How to Stop People From Taking Advantage of You
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- čas přidán 7. 09. 2024
- It does NOT feel good to be advantage of, manipulated or coerced or controlled by guilt. And many of you are letting it happen because you don't know why it's happening or how to make it stop.
In today's episode of Good for Me TV, I tell you about why people are taking advantage of you, and what you can do to get them to stop taking advantage of you.
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Spot on. Isn't it interesting that if we don't set boundaries (IOW, we're too nice) we end up angry and not nice?
Right? Ironic isn't it?
Yes and always having to hold yourself back! It's so tiring. No more!
@@juliakristinamah has been
@@juliakristinamah has been
And I always they for everyone but when it comes too mee
I discovered most of my friends were only around because I was a yes person. They all disappeared when I set boundaries. It's made me very wary of having friends now. It's easier not to. It hits your self esteem hard when people are only around for what you can do for them rather than for who you are
Dolly, not everyone is like that. After you've had some time to heal, if you can, do try and get out there and make new friends. Sending you love!
What I've experienced is when my Boundaries are Clear They Disappear.
Dolly bird thats a test to who your true friends really is
That's the truth! I know Exactly what you are talking about. I don't have many people I allow in my small circle. Besides family and very few friends. As my experience, I am only for others convenience. Now, I went from having only 2 friends to None. It's been that way for about 3 years now. And I'm Perfectly Fine with That. One was a childhood friend. The other was a friend of 10 years. They both, at separate times got angry or offended by what I did or said. My childhood friend got so upset that I was getting married, come to find out she had been chasing after him, and she told me that if I married him , no she wouldn't be my maid of honor and our friendship would be over. She Walked away. And I Let Her Walk away. As she did, I Turned My Back and I still Haven't Turned back Around for her. And the other friend, she just got angry over what I don't know and I have not spoken to her since. Now, my family.... They take advantage of me so bad, which is my only child and son, 34 years old. I have to support him Completely. I wish I could walk away but I can't. And setting boundary's??? Ha! I have many times but it's never done any good. He says he will continue to do as he does. And he does. I'm just tired. And mentally scarred. I don't want my life anymore.
There are still good people out there! The people who took advantage of you being a yes person weren't worth your time anyway so you just filtered the bullshit out of your life👍🏼
Learning to say no os one of the best ways to prevent people from taking advantage of you.
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS ...and set boundaries which is why people keep disrespecting or taking advantage.
Absolutely!
@@kilipaki87oritahiti Yes!
When you say no they get mad
And they will still expect you to explain why you said no
Recently realized that saying no causes me so much anxiety. I was always available to everyone. Found myself in one sided relationships and friendships. I have betrayed myself on so many levels and it's all caught up with me now that I feel taken advantage of, depleted and resentful. Finally becoming aware and accepting that deep down because of my childhood I am afraid of abandonment and rejection. This is all compounded by the fact that I am an empath and highly sensitive person. Now to the hard part, working on healthy boundaries that I have never have.
Omg I feel this so much
How have your last 2 years been since this comment? 🌷
You sound very similar to myself in many ways. I realised a few years ago I was a people pleaser and wasn’t even aware of it. Got rid of some useless people from my life now, but relatives feel I am closing everyone off, but that is not the case. I am tired of being used to someone else’s advantage and it being normalised covertly. I have this problem right now with my colleague at work and it’s a little tricky to address without blowing the lid straight off to address it. It’s being actively worked on and will be executed soon.
My wife is my rock and my best friend, most of the others are either fake or need something from me you know. It’s tough when you come to these realisations and you have to accept them. Good luck and I hope it works out for you 👍🏻
Relatable
NO Will F U Up ..
Watch Jim Careys "Yes Man" movie ..
It shows Comically that "SAYING YES OR NO" IS an Invite for SELF TOURTURE ..but HEY! .. Life ISNT all Roses if you have never Smelt One ...
FOLLOW THE SCENT .. "NOT" the Smell is my advice
..
I never set boundaries with my best friend because I was afraid of losing her. Funnily enough, when it became too much and I set boundaries, she got pissed. Lol it was for the best and I’m much happier for it but damn, really goes to show I should have listened to myself years ago.
This happened to me with an ex best friend. She stated that she could treat me however she wanted bc I let her. That is where I drew the line. I set boundaries and defended my actions, and I never heard from her again. It has been over 15 years since I saw her. I am doing much better without her. I am more successful, I am happier and I don’t miss her at all.
