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GASLIGHTING 101
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 14. 08. 2024
- In today's video, we'll be diving into the confusing world of gaslighting. I will explained what gaslighting is and what it is not, some common gaslighting phrases, and I will explain the main reasons why narcissists and sociopaths gaslight others, as well as why people without mental disorders gaslight. At the end of this video, I will provide 5 tell-tale signs that you are being gaslighted.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
What is Gaslighting? (0:45)
5 Reasons Narcissists Gaslight (4:38)
Why Sociopaths Gaslight (5:51)
Why "Normal" People Gaslight (6:19)
A Pattern of Behavior (8:57)
The Mindset Behind Gaslighting (9:45)
5 Signs You're Being Gaslighted (10:41)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist
The weirdest thing about looking back on the period when I was gaslit is that I have two parallel timelines of memories. One supported by facts and evidence, the other being only supported by what she told me to believe. Both of them are equally "real" to me.
Wow! I feel the exact same way. Many times there were multiple people who believed, and remember exactly what I remember and she still tells a different story.
Yep. In my case her false reality was reinforced with violence if I ever challenged it. So even though I knew it was a lie and had concrete evidence proving it, my physical safety was contingent on *never* challenging her false narrative. So suddenly that false reality was actually more important than what actually happened. The truth brought me hell while my safety was tied to her lies so it became existentially important for me to hold both in my head at all times. The truth was my private hold on sanity, but the lie was what I was forced to co-sign to stay alive and safe. Gaslighting is really nasty business.
Scary isn't it, this is how children "split" and become borderline in my opinion.. when their parents use this behaviour on them. Just my opinion.
@@mrnelsonius5631 We were eating dinner when I challenged her narrative. I remember asking my Ex, do you feel like stabbing me? Then I got up pulled a knife from the butcher block, sat it beside her and sat down in my chair. Twice, she looked at the knife and looked back at me, then continued eating. I put the knife away. Kept thinking, "If she grabs that knife, I'm gonna have to 'end' her." This was a woman I fell deeply in love with. All I could see was the dream girl I married. While she slowly changed into a monster, I didn't even notice until I got out.
In addition it possible that the alternative version it repeated countless times to your personal family close friends immediate family church members or social circles faster than imagined incorporating flying monkeys as their army of influence information.
Itâs an long journey pressing through the swampy terrain.
God can help!
Scriptural revelations in studies to obtain wisdom from God and Good Pastor can help navigate this process of understanding the truth.
The Bible says Know the truth and the truth will set you free.
Itâs liberating to know truth is still standing when everything else begins to crumble. I realize that doesnât help much in that immediate argument situation but replaying the truth in your mind while holding firm to it and not following emotions, threatening or the barometer check because they are feeling rejected about their sense of control all the time.
The uncomfortable part is apologizing for the 10-50% that we did inappropriately if we did and just apologize for that portion alone. Leaving them with their own portion to be accountable for the behavior, yelling, lies, destroying, backstabbing, Etc is on them selves
POV: you've been so gaslit for so many years that you worry when watching this that *you're* the gaslighter, despite all evidence to the contrary
Thank god someone said it or Iâd think I was the only one.
Yikes I was just thinking this same thing đđ
The most astonishing thing is realizing that the person actually may actually believe their delusional false unreality. Itâs a serious problem either way of course. Intentionally gaslighting is evil, but subconsciously gaslighting is terrible too.
The gaslighting for me was the most difficult thing to get a clear understanding of. I thought she was just being a %^&&^ or seriously had "different memory" about facts. Took me quite some time to realise it was a slow coherent "tactic" to wear me down. Never questioned my own sanity though. When i "saw" it i knew i had to get the f...out and never looked back. Also great reminder to NEVER communicate verbally after you run. Use email !
people are capable of self-gaslighting
This is about gaslighting, sounds like you're gaslighting
My friend's husband tried to commit her into a psychiatric hospital telling her doctor that she was seeing things and crying non stop. The truth was she was depressed because of his affair with his *brother's wife. In order to prevent her from exposing them, he make up stories about her to his relatives and her doctor that she is seeing things, hearing voices that did not exist ! Fortunately for her she took flight, went back to her dad's house a thousand miles away. That was 10 years ago, she is đŻ percent well now no more depression , got back on her feet , and finally got her divorce. Some evil people will have no qualms about sacrificing you just to keep their dirty secret from being exposed.
When you said "writing things down," I almost fell out of my chair. I buried that list where nobody could find it. Somehow, she did. Which means she was rifling deep through my belongings. Talk about making one paranoid!
My spouse did that when I was inpatient at hospital for diverticulitis!
I can't wait to get away from this wacko
Paranoid stuff drives me away!!!!
omg all this has been happening to me for so long now , and i didnt know what it was called untill just now . i need to escape this toxic relationship im in. đ±
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. Thatâs what makes them so cruel. If theyâre capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if theyâre capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing youâre in pain and looking for answers, if theyâre capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if theyâre capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate youâŠthen why in the world wouldnât they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. Theyâre known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldnât go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes heâs so slick that the other personâs name will actually come up in conversations, if youâre paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. âI canât stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I canât believe the things she wears sometimes.â Itâs a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. Itâs also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while youâre not yet aware of this personâs role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that theyâre leaving you for âthat Karenâ theyâll be overjoyed. If youâre with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They canât even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly canât be trusted with your heart. Additionally, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. men cheat as much as women do. If you're suspecting your husband of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on him of him without him knowledge of his. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
I have found going to therapy to be incredibly helpful, especially in conjunction with watching your videos. My wife, who I suspect is a covert narcissist, overheard me discussing reactive abuse and now that she knows I am aware of her behavior, she has become less harassing and manipulative. Instead, she has entered a quieter phase, which I find quite amusing. Initially, she did not think therapy would actually help me understand what was happening and find a way out of this situation without labeling me as crazy. However, I am grateful to have found support and guidance in therapy to navigate through this challenging dynamic.đ
Watch out. Sheâs probably in a shame spiral. Itâs not the kind of healthy shame that leads to changed behavior. Itâs the toxic kind that leads to doubling down. Once she comes out of it, sheâll be back with a vengeance. Sheâll probably resort to more hostile tactics typical of an overt narcissist such as screaming in your face. Her needs for constant validