Good dads -- the real game changer | Dr. Meg Meeker | TEDxTraverseCity
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- čas přidán 14. 10. 2014
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Dads, says Meg Meeker, are the real gamechangers for kids and the culture, because they are the KEY in developing a child’s healthy self esteem, in keeping kids in school and seeking higher education and in staying out of trouble. If Dads could see themselves from behind their kids’ eyes, she claims, their lives would never be the same. Better dads means healthier kids who grow into successful adults. And strong adults create a healthier culture. No, it’s not always about Mom.
Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers/ Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know, Boys Should Be Boys, Your Kids At Risk, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, Ballentine Books, April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.
Meg is Co-host and Physician-in-Residence of Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk radio program. She is also, Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
My daughter moved in with me at 14 right at the start of the pandemic. She was suicidal and suffering from the abuse of a mentally unstable mother. I'm not a perfect father in any sense of the word... I try as hard as I can. Sometimes I get angry and shout at her. She doesn't let me hug her (she doesn't let anyone). She doesn't trust me because I have a temper sometimes. I don't think I'm a very good father, but she's got nowhere else to go so it's all on me. All I know is that I want my daughter to be happy and confident with herself. So I continue to focus on fixing myself and dealing with my own issues so I can be a better father for her. I hope it's enough.
brother keep it up. fight for her
The fact that you watched this video is a great start towards growing. keep growing and finding ways to connect with your daughter. You got this!
Keep going John. You got this!
You made the first choice and I commend you for that. The choice of wanting to be the best you for her. I truly hope it's going well!
Every time you give your anger to God surrender the feeling to His son Jesus and He will allow for you to find a positive way to connect with your daughter.
Don’t wait to connect with your daughter when your angry, it triggers her fear of family rejection.
Take her to places that maker her happy and pray for her. She will br healed in Jesus name. Amen
8 years and this Tedx talk hasn't blown up to a million views or even significant hundreds of thousands is a sign that this trouble isn't well appreciated and recognized by society.
I hope we will be doing better. Family is everything, a healthy family is the best gift a society can have.
My Dad taught me everything my mother couldn't. I left my lunch box and my Dad ran to find me at a bus stop. It was so far from my house and I had no lunch money. That was love!
AWWWWW
There is no difference between dads and moms. The only thing that matters is the love you receive.
warmongerism actually there’s a huge difference. Like, I can teach my sons through words what a good man looks like, but I can’t model it by example. Kids need dads, kids need moms.
I went to school hungry most days because of long lines, and terrible food.
@@warmongerism I don't agree. Mums and Dads are equally important but they are totally different in the way they parent. It is supposed to be that way and kids will benefit from having both a mum and a dad - parenting in their own unique way.
I was the only child for my parents and my mother had schizophrenia since I was 2. My dad was everything for me! He is no more and there is no one I want to talk to for once in my life than him 😢 he made me! Dads are heroes so please be present in your children's lives!
Last week I heard my daughter (12Y) say to her friends on the phone. My dad is my idol.
As a single father this hit me hard at that moment and yes I cried a little after that. I have zero support from my ex-wife but children always see and notice the truth. Dad's are very important for our children don't let the society bash dad's and belittle us. This has to stop, nothing funny about that! We all make mistakes but as a dad and men we never give up. Mothers are mothers and dad's are dad's. We are different and there is nothing wrong about that.
Society needs confident men without made fun with.
Children without dad's have a 70% chance to have BIG problems later in life. Why is nobody talking about this??
Because we live in a delusional world.
My dad abandoned my siblings and I at an early age and, now having kids of my own, I struggle to fully realize what it means to be a great dad. Videos like this definitely help me keep trying.
Your father is the exception, not the rule. You need to remember this.
You can choose to break the mould and be better.
The bible talks about bondage breakers.
All of us have many predispositions we would rather not have. That’s why i need Jesus to transform me into His likeness daily.
I messed up and made mistakes everyday. Many times 1 step forward and 5 steps backwards.
But 28 years after, my firstborn is already 27 and getting married next year, i know for sure the holy spirit worked best in me when i was able to do things out of my character.
I pray you will find inspiration, hope, love and perseverance in Jesus!
God loves you even if your earthly father failed to do so.
❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
My father developed severe Mental Illness after drug use. However I had my Grandpa around. He was enough to show me what a Father is
As a dad, this was one of my favorite TED talks yet!
😐
@@sabertoothwallaby2937 what ?
But as a son, it was the worst😂😂😂
This needs to be shared.
Definitely 😁🖐️✊🙌🤟
The research about a girls self-esteem is absolutely incredible. I’m always hugging and kissing my toddler and I’m happy to know that the results of that affection are good for her confidence. Thanks for the information in this TED talks because I’m also “winging it”.