When I finally sat down and honestly examined why I wasn't setting up a boundary with people who were treating me with no regard for my boundaries I realized the excuse I was using for not settling that boundary was that "They're acting badly enough when they're getting what the want, so they'll act even worse when I DO set that boundary." Finally they just kept pushing me so far that I HAD to set down that boundary. Turns out I was right, they did act even worse when the boundary went down and they didn't get what they wanted. The beautiful thing was that I really didn't care at that point how badly they started acting. I set that sucker down and stopped worrying about their behavior.
GOOD for you Laura - this is HUGE!
I recently just did the same. Good to read your comment. 🙂
Need to do the Same.
Did any of them stay friends with you?
One of the common traits of highly successful people - they say NO to almost anything, and YES to only the things they really like and love and can benefit from (I know this is kinda out of the topic here but, ahmmm I’m just sayin)
Not off topic AT ALL! Highly successful people have fierce boundaries and don't apologize for them. My business really started to take off when I started saying no more.
Julia Kristina Counselling ❤️
Julia Kristina Counselling thanks Julia. Looking forward to your next video. Take good care as well.
Benmc good point, its part of the topic
Julia Kristina Counselling
I said yes too much,
I got taken advantage of and just about lost everything, I lost my Buissness
My rage is killing me
I ended 3 friendships because they were extremely manipulative friends and just not good genuine ppl and it feels amazing.
This is good.i have said all the above.but now I set boundaries because people will do whatever you allow..even children
Yup! It's not their job to set our boundaries for us.
I lost lots of opportunists when I said NO. It was hard at the beginning, because I lost who I believed to be FRIENDS, but then I was relieved. It is a big relief really to remove these people from your life.
Thank you
When I started saying no I had some tell me that I had changed. I replied that I hope I was changing! We do treat people how to treat us. When we keep doing the same old thing it serves a purpose like you said. We get something from it. Took me years to get that but now I do. Of course certain family members label me “over sensitive” because I now speak up when something bothers me. I also found that I lost some so called friends along the way....that’s ok because some were users. I value my mental health because it definitely affects physical health. They go hand in hand. Thanks again for another great video!
Same with me. I had some say I had changed and some went as far as to say I'd become 'kind of a bitch' because I had stopped saying yes to everything. I'd get "what's happening with you, you're not your old self these days" but really what they meant was my behaviour had become inconvenient for them because I was their 'go to' for everything. They could plan a holiday and know that I'd be the one to watch their pets or kids, so I wouldn't even get advance notice. I was ridiculous....I allowed it. My family, who are used to my so-called 'difficult' HSP behaviour, are back to calling me a pain in the neck...different....nonconforming...not willing to follow the group quietly and happily etc. They're not used to me putting myself first I guess....and no one is to blame for that except me. Now, like you, I value the well being of my mental and physical health more than just pleasing others. Best of health to you!
I love this so much - especially the part when you said "I hope I'm changing!" So good for you SandramA Heynemana
Julia Kristina Counselling thank you! 😀
That's so true. When you set boundaries they say you've changed in a way that they hate that you've changed. Especially family members tend to say that when they know they can't take advantage of you anymore. Change is always good.
sks bc I totally relate. I hate the “group think” now you know
This really hit home. Thank you. Healing starts now.
Yes!! So glad it connected donisa.
You are great and your energy is wonderful! Thank you for your encouragement❤️
I had to learn it wasn't other people's job to set our boundaries for us. Its our responsibility.
I have a friend that calls quite often and is in , " Crisis Mode". It can be very draining. I have just learned to turn the phone off and take time for myself. All your videos are wonderful. My 20 year old daughter enjoys them as well.
Yes! We don't have to be available to everyone all the time. We're not 7 Eleven!
@@juliakristinamah Love It hahaha....we have P.O. Box mailing addresses where I live and my P.O. Box # actually is 711 but that doesn't mean that I am a 711
"I appreciate you thinking of me, but unfortunately I'm not available."
"I appreciate you thinking of me, but unfortunately I'm unable right now to give the time and effort this deserves."
I'm sad to say that I lost 3 close people in my life last year, when I had to set boundaries. All pretty serious issues that I did my best to handle well , but nonetheless, my choices were not what they wanted. I still don't regret my choices. but's been hard. Maybe they were used to me being a rug to be walked on. and they assumed that I'd let them take my property, my income and my time and energy. Not anymore. I was as gracious as I could be though, while saying no. I'm still dealing with the disappointment.
It is REALLY hurtful when we discover people only love us for our yes. Sending you strength and love Sarah.
Thank you. Your video's are super good and helpful....I appreciate you!
