How to Detect Lies | Dr. K Lecture
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- čas přidán 10. 07. 2024
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In this video, Dr. K explains why people lie, how people lie, and ultimately how to detect when people are lying. A lot of lying comes down to control.
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"if you want them to stop lying to you, present the idea of safety to them so they can feel comfortable coming clean to you." wow Dr K is a saint!
and then 18:38 happens 😂
@@crimsonair8890 TRUUUUUEEEE
you mean like how parents go 'I won't be mad' and then they do exactly that xD
I mean I get it, but that's one of the reasons I can't trust anyone.
Sadly, it doesn't always work. Some people are just so conflict averse that they will lie even if they know you won't be upset with them
talking about lowering the consequences to make them tell the truth, I didn't realise why but this is exactly why it's pointless to get mad at people. you can't use force with everything in life, sometimes you need people on your side, and for you to be on their side too. sometimes the only way to get what you need is to respect the other person and be civil
I agree. There is literally no reason to get overly emotional about any situation since it is far more beneficial to just be calm, then talk or walk away.
oh shit is gordon freeman
Sometimes it’s the only way to get the point across though
desinc
@@greyblob1101 On occasions so rare, you'd be forgiven for thinking they only happen in anime-esque scenarios. Anger never gets a point across, it only often breeds anger from the opposition. Desperation or hopelessness mixed with anger? Maybe. Sadness mixed with anger? Through guilt, it's possible. But anger alone? The odds are incredibly small that anyone'll reciprocate with anything but anger.
Dr. K -- "What's at stake..."
Chat -- *STEAK*
1:44 hahahaha
“You create a safe space and then you stab them in the back hahaha” -Harvard educated Therapist, 2021
In all honesty these videos are super interesting and I think that they are very valuable to a lot of people, including me
Detecting lies is something you get better at naturally when you get lied to a lot.
I used to be pretty naïve and I tended to take people's words at face value.
But if you combine that with "always wanting to help" then you get taken advantage of a lot.
Now I don't want to stop wanting to help, so I had to learn how to seperate the bullshit from the truthful to find out who is worth helping.
On a side-note: Manipulating the manipulator is a great tip by Dr K here. Particularly when it comes to lying you don't need to feel remorseful for tricking them into thinking coming clean won't have consequences.
@@NLTops I think a good example of manipulating the manipulator is criminal interrogations, i would recommend watching some of those, it's very interesting to see the process leading to a confession.
@@soleo2783 Agreed. I've seen some very interesting interrogations. It's important to note too however, that interrogations can be done in such a way that a false admission is given under duress. I've seen a couple of those too.
This stuff is helping me resolve some of my own issues since I have a lack of ability to get mental care, and I really need this kind of stuff. I was homeless for two years, as well as having my fiance that I dated for four years left me and exposed their cheating with two others at the same time, just a week shy of our four year aniversary.
What honestly really fucks with me was the fact that they cited my lack of a high school diploma, yet all the reason I didnt have it at the time was the lack of 150 dollars to pay for the test. They instead paid 300+ to create a trip for me to just break my heart. Please dont stop making these videos, I have been desperately needing this, and been close to suicide in recent times. This is pulling me far in the other direction. Thank you!
also for those who took the time to read that, I have my diploma now, I am a 4.0 college student at VVC, going for architecture. Sadly had to withdraw for spring because of Covid, but I am going back next month for summer semester.
I am kicking ass now and actually will forge a better path for myself. Most of my issues are the things inside my head from seeing the things I did on the street. Some day I hope for it to be easier, maybe some way of looking at it differently. but mostly I hope I find healthy ways to cope.
@@NataliesChatalie lets go man, keep i t going! )
Proud of you
LETS GO CHAMP!!
Man. Those people are pieces of shit. Sorry to hear man :( .
"Is your gut tuned well or do you have social anxiety and insecurity?"
Where my "gut feeling is accurate but social anxiety and insecurity prevents you from trusting it" gang at.
Exactly what i was thinking
waddup.
i'm glad that i'm pretty tolerant of consequences. telling the truth is so much easier than lying
Yes! The biggest consequence is losing the trust I have with the person, not the actual consequence.
That's why I only lie to strangers
Yep, once somebody lies to you how can you trust that they will tell you the truth again?
One lie and I lose all trust in that person
While playing dark souls every death would take out a little bit out of me until I learned to let go of the consequences. Then, all that remained was enjoying the process and every mistake instead of seeing it as failing once again to reach the goal. This video was a great complement to that idea.
so liberating when you figure that out
It pains and annoys me to see my friends get so mad at videogames, especially soulsborne, and I think it's because I've reached this point. It is nice when you play on your own though.