Being a dad has been the greatest thing I have ever experienced
The most life-change event I have ever experienced.
Vote this the best TED talk
Dr. Meeker is spot on! The damage the media and many others have done to the image of fathers by dad bashing is unacceptable and has to stop. It is definitely damaging kids and families and encouraging some dads to check out. I'm so grateful for her voice speaking out about this. Hopefully everyone is paying attention.
As a single father this talk was so inspiring to keep going for my daughter even when I don't seem to have the strength to.
Thank you
Hi Daniel, I hear you! Isn't that inspiring? If you feel lack of power - you will find more that enough in the love you carry in you for your child.
You have the strength to keep going. You just don’t always know or think it. 💪💪
Who in their right mind would give this video a thumbs down? We need more people to talk about issues like this one. I love my dad and I love my son.
SJW.......who else
So amazing to hear this perspective and especially from an educated and enlightened female professional!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to champion this cause!
Love how she talks how being a dad is such an important role in there daughters life..👍👍👍👍
I cried ferociously throughout this... 🙏🏾💞
I feel better now that I know I am not the only one
One of the most amazing Ted talks that I have watch and heard . I am a single father , and as of yesterday I won my 3 1/2 year old in court full sile legal, physical custody . Bc I seen this video . Well done . And thankyou
I hope you had a tremendously good reason for separating a mother and child. You can't even imagine the damage done permanently to both
I 10000% agree with @Jess Watson... was going to mention the same thing, and call into question that your name is "venom"... Also let's please note, as I mentioned in a separate comment, that the speakers premise is false and not historically accurate. Men and fathers had a really bad reputation for a reason, not because women, finally given the chance to live an actual life with their own actual identity, started mean-girling them...
I agree with the pervading negative father stereotypes in media. Dads are very important in children's lives. Respect is sorely needed for fathers.
Just shared this. ..and I didn't grow up with a dad like this (he did redeemed himself years later but that's another story) but my daughters are. I read/heard somewhere years ago that the best thing a dad can do for his kids is to love and respect their mother and I couldn't agree more (it goes both ways, by the way). We have our disagreements and the kids often witness them but there is never shouting or name calling. We love and respect each other, we trust and believe each other and teach the kids the same.
I loved the talk and the videos in the end made me tear up. ..the only thing I didn't like that all but one dad were soldiers. Respect to all soldiers, and a thank you doesn't even come close to what they deserve, but civilian dads do deserve recognition as well.
Also, good that you and their mom model how to be respectful when disagreeing and resolving issues. Go dads and moms!
This brought tears to my eyes.
This video makes me wanna be a better dad. Thanks
Exactly you dads should act in better manner
Every dad should be looking up her (audio) book: "Meg Meeker - Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know"
As a father of 2 little girls, videos like this are invaluable to me. I had a father which was emotionally unavailable from drinking and I got to say that I am so blessed with this information along side of other strong men in my life to brake the chain in my family tree.
The speaker's premise that she built her talk on is wrong and not historically accurate, but can I just say thank you so much for what you have done in our world and in your family, and I don't even know you, but I appreciate you and thank you . Please please keep up the good work :)
Wow I have a 18 month old daughter and another daughter on the way I’m due any day now and I’m not with him he’s verbally & physically abusive he hasn’t helped me with my girls he doesn’t contact them or anything it’s like they don’t exist to him but his dad was the same way with him when he was little I pray he breaks that chain I wish my daughters had a loving father idk what’s his problem everything was good for awhile then went down hill what can I do so he can change and be a father to his daughters??
@@Reyna95176 Assuming you are serious, try to convince him to receive therapy. It's nothing to be ashamed of! :-)
A friend of mine pointed out a few weeks ago that my son's golf swing is almost identical to mine. When you superimpose them on top of one another they almost match identical, and I have never given him lessons once. So yes, kids definitely watch us to learn how to live life, whether or not it is something as small as a golf swing, or life changing
I bought her book (strong fathers, strong daughters) 14yrs ago when my daughter was born and it really helped me to be a better father, since my own father was absent and I was scared to death cause I had no idea how to be dad.... I can say she has turned out to be an exceptional young girl, an honor roll student and plans to go to med school! Not to say it was an easy journey, I chose to stay no matter hard some days were and wanting to quit. I think she knows what she is talking about here. Having an absent father made me make terrible choices and was into alcohol and jail and all that stuff but I styled up when I met my 1 and only wife of close to 20 yrs
Good talk. And didn't bring up the bad fathers out there, kept the main focus for the useful ones. Loved that.
