You are not the victim.
Vložit
- čas přidán 13. 09. 2024
- It's the audacity of pretending
to be a victim from your own failed
attempt to manipulate someone into liking
you while pretending to actually care
about them as a friend. You're literally the
villain in this story.
TikTok: / speechprof Instagram: / thespeechprof
Pinterest: / thespeechprofessor
#datingadvice
#relationshipadvice #thefriendzone #datingadviceformen #datingtipsformen #datingtips
the part that we really need to talk about is that he thinks being rejected by someone not obligated to like you intimately is a good reason to be a bad person.
Exactly. One of his crushes didn't like him back so now he has the excuse to be a jerk? His emotional intelligence is less then zero.
It's extreme entitlement
👏👏👏👏👏
and he's saying that it only needs to happen once. once! like oh wow, from now on i'll fuck every guy who wants in my pants because my one rejection will turn him into a bad person! this dude was just looking for an excuse to become and asshole.
@@TheVioletMaze
Like wow! Can't believe not every person goes your way. Great excuse to suddenly start dumping trash on everyone else.
Ah, the old "pretend to be her friend then get mad when she thinks you are her friend" trick. It's not a Jedi mind trick, it's a sleazy mind f@#$.
😂😂😂😂😂
“You hurt me by not meeting the expectations that I had placed on you, but never told you about, so my expectations could not ever even be discussed openly. You should tell people before you don’t meet their unspoken expectations.” Literally had this exact conversation with someone once. And they remained totally oblivious to the insanity of what they had just said.
Oh my gosh that's ridiculous
Yup... and it can occur in relationships too. I had a boyfriend, who in some argument brought up how many things he does for me and how much he sacrifies for me and I don't appreciate it and I was like... what? I thought you do this because you like it, I never expected you to change for me. I hate when people try to guess what others want and then are frustrated by their imagined ungratefulness.
This someone sounds like another someone I knew years ago. Flat out told them:
1. I’m not freaking telepathic!. We’re both adults here and you already have something to make yourself clear with. It’s called a mouth
2. Don’t try to turn *your* expectations into *my* obligations!. Not how it works.
3. Im done here, have a nice life
Tate's in jail. So, it's not a fix but it feels better :p
So relatable
As an ace person who values platonic relationships more than anything else, it drives me around a bend when men like this make friendship into the most horrible, haunting thing a woman can do to them. You’re not owed anything from anyone; turning yourself into the victim because your object of affection didn’t fall over herself to reward you with “more than friendship” is gross and entitled. Don’t be a woman’s friend if you don’t want friendship with them.
Right? I'm not ace, but this whole "friendzone" shtick is so insulting to anyone. These horney toads really have the audacity to dead ass act like "settling" for "just" friendship with a woman is an insult! They boo-hoo about it as if platonic friendship with a woman is a horrible and haunting trauma for them! They tell us their whole villian origin story of how they got mad because their "friend" wouldn't let them hit it, how they abandoned their "friend" for not fuxxing them, and then they really expect us all to take their side and pity them! And after all that mess they really expect us to believe they were ever even a real friend to begin with?! They can fuxx right off with all that gaslighting nonsense.
@@themaggattack - Absolutely. I know some people will yell about media being fiction, but there is definitely a message of “you’re not worthy unless you’re partnered up” and that an unremarkable guy can land the “ideal girl” just by being a “good person” in a lot of TV shows and movies. It sets an unrealistic standard that objectifies women and makes them responsible for managing the feelings of men in so many circumstances. The “best friend who has loved her for a long time” trope is so damn common in romance stories, and it’s often so frustrating to read about.
Society in general tends to place more value on romantic / sexual partnerships, so it’s not surprising that men created “the friend zone” as a negative space.
@@themaggattack Nah mate it's more complicated than that. Most women truly are decent but some really do file men away into the 'friendzone' where they're basically a plan Z in case things go wrong.
Such women are drawn to aggressively toxic men, then use these poor saps to vent at, lead them on, sometimes even have affairs with them behind their partner's back.
Then when they don't want to do this anymore those men get treated as deluded incels who never got anywhere near their bodies, and get targeted with smear campaigns.
The "Women Are Wonderful Bias" Is a helluva drug.
So true. I am ace and finding people to connect with is like shooting in the dark sometimes because I would love to get to know people on a deeper level and it stings when I am cut off from that opportunity because I didn't pay the toll at the gate
Exactly!
Who wouldn't fall for a manipulative jerk who blames others when the consequences of his own actions come to bite him in the bum?
@Sine Nomine Don't we all love a gigachad 🤣
Are you talking about GOP types, or the militant trans activist 'people with a penis' who think it's ok to drive over LGBTI by making constant violent threats against women, and demanding that the vast majority obey 'non-binary' waffle? It really is waffle when those who are not Intersex or Trans are trying to MAKE people obey their opinion about their own gender.
'Gender is a social construct therefore masculinity and femininity don't exist and I'm both of them at once! Anyone who doesn't obey this is a Far Right Proud Boy Trumptard! Including LGBTI, biological women, and male feminists. They must be enemies of TransFeminism because they don't like Trans people getting targeted because 'people with a penis' keep making constant violent threats of sex crimes against 'TERFs'
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK I love trolls so much XD
@@nineblackgoats See I'm sort of more an Anti-Troll. Trolls speak total nonsense to get a reaction.
I run rings round such types of all political affiliations, whether they're serious or trolling, just by sarcastically stating facts and also, sometimes, very darkly and disurbingly manipulating them.
I am a semi-reformed Master Troll. I am something forgotten to exist.
Sanctimonious moral puritans making themselves enemies of the working class, pushed us rightwing again and again. I held my ground. Just.
I know how to handle IRL bigotry and problems better than chucking insults and going into ATTACK mode. Until that's completely necessary that is.
I will reason with casual bigots IRL, privately, whilst wrecking them publically online, and if I ever need to phone the police and go all in, I absolutely will.
I am the Sensible British Socialist Soldier, a mix of heroic Labour Party Prime Minister, Clement Attlee, and a little bit Churchill, who is trying to get Marxist Hippies back on the planet, trying to help them make better arguments, and stop being Tanki es who are driving over their own feet, my feet, everyone else's and the planet itself, whilst I'm also taking on the most incompetent tory government in history.
I am... The Dirty Left. A Social Democrat dreaming the long long dream of fully automated blah blah. I just know it likely won't arrive until after my time, but just MAYBE I might see the dream arrive before I go into the ground.
"Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great" - Clement Attlee. The very best of a long history of *BRITISH* Socialists, starting with Robert Owen.
Or her.
Ah yes, the old "It's your fault I'm a jerk" routine. Nah bro, you were always a jerk, you just don't want to take responsibility for your actions.
Well, it’s more like, it’s the fault of some woman. Not you , necessarily, but yes, you by association and gender identity…because, of course one gender is just a monolithic entity.
These poor dudes are pathetic. I wish they had been raised better.
@@dtschuor459 no its only the dudes fault he’s a jerk.. she thought she was getting an actual friendship but he just wanted to fuck her which is manipulation and a jerk move
If a woman that views you as a friend not wanting to fuck you because you’re her friend isn’t a ahole thing.. you only being her friend to fuck her is
@@kyirose2995 So, I don’t think you read my comment in the spirit of its intention. It was an analysis of what this particular group of males are projecting…read it again. More slowly.
Maybe I left something out.
@@dtschuor459 No, it's his choice to be jerk. Expecting sexual gratification in exchange for niceness is about men not seeing women as actual people with their own interests and ideas instead of prices to be won or as tools to fulfill men's wishes.
If you expect sex for friendship, you've never been a friend in the first place. "Nice Guys"(TM) are just perpetual (cheap) Johns who see all women as prostitutes, since they think they can buy sex from women in some sort of quid pro quo. If you're unable to be a real friend with a woman without expecting her to put out for you, don't befriend women: You're not the one being manipulated ("friend-zoned"), you're the manipulator, making her believe you're a true friend who likes her as a person when all you've ever wanted was her body.
@@e.458 Why is the fact that I already understand this escaping folks in the CZcams comment section?
My point was, a man who blames a woman isn’t just blaming the individual woman.
