How to Declutter for Someone Who Has ADHD
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- čas přidán 18. 04. 2024
- #autistic
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Dude's a better psychologist than most psychologists.
If only he'd come to my ADHD clusterfuk and consolidate things into clear bins. I start to panic when MMC starts putting stuff in non-see-through bins. I definitely have ADHD and need to be able to see everything
He is SO GOOD on ADHD! Way better than most psychologists. And not putting up with mooses.
Yesss!! He’s so on point!!
He’s so intelligent, intuitive and compassionate. 💯🎯
Just shew that Moose off the counter top 😂
Honestly, hearing someone talk so respectfully about ADHD mess makes me genuinely emotional. I'm not used to seeing people like me being treated so kindly. It's either judgement or pity. Never just "here's how things are and how we're working with it".
Great point. Thanks for putting it so succinctly!
❤
Yes this!
The worst thing is when people say you're not organised!
It's easier for them because they're neither friends nor family.
I started crying after you acknowledged that for people with ADHD even receiving help with things like cleaning or organizing can feel like the people in your life belittling you or looking at you as bad because you can’t take care of it yourself. This is my daily reality, I wake up everyday wanting to clean my house and have everything organized, but feeling like it’s useless because it’s just going to become a mess again. Then the paralysis starts and it feels like you’re suffocating just looking at it all and it’s going to swallow you whole… it’s getting better, learning to take care of what’s right in front of me instead of everything that needs to be done, but sometimes that doesn’t make me feel like any less of a failure for not getting it all done.
Thanks for the video, it’s inspiring.
So well said
This is me right now, I'm hoping to be able to crawl out of the cycle soon but idk if i can
Same! I feel like my bf hates me half the time because he doesn’t understand. He interprets it as laziness or carelessness, despite me trying to articulate the frustration and shame that I am plagued by as a result of wanting to do better but always seeming to fall short. The paralysis is real btw, you’re not alone!
I feel THIS so deeply🫂🫂🫂🫂
I miss seeing family so much but I get paralyzed thinking about how they criticize me about my home...
I don't always have time to go see them and I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove to them I can clean by cleaning there only a little messy house and pray that I can find ways to find that kind of energy when I get home....
Honestly it's just my space it too small or my kids won't leave it alone so it goes into hiding it cause I don't want to throw it away... Having a house full of ADHD or autism and combined is so hard when everyone has different needs to feel validated and able to function... Needing a body double but every one else is in ADHD paralysis or them needing you itis so hard to find balance... We will get a good routine going then 1 thing will throw it off for months...
I was going to comment but your comment said it so perfectly! I love reading these, it’s like FINALLY, someone gets it!! 🎉🎉🎉
whoever started the idea that autistic people don't have a sense of humor clearly doesn't understand dry humor. this was by far one of the funniest videos i've watched in a while.
This ☝️☝️☝️
I find it very odd that people think that anyhow, but i guess it comes from an early experience. As a kid i had some trouble understanding jokes, especially sarcasm, but not anymore.
is that a thing? the funniest people I know are on the spectrum
It lightened the mood of the video, really liked it. I'm hoping this motivates me and my ADD brain. Or shames me into decluttering. One or the other will do!
That moose took me out!
God, seeing "rage" acknowledged as a common symptom of ADHD is so validating, thank you. People talk about ADHD like it's just "easily distracted and hyper" when it so often looks like "emotional rollercoaster with your seatbelt stuck on."
EDIT: Thank you to all the replies attempting to educate, even though some people online are always gonna think they know better than the OP's (in this case me) knowledge of their own medical history, therapy history, psychiatric assessments, and the wealth of literature on ADHD as a spectrum disorder that manifests differently for different people.
That is a perfect way to describe it.
"emotional rollercoaster with your seatbelt stuck on" is such a good way to describe it thank you!!
@@amandaraycroft5740 Are you sure you don’t mean PTSD? And no offense, but if we could heal ourselves with self-care alone, none of us would have these conditions. Sure, we have to put in the effort to make progress, but everyone’s situation is different, and we need support from others as well. I think I get what you’re trying to say, and I feel like you mean well. It’s just not as simple as that, that’s all.
@@mrandisg It is actually that simple, no one is going to heal you, so you have to do it yourself, sure some things are going to be harder but some things for some people are going to be harder to heal. If you don't try, it's not going to happen.
God seeing rage is not common of adhd itself but maybe a biproduct or from trauma or your own temperament from the environment you were raised in.
OMG! ADHD moment. When my son was in highschool, his room was a disaster area. I challenged him and said to him that I bet he didn't even know where {a thing, I think it was a moose} was. He was lying on his bed, and without even breaking eye contact with me calmly reached under his bed, grabbed the thing and handed it to me. I never complained about his room again 😅😂🤣. He's awesome by the way. ❤
I did that to my mom when I was a kid. Organized chaos is the name of the game. Good on you for not reacting badly to the kiddo proving you wrong. Lots of people would take that poorly
Yep they end up as the absent minded professor who has piles of papers stacked on every flat surface in their living quarters but they know what pile some paper from 20 years ago is in.
This means he had order in his chaos.
My daughter asked me to help find her brush. The first place I told her to look, she found it... and I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE!! She did.
❤😊
Neurodivergent folks helping out other neurodivergent folks. Just like we always have. Love it.
I don't know how or why the algorithm brought this in front of me, but I nearly cried when I watched this. I have had such well intentioned close friends want to clean my space (part bedroom, part racing drone building shop, part sim racing rig, part movie theater) and have to wait till I left town so I wouldn't fight them every step of the way. I would always lose my shit when I came back to an otherwise immaculate space. I would go to a really dark place, go through all the negative emotions, end up feeling like my life wasn't worth anything. Much to the confusion and frustration by the person wonderful enough to spend so much time and energy to do take on something so impressive in scope. They are a also on the spectrum and have severe OCD, so they can't help themselves and have to organize and they watch my cat when I leave town for work. This has led to countless fights that I felt like a complete A**hole for initiating, even at the time, being aware of this gift they were trying to give.
You explained so much to me in the 1st minute of this video than any therapist or councilor has in decades. Thank you. Subbed and belled. Gonna go put your vids on an extra screen just to give them all the interaction. Might even watch, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Can no thank you enough!
You said it for me
Honestly, show this to them. Even just the first part of the video is enough to explain some things you have been trying to get out vocally. Sometimes people don't listen to just one person, but they'll listen if multiple people say it Edit: It might not change their behavior, but it might explain the why to your behavior and reactions. It might at least increase consideration of you
@@chrispasson1940 me too!
I'm 44, a mental health therapist, AND I have both ADHD and bipolar disorder. I have been shamed my whole life for the semi-organized chaos that I live in. The way that you approached this with such wonderful empathy and humor was, no lie, healing for me. I regret that I have only one account to subscribe with. You are truly a special person. Thank you!
Same with me, except I'm not a therapist. This video brought me to tears.
A bipolar mental health therapist. Does your Patients even know?
ADd, bipolar, depression, anxiety, PTSD. Now I'm getting Alzheimer's. I'll be praying for you all.
"a mental health therapist, AND I have both ADHD and bipolar disorder."
I wonder if there's such a thing as a therapist without dysfunctions. My mother was a therapist but also needed, or could have used, a DSM version of her very own.
🫶
The out of sight out of mind thing is absolutely spot on.
- Adult with ADHD
Here too!
Me too!!
For me, (63 year old woman with ADHD) what's visible to others, is still out of mind for me. I have a super-power of overlooking the clutter I'm surrounded by.
@@ShellBAtoms completely agree we have a super power. It’s almost bitter sweet.
I sometimes forget about my laundry room and sometimes even my basement. It's like discovering Narnia and then the voice in my head says, "it's just your laundry room stupid!"
Thank you so much for understanding the “out of site, out of mind” and the panic and rage taking things out of our disorganized order can generate. And also for doubling down on the fact that the house doesn’t need a deep cleaning, because, yes, being messy and disorganized doesn’t mean unhygienic
My wife has autism and I have ADHD. I’m not joking when I say I cried watching this video. Feeling seen and validated in the difficulties of having an organized house.
