Codependence Recovery | How To Ask For Your Needs and Wants
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- čas přidán 21. 06. 2021
- In todays video I am going to share the difference between a need and a want, the 5 main ways codependents don’t meet them and offer some questions you can ask yourself to begin doing so.
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Hi, I'm Kenny. I'm an Emotional Mastery Coach, Podcaster, and Author. I founded The Greatness Movement (www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/) to help people achieve emotional mastery and become the greatest version of themselves.
🤯 MY MISSION
The science is now overwhelming. Every relational, economic, political, and social problem originates from unhealed childhood emotional pain.
Currently, our society looks for solutions to these social maladies in every other possibility but the actual source of the problem. Making things more difficult is that our unhealed emotional pain is also responsible for avoiding the source of the problem. That is why these maladies have continued for generations.
As a society, we are all stuck in the Worst Day Cycle.
Therefore, the mission of The Greatness Movement is to conquer that long avoided frontier. To do that, we need new knowledge that can be developed into a skill and ultimately refined into a tool to heal that pain and stop the generational transference of The Worst Day Cycle. In short, we need emotional mastery.
#kenny weiss #codependency #codependency recovery #mental health #codependent no more
Wow, what a blessing to come across this channel. I watch generation of women in my family care for others and never care for themselves. When their time of needs came no one was there for them 💔
I've spent my life helping others and ignoring my needs but for the last few months I have been setting boundaries and meeting more of my needs. I do feel selfish but I am determined to learn to set proper boundaries and take care of myself.
Small victories! Well done!
@@annadonahue4119 thank you!🌹🌹🌹
If I have any needs, I am selfish!! Is what i learnt from parents. They felt burdened by my presence because I was an unplanned child. I treated myself same way. Thank you:)))
@@tejalhalde7075 I didn’t live with them.
This is profound. $50 in my account just now for groceries like I live somewhere you can do that. He's trying to emotionally connect. Like a child.
took me 14 years to see this in a guy who has a BMW motorcycle, yet lives with his parents- but kept justifying it. this is very enlightening!
Spot on. I am the person who is not going to be loved no, is unloveable ergo rejected and abandoned if I have needs that require others to be helping me. I starved myself in Europe modeling, and my joy was non existant. I was going to support me financially if it killed me. That is straught from my childhood where my cover mom and overt dad were important and their children were to be perfect, not complain make them look perfect as parents not express needs or feelings which is the cause of their anger disapproval or rejection of me. Twisted and so convoluted. But still here to make changes at age 60.
Hi Kenny, i just want to say a massive thank you for sharing your content here online for free. Thanks to your videos i have discovered i have been codependent all my life which explains my past relationships, decisions i have made, my work career, and most important my inability to say NO and people please. It is so great to finally find answers to so many questions i have been having and also be able to grow, acknowledge and work on my perfect imperfections. I am a mother and i want want so much for my child to be healthy and not repeat the same mistakes i did, i want her to make healthy choices , have proper lever of self esteem and love herself and accept herself for who she is. I love the way you dissect a thinking patterns and human reactions towards each other giving a listener a very clear explanation of why we say things we say and why we are the way we are. I have been following your channel for only past few months but i have already learned so much. The Pia Mellody book you have been recommending is helping me tremendously as well as your book.
1) Pursue their wants over their needs. The pursuit of their wants will sacrifice their ability to meet their needs. Because of deep wounding and wanting to fill up the emotional void or pain with temporary fixes such as materialism or experiences they put their self in deprevation and difficult situations. This can be anything from comfort eating, to not paying the rent in order for an experience etc..., buying expensive items on finance to addictions such as gambling, sex, drugs or alcoholism etc...2:02
2) Pursue other people's needs over their own. Take care of everything outside of themselves look after other families before their own etc...3:15
3) Work well below their capabilities, they work in jobs that they're incompatible with or dislike.
4) They learn to fear intimacy so they'll start fights by withdrawing or complaining. They don't know how to ask for their needs.
5) Don't seek medical care but demand that others do.
Have all points
Wow Kenny thank you so much. It only dawned on me in the last couple of months post narcissistic abuse relationship that I haven’t felt joy for most of my life. I have then got accustomed to feeling pain instead of pleasure. Life hasn’t brought me pleasure for a long time and I was looking for a romantic partner to solve it. I realise the error.
