"LAZY" is a Coward's Term
Vložit
- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- #autistic
"A Beautiful Mess" - / @abeautifulmessextreme...
Become a member: / @midwestmagiccleaning
MERCH! www.teepublic....
Facebook: / midwestmagiccleaning
TikTok: / midwestmagicclean
Instagram: / midwestmagiccleaning
As Bonnie's mother, I want to thank you for the support you have and do give her. I have enjoyed watching your collaborations.
Thanks again for all that you do, not only for Bonnie but for all of the other homes and their owners.
Hi, mom!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I am so thankful for all you all do - even so much thank your supporting you daughter and her lovely family !! ♥️ I love your work and I'm just as crazy in that way as you guys are.
I know You All Move Worlds !!! Thank You!!!
Hug Bonnie for us!!
Please give Bonnie our love!!
We love Bonnie!!
The righteousness of "poor people don't deserve nice things" has always annoyed me. In a life where probably day to day existence is stressful due to limited finances, if your few sources of joy are your TV, your dog, or your gaming system then you deserve that!
Someone will never get better if they don't have threads of happiness and support in their life
I grew up in a poor Eastern European country that was also going through and then recovering from a war. Making ends meet was a magic rainbow. I worked a lot for very little money. I would buy Vogue magazins regularly (they were then available in my country in specialized bookstores). For me they were a window into a life that was completely different from anything I could even remotely imagine, and for a ten to fifteen minutes of my day I was transported to a place that was glamorous and sparkly and so diffeent from the doom and gloom I lived in. The magazines were expensive, there was so much more useful stuff I could buy (like, dunno, food), but they meant so much to me at that point in my life and I do not regret a single penny or a single moment I spent on them.
Thank you. One of the reasons I struggle with hoarding is having grown up poor, and people, including my own mother, telling me that I don't deserve this or that. When I started having more money, I started buying the things I had been told I didn't deserve. Not just one, either, but dozens. Like sterling silver flatware sets. Sterling silver tea services. Cashmere sweaters. Sets of fine china. Crystal vases. I've been to Europe three times, which to some people isn't much, but I was brought up to believe that would never happen.
Absolutely agree, if you're poor, have nothing, eating minimally and are not going to holidays or vacations etc then at least a TV or computer should be acceptable, even for the most sanctimonious of people surely can see this?! Bad enough sitting at home every day, they want people to just what, stare at the walls?? Unbelievable.
Exactly! Im poor now due to a recent job loss. I still have my high-end items from better times. I still deserve those things now. I wasnt required to hand them back in to the stores after my last day of work ((!??!?!)) You NEVER know the whole story. Sometimes you dont even know your own whole story. Leading with kindness/ compassion will never steer you wrong. And if not, just minding your business is always an option. IJS
This was my issue with that song called "Rich Men North of Richmond." While I was happy that the singer went viral, it was so sad that he had that line about fat poor people wasting his tax dollars by buying fudge rounds or whatever. Realistically, poor people in the US tend to be fat because of processed items in the food. And elevated cortisol from stress. Buying a box of cookies and a diet coke from the Dollar General, maybe a pizza, may be the only nice thing that a poor lonely hardworking person has. To make matters worse, the writer of that song struggles with alcoholism but seems to view his drug of choice as superior somehow to someone on food stamps buying some snacks to have a little variety in a limited, painful life.
Every time I mention online that I'm below the poverty line, I immediately get the vitriolic response of "Yet you're on the internet." It's insane. I recently had to have my apartment cleaned like this because I was so depressed I was suicidal and didn't care about my quality of life. Most people won't help and just judge. I'm glad I found your channel.
It's difficult to even be homeless these days without a smartphone to access services. I've never been above the poverty line, but I have only rarely been without high speed internet. It's a source of work, opportunities, and free entertainment that allows me to make and save more money than it costs. Also, just because someone is poor doesn't mean they don't deserve to enjoy their life or can't afford the occasional luxury. I don't think I know anyone that doesn't spend at least some of their limited resources on something "unnecessary" that is actually a crucial thing to make them feel human and continue functioning. Everyone needs a reason to live and enjoy themselves, no matter what their financial means.
@@discoj7112 Exactly, beautifully said!
Most people have internet and need it for work or to search for more opportunities. People are incredibly spiteful and moronic to believe that just because your poor suddenly means that you can’t be online
Clearly those people had never heard of libraries.
See, that vitriolic "response" doesn't make sense. The internet's come a LOOONG way since ARPA and not only is it more affordable, it's also starting to become more frequent in places/with people that otherwise couldn't access it.
It's insane how people will fire low blows without observing the situation in full. I'm sorry for your situation and I'm wishing you to stay strong. 💪🏼
As someone diagnosed with ADHD and Autism in my late 20s just a few years ago, one of my favorite things someone said to me when I was having some executive function issues and called myself lazy: _"Are you having fun? If you were lazy you'd be having fun. You're not though, you're disabled. And being disabled is not a moral failing."_
thank you, i needed that!
That is an excellent quote, thank you for sharing it.
Thank you! I needed that too!
I really like this way of looking at it. I also got diagnosed late in life (37) and have spent a lifetime calling myself lazy for everything. But I don't not do something for enjoyment, its not like I put it off to instead go have fun. I just sit there stressing about it and not able to do much of anything else haha. I WANT to do it, I wish more than anything I could just do a lot of daily simple tasks, but its like I have to fight myself every step of the way, like dragging a screaming toddler around, and it's *exhausting*. More exhausting than it woulda been to just do the damn thing I should be doing.
It makes no sense.
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you friend for sharing
thank you for humanising this. i was abused by both my parents then homeless for a year, when i finally got my flat the trauma set in heavily, despite my gratitude my flat became a mess similar to this. Growing up i wasn’t allowed to touch or move anything, even as an adult teen, i would get whacked if i touched my dads vacuum or “tampered” with my mothers linen or washing. So i became a human pet only being cleaned on their terms. Now being in my own space I was paralysed with the thought of touching cleaning products because “i could never do it right” and the mess felt like comfort, as much as it made me want to die. It was my mess, they couldn’t take that from me. My entire autonomy was stripped and taken advantage of; down to my sexual consent, and this mess was my own way of saying “Mine. Don’t touch.” I’m currently crawling out of another hoarding episode, about to finish cleaning my bedroom today & move onto the next room. I don’t ask to be like this. The trauma of my parents literally paralyses me. They were so anally obsessive with cleaning the house that I was not even allowed to touch hand soap or I had to replace it because i was a “waste of space taking everything i wanted”…
Mercy costs nothing, and the price of compassion extends endless generations. Thank you for not assuming those who end like this are dirt loving tramps. I hate this dirt, but it sadly is the only thing that feels like home.
We are just broken souls.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sad to read it, but i think you are helping others with your courage in sharing it.
No one deserves to go through what you went through, it shouldn't have happened and I'm so sorry it did. No one wants to live in a filthy house, it's an expression of legitimate pain and comes from understandable responses to unimaginable circumstances. I work as a professional cleaner and I see the best and the worst of people, but it just reminds you that we are all human and we all struggle, but everyone is deserving of help and compassion. Thank you for sharing your story, know that you are not alone and you are not broken ❤
Sending love and positive thoughts, I'm in a bad situation as well, it's unbearable and don't want to live this way.
I get you. I also grew up in a home where I wasn't allowed to have anything, or touch anything except designated chores. I would also get beaten with a leather strap if I didn't do my designated chores, touched anything I wasn't allowed to, or ate anything from the fridge/kitchen that hadn't been specifically left out for me. I never had any new clothes. All my clothes and shoes were second hand or hand me downs. My feet were ruined because the shoe mantra was "it doesn't matter if they're too big, you'll grow into them". The first and only time I had a doll, was an old bedraggled naked Barbie that I found on a beach. I used to make clothes for it out of scraps and I used to hide it in case it got taken away. I could go on but I won't because I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that there is someone else that knows what you have been through. All my life I have struggled with life & how to keep house, or how to make it a home because I was never taught. My home currently looks like many of these videos but it doesn't always. Sometimes, Like you @bugginonthewall, I get the urge to declutter but this time I am really struggling because I have a spine injury and not long ago had a heart operation. I have also recently being diagnosed with Autism, and CPTSD, both of which answered a lot of questions. There are more people like us out there in the world than most people realise. We are survivors.