This should be required viewing by all psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, and parents, oh, and other cleaners of course!
and social workers
100% AGREE!
And people who live with you who want and do take over and move your stuff and throw things out, etc. Who put you in a place you can't do anything except pile it up more in a shed or where you can't get to it and you can't find anything. So frustrating.
...and send it to family members.. if you DON'T 'get it', stay away because bullying only gets our claws out.
@@gingercameronfordcrouch7057 my exhusband was/is a narcissist and he would take over a whole space and throw anything away he didn’t think needed to be there. And I’m not talking about his own things.
He’d do it when you were not there so you’d come back, things are all moved and different, your personal things gone through, and your stuff in the trash, some things never seen again.
Sometimes he’d not do a whole room he’d just secretly throw away one or two things so you’d not notice until much later and the trash was already taken to the dump along with your childhood sentimental thingamajig that can never be replaced.
He thinks he’s a great guy! 🤪 the best. A total winner and everyone should be like him and you’re a crazy mental invalid and need punishment if you are not. Of course, there’s a political group he’s a life long member of…
I feel so sad for our children he’s in possession of. He put the 10 year old in what she called a “mental institution” for a week because she believed psalm 91.
Cruelty is one of his defining features. 💯
“Candy wrapper, broken box, your mom…”
I almost spit my coffee out
Also, the cabinet with wolves snapping, ready for home defense. Lol
The moose is the one that got me, lol
GenX in the house
Dawg, I almost teared up watching this. As a guy with ADHD/autism, who actually went through years of hoarding, the way you spoke about the whole subject was the most validating thing I've come across in so fuckin long. I have never seen such genuine understanding and compassion in a cleaning/decluttering video. More often than not, the people being helped are made to be seen as disgusting or lazy. Seeing some actually treat us as human beings and not just obstacles in completeing a job is immensely validating.
Wow! I'm the ADHD clutter person. My husband tries to intervene, but I can never find anything. He totally reorganized my kitchen and closet! It actually sent me into a deep depression. I can't function when he helps...but I need help. I'm making him watch this
I react the same way. Depression-because the rage is being turned inward.
"If your friend comes over with depression, you wouldnt yell at them for being depressed. And, if you do, they're the one that needs to find a new friend, not you."
Beautiful!! Love how stern that line was delivered.
When did you meet my boss?
Literally had me tearing up
I like to call it 'organised chaos'. :) (oops, I put this in the wrong spot)
So strange; I read this comment at the precise moment he said it. It felt like he was narrating your comment 😮
I've actually experienced this. I think that the line was actually something like "Have you tried not being depressed?"
The thing is, the comment was well intended, and the person is a good friend. But when their mind doesn't work like ours, they literally can't understand what it's like for us. They just can't. She wanted me to be happy, because she wanted the best for me, but she just didn't know how to help.
Sometimes, we have to extend a little grace, too. Hurtful things are sometimes done and said, but with good intentions. A little bit of grace toward each other can be a wonderful thing.
1:07 I respect you.
It is not laziness
It is not immaturity
We are only going throw away real garbage.
Thank you for respecting them.
as someone with adhd: thank you for this!! a lot of people don't realize adhd is a disability, and the 'well get over it' attitude can't fix adhd symptoms anymore than it would fix diabetes symptoms or allow someone in a wheelchair to magically walk. just because it would be easy for a neurotypical person to keep things tidy, doesn't mean it would be easy for an adhd person. the chemicals in our brains literally don't work the same! i sometimes explain it to people with gasoline: you might be a big diesel truck, and when you want to gear up and go somewhere you just put in your diesel and you're good to go! but if i don't have a diesel engine, no amount of the diesel that works for you is going to get me where i need to go. in fact putting diesel in my engine would clog it and make it impossible to run! thank you so much for understanding this and presenting it to your audience. i think it really helps to spread compassion thru understanding. also the organized chaos is true!!! we often have visual/muscle memory, so when we're trying to remember where we put something we're almost retracing our steps like CSI haha. as a kid i always lost stuff when my mother force-"organized" my backpack because she didn't like how it looked (it was functioning fine!!).
Love that diesel truck analogy- stealing that! Spot-on. 👍
I often use epilepsy as my comparative, too.
THANK YOU for mentioning that ADHD folks like myself have trouble with a form of object permanence.
If I don't see a thing I had and nobody can tell me where it's gone, my immediate assumption is that it was tossed out, and I start freaking tf out bc "wth dude that was mine why'd you throw it away :("
Especially since growing up, my siblings and I had trouble keeping our room clean. So one of the means my parents frequently used on us was literally just throwing away everything left on the floor. If it was on the floor, it was trash to them, be it a Christmas gift, or candy wrapper!
That definitely left me with ✨️Issues✨️ when it comes to other people having access to my stuff, but that's just kinda what having ADHD was like during a time when it wasn't super well-understood.
And by "a time when it wasn't well understood" I mean like, around 20 years ago.
Seriously, it is SO IMPORTANT to respect people and their belongings, and you're awesome for that!!
To be clear and dispel misinformation before you continue spreading it, this is not object permanence. That is a milestone that is experienced by infants. We aren't infants, we know that objects exist even if we don't see them. Forgetting about objects, and the thought objects don't exist are two different things.
What we with ADHD have is something called object constancy, and that is a term you can Google.
Unfortunately the misinformation of 'object permanence' is becoming more and more mainstream and it seems people are just going to use it incorrectly until a new buzz word has been created.
As the video states, 'out of sight out of mind' that has to be the most astute quote ever used to describe a person with ADHD. And it's the entire basis of object constancy. We are still attached to the object, we know it exists, we occasionally forget about it if we aren't able to view it, even peripherally.
We still love our friends even if we don't talk to them every day and forget their birthdays.
100% agreed!! This video just changed my life and view of my ADHD self!
For the first time in my life I feel like someone understands me.
Thank you for respect and understanding, for seeing us as human and validating our feelings
Few days ago my friend tried to help me with decluttering before moving to the smaller place. We supported each other through really hard times and I know she had good intentions and loves me dearly. That day her anancastic personality met my autism + ADHD + depression combo. I locked myself in the bedroom to avoid saying things, she left my home in tears. We talked but she is still hurt while I spend time in bed and getting up only to care for cats and go to bathroom
There’s so much validation!
As a person who has ADHD the "items become decorations" is huge for me! I've actually gotten into the habit of finding decorative bottles and trays to put my day to day things in so that it's still visually attractive (for example my spices and teas all have to be out but I'm working on making them look like apothecary bottles)
I have started this too. I had a lot of stuff in cardboard boxes, laundry baskets etc. And told myself if I have more decorative boxes to put stuff in it wouldnt' look so bad.
I have been doing that since b4 I even knew what ADHD was! (Well b4 diagnosis)Too much stuff and not enough space, that box of random stuff will make an excellent end table! Just cover it with a pretty peirce of cloth from the cloth pile (wash it 1st) then put a lamp and or fake flowers on it. When I had my own little place, all the little end tables were actually boxes of stuff 😂
Me too. I put a whole load of crap/dumping stuff into beautiful pottery bowls or baskets with high edges. Or I buy baskets that are all the same/monochromatic so they have unity and disappear into background so there’s less visual clutter (and it makes my pretty junk bowls stand out more and look special)…. Or…. I chuck everything into boxes and bags and throw them into my spare bedroom/AKA junk room (especially when someone says they’re popping by!!) 😂
Very cool!!
I lack counter space for almost anything and love your idea!
It's so refreshing to hear a man acknowledge the importance of 'making it pretty'!
Your understanding of how distressing moving someone with adhd’s stuff can be is so refreshing. When I was younger before I was diagnosed, my parents would often clean my room when I wasn’t there bc it was always a disaster, but I would come home and cry at the sight bc no longer knowing where anything is was so overwhelming and upsetting. (Thankfully they’re super understanding now). I just want to thank you for your understanding and compassion
Coming from a kid who didn't know she had ADHD and had to grow up through the names of being "lazy," "messy,” a "hoarder," thank you for doing this. It's very justifying and makes me feel like a human, and seen!! Thank you thank you thank you
This. I just had a cleaning company refer to me as hoardery with mental health issues. Which I do have mental health issues but it's the ADHD that's causing me the biggest issues and my limited mobility. Got a new cleaner starting on the weekend.