I cried while watching this. I'm so tired of being used by family. I'm tired of being nice. Time for me to be a selfish jerk.
Me too, I just want to run away from home.
Why only extremes? You can be kind and look after yourself. Sometimes you have to show them that they need to respect your boundaries.. I've got family that try and walk all over me if I let them.
I disliked your comment because of the selfish jerk part. If you truly believe that is the only option here is to become a self-centered, immoral asshole who doesn't care about anyone else, then you strike me as not a very hopeful individual.
Listen to me. I don't give a fuck that you're being used by your family. That's THEM, not YOU. You don't have to be selfish jerk in order to follow your own principles and actions, and you certainly don't have to follow your family's no matter how asinine they can be. If the rest of your family is as dysfunctional as you made it sound, you are the one who will have to make an effort to fix the dysfunction and influence your family members to do better. That's not being selfish, that's being assertive.
Now if you post a comment stating that you will not become a selfish jerk, but instead you will see what you can do to fix the issue(s) regarding your family since your family won't do it, I will like your comment. This will tell me that you have a strong spirit and that you are brave enough to confront problems when they arise.
This is all the more reason why I am becoming an introvert because people are always wanting to take advantage of me! This way I don't have to deal with anybody that is wanting to take advantage of me!
Even turtles 🐢 inside their shells 🐚 get taken advantage of. It is the DECISIONS you make that make the difference. Hope this helps.
@@dani323 I don't believe a word of what you are saying! No one has control over someone else's decisions on how they may treat a person. The only thing that you can control is to physically remove yourself from the person who is mistreating you! Most people are not loving or kind, but hostile and aggressive. Therefore, the most logical thing to do is remove yourself from people. Becoming an introvert is not a bad thing! It protects you from people's harm and abusive behavior. The analogy of the turtle being taken advantage of is a very poor one! Human beings are NOT turtles! We are far more complex than they are! Most predators refrain from hunting turtles for food because of their natural protection against predators! They are so difficult to eat, predators typically will leave turtles alone! The best protection against predatorial people is to remove and detach yourself from people period! People have a fallen nature, so becoming an introvert and avoiding people is the BEST solution to protecting yourself from abusive relationships!
My family has always made me feel rejected when I was a kid so yes. I do feel that way often.
YES I FEEL LILE PEOPLE WILL REJECT ME IF I SAY NO
They are gonna reject u anyway :)
some will .. I know .. But > I also Now Know who deserves my yes .. not anyone who rejects me when I say no .. that's for sure.
I wouldn’t
@@abeerrahman7330 right eventually they will reject
The most challenging thing is when you have people in your life that actually get upset when you set boundaries and their love depends on the "yes," not as a perception or a fear the head, as a well known and express fact.
Specially when is someone so close that you can't just take them out of your life and talking doesn't change anything because they don't have any problem being that way, in fact, they think they have that right over you just because they decided so.
😕 Not complaining, I already learned how say no, but is more challenging indeed, because you have to accept they are going to be upset and angry, but that's their decision and you have to go on with your life.
I agree, I especially find this with family members because it's not just a matter of walking away from them later. It can be quite stressful when family is upset with you....I know, I'm there right now, but I'm standing my ground. Hopefully, if we stand our ground long enough, these people will learn to respect us more?
@@sksbc3895 Exactly, totally feel you! Really hope that works, with the help of resilience and patience... a lot of patience... ☺ 🙏
@@sksbc3895 yes, they are protesting because you are changing the dynamic on them. Give them time, and stand your ground - they will likely eventually come around.
@@juliakristinamah Mine didn't. My "family" became more aggressive, and I've experienced the same thing at work, and with Neighbors also becoming more aggressive with me because I've said no, or said that I couldn't do something. How dare I say "No" to anything, and how dare I stand up for myself. I've been completely alone for 12 years now, and unemployed for the last 5.5 years because of health issues due to being bullied and having PTSD. It's really, really sad that people can't behave decently and in a civil manner towards others.
...I agree when we push back and disagree or just answer with NO especially Family will run you down and no longer responds in favorable ways...if Your not THE HELP or YES PERSON! But I’m looking forward to the outcome in seeing every sibling and their extended family members strive towards DOING FOR THEMSELVES and Trusting their futures to Our creator and their Own decisions.