The whole concept of a “friend zone” being an actual social construct presumes that all women react and behave in a monolithic mentality.
They don’t and any person who thinks they do probably has a very simple (i.e. limited) world view. No surprise they also treat women as a commodity…
I'm a lesbian and I've had men who knew I was a lesbian accuse me of leading them on... they thought I was prepared to "make an exception" for them because I was nice to them...
Also disgusting and toxic.
They don’t actually believe you’re a lesbian. They just think you haven’t been introduced to the right “dick” yet and they are going to be the one to prove this to you.
How annoying. I’m so sorry they wasted your time…
Ew That's even worse than when it happens to straight women because they thought they knew you better than you knew yourself AND saw you as some sort of trophy. Sick.
Whether anyone likes it or not, men sometimes have a tendency to interpret friendly behaviour as romantic interest. The tragedy of course is then you get shouted at to 'smile beautiful!' then labelled an Ice Queen when you don't, or other nonsense. Toxic Masculinity is a helluva drug.
@@dabbyabb fr
Ya know, there are not enough facepalms when you hear about how those types of guys think. 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
"I became this girl's friend and then was heartbroken when I realized she saw me as a friend", it's not her fault you weren't clear with your intentions from the get-go and pressumed that all you wanted was friendship
How does one make their intentions clear from the get go? Like im asuming "Hey i might want to sleep with you at some point" is an invalid option but i read you comment and became confused. What if i dont know if i want the relationship with that person to go into the direction of a realtionship or a freindship from the get go and how long do i have to make my desicion clear.
Im not trying to fight with you. You just seemt to talk about this as if it was obvious information which means that im probably missing something.
@@mcschneider3 Just say, I'm interested in more than friendship with you, and if she isn't doesn't feel the same then it probably wasn't meant to be.
Every relationship I've been in, we were both clear that with the direction we wanted for our friendship/relationship. If you befriend someone under the guise of wanting to date, you'll end up heart broken when they don't see you as more than a friend
@@superfluousnscrupulous9458 what if you aren't initially? i can't imagine being romantically interested in someone without knowing them first..how else do you get to know them without being friend? these rules make no sense.
@@jasonnewby It depends, but the goal of a friendship is not to date that person. If it turns into a serious relationship then that's awesome, but you shouldn't be surprised if your friend doesn't have any romantic interest in you
@@superfluousnscrupulous9458 I agree that the goal of friendship is not to date someone. I just can't imagine asking random strangers out personally, that would imply that the attraction is purely physical and relationships build on that have a very high fail rate. every girl i was interested in i was friends with first. i liked them as a person, not a body and then i started to love them as a person not a body. the guys who use friendship as a backdoor to a relationship are just manipulators.
I know Speech Prof here is just doing what any decent bloke does, in checking other dudes on this stuff instead of leaving it all for women to do, but I'm still going to say it: It's so nice to see and hear a man do it. Gives me hope. Thanks Prof.
@Mel angry black woman????? What
@Alex England 💯🙂
@Sine Nomine and even that's a toss up at times.
Agree🥰
@sinenomine8772 Problem being with most of these people, the moment you as a man, start disagreeing with their fundamentals (women inferior or whatever bs they hold onto) then you're no longer a man in their eyes.
It's really pointless. The only people who will get convinced are the ones who already agree and don't see it yet because they've spent a bit too much time listening to Peterson or Shapiro.
Reality is, they are not capable of self reflection. If they were, they wouldn't be in a situation where they're proud of degrading or insulting others.
I have a friend I developed romantic feelings for and they didn't develop feelings for me. We're still friends because the FRIENDSHIP is more important to me than the romantic interest
Hey, me too! Funny isn't it!?
Yeah, I resented the romantic feelings I developed for a friend, friendship is more important to me and I love and care for them as a person
It's natural to have crushes on friends, IMO. What's not natural is to have so little respect for those friends that you feel cheated if they don't reciprocate the crush.
@@dabbyabb exactly
Weird how girls get "friend zoned" by dudes all the time but we dont all go on the internet and whine about it for pity from strangers. We accept that our guy friend only sees us as a friend and we move on with our lives while still retaining that friendship
(ok not always but the friendship endures more often than when a guy is "friend zoned") ¯\_.(ツ)._/¯
There is nothing more heartbreaking than realizing a guy only likes you if he thinks he can have sex with you. It devalues a person down to a sexual object and it can absolutely be soul crushing. To feel like you've made a connection, that you have a friend and ally in this often times unfairly difficult world and only then to have the rug pulled out from under you because you wouldn't let him get his piece wet. But too many men don't see women as human beings and people first, only objects to be controlled, desired after and ultimately thrown aside. Real men can be friends with women without wanting to smash, little boys believe the friend zone is real.
Truth!
Well said 👏🏻👏🏻
@@moimoindo Right?? I've had the exact same experience, where guy-friends confessed and I said no, or in one case went on a few dates before I said that I'd rather stay friends (didn't know I was aroace at the time, but I knew it felt wrong), and after a brief awkward period we went back to being friends as always--and years down the line, we're still friends.
So so true
Had a guy who I thought was my friend for 5 years end up getting pissy when I wouldn't sleep with him. He threatened assault so I blocked him and then he kept harassing me for 6 months.
Very glad I cut him out, he was such a drain on my mental health in hindsight
Years ago in college a guy I knew accused me of putting him in the “Friend Zone.” He did so within easy hearing distance of a group of mutual friends, and in a tone that suggested he was hoping to make me uncomfortable and self conscious about the conversation.
I responded to his Friend Zone quip with something like: “I didn’t really see you as my friend. More of an acquaintance.”
To be regarded as a friend by somebody else is an honor, not a privilege.
And I’ve met so many guys who act as though there are only 2 options: Dating, or the horrible wastelands of ‘the Friend Zone.’ What never seems to occur to many is there are actually many MANY rings in the possible spectrum of relationships… And people who bemoan being put into the “Friend Zone” seem wholly unaware of the NO Zone. In the NO Zone, we aren’t friends at all.
Well said!. And I love that you corrected him by putting him in the acquaintance zone 😂
Ever heard of the family zone? You're like a brother to me 😂❤ there are worse things out there.
If I heard a guy talk about me like that, he wouldn’t even be an acquaintance anymore. He’d go straight to the “Hell no” zone.
But, hey! At least he isn’t in the friend zone anymore!
"I lied and manipulated and she didn't fall for that... who would guess?!?"
“And now I’m a bad guy and it’s all her fault.”
“I led her on but fuck if I’ll ever admit that”
She was like your being weird rn... cue emo scene, rain starts pouring in, eyeliner suddenly appears and starts running down his face (you did this to me!!!!) 😅😅😅
Yes!
Right, but girls still fall in love with fuck boys who are lying and manipulating too. Sooo intention matters.
"That's the kind of stuff that haunts men for the rest of their life" ... no that haunts emotionally insecure egos for the rest of their lives.
🤌🏼
IKR? As opposed to women, who have no emotions whatsoever, as if no woman has ever crushed on someone then been disappointed. Gives a whole new connotation to "Just for men."
@MillieStLouie if women have no emotions then why do women seek marriage and commitment?
The xy gender who uses women's bodies and abandons them are the one's who have no emotions.
Yeah that part felt like these people don't face any real hardship in their lives lol.
I was friends with a guy when I was 20. I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship, my best friend had moved to another state, my parents had separated, and I really needed someone in my life who was on my side.
So I started spending more time with a fun guy I had met in college a few years before. We had lots of stuff in common, loved the same geeky games and TV shows and got along really well. For a few weeks, it was great. We hung out every weekend for a month and had loads of fun. Then he started trying to pay for my dinners when we went out (I didn't let him) and holding hugs for too long. I tried to make it clear that I was NOT in a place to be interested in anyone. My previous relationship ending had left me in a bad place that required years of therapy to fix, but he would say he understood and we could just be friends, then he would turn around a week later and start pushing for a relationship again.
After about 4 months, we finally had a fight that ended our friendship. He said we were already dating even if I "wouldn't admit it" so my refusal to date him didn't matter. He was just gonna tell people we were dating. I flipped out at him, so he got mad at me. He was pissed that I didn't want to date him, and I was just hurt. Like I wasn't worth being friends with if I didn't want to sleep with him?
