How to LOVE YOURSELF: three steps to overcoming self-hatred
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Learning to love yourself is extremely important, because where you go, there you are. If your self is cruel and self-loathing, you can exist in the midst of peace and pleasure without benefitting in the slightest. In today's episode, I will give you three simple steps to overcome self-hatred and move in the direction of self-love. They do not require expensive therapy sessions, and you can put them into practice today.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #selfcare #selfimprovement
Learning to love yourself is extremely important, because where you go, there you are. If your self is cruel and self-loathing, you can exist in the midst of peace and pleasure without benefitting in the slightest. In today's episode, I will give you three simple steps to overcome self-hatred and move in the direction of self-love. They do not require expensive therapy sessions, and you can put them into practice today.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
czcams.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #selfcare #selfimprovement
In addition to love ourselves also is not allowing hate, unforgiveness, and other negative feelings to dwell inside of us because it will cause sufferings.
@Ercan Kayisci stop taking whatever you're smoking. Cease it for a few weeks at least.
Maybe read the book "The power of NOW". Read it before you talk and teach people
The third step may trigger people-pleasing and focusing on expectations or SHOULDing yourself... which could contribute to worsening self worth and feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and despair? Add a dash of radical self-acceptance and compassion or something to make it more loving
your suggestions do not work.
I started by being mean to the cruel inner voice. Essentially standing up to the bully inside
Thats actually helpfull. Thank you
That's great
@@firestick4991 😂😂
David Goggins is big on that
mon, me told myself to go fly a kite a few times,
not in public anymore, people look away and pass me straight.
Steps to self-love:
1. Stop speaking to yourself negatively.
2. Speak positive to yourself as a good friend, coach or parent.
3. Be the person, you can love.
No its worng way to process thats why many people continue to do what u Say and they never change they send u wrong message .
Sometimes that’s easier said than done
The negativity feels so familiar you have a hard time rewiring your brain but don't give up!! the light out there shines brightly for each of you here, I am in this battle too ❤️❤️
I’m 24. I stopped talking bad about myself for the first time in my life about 2 months ago. I stopped putting myself down, and started lifting myself up. (Like a cheerful friend would) I stopped insulting myself and started giving myself small compliments. This ultimately changed how I interact with others. I have never been so annoyed at someone else’s disrespect toward me only after I started to actually respect myself. When someone Ik calls me a name or makes a bad joke, I actually challenge them amen correct them. I keep it classy and simple. I spent over 20 years calling myself names, and I finally stopped. Now why would I let you do it.
This is a really great comment. Thanks for sharing. When someone disrespects you, it actually has more to do with them than it does with you. If someone disrespects you, it means they are projecting the disrespect they have for themselves onto you. So whenever someone calls you a name or says something mean, don’t take it personally. They’re just projecting their discomfort and self-hatred onto you.
The thing that has helped me the most is saying ‘I’m doing the best I can right now’ instead of berating myself for every single mistake and flaw. I also ask myself what would I say to my best friend if she made this mistake or was in the same situation?
I often try to tell myself that. But right after that thought, there's another one saying that my best right now isn't good enough for the situation I'm in. What then?
You wanna know something interesting ? The critical voice inside is not really a part of you but rather a foreign virus installed by, you guessed it, society, bullies, assholes who think they know anything about You.
Simple Concept - This 'Critic' lies in everyone but it didn't manifest on its own - it was a seed sown by outside entities, nurtured and grown into a fucking behemoth over decades.
And no wonder people are messed up, insecure and depressed as fuck.
To the person reading this, Good Luck! Don't stress, everything will be fine. No matter what difficulty you are facing right now, you can overcome it! You are strong and brave.
❤️
Thank you
😢 I'm trying but things keep piling up and I can't find a clear way
Thank you 🙏
❤️
My mom never learned to love herself when I was growing up. She carried the wounds of childhood trauma due to grandma beating the shit outta her and her siblings before they were 4 years of age.