@@witchysam4273 Good luck with the new ones.
I'm 63, and feel the same way. My house and car are always cluttered. I don't see the clutter. It doesn't bother me - until I have to give someone a ride, or have someone over to my house. Shame is the only motivator for me.
I do think it is fair to say that a lot of people with ADHD also struggle with hoarding. I finally admitted to myself that I struggle with hoarding a few years ago and admitting it can help a lot with noticing (and stopping) the thoughts that lead to over accumulating and the struggle to let yourself part with items.
I relate completely to what you just said
I really appreciate that you don't just see the clutter, but the humans behind it. Respecting people the way they are is something we need a lot more of in this world. Thanks for spreading the word, man!
My desk at work... same thing 😂
that is my absolute favorite part when I am invited to help other people with their clutter. To figure out the person and what they really want, and sometimes helping them through the part where they want stuff that they don't need, and if they don't get rid of it they might be evicted. To really help them drill down and figure out their highest values and try to help them get there. And that's how I walk myself through the process when I'm decluttering at home.
it doesn't necessarily happen all at once, this epiphany of self understanding. And it doesn't necessarily all happen in one event of understanding. It's just good to do what you CAN do in the moment to understand how to help yourself better.
Thanks for the explanation to help us. Adhders. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I must have oicked up lots on my own. I always organized. Haha well i a learning!!! Thanks for you guys explaining!!
@@patriciashears25 I've become so much better... I had no idea why I was the way I was and didn't find out until I was 73 🥰😘👍
Did you just say throw away your mom?
I’m married to an ADHD person. Years ago I created “Brad boxes” in all the rooms. 2 in the kitchen. So when I’m cleaning I can throw his stuff in the Brad Boxes. It didn’t take long for him to learn to look in those boxes first for any stuff he needs. Saves me time and saves me from constantly telling him where stuff is.
Then if company comes by I can move the boxes into an unused room.
I’m not formally diagnosed and I suspect I’m just stupid but this video gives me a lot of comfort either way.
You're not stupid!! I don't think stupid people would even suspect that they were...
You’re not stupid! For whatever reason you live with a challenge. Clutter is a symptom of childhood trauma like bullying!
I live in an ADHD household, and I also keep my ninja weapons on the counter, my brother tried to put the moose on the counter today and I had to explain to him that the moose will become too confident and attempt to overthrow the household. It’s just too risky
You have to watch out for the moose on the counter…..just saying😮
I'm so glad you explained that to him! You really prevented a very bad situation.
@@babydahl9424 😂😂
😂😂😂
I heard that loud and clear ☺
I settled down with my coffee to enjoy this, but the minute Jason started washing sink stuff, I remembered I’d left a herd of moose soaking in the sink. No self respecting woman can leave soapy meese in the sink while someone else is scrubbing, so I had to pause the video long enough to get the moose herd scrubbed & drying on the rack. 😂 Now I can enjoy my coffee & the rare sight of men cleaning a kitchen ❤
OMG THE LAST SENTENCE
@@juancena1259right?!? 😂😂😂
Hope you have canned Moose face in the cupboard😂
State of equilibrium reached ❤
Too funny.
Mannnn, I almost cried. I never realized how bad I was nor how to remedy it. You picked off two birbs with one rock, and thanks for not throwing out my mom. I'm bout to buy a shirt. Thank you for taking the time to make and record and edit this.
Thank you! ❤️❤️🫎
I’m autistic and moving into an apt with two friends with ADHD, and have been trying to rack my brain on how to do this exact thing to get everything sorted, neat, and tidy. The cacophony of clutter makes it very difficult to upkeep the place. Thank you so much for showing your methods and your kindness for neurodivergent people! Your videos help so much
As someone with ADHD I had a strong visceral reaction when you said you couldn’t move plates from one cupboard to another. I yelled “oh hell no!!!” I would go ballistic if someone switched up my organization! Your level of understanding is appreciated and you’re not even cleaning my house 🤣🤣🤣
My MIL use to get into my drawers and cabinets and move my stuff around to where SHE thought it should be. It was SO INVASIVE. She would also cover everything up and put everything away constantly. And I do mean EVERYTHING. She wouldn't even let me leave the baby's high chair at the table, she would always put it in the closet. It was such an inconvenience to drag it out and set it up each time we ate. I could never find anything because of that woman. Everything took longer to do because of how she packed EVERYTHING up EACH TIME we used it.
Several times I asked her to please not re-organize for me. To please leave things out where I put them. I asked her son (my ex) to please talk to her and ask her to stop it, and he said he would, but but he never did. One day I got out of the shower and couldn't find a towel and I F***ing SNAPPED! I screamed and cursed "WHERE TF ARE THE F'ing TOWELS?! SOMEBODY BRING ME A GD TOWEL!!!" She was shocked. Everyone was shocked. Idk why they were shocked, since I had basically BEGGED them both so many times to please not re-arrange my things. And this was my own personal items in my own damn bathroom, ffs!
I told them either I had to move or she did, because I literally can NOT function with her constantly hiding my things from me in the name of "helping."
He didn't understand why I was making such a big fuss about it. He is now my ex. Good riddance.
@@themaggattack That’s awful!!! Some people have no concept of respecting other people’s boundaries. You don’t have to understand why it’s a big deal in order to respect it. I was at my sister’s house with my Mom a couple of months ago and had to act as referee between the two of them. My Mom thinks she has the best ideas about how something should be done or how it should be organized and my sister freaks out every time my Mom interferes. My Mom just can’t accept that she can make suggestions but can’t dictate how my sister does things.
@@melindahajdin 🤣🤣🤣
I thought about explaining all the nuances but then I realized that if you actually listened to what Mac said and read what I wrote and came up with “entitled” and “attack” then you’re not going to understand even if I explain it to you.
@@HealingWarrior-ic6os "You don't have to understand why it's a big deal in order to respect it." This hits the nail on the head! If only more people (ahem neurotypicals ahem) understood this concept...
@@mrandisg some people would prefer to be judgemental and feel superior instead of putting in the effort to try to understand
I just wanted to tell you that after only two minutes into the video, I was already getting emotional. I have the worst ADHD and I am also a type A personality. I'm a perfectionist but because it takes caffeine for me to be productive and I don't drink it often because it affects my heart, I live with a messy house. I hate it and avoid it and am ashamed of it. It's weird, because I'm actually amazing at organizing and love to do it for other people and on my jobs. I just get overwhelmed and distracted in my own house. You really would think that I'm a hoarder but I'm not. Your approach and sensitivity to this destructive and very disruptive disability is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this video so other people can understand! ❤ I actually clicked on your video because I'm getting ready to clean my house and was procrastinating as long as possible before having to do it. You've really touched my heart because I don't hate myself as much knowing that other people struggle with these same issues! God bless you and God bless your business!❤
I also like to organize but get overwhelmed when it's my house. If you haven't tried it already, the two best strategies I've found are to watch cleaning videos while I work and to do very small, focused tasks - things like find all the hairpins on my nightstand and put them in their box, then take a break. You're definitely not alone!
I also have helped friends and family sort and clean but struggled at my house. It’s taken me many years but I now just have what’s loved or used in my house. Everything has a place. I make sure I touch things once. I don’t move stuff and think I’ll sort it later anymore. When I had an abundance of stuff I could never do that as there was never a place. I’d have to shift things to put stuff away. It was a very difficult process for me and the anxiety was real. But the end result is worth it. Good luck on your journey.😊
You might want to check out the Clutterbug channel - Cas has theories about why people struggle with organizing based on their "clutterbug type." I'm a "Bee" which means I need to be able to see my stuff, but have it very orderly. If it's put away behind closed doors or in containers that aren't clear it freaks me out, so things ended up being left out and that drove me nuts too. Now I'm working on getting things organized in a visual way that's still tidy and works better for me. Her way of thinking is really validating and might be helpful to you, too.
My 76YO Mom suffers from clutter, probably undiagnosed AuDHD. I can see some things starting to happen in my house, I probably am AuDHD, as well. She landed in the hospital from a fall in her house three months ago, and has been in a specialized nursing wing for six weeks. During the last six weeks, I cleaned out 70% of her house with help from friends, with tips from MMC.
Her home is in disrepair from negligence to maintenance. The house is unsafe, and she can’t live alone quite yet, so she is coming to my house for Home Health. And we will decide in a month if she will go to an Assisted Living place or will spend her money to repair her home and live there. I scheduled a Junk company to help me with her Garage next week.
I am proud of you for doing the hard work yourself. I’m an only child, but I have neglected the time with my four children while cleaning out my moms house over the last six weeks. We filled an entire 20’ dumpster.
Mom hates that she got too old to do it herself, and hates that I had to neglect my own children to take care of her.
Small bites, and it will look terrible before the house looks better, but after three weeks, you should be able to breathe and see a finish line.
@@emilyr2836 Thanks for the tips! I’ve found that I have to listen to or watch something or I’ll get side-tracked. zit’s strange how opposite our brains are from others, isn’t it? I can do so many things at once, though and also notice things people never notice. I think God gives us the other abilities to make up for the deficits. I also have an eidetic memory (photographic), and that is a tremendous help because I have dyslexia, dyscalculia and an auditory processing disorder. It’s difficult to start new tasks because of this if I don’t have caffeine. All tips and tricks are much appreciated! 🙏🥰
another thing to consider for people wanting to help someone with adhd tidy up: there's a really good chance we've been beating ourselves up about the mess from day 1. every time we see it we're taking psychic damage because it's a physical reminder of what we can't do that we feel like we should be able to do. telling an adhd person "just [thing someone without adhd would do]" or telling us we 'need to do better' etc. is really hurtful and damaging. not only will it not help us be tidier (if it did help, we would have done it already!), it will more often create such a negative experience that next time we *won't* ask for help and we'll just let things get unbearable. thank you so much for being understanding and educating your viewers!!
This nearly brought me to tears as an ADHD person whose career is psychology. Everything in this video hits home. I have had others try cleaning areas of my house and I still can't find things they cleared away for me.
One of the organizing challenges for ADHD can be related to short term memory issues. We can't easily remember what was placed somewhere different and the out of sight out of mind is SO accurate.
Maybe this video can inspire me to try to organize my own clutter areas.
I wasn't expecting quality dry humor in an accurate how-to video for ADHD-friendly organization, but it was a pleasant and welcome surprise
The moose! 😂😂😂
The wolves….lol
I know. I really loved the humor. I think I need more of that type of humor in my life 😊
Not throwing away your Mom 🤣🤣🤣
SAMEE ❤
My ADHD mind was calmed by your compassionate comments.
If I could up vote this video a million times, I would! I cried watching this because I'm a woman with ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until my 30s. I tend to feel invaded when people "help" me clean because of course they want to do it in a way that would work for them and if they just organize enough, they think I'll just magically become less untidy and more motivated. Of course, this has the opposite effect. It's such a simple thing to acknowledge and respect people's needs and yet too many people just disregard that and call it laziness or worse. Thank you for doing what you do and helping people better understand what "helping" really means. 😊
My partner is adhd and im autistic and one of the reasons i love him so much is because hes messy and i LOVE to clean. The house is never super dirty, just once a week it gets incredibly cluttered because of how he functions. So once a week I can have a clean day, and he never had to freak out/stress over cleaning because I always know where everything is.
That is a match made in heaven 🥲
"I spend up to $3k on these cleans, i don't care, i just want that gold plaque for 1M subscribers" - refreshing attitude and honesty!!
I need help! But don’t have adhd I have ptsd.
How can I get help with my house??
@@VerysouthernMe too!!
TBI & physical (musculoskeletal issues) from being hit by a car as a pedestrian ... C-PTSD & a brain that acts like ADHD following all that.
I was so excited when I found a book called "I'm Not Lazy, Crazy nor Stupid, I just have ADHD!!" & shared it with my brain injury consultant & she said "No. There's no way you could've achieved all you did before your brain injury if you had ADHD. So it's not "organic ADHD".
ME: Who cares if it's organic ADHD or TBI-induced ADHD?!
My brain acts like that now!!
@@Verysouthern maybe try contact the guy of this video, he says he linked all his accounts under the video, f.e. facebook
This was my house four months ago. In November I was diagnosed with adhd at 37 years old. With medication and dedication every day I have finally sorted through a lifetime of my belongings. Decluttering, organizing, finally coming to terms with who I am and not who I thought I was. There is so much shame tied up in this type of mess, that's why adhd people get so defensive. "Why can't I just keep on top of things? Why is everything so hard to manage? Why am I so lazy?" It feels insurmountable.
Thank you for this. I hope someone watching sees themselves in this and starts the process to diagnosis. You're not lazy. There's a reason you're this way and you don't have to feel shame about it. And there are ways to learn how to deal with it.
google nest and alexas will help you big time. i only allow my 22 year old with adhd 2 comforters, 1 quilt, 1 heating blanket, 2 bed sheet sets. laundry is wonderful now.
How do you go about getting diagnosed? My daughter was diagnosed at age 5. But, I’m 50 & this video is exactly how my house looks, as well as he describes how I think perfectly. I just feel so overwhelmed.
Coming to terms with who I am and who I'm not. Wow! Thank you for the help. I think I need to realize that I am NOT a crafter. I've been holding onto supplies for years and I don't think I have ever once actually used any of it. Thank you!!
I am fascinated by how a deeply ketogenic diet, and for some people a complete carnivore diet, is repairing depression, anxiety, and now I'm hearing that it is helping with dementia, autism and ADHD.
I know that my brain works better if I stay far away from carbs, and my body doesn't hurt as much either. You might check out Dr. Anthony Chaffee MD, Dr. Ken Berry MD, Kelly Hogan, numeral five minute body, steak and butter gal, carnivore women and other CZcams channels for inspiration and information. They're even treating cancer successfully with a combination of a deeply ketogenic diet, intermittent fasting and a low toxicity med (and over the counter options are available for that third item as well).
Our mental issues are not our destiny, necessarily. And changing your diet this way will not stop you from being someone who is probably full of great ideas! It just might give you a better chance of executing them.
@@AshleyEllwood- I love that! That was one of my first realizations, but I'm not a crafter (although by necessity I do sew). my other crafting supplies went out the door! It doesn't mean I never do things like that. When I had old candles I gave a lot of them away and then some of them were for a "Craft" I did with my daughter because she makes candles. She made some candles and I made some tea light candles because I have tea light holders. We had a fun day and we might do it again someday. But I'm not a crafter. i'm coming to the terms that I am more of an armchair gardener than a real one, especially as I age. So I will be purging some gardening things after I purge/organize our tech stuff, connectors, surge protectors, charging cords, etc.
Organization for ADHD “point of use” will be the winner catch phrase. Coffee pot- filters, coffee scoops cups and flavor syrups need to be around where the coffee pot is. I like raised shelves for the kitchen and bathroom so things can go over or under the central focal item or use for said items. It’s typical how you organize but it’s still in sight for neurodivergent brains 👍
I really appreciate this, I've been subject to roommates cleaning my home without permission and disappearing my things and I had to search through boxes to find things, or have to figure out their means of organization to find 'organized' things. To see you respect their ADHD like this made me feel seen.
I really appreciate how that moose kept coming around. I hope it finds happiness in the sunset in a place it belongs.
I have ADHD, and my dad used to get the cleaner to clean my room if I didn't clean it fast enough. I would beg them to stop but he'd say that she's doing it against his will, and she'd say that he told her to. My mom tried to help me in her house, but it was hard because of my ADHD and my dad's terrible parenting. In the end, I only managed to start improving when I left. I started learning to tidy in my own time and way, and I would ask friends to help me if it got too out of hand. All my college friends were very supportive, thankfully, and one of them had OCPD tendencies.