Sounds daft but even if the room is bad you could try just buying something pretty, colourful and shiny which reminds you that it's your place not anyone else's. I've done that and I know a lot of where you're coming from; it just makes you feel that something good is with you. I haven't used a bath because of my stepdad and I visited a friend who showed me her new bathroom that she'd sorted out and there was a silver Buddha and plants; I nearly cried! I'm going to try to have plants in the bathroom even though I'll never use the bath again.❤❤
My friend desperately needed help with her house. It was out of control. I offered to go and help. She had no disorders as far as we knew. She basically just needed someone to direct her as we went. She didn’t stop when I was there. We did three eight hour days and she literally carried on for hours each day when I’d left because I’d left her a list of very specific jobs to do. She basically just couldn’t figure out how to organise the clear out and cleaning and was completely overwhelmed. She wasn’t lazy at all. Family and friends were saying she was lazy. That definitely wasn’t her problem. We did her entire house. She sobbed her heart out when it was done. She’d often ring me and ask me to pop round and list the jobs she needed to do to keep on top of it. She never let it get like that again. She just needed support. It’s very easy to judge.❤
Sounds like she has ADD. You describe classic symptoms of the disorder.
That's a very sweet thing to do! And sounds like it was incredibly helpful for her.
You sound like a wonderful friend. I had the exact same problem on a smaller scale for years - every time I'd go to clean my area of the house, I'd have a meltdown because I'd get too overwhelmed trying to figure out all the steps I needed to take. Somehow, eventually, I broke down and accepted help and it was the same story as yours. I had no issue going through the physical motions of cleaning and decluttering as long as someone was providing me with direction. Turns out I'm actually autistic and executive dysfunction is just a part of that. I remember feeling like such a failure when all along, I just had a disability that nobody including myself knew about. A lot of people would benefit from the compassion you gave your friend.
Just knowing where to start is huge! I cleared out a 3 story hoard by myself over the last few months and if it wasn't for the techniques and advice I learned on this channel, I don't know how I would have done it. Sometimes you just don't know what to do. I'm constantly learning super basic stuff, like the other day I figured out I can use a bucket and rag to clean instead of paper towels. It's amazing what people don't know or just need a little help to do or get started on. Thank you for helping your friend!
What a good friend you are!
There. Is no excuse for not being kind to others who finally find the courage to ask for help.
I feel so bad when people call aps
your comment was the nicest thing I read on so many YT channels. TY for that Laura. And I whole heartedly agree with you. ❤👍
UES, YES INDEED! I so very much agree!!
@@laurajordan7028 Annoyed that I can only like this once! ❤
Well said! 👏
You know - there’s something else I want to add. Ever since you, Barbie, and Bonnie joined this cleaning community, you started this sort of revolution of kindness, unity, and empathy. I think that deserves some acknowledgment. You guys are all phenomenal.
☝️This. TY
Agreed!
Well said..!!
I agree. You’re all awesome ❤
Agreed!!
Hi, I'm physically and mentally disabled. "Lazy", "unmotivated", and the other words you pointed out are all leveled at me and people like me all the time. Thank you for making all of these points.
Reading all these makes me feel like I am lazy I don’t have any conditions or outside factors. I just can’t find the care or motivation.
Retired social worker here. 35 years of absorbing the trauma, grief, problems and sadness of others. It results in compassion fatigue. This is what I can offer:Take time off when you need to. Escape into whatever makes you happy as often as you need to. And keep doing exactly what you’re doing…keeping a boundary between you and the toxicity of the haters.
Excellent advice. I was also a social worker and community therapist. It helped me to make sure I used my vacation time, to practice professional distancing (while still being appropriately respectful and compassionate) and to talk about work-related and personal issues with a person I trusted in a therapeutic setting... Beautiful music and literature also helped me to remember that not all the world is dramatic and sad. It can be hard to operate in the role of "helper" but it was a meaningful part of my life. And I did not blame my clients for their misfortunes or make them feel sorry they asked for help.
@@juliecriner good advice 👍🏻
Mac, thank you so much for this video. It was a great one to reuse and voice over with today's comments. I saw Bonnie's breakdown video and wondered how you would support her. Great job today. You guys renew my faith in humanity.
Social care worker here too! 😅almost 35 years in and still going 😅🤦🏻♀️😂
I'm 72, arthritic, depressed severely (and yes depression is exhausting), other problems but I have a good income. My next door neighbor mows my lawn for me, free. A few weeks ago I forced some money on him, but he was uncomfortable. A few nights ago I started thinking, maybe he's mowing my lawn as a blessing. Do I want to take that away from him?
You're doing a great job!
I used to clean houses to work my way through college and none of my clients were "lazy." They were elderly, disabled and grieving. One lady lost her son to suicide and she could not afford to take time off of work. The last thing on her mind was making her house look nice. It took everything out of her just to get through each day. Another client was hit by a drunk driver and no longer had full use of his legs. Cleaning his house was out of the question. When your body goes south, everything else tends to follow. It's easy to just set things down somewhere "for now" and have it become long term. Yes, it is a fire/safety/health hazard but when you're disabled, its an inherent risk you take and some people just don't see it.
I also had a friend who had to move out of her rented basement room. It was a horrible mess and the landlord was really mad and mean about it. I understand their view but this lady had lost her mother in February, her spouse in May and her brother in August, and again, could not afford to take time off of work. She ordered takeout every night and left all the wrappers in her room, which quickly became a mess. If you have never experienced these debilitating situations, congratulations, I hope you never do.
The mess isn't the problem, its the result of a problem...or many.
Thank you for sharing these examples. It puts a real human face on why people's homes are not clean. Everyone's story is different, and it takes someone special like you to see beyond the mess to the person and their need.
"The mess isn't the problem, it's the result of a problem...or many". Very well said. I'm going to type this out and put it on my fridge door. Thank you for this.
My Dad, Mother-in-Law, Step-Mother-in-Law, Son, and Mother all died within 2 years. Losing my son to suicide was the very worst - he had so much to live for but just couldn't visualize it. I ended up with many items from my loved ones and could easily have become a hoarder, because letting go of the items does seem like if you do, then they never existed or you didn't love them. After 15 years, I'm starting to be able to let things go. I don't use the items and haven't looked at them in 15 years, but they were loved by the people I miss. I don't talk about this with anyone, because I've had too many betrayals in my life. I'm grateful to see compassionate comments on this channel. God bless the kind people.
@@debpratt52I hear you! I’m going thro the same with the loss of many but most recently my mom whom I took care of for 9 years. Her stuff is everywhere and it’s hard to let go of. How did you finally do it? Would be great to hear but understand if it’s too much to chat about. Hope you keep moving forward. 👍🏽
@gggarcia7071 Maybe I can help with this. I lost my mum, and she was all I had and a very loving and caring mum, when I was only 15. I'm 55 now and I still miss her every day. But the raw pain from the first time is gone. So my advice is, take your time, don't let others tell you how "quickly" you have to get over your grieve. The first thing I managed to let go, were her clothes. Cause I knew that others in need would be very happy to have them. And from there on I went step by step. The aspect others in need might be happy helped me with other items as well, like furniture for example. It took me a while, but at a point I understood and more important felt, that she is deeply embedded in my heart forever and will never be truly gone. So whether a I keep items of her or not, it doesn't played a role for me anymore, cause she is there. So objects became simple innate objects again and not tokens of rememberance. I wish you all the best and deeply feel for you.