I myself went through childhood trauma and plenty of verbal abuse. I'm 36 and wondering where my life is going. I sometimes struggle with the intrusive thoughts of suicide. It's gradually gotten worse in some ways, and I feel like I have almost no one to turn to.
I can relate. I’m 55 and I know that Jesus Christ has saved me countless times and the sooner you find some real time to seek him and ask. He wants to totally transform our lives inside and out. I’ve survived some hard horrific experiences and through a church that got me involved and continue to show love and care for my well being. I am the happiest and more confident than I ever was in my girl chasing party days with endless failures. Thank God! I’ll pray you may be receptive to hearing Gods call. Much love
Agree. Find a higher power - it will help break the inter generational family trauma
We got this ❤
I can relate. I wish for you to find relief and peace
Im so sorry you are struggling so badly. I could have written your second paragraph most of my life!!
I used to struggle with thoughts of suicide and was in and out of therapy for 20 years. I even ended up in an outpatient mental hospital at the age of 40. Thank God that first therapist i saw there-- she actually taught me basic life skills my parents could not because of their own issues-- a lot of it was basic care like brushing my teeth (because i'm loveable and worth it), and eating to nourish my body (because i'm loveable and worth it and all good things are available to me), and exercise (because i am precious and my body craves movement), I am worth resting and not being addicted to work (Because i'm a real person who needs rest, and God is here for me). I have grown a great deal since then, but believe me I work very hard to do so, but it's WORTH IT. I am worth the effort, and so are you!
I also learned that thoughts of suicide are often signs we are in deep, deep distress but don't know how to deal with it, and your mind is trying to get your attention. That knowledge helped me a lot; i hope it helps you too.
When i read your comment, i just realized i haven't had a suicidal thought in about a year or more. I'm 42 now and am now enjoying life, probably for the first time ever.
Know that you are a precious person, and you are loveable, you matter, and you can grow and learn to love and take care of yourself! and you absolutely can enjoy life, even when it isn't perfect or far from it. (my life is far from what i needs to be but I'm okay now.)
And PS I reconciled with God too, though i'm still working on trusting the Universe. i definitely don't hold my feelings back. I've been a Christian for decades but now I believe in Universal Reconciliation (Not universal salvation). It helped me trust God and that helps a whole heck of lot in general. Doesn't take the work out of life, but it makes life doable!
All the best to you. No matter what your mind tells you, remember you are LOVEABLE just as you are, and you are so so precious, and all good things are available to you. Keep telling yourself these truths and more truth will come to you.
I used to worry about being a narcissist so I erred on the side of self criticism and being hard on myself. That was one hell of a mistake!
I feel like I did the same thing. I had an ex who told me I was a narcissistic person. I dialed it so far back I hurt myself bad.
How are you now?
@@user-nj6tn8pv3g I think I've damaged my self perception, but I try to notice when I'm being self critical and make an effort to stop. It's a long road
@@user-nj6tn8pv3g Was your ex the narcissist one?
Same and im 56
As a fresh 39 year old. I can tell you with complete confidence that this gets a lot easier as you mature. Try not to stress about it and let time do its magic.
Maybe, but its better go start today when you have problems with loving yourself. Than you will have better results sooner
I’m 47 and can tell you it takes more than time.
33 here and it's getting worse for me. when i was young and ignorant i was much happier. when i hadn't had much dating experience i was much happier. when i didn't know anything about self improvement, attachment theory, philosophy, psychology etc etc i was doing so much better.
now all i can do is question everything, doubt myself, see red flags and disorders in people, see flaws in myself that i feel like i can't overcome.
for me, defining and labelling everything has been a disaster
@@manfrombritain6816 You just need to let all of that crap go. In the end, all that matters is what you can control with yourself and forget about controlling others and things outside of you.
Everyone has their own path to walk and decisions to make. You can’t control that.