I struggle with saying no because I fear people will think I am a lazy, incapable, and inconsiderate, which would make them upset and not like me. I am learning to accept how they feel about my nos because it is not my job to make other people happy, and to learn to prioritize my health and well being. Thanks Julia!
thanks for this comment. i was always accused of being lazy and ungrateful so that may be why i became a yes person
Yes, absolutely I have/had a problem with saying no if someone wants something from me, for fear that they won't like me or will feel I'm self-centred. Being an HSP myself, this can be really tough for me. I'm on it though, working hard to set boundaries that I didn't have in the earlier half of my life. My Mom was the same, rarely saying no to anyone. It's true though, some people will and do reject you, but to be honest, looking back I can see that they weren't true friends in the first place but rather opportunists and manipulators. This still saddens me but I think I'm handling it a little better these days. Your videos have been very helpful to me this way...thanks! :) You've reminded me of the old days when girlfriends would call to complain about their relationships and keep me on the phone for hours listening to their problems....to which I would give my best advice... only to have them call back and rehash over and over again... but I didn't have it in me back then to say "I don't have time right now". They would call because they knew I was the one who would take a chunk out of her day to just listen to their drama and complaints. I was the "Yes Girl" that they could depend on. Guess what? Now that I know how to set boundaries, most of those friends have moved on! Which is ok.. who wants to absorb all that drama into their lives anyway? Not me! :)
So good for you! Healthy boundaries are everything.
I found myself in the same place 😔. Working on my way out.
Nick Lio i hear you! How are you today?
😊
Exactly went thru the same thing just today
I am a people pleaser and I agree with you completely about having the fear of being rejected.
I finally spoke up about what I didn't like and I set a boundary. I'm proud of myself. This is the first step to healthy friendships!
I've definitely been taken advantage of. Especially at jobs. I'm seen sort of as the do-gooder, 'the one that actually works' , 'the yes person' basically...and I find myself doing practically all of the work while my coworkers just sit and gossip or look at their phones..The funny part is if *I* was sitting and doing nothing/going on my phone I would get in trouble...but if my coworkers do it...so what??!
Unfair treatment at work is the toughest. I don't want my bosses to think that I can't do it, but it would be nice to get some help once in a while.
Maybe it pays to be a slacker sometimes....Being too hard a worker, you get punished for it, for some reason. Weird. :/:/:/
Tbh I’ve never had a positive experience when setting boundaries. The last time I tried, the person decided to attack not only me but my business, friends, and family.
I feel personally called here during the entire video. I'm going figure out how to say no today. Seriously hate being taken advantage of. Thank you for the enlightening video.
I been scared that people wouldn't like me if I say no. But its time to be selfish. Being Selfish isn't being Weak. I am aloud to say No. But need to be strong enough too. There is fear of standing up for yourself. It isn't good for your health. Very good video. Thank you. I am a Sensitive/Empath. I feel that gets taking advantage of.
So many of the boundary issues originate from poor parenting. The messages about our value as human beings that our family communicates to us when we are the most defenseless and vulnerable.
100% true
I'm finally learning to set healthy boundaries and respecting myself along the way 😊
Yes, Sylvia, yes, yes, yes!!!
My dad constantly bullies me and I am really glad I found this video. Thanks so much!
An elderly lady in my apartment complex is starting to try and get me to take her everywhere. Just met her a few days ago and already it's starting up..
Reading the comments I realize how important this video is. Thank you! I would just want to add that sometimes there is another aspect involved. If you are rised by immature and selfish parents, they demand that you obey to their will and devote your life to pleasing them. As a child saying no is not an option, and can even be life threatening. As adult you have to work hard to overcome that built- in fear.
My heart and my mind cannot comprehend the concept of people wanting to take advantage of me. That is why I am often taken advantage of. I am the better person 😊
Almost cried listening to this...so on point with how I am and how I feel interacting with others.
Thank you.
In the past, I have always been a yes person. However, recently I am learning to say no to people and it is getting much easier to say no.
When setting my boundaries for others I've found the "F" word really helps......just saying!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
No I am not worried about people not liking me if I say no or even disagree with me.
This video really hit home for me. At my job we are short staffed and just found out they are also increasing our duties and responsibilities. I'm one of the most experienced and senior people at my job so everyone's also looks go me for help. We also have a lot of new staff that are still learning and being trained. So I feel extremely stressed! I talked to my boss about it and she says she will try and get someone to work overtime, but so much more is needed. I'm worried that if I'm in charge and something goes wrong I will be responsible! I'm already overworked! I plan and saying, "I'm not able to do that" if someone asks me to perform one of these extra tasks. I will see what happens. It's not my responsibility to solve the staffing problem. Wish me luck!
If you over perform, they can under perform. No matter your well-being is compromised. Physically or mentally.