"You are the person that people simply tolerate" is a TOP TIER way to describe people who speak like that to/about others
Your commentary was incredible. I’m a 32-year-old woman who was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD last year. I’ve spent my entire life feeling defective, like my inability to take care of even basic needs is a moral failing. I still carry this deep and heavy shame to this day. I am also poor, and many of the places you feature in your videos remind me of my upbringing and life. Your commentary is so empathetic, so loving, and the world absolutely needs more people like you. I’m so happy I found your channel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
God it was so cathartic to hear someone say this explicitly. Absolutely, what we learnt as “laziness” was almost always overwhelm and not knowing how to start. This channel is a godsend.
executive dysfunction is a common one too
“There is so much judgment based on so little information.” This is a genius formulation of a genius insight.
"Never take advice from someone who isn't where you want to be." The man's out here spitting wisdom in the middle of autistic burnout. You, Sir, are an inspiration. Strip away the humor and your content is entertaining, educational, and supportive. Thank you for what you do. It really helps, even those of us not getting your cleaning.
Also let us out-of-staters know when you drop your stripper content. We'll be lining up with our 20s
20 bucks is 20 bucks
I would add to this already good advice. Only take advice from someone who is where you want to be and who got there how you would want to get there.
I add this because sometimes people get to good places by doing very bad things.
I LOVE when content creators clap back to nasty commenters. Spark joy or get out! You guys doing these cleanings are absolutely brilliant and give me faith in humanity ❤ Your videos are so inspiring.
the most delicious of moral treats, if you get the reference.
“Spark joy or get out!” I love it. I hope you don’t mind if I repeat it if I ever get the chance. ❤😂
I dont even think you need to spark joy, just dont be a d*ick about it.
I made my pet moose listen carefully to this. He calls me lazy when I don’t feed him on time! 🤦🏻♀️ Seriously though, people need to respect each other.
I hope your pet moose has learned to be more empathetic!
Your Pet Moose has been talking to my Siamese cat lol.
@@giancarloc1985 🤣🤣🤣
@@weirdarto we’re working on that 🤣🤣🤣
I grew up as a girl with undiagnosed ADHD and cleaning was always a negative experience for me. My mom would nag and nag and constantly belittle me for being "lazy" and unorganized, and now I associate cleaning with feelings of shame and inadequacy. Your channel has really helped me understand myself and my idiosyncrasies, and I feel a lot less shame and self-hate around my disorganized messy home. I do my best!
Ditto, only it was my dad. To this day I cannot stand certain phrases because of the negativity associated with it.
@@aceofspades3003 my mom would always say "I want this house spic and span!" whatever the hell that means.
Same, now cleaning is my calming, but I really struggle to finish. It's like once the job is over I lose a purpose.
My parents never taught me anything but expected me to know it all. They never helped either! Cleaning with a neruodivergency is so frustrating and often the people who are supposed to help us learn to handle it are the ones who fail us the most.
Omg this is me! Nothing was ever done or done right. Now I have panic attacks when I have to face a mess.
An example of a you tube free cleaner is cleanwithbea who commented on negative comments asking why she did it? Telling her that it would only just get dirty again so why bother. Her reply was, she had been in contact with the woman for a month and had never seen her smile. But after she cleaned everything and the woman walked into her flat again she smiled. Kindness and empathy can change lives.
Grew up in a hoarding house. Dad was on opioids and muscle relaxers, brother got my sister hooked on weed, alcohol, and addy. They left and it was just my dad and I. Being queer and an undiagnosed autistic in the deep rural south with the very little detail given to the trauma stated prior, I was in what a therapist called survival mode. Don't care, just stay alive until the next day, constantly distract yourself with addictive games and addictive food. So I just sat in my room, ate fast food, drank soda, and played games. I ended up with a trash pile in my room that was waist deep in the corner with my desk and shit strewn about with spots to step on. Under the bed was terrible cause you just push it under and boom its gone. That's just my room, not to mention the rest of the house. I don't understand how people can say it's laziness when it's constant mental suffering of you hating yourself for living the way you do and being unable to do anything because you just don't care if you were to live or die so you minimize effort and maximize easy pleasure.
Thank you for helping people who are dealing with what I have.
I work in homecare and have run into many situations where family and friends come over and repeatedly berate the client for a messy house. 'you're lazy or your just unmotivated" seems to be a particular common one.
I take them outside and sit them down and tell them " You are not helping, you are part of the problem. If you want to help talk to them and offer to come over every week and take out the trash or help do laundry with a smile and a good attitude."
Interesting how I never see these people again.
Thank you MMC for illuminating a situation that is so very common.
Cheers from the pacific northwest. Canada side.
I am a trauma therapist and I do not believe that lazy is a thing. I believe it is our nature as humans to be creative and productive, to want to add to value to our community. If we are not doing that, there is a reason. It could be physical and/ or mental illness, it’s often due to trauma, it could be because our brains work differently than our culture says they “should” and we get no accommodation for any of those differences. There’s always a reason.
Thanks for what you do and for your authentic voice. 😊
I believe the same, many people think that it would be a dream to never work again, however I and presumably many others want to do something productive with our time. Been searching for a job for months but due to not having a full driving license and a lack of work history (see the first issue) I have had no luck in my search.
My wife struggles with cleaning.
When she isn't just being down on herself, she often describes it as a case of just not having the energy to deal with it, and is often upset when someone helps because she feels that's the case
@@aldenpartridge4773 I think the biggest reason that people "don't want to work" is that for a majority of people, they don't get a choice in what kind of work they can manage to get with the resources they have access to. No one wants to be forced to do something they don't enjoy.
@@KaeranaiI would say few people enjoy what they do for a living. Most work at undesirable jobs because they have to bring money in to barely survive. Not everyone can afford college and not everyone is cut out for college to get the experience and knowledge for higher paying jobs. Most people work for barely above minimum wages.
Absolutely. I can't believe it these days when I hear someone refer to somebody sleeping all day as being lazy. Like, really? Think about that. Who the hell actually wants to sleep all day but ill or exhausted people?
I was a social worker for 30 years. Retired now. I can tell you that what you are doing is simply wonderful. You are literally lifting weight off of the emotional and physical shoulders of many people that they can see and feel being lifted the moment it is gone. Please continue to ban people with negative comments. A good lessen in setting boundaries. Your willingness to help in so many lives and in so many ways is a testament to your character and kind heart. Thank you, thank you.
Exactly! When a person has whatever mental/emotional/physical issues going on, helping with the practical things like cleaning makes a huge difference. It gives space to actually work on the underlying issues.
Hi magic, I'm watching this video I can't post myself because I made a comment on the alphabet agency. Well, I'm sorry for being like them, Lord, but yes, folks are mean on the internet.
My soon-to-be mother in law had a heart attack earlier in the year and needed assistance keeping her house clean. When I was moving my partner out of there 7 years ago, it was very messy. When I came back 2 months ago, there was no place to stand. Towers of trash went to the ceiling and there was just no place to stand. Paths between piles reminded me of the collier brothers.
I’ve had my own struggles finding motivation to clean, so I understood how this got out of hand. We called the help of another friend to immediately begin helping her before a pile fell over and trapped anyone. Not even 15 minutes in we were all kicked out to the streets. Our U-Haul with all of our belongings was in the front of her house and neither of us drive.
Since then we’ve been homeless. We’ve had 2 others come to help us who ended up just taking more of our money and not doing anything. We even had someone bring their mess into the home of someone who was letting us bunk; which we then had to clean up after.
I agree that cleaning for people you hear some really messed up stories. Despite me having autism as well, I’ve worked on my responses and can usually have a productive conversation. That is until they decide to throw me on the streets after moving me across the country for the explicit purpose of cleaning.