I felt incredibly manipulated, like he had tried to backdoor his way into a relationship with me when I was clearly, vocally, and transparently not ready to date him or anyone.
I'm still kind of sad about it. I really did consider him a great friend, and honestly probably would have been open to dating him a few years later when I finally got my shit together, but this experience made me incredibly suspicious of the intentions of all my male friends forever.
"oh yes even though she says she doesn't want a relationship i will trick and manipulate her into a relationship that will last forever! no she won't feel betrayed and will always trust me forever! i love that i can be part of a relationship that i know she has no choice in being part of and won't want to leave the first chance she can get!" like what is the end game there? i'm sorry you had to go through that.
Don't be sad. You had a narrow escape. You were still attracting an emotionally abusive relationship. Instead of being sad, praise yourself for realizing this wasn't what you needed at this time and removing yourself. It's his loss that he couldn't have been a true friend to you not yours that you realized it.
@@user-qo3jh9mn1t well said.
See, that's fair. Like,
(i) you knew you needed years of therapy because of the emotional abuse you went through.
(ii) you weren't going to be manipulated into some bullshit you didn't deserve.
(III) He fucking lied about being your friend for his own means which is shit.
I'm getting a 'hyena hovering around a kill' vibe with this. Predators are great at spotting the weak and maimed to manipulate. I'm not saying he was in your case, but it is something to be wary of.
Hope you have/are receiving all the care you need to heal...take care 😊
"You made a friend" I love this guy. Lol
Guys themselves put themselves in the friendzone by behaving like a friend instead of making their intention clear and then complaint about getting friendzones😂( I used to make that mistake).
@@debanikgoswami4834Cuz you were scared of rejection. That's why you tried so hard to be their friend, but actually, you wanted something more.
He says that being put in the friend-zone is this horrible, painful thing. Do you know what is way worse? Being put in the fuck-zone! Let's pretend for a second that the friend-zone actually exists (it's doesn't). Then at least you have a friend. You have someone in you life who cares about you and you of them. Maybe it is not in the exact way you wanted but that doesn't mean that they don't care for you deeply. Being put in the fuck-zone however is horrible. Having someone pretend to be your friend only because they want to get in your pants, and then abandon you the second you reject their advances is so painful and incredibly dehumanising. It makes you feel like an object. Not an actual human being with feelings
Exactly. This has happened to me multiple times before and it's heartbreaking.
U r spot on wow! They're selfish and entitled to the limit!
Likewise, there is a Meal-ticket Zone. It can be really brutal accepting that someone you thought loved you has actually despised you, and will eject you from their life the moment you can no longer put food on the table. They are only in this relationship for richer and better, and the moment things go worse and poorer, you are out on the street so they can shop for a replacement.
Deception is not good.
@@MrFelblood thats called gold digging and its already not socially acceptable. Guilting women into sleeping with you by playing the victim with the whole "friend zone" thing has been more socially accepted until very recently with videos like this calling it out. Call out a gold digger and most people will agree with you. Call out a professional victim crying about the friend zone and you still get a lot of push back from the red pill and incel community.
preach
i'm still stuck on "he was giving his all, and getting nothing"
SIR?! HOW?! how is someone being there for you whenever you need, and giving you advice, and BEING YOUR FRIEND giving you "nothing"???? because where i come from, all that is NOT nothing. in fact, that's A WHOLE LOT. js.
Often a good friend is worth more than a f√€k buddy.
See you're not a person to turds like that, so unless you give your body bc they're too dumb to buy a toy you can't offer anything of value :/
THANK YOU
Yeah, that didn't make sense to me. I am a guy, and I invest heavily in my friendships of all sexes and genders because I personally like deeper connections, but if someone close to me said something like that, I would be outraged. The options would be to either get into a huge argument or for me to take a breath and calm down before I was overcome with the urge to block them.
I completely agree, emotional support is extremely important are people who can give you that are giving you a lot. But noooooo that's apparently nothing in his eyes. I smell projection.
So, here's a thought:
If a single woman rejecting you turned you into a bad person, you were never a good person.
Exactly!
An extension on your thought: A woman not wanting to get naked with you doesn't mean she's "rejected" you. If she wants you as a friend, then clearly she's accepted you... just not in the way/to the extent you wanted her to.
Nailed it.
Oh this thread is legit!
That's exactly the thought I had when he said that!
I never understood guys who would get mad that their crush never recognized their feelings and then they'd tell me about the type of relationship they had and I just go, "Uhhhh none of what you stated was anything close to romantic. That's stuff I do with my friends on the regular". ESPECIALLY when it comes to them giving their crush emotional support. Just makes me wonder what kind of friends they have if emotional support is something only lovers do.
You know, it's sad and i don't recall where i hear it but i remember hearing from somebody that men and women view/show/understand/give friendship in different ways and that men generally don't do friendship the way women do. . . like they don't share/emotionally support each other, and truthfully i don't know if this was an apologist for the school of thought which dictates that men and women cannot be friends, but i do believe to some degree that it may be so. My reason is because in most cultures in the world, men and women are socialized differently from childhood- boys are taught not to cry, and girls are taught to be nice to others and nobody likes x type of girl. So there may be some merit to it but i will say i definitely have seen firsthand that some or many men don't share their emotions. Sadly they believe they can't as a man so we as humans have to work to change that toxic mindset so these guys have no excuse or reason to blame others.
guys don't get emotionally deep with other typically so when a woman gets emotionally vulnerable this might make guys think she wants more as this doesn't happen with his male friendships.
@@jasonnewby for their mental health, i wish guys did because it does so much good. Not supporting your inner self that is "deep" can causes pain or worsens what struggle the person is having. That spirals down and makes life harder, and all humans need support regardless of gender. Anyways sorry and thank you to anyone who reads this.
@@jasonnewby it happens in friendships alot with women and men who are mature. So yeah
@@fishInaPondBusyBusyLotsToDo u see? ❤
“Girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out” - Sylvia Plath
Awesome
Golden.
never heard this. Love it!
hahahaha I love that quote
You know when you go over old conversations in your head and come up with better things to say??
I wish I'd read that earlier.
Noticed his statements were of "What she does for me..." he sounds like he wanted a mommy to take care of him and watch, the lady was just NICE to him because guess what? Women can be nice and still not want to be WITH YOU! Also, this entitlement of she owes you for being a good guy....it says he doesn't know how to treat/be with a woman period. She's a human being not a vending machine of wants.
Plus, being a good friend is like...the morally right line. Thats literally the most basic things you _should_ do as a friend. Not to mention its absurd to just say someone was good until wow, the other half of the population thay had always exusted showed themselves.
Being nice has nothing to do with her also. Its about being a good human being. So the fact that a woman changed that means he wasn't nice to begin with.
Just because you're friendzoned doesn't mean you become a terrible person. I mean, I confessed to my crush, she said no, I said okay and we moved on as great close friends. To all men seeing this: This is how you handle getting rejected! You don't have to become a terrible person, emotionally broken, or a misogynist, just take it like a decent person. Consider the fact that attraction doesn't come from only one side and one sided attraction or love is not to be pursued.
I'm grateful for these kind of comments because they remind me that this "one women didn't give me what I want and that's why I'm now a tragic dark anti-hero" BS exists, but so does common sense and decency.
Believe me, with some of the current events in the US (and spreading) 'normal' human beings really need to be loud about what being a sane, good human being actually looks like. Because there are some people out there trying to re-brand the worst human traits as "decency".
if it happens over and over again it can become emotionally damaging.
@@jasonnewby It shouldn't, accept it as a friendship and move on or ask out fewer girls, wait for the perfect one and restrain yourself, like the right always tells women to. Cut the double standard and practice restraint by not trying to have sex with every woman you know, or learn to accept the existence of friends, simple as that.
@@jasonnewby And if you are constantly manipulating women trying to pretend to be their friends to get into their pants, then frankly sir, you deserve any emotional damage you get. Stop hitting yourself.
I would rather die than become a misogynist
I once had a crush on a friend, and then she didn't like me back. Was sad for a bit, and then continued the friendship. No lifelong trauma needed, so much easier! Maybe if these guys actually liked women instead of simply being physically attracted to them, these things wouldn't be such a big issue for them
It might be easier if we only used 'like' with one meaning in English.