Thank you for being so caring towards those of us with ADHD. It means a lot, as so most people tend to just bulldoze over any actual attempt at making progress.
Yor dad was probably the one that had adhd as a kid as well. Adhd is not something that just pops up in a family from nowhere. He probably just got overstimulated by the mess and couldn’t handle it. My home isn’t like this in the video. I have adhd. My mom at one point in my childhood took everything out of my room but my bed and the bedding. She had adhd as a child as well.
@@christinaedwards7159 he likely does, but his need for my room to be tidy didn't stem from that. He has an obsession with his image. He wanted my room to be tidy so that any visitors who might stumble upon it while visiting won't think lesser of him.
He had no boundaries, either. He let a stranger he was fucking walk through my room to use my toilet while I wasn't in the house despite being alone in a home with 3 other toilets. Never told me. I had to find out by finding a stranger's phone in my room.
He has a shattered sense of security and identity that comes from a multitude of problems in his upbringing, including having been VERY poor but also very spoiled (along with some trauma he suppresses) and it has led to an addiction in relation to image maintainance.
That's why my room had to be perfect even if that meant chucking all my stuff into a container and shoving it in a hidden corner, and why he tried every punishment he could think of to try and get me to behave the way he wanted me to when I failed to meet his academic standards. It's also why he shuts down when you disagree with him on anything and then tries to change the topic.
In fact, he has built such a perfect image of himself to anybody not too close to him that I once heard a student of his compare him to a god. The student even looked genuinely shocked when I laughed at his statement. He couldn't believe that I wouldn't see my dad in that way. But of course I don't... all I see is a broken man trying to do everything he can to hold together his fragile ego in an attempt to avoid facing any real development, only to traumatise me, his only child, in the process.
So yea, he may have ADHD, but that's no excuse, and it's not the full picture either
@christinaedwards7159 Definitely a victim of the "only the bed and dresser" punishment. Oddly enough i had the cleanest room of all the kids growing up and they acknowledged that often, but I was easily distracted in school. I still had fantastic grades 😂 who knows what i got beat daily for. "Not listening" I guess, whatever that means. I had my ears violently cleaned as a punishment once it was awful. Sucks to be a neuro kid lol
@@rachellestringer my grandmother told my mom that the effort she put into getting me to do my homework was more than she put into all four of her children to do their homework 😆. I was the dreamer, space out, hyper wild child that would do anything no matter what. Had two black eyes at four. Totally my fault… no one else’s. Clutz, and stubborn, ran into bat being swung, and ran into doorway.😱🤷♀️. My mom said I had to wait to go to store. Knocked out and seizure @15.. bike accident going to school. Knocked out by car hitting me going home from school @15. 1st one hospitalized, 2nd got up and left.
God bless you for your heart and insight! It was healing and therapeutic for me!
As someone with ADD i appreciate how you acknowledge how someone like me would need things to be organized without causing them to loose their shit. The doom piles we all know are a problem but we know where everything is in these piles. It isn't hoarding, just a chaotic sense of organization. Not being able to find stuff someone has oh so helpfully put away can trigger a melt down.
When my oldest son was born, my mother-in-law arrived before we even came home from the hospital & was there for 2 weeks to "help" (insert eyeroll here). She ended up completely "reorganizing" my kitchen... I couldn't find ANYTHING! A couple of weeks after she left, my mom came out to visit & meet her first grandchild (she wanted to give us space to settle in before she came to see us). One night when I got up to nurse the baby, I saw a light on downstairs & found my mom sitting on the floor in the kitchen putting everything back where it belonged! She understood my "system" & recognized my frustration with what the MIL had done. That was the sweetest thing to me ❤. Having ADHD, I've always struggled to organize & declutter. I've made a lot of progress in recent years, but I definitely have to stay on top of things to keep it from becoming overwhelming.
i was gonna say that you have no idea how much it means to see someone who *gets* why cleaning is such a struggle for neurodivergent people and has actual strategies and tips that aren’t just “make a list” or “force yourself to do it even though it’s overwhelming”… but then you said you’re autistic, so i’m sure that you do. i’m autistic and adhd and cleaning is basically a traumatic process for me because there is so much social baggage around doing it the “right” way. i really like the idea of reframing things in terms of making items easier to access even if it doesn’t look “organized” to neurotypicals - i never feel better after cleaning because i can’t find anything and i know it’s not gonna stay like that, but i would probably feel a lot better if things were organized simply based on being able to find and to get to.
I felt everything you said. The amount of advice I get “just do it”. They don’t get it 😂
I had a nervous breakdown a couple years ago. The person who helped me the most was a kind and neurodivergent-aware declutterer like you. I needed a neurodivergent self education, a trauma therapist, a psychiatrist, substance use counseling, and peer support, and all of those have ultimately helped me rebuild my life. But I couldn't even have gotten started on that journey without that declutterer, who understood my day to day ADHD challenges, met me where I was, helped me accept how I am, and helped me function enough at home to get to and survive between all those other services. Thank you so much for educating others about this. We need SO MANY MORE OF YOU.
I was a late in life ADHD diagnosis, and I am ready to cry right now with how much I feel SEEN and understood and not judged. The piles, the clutter, the floordrobe… it’s so overwhelming. And with a spouse who is “all or nothing” with cleaning (ignores the chaos for months, and then decides to bulldoze through it and throw out anything he doesn’t think looks important), my depression/anxiety/panic over the issue just paralyzes me. I cannot thank you enough for your understanding and compassion!!
I have a family of five people with ADHD, and this helps explain soooo much to me. It actually gave me the courage to tackle one of my areas that has been a giant “to-do” list.
Your comment about "others imposing a finish line on projects as seen as an insult" was spot on. One of my biggest pet peeves ever since i was a kid is when someone is trying to teach me something And then they just do it without giving me the time to try and finish it for myself Hands-On.
Cuz they weren't actually trying to teach you with your learning in mind, their mind was focussed on THEIR intentions & objectives without considering YOUR needs.
I love how your autism awareness within yourself helps other people and your just able to be cautious of others feelings. 🤗
I'll 2nd that..🥰
I too love how he gets us.
Absolutely. Cool beans
Agree 💯 👍 🤩
1. Your autism is your specialized tool set that you not only seem to master but using it to help where it's desperately needed. You explain things in a way that's both entertaining but highly absorbable. You do magic. My person is ADHD but I have trauma associated w cleaning (cleaning=being screamed at, items are lost from parent and ex husband) so this is so helpful for me and dealing w trauma. ❤️❤️❤️
As someone with severe ADHD, I profoundly appreciate the way you respected their home. I don't usually subscribe, but I was quick to click that button. Thank you!
As an ADHD person. This isn't just how I keep my stuff; this is how I clean. I have my piles, I know where they are. I keep my important documents in a pile with unimportant stuff. But sometimes it get to be too much for me. I like having open spaces; I like having an uncluttered room. So it's great to see someone who validates me, my condition, my processes. Thank you.
Same! (:
Same, I just wish I could keep it that way.
Your empathy for adhd struggles almost made me cry. Thank you ❤
It's really refreshing and comforting to see someone who truly understands and views it as it is without any judgment.
I agree. I'm not even a quarter of the way through the video and I'm welling up at the amount of understanding this guy has for not only the struggles of ADHD, but how we are different from neurotypicals. And how that's not a bad thing. It's just different.
I did cry... that was me until I found out I had ADHD at 73 and had grown up that way... my table where I keep my paperwork, like my desk at work years ago, could not be fathomed by anyone else but me... there's now way less clutter because you showed me how to tackle it... 😘👍
Legitimately did... twice so far
I cried as well knowning this is me and how I live. I hate it so much.