That's Dark Souls. Beating that game is the easy part. Now apply this to Real Life and then come place a comment here.
O reached a similar conclusion when I'd play the Pokemon mystery dungeon series. In this game of randomly generated rogue like dungeons there would be rooms called a Monster House, basically all the enemies on that floor would be warped to your location along with some extra. It would be extremely tough to escape from especially at lower levels. I would save at the begining, and try and try again to continue without being defeated. Eventually I began to enjoy the process and saw things as progress.
Exactly, and whenever I talk about souls and how it literally changed the way I approach many things in my life peoplr think "it's just a video-game". 🤦🏻♂️
Life's about learning from your mistakes!
In a work environment I lie to my boss if I think he treats his people unfair and harsh when I make a mistake. If my boss is direct, honest and rational I'd admit a mistake instantly.
Lying is one of my biggest pet peeves. I already have trust issues from my parents divorce(I was 10 when it happened). So in my past relationships I would not tolerate it what so ever. Well the more relationships I got into the more I found out everyone lies. So I had to figure out how to forgive as well. Now I've been married for ten years this October. With two amazing boys. Who also lie haha. One of the worst feelings I've had is being lied to by someone I trust and respect.
I support you polygamous marriage with two amazing gay boys.
yo thats pog hope this is not a lie lmao
i was 18 when it happened i kinda feel you but i was a bit more mature tho.
@@saijeetdogra9360 i think they were talking about their children.
@@ReyaadGafur Do you hear that? The sound of....wind? Oh boy it's probably a Reddit r/wooosh
The moment he was telling a story, pausing to look at chat and went "I dont really know what your talking about Im just gonna keep telling the story" was the most cliche dad story telling thing I can imagine
I went through being a pathological liar for my entire life up until 2 years ago, i thought the same, if i told them now it would be over, i convinced everyone in my school from grade 7 onwards to 3 years out of highschool when i made a post about everything ive done, i lied about who my father was, i lied about what ive done and who ive been with, who ive seen, everything you can think of, and i started to believe a lot of it, and once i realized what i have done, i wanted out, for several years i kept the story up just in fear, some of the worst years of my life, but i opened up to someone a used to be close friend, and they forgave me, they didnt shame me, as i was already balling my eyes out; profusely saying sorry, that night i made a post on FB because thats where i could reach everyone, and made a 5 paragraph explanation of how im a fuck up, and how i dont deserve to be forgiven for what ive done, every comment was tear jerking as people forgave me, i did have one person not forgive me which was to be expected looking back on it, but my closest friends they were hurt understandably, i lied about everything i dont know what i didnt lie about, even the way i acted was a lie as i had to hold so much in the air i never got to relax, but over time, they forgave me and i dont know how to explain what this freedom feels like, its feels better then you could hope thats all i know, maybe i got off easy because everyone im my entire school had known what i had gone through with my family, but all i know is that id rather live in the alone pain i thought i would have been left in, then the pain i created, last thoughts, do it becuase at least you can be yourself, and if everyone leaves you; you can say at least im working to be a better person then continue live knowingly as a morally bad one
The best thing about telling the truth is not having to remember what you said. Good on you mate for coming around!
The way he treats his kids is amazing it makes me so happy to see how gentle he is
I mean most people would treat their kids well if they were in front of thousands of viewers.
Your statement can be discibing every behaviour that has at least one witness. Still what he showed was awsome. We do not have any data to think otherwise for now.
As a former pathological liar, Dr. K really hits the spot with this video. Especially the part where he says lying was a way of control. Something that I never really thought of.
I've a real problem with people that lie to me. I did quit couple of friendships because those "friends" did lie too often for my liking. It is not even the fact that they lie, it is more the fact that they always think I am dumb enough to not realize the lies. I hate it so much. I alwas confront those people and their lies with evidence and they still deny it even tho there is lots of evidence and proofs for it that they did. This shit drives me mad every time. I can not have people around me that are like that.
Can I get a TL;DR
If they gaslight you, you know its a sociopath, right? I know, its surprising when you find out how many of them are out there.
@Adam I am not, even if I were, do you have anything against gay people? Tell us.
@@antezulj4453 the time you invested in writing this you could've used to read these like.. what? 6 sentences?.... seriously dude?