THANK 👏 YOU 👏 !!
One girl didn't fall for you manipulation and that turned you into a jerk? Cool story bro, I have an ex that nearly ended my life on 3 separate occasions and still have no desire to use it as an excuse. It's not hard to be a decent person unless you never were one 🤷🏻♀️
Lol cool story bro ha ha I like this
Right???? Ive been assaulted by men multiple times throughout my life and my ex tried to kill me, and never once saw any of that as a reason to start treating unrelated men with disrespect.
On the other hand, the fact that 'me being in love /lust with somebody doesn't oblige anybody to return those feelings' seems to be very, very, very hard to accept for some people.
It's the weirdest thing: I'm absolutely certain women can be just as self-centered, mean-spirited and entitled as men. Yay equality. And I've known at least one woman who'd happily tell me how awful men were (excepting the guy she was currently crushing on), though, come to think about, she talked just as badly about women. Every single one of them.
But what I haven't ever seen is this "that _one_ guy I had a crush on only saw me as a friend and *that's* why I now hate all men". Never ever. Lots of rationalization and blame-shifting, but not this specific variation of it.
@@Julia-lk8jn well that happened to me so...
This guy sounded so incredibly out of touch for acting like friendzone is the most horribly hurtful thing a person could do to another. While listening, I thought "do you know what many men have done to many women and yet somehow you don't see nearly as many man hating women?" He thinks one rejection for a relationship is enough to corrupt one's soul! He needs to to be medicated.
My husband and I were friends when I told him "we need to talk" one day. When we got a chance to talk, I said, "So, I like you, and I think we need to talk about that."
It worked out for me, but I was completely prepared to be told he wasn't interested and still be friends. He was not the first guy I had that conversation with - I had a crush on a guy all through highschool and finally told him I liked him senior year. He didn't like me back. We're still friends, and I did the music for his wedding, because love isn't selfish, and you're not really friends if you don't love someone.
Experiencing the relief of communicating my emotions that first time was what gave me the guts to do it the second time, after just a couple weeks of crushing. And I had already prepared myself to be a GOOD friend if he didn't like me back.
That dude's whole concept of relationship is so skewed! It is like as women we owe him love just because he is! I mean if I have a crush on you or like you or fall in love with you, then you owe it to me to love me back! WTF? I don't any man anything. I don't have to like you, love you, be turned on by you, or even want to be around you. It is like this shit attitude that women need to be submissive, and somehow if we are successful on our own, we should give it all up to serve some asshole man who will mistreat us, thinks it is perfectly normal to cheat on us, and will dump us at the drop of a hat. This whole toxic masculinity movement is so screwed up and entitled to the limit.
When I was in my early 20’s I first heard of the “friend zone” and I was like, oh yeah! I’ve been there! Unrequited love sucks! And then I realized these guys were saying something completely different than just “Oh man, when you fall for a friend and they aren’t interested it’s disappointing”… Like, the guys I was into were still my friends after that. Ya shoot your shot and then just appreciate that person’s company because you should still care about them. Like, you haven’t been friendzoned if you weren’t someone’s friend in the first place, and if you were you’d respect them and be genuinely happy for their relationships outside of your own. You haven’t been friend zoned, you’ve been rejected for trying to manipulate someone you wanted to have sex with into thinking you actually cared about them as a person.
Boom
One thing I will never understand is how people see relationships as either romantic or nothing. Like, I as a man dated two of my best friends in highschool (clarification: not at the same time) and when we figured out that that kind of relationship wasn't right for us we just went back to being friends. We still deeply cared for each other, it was just platonic love and it took us an attempt at romance to figure that out. It wasn't instant, and yeah it hurt at the end, but in the end we're still friends and them being in my life is far more important to me than some romance
Exactly! And worse, blame someone who doesn't even know what's going on in your head. Then spend the rest of your life ignoring clues from another person who does like you, because you still need to punish someone.
No one "owes" you a date or a chance simply because you are being "nice". This is straight up objectification and makes relationships transactional.
All relationships are transactional. This is not really a good point to make.
Sure but you owe him something if you are gonna take his money, food , gas and time.
Maybe an explanation? At the bare minimum you could say you aren't interested before you take shit
@@madmintentertainment6268Bro if hanging out with the girl is such a “waste” of his resources then maybe he doesn’t actually like her and value her as a friend?
@@Tobeebuzz someone isn't a valuable friend if all they do is take your shit and withhold information from you.
Tell him the truth and stop wasting his time then see about friendship
@@madmintentertainment6268 How is she supposed to know that he wants more than friendship if he doesn’t tell her. Maybe he should be the one telling the truth first, saves everyone some time if she isn’t interested.
Also if he’s offering to take her out places, once again she is not ‘taking his shit’
They’re hanging out, that’s what friends do, if he has a problem with paying he can be open about that too.
It’s not all on the woman here, relationships go both ways. Whether it’s dating or simply a friendship (I am a man saying this.)
I have a feeling your mind won’t change on this, so this will be the last reply I give, I hope you can someday see things from a different point of view.
if these kinds of men think that the 'friendzone' exist (which it doesn't btw) can they admit that they put the girl that "friendzoned" them in the "f@ck Zone" ? I think it's reasonable :) cus its clear that these men value their crushes so little that they see being their friend as an insult...
Right?! I’m just amazed at how prevalent this sentiment is because it’s so clearly toxic.
I will now use that phrase when guys bitch about being friend zoned.
It is toxic in different ways also. My friends actually liked me and would say so to me by saying I was the nicest guy she knew and then would touch and hug me. But because I had been trained to think the nice guy finishes last I got stuck up on those words.
The friend zone exists but these guys were never friends. I have a friend who's advances I rejected early in the relationship only to have him reject mine a couple of years later because he wasn't willing to risk the friendship. I don't imagine we'd have stayed friends had we been lovers.
@@A2forty "Nice guys" finish last because no woman would consider them a nice guy. I actually hate the word nice for men and women because it has a connotation of being manipulative if you are a guy and being a doormat if you are a girl. Be kind, treat people with kindness and refuse to accept anything but kindness in return.
This guy's basically like "we were supposed to be the good guys, but then women happened, and that was our collective Harvey Dent moment."
And then he turns around and is like "AND IT WAS ALL RACHEL'S FAULT THAT WE ALL TURNED INTO TWO-FACE!"
This comment took me ooouttt 💀💀💀
It brings to mind the possibility that the reason that the Joker doesn't have a definitive canonical origin, is that it's probably because of something as pathetic and shallow as this ("all it takes is one bad day. Like the day I learned I was 'friendzoned'.") 😉
Guy on the internet: We were all nice guys once upon a time.
Me: Oh, nice, a fairytale.
I laughed out loud too hard on this one😂
@@Wednesdaywoe1975
Too bad noone every witnessed their 'nice guy' times. Wonder why.
The way I saw someone put it years ago in a comment on something was along the lines of, "They didn't friendzone you, you girlfriendzoned them," and that has stuck with me for years.
These men always remind me of toddlers who haven't learnt they won't get what they want sometimes. Idiots! 😤 As always, great job Professor👍
Yep, it's kind of what would happen to the traditional "mommy is evil because she forces me to eat veggies" moment if five year olds had access to a corresponding echo chamber on the internet.
Gah, that's a scary thought.
I swear nothing is worse than thinking someone is your friend to learn they're only pretending to be your friend to get into your pants.
I'm demi. Counting since the start of puberty, I average about 3 years between finding people _I'M_ attracted to (to say nothing about compatibility and the interest being mutual cutting that number of potential partners down even further)...yet I was able to understand "hey, friends is still good, and if they can see a way we're not compatible that I can't, I WANT to be rejected to spare us both the pain of trying to force something to work that was doomed from the start" and put it into practice in highschool.
Even setting aside the obvious abuse/manipulation lense, I struggle to understand how guys who can walk into a room of strangers and find multiple people they're attracted to can be such whiny brats about rejection.
The contrast between cringing at how I handled relationships when I was 16 and knowing that stupid kid was more mature about it than a lot of guys will EVER be is stunning.