This has been a rough summer, and I feel terrible for my fiancé being disowned just for wanting to help his mother. Wish us luck, friends ❤
19:52 “I used to be an angry guy and my life was miserable. But man, once I learned empathy, the world changed!”
I want to put this on a billboard.
Bro, this hit me hard! EXACTLY THIS! Empathy literally changed my perspective on everything.
Yes! That's what should be on the billboards.
@@Lari-lc3zq OMG YES ❤
It's such a real statement. I have ADHD and depression, and therefore real issues with regulating my moods, plus had a lot of self shame/hate for being one of these 'lazy' people. During my teens and 20s I just became ANGRY, all the time. I let hate consume my life, and it really does consume everything. I blamed everything, and everyone, including myself, and was miserable.
Life really turned around when I opened myself up and started to open myself up to other people's lives and struggles.
Honestly. My life used to be much easier in a material sense but I was bitter and miserable. It's much better to have empathy.
I hate when people think their experiences are universal! I think "laziness" is extremely rare. I get called lazy for my extreme chronic depression all the time. It's horrible being called that when you are making an Herculean effort and everything takes you twice as much brain power. I appreciate you using your platform to educate more than you'll ever know.
My grandmother once said i should just "work through" a depression side effect. Fuck that. It was mild depression and it was STILL potentiallu crippling. No way, no how, was i risking letting that potentially spiral into full blown depression when i could just microdose with something that counteracted that effect. (Especially when that something else also offers additional protection against headaches.
I also am likely one of those actually lazy people, mind, so becoming actually depressed on TOP of that would be a disaster, to say the least.
Hugs
@@fractalgemIf you feel comfortable sharing, what is that thing that helps with headaches? I deal with chronic headaches, have tried a ton of medications, and will try almost anything at this point.
@@violettracey hydroxyzine, taken at night. Helps me with sleep too. Unfortunately it IS becoming less effective for me now, had a nasty headache today, but it worked really well for about 6 months and also soothed some mild stomach pain and allergies.
Previously was prescribed amitryptaline at night which helped but made me ridiculously anxious when taken daily, especially after i got covid. Microdosing on the latter cancelled out the depression caused by the former (about a quarter of the smallest available tablet per week )
@@violettraceyim not sure what happened to my previous comment, but hydroxyzine. Sadly it only worked full force for about 6 months, its working a lit less effectively these past few days.
“Motivation… really just a fancy word for reason” I love this insight. Separating reasoning and excitement really helps to make “motivation” a much less magical term.
That anger feels like envy to me. Like "why is someone else getting what I want to get??" Except that they go about it in the worst way possible. Deep inside, they feel hurt or want help, but are too proud to ask for it, and seeing others getting empathized with and cared for is infuriating, so they throw a tantrum over it. They don't admit that these people you're helping genuinely need it, because this means they aren't special and won't get a cookie for doing things. Misery loves company, and they don't want to see anybody being happy when they aren't. Like a child having a hissy fit over another child getting a toy.
As a person with a disability, you get a lot of these bitter able-bodied people. They accuse you of what they are "someone who wants to be spoiled and wants to be special". Like, they'll ignore how negative the situation is, so they can get a cookie to feel better about themselves.
Having some money doesn't even have anything to do with executive functioning or mental health. You can buy a TV but struggle at doing tasks.
Outrage is a hell of a drug and many people are completely addicted to it.
I didn't know you knew my sister. LOL!
@@AZHITW ❤oh my gosh! This really has me laughing!! 😂😂
Oh well said! I hadn’t thought about it in those terms before x
Amen happy cat! Speaking truth there❤
I don't even show outrage to people showing outrage. It's just a vicious cycle and I don't like getting into a fight with those kind of people. They just bring you down. I like to look at the positives. This channel is about lifting people up and not blaming anyone.
I lost my oldest daughter 18 months ago. She left a four bedroom house full to the ceiling with stuff. I cannot tell you how much your channel has not only helped me figure out how to go through everything in the house but to understand the chaos in his life. She was 38. She had epilepsy, ADD, BPD, and had a recent stroke leading to short term memory loss. I struggled to understand what happened in her home (which she would never let me in to) the few years after the stroke.
Thank you for your compassion.
im sory about you losing your daughter,i pray for any soul grieving every single solitart day without fail. Pray for peace of mind and in your heart. God will answer.
So sorry for this terrible loss.
I am so sorry to read about your daughter. To go through so much healthwise and then pass away at such a young age, is terrible. You are not only having to deal with your grief but, also, the consequences of your daughter’s life. My thoughts are with you as you face the future without her while getting her house sorted as well. I hope you have people to help you. With love from Down Under 😘💕🙏🕊️🇦🇺.
I'm so sorry! That sounds terrible! I hope going through her house has given you some understand and peace.
Bless you I’m so sorry for your loss … I hope you will find comfort and healing as you sort and sift ❤❤❤ much love to you xxx
I'm neurodivergent with depression and anxiety disorder. I've realized I am more productive cleaning using the body double method, but the catch 22 is in my deepest depression, I was too ashamed of the status of my house to let anyone in. That created an endless cycle for a long time and I wish I had known about this channel while I was going through that. I needed to hear this level of empathy but had no one in my life who looked at it that way. In other words, this video spoke directly to my soul. Thank you for doing what you do and sharing it with us.
I have the same issue. I found that body doubling g through CZcams helps tremendously.
I cannot for the life of me remember the name but there’s an app that assigns you a productivity buddy for a short period. I also recommend trying to get someone on the phone and chit chat
@@Shoob-k5u If you ever remember the name of this app, would love to hear it. I've always wanted to try helping folk as a productivity buddy/body double kinda thing. I only found out about the power of it in the last few years and it's helped me hugely, would love to pass that on to others.
just wanted to say i'm in the same boat. i have people who really want to come and help me, but i don't even feel comfortable hiring a cleaner bc of the shame. like ppl have said: apps (focusmate and others), body doubling youtube, my personal one is watching a twitch streamer i really like do a task (for me it's music production bc I have a music background), which acts as body doubling for me. don't give up! doing one small thing might feel like nothing, but it's still one less thing to do later (:
my burnout absolutely disabled me. I was hitting burnout in high school from stress, and the hits and stress hardly let up. while my little studio doesn't get as bad as the places you tend to clean, its still often navigating paths of clothes and garbage. I don't like living this way. no one wants to live this way. people like you help make me feel less guilty about how my space gets.
thank you for doing what you do, but absolutely take care of yourself too, you do not want to burnout in the way i did, it feels horrible.
It's so much easier to help a friend clean than it is to clean my own space because I'm attached to MY trash, not theirs
real
I’m helping my dad clean out his brother’s huge shed/garage so that my dad can turn it into a woodworking ‘facility’ for making furniture during his retirement. At the same time I’m sleeping in a bed with a doona that I’ve never quite gotten around to putting the cover on, a massive pile of clothes piled on the foot of the bed that may need to go in the wash or back in the wardrobe, the floor is covered with clothes that definitely need to go in the wash and shoes I haven’t put away in six months, the washing basket is full of clean clothes from a wash day I did about a month ago, because of all the laundry on the floor I haven’t vacuumed this year, and after living here for two years I’ve never dusted. I’m thoroughly enjoying cleaning out my uncle’s shed - eager to get up early every morning so we can maximise the number of hours we have to spend in the shed, but can barely even think about my own mess. It’s weird how the brain works.
@@sarahjanefrost- It FEELS GOOD to HELP OTHERS. It is HELPFUL to have a partner/s to tackle a project to reduce the load. It is EASIER to work on OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF because you have NO ATTACHMENT to it and you can WALK AWAY from it at the end of the day.
Oh my god someone else who is attached to their trash, I said that one time on tiktok and someone said that was hoarder mentality 😭
Its hard to be wise to myself than wise to others, because Im attached to my problems too.