Yeah, when there is no more reason to live, no more chances of love and hard to make friends...
THEN life becomes easier to live, when you don't need it as much anymore.
wonderful.
I have a picture of myself and my brother as children cheezin it up on my makeup desk. I remind myself that only a disordered person would talk to those small children the way our parents talked to us. That's how our inner voices came to be. So now I look at the picture of us as children to remind myself how to speak to myself.
1:56 Three actionable things
2:26 Make a commitment not to speak to yourself in way that you wouldn't speak to a close friend.
4:55 Begin to talk positively to yourself like a supportive coach/a good friend/a loving parent.
7:36 Act in a way that you'd find easier to love in someone else.
Thank you!!!
Thank you.
Thank you. I don’t need to watch it now because none of that will work on me.
Musch easier to say than do.
@@marguskiis7711
yep.
I almost break to tears when I realized how I treat myself all the times I make a mistake.
The inroad to LOVING myself started with realizing things I LIKED about myself... And that I wasn't such a bad guy after all
:)
I feel as though I can’t control my thoughts sometimes.
It feels like when something small happens, like a rejection, someone says something that hurts my feelings, or I don’t hit a goal I wanted to hit, I begin to spiral.
My brain starts to bring up all these things that are wrong with me, remind me how little support I have, and bring up memories I despise.
This is the exact same for me. People tell me to change the way I think. But what if I can't even control my thoughts?
@@JonathanGilmer a lot has actually happened to me in 8 days. Maybe this can help you too.
I decided to take on a challenge called 75hard which is a mental toughness challenge. Today is quite literally day 9 for me of 75, working out twice a day, drinking a gallon of water, reading 10 pages of non fiction, dieting and taking a progress picture once per day.
I honestly feel way more in control of my mind. The purpose of the challenge is to give you back confidence, to give you control over your life and to build discipline and mental toughness
You should definitely look into it. I think being more disciplined and physically active really helps with this stuff
Yogi's learn to control their thoughts ALL the time - AND YOU CAN DO THAT TOO. It is a practice to change your focus in the moment. Changing the direction of our thought like we would change the direction of our walk. Takes practice though
There's alot going on to begin with. Thoughts, feelings, memories of the past, imaginings of the future, horribly negative core beliefs are very difficult to see without shadow work. Outside you there's nothing you can control, so you might want to let go of that impossible idea. I was a perfectionist for 37 years. Perfection only applies to your Spirit, not anything that is down here, especially whatever your judging. That's another good point, one way to stop judging yourself and expecting so much is to stop judging anyone else. One equals the other. GodSpeed! :)
@@Kalinious I appreciate this comment.
Find myself being especially hard on myself lately and it’s leading to lonely and scary thoughts.
Something I haven’t consciously been trying to do is improve the way I treat others. Being more mature, being less emotionally charged and being more patient and kind.
Can’t seem to figure out loving myself but at least I can treat others better
I thought being extremely critical or harsh to myself was normal. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that someone showed me that the way I talk to and about myself isn't typical or healthy.
This person sat me down & had me begin to list the positive traits I possess and the accomplishments in my life. I had to walk away because I started to become very emotional.
Even though I know this fellow is right, it is a very difficult change to make.
I think the difficulty for me comes with the fact that even though objectively I've tried to write down my positive traits and be grateful, people still don't seem to appreciate me for who I am and it makes it hard to feel comfortable in society when you feel like you're being disrespected constantly.
@@isaac3den If you haven't done so, I recommend reading Marcus Aurelius' 'Meditations'.
He wrote that a person who is driven by ambition pins their sanity on the words & approval of others, while a person who is self-indulgent pins their sanity on what happens to them.
I don't know you, but the best possible advice I could give is to become someone who doesn't need respect. These people don't know or appreciate you. How much is their respect worth? Free yourself.
@@isaac3denyou must embrace confrontation. When people cast shade and disrespect you, stand up for yourself. Always. If it’s a lose-lose situation, then you take your bat and your ball and go home.
Good things take time :))
Just found you! I am a much older woman who has tried all my life to overcome self hatred with no success. This is the clearest message I've ever heard on how to change. Will start these steps today. Thank you! 💖
Wish you all the best! It's a gratifying and cathartic journey
I’m here because I’m amazed by all the people around me doing bad things, hurting people, steamrolling people, and just not caring. They just keep moving forward. They’re successful, they have friends, and they seem happy.
Meanwhile I’m beating myself up over everything.
I'm experiencing some mental breakthroughs from your videos today. My wounded self thanks you for showing me a path to recovery.
“Self-violence” never heard this term- useful. I’ve been working on this for years, have finally got traction. It’s shocking how much of my life I lived under that darkness.
I am SO mean to myself. It’s also impossible for me to celebrate my victories too - I always feel guilty, like I’m gloating or bragging. Even in my own head lol.
I unfortunately deal with severe self loathing & depression. I dealt with this ever since i was a lil kid. I'm 53yrs old & by God's grace I'm doing OK & not self destructive/self sabotaging but i do have to fight against demonic thoughts. It's never about anyone else, I've always directed ir inward. I'm gonna watch this video & take the suggestions because things have & if i ain't careful things can get real dark. 🌵🕯☦️🕯🌵
You will be fine, mate. No need to fret. The world has only one job - To make us hate ourselves and Our job is to not let it.
My mean inner voice come from my mother. I was never enough, i never did things in the way she wants. Thats why i bully myself when i make mistakes or doing nothing special in my free time. Even if i know i only learn from making mistakes. I try not to be harsh to myself but its also an automatic process. And i have to remind myself that i am not dumb or lazy or anything. With c-ptsd its so hard to be kind to myself. People say...just love yourself...but how if you never learned or experienced it? Not easy way
say: I am developing myself every day. I am growing by every step I take. I accept myself at the point of growth where I am now. I keep on growing because I do effort for this, fotr myself. I love myself for who I am now and I will love myself not more when I reached a specific point. My love for myself is always THE SAME. A new day... let's GO!
Esto me hizo llorar, yo pensaba que tenía que ser duro conmigo mismo para poder llegar a una etapa en mi vida donde pueda decirme a mi mismo "Estoy felíz", pero al escuchar tus palabras, me hizo dudar en lo que he estado haciendo todo este tiempo, ya que estaba haciendo lo que dijiste en el video, hacer mis problemas peor de lo que son, y mis cosas positivas no tan buenas.
Ahora tengo un punto de vista diferente, uno que va a cambiar mi vida si lo pongo en práctica, gracias.
Healing won't be easy, yet it's SOOOO Possible ❤thank you
I’m so much harsher to myself & those I love than I would ever be to a stranger.
Same
I almost died some time ago. And this made me rearrange my world.
This is EXACTLY how it works. I stumbled on this process to eliminate stage fright playing guitar. I didn’t realize that it would literally change the way I engage myself in EVERY other area. Bravo!
I am a teenager who has low-self esteem, It stemmed from my childhood experiences. The lack of love made me feel negativity was normal and to my surprise it isn't. I wish to overcome this and give myself the love I deserve instead of hate
Working through significant loss, trauma and grief. The self blame never stops. The critical voice is never quiet, sometimes only brief moments of peace, but then the regret and self hate sets in, and the depression goes deeper. Self love is foreign and impossible for me
Me too. It happened a year and a half ago. Never thought I would get out. It does get better. By the way, never say “impossible”. Maybe “challenging” or “difficult”. Also, what helped me was learning the teachings of the Stoic philosophers. 😊
Feels difficult for me - everyone I knew growing up always routinely taught me my inferiority.
I wish someone taught me this earlier. It’s so hard, because growing up, my parents would say a lot of mean things to me. Doubted myself a lot. Now I flunk out of college. But I’m not giving up. Thank you for all these tips and tricks.
The goodness of being good is its own reward. I’m working my financial situation. For the time being I’m not in a position to thank you according to the benefit I get from your content.
god this guy has such a great insight on things, I’m seriously so impressed
critical inner voice is bang on. Some of the nicest people treat themselves so differently ...
I filmed myself on my webcam reading something aloud and watched it back. From a detached view I realized I am so mean to that guy I saw in the webcam. I
when you feel deep appreciation towards god( the one who created you, and everything in your life) it's so amazing!
try to focus on how much you and god really love each other, and feel that love in your heart. then, let that love expand and get bigger and stronger and bigger and stronger until it's bigger than your body and now you are swimming in an ocean of love!
visualize this ocean of love is a very light pink with gold sparkles.
unconditional love towards god is one of the best feelings you can experience!
know that god loves you so much more than you ever imagined! now, how does that make you feel?
now, that you see what that feels like, love god even more! 100 time stronger than before!
the more love you share with god, the more love god will share with you.
8:35 supportive, even tempered, reliable, trustworthy, easy going, appreciative etc. Develop these qualities in yourself.
I really appreciate this video. I’m trying really hard to love myself again but it’s hard. All my life I’ve conflated self love with selfishness, vanity, and narcissism and I’m always very afraid of my selfish tendencies getting the better of me and hurting others. So the idea of loving myself is a challenge because it’s also a conflict with the other extreme
me too. makes me feel very guilty and selfish to be nice to myself. I feel the same way when other people give me similar attention, who would have guessed!
Thank You! Your time and educated words are life changing and motivating!
Oh dear god reflecting back at my earlier years... i was inexplicably cruel harsh to myself whenever I failed at something or missed the mark
its like 2 people are inside me and a third one is just watching i do not know if i am losing my mind but that would be too easy to explain as everyone these days wants to be a victim cause it makes life so much easier to explain
The way i love myself i like to exercise, go for a walk , read ,spend time with my family ,and i like to say self affirmations,
1. Do your best.
2. Expect nothing of yourself except to do your best.
The sound effects are actually pretty cool. Especially when you’re flowing through an explanation. It’s like a professor that actually enjoys giving lectures
Loved this. You think loving yourself is selfish but it isn't. You are a blessing to humanity.
I hate myself as other people who used to care now avoid me because of small mistakes, im so damn lonely...
Dr Orion, I’ve been doing therapy for almost a yeat, but it’s your videos that helped me the most with self-worth and self-esteem. Somehow you were able to describe very vividly what it means. And your video ‘Life is a Disneyland’ instilled hope in me. Thank you so much! For the first time in my life I feel like I belong to this world and got rid of the feeling that I annoy everyone I get in contact with.
Orion may have been a fallen angel masquerading as a god
That's awesome!! Me however ... I don't feel like I belong to this world (figuratively)! Everywhere I go people are always staring at me. It's like I'm in the twilight zone 😂. I suffer with social anxiety and it feels really debilitating. I never fit in with the local tribes or groups or cliques or churches etc and I've always matched to the best of my own drum. There are some people who "get me" and like me, hopefully I don't self sabotage my relationships by erecting another barrier to protect myself from getting hurt lol. Forgive me for my rant.. but that's awesome you are growing Internally.
@@andrewortiz5797 I'm sure you're on the way of improvement too :)
“If it might take awhile, then you might as well get started” Good Stuff! Thank you, this was very helpful for me
I’ve been into „self improvement“ for about two years now, and although it helped me a lot, and I see a lot of benefits from it, I began to look at myself in a judgemental way. There were challenges I would consistently fail in, like trying to treat my pron addiction or spending less time online. I would get disappointed and think of myself as a loser, who gives up just before reaching something. At the same time I deny any love from women, thinking I cant love anyone if I don’t love myself, which I can only happen if I reach my goals, which is only possible if I love myself. As you see this is Impossible to reach. I have to be able to love myself without achieving my dreams, in order to achieve my dreams. I can only move forward and master all these challenges if I love myself, as judging will only bring me down. So that’s what I’m doing from now on . I will talk to myself in a brotherly and empathetic way
"Future You" _needs_ *you* to set up for its needs to be met! Dare, be brave to break with traditions and rules ... and skip the sh!t talking. 🤙🏻🌱
Brother, so relatable ! I also do that brotherly talk with myself often . Seems I’m on the right track aswell
Getting over porn addiction is difficult because it's like a drug addiction. I suggest Noah B. E. Church for help
I'm with you on judging sell.. I find it hard sometimes, but if I think about the situation for a minute, 2years ago a surgery blessed my new journey as solidity to everyday working on self regardless of how much I hurt... good luck
This video needs to be played in schools, everywhere. This video calmed me down.
It is important to take an inventory of those with whom you live. It is quite possible they are either consciously or subconsciously undermining yourself love. Think of it as a very subtle form of gaslighting. It’s important to be aware of it to be able to detect it. Good luck!
Great points! Self talk definitely impact our lives.
Im definitely going to try this thankyou 😊 im constantly putting myself down,feelings of quilt and i havnt done anything wrong😢 ive been hurt so badly and almost feel i cant ever be happy again.i do so much for everyone around me yet hate it when someone does or says something nice to me.❤New Zealand 🇳🇿
Ridiculously high value. I wish I have heard this years ago.
This is hands down my fav CZcams channel.Completely changed my view on therapy and psychology.Came a long way with the editing Doc😅
I hug myself and talk to myself in a way that I’m talking with a little boy. I tell myself I love myself, I’m handsome and I’m smart. Doing this helped me overcome Limerence.
Sending positive vibe ❤
Thanks! Please keep up the good work! Best content out there!!
Thank you! I needed this today!
Thank you for this🙏🏾✨
I really needed this. Thank you.
Great start for me finding your channel!!!
Thank you so much for your work.
Really needed to hear this. Thanks!!❣
Thank you for this.
Thank you for the content you provide, Orion. :)
Orian Always explains it perfectly.
Thank you, Dr. Taraban!
This is incredibly helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤️
This is something I have struggled with for many years. I knew I needed to learn to love myself, but you have provided really great, practical steps. Thank you! I love your videos!
Needed this 🙌
Dziękujemy.
So well put. Such important messages. Thank you 🌳
I’m grateful 🙏🏻
Just what I needed!
Thank you and many blessings!❤️
Thank you so much for this, really helps.
Thanks!
Awesome video , thank you !
Thank you!
Absolutely fundamental, thanks.
Eccentially, self affirmation, but without all the fluff. Excellent.
Very well explained, thank u!
thanks Doc
Thank you for this
This is so helpful, thank you.
Thank you🙂
beautiful video and beautiful message, as always!!
Incredibly valuable video. Thank you
I'm so glad I found your channel, cheers from the midwest. I'm learning so much from you :)
And then it gets deeper and deeper. Thank you. 😊
This is good advice! I took this to heart a decade or so ago and I’m happier.
I love the Jan Kabat Zinn quote! ❤and congrats on your success, Orion! 🎉
I like how practical and simple these messages are.
What a great source of extremely valuable information. Some of what you said is so basic, yet completely overlooked and crucial for a satisfying life. Thank you 🙏🏼
This is so helpful! Will do my best to put it in practice. Thank you for this video!
Thank you… I needed this.
Thank you
Thank you so much for your advice, am grateful to have found your page on my feed. Am subscribed now and awaiting more videos. Thanks again.
You give accurate & actionable way to really love myself. Thanks a lot keep up the good work.
thank you for the positive video
Ur Are literally A Life Saver
i learned allot from this one! This guy found his purpose in life!!!