And they don't pay you more money . Don't don't let them get away with that.
Great video! I grew up in an environment where there weren’t any boundaries. I’ve been learning how to take care of myself and setting boundaries with people is part of that. I can say no, but usually feel guilty afterwards.
April, the thing that's going to keep us from sitting in and struggling with that guilt is building our relationship with ourselves.
So many people have only loved me for my yes! When I say no, that person always blows up and I no longer have a friend
As a mostly-former people-pleasing yes person, the practice of setting healthy boundaries and preserving margins for the unexpected have been so freeing! Thanks for this great video Julia!
Thank you my friend!
My biggest problem is not really saying no, or saying what I dont wan't or like but that my close family members get upset and feel sorry for them self when I say no and don't respect it- and then I feel guilty and like this BAD person.
I see a girlfriend having the same problem, saying no to her grown-up son, who never respects it!
I feel I loose power everytime I let someone Walk over me.
Thank you for great inspiration. And great to watch this the same day that my girlfriend and I just agreed to support each other in setting bounderies
Yes to all of this!! So good.
All of the above! Its part of me to love helping people... I am very enthusiastic by nature, and when people tell me their projects I am instantly happy for them and eager to help! BUT... I have learned the hard way that yes, good people can take advantage of me if I don't say no. I am afraid to appear selfish. That's the one that it's the strongest fear I have. But also, my best friends don't mind to hear "no". My family members, on the other hand (husband included), will push me so much even if I am telling them straight that I don't want to do things. I don't even understand why people would want me to be there for them almost like a "doll", knowing it is not making me happy. I keep trying to escape but still do things out of obligation. And yes, it makes me physically ill, to be there "for them". Something to work on, Julia :)
This is not good... especially your husband needs to respect your no... it's very important.. you have to do this for yourself..
I am an empath and have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no. Very good video. You are brilliant
Yes. I have absolutely avoided saying no, setting boundaries and being honest about my feelings because of fear of rejection. And you know what, the day came that I had to start saying no and within 6 months most long term friends were gone. I learned a valuable lesson. Be true to your feelings and communicate your boundaries from day one. You see these long term friends met a whole new person when that change took place in Me and they didn't like it. From now on I'm honest about me and ready to accept the fact that some won't like it but I will know who my true friends are.
Yes, yes, yes!! Love this so much. Did you see the quote in IG I did about just this last week? Here's the link - it's a goodie! instagram.com/p/Bp5YbanByV6/
I'm in a roommate situation, and she is very sloppy in common areas, and does not do ANY housework, none.
So I tried talking to her, got a blank stare, she said not one word. So I'm very resentful, I know the stress is terrible. Today, it's been 4 days that she's left dirty dishes in the sink and oven. I'm tired and at end of my rope as I'm not her momma. She is 48 yrs old so she definitely knows better.
So I'm saving money to move, stat.
Last week I told him NO. I won't have it anymore and walked away for good. I feel so empowered now ❤ I got my self respect back
I felt like I been taken advantage of my whole life causes me extremely bad depression. I noticed they only stick around if u give give give.
True story...
A guy told me to my face, "I'll love you forever if you never tell me No"...He then asked me to do something soon after that I said no to and I felt awful for saying no. I could tell he was upset that I said no to but I did because it was something my dad told me to never do for anybody no matter who it is. The more I sat with that statement the more uneasy it made me. BUT being a people pleaser I kept quiet about it but its always been in the back of my mind. This video has really hit home with me & shine t things I've dealt with.
I'm no longer going to disrespect myself by not setting and adhering to boundaries. I like making others happy but I deserve happiness too.
Thank you for this information, I needed it!!
@Ken Richard I don't know if he was a sociopath but I'm so glad I'm no longer with him anymore & he finally moved out. I feel like I can breath again.
Excellent topic, definitely pertains to how I feel.
Really grateful it connected Julie.
I have felt that way yes! Confession . I have been scared people wouldn’t like me if I said no. I don’t want to seem mean.
Folks, comes crunch time, our “no” will be tested so let’s be firm with it (no wavering unless it’s a matter of life and death , hehehe) Thanks!!
Yes sir!!
Julia Kristina Counselling ❤️🥂
I had some people who took advantage of me. It makes me angry. I had a friend one time who turned out to be a fake friend. She also tool advantage of me also. I didn't trust her anymore. Toxic people manipulate and take advantage of other people. I avoid toxic people. Thanks Julia. Good video
Thankyou - I have just done this in a counselling session with someone and I went an hour and a half over time for them and they didn't pay me. I was very drained. They also then texted me further questions demanding further time as I was trying to get down time that evening. It was also Christmas Day. I felt so angry afterwards - upset and used and abused. I'm far too compassionate but expect a quid pro quo but didn't get it - this is someone who calls themselves my 'friend' so it hurt the most - I also feel a dumb dumb as I now feel that the 'friendship' is to use me to the max.
My favorite definition of "love" is: to will the good of the other, *as other.* "As other" meaning for the sake of the other, _not_ for the sake of then expecting something in return---without conditions. Another way to say it is: to will a person's good for _their_ sake _alone._
We all deserve authentic love. We all deserve to immerse ourselves with only the style of people who genuinely "will our good" for *our* sake, and, of course, those who choose to include _us_ in _their_ lives deserve the same.
My parents groomed me to from age 6 to be their slave, I’m saying no at 69. It took me a lifetime to stop trying to prove I’m capable. People knew I was very capable, took advantage, so I gave my power away always thinking I had to prove myself. I was a single parent.
People pleasing highly sensitive was my name. Carrying paternal molestation was a big part of my shame. Losing jobs to run to mommy dearest to her every demand, despite her dismissing my father’s abuse as long as she had the upper hand. I feel failure to which I lived. To everyone else, my life I would give. To me happiness is elusive, I know not how for me to create. At 69 I feel it is now so very tooo late. I also failed at ending my breath. Could not even do that little kind gesture for me. So I sit here writing that nothing you say will set me free.
I thank you for such deep insightful teachings. I have mostly been a yes person. I am actually a shell of myself. I wish I got this training from my youth. My family has just been misusing and exploiting me. I am an empty shell. Now,I know I dont blame them. I blame myself
I needed this video. I live with my boyfriend and his family. I have been the only one working and keeping up with the house and I'm very angry and resentful. I used to not let people walk on me but here I am. I know I need to start saying no but I have no idea how. I hate drama and conflict and I know as soon as I say no it's going to be well why? I do stuff for you so why can't you? They enjoy conflict and fighting with each other and I rather not be attacked. Should I just say no and say I don't need a reason?
Why are you living with your boyfriends family? Get your own place. And let your boyfriend visit you when he gets a job. Nobody is loving you let alone respect you.
Tell them you do this because you can!😀
I am ready to challenge my life by standing up saying no and keeping my boundaries
Damn my heart beat was racing at the speed of light while watching this video half way through out of anger and remembering my past friends and family.
I am so glad I am not in contact with anyone of those toxic friends and families anymore.
I am working really hard on knowing myself & practising in front of mirror.
Thx Julia Kristina for these videos. I subscribed to your channel. ❤️
These are the things every father & mother should teach to their kids.
Yes! I agree with it becoming part of your identity. When people started helping me after I set boundaries, I got really scared that I will be erased.
this hit home.. wow! thank you
So, so grateful it connected - thanks for taking the time to let me know!
This is good info Julia... seeing people as they are in a nonjudgmental way is not easy... this isn't to say that we should be dry and mechanical... however, conditioning our minds to see people as processes in action in the moment and also seeing our own process in action as we engage with people in the moment gives us new options to prevent people from continually taking advantage of us.... Spot on. Love your channel.
Hey Adrian, it is so NOT easy seeing people in a non-judgmental and thus becoming non-defensive is hard, right? I often have to remember and say to myself "this is not about me, this is not about me!" Sometimes while gritting my teeth. lol
Very well said! You have touched on the fact that much of the quilt that drives our day-to-day decision-making, can be founded in the details of being manipulated by others. Repetition caused by many years of conditioning has blurred the lines where genuine happiness and repetitive abuse can exist. I have found that just saying NO.. to my loved ones. many times is manipulated by the phrase "You are so selfish." I have some big fundamental changes to work on! This is a much bigger problem than I have been willing to face as there are childhood connections to this condition.
Thank you for your amazing videos! This one really hit home!
I have recently started standing up for myself and said NO to my in-laws.
& giving other people's responsibilities back to them!
It's not mine! I didn't create it & it's not my fault! I'm not a bad person for saying no!
Thank you these videos have really been helping me!