I rather be dumb as a rock in a friend's gathering than flaunting anything. When the attachment is gone, life flows like a river, even if money are tighter than ever
And thus, so many ideologies boil down to finding excuses not to help people in need. Or worse, to decide who is an "acceptable target." Kudos to you for not judging people who are struggling with this issue.
👏🎉🎉👏
There is no need for an "excuse". There's no reason to help people unless they offer you a reward.
@@GruntoSkunko No one knows you here. No need to act tough.
And worse, there are people who claim they are all about love who refuse to help others.
@@GruntoSkunko the reward is a functioning bloody society, btw Ayn Rand is that way ya objectivist prick
I absolutely stand behind this. I had to live in similar conditions to what you encounter for almost 35 years of my life. Then, I was put on ONE specific medication. My house is now clean. My laundry stays done, I have clean dishes and kitchen surfaces to make good food. My bathrooms are clean, I can shower regularly. It was like a miracle happened. I wasn't lazy, I was struggling with mental illness.
I'm glad you were able to get the treatment you needed! Being able to function properly is such a basic need that so many take for granted. I hope things keep looking up for you ❤️
Please share what that medication was that helped you!
Bless you love ❤️
What med!?!?! I need it. Been struggling for 15 years. One med hg ekpes for a while then side effects kicked in and I had to reduce the dose. Now I'm back to struggling daily.
Same here, though I'm still in the process of cleaning up. I think the support I've had so far has been crucial to get me to the point where a different medication is able to not have to do all of the heavy lifting, and now the support doesn't have to do all of that either, and since then I've been able make much better progress and am also finding some interest in things again rather than having to just keep struggling uphill with everything. It can feel like you're trying but you're just not capable, and everything's been tried and you'll just never get there. I almost didn't try another medication because I thought it'd be the same difficulties as the previous ones, and it may lose its effectiveness so I'm trying to dig out of my rut in ways to be in a better position if it does.
I'm glad things have improved for you.
People can't even begin to conceptualize that hoarding can begin for many reasons. My mom was a hoarder but she never kept garbage or anything like in this video. I have to go through the home now that she's passed and everything she's hoarded is valuables, tools and raw materials all still in packaging. My mother was hoarding projects, not trash.
My aunt is a hoarder of useful things and gifts she might one day give to her many, many relatives, if she can remember and find it.
And Mom hoards food. Sometimes my sister will yell at me for not throwing away her leftovers when she leaves them in the fridge so long they go bad, but I don't think she understands how often Mom would yell at me for trying to throw away food that was out of date but "not bad yet".
“i promise you you are the person people in your life simply tolerate” is something so many people need to hear
That's my dad, the good for absolutely nothing A-hole is simply tolerated, he's a mean and spiteful cunt who takes every opportunity to hate on others and to put words and ideas into their mouths, god I hate him so much, and I promise I'm not like this with anyone else in the world but him, he's the reason I'm so messed up in the head, and the rest of my life is gonna be spent undoing the bullshit he put into my head.
I read this while listening to this and I instantly thought omg is he going to say that about us
That’s rude
This narration deserves a standing ovation! ❤
absolutely!
Mack could be a talk show host w his own show!! 😉💕
He's better for my mental health than any therapist I've ever seen. He brings peace to my life
I totally agree!
Absolutely!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Technically educated doesn’t mean enlightened. You are enlightened and continue to enlighten others every day. Thank you Mack.
I used to be a hoarder and my friend is a hoarder, so I help clean her room sometimes when I go over to her house. We both have ADHD and depression, and I can tell you from experience that shaming someone for not functioning makes them slip further into the inability to function. Thank you for helping them.
THIS oh my god
Yelling at me for not doing things I should be doing (mostly regarding cleaning/hygiene) just makes me feel worse about it
Now I'm still *not doing it* but I just feel guilty and disgusting for not doing so
I'm a nurse, I get it. Plenty of jerks out there. What you give is life changing. Thank you for everything ❤️
"Never let facts get in the way of a good superiority complex." 😂 Grandma was spot on.
My daughter with ADHD and anxiety struggles to feel good about herself. She's well aware of the messes she creates but has a hard time staying on the goal of organizing, cleaning, and decluttering. I usually give her a plastic grocery bag and ask her to just pick up certain items today. It may not get done for a few days but I don't rush her. I know what a good person she is and that this is a challenge. When she fills the bag, she comes to show me and I give her an "atta girl" because I know she just got a bit of dopamine and I want her to know that I see her trying hard. As her parent, I have not always been like this. I've had to learn to work with her and not be that extra nagging voice that makes these expectations even harder to meet. But a lot of people don't understand, don't try to understand, don't try to help. We need more care and understanding in this world. Compassion is not a weakness, it is a catalyst for change in a positive direction. Thank you for your words and all the work you do.
This almost made me shed a tear as a woman who was only recently diagnosed in my early 20s, I really wish my parents and I had known sooner because this sort of thing was always a struggle
I have been diagnosed with autism since my early teens, but my mom never managed this... I think she is starting to try (I am 27 now 😂) but I still get critiqued a lot for things I really can't help like being bad at meal shopping and having trouble taking contact with people... Very happy to hear other parents taking a more positive approach. I love my mom a lot but I do think it has taken a toll on my confidence.
@emilylefebvre5132 I'm in my mid 20's I found out I have adhd at the beginning of the year. It's nice to know now, but I would've done anything to know sooner. I hope you've found some ways to help combat it. I understand it's tough as hell
It’s sad when people judge when they don’t walk a mile in the other persons shoes. My husband died at 27 leaving me with 3 children under the age of 6. The youngest was 7 months old. I was 23 and felt like my life was over. My depression became so bad and I was so overwhelmed that I let my house go and it became a pig sty. I am usually a good housekeeper but depression takes everything away. I eventually got well and got my house cleaned and was able to properly care for my kids and house. Never judge others by appearances. You have no idea what they are dealing with. I commend you for the help you give.
How are your kids doing?
This channel is such a gift! I'm a disabled military war veteran with ADHD, alone with no family or friends - and just dealing with a one bedroom one bath condo that is as old and decrepit as I am, just trying to somewhat clean, and take care of my personal affairs, while also working full time as a social worker caring for other veterans who are older and worse off than I am - it's hard to be old, ADHD, have bad feet, hips and back, work inpatient care all day, then try to cook, clean, pay bills, keep everything straight. I'm glad I don't have a pet - I'm saving up for a pet Roomba to help.
@@chrysiarose my dad served as fireman and USA Air force reserve
Pet Roomba is the cutest idea. I hope you can get one soon!
Keep up the fight even though it’s rough - the alternatives are worse! Here’s a tip about Roombas - get an actual Roomba made by iRobot and not some other brand. Roombas are the oldest brand, they are built very sturdy, and it’s easy to get parts and fix them yourself if they break. For that reason you could do well to get a refurbished or used one cheap on eBay etc. The other brands are like the usual consumer electronics nowadays, flimsy and made to be thrown out when they break.
Thank you for all you do.
I'm autistic with ADHD and my son is autistic as well. My step son has ADHD and he struggles really hard with cleaning. His room is a hoarders mess. Often I just get so burnt out just trying to keep the rest of the house clean that his room often gets overlooked, but I try to help him when I can.
We had one individual come to our house and tried to take pictures of his room and repeatedly tried to shame him for it. My son was clearly upset and kept telling him to stop and go away. I told my husband I didn't want said individual back.
The problem I have with these people is that they find it perfectly fine to shame or degrade but will not lift a finger to help. They are so busy pointing fingers and judging. I would even go as far as to say they get off on a sense of superiority. The whole "I'm better than you because my house is cleaner than yours and I'm going to make sure you know it."
If they truly were concerned and empathized they would offer to help.
For me, I stick to the mind frame
"See a need, fill a need"
Compassion is a form of healing, but shaming someone struggling is a deep wound that festers, eating away at everything until compassion heals the damage.