I am just speechless. You have explained my ADHD symptoms so thoroughly and completely, I have never felt more seen. Thank you so much for your compassion. ADHD is so misunderstood and it pains me when I hear people that definitely do NOT have ADHD say things like "oh, my ADHD is kicking in" and then laugh and go on about their day. ADHD makes my life so much harder than it has to be and it feels lonely sometimes because most people just don't understand. Thank you for this video, I never knew that a cleaning video could make me so emotional yet here we are. 😂❤
I'm crying because I have needed this help for a family of 5 plus pets for years since I was severely injured and can't do as much as I once could. I am extremely ADHD myself. But periodically, I would get a burst of energy and out of frustration, I would organize the 3 kids rooms, label the dresser drawers, toys, books, always had trouble getting shelving supplies funded, their entire childhoods. But I would go through the house, organize every cabinet, closet, Christmas ornaments, etc. Then I would go after the nasty carpets, and hard surfaces. But, slowly we all would end up w/various excuses for it all to become cluttered again. My youngest even picked up this cleaning organization bursts. But, it's frustrating to work hard for everyone and watch them slowly disorganize things again. When I was originally injured, everyone has agreed he should have hired if but only some temporary help to keep things at least livable. But, he's a micromanager of budgeting and refused. I had spinal fusion surgery and because it wasn't healing properly, instead of having empathy for me or young children for being special needs children, he was resentful and cruel. Even though, he took a once organized garage by me and made it impassable, but is obvious to how bad it's gotten, or refuses to admit it. It's caused a great deal of emotional distress, dysfunction especially for 3 children the youngest being around 6 at the time. He was expecting them to work like adults skilled at organization. It was a very difficult time, my children were fearful about my health but instead of comforting reassurance that I would get better, he was just increasingly cruel to them. It was so severe the youngest has been in counseling for 2 yrs, all 3 on medication for depression/anxiety. I often feel like a failure as a parent. But then, I remember my health became compromised otherwise I had been doing a fairly decent attempts of organization. But I have always had ADHD also. Still, he constantly reminded me how I didn't clean etc even before the injury. That was never true. The negative impact on our innocent children is what will always haunt me. They often tell me now as adults they understand I was injured, physically unable to do the work, and couldn't necessarily rescue us, also due abuse shelters not taking in pets who for autistic children are family, and their best friends. They would beg me not to leave our pets behind they would rather stay than lose them.
While watching this I just have become so emotional because had he just had someone do even a little bit of what these Saintly people are doing, it could have avoided so much negatively impactful treatment of my children and myself. I don't know how I found this video, but I am beyond thankful for finding it... Now I know there ARE people who understand, won't judge us, just help. You can't imagine how meaningful this video is for me. I thank you all from my whole heart. ❤️
I've never seen anybody understand ADHD so well when it comes to cleaning and decluttering. You are amazing! Thank you!
Honestly the more I watch this the more it feels like it would be so helpful. Half of the time my issue with cleaning up my ADHD house is that looking at the piles is overwhelming and my brain decides that it can't handle it. But having someone come in and just organize the piles so they are a bit more orderly and logical so I can see everything and then go in after to organize it fully would be super helpful.
Try to pick one thing and one thing only, and do it on a timer. Maybe it’s picking up all the loose trash in a room. Take a break when the timer goes off and then either go back to the chore or be done, either way you made progress. Look up the Pomodoro technique, it’s been really helpful for me.
i program my 22 year old google nest with all daily cleaning/washing for reminders
Best decluttering session I ever had was getting help to clean up for a party after I put my back out.. The person I hired brought bags/boxes to me and I sorted them out and got them to put them away with similar items .... ADHD me uses up my executive function just determining what pile/location the item is to go.... Getting up and putting away to return to the next item too much distractions ....
I have tried to explain this to people supporting me when I don't have backache and they just don't get it.
..
Exactly! And I know that once I start, someone will interrupt me before I can finish and I’ll have to stop and never get back to it. So I don’t start.
The trick with the laundry he did is how I can actually fold mine as it's coming out of the dryer. I do a rough sort into pants, shirts, socks, etc. Then I sub sort the shirts into t-shirts, long sleeved, and such. Once my brain sees "oh, there's only four t-shirts" then the previously overwhelming basket of laundry is suddenly a tiny task I can take care of in about five minutes.
What really helps me with the floordrobe/clean laundry baskets is to a) keep it in the baskets until I put it away. It is NOT better on the floor lol. And b) have a “to hang” laundry basket, because hanging clothes is the worst part, and c) when I am looking for something to wear, instead of just digging through the basket until everything is unfolded and I have no idea where things are in this churning pile, I put things into either the “to hang basket” or the proper drawer, until I reach something that I want to wear. This means I have natural motivation to put things away because I want to make it easier to find something I want to wear right now. And I can stop putting things away once I find something to wear, but a lot of the time I actually will just finish the basket because it feels good to get it done, and I want to just get it done rather than have to find the motivation again. It’s actually SO helpful. And sometimes the “to hang basket never gets hung and that’s okay lol. It kind of just turns into my “nice clothes basket”.
34:23 "if you're just looking to assign blame or find fault in a situation like this you're the problem" Best line that sums it all up in a nice neat package, for those that like that kind of thing. It always amazes me how people who are so impressed with my creativity, who I know would not like this side of it the process, nevertheless create NOTHING themselves (but consume much) and judge others' production "mess".
56 year old here who was diagnosed with ADHD/ASD at 52. Although I’ve always been “clean” (clean bathroom toilets showers and sinks daily, no dirty dishes in sinks, 2 loads of laundry daily-but sitting in folded piles on the table, never put away, sweeping vacuuming dusting regularly) my living area was always disorganized, cluttered and looked “messy.”
I finally bought baskets and tubs for EVERYTHING, and stuck a label on it. Now not a single gadget or object gets set down anywhere UNLESS it’s in its proper basket
I hate folded clothes. I take them out of the dryer and hang up everything that I can except socks, underwear, and bras. My mom always dumped my dresser drawers, so now I don’t use a dresser. I hang our clothes on different color hangers and sometimes,(almost always), I have to warm up my clothes again to get the wrinkles out. 💙
YES!! OUT IN THE OPEN..I DO NOT HAVE 1 THING IN MY CLOSET OTHER THAN 2 BOXES.I use coat trees & 1 tote for socks and the like
@@blondek767We switched so that our clothes are in the same mono chromatic colors and everything can be washed together without sorting
@@blondek767 10 pieces of clothing counting all seasons of clothes
@@blondek767 I am working now on hanging out of season clothes on a rack in the basement and getting rid of storage tubs, takes up so much less space and makes it more organized for me even though I would label my storage tubs the labels would fall off, the tub would get turned around and I wouldn't find seasonal clothes till they were out of season. I still have a lot of work to do with this but just wish I'd thought of it sooner. Anna In Ohio
As someone with ADHD, you’re funny jokes like “your mom” actually helps to keep our attention. Good job!
Yep, dragged me out of the comments and back to the actual video a couple times!
I started to search for another video to watch in between scrolling the comments until I heard the cabinet of wolves then I realized I would stay entertained 😂
@@heatherdarabos7293 beware of house moose!
Crafting, planting... Ninja weapons
All equally plausible for ADHD coffee table doom pile
Funny I'm in the comments now realize that my adhd is in full swing!
Loved the Your Mom joke right a@stevecarter8810
A lot of us ADHDers are verbal processors. We also struggle a lot with shame. So what you could do to make it feel less like an invasion or insult, is ask them to tell you how they use their space. Like “tell me about this cabinet.” Because we might have a really specific reason why we have something set up a certain way, like so we don’t forget, so all of the things for a specific task are all together, etc. The thoughts shoot around inside of our heads so fast we have trouble organizing them. Half the time of you give us the space to talk about it, with curiosity instead of judgement, and just listen, we will figure out for ourselves what we need to do. Or give us some different options of solutions you have seen before and talk through them. This also applies to throwing things out. Just ask us about the objects and how we feel about them, how we use them, what the problems and sticking point are. Help US make the decision instead of making the decision for us.
I found what helped me a lot was someone being very gentle but firm with me when it came to decluttering. They would pull all my stuff into organized piles and then I would sit on the bed, they would hold it up and say “keep or donate?” And if I got stuck than for the time being it was a keep. No pressure to part with something if I wasn’t ready but once you’re in the groove and having fun with it you start parting with things much more easily and then we would have fun coming up with new ways to organize everything again once we had sorted through it all. Obviously need tons of snacks and music and 5 minute breaks in this process!