What self-respecting woman (or adult of any gender, frankly) WOULD want to date that, even if it wasn't abusive?
I’m the same way! In recent years I’ve been realizing I’m probably Demi-sexual, cause I never crush on anyone, and the closest I’ve gotten to that are people I consider close friends.
I hate when I see people ranting on the internet about the ‘friend-zone’ or about how men and women can’t be friends. I value my platonic friendships, and to be honest I think the only chance I have at developing any sort of romantic feelings for someone, is through close platonic friendships. And I mean real friendships, not ‘I’m pretending to be your friend in hopes that one day you fall in love with me.’ There’s a difference, and you can feel it.
Same, here and frankly can't and could never STAND these still unevolved/devolved fools and/or from listening to absolute sh*t from other "low life/vibe" cis, usually white men their whole lives! Not sure there is any other way to percive it, unless willing to get better and let alone wanting any of this lot to understand, let alone go vegan, which might also be the catalyst to help them also do the research on all political and ethical and moral movements, too and selflessly to be real, with actual self-preservation from this sh*t and the path to healing, if willing to work on themselves?
Even if they are not attracted to multiple people as options, then whoever they don't choose to persue first is being rejected... or saved for later, which makes me feel gross, but I digress. If being rejected means turning cruel, all the people he didn't choose in that room, based on his logic and regardless of his attraction to them, now have every right to treat him like he treats women...
They dont get how they manufacture their own demise lol😂
Basically, they feel like if they’re rejected that means the woman sees them as less of a person. Maybe they believe that makes them less of a person. As a result, they get mad about that and lash out.
That shouldn’t be pinned on the woman though. That just means they have to do their own bit of self discovery and find worth within themselves. They have to learn that just because their seen as a friend, they’re not instantly seen as less of a person by whomever rejected them, unless they start lashing out. They also have to learn they’re not less of a person just because they got rejected.
In a nutshell, they’re insecure and want validation.
I find this "friend zone" thought process fascinating. I have a dear male friend who I've been working with for years at various festivals and events that he organizes. Those events got intense. Very hard work, very late nights. As I got more involved with the team I ended up crashing at hotels with him and seeing more nuanced sides of him than most folks. Did I start developing feelings for him? Absolutely. He's one of the hardest working individuals I've ever met and will go out of his way to help others without hesitation. Heck, with how crazy those events got he knows me better than most too. But he has a girlfriend. I'm not messing with that. They're my feelings to deal with not his. I'd much rather still be able to treasure him and continue to be good friends than push for something selfish and ruin the relationship.
Yep, the worst dating advice I ever heard was “be her friend first, then slowly work your way up to asking her out.” No. Just be honest and tell her that you like her. If she likes you back, great! Now you’re dating! If she doesn’t, now you can move on. You can still be her friend, but now you’re not absorbing yourself in the false notion that the only purpose of your friendship is to turn it into a romance as soon as you gain her trust. See, if you did that, it would just be plain manipulation. You gained her trust and deceived her to get what you wanted, and that’s very uncool. If you only initiate friendships with women in the hopes that they’ll fall in love with you, honestly just stop being friends with women because clearly you only see women as potential mates rather than actually valuing the friendship they’ve given you.
Also I do really appreciate seeing men call out the bullshit of other men instead of blindly defending or being complacent and letting it happen. The more men do this, the more steps society makes in the right direction. And it’s not just men who need to call out bullshit. White people do, able-bodied people do, economically stable people do, adults do, straight and cisgender people do, any other majority group does. As an ally to any marginalized group you’re not a part of, you need to use your voice of privilege to amplify (not speak over or interrupt) the message of that group. You’re doing a service for the betterment of all of humanity, thank you dude.
"Just be honest and tell her that you like her." When do you do that?
So you're supposed to ask her out just based on appearance, when you barely know her? Or is there some margin between strangers and friends where you have to decide if you want to ask her out? What does "like" actually mean in this context?
You can say the same with women calling out for their shitty behaviour in a lot of situations, but none of thid comments did it. The problem is both factions sees the other sex as an enemy (with exceptions). Doesnt seems like thats the way to a better humanity. You can check the other comments and see the hate both have to each other.
Nah i think people should at least establish a light friendly relationship first so that you actually get to know them a bit before confessing, instead of coming out with it to a complete stranger, because more often than not it is more unlikely that they'll be attracted to you if they don't even know you first, that's how i did it with my current girlfriend and we've been together for 8 years now, but maybe i'm too autistic to understand the normal dating world i guess lol.
For regular ppl with crushes on a friend, the general sentiment tends to be "if something happens, great, if not what we have is still kinda nice". If you're pining for someone to the point of your very good developing friendship being a source of spite, maybe it'd be better to just tell them why you need some space and hang out with different people until you're in a place where you're capable of just being friends. It's ok to feel rejected and frustrated over lack of reciprocation, but that sort of thing is also just a common facet of regular human relationships of all kinds that you should learn to deal with. Going full batman villain at the first person that just doesn't see you that way is real silly
I fell in love scratch that I liked a guy I went to school with. He was great. He was nice, he liked to draw, he's way good at it too. And he talked to me and he gave me space. and that space didn't mean we never talked again. And he wasn't even a little interested in me. And that was okay. I got over it.
And he was still a great friend, because I could be my anti-social self around him.
Oh the martyrdom of not getting what you want. That’s just life. If it affects you for the rest of your life, seriously you need psychological help.
_THIS._ The whole "I want her, so I'm supposed to get her--she's supposed to do what I want and like me" is deeply disturbing. And notice I use "like," not "love," because I wonder how often it would actually qualify as genuine love if his thoughts are of possessing his target rather than being a true partner.
😂👏👏👏🙌
we should just start calling all men who believe in the friendzone "Karen" because the attitude of "i want it, so i should have it and fuck everyone who says otherwise" is the foundation of a Karen. and a "friendzoned" dude
When people shows you who they are. Believe them!
the quote continues *the first time
You gave your all in a friendship and you got friendship in return there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with friendship, it is a beautiful thing and in some cases last longer than any romantic relationship. Who is there for you when you get broken up with? Your friends. Who is there for you when your family does something terrible to you? Your friends. Who is there for you when you fail? YOUR FRIENDS. You were given friendship, but because you took that for granted, because you wanted more when so much was already given. You will never have have either friendship nor romantic love. You don't understand the worth of either. I went through two fiance's, but I still have my friends.
My husband and I started as friends. No intention of dating just enjoyed doing things together and talking about everything together. It just happened one day that we naturally thought we fit well together. I just happened to marry my best friend. No one should start a friendship thinking that I want to be with them so I'll be their friend in order to date them. It just leads to disappointment and hurt feelings.
I'm a woman and I was in love with my friend that I met college freshman year. It just never happened between us, we were both painfully shy and we started off as friends and I think neither of us wanted to risk the friendship. When I finally got the courage to tell her how I felt, she rejected me. I'd love to have her friendship back because it meant so much to me, but I respect her for setting boundaries and speaking her truth.... because I actually considered her my friend. I wasn't waiting for her to fall in love with me. Does it hurt? Like hell. Do I dislike that woman now? Absolutely not. She's still the funniest, weirdest, coolest, and yeah most beautiful person ever. Even if she doesn't want me. Maybe one day I will find someone who does want me. Anyway that's my story.
also like, if ONE (1) person rejecting you made you hate women in general, dude you were never good in the first place. how about we start seeing all people as people first? we are all individuals. that’s like, the base for a relationship, to see each other as human. as a full person with individual needs and wants and likes. everything else is second.
Guys themselves put themselves in the friendzone by behaving like a friend then complaint about getting friendzone.
I knew a woman once who did really weird stuff, like dating the friend of a person she was interested in to get closer to that person, or acting like her roommate's girlfriend in the hopes that he would see what a great girlfriend she was. It was crazy and not ok, but at least she never blamed the person she was thrusting her unasked for affection on. She was mature enough to recognize that if all her schemes to make them love her failed, it just wasn't meant to be, and it wasn't because they were such horrible people who liked "being taken care of." Ffs.
That's an interesting story. I was just thinking that I've seen some of my female friends do all sorts of weird rationalizing ad smack-talking both men and women ... but never that "oh no, how dare he not return my feelings, this is why I shall now hate all men" BS.