Part of the issue is that the tips people give ADHD people for cleaning I find are just, not good.
Like for me I find that the best way is to set up sort of habitual triggers for cleaning. When you notice X, you do Y. Rather than setting off a day to do cleaning, you do little bits of cleaning every now and then.
Like rather than doing hoovering every Monday, something my time blind ass will never keep up with for long, I hoover when I step on some crumbs. That's when I know shits probably a bit dirty, and then I do a little hoover of that area, maybe doing more if I get into the groove.
But the important thing I find is the habit itself, and for setting up the habit you need to make sure that what you do in response to noticing something isn't clean is as small as possible.
Notice there is a pile of dishes? All you have as a habit is to do one dish. You can do more as a bonus, but having such a low threshold makes habit building so much more feasible if you have ADHD.
This may not work for you, but I hope it helps, as it works for me, and cleaning is something I have struggled with in the past, as I have ADHD and autism. Executive dysfunction a bitch.
"The problem [...] is that they find it perfectly fine to shame or degrade but will not lift a finger to help."
This! This right here is the worst part! They pretend to be morally superior (many believe they are) but then do the morally inferior thing which is to blame and shame! When a truly decent person would offer to help, even if it's only in small ways.
You worded it perfectly
@@MissingRaptor SUPERIORITY COMPLEX - a fundamental need to feel BETTER THAN OTHERS - is another highly addictive "drug'. (Well, I'M good at this, why can't YOU figure it out?)
When someone is struggling and asking for help, that means they ALREADY COMPREHEND AND OWN the ISSUE and do not need to be reminded of said issue with shaming or a "beat down" (just like putting a dog's nose in their poo doesn't train them not to do it in the house. They just feel confused and bad.).
With children, especially, it is better to focus on what they're doing well and HELP them to FIND THEIR OWN STYLE or METHOD OF COPING with it. Everyone is unique and there are NO one-size-fits-all solutions!
The GREATEST TEACHERS seek to INSPIRE each individual student to excel and knows (or learns) how to pull the best out of each one. The STUDENT then builds a solid base on which to build a good future.
When I got diagnosed with autism, one of the biggest factors was the fact that I really struggled with empathy and sympathy. I wasn't hateful per-se, and I was never the kind of person to leave behind hateful messages on CZcams videos or whatnot, but I definitely struggled to put myself in peoples shoes. I remember very very clearly how much I berated myself for not being empathetic, and only recently did I start to TEACH myself to be empathetic. I really think that compassion, empathy and the such can be learned, and my therapist did me no favors back then by trying to convince me I would be apathetic for life. I still struggle with emotions, and I find myself being 0 or 100 the majority of the time, but 19:46 struck such a chord in me and I found myself tearing up a little. Keep up the good work, man, I came to the channel for the cleaning and the tips, and I stayed for the good autistic role model that I never realized I needed after years and years of seeing neurotypicals dominating online spaces.
this is so much more compassionate and real than those heartbreakingly brute-force, pseudo-therapeutic, and re-traumatizing approaches from those cable TV shows. thank you for doing the kind of work that you do, and remember to reward yourself with enough leisure for all that hard work
The tv shows are just pageantry. I do like that they bring awareness to it, but they almost always do it in terrible ways. Most shows framed as some sort of charity are actually really cruel. Think that how to dress show that would tear someone down about how they dress and make them physically Throw away all their clothes on tv or extreme home makeover who pretended on show to be so helpful and kind but build tinderbox homes that are unfunctional and unmaintainable and cost too much to even live in.
They say, when you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced. That’s why those with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self importance.
This is the most brilliant comment...you win today! 🤣
I am going to cross stitch this onto a pillow
LOL omg
Pride is one juicy apple that poisons a lot otherwise perfectly good pies.
lol savage ❤
I lost 4 family members in the span of three months, to Covid. Then after that I lost my father. Thankfully it was not from Covid, he was 95.
Instantaneously my life changed. I know exactly what it’s like not to be able to move physically or even think clearly.
It took years to get my life back in order. The last thing that was on my mind was getting out of bed to accomplish ANYTHING.
My home is in order now. But I wish I had found your channel earlier, I would have gotten things done a lot quicker.
When I found your channel this year, it got me through some emotional things that I hadn’t worked through yet. Your commentary in your videos continues to help me stay focused. I am very grateful. 🥰
I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I can’t imagine going through that in such a short period of time. Covid has a lot to answer for. The effect it has had on our lives, both from the disease itself as well as the consequences like lockdowns, isolation from each other, etc, has been life changing and we will never be the same again. I am glad you have finally got through it and were able to get your house sorted. I live for the day when I can do the same. Bless you. With love from Down Under 😘💕🙏🕊️🇦🇺.
So so so sorry for your losses love and prayers❤
@@kimcourt5652
Thank You! 🥰
@@diannebernau3293
Thank You! Yes it’s shocking what Covid has done. This channel is wonderful & I know it will help you with the things you need to do! 🥰
Sorry about your losses. Glad things are looking better for you. ❤
I saw Bonnie’s video. It broke my heart to see her so sad.
I appreciate all you do . Especially the way you explain the reasons people aren’t lazy. They need kindness and caring.
I hope you get the rest and reset you need soon.
Know I care.
I’m an adult with ASD and ADHD, on top of that I have anxiety induced depression and I’m a recovered crystal meth addict. I needed to tell you how validating and comforting this video was. I teared up a couple times because I have been called lazy my whole life and hearing someone who knows what they’re talking about feels so, so good. Thank you, subbed.
I can definitely confirm, healthy people don’t live like this. No one WANTS to be in a situation like that. If someone does, they have a problem preventing them from doing it.
Bravo!! I have a cousin that has hoarding disorder. Every few years the fire department makes her clean up due to fire hazard. She is not lazy. She lives in one of the most expensive areas in California so she is not poor. She could afford to have a live in maid. Part of her hoarding is if she sees something she wants, she doesn't buy one, she will buy 4 or 5. You can see her outside hoard from Google satellite view. So, thanks for sticking up for those that can't stick up for themselves! And thank you for sticking up for yourselves & other free cleaners!
You said it ALL in this video. Hate seeing Bonnie struggle. She’s so amazing. Thank you for helping all the people out.
As an ADHD person with a mild chaos in my room, i understand that. It took me months to finally clean up one shelf, the process was quick, like 2h, but for me it is the limit, i swear to God, that i wasn't that tired sometimes after shift end. I still try to keep it clean, because i already have depression, and im gonna rot away, if i stay in the dirty room
I used to be one of those judgmental jerks. Then it happened to me… Your multi-factorial analysis of how these situations develop is bone-chillingly accurate. The world needs more people with your perspective. Thank you for doing what you do.
👩🏻⚕️ 🦠 🐣 🧼 I’m a mental health nurse and I discovered your channel a few days ago. I’ve been binging while I’ve had my worst ever case of COVID, along with caring for my newborn and 2 kids… with help from friends and family. I love how you understand and help your viewers understand. I love what you do. I’ve always hated the typical extreme cleaning shows because of the insensitivity to the real issues (as well as what feels like exploitation of emotions for entertainment). It’s not just a trashy room- every bit of that represents what someone is experiencing. Again, I love what you do. Thank you for everything you put into this. Thank you for your humor! Thank you for caring. Thank you for what you do! I hope and pray you are feeling great again soon! You deserve it!
Sending prayers, hope you feel better soon 🙏🙏🙏
Wish you a speedy recovery.❤
Your compassion, empathy, kindness, vulnerability and sense of humor are why you have the love from your followers that you do.
You get back what you give.
You just gave me 20 years of therapy in 30 minutes - really, 20 years. You just explained all of life in this video. You'd think it's so simple, self-evident, but it's not; it's not. Thanks, Cornbread Lovehog. I loved this.