When you said that you would leave there's stuff in the same general area, where they could find it, instead of going on an Easter egg hunt, I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you for respecting them!
I’m 61 and remember when I was maybe 12 my sister 13 put a line down the middle of our room and told me not to let one single thing of mine touch her side. It’s a shame ADHD, or mental health in general, was not openly discussed in the early 70’s because I’ve tried and failed ALL MY LIFE to maintain order around my house. My daughter is the first person to ever tell me I’m ADHD. Everything you said about us made me cry with your understanding and compassion. It was like you were talking about ME and I felt a little less ashamed. I’m glad your video hit my feed 💚
That happened to my mom! I'm the same. Hugs to you!
Omg my daughter is the one who pointed out I too had adhd. This is me all over and I'm 42
That EXACT same thing happened with my sister and me!! A tape line down the middle of the room! The funny thing was, though, the door was on my side... however, MUCH later, she did her dissertation on educating kids with ADHD since both her kids had it... and pretty much diagnosed me. Full circle!
This is the most unbelievably respectful cleaning video for a neurodivergent person I have ever seen. No wonder none of the methods I’ve seen or tried have been working for me and have been distressing. Thank you so much for sharing
I use temporary holding spaces all the time when I actually get around to cleaning. Really helps with my ADHD. Declutter before cleaning, always.
I found this quote from Descartes that applies everywhere. "Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it." I think that quote should also include something about organising the various difficulties in the appropriate order, but it's still very good on its own.
When I don't order tasks correctly, mandatory side quests pop up that require me to remove my gloves, find a place for the wet sponge, unplug and move the toaster onto the floor so I can clean the surface it's covering, put the gloves back on and... wait, where the hell is the sponge, I put it in the sink, didn't I? Oh right, it's in the washing up bowl, not the sink. Then, I will promptly side step into the toaster, spewing crumbs halfway between the two rat colonies which then causes a civil war because I chose to move from one counter top to the next without looking where my feet were going. As a result, I'll get so angry with my careless, stupid ass that I'll disinherit myself from the throne of tidiness because -as revealed in the last episode of Fuck Around And Find Out- I'm a useless idiot who can't even clean his own kitchen without getting distracted, losing a quest item and topping it all off by causing further mess-volcanos to erupt. Then, my roommate walks in and sees the toaster is on the crumb covered floor and is positively baffled as to why it's there and I have to apologise after that conversation because I exploded with "Where else was it gonna go?! I was cleaning the countertops!"
Anyway, next time, declutter first, then clean. Lesson learned! Would have been nice if my parents had taught me years ago, but hey ho, I'll just become an adult all by myself I guess. I'm just glad the internet is around and that you are on it specifically. If I had my disorder and my neglectful parents in the 1950's I'd have been ostracised by society and coerced into joining a criminal gang by now.
Your video on cleaning with depression was what made me realise that I was depressed. Thank you so much. The other videos in general have been really, really helpful. Much love!
I am going to help a friend declutter and organize and she shared that she has ADHD. This is exactly the video I needed this week! Thank you so much for giving the respect and space to people with ADHD.
What you're going to do is called body doubling for us...having someone here helps keep me motivated to do what I need to do, and it's sooooo helpful--thank you on behalf of your friend!! :)
Send her the link to this before you two get going - maybe she needs different or even no accommodations in one or more areas. As a fellow ADHD’er who needs professional help to keep on top of things: thank you for being a good friend!!!
You are a good friend!
I wish I had someone like you who would help, but not judge. Thank you for your kindness!
I have a friend who is doing this for me. My dad had severe ADHD. I’m living in his house, as someone with ADD, trying to go through his stuff. My friend acts as a second pair of hands, doing whatever I want/need. I become more focused when I need to direct someone, because I have to verbalize what I want and be thinking ahead of what we’re doing. We pause for me to think as needed. Patiently standing there does wonders. Making sure I stop to hydrate and pay attention to my body- are my muscles sore? Stretch. Don’t try to lift something beyond my weight limit (no injuries allowed!), sit and rest at times, etc. I try to make a goal list beforehand, which gets referenced as we go- sometimes general like “kitchen”, other times specific tasks or projects that I can’t finish on my own.
Well then. I’ve just been diagnosed.
same here
Me too
🫡
Hahaha 😂
Same here. And it does trigger me when someone even touches my stuff, throwing away ends with fury
Great work! Years ago, I cleaned homes and marketed to hoarders. It was wild. My greatest breakthrough was clearing a years long stash of styrofoam meat trays with the blessing of the home owner. Thanks for being you.
As someone with ADHD the thought of someone else cleaning my house is a horror story. You guys would be hired in a minute. I love the understanding that is being shown. No judgement and a massive dose of humor. Thank you for being you.
I have ADHD and I used to live in what I called “organized chaos”
Now that I’m medicated I’m much more sensitive to clutter and things being dirty (before I wouldn’t even notice) so I’m desperately trying to implement routines and organize my stuff in a way, where it works for me and is also easy to maintain. It’s proving to be very difficult! But I also know that when someone other than me tries to help by inventing new systems and putting my stuff in boxes, it actually feels violating! This video reminded me that my “organized” doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Word
AuDHD therapist here. I LOVE this. I'll send it to my clients and other therapists.
Lord do I feel called out by this video, from the dining room mail-table to the overload of clothes/shoes that should probably be donated, and especially loving to start things and struggling with the finish line. Watching this actually eased my anxiety to the point where I might clean something today.
This was the first one of your videos that made me cry...I was diagnosed at 51, and just hearing someone "see" someone like me...just, thank you.
My goodness, bless you. I was diagnosed at 37 and it was like going through a mourning period of all my ‘failures’.
I swear there should be a support group for late diagnosed adults. Being diagnosed is so validating but the emotions are overwhelming.
It does get better.
Thank you for your respect for those of us with ADHD. For 70 years I have felt badly about myself because I can’t do what everyone else seems to know how to do so organically
*hugs*
Me too.
AuDHD here 👋🏻 I really appreciate the care you took with the wolf cabinet. It's a key part of any loving home.
As someone that manages her neurodivergence but can backslide when things get busy - it took me some years to figure it out but I did it and it genuinely comes down to accountability to yourself. I don’t joke about my conditions because I don’t think it’s funny. It’s clearly debilitating to many people and I care about myself enough not to let myself and the people I live with to put up with the chaos and unmanaged condition that burdens everyone.
We’ve established people aren’t lazy - we’re overwhelmed. If something doesn’t work and you see the piles growing, whatever you tried isn’t working and it’s time to try something else. It does mean holding yourself accountable for researching methods and setting goals, for doing the emotional work of accepting a certain method isn’t working for you, to get others to help you (whether that’s friends/family/paying helpers) and to articulate your plan and communicate your triggers, to go into a session with focus, to be VERY aware of your energy/focus level, and to keep moving onto the next attempt. It’s ok to accept that maybe no one taught you, that you have a lot of shame attached to it, etc. At the end of the day, how you manage your condition is not accountable to your parents, your partner, or anyone else that isn’t you.
If your place looks like a warzone, you gotta be very explicitly honest with yourself about how it got this way without shaming yourself because calling yourself stupid or lazy is a cop out that leads to no actionable steps. Feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for the freeze to pass serves no one and improves nothing. You’re allowed to go as slow as you want, to spend time planning, to make mistakes, but you can’t give up.
As a sort of "Neatfreak", I appreciate all the info you gave in this video. I have loads of friends and family living with ADHD, and I realise now that some of the ways I was trying to "help" were not actually helpful. Mack out here savin' relationships and banishing Mooses!
Yes, leave their piles alone!!! Never file anything away. Just love them and let them be!!
Especially the wolf information! Very important!!
I’m going to show this video to my husband so he stops “cleaning” by shoving things into plastic totes. It’s so unhelpful,
I have ADHD 22-23 years now. And I was never messy, people get confused it’s the inside of the head that looks like this.
@@jadeperlman3182 I wish I had your version. Its messy in both places with me.
I have a grandson with ADHD that i nicknamed him INVENTORY CLERK. No joke he could always locate stuff at his house and my house. You are amazing.