Moral of the story: both genders can be entitled and irrational, but we put our own characteristic spin on it?
I friendzoned my husband for five years. He was in love with me, and he was forthright about that, but I didn’t feel the same way. The difference between him and the other guys I friendzoned was that, instead of getting upset at me, he respected my choice. He was still in love with me, and I knew it, but since I had made it clear we were just friends, he took it as a chance to be the best friend he could be. He hoped I might choose him back one day, but didn’t try to force it at all. Well, turns out that kind of loyalty and respect was what I would discover I needed in a husband. Six years married and I still am in awe that I’m married to such a wonderful man ❤
Yeah, it totally hurts when you feel a way about somebody that they don’t feel about you. But if you’re being their friend, a friend doesn’t owe you the action of falling in love with you.
Why is friendship so undervalued? Why do these guys think that getting laid is of more value than having someone value you as a friend? Wow.
Female friends are useless . Friendship is for other men .
Being friend with a feminine person won't make you happy and won't protect you instead become a burden in your life.
@@hel3o167 or maybe you're just incapable of being friends with women. You're inability to maintain a platonic relationship with a woman is a you problem, don't project that onto everyone else.
@@kenny995 there is no such thing as platonic between two unequal . Males are taller, stronger, more protective.
Male companionship is more valuable and no real man gives it for free .
Now keep barking ns
The concept of Friendzone is really sad, because it implyes that a friendship with a woman is valueless, and men who believe in the friendzone see women only as sex objects that can be owned :/
-----
These men will pretend to care about you and then make you feel like you are the cruel one for not wanting to be in a relationship with them. Sadly I had an expirience like that at least 3 times in my life, I'm 21 now and I have never had a boyfriend because I didn't feel the right connection with anyone, maybe also because I dont really want to date around, I just want to find a life partner, and maybe thats why Im 'picky'. But those guys messed with my head enough for me to think that I deserve to be alone forever for being a bad person and rejecting them.
It's even worse when it's not him that blames you for burning all the bridges after understanding that he only wanted to f*ck you (he actually acting more like a drama queen), but your own mother. Like, "he was such a good guy, he did so much for you" and all that he did for me I was ready to do for my friends, but he actually thought that it's something that would make we fell in love with him. He is not my type, he has severe anxiety that he refuses to treat, instead he used me as an escapism method: texted me, talked to me, going with me everywhere 24/7 even if it was obvious that I did not want that, and even in the middle of the night he could write me so I would talk with him to make his anxiety go away (he did not find anything on the internet worth watching, for him it was way better to make me his own personal clown), keeping my social battery on 0% all the time. We hadn't even much in common, but when he spoke I really tried to listen while he was opened about how uninterested he was about any of my interests. He was creepy, he layed on my lap and I couldn't even move because I was horrified, he tried to touch me even though I told that it makes me anxious (yes, I have anxiety too, thanks to him, even more that before) and until he caused a literal panic he did not stop. I swear, I lost any kind of libido and even dreams of finding love for more than a half of the year.
And all those times he sended me mixed signals so I could gaslight myself that we are just friends. He literally was appearing in my nightmares for months and I mean every dream that I had was a nightmare and it's his presence that made those dreams nightmares. I still am disgusted every time I see him and feel panic every time he walks past me close enough (we attend the same class). And yet my own f*cking mother is more considered for his mental state than mine! Even though I told her everything that I wrote here (except for libido and dreams of love). Because poor boy is depressed and didn't attend school for a long time. For the first time in his life someone acted like a decent human around him and he decided that it's love. When I was at his place I weren't forcing myself on my crush, I acknowledged that my feelings are my problem. I didn't make that girl regret that she ever acted nice to me. While I was punished for my kindness by one of the most severe traumas that I've ever had and I literally was living in hell for a 3 years, when my classmates in school and art school bullied me and on top of that I had a "friend" that gaslighted me, manipulated me and bullied me too, so everyone f*cked with my mental condition 24/7, making me go insane. Yet, this son of a b*tch somehow managed to make all of this into nothing compared to what he did to me. And mother still tries to make me talk to him again, even though I started clearly that if I would try to talk with him he will immediately think that he has a chance and I'll be in hell again.
romance is kinda messed
I can only feel romantically attracted to friends because otherwise I just don't feel romantically attracted without a strong emotional bond. But even then, I don't get mad when they don't return my feelings because I respect that and appreciate their friendship. If you manipulate someone to get what you want, you didn't care about the person, you cared about the best outcome for yourself and only what makes you happy and comfortable.
This is so heartbreaking. I have had so many guy “friends” who just ditched me when they realized I wasn’t into them like that. Well, if you’re manipulative and a liar, I definitely am extra not attracted. Thanks for showing your true colors!
If I get friendzoned then I keep her as a friend and meet other girls through her . I know it's difficult because it requires a lot of self control but it's rewarding .
I keep coming across this kind of self entitlement that a woman should just bow down and love through some sort of transaction. Usually their are obsessed with their mothers and looking for a woman who matches them exactly 🤢
Exactly!! Thank you so much for this! You explained it perfectly. Guys like that dude can't understand that friendship itself is a special relationship. Sometimes friends fall in love, but it should never be the goal of a relationship.
When I had a crush on a friend of mine, and I was rejected, I was like "well I still like this person. They don't love me, but I don't wanna burn bridges just because they don't see me that way. Like they helped me out incredibly when I needed someone to talk to, I would be an idiot to not wanna gang out with them anymore."
So I did what any other reasonable person would have done: I fucking stayed friends.
I get that being in love and then getting rejected, it can burn you. Sure you maybe think "Well I am not gonna want to feel this way again." But I think it's when you just treat people in a respectful manner all the time, even if you don't search for someone you, eventually you will be found by a person who likes you.
I have a friend that asked me out a few months ago and I was really dreading having to tell him that I wasn't looking for that and that I valued him as a friend because whenever I've had that tall with men in the past, it's ended in this "friend zone" rant bs. I was pleasantly surprised and happy when he listened, accepted my feelings and hoped he hadn't made me uncomfortable. We had an actual talk and came out on the other side as still being friends. More people need to have that kind of maturity and respect for people.
That guy clearly doesn't understand how to draw boundaries. I never think about dating my female friends.
Omg, cried with laughing at the fire nation quote 😂
i love how guys think it's so awful, like "this chick friend zoned me and it hurt"
no, you know what hurts? thinking you've legitimately got a good friend who cares about you as a human being, but all the while they were just manipulating you, hoping to get into your pants, and the second you tell them you don't feel that way, then suddenly, they don't want to be your friend anymore, because they were never actually your friend in the first place, they were just lying to you, hoping to use you to get what they wanted, and they never actually gave a damn about you, because you're not even a person to them, you're just body parts they want to use.
that shit hurts.
A million thanks to the Speech Prof for redirecting so many b.s. videos that are purely bad intel.
Your sincerity and genuine care that humans are kind to each other is refreshing. Brave on, sir.✊
I’m so confused by his claim that these men realize they’re “getting nothing in return.” Didn’t he just describe all of the benefits of friendship that they are getting out of their friendship…?
He clearly only values you as a woman if you play with his penis. I'm spelling it out so it sounds as pathetic and shallow as it is.
Yes, it's all about value. The video guy didn't value anything that woman did for him because all he valued (to the extent he was capable of in his emotional immaturity) was the sex he wanted to get from her.
Heartbreak isn't an excuse to treat people like crap.
Thank you! As a male I wish I had been shown this video 25 years ago. I was not given relationship advice from my parents or older brothers. As a shy person lacking the confidence to directly approach a girl/woman, I built friendships. Movies and shows in the 90's taught me that friends often evolve into romantic relationships but if they don't they often just end (except in the show "Friends", which unfortunately reinforced a LOT that friends can became romantically involved, but thankfully it did also show several variations of that, including it not working out right away, and that they can still be friends after that). I cherish those friendships I had, and have, but because of what I learned from media I took some of the lack of those relationships not evolving into "more" as a rejection of sorts. I did not, and do not, resent those women and did not end my friendships with them when I didn't see any signs of reciprocation of feelings, not even the few times I was more direct and was told they didn't share my feelings. I probably missed out on some beautiful things by not being up front when I started having feelings. I also missed out on learning about rejection and being able to move on from my unrequited feelings instead of holding on to them for far too long.