What you said is so true, and it does not only apply to cleaning channels. We offer people with no/low income free spay/neuter, vaccination, and emergency medical care for their dogs and cats, and the judgement from people who never even set foot in a township is unreal. Easily understandable fact: financially less fortunate people do love their pets as well! And they often need them even more - as a last bit of hope.
I have a confession to make. I found your channel by accident. I watched about 10 or so videos and listened to your explanation of the what your clients are going through before I started to understand. I was one of the people who was judgemental and thought they should “just clean” their house. So, thank you for caring enough about your customers and your viewers make sure we get it. You’re a great person and you deserve the best things in life. ❤
this warms my heart so much to hear
@lavender5624 i love that well analogy! I struggle with adhd but definitely not to this extent and hearing this is very interesting. I always tried to be empathetic, but I have never heard such a clearly worded essay on something like this, and I guess I just wanted to say that someone read this and appreciated it, and I’m really glad you’ve found better ways to cope and are doing better! I wish you nothing but the best on your journey
@@lavender5624i am so proud of you! You are doing really, really well!!
Love, from a fellow brain in Australia.
@@lavender5624+ As a fellow disabled person, I'm really curious where you work. Wondering if I could do something similar maybe....
i've been saying for a while that laziness doesn't exist, it's just a label we apply when they can't figure out the real cause or causes of behavior or lack thereof. it's like "evil" in that way. i have never once encountered a single person of whom i was remotely confident saying "yeah, there's literally no other possible reason they could be acting like this, they're just being lazy or are a lazy person."
I was off work sick as I had had another miscarriage. A work colleague challenged me and said she didn't know why I needed a week off, I could always just get pregnant again!!!! Yeah, that helped my mental health at the time. People huh? Got two huge strapping grown up wonderful sons now, and, I taught them empathy!
❤💕❤ I am so sorry your colleague said that. Bless you.
@@andifism who the hell says that to a mom that miscarried?!? Like, wtf?
I did react rather badly at the time. Think I said wtf too! Some people still have the power to shock me. I can't believe it when Mack tells us about some of the nastier comments.
@@andifism I’m glad that you were able to have more children, and if you believe in God I hope you get to meet that child one day. I’m also sorry that anyone said that to you when you were grieving. Grief really doesn’t have a time limit. This is nothing like losing a child but I still break down and cry for the dog I lost three years ago on occasion. Sending you lots of good vibes.
Thank you! I'm sorry you lost your buddy, it's so hard isn't it? Everybody grieves differently and I too could still sit and cry , it means you have a big heart. My husband planted roses in our garden every time we lost a baby. They flower every year from March to November and are such a comfort. Perhaps plant something in honour of your doggo? Thank you for your kindness, you've helped so much, I'm hoping I will meet my babies and my lost dogs one day. I'm hoping you do too 😘
Man . . . when you started talking about "If going into that room causes you PTSD like symptoms." . . .
I'm ND, myself, and quite certain that my parents both are as well. My dad had allowed the home of my childhood to utterly degrade to an unlivable degree, and, fed up with it, I had offered to help clean it for him.
I could only barely finish the job because every room, every thing that I found, every discarded treasured memory just left to rot and decay inside that house absolutely crushed my soul. We got it done eventually, but it took way more out of me, and took calling in more help than I had hoped for. Thank you for the stuff that you do.
The voice over on this video was so healing to my heart. Years of therapy, but this is what I needed most. My husband has autism, I have adhd.my son has had 3 open heart surgeries,a stroke, and is autistic in his short 6 year life, my daughter also has adhd. I’m disabled. And our financial situation sucks, but also the energy to just basically function, clean, even shower is sometimes the hardest thing. People have been cruel which has confused me the most because in my life “before” the chaos I spent all my energy helping others like me. It’s caused us to isolate and struggle in silence and that silence is KILLING me. Thank you for being such a kind human!
This video means the world to me. I’m an audhd person myself. Autism diagnosed and I highly suspect I have adhd too, I’ve always felt like I’m just a lazy defect who wasn’t made for life. I didn’t know why I was so “lazy” and “unmotivated” but reading all these comments and watching this video genuinely makes me feel so seen and understood. Thank you for the kind work you do, it’s taught me to be kinder to myself and others too. We never know the full story of what someones going through, it’s so important to remember to treat others with kindness and patience. We all have our own battles to fight and some are more visible than others, but those fights get a little easier when we have people like you to help us get back on our feet.
Years ago, a pastor said something that was life changing. He said every time you want to use the word "deserve", change it to "need". This is humbling. Whether you're thinking about what you think you deserve, or you're thinking about what others deserve, this will humble you to think instead about needs.
If I may. As a first responder there's a saying. There's no more important person than you. Meaning you have to take care of yourself if you're going to help other people. That's the most important thing to remember. So y'all out there helping other people please remember to step back once in awhile and to take care of yourself.
Guys I found the hero 👑👑
Tell me about it!A occasional day pampering yourself along with routinely taking good care of yourself can make 1 heck of a difference in regards to your personal reserves & ability to help others.
You, Bonnie, Barbie and all the others have my respect. We are having to clean out my Mom's house. It is horribly sad and heartbreaking now that I understand so much more from watching all your videos. People do not understand what it is like for them. For my Mom, having all the "stuff" meant she was not alone. Her years of loneliness is all I can think of while we clean things out. Sending you all support and love!
Sorry for your loss...😢
Dude, thank you for making this point and spelling it out. The thing is, attitudes like this make it hard to actually help people because they think there's something "wrong" with them, as in a really negative thing. Like it's not okay for them to admit that this thing is hard, or nigh-on impossible to do.
My wife has a "hoarder" mother (she has mental health issues and it is expressed in similar ways to hoarding). My mother in law has raised 3 children and always provided a house for her family. She's worked even when she has cancer treatments the same week. This woman isn't lazy, something in her brain doesn't work the same way as us. My wife was brought up by this woman, so she stuggles at times with cleaning routine, and until I came along she had no support in working and dealing with this. Don't worry, this is all tying back into that first sentence, I'm not just rambling.
Since we got married, because I am a US immigrant with a background in building work, my job has been to look after her mother, keep the house clean and work on the areas that got packed with stuff. My wife feels terrible that there are cleaning things I do that she just doesn't think of doing. This really hits her mental health, and I have to sit her down and explain something along the lines of, "Baby, you were brought up by a woman who has a part of her brain that doesn't work right for cleaning or throwing things away. You haven't come from the same upbringing as me. This seems easy because it's routine for me and I don't balk at the big jobs because I'm used to turning up on a site and figuring out a plan of action. I'm not angry, I understand why you struggle with this", etc.
Even the people who are affected further down the line by these conditions struggle to develop skills and routines to fix the issue, because they're constantly told their failing.
The biggest thing you’ve said that was a powerful thing.. if you want to clean, you are already motivated. What you need is to move. Just get up and do one thing. That made my house clean ! You have great insight to the mental blocks. Thanks. ❤️
Something you said about people asking why you are cleaning if it's just going to get dirty later made me think of a Dr. Who (I think) quote. I don't remember the exact wording, but it's along the lines of "Why make someone happy now if they are going to be sad later? Because they are going to be sad later." We do things now, good things now, because we know things can get bad later, and knowing that things were good once means we know they can be good again.
Thank you for all you do, I hope you and all the other YT cleaners know you are appreciated and hope you guys all heal, as well as the people you help.
The kindness and compassion you show your clients, yourself,and others is inspiring.
I have ADHD; Depression; etc. Thank you for saying this!! You and your team are amazing!! I get the burning out and breaking down. You all are the light in the darkness so thank you so much for everything you do!!
THANK YOU!! my mother died in 2016, and less than 2 months later my brother died. I was left alone to take care of my elderly father who had Alzheimers (and im on the spectrum) after 5 years of struggling to take care of him, myself and the house through my depression, mourning, and burnout the house was a disaster. my father passed after we both got covid, and when my last surviving brother saw the house all I got was crap for being lazy. nobody ever offered help while I was struggling to keep things going all on my own, yet it was all my fault when it fell apart.
thank you for understanding that some people just fall apart and need help, not hate.