Told my brother off one day as he’s tried to get too involved with my money/career and he has never once paid a bill or lived with him or anything, I told him you’re not my counselor. Suddenly he doesn’t want to talk to me as much because he doesn’t get a power trip
No problem with speaking up. In fact, I enjoy it.
uczepiły się mnie zaburzone prymitywne zazdrośnice zdolne do każdej podłości przez co na co dzień muszę mierzyć się z goslightingiem hejtem i stalkingiem na co też tam gdzie żyję jest przyzwolenie.. a internet daje ogromne możliwości i zasięg....najpierw kryminalizują cwaniary taką osobę wymyśla różne horror story lub jakieś uzależnienia i zaburzenia żeby nikogo to nie raziło a wręcz żeby mógł każdy dołączyć....w życiu nie myślałam że mając ponad 40 lat będę musiała coś takiego przechodzić....dziękuję za wskazówki bo dzisiaj ratują mi życie:)
I’ve always wanted to be that person to help others but I do have a strong personality too and finally did tell my mom to stop telling me others people’s problem and that she should help them if she wants to. I’m glad I realized that on my own but I do feel your videos are very helpful and help me to understand why and how to deal with things in a mindful way.
Thanks Juliana. I guess I just could not admit it but I am the person who likes the idea of people always seeking me out for help because I confuse it with being "of value." At the same time I hate it because I am afraid that if I say no I will be seen as selfish and no one will be willing to help me. You are amazing. Thanks!
It is a tough little pickle we put ourselves in! Glad the vid connected.
I have one are and fast rule in my life... if I find out that someone takes advantage of òthers, I'll stay away from them forever...quality is more important than quantity when it come to those you let into your life
I Have learned That I Do The Very Best I Can Daily and When Problems Occur I Deal With Them!
I was used again by a friend with a favor and I was so upset when they took advantage of my kindness that I took a shower to cool off randomly found your channel lol you were so right!! I texted them how I didn’t appreciate how they treated me. I was not rude at all. I felt so much better getting it off my chest. And they have lost out now on a friend that was willing to help them.
Thank you for the question
exactly. I feel like it's not only a fear of rejection but also a fear of them not trying to understand my point of view or treat me with the same respect, and I'm not good w confrontation so it just makes me wanna avoid it all together.
I have gotten rid of toxic folks who act this way, only want yes. No more!😊
I set boundaries by "Excell table". In one column I said "why is important to me", in other "what I should do". I'm human being, I make mistake, everybody does. If you have a problem tell me "what's I should do to solved it". If don't have a answer, that person may manipulate me, and I don't trust him anymore. I begin to question his good behavior it might be manipulative
yeah I'm completly done now. I've voulenteered for the last year and a half helping people who struggle with their mental health through covid. Last week I lost my phone temporarily so I wasn't available as usual. The backlash I received shocked me so much (shocked me that I was right because I knew deep down that would happen). This is my time now, I need to take care of myself which really doesn't come naturally.
Its like you can read my mind. Thank you
You hit the nail on the head with this one. You explained my relationship with my mom to the t. Unfortunately l did have this conversation with her and she did disown me.
The money not worth your well-being and self respect. If she can't treat you with your best interests at heart and she hurts you,then stay on your path and be healed, and don't let her get under your skin.
I'm happy with the comment section to know that I am not the only one going through the thing. Though we people need improvement I'm happy that I can share my distress with some other people too.
Wow - I prided myself in never nagging my husband, but I see that my passive aggressive traits have turned into guilting my kids into action & I DO NOT want them to do anything bc I made them feel guilty! I'm going to try super hard not to do that anymore. Also, I've had the sad experience of having "friends" dump me bc I can no longer say yes & be the same person I was 5 years ago (bc of a condition I have that is degenerative). What a psychological adjustment to suddenly lose those friendships - I am learning to not be hurt by that & move on with more important stuff!! :)
Amy, I can imagine how hurtful that must be. It's hard when we realize friends are much more fairweather than we were expecting. Sending you so much love and strength!
@@juliakristinamah Thanks, yes - not expecting fairweather friends at the adult phase of life! However, now I do know who I can really count on & I'm OK with some people not "drinking my kool aid" lol
Yes, these are so true. I've felt like this a lot! I so need to be able to implement these in some way, that's not going to offend someone. 🤔
I was so seriously raised to be polite and that you do what your boss tells you, that I don't even know if I'm afraid of not being liked, versus just being a bad person. It's so weird. You are right about how you say being the go-to person is something some people like. To me it was simply what nice people do. They help others. IT's taken a long time for me to see that being that person doesn't necessarily get you friends.
Recently a borderline narcissistic boss, has given me the opportunity and motivation to learn more about myself. I was being way too nice and helped him TOO much. However he did things like pay me extra cash for favors (don't worry, I don't mean sexual!), but he started assuming I would never say no. He even started to make jokes about it that weren't so funny. I did allow it to make me feel like a shell of my former self.