OMW! I just even thought about doing something for myself that I normally do for others and I am literally àctually am feeling "pain" just thínking about doing it. I truly have work to do on myself. 😱
After my breakup, I felt like it was wrong or bad to feel happy or treat myself. Weird!!! Haha
I can't stop to bsndage my toe, let the cut go for so long but bandage my gfs thumb, who is s big baby anout every little thing, is very loud about her needs that seem dramatic and embarassing to me, but gets my attention and I jump to save the day. This is really good to hear, your content bloes my mind after 40 adult years, never married, thinking there is something to shift in my perception and yes, superior since I tolerate deprivation for acheiving goals, while beating myself up to be a winner bc mom and dad want winners or nothing. They are judgemental and always take good care of themselves then are shaming me for taking the crumbs of love from others. Its a mind f**k.
The key one for me is asking for my needs...I struggle asking directly for my intellectual and emotional needs because I fear rejection. So, instead of asking I complain. This is my biggest challenge...getting over fear of rejection and feelings of unworthiness to ask/communicate for my need(s) to be met. If the answer to my ask is no...then I have a choice to make. I'm not stuck, I have a choice! I can choose to be stuck or I can separate myself from the person that cannot meet my needs. I can engage in a relationship that is more suited to meets my needs. That is healthy empowerment.
By the Grace of the universe I’ve found your channel. I started my codependent work in 1989, and since then, I’ve been a bit busy with life. Meanwhile, I’m still enjoying the journey, and I got your book and Pia’s book to get back on track. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope ❤
Wonderful! You are so welcome
So blessed to have found this channel!! Already understood so much on why i self sabotage myself and my needs so much! Thank you Kenny ❤
I am speechless listening to this 😢all I can say is thank you for saving us through your videos, God bless you 🙏🏽
You are so welcome
I'm an 85 y.o. widower and still do not know what I want UNLESS I have a partner or friend to "help" me want, have, go for, etc. the things THEY want for me. It's depressing that I've been dependent my whole life with very short gaps of wanting & getting but mostly following and waiting to be rescued. I was raised as a DOOR MAT and even intense Self Esteem work has not undone my early emotional PTSD from faulty parenting. This is not about BLAMING. Therapy & Nonduality has helped a lot but I'm still stuck - unless I magically find another soul mate to "love" & GUIDE ME!. OUCH!!!!
Thanks for being honest
Dude, you've been helping me so much. Thank you
I feel good in and after physical fights
When I finally came to Nonduality (there is no one, no self, no me - just ONENESS or WHOLENESS), I was so happy to discover that I could now get rid of or lose the troubled "self/me" that had been a problem in my whole life, despite lots of therapy and Recovery meetings in the past. At first it seemed to work and getting rid of the "me/self" was like magic BUT, all my codependent/PTSD issues have returned (I'm 85 now!) so I am ever so happy that Life has led me to you and your videos/books, etc. Looks like I am being given another chance to review and perhaps benefit from all the work I did in ACOA & CODA plus whatever comes from Nonduality and might be given a "happy ending" here. Thank you, Kenny....🥰 Jim
This is blowing my mind. I completely resonate with what you’re describing and I need to get better. Thank you for the information. 🙏
You are so welcome. 😁
Thank you 😊
I discover your channel yesterday, I am so enlighted from your contents, your great in explaining these topics! Thank you!!
Glad you like them!
I think about listen about codependence and I felt totally represented
I was with a covert Narcissist for 37 years. I think I‘m a codependent. I took some tests online. I‘m not the Narc. He walked out on me in July 2020 and never came back. All because I ask him to get help, or move. He literally abandoned me after I spent 30 years in the military with him. I always blamed it on the PTSD. Since he was in the military. After he retired from the military and transitioned to civilian life and job, he became worst with the verbal abuse. Cold as ice. I have been alone for 3 years. Still struggling. He broke up our family. I‘m a family girl. Always looking forward to family. This is over now. He made sure of that. It took 2 years to get divorced from him, he lied so much. He screwed me up so much I don’t even want to go on dates - it‘s been 3 years. Thanks..
Im sorry you suffered through all that. Work on God love, self love. We’re all alone. Spiritual beings living in a physical world.
Thanks!
Oh yes they focus on their wants and pursue instant gratification buying all kinds of stuff to impress others. It is mind boggling for someone like me who was raised to be ultra responsible. Thanks for another insightful video. I am learning so much.
Absolutely!!
I WILL NEVER BE LIKE THAT JUST EWWWWWWWW
I am trying to figure out whether or not my dysfunctional Father was a narcissist or a falsely empowered co dependent and how this has affected me . I do resonate with co dependence but not as extreme as you have described. I do tend to be a people pleaser, but not to the extent that I do not experience joy. Thanks for the videos, I am working on myself, and this is helping me to understand some things.