@Abdelraouf Boumedal I think you have a point. I (or anybody else) needs to move on. Isn't always that easy tho, especially if you are attached with emotions to a person because you know them for a long time maybe etc. Thanks for your input.
Gotta love starting the day strong with the new Dr. K video!
LOL, The part where you create a safe space then get their answer and decide if you can sit with it. I legit did this with my ex but I didn't think of it as being manipulative, I just wanted him to be honest because I was tired of holding space for him only for him to cheat on me again and again. When I said, "Well, I do wish you the best". He got incredibly mad at me and he called me manipulative cause I manipulated that answer out of him and now you're saying he's right for calling me manipulative, well shit lol.
Edit: And omg, this puts things in perspective so much... when it came to my ex. He was very high conseq avoidant even about the tiniest of things!
either way, I think cheating is a pretty big dealbreaker so it's good that you ended it regardless
Its not manipulation for a bad reason, not to lose trust, but gain it. So I think in that case you should feel bad about it. If you ever catch yourself thinking you may be manipulating someone, ask yourself if it is because you want to make the trust with someone bigger. I was thinking about this too after chat and Dr k said yeah it's manipulation
Wow, Dr. K. Watching this made me understand myself more...
I was seeing an addiction therapist pre-covid for a couple of months and this alone helped me more than that handful of appointments...thank you.
Siblings watching this video: *interesting*
Couples watching this video: HMMMMM
Thomas Serrano I’ll be your sibling
Me, hiding this video from my family:
*I SEE*
Funny that this is the comment that shows... I sent it to my little sister.. and my older sister and my mom. I'm 3.5 months clean from oxydocone lol
Lmao
Rolling high insight is extremely worthwhile when seeking out lies.
Also if any of you are not willing to accept the consequences of your actions that should be a very high priority for you to level up in life. Your bosses/partners will value you quite a bit more.
Something I think is *very* important to note is that, even if it is not about cheating... If you want this person to stop lying to (or ommiting things from) you, you *must* keep that safe space open at all times - not only when you ask them to come clean for the first time. It doesn't work if you hold it in for 5 minutes and then yell at them as much as it doesn't work if you are going to throw that on their face every single time you have an opportunity, or if the next time they tell you the truth you spiral out of control. I am not saying it is your obligation to help them, to tolerate that, or anything of the sort - but if you don't want them to simply go back to lying out of fear, this is important.
I only ever feel like a shitty person when I listen to psychological videos like this. Either is bringing to light something I’ve always known about myself, if it’s a form of self manipulation or a phenomenon like mirroring another’s behavior when you are around them.
Thank you for the great lecture! Covid-times has given quite interesting recommendations recently though I'm glad that it did. I'm a soon-to-be graduating medical doctor and your talk touched a lot of strings in myself which could be very relevant for personal life as well as for patient approach.
Greetings from Sweden
I feel so proud that i realized most of this before watching this video, it feels great to know i was right about some of this, i love this channel.
Thank you for your excellent insights, Dr. K.
I'm taking psychology for my senior year, next year and this was so insightful. Getting really excited for my classes
How did it go?
I litterly can't stop myself impulsively lying to my friends during social events not due to facing the consequenses, but to make myself noticable or trying to impress them.
The consequence is that you won't be noticeable or they won't be impressed.
This was very enjoyable and refreshing lecture from K
I love this guy so much man.
Just watched the whole thing. That was super interesting, thanks for the video
"First you create a safe space and then you just stab em in the back" ~Dr K. Absolute words to life by, manipulate the manipulator
@@jackdeniston9326 truee, truee
He said that was a BAD thing to do. That 'quote' is way outbof context
@@Kurobeau And that my friend, is the point of that comment, it is funny out of context
I have been binging these videos and they are all fascinating
I'm making this comment before I watch. I have to go through a lot of E paperwork of "physical interventions" that happened to me when I was a kid (12-16). I started reading a few the other night and quickly became emotional. I was feeling fear, self doubt, anger and regret. Some of what I read was written to put me in a bad light falsely claiming i was attempting to cause harm to (a select few) members of staff. Other forms were written as I wasn't obeying the wishes of the staff and that they "had to" or "had no choice but too" do what they did. I only got through nine of the countless. One of them that I read reminded me of when i DID lash out at a (female/liked(non sexually) member of staff my first thought was to doubt the report. Then I started overthinking the rest as "what if I DID do X action". Just thought I'd get this out seeing as "lies" was the video theme. youtube is a lifesafer thankyou Dr.K for giving me an outlet when instead I'd be trying to act as if I never even had problems. It's easier to just lay in bed and wait for Covid to be over so I can get back to getting my life on track but studying my mental programming has helped and I have found a lot of my gaming habits even come back to reliving trauma in an attempt to heal it (anger as a joke with the hope of a laugh/Please dont hurt me) (or maybe I'm reaching with thtat link i have no idea I heard it was something Brains did)
I am a medical student, that in the end was so refreshing. Thanks Dr K, I am struggling a bit with my exams and internships. That helps a lot
It is not even lying that bothers me. What bothers me is that people who seem obviously insincere and dishonest are often the ones who have respect, friends, relationships and successes. There has to be some good explanation for this. Perhaps I am not even criticising the people but the system that facilitates this. Most of my successes in life came about when I was a dishonest person. I got great experiences, friendships and relationships out of it. The moment I pursued being "me" was the moment my life fell apart. I barely have friends that I can confidently rely on, most women find me creepy/weird, my opportunities have dried up and I feel generally negative. I find it frustrating but it is what it is. Currently, I am slowly on my way back to being a dishonest and manipulative asshole.