Hearing you explain that "motivation" isn't just getting excited or hitting a manic state to begin cleaning actually hit me really hard. I've been struggling with cleaning my own bedroom because I wanted "motivation" to come to me (as well as a time to start haha), and hearing your suggestions (turning on music, having a friend help etc.) kinda helped me realize that I just need to get started. I'm hoping that by next week my room should be cleaned, so I'll definitely drop an update on that progress. Hope your burnout eases up soon, you deserve some ease on your mind.
Also, cute cats!
The good news is, if your only obstacle is getting going, it’s so easy to keep going! If you need a prompt, here it is! Do a thing!
A-freaking-men, Mack! People forget that it takes $0.00 to be kind and empathetic to our fellow human beings.
You know, in my country I couldn't get proper diagnosis. I was diagnosed with "hyperdinamia" instead of ADHD as a child, and there is no diagnosis for adults I didn't get the help I need, and I can't have it now. I cried bitter tears while I was watching. Every day is a big foul mess, in which I have to police myself on so much to not forget that important bill, invitation, task or document, not misplace things, then forget and misplace and freak out and burn out and just try as I might and hear: "You need to stop being lazy and irresponsible!" or other "helpful criticism" from people who are not willing to help one bit, or as someone put clearly to me "get so involved in your problems". So hearing the there is people who want to involve themselves, even if I can't use your direct help, makes my day. Thank you.
Dear Mack, you and all the other free cleaners are helping wounds to heal and you spread hope to so many people. Your words about empathy really touched me. ❤
I just have to say I really enjoy listening to a good rant, especially when it's something we all think about but never get to proclaim publicly. By all means call out the bad behavior.
Mack, i'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but you are such an amazing, wonderful human being. Thank you for speaking out for all the neuro divergent people out there and for speaking with such reason and eloquence! also, thank you for being a great friend to Bonnie and Barbie and others that need your support. You all are amazing and i love you all! i hope you'll continue to feel better and stronger each day.
Great video! It's very educational. My cleaning lady is actually a blamer. She is angry because of everything she's gone through. Abusive drug addicted parents, extremely broken home life, people in and out of their house that she didn't even know, her dad even tried to sell her for drugs one time, she often had to flee to the woods to avoid violence or other insane things that her parents might try to do to her, her boyfriends were also abusive, and she had to raise four kids by herself.
I totally understand why she has such a burning anger inside of her. It's what fuels her, helped her survive all that traumatic stuff that she been put through. It's cathartic to look at oneself and be able to feel superior after all that traumatic abuse.
You said it all Mack - BE KIND, BE EMPATHETIC, & HELP SOMEBODY!!!!! ❤❤❤
As a fellow Autistic, more people really need to be talked to like this. Blunt and honest. I feel like a lot of youtubers and creators in general are worried about being seen as "not accepting critisim" that they don't tell people bluntly that most of the time, it's not critisim, they are just being mean.
Hi Drop-kick!! I've recently started a cleanup for an elderly friend. I will not be taking any money. The roof had a large leak (being addressed) causing massive mold and severe ceiling, wall, and floor damage. Her water heater is broken (being replaced). Pipes and toilet repairs. The neighbor is attacking me verbally and wants me to not help. It makes me suspicious about her need for control. She has entered the house and thrown things away without permission. I am making great progress, and my friend trusts me to do this with respect. I feel good helping by doing something she is unable to do. She's so happy to have things addressed and I don't judge her. I wanted to tell you because your videos are inspirational and help me go forward...it's hard work. ❤Thank you!!
Dude you seriously have a heart of gold, thank you for what you do. It’s people like you that help me get through what I’m going through right now and it’s people like you that make life just a bit nicer. Thank you
I have had a stroke 2 years ago, I’m struggling to get by because I had to change jobs and just had a huge car accident (my daughter and I are okay and it wasn’t my fault). I have had FMS for 23 years and in a big flare, but still push through each day. Some people have Charmed lives, but I do not. So if you run into someone having a bad day, just do something nice for them. Put their groceries in the car for them, give a $20 to a parent struggling with kids all over them, trying to keep it together, tell a person they look fabulous today. Do 3 nice things a day and you will be a better person for it. Even with my sad as$ life I help rescue baby birds and other animals, help out at my local animal shelter and am my daughter’s Girl Scout leader, which takes a lot out of me, but they are my BLISS. We all need to do better in life, so start today! 💜💜💜
On behalf of all the free cleaners: thank you for bringing this up! It's so unfortunate that those people put in real effort to write stupid comments, only to have them removed the second after they post it. The message was loud and clear. Hopefully they will think twice now. 💪🙏🏻📢❗
❤️❤️🫎
"...in its original Turkish." Less than 10 seconds in, and this video has me dying 😂
My word exactly. I said it out loud then ran to the comment section to find out who else caught it.
I'm crying. You have hit and voiced so much that I have dealt with myself that others in my life don't understand. Thank you for your work.
I always tell people who complain about something that if they are going to complain, then they are going to be the first ones that are going to volunteer to do something about it, or they’re going to not say anything at all. That usually shuts down the complaining pretty fast!
I don't think I've commented on your channel before, but I appreciate this so much. I have a neurodivergent spouse and child. I NEVER call my boys lazy. They are hard-working and brilliant, and they just happen to have time-blindness, difficulty prioritizing tasks, and hyper-focus they can't always break out of without help. I do call myself lazy sometimes when low energy or anxiety makes me avoid a task. "Lazy" is just the perfectionist voice of negativity in my head, and I need to stop. So thank you for the reminder.
Hi
I'm a professional house cleaner, I clean residential homes on weekly, bi-weekly and monthly basis. I love your channel. Sometimes, I play these videos as background noise while I'm cleaning. I love my work, I love to clean, I love to help others that want help. Keep up the great work, you are an inspiration ❤
I have ADHD and autism. Generally cleaning and tidying feels overwhelming and stressful for me, but when I see you cleaning a house it makes it feel like it's possible for me to do the same. It keeps me stay focused and on task, like having a mental anchor. It helps my brain understand that if I take action, things will get better.
As someone who has ADHD, I never understood why I never saw a mess but my parents saw a mess, but after finding this channel you have helped me understand why and opened my mind.
When you said “I used to be an angry guy and my life was miserable. But man, once I learned empathy, the world changed!” That was me up until like 7 years ago and it's true it will change your life completely. The level of empathy that you show is exactly why I watch this channel and became a member. Since day 1 of finding your channel I have nothing but respect for you and what you do. Thank you for continually reminding me to be a better person and reminding me to share what I learn here (I met up with a friend today for lunch and was talking about this channel to her).
Thanks for making this. When I was cleaning, cooking, or if I asked for help with my homework as a child, my stepmom would hover over me telling me I didn't try hard enough and that I was never going to amount to anything. This was pretty much daily from the age of 7. I literally could not talk about my dreams without being devalued and mocked. So I hid. I hid as much as I possibly could. When I first moved out on my own I would clean obsessively, devaluing myself the entire time, with muscle tension that could suspend the Golden Gate bridge.
Today I have to talk myself down when I clean. I used to think I "had anxiety", but I now understand it's trauma.
MMC videos are like a mentoring experience for me now. I learn helpful tips and products that have changed my entire worldview on how easy and awesome cleaning products can be.
When I was about 19 years old my mentor told me "I think you will always struggle with being lazy." This set me on a self-destructive path of overworking myself that eventually led to a permanent injury and complete burnout. It was only after the fact, looking back, that I realized that I had always worked hard - sometimes working two jobs and 7 days a week - but I also struggled with depression from past trauma that I never talked about. Please be careful what you tell people when you don't know the whole picture.