Hi Penny, thank you for your support. I have a playlist on both Narcissism and Codependency that I recommend you check out to answer your question. One of the videos on my Narcissism playlist I think would be really helpful to you is- czcams.com/video/M45w62QCrHY/video.html Check it, as well as my playlists out, and let me know if they helped answer your question! :)
This is tough love - great teaching, so useful, thank you!l ❣️🙏 ❣️
You are so welcome!
I´m listening your channel since yesterday, I don´t speak english properly so I excuse for that, but today I was in a profund emotional pain, and I had the most terrible thoughs in my entire life, and I pray, then I think about listen about codependence and I felt totally represented by the woman and the paper towel, it´s something inside my body that I just can´t move, and it´s makes me feel ashemed of myself and it´s like I have chains and I can´t break them. Now that I listen this I hope to find the way to move my body again for me, not for others. But the truth is my feeling now is like fear, and it´s like I´m going to jump from the top of a mountain.
Thank you 😀
I so resonate with everything mentioned on your video
Our needs about our value over our wants feeling fear obligation guilt (feeling not enough )
To work on our own needs (survive) and wants little and big
Pursuing wants over needs
Pursuing other people's other people needs & wants
Fear intimacy feeling disconnected from perhaps feeling depravity in childhood intellectually emotionally (family connection)
Much appreciation
Kenny 😃
You are so welcome!
Im just starting this playlist, already in awe with the self revelation here, thank you Kenny!
Thank you ❤
Great information. Thank you for sharing.
Hi thank i Got 3 narcissistic relationship overt covert psychopath man in done now I'm single for long time but i need help to all trauma
Sooo insightful!
I’m glad it helped
Thanks 🤗
No problem 😊
Hi. Thanks a lot. The last video I watched was related to morals and I was so happy that I am a non compromising person. I am in top best 10%.
This video gave me the idea about where I am lacking. Whan I am doing wrong.
This was the video for me.
Many thanks.
Wonderful!
💝
❤
Do you have any videos on food issues?
Not specifically because all food issues originate with unhealed childhood trauma. Basically, they would want to focus on my whole worst day cycle and emotional mastery process.
One of my needs are a therapist but I dont want my mom to spend the money. This is gonna be hard
I sympathize for your situation and that is why I provide a wide range of services for all backgrounds on my website. Check it out and let me know if you find anything that you think would help you. kennyweiss.net/
You making it sound like co dependent is a bad thing fuck narcissist super Empaths are a lot stronger ❤
🌟🗽
Purple:
Mr. Weiss i just discovered your channel and love what you teach.
I recognised that the main color of your channel is purple. I guess this is intentional? My therapist alwais says, that purple is the color of trauma, and so all "trauma people" love purple.
purple is historically the color of royalty.
It's interesting that your talking about not eating due to the message you got in childhood. I grew up abused and neglected I was taken to the doctor for being a picky eater and they said she'll eat when she's hungry. I was a twig most my life and heavily depended on one type of food for prolonged periods of time. I didn't think anything of it I thought then and still do that when I find a food that I keep returning to for months or years on end that this means I'm getting all the nutrients out of it then one day I'm no longer needing that food so I stop eating it 99& or 100% of the time cuz I have no more need for the nutrients inside it.
Does this count as an eating disorder or an issue like you said when you got a message around food so you didn't eat? How would I need to uncover that cuz I don't recall that type of message but I do recall not being fed or invited to eat often due to when I had meals with my family I'd not eat what they had anyhow due to any number of reasons.
Weight wise I could take myself up to 170lbs but I also stopped exercising somewhere along that but I've also taken myself down to 130 as well but this weight is due to pureeing things due to a bite alignment issue but I'm very much able to be on the restrictive way this is most the time I only get upset when I try to build back up chewing soft foods and I feel the teeth move so I have to then go back to puree then I get really upset.
I love not having fun and joy tho 😂 his I love it if we love it 😍 it should be good I have no goals I love being tough so 🤷♀️ I have NO DESIRE FOR A CAR OR HOUSE I LOVE DESIRE ❤TO BE MYSELF PERIOD
my husband is a narcissist and he takes care of everyone outside of his immediate family me abd kids
He takes extra care of his parents and they were the worst
His dad was alcoholic cheater still is today
And mom was checked out
Fuck.....the medical part is totally me.
Are you in AZ?
Yes I am but I work with clients all across the world through Zoom
I can not go on holidays.
Is this Narcissistic or is this the kind of people a Narcissist craves
Great question. I have just created this new tool where you can type in any question and it pulls from all of my content to give you the solution you are looking for and it is FREE. Give it a try. ;-) www.sentiyen.com/channels/KennyWeiss