I still like getting to know people outside of the dating scene. Interacting with people when they are more authentic has always been a joy. Being able to healthily express interest and maturely handle the response is very important and I can still have friends afterwards. However, I took from these perceived "rejections" that I was not worthy of love. So when a woman did show interest in me, I was blind to ALL the red flags that I was never taught about in relationships. If they said they loved me, I believed it. Despite their actions showing otherwise. 6 kids and 20 abused years (where ALL my relationships with women I was not related to were swiftly ended due to her tortured history of a cheating father and cheating boyfriends), I am now a single father and am working to heal myself and my children. Through therapy, open communication and showing them things like this to help them understand how things should work, and the problems that still exist out there. I work with my kids a lot on entitlement and the problems with it, but here I just learned about my own entitlement issue of 25 years that I wasn't even aware of and all the ways it showed up in my life and unfortunately still does! Like I said, I'm working on it, but I gotta get my kids there first before they make the same mistakes. My personal growth can wait a little longer. I appreciate what you're doing and I have also learned so much from the comments section!
There was one time where I hung out with a girl to just be friends with her then I got to know her more and I fell in love so I hung out more with her to get to know her more and found out she liked someone else so I decided to stay her friend while I still love her, I think she is so cool that I want to be friends with her rather than not know her and it's still that way and I still love her
I'm an aromantic trans woman who grew up with a horrible amount of this toxic masculine "manipulate your friends into being in love with you" bullshit. If it wasn't for a huge turn around that led me to realizing that I was actually a girl who didn't even feel the traditional notion of love, I'd be one of those poor, unhappy men who think that the only reason nobody loves them is because they aren't enough of an asshole. Unfortunately, I'm still in the process of rewiring my brain. Being an "alpha male" with a porn addiction for so long doesn't take kindly to "actually maybe I fucked some shit way up somewhere". There's the internalized "women are objects" mentality and "you have to play the 'game' even if you don't want to" shit, which both suck because of my newfound identity and romantic attraction issues.
This shit doesn't just fuck up straight men and women, it fucks up everyone.
this.
@@TheRDHR okay, it's been a year. This comment has since grown marginally less accurate. I am not aromantic, I am merely autistic. But yeah everything else is true. Porn addiction is still kicking around but I've mostly got a lot of this sorted out since then. Mostly just been focusing on myself and school. It also helps that I'm not suffering really bad depression •
@@Deadflower019a lot of talk about "porn addiction" is just purity culture. Unless you can point to a concrete problem caused by your porn watching habits, there is really nothing to worry about. Just watching a lot of porn is not an issue in and of itself. It can feel like there is something compelling you to watch porn but that's usually just your sex drive, baby!
If it does cause actual problems, it's usually not helpful to get into a mindset of "either I quit porn altogether or I will not be able to solve this problem" instead try to focus on modifying your habits around porn so that you can solve the problem.
Like for example if you watch porn to procrastinate on important tasks, try to get better at not procrastinating and instead watch all that porn in your spare time. Or if porn contributes to weird ways of thinking about women and relationships, that you're trying to overcome, then try looking up some feminist porn, there's some great stuff out there (it usually costs money tho)
I can't remember who originally said this but I remember something along the lines of "Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out."
So I was talking to someone who felt they were friendzoned and I think there's a part that people are missing when they give advice about this. If you have a friend who's taking advantage of you then you need to set up better boundaries. Like, there are lots of things I would do for a partner and not for a friend. If they are asking for things that you aren't comfortable doing for them as a friend then say no.
I remember when I was little, sometime in my tweens, a boy who was probably 3 years older than me confessed that he had feelings for me over text. I didn't know him in real life, but the way he said it made me feel bad for him, and I tried to convince myself to reciprocate those feelings because I cared for his well being as a friend. I thought it was my responsibility to do that (because of being people pleasing and a low-empathy autistic that I didn't know anything about at the time). My father found out and put a stop to that, deleted what I was using to text him on so I didn't have contact with him anymore. My dad never explained what was wrong with that situation, and I dont think he even cared to explain it if he even understood it at all. I know better now, and even though it was my father pulled me out of that situation, he missed the opportunity to teach me something, and I eventually repeated that same mistake 2 more times.
I'm a gamer and I can't even count how many times I've been the girl in that story. The villain that broke their heart. It happened so many times that nowadays when I meet new people and recognize that it is turning into a new friendship I now within the first 3 days lay the line that I am married so all we can ever be is friends and because I know people can feel hurt being in the friendzone I want them to know as a heads up so if they aren't interested in a platonic friendship then they can walk away and I won't be upset or anything. They say they appreciate the heads up and they're totally fine being friends. Sometimes they are even married themselves but stiiill after like 3 months of talking I get the "I think I love you" talk. It's a shame and it sucks to hurt people that you considered a friend and had fun with and that you grew to care about. It does also not help that far too many gamers have a fantasy of having a gamer gf. I'm sure some of my former guy friends liked that dudes video because some of them get dramatic or aggressive as hell saying I lead them on and that I am cruel.
are you flirting with these guys? please keep in mind that the way guys talk to each other might be very different from the way you are talking to your guy friends.
@@jasonnewby You don’t have to flirt at all when you’re a woman. Especially around gamers. You joke and laugh and kill bosses together they start making a fantasy about you.
Some guys just feel entitled to you, and sadly gamer boys often don’t have the social skills to separate fantasy from reality. Even when you’re married and just treated them as a guildie.
This is so good. Thank you for making this video. It applies to anyone who is upset by "the friendzone." It hurts but you can choose to move on when it becomes obvious they aren't interested. Or, just be happy to be their friend for real.
As someone once put it: she put you in the "friend zone" while you put her in the "f*ck zone"
"That's called friendship. You made a friend!" ☺️
Exactly. 👏👏👏
Your sense of unrequited love is never the other person's responsibility.
The amount of times a guy will mistake kindness for interest is also boggling. I'm ace, and I've been making it explicitly clear to people that I'm not interested in dating in general at the time being. I do things that typical close friends would do, like invite the group over to mine to play games, offer a shoulder and advice if they're troubled, share snacks etc. Its fairly common for one of my guy friends to catch feelings from this. I get it, you can't control your emotions and I'm 100% okay with continuing to be friends as if nothings happened, but it's when they try to make it my fault that I'm not reciprocating, or pressure me to reciprocate, that's when the problems happen.
The entitlement ... how DARE she fail to realize that she was interacting with the universe's main character.
🙄
That’s called friendship… you made a friend 😂😂😂
If I get friendzoned than I keep her as a friend and try to meet other girls through her . I know it requires lot of self control but it's rewarding .
@@debanikgoswami4834 Why does that require self control? She’s not a piece of birthday cake at work you need self control to not eat. You’re talking about a person who wants to be your friend and nothing more. Where is the self control in that? Meeting new people who you might want to date and who might want to date you through friends is great but what are you having to control to get a “reward”?
@@user-uy8xf9tm5h Harsh truth is almost every guy (unless he is gay or ace) wants to attract women . Some guys use redpill( PUA) strategy and others use bluepill strategy. For example - speech prof was waiting for his female friend to become single so he can latch onto her . He is ashamed of his sexuality that he found her attractive ( so that it doesn't look like he is objectifying her) .
This is not a new phenomenon. Back when I was young and cute, I worked retail in a military town. I was never looking for a guy (was married), but I had regular customers I would look forward to talking with when they would come in. I thought I had friends.
When inevitably the guy would suddenly push for a romantic relationship out of nowhere.... I always felt betrayed. When talking to other women, I would say that he " turned on me"...I
guess like a werewolf. I was always so sad because clearly, it was not ME they liked. At least, not me as a person. They were out for something.
"you made a friend" this man is honestly the best combination of wise and wholesome and Im loving it!
