasn't been 100% consistent and I don't always phrase it in the same way. Thank you for the script, I can use this like a broken record, rather than feeling forced to explain.
Indifference is another tool. Display indifference, and there is nothing anybody can do about you. Itâs neither negative nor or positive, so there is nothing for them to work with.
Simple genius once we know ! Not rude or aggressive. Plain speak that is both gentle and powerful. Thank you đđ»
âLet me think about, and Iâll get back to youâ
Consider:
Will I keep score?
Will I bring it up?
Will I have resentment?
If you donât want to do it:
âYou know, it doesnât work for meâ
"That just doesn't work for me." .... "Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you, later." Instead of thinking about it or getting back to them...; "Oh, I forgot about it, what was the question again?" Then return to the beginning.
You got me laughing out loud! Yeah, I see how that might work. Self-inflated self meets casual put-you-in-your-rightful-place. They'll stop asking You soon enough :)
I learned many years ago that it is folly, when dealing with others, narcissists included, never to qualify, quantify or justify. There really is little need to with these people unless of course it is to your advantage and thatâs only when youâve thought about it and got back to them. Remain on top or at the same level always.
"Let me" is not as good as " I'm going to". *in my experience. Posing it as a possible question still leaves some power with them. (To ask more questions, demand a decision now, belittle you for not answering, etc.) State it as a fact, not an open ended query.
If someone says " that does not work for me" failing to explain, I will automatically asume, or even tell that he or she does not even know the asnswer. If it is battle, then it is my win anyway. And I am always opened up to explanations. Beeing rude without straight answers is not polite anyway and is whole different side of narcissim.
That first one is genius. By the second one I see my brother set off in a narcissistic rage. I'm not quite sure that would give the desired rest. Perhaps I'd add "I see how it might work for you, but I just don't see how it might work for me." and "Thank you for asking though (with a nice smile 'in your voice')". Like he didn't just waste his 'valuable' time. Or mine.
you throw their words right back to them, they will not expect this and this will anger them, keep catching them in lies and throw the lies in their face. this works.
Great advice. And I'd add that if you're dating someone who uses the first phrase a lot, it might be worth digging deeper. There's a very good chance they're still recovering from being abused by a narcissist. If you're otherwise good together, that might be something you help them through. (Or you move on and find someone without unpacked baggage.)
This is genius. Most people I want to reason things out, and get there point of view, but that doesn't work with a Narcissist. Took me forever to realize it's all about power with them. I'm not into the power game but you have to do what you have to do with them. So thank you for these two phrases, they are genius.
I'm too busy, I don't have the time. : )
I just took myself out of the equation. I havent seen my grandchildren in over 5 years now and it was painful in the beginning but now I live in peace †one day they will see the truth and once you realize that your side of the story doesn't matter anymore life gets better period. His father wanted me to get an abortion years ago and I wouldn't. All these years later he is the "chosen one" and I'm a horrible mother go figure lol whatever I'm so much happier now.
The gold nugget in your post is: âonce you realize that your side of the story doesnât matter anymore, life gets betterâ. The narcissist/sociopath feeds on the pain his/her prey experiences as they struggle to get others to see their side of the story. No contact is the only way with these entities.
Ouch, that must have hurt real much, to get to that point. Yes, you have more peace now. Just keep on praying for your (grand)children. No contact might be necessary for our sanity, but God has ways to intervene, that we don't know about. I once heard a story about a child from a really harsh background, that got out relatively unbroken by it. There was a praying grandmother, that blessed that child from afar and kept asking for protection! Even though the grown-ups had chosen their sins, the innocent children were somehow protected, even in the midst of it.
Thats so great ! Thank you-I'm loving this channel-can't wait to hear what you have to say next.
I have a narcissistic sister and I say something similar to her but the phrasing is a little different. I say, "I'll think about it and get back to you." The phrasing "let me think about it." implies I need her permission to think about her request. I refuse to give her any sense of control or power over me anymore. Maybe that seems stubborn or petty but I've endured so much abuse from her, I'm done.
Brilliantly simple - as all the best things usually are. Not only the words but the way he says them. Magic!
That was pure gold Sir. Thank you
Hearing this explained and picturing myself saying it is so Freeing.
This is Gold!!!
Yes! I think, believe, those phrases will really give me protection! Thanks so much!
Excellent thanks Kenny !
I was in a ltr relationship (11 years) and even found myself starting down the slippery slope of narcissism (revenge? validation? learned behaviors?) Recently the ex came back around using his old tricks and I tried some of your suggestions and they worked flawlessly! he got angry and disappeared from the picture! Best free advice I never asked for!
This is so simple and yet so powerful. Thank you it gave me relief.
You are such a welfare of info on dealing with narcs. Love it!!
i think you mean 'wealth', not welfare
@@jamesdean3838Said the Narcissist đ
âŠsaid the narcissist
@@clairesweeney4334 said the insecure dummy who doesn't know english....
THE BEST 2 MAGIC PHRASES!!!! THANK YOU KENNY!!!!!!!! God bless you
Thank you. So powerful.