33:47 but why am I crying??....
You guys are literally doing God's work in the frequency of God's Love! It's easy to forget how kind people are in this world. I thank God You two, and all else involved, are here to make this world a better place. Bless You all! 🧡
I started crying within 10 seconds of this video because of how truly compassionate and understanding you are. I was diagnosed at 18 but have always shown pretty severe symptoms of adhd. As I learn more, I have realized how much of my daily functioning is affected by adhd, and I'm not a lazy slob like I've been called.. but its so hard to accept you aren't those things when it feels like nobody understands or takes it seriously. Thank you for taking the time and effort to learn about ADHD and find ways to benefit them in the long run.
This is such a great educational tool. So many people need to understand their relative is not a "pig" but has ADHD and could use the RIGHT type of help.
I have been decluttering & purging my house for 3 months now. I have empty spaces everywhere. Please send all your unwanted mooses (?) over and I will take care of them and give them love❣️❣️❣️
meese?
Meeses 😂
@marybartlett2375 Love those meeses to pieces! 😊
I love canned Moose face.😂
I have absolutely NO ROOM FOR A MOOSE. BUT SEND ME 2
This makes me so happy. I have ADHD and can only clean like this for myself when the stars align which apparently only happens once every 18 months or something like that. Thank you for also showing how to just get it done without tripping over doing it in too many steps. Too many steps is very difficult for me because I want the task to be over before I lose momentum to finish it, and when things distract me like sentimental objects or putting something in the room it belongs in, if that room is too far away from the focus of my task it's just like shaking the Etch-a-Sketch of my brain and once I've lost that clear desire and focus to be in the room I'm working on, I don't want to return to the task. I also acknowledge that I "run away " from tasks that I'm determined to do because once I get started I realize how much work it will take (in my own space, throwing away/donating my own things) and I get overwhelmed. Even handling it in small several hour blocks over a few days is daunting because I feel far more urgency to deal with anything else that might occur in my life than my Stuff ™️
As someone with ADHD I can't love this video enough. Thank you for making it.
I say I organize in piles. I know why I have meltdowns when people move my stuff. It takes so much mental effort to get through daily life in a neurotypical world. When I need something and it isn't where I left it and I have to go searching for it, it derails my limited attention or my hyper focus. It takes an extreme amount of mental and emotional effort to get back on task after this, that I usually end up giving up on the thing I was originally doing and then feel like more of a failure by adding to more uncompleted tasks. If I do get back on task, I used up so much energy trying to refocus that I burn out quickly. Knowing this happens, I end up getting angry at whoever moved my stuff because they just created more unnecessary mental hurdles for me. I also end up feeling like they disrespected me by disrespecting my belongings.
I am definitely saving this video to share with a few people in my life as you explain things so well. ❤
I'm AuDHD and clean my friends houses. This is exactly what most their houses look like, yet some of them swear they're not ADHD 🙄 I tend to clean just like you do. I often put big labels on boxes/bins of like items and make a "can it be thrown away?" pile of things that I would trash. I love cleaning and organizing. Makes my autism happy to organize everything and make it all nice 🥰
I’m also AuDHD and love cleaning my friends homes too. I get wildly uncomfortable in a mess. It becomes very hard to think.
I'm AuDHD and I wish I had the cleaning part of autism. 😂
Can I hire you to help me organize my house😂?
That's so cute! You guys have a symbiotic relationship! 🥰
Man, I never would’ve thought that rural Illinois would have such a big moose problem but you learn something new everyday.
Oh yeah, they are absolutely overrun with moose there. Mostly in the suburbs.
ADHD and Autistic here I just want to say I have never felt more understood and more seen ever in my life than I did watching this video I have had people look down their nose at me my entire life For the disastrous clutter I've always had As if it doesn't bother me My autistic side desperately needs order But the ADHD side just doesn't allow it So every once in a while I go on a mission and get everything together all of it Just to watch it fall apart within a week The amount of compassion and insight you spoke with is admirable ❤❤
I hate it when my wolves and mooses get out of hand. This is GREAT and I love how respectful you both are! I've spent my whole life fighting my cluttering tendencies but it's a neverending task. You folks rock!
It's funny because I have ADHD with really bad executive dysfunction, so my house is not too far from this (although my partner helps keep it to a certain standard) and if someone were to come in to clean I would probably lose my mind not knowing where everything is being put. But if I somehow get a blessed hyperfocus day for cleaning, I am likely to throw out 1/3 of the things in my house and not care at all about them. I just need the control over knowing what is where.
And I have an art room dedicated solely to my projects where I store every hobby I have started for the past 10 years. It's full.
I was told i was "ungrateful" when I had a meltdown over my family cleaning my room
😂😂 "It's full." 😂😂
i’m the exact same way with the art storage room and needing to wait for days where i actually have energy to go on cleaning sprees. thanks for sharing!
YES! If I want to throw it out, it's fine, but not when someone else does! More than once, I've gone digging through the trash because my husband threw a pile of papers in the trash without looking at them. He was cleaning the counter and assumed it was all junk. It made me feel panicked because there might have been something in that pile I needed.
@@mkymse7Yep.
I got so good at shoving important papers I couldn't deal with between book pages as bookmark- reminders that it became as tho I was hiding these important papers from myself.
Maybe it was my protective alter ego?
As someone that has had ADHD for pretty much all her life but was not diagnosed until I was 48, let's just say that being called lazy for almost my entire life did things to my self confidence and self image that I am working on repairing right now.
It is a disorder and trust me, if we had a choice, we would not have chosen to have ADHD.
I feel like I wrote this! I was about the same age. I bet you probably went through the same thing at school too. The psychologist said I was one of the worst cases he’d ever seen. My dad and youngest sister suffer from it too.
I got diagnosed last year at 34! I totally understand you!!!!
I’m 36 and think I have it, but sadly my husband thinks it’s a made up by the drug companies. I told him they have literally compared brains and studied this disorder, it’s very real. I don’t know how to convince him.
@@lilwarrioraleenayour husband sounds fun you should divorce him😂😂😂😂😂
I am 29 and am working on getting diagnosed but it's hard to get an appointment at the moment. Being called lazy has DESTROYED my self confidence. My husband has been working with me for years now to try and help me and has learned I'm not lazy, I'm unmotivated or overwhelmed. Praise is necessary for me so anytime I do a task that to someone else would be simple, I show him what I did and he always tells me he is proud of me. He comments when he notices how good the house looks or if I do a chore that I hate without making a big deal about it. He goes out of his way to thank me, praise me and remind me that I am doing good. If I start to slack off he tries to help boost my motivation rather than comment that I am getting unmotivated. One time I got a huge burst of motivation and cleaned the whole house unexpectedly. He came home and took me out to eat to reward me for my hard work which I will never forget.
Finally someone who know how to clean for ADHD person! Hats off to you ❤
I realize you're 'Sammy Sarcastic', but just have to stop & give you kudos for having so much empathy for us ADD, ADHS, chronic procrastinators out here. Can't tell you how much you've helped me personally - as well as my kids & grandkids. (Yes - it is definayely a handed down blessing.).
Some days I have to binge watch & end up taking notes, then loose what I did with those notes - you know. The wonderful vicious circle stuff that goes on. Then have to snap out of things & continue on starting over & over again. Eventually there's been like 4 times this year I could actually not be embarrassed to open my door. Wish I could adopt you & your wife & crew .... I mean .... literally! ( I'm in Denver. Colorado. Would have you & wife come vacation/work & stay 4 a few days if I could!).
Keep doing what you're doing please - y'all bless more people than you could even imagine!
I like to imagine that the “gerbil sounds” of your speeded up conversations are just non-stop sh*t talk back and forth and that Jason (Filth) surpasses his father in skill.
😂
Funny, I like to think that's just how Jason sounds. Never heard him speak differently ...
😅
I wondered if younger people would recognize this sound. The 'gerbil sound' is how all video tapes used to sound during fast forwarding :)
2006 baby here. Yes, we know that that's just what fast forwarding is@@lisa2000geese