Oh man. I can relate. But I hope this might help as i'm trying to also help myself. If you had to by dishonest means, does respect, friends, relationships and successes really make you happy? For me, it felt like I took the shortcut if I had to lie to get there. And I've been there, wasn't happy. The reward for getting those things honestly and genuinely might probably mean a lot more, and last a lot longer, even a life time.
I hope you don't feel negative, and stay optimistic about it all. Do your best, I wish you the best.
The reason is most people are stupid and superficial. They don't even have the faintest clue about all this. Basically most adults are just big children with a bit better idea of how to control their emotions, but not much.
Maybe you’ve got too many frustration and not enought forgiveness for yourself and others. So when you are being honest you inadvertly spill your negativity on others. Seek a more peacefull mindset :)
I can relate. Not too long ago i fucked up an internship at a place i really wanted to work in the future by being me. I was exhausted and demotivated form school and thought that this time i'm not gonna try to act like someone i'm not. Not gonna act super happy, high energy, over the top interested etc, just chill and be me. Well, they didnt like me. What sucks is that people often want a certain type of person, and if you're not, then you're kinda fucked..
@@oxgene91 I never really understood replies like yours. So, honest question: do you think it is possible for people to be positive and kind and still be mistreated by life circumstances and people? Or do you think negative experiences are mostly our own fault?
Thank you for all your amazing content.
Dr. K totally recommended we lie and then recanted. I'm with you Dr. K, do what you can to get the truth.
"How do I impose the consequence without them lying?" Yess thank you!
I think a relationship should be about whether it is benefitting both sides, and work things out when it isn't.
Aite excellent analysis glad I found this channel
Great conversation. For getting rid of the black background on the lettering, try highlighting and pressing (CTRL + Space). It should convert the text to normal text with no highlight (for a PC).
That emote is so good, somehow it kept me more engaged because of the shit people write
same it brings many smiles to my face when i read them
Chat being visible for these types of videos is perfect.
This stream reminds me of the "I see you. Use your power for good." story that Dr. K told about his professor mentoring him. Listen to the man, folks. But use this power for good!
Do you remember what video it was?
Dr “but do you play hearthstone?” K
These videos about lying are very enlightening to me, as I have lied about as an addict. My man taught me about telling the truth and I am his safe place. He's suicidal af. It's nice being in the loop... Not him isolating. And I've cheated. I've been forgiven. I am a better person now. I have BPD.... Among other things, I'm i DBT therapy now and am trying to grasp meditation. Thank you for everything sir.
Commenting to boost this video in the algorithm!
I don’t think it helps but if so I’m commenting
My heart and soul melt every time one of his kids are on stream, they are criminally cute!
"Rejection does not destroy!" ~ Dr. K
"Have an opiate problem and has ADHD."
Oh, breaking the 4th wall and speaking directly to me now? Damn Dr K., youre good.
Amazing content Dr. K!
fantastic episode!
If you have anxiety about you coming off as guilty when you’re not, or if you’re brain decides it wants to sabotage you, then you might laugh and smile at an inconvenient time too. He did say when dealing with small consequence it more likely to happen though, so I guess that does cover that issue.
Dr. K is now what I want to be in the future. I'm graduating in Psychology, hardcore gamer... And even the hair is similar!
My problem with this is when the person with the financial stability is the one cheating and lying. The person you're trying to help is still required to pull their shit together alone, if they can't support themselves.
I hadn't thought of that, but I have seen people in this situation.