Thank you Dr Meeker. Being Dad to my 3 daughters is the best and most important job I will ever have
I lost my dad when I was 21, I'm 34 now and still miss him everyday. My dad but also best friend was larger than life type and ran his own electrical contracting business, now I run my own thanks to all he taught me working with him before our time was cut short. The most important figure I've had thus far in my life.
When I entered the workplace, every time when I was close to crushing down because I didn’t know how to deal with those new situations or I wasn’t sure should I grab the opportunity my father was there. I am assured in my adulthood because of him. Until I got pregnant he was the person who I asked for most of advises entering adulthood.
It crushes my soul to see how fathers are being pushed down nowadays…
Fathers are SOOO important. A large % of children in the USA is now growing up in fatherless homes and it’s going to be devastating to our society in the future.
Kids need strong dads AND moms.
We have a saying where I come from: "A father is not defined by his seed, but by his love." A dad's job does not end at conception. A parent's job does not end at birth. It is only the beginning.
I am here because I have low self esteem, social anxiety and mild depression. I am trying to find out why. I want to know if my dad did it differently will it make changes.
When I was choosing my college major, I told my parents I thought of being a doctor, and they disagree. It’s not like they think I am incapable, but they think I should choose a ‘better’ career. So I gave up. I definitely agree that the influences of dad is extremely strong. However, I don’t think lack of respect is the reason. I am from Asian family and kids are taught to respect parents. Now I am still very lost and feel powerless about my life and future. I think the bonds between dads are daughters is more important
As a man who grew up without a constant father figure, I try to give my Daughter everything I never got as a child. I try to learn from his actions, or lack of, not follow his footsteps.
Not because of the fact that I'm a father, but this video so closely related to my own childhood development growing up, as my father was not a significant part of my life next to nothing, I struggled greatly, and I am determined not to repeat this issue with my own child!
Now college, society, media, schools , houses, candidates are bias against men. Great talk¡¡ Listen moms¡¡¡ dont take away the father of the kids¡ he has to be the heroe of your sons and daugthers. Maybe not for you, but surely for the good of them ....and the whole society.
I found myself in tears throughout this talk, tears of grief, tears of awe, and tears of inspiration! 🥰
Those 3 questions are bang on! I cried tears of grief for an emotionally absent father who answered those questions through his pain and trauma. I cried tears of pure awe and gratitude for the beautiful, loving and inspiring men in my life now at age 42 who are re-answering those 3 questions for my soul through a heart of love 🥰 And I am crying tears of inspiration as I ground myself in a new path I’m starting in my life of helping men reconnect with their hearts, reconnect with their souls, and in turn reconnect with those whom they love and who need them the most 🥰 Thank you with so much love Meg for the amazing, soulful ride your talk led me on💜🇨🇦
The views for this video speak volumes.
Only 154,216 since the year 2014, very sad.
I cried. That’s true, I thank God for my father’s words of affirmation in my life. He was not a perfect father but he always made sure that I was valuable and I could do anything. I always wanted to be like him and admired him as a little kid. Later on he went to jail and that kind of messed me up. He came out of jail 5 years later and for some reason I couldn’t receive his discipline since I wasn’t used to him anymore, I no longer had a relationship with him and felt that he couldn’t tell me anything. Anyway, later I had an encounter with God that completely changed my life and healed me from many things and one was father wounds. Despite everything I am thankful for all those years (and he still does it) that he was very loving, caring, his kind words because I never struggled with low self-esteem because of that.
Boy I hit the jackpot with my dad!! He passed away this last year and a minute doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him.😌❤️
PURE POWER, thank you❤️🤜🏼🤛🏼
Phenomenal! As a man who someday God willing hopes to be a father, I approve this message.
How do we help the good Dads unburden themselves from the guilt impressed on them so they can be their children's heros? Where is the TED talk for women to bolster the dads in their lives? This is a great talk, I want more!
I tell my boy friend all the time how important he is for our son. He’s not here yet but just knowing he will have a Dad there. makes me feel very blessed and that me and my son are lucky. My boy friend didn’t have his Dad and you can you see the difference but he turned out to be a good person but there is something missing from him I can see. I’m just happy that he here’s for us:)
Dads you are doing great !!! 👍🏼
I’m a Dad. Older … but wiser. I have a 5 year old daughter. Single parent … mom doesn’t care anymore. But when I see my little girl , the first thing I do is pick her up in my arms and tell her I love her. Then off to my home where we talk and play. And yeah… the other day she said “ daddy , you’re my hero ..”
I couldn’t believe it! I picked her up and told her once again that I loved her and will protect her always. : )
She smiled.
Very important message in 2021 more than ever!