Lord!!!!! Anyone who blames another person, because they are NOW not a good person, because of them, is pathetic! Great passive aggresive BS. And... loved his filter 😬😬😬 🙄
Spitting straight facts. This kind of person has no idea what platonic care and love is, and I’m sad for them. They will never know a true friend because they are afraid to open up to anyone. This person is probably so sad, because they believe that a romantic relationship is the only kind there is. Let people be friends, and don’t use your lack of nuance in your world view and relationships to justify being awful to women
I’ve always considered romantic relationships an extension of friendship itself. Like, my husband is my best friend but I also get the bonus of kissing and snuggling him every night.
When men say they couldn’t imagine living without her, but then ditch her as soon as their romantic feelings weren’t reciprocated and now, “She’s the reason I’m an asshole,”, it amazes me that they absolutely can’t see the irony. They never valued her to begin with, and, instead, treated her like a goal instead of a person who’s life extends outside of theirs. They were never nice people because deceptive is not being nice and decent.
Generally speaking, if you truly valued them as a person, you wouldn't be seeing the friend zone as a massive failure because at least you can still have some type of relationship with them. The fact that people like him can't see that says a lot more about them.
The biggest disappointment in my life has been and will always be, the one guy I thought was my friend was only being nice to me so he could get in my pants. And people wonder why women have trust issues.
I had no idea how much I needed this video in my life. Hearing those words made me feel such a sense of catharsis.
"..until the fire nation attacked." I can't escape avatar even if I tried 😭😭
Blaming people for not reading your mind is a total narc move.
PROFESSOR! "You made a friend!' You're so damn great 😁🤣
“That’s called friendship. You made a friend.”
😂👏
"He knows his worth now"... Funny how the same thing can happen to people and they just react differently. One day, that guy (I had a massive crush one) and I were dancing and he told me very kindly that it wasn't because he didn't want to date me that I was worth less than any another girl, and that the girl he wanted to date couldn't think she was better than me because he wanted to date her, meaning his interest into her wasn't adding her extravalue.
He flippin' blew my mind...
1/ that breaks the fairytale propaganda that you have to be worth it to deserve attention. No you are worth it full stop (BTW if you need it today read it twice 😉)
2/ a good, nice person, will never make you feel like interesting them is by any mean a way to valorize yourself or themselves. That's just a way narcissists will trap you.
3/ we didn't keep touch because I didn't want to be his friend, and that's OK too. Both sides acknowledged their feelings and got their feelings acknowledged, and I'd be forever grateful for that dance.
3/ I didn't start to hate anyone, or blame any gender for a single experience with a unique individual of this gender, I genuinely think this rejection made me a better person.
The “giving you advice when you were into someone else…” ok so let me get this straight- she was up front and honest about her feelings of not being attracted to you in that way? And why did she seek your advice? Because she believed you to be her friend. Wow, just wow.
“Giving everything and getting nothing” nah fam. You might have been giving more than you really wanted, hoping that you’d get a pay-out like life is a store you can buy relationships from, but you were far from getting nothing. You were getting friendship
"If you don't wanna to be friends with somebody, don't be their friend."
Just, honestly, Prof... 🤯 If guys took that advice, the world would change over night. It is psychotic levels of crazy that this simple and obvious statement is frankly the crux of so many hurtful relationships.
It amazes me the entitlement of some people. If you like a person tell them, if they say no thank you, then there you go, you can move on. Does that change who they are? Only if you weren't really their friend in the first place. You could still be their friend because the things you liked about them haven't changed unless, of course you were objectifying them and didn't actually want the friendship they were offering.
It's been said in these comments a hundred times and way more eloquently than I could ever manage, but it really is soul-destroying when you think you have a true friend and they suddenly turn on you after you don't want to sleep with them. It feels like the entire friendship was an elaborate scam to get something from you that was never part of the deal, because they think if they act like a friend for long enough, they've "earned" you. It sucks even more when you tell them upfront that you aren't interested in dating anyone and they pretend to accept it.
I wish I could say that happened to me only once.
Every time it broke my heart worse than any break-up.
@@Justbreatheinhalexale honestly same, it's happened more times than I can count and it hurts just as much every time. I think it feels worse because with a relationship you know that breaking up is a possibility, but with a "best friend" you kind of expect to be there for each other for life or at least a long time. I have a "friend" like that atm who's started making it clear that he likes me (despite the firm boundaries I've set) and I know I'll have to cut him off soon if he doesn't stop being creepy but he was such a huge part of my life and support system, it's devastating. Suddenly he's gone from chatting about life to giving me constant uncomfortable compliments about my looks/body and it's awful because I miss what I thought we had as friends.
@@Justbreatheinhalexale also I'm really sorry that it's happened to you, it really sucks. I wish it didn't happen to anyone
It always confuses me when they talk about how they gave so much and got nothing in return. Why exactly were they expecting something in return? The purpose of giving is to be a kind person and a good friend. You shouldn't be kind to someone else because you want and expect something in return. You should be kind for the sake of being kind.
The problem is they did get something in return! They got friendship, love and kindness in return, they got a whole relationship with a person, just not the kind they wanted. They wanted one specific thing in return that they didn't get, but in their manipulation, they couldn't even ask for it until they got the woman to return kindness and affection and trust and friendship. If they ask for what they really want, the illusion is shattered because then the woman realizes his kindness and affection was just a way to manipulate her into "catching feelings" and hopefully make her fear losing him so much she would sleep with him when he finally makes his intentions clear.
@@jasperhernandez7364 that isn't love. Sex isn't love. There is lots of love in friendship. If he actually wanted love, he would be thrilled to be in a friendship! Nobody is entitled to shit from another person, and I never claimed that women were entitled to friendship either.
I think you have huge comprehension issues, you don't seem to understand anything.
If a guy offers friendship and a woman accepts it, that isn't entitlement on the women's part. What is entitlement is offering "friendship" to someone and thinking that they owe you sex if they accept your "friendship".
Women aren't expecting men to offer friendship if they don't want to. It would be nice, but I rather men don't pretend to want friendship, when they are actually just an a-hole that only wants to try to get in my pants.
@@jasperhernandez7364 wtf do you think we are talking about? You are so lost and confused, poor thing.
We are talking about men who "complain" or more like berate women, about the "friend zone" because the woman who is supposedly "putting them" in the "friend zone" only sees them as a platonic friend and not as a potential sexual partner.
In these cases it's usually boys and men who pretend to be a girl or woman's friend in hopes that they will eventually want to have a sexual relationship with him. When that doesn't happen, suddenly the guy turns on her and starts berating and belittling her, revealing that he was never really her friend and was only trying to manipulate her emotions so that he might guilt her into sleeping with him because he feels he is entitled to it because he was nice to her for long enough for her to consider him a friend.
In order to consider someone a friend you have to feel love, caring and appreciation for them. Just because it isn't sexual doesn't mean it isn't genuine. What isn't genuine is pretending to be someone's friend while having an ulterior motive. What is entitled is thinking that just because you acted like a friend you are entitled to more than friendship.
@@jasperhernandez7364 also, I had to assume what you meant because your writing is terrible. Nothing you wrote makes actual sense. At least make the minimum effort to proofread what you write to be at least a little coherent.
Accepting friendship is not the same as feeling entitled to friendship. Get your head out of your ass.
Nobody is saying that men owe women friendship. Men are saying that women owe them sex for their friendship. If you can't see the difference then I understand why you are having so much difficulty writing and I'm sorry your parents were so closely related.
@@jasperhernandez7364 claramente el Inglés no es su idioma principal, y por su nombre asumo que eres hispano. Si prefiere, porque claramente no dominas el Inglés, puedes escribir en Español, ya que también soy hispanoparlante. Si necesitas que te explique en Español, también, porque parece que no entiendes nada, como no se te entiende nada.
In short: you ruined my life by not being manipulated into returning my feelings.
If someone not liking you back “haunts you for the rest of your life” you definitely have an ego/ narcissism issue.
Can’t these guys just act accordingly to their age? Rejection is a part of life and you don’t have the right to a woman’s vagina for behaving like a normal human being. Is it that hard to understand???
“And getting nothing” is crazy after he just said “never had to ask for effort, always showed you, there for you any chance they can get”
'I do believe you, 100% , that I'm not going to like it' every 'lady' felt that.
And also every guy that's thinking not another ones of these entitled idiots I'm starting to hate my own gender