A friend of mine lived with a shitty boyfriend (who was the one who payed for most things) and was ready to throw all of the things she had achived by herself to stop living with him.
I stopped her and let her live with me for a while, until she got her shit together. Surprisingly, it only took her like 3 weeks.
I think it's important to reach out and help those people, also tell them to reach out and ask for help.
One of the most important body language indicators is saying something affirmative, while shaking the head 'no.' It goes along with what you mentioned about discongruent affect. The mind and body should be in sync.
In order to get somebody to tell the truth, lie to them. Got it, thanks Dr K
I am thinking of a scenario where the police have arrested an innocent person and are charging them with murder. Obviously, the consequences are VERY high, so by this model, the more they defend themselves, the more they are perceived to be lying.
What could a person in this position say to the authorities? I suppose nothing.
"Ah, you say that you did NOT kill that person. Sounds like something a killer would say."
Very interesting. I met a girl who have lied a lot for no reason. The stange thing is that I'm very open minded, a natural listenner, and I kindly offered her a way to escape her lies which was telling the truth without me being judgmental, just me listening. But she never told the truth (it wasn't even about cheating...)
I’ve had a very similar situation happen with my ex. I think some people are just pathological liars.
@@rosemorningstar5368 I think it’s because they are putting on a mask, they are constantly trying to show you a different person than you think they’re. So they’ll lie on even little things because even the little things help make up their facade they are creating, it’s like roleplaying, they’ll fabricate as many details as possible to fit that role, make sense?
Moralizing lying turns it into a vice towards someone's self image. For whatever reason whether it's social media or growing up being verbally abused, self image and ego is something to be very protective of. And egotistical liars are hard to nail because even without substantial consequences like revoking privileges, they always have an interest in lying to maintain image.
Something we can do is manipulate the liar by trying to convince them that what they did is cool, smart, or in other words virtuous along with taking out consequence from the equation.
Few seconds in an minds already blown holy crap
This makes me view the reason why my pathological liar "friend" used to lie all the time, he was very controlling and manipulative and i guess he did want controll all the time and how we viewed him.
Jobs like paladins, crusaders, tankers are less likely to lie because they have a high damage resistance. So they don't quite have to control the consequences of others (attacks) because they can handle it.
Jobs like thief and archer, high dex, who can do burst damage, are more likely to lie because their damage resistance are low
I like that analogy
That’s why I would make a better priest with my AOE healing.
This channel is like a senior level psychology course
This video made me realize I lie way more than I think I do
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀☀☀
💚💛❤
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
Recent sub. Really enjoy these insights
Dr K would u ever consider making a lecture about "Anger" or "Rage"? I want to know what is your perspective about that 🤔
Edit: also what is hate really about?
There's a video on Dr. K's second channel about tilt, that'd be somewhat relevant to your question and may help ya.
@@wiktor. whats his second channel?
@@DjVilez Dr. K out of context - consists of shorter clips from the streams
You gave me a lot of perspective as to why someone is slandering me currently
This was one of the best twitch chats ever.
The stundent will always surpass his master because the stundent knows deep down that he is not the master. if you realise you can make mistakes you risk more and learn more. For me in League of legends once i established in my personality that I AM GOOD i stopped improving and started blaming.
people dont always need a reason to lie
Here's a thought:
Reassuring someone (especially when done excessively) is a way of avoiding predicted consequences.
(At least) two conditions can cause someone to reassure you:
- They're guilty and they're lying to get away with it.
- They're innocent but afraid of the consequences because they have a lot of anxiety.
To tell the two apart, ask yourself whether they reassure you excessively across a broad range of situations.
If they're anxious they predict bad consequences everywhere and try to manage them.
If they're guilty they only predict bad consequences about the one thing they're guilty about.
8:36 well.... its important to evaluate what a high/low consequence is for that person.... bc ego plays a pretty big role in lying too...
That last part, didn’t think it would apply to me but... as someone with bpd it does.
Dr. K's chat is hella cute. Good environment.
thank you now i can ace every l.a.noire mission
LOL I love the brutal honesty "isn't that manipulative? YEAH it is" but they lied to you so fuck'em...
Chance of lying = consequences - ability to deal with consequences
I know this already.
it's easy to see through people.
That ending story reminds me of that manhwa Medical Return.
Hey Dr. K,
I'm sorry if you've covered this before (new to the channel), but I was wondering if you could do something on the concept of post-traumatic growth? While many people will experience trauma at some point in their lives, not everyone who goes through trauma experiences post-traumatic growth. Could you do something on what factors (both internal and external) predispose some people to experiencing post-traumatic growth while other people do not, and how people who are going through or coming off of a traumatic experience can try to change how they process the experience so that they experience post-traumatic growth rather than reacting more negatively?