I stood up to him a few months ago, and boy did I get him nervous.
Also I used to be scared of my father when I was growing up. I yelled at him in my car when he tried to tell me how to drive.
In both cases, I set these guys running! They didn't leave me. I DO think they respect me more now! HAH! I LOVE IT!
But I need more sessions. I still get nervous. I don't want to lose my winning streak!
If a person doesn't know their rights yeah, they might be taken advantage of. It's important to know what you're entitled to, what you want and what you don't want and be Resolute about it.
Love the video. It makes all the sense in the world and it touches many of us empaths. Fortunately I had to put up barriers, lose my filter, and not answer the door or the telephone. I realize being nice has a price
Thanks for sharing Gabrielle - really glad it resonated with you.
@@juliakristinamah your videos are great. I usually watch and learn from other videos, but I Come Away not really understanding what parts to actually implement. Your videos are cohesive and concise . There are no gaps to be filled by the viewer, there's nothing left to the imagination. I'm a subscriber now
Hello, Julia. I’m glad I met your video. English wasn’t my first language, I’ve had situations like that. And I don’t how to speak out and how to handle that. It made me down. Your videos help me a lot.
I have been facing this for years and I have learnt that I should not fear to say No. it’s a good thing to set boundaries. Thanks Julia. I’m inspired. 🙏
Thank you very much for your self help information for people who have been used to the extent that they have nothing left for themselves as I have been in my life of trying to figure out how to acquire friends with everything I have to use for, your exactly right 👍 I don't need people who are fake to me and 🤔 that is an indication that all you need is.... yourself ✅
I just say, there's a limit in helping them and it's only temporary anyway if I like it!
Oh yes, I have been & am a person who has a problem with saying no to people & friends recently because I am afraid of not being liked & I am afraid they will get mad at me. Just recently learned the word no & how to use it more often plus I have also learned how to let people & friends know that they have to leave at a certain time & not use my apartment as a crash pad, & letting them know that they can't any longer take advantage of me anymore. Although sometimes it bothers me to say no because of fear of not being liked & people & friends being mad at me It also feels real good for me to use the word no alot more often than saying yes, It is actually helping me to learn & set more boundaries too. I also just last night put a note on my door to keep some other people out as well. I hope the note idea is good idea because I remember when I use to watch my Dad write notes and put them on his door and it worked. I Loved it.
sooo right about that "go to"person .. > I WAS her .. until I got sick .. Seriously ill .. broken back .. strokes .. > Those who Used me. .. were Not there for me and Many got angry at me
*Years gone by now .. They're gone .. I'm better .. and better every day.
**I recall walking by a bosses office once hearing him say ""ask Linda .. she nevers says no" > It was then I Got that 'they'weren't asking me because they Liked me... :O
I said no .. but took it back. That was in the early 80's > Took the broken back... a fire .. couple mini strokes and a bad tbi for me to "get it"'
Empath .. now saying "no"..
How do I say "no" now? > No.
Been listening to a bunch of these. Setting my boundaries that was hard, I’m a people pleaser. A man I dated ended up homeless in winter, has lived with me ever since, total passive/aggressive behavior so hard!!!
So I usually don’t leave comments but yes sista 👏👏👏I just keep saying preach the whole time and then people blame others for being taken advantage of like how does that work also I wanted to add that people who feel this way essentially sees everyone in the world as good and this is not a realistic trait to have because the world is full of down right evil 👿 people
As I'm getting older I'm more into saying no and setting my boundaries straight .so this video will enforce my decision to say no and stand up for myself....whether they don't like me for it or walk away.who cares I'm standing tall .no more taking advantage of!!!!!!!!
I must admit, I tried to be a people pleaser to tried to get individuals to like me; also, I thought me being super generous to people that I would eventually receive the same treatment but nope that didn't work at all- I stop being generous and most of the people I knew are distance from me because I didn't cater to their every need. I finally learned to say NO!!!!
Just wanted to say i listen to your videos everyday and they are spot on
Yes it's true
I realised that
Being too vulnerable causes pain, because some people only used people for there own selfishness
And they see vulnerable people are easy to manipulate
This video just really hit me deep in my heart
I have to remember myslef that not all people are like me
and always Keep this in mind
Thank you so much!!
If someone is taking advantage of you and assumes is ok because you don’t say anything; then that person IS NOT A DECENT PERSON WHAT-SO-EVER
Amen!!!….it means that’s not a good person AT ALL…