I did not have a good relationship with my own dad. My husband is not the ideal father figure.
However, i do know that i am much better because i had a dad. This is specially so in South East Asia where social norms are much traditional.
My children are also better off because they have a dad.
Nobody is perfect and so am i.
I just try to emphasise their dad’s good traits while acknowledging the questionable ones.
Thanks for this wonderful talk.
Nobody wants to be minimised. Neither fathers nor mothers.
I wish I would have had the chance to tell them I am proud of them. This speaker is GOOD.
Thank you very much for talking about a subject that has been mocked and left unnoticed. You got my eyes sweating here as I fold clothes at the laundromat.
What a wonderful talk. thanks for the reminder that we need to bring respect for our parents back.
Dad bashing is a symptom of something even worse -- the war on masculinity that starts for many with the preference to give birth to a girl and not a boy. For the unfortunate our sons are then marginalized and betrayed by an educational system that fails to meet their physical, emotional and spiritual needs as boys. By the time high school, college and parenthood rolls around many men are already more ghosts of what they could have been if society had validated their worth and intrinsic goodness as men. As a dad of both a young boy and a slightly older girl I can assure you both my children will receive the unconditional love, support and guidance they deserve and I (and my wife) owe them as it was our conscious choice to bring them into the world. I can assure you the three questions the presenter asks concerning what all children need most from their dad will be answered honestly, consistently and lovingly. And masculinity -- from infancy to boyhood to adolescence to adulthood -- will be celebrated, not derided and mocked by people who are essentially afraid of the XY chromosome.
never thanked my pops for all the talks and all the wisdom he shared and now he is dead (i miss my old man so much)
Me too, now I am a Dad myself and I wish I could tell him I hope to be half the father he was.
@@CallMeMrX yes, i know what you mean
i honestly cant see me as a dad as good as he was
You you nailed it millions and millions and millions and millions of fathers need to listen to this this is a.i. wakening mr. Greg
A real positive tear jerker at the end! Whoo!
Im already in tears, before this moment.
I agree with this Lady, dads really help kids to become standup individuals in general. The stats on people in jail, teen pregnancies, suicide rates, drug addiction most people with these issues are FAR more prevalent in people that did not have their dad around.
This was perfect. Thank you.
I have been saying this for 30 plus years! Did not allow my sons to watch the shows that slammed dads, but the commercials and society and even some dads continue the slamming. This is spot on.
The ending had me in tears...
Thanks Pop!!!
The best TED talk I have seen in a long time.
We’ll done.
Honour thy Mother AND thy Father.
Dr. Meeker, THANK YOU!!! Outstanding!!!! ❤👍🏼
You made me cry. Beautiful and powerful. I am a father and a doctor and was moved by your books and talk. All power to you.
Great message! All Dads and moms should listen to this!
Finally someone with sense about Dads!
My dad grew up without a dad himself(my grandfather fell ill and died when my dad was young), he did indeed quit high school (despite his father's dying wish being stay in school) it's almost like a formula, no dad = no school. And while he was not perfect, he did his best. He was there. He often did not know what to do but at least he was present, and for that I am grateful :)
This is an excellent talk - even good Dads need to hear the affirmation.
If fatherhood is the most important thing I do in my life as a man: then the key question is not only how I father my sons, it is how I lead them into seeing that fathering will be a hugely important part of their future. On this journey boys get to entertain younger children and become leaders, inspirers, encouragers. The fruit is seen in adult praise and respect; as well as hero worship from the younger children.
A prequel thought is that fathers set the default norms for their sons so how we (Dads) behave to towards our sons will influence how they behave towards their sons. The mess ups I make with my sons ... may well be echoed onto my grandchildren in years to come. The effort to get it right pays dividends beyond the moment.
As someone expecting my first child soon, this gave me goosebumps and really resonated with me. Thank you for commenting
This is incredible truth all mothers on this planet needs to know this mr. Greg
That's right "put some respeck" on Dad's name!
maybe they should deserve it
Amazing!!! Awesome!! Brilliant! Game changing talk. Thank you!! This brought tears to my eyes and wisdom to my heart. Thank you!
Greetings, thanks for sharing. In tha last part is good to show others things that we Fathers do.
i am always thinking and worried about my daughters!!Always wanted a daughter and got two!!
thanks doc , open my eyes on a few prospectives .
I've been Dad bashed from my wife and kids for 20 years. I have always hated it, my kids now at 17 and 20 have very little respect for me and consequently we don't have a good relationship and my wife acts like the head of the family. My opinion counts for very little in my house! Great speech. Thanks.
It sounds horrible but the mother of mine ousted me very early. Her absence allowed me to cultivate a relationship with my kids built on bonding and mutual respect.
That said, child support, and family court is a prison sentence, I can do nothing own nothing, only be there.
Brilliant and important talk. Thank-you!
Massively important video, fantastic work. Seems to me like we have a huge shortcoming of present, loving, capable, protective fathers whose children feel safe, loved, and trusting in their father's ability to protect, guide, and nourish a child's healthy development. I find it absolutely amazing how influential a father can be on the fundamental psychology of a child. Really emphasizes the importance of continually growing as a parent and listening to talks like this!
I must disagree, there is no shortage nor shortcoming of great fathers, there is a culture that brings down a man's confidence as a father, a mothers awareness of the significance of the father and a child's expectation of a real father(not one of the media). There are truly great dads all over, they need to be empowered again. Parents both need to be empowered again as the peak of the child's rearing and education, as equals and as the guiding structure of their own children's lives and upbringing. This talk focuses on the Fathers, but never discredits Mothers. Please hear it with an open mind and clear vision to the configurations our society has conditioned us with.
the title say it all, we need a game changer, big time¡¡ great talk.
Wow this is the best TED talk I have ever watched. God bless you 🤧
I’m a 17 year old male and my biological father doesn’t give a damn about me. He never tells me he loves me, and he never even tells me that he likes me. He doesn’t even do anything to show that he loves or likes me. He rarely ever shows up to any of my CrossFit or Olympic weightlifting meets. I still live with him but can’t wait until I turn 18 because my senior year of high school ends a couple of days before I turn 18 and I’ll be able to finally live on my own.
GREAT Ted talk!! , Thank you Dr. Meeker, men and women need to hear more of this
They can! Look up her (audio) book: "Meg Meeker - Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know"
Nooo!What She was trying to say...is to blame... in this case the Parents...so do all Autists...Make a Problem out of nothing at all.
Despite of this,people can express Themselves on this important topic/\LPEACE
Wow this was an awesome talk
Great video. PREACH!!!
Excellent message shared on FB and Linkin
I couldn’t even watch the entire video, I was overfilled by senses of love and incredible inspiration. I’ve comprehended that l definitely right about parenting my two 5 and 7 years old daughters. So now, when I’ve written down my thoughts and have cooled, I’m gonna merely finish watching.
Thank you Tamara for sharing your wisdom, insight & personal experiences 🙂 I've worked with people with down syndrome & they are typically very empathic, sensitive & helpful. Every person is valuable & a gift from God. Medical personnel need to have more kindness & empathy & see each person as an important human being. God Bless 👼🌟
This video makes absolute sense and it's true that we women do bash up our men a lot!
One of the best TED talks
Few of Great ted talks
I'm working right now, and in the midst of a pretty harsh custody battle. My father passed away when I was 11 years old as well, giving me great respect for fighting to be there for my daughter. But I only knew a small amount about the effect my father had on me as a man, and have always wondered about a daughters experience with a father who cares for them and takes pride in their relationship. I sometimes have trouble knowing what that looks like, and always kinda figured the portrayals on culture today have it wrong. I am sobbing. This did a lot for me. And only furthered my passion to fight to always be there for my daughter and to be the best at what is and will be the greatest achievement of my life: Fatherhood.
Its a great inspiration that we can lead a very good family life....
Wow! Powerful talk!
absolutely amazing
Thank you "Mrs Beautiful Mind" you just got catapulted another dad up on cloud nine! That should be a "must see" for every father! I consider this as probably the most important lesson I got being a father.
Thank you!
I can’t express how important my dad is to me. If I can be 1/4 of the man my dad is.. I know my kids are going to be ok. He knocked that one out the park. This is why it’s important for society to challenge men to accountability in all fronts. Women really need to consider who they partner with to conceive a child. When you have one.. it’s no longer about you. Make sure both parties are willingly prepared to sacrifice, learn, and most importantly love.
Mid-divorce, 8 yr old boy and 10 yr old girl. My ex's mother treated her dad like he was worthless, for countless years. Lo and behold, she and her sister lived and live in chaos, and my ex treated me in a similar fashion. My parents, still together, a model for the "perfect" marriage, and myself and my two younger sisters are all confident, successful adults.
Wonderful Video with great lesson 👏🏻👏🏻
ALL Y'ALL MAKE MY HEART SO FRICKIN'HAPPY! THANK you!🤗
Some people don’t want physical affection from their dad. Also I have to be honest I grew up with a very very physically abusive stepfather/dad and it would’ve been better for him to not have been in the home at all
Great video. Thank you
This video is so on point!
I have no words it’s perfect ❤️
Excellent.