Not sure why he's making it seem so complicated, just check if they typed Kappa
Or ngl
was gonna make a joke comment but the second half of this hit me too hard even though I don't lie, like about facing your fears of consequences
6:04
Way to have 0 accountability
There is a pressure to lie due to consequences
And pressure to tell the truth is integrity
The difference on integrity is how you weight honesty. Two people facing the same consequence can make a different choice. That’s a difference in integrity.
30:00 omg my heart, widepepohappy,
Im a pathological liar, when he said that i am a fuck up idk why but it really slapped me in my face thanks doc
Dr. K: what's lying?
Daughter K: ... ... ... ?
Dr. K: perfect, stay that way forever
Also Dr. K: only when you realize that every joy is transient can you truly enjoy it.
I need this guy's help so bad
Soap: I'm basically solid cause you threw in that lie
Also the big problem with lying is how alot of people see it as if its not a big deal . For me personally i really hate people who lie ive even ended friendships after finding out when a particular person lied to me about something . In my opinion we should really shame people who lie and adults should raise their kids knowing that there are big consequences for lying . But one thing that made me think was when you said ``if you want them to stop lying to you, present the idea of safety to them so they can feel comfortable coming clean to you`` that idea works perfectly well when it comes to smaller things like a sibling stealing a cookie from you .
COD DAMN so funny the DUNGEONS & DRAGONS nerd is in your chat typing "Is it magic or physical damage" when you talked about damage resistance!! I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING BUT MY TEETH SAVED ME AS USUAL!!
Holy shit, 45 seconds in and my mind is already blown.
I love the Polo and scrubs look. Busy man.
Brilliant.
Your sense of humor bro. So wholistic . A real one. ❤
sometimes I lie before I even think about it, just spoke too soon, and then it's just easier to keep it up. sometimes I say something, and then realize it might've been a dream and I'm actually unsure, but easier to let it stay. I can't stand lying on purpose bc it's too stressful and I live life in a way it's not necessary to keep things light and simple.
You are framing everything in terms of the control being beneficial to the person telling the lie, and while I do agree that is true for most of the time, I think it ignores a SIGNIFICANT part of the overall picture here.
In general I dont lie, I rarely need to, because I take responsibility for all of my own actions and have on many occasions come forward with something I know will not be in my favour because it was the right thing to do. So when I have lied, why did I lie?
It was to avoid the OTHER PERSON treating me unfairly
I know how this other person works and I know that they will purposely manipulate any failures on my part and use them against me. Whenever they make mistakes, the hide them and lie about it, then if I was to be honest with them, they would use that and turn it into the worst thing in the world, exaggerate it beyond all belief and then use it to manipulate my actions. So in those circumstances, I don't in any way assess "how can I control them to get what I want out of them" but more "how can I counter their attempts to manipulate me" (Which is a form of control, but it is preventing them PUSHING their action rather than me tryiing to PULL a certain action out of them
So now lets use YOUR example to highlight this point...
Imagine the person you are talking about isn't using again, but had JUST ONE SLIP UP. So they know there has been an incident they should be telling you, but lets say they know the kind of person you are and if you hear of even one slip up you are going to take their Adderall away for ever... so in that circumstance, they are not controlling your behavior in order to get you to act the way they want, but instead they are lying to you to PREVENT you from behaving in the way they know you would if they told you
So who then is in the wrong? They say you "teach people how to treat you", so are you not teaching other people to lie to you if YOUR actions are unbending or unfair?
Take another example... The jealous boyfriend who flies off the handle at every little thing that his girlfriend does. So the girlfriend is more likely to lie to the boyfriend about completely innocuous and mundane things NOT because they want to control the boyfriends behaviour to get what they want, but instead to PREVENT their boyfriend from flying off the handle and treating her unfairly.
So again... who is at fault here?
You have to understand there is a difference between PULLING a behaviour from someone and stopping them from PUSHING a certain behaviour on you
Hey Dr. K, what you said at 24 minutes was SO TRUE!
What is your favorite diablo game btw?
One therapist told our group that you shouldn’t confess to cheating if your spouse doesn’t know about it and you want to keep your marriage. He said it would only hurt the spouse and destroy the marriage. It seems reasonable, yet I’m glad I have a husband who I’m sure would never cheat on me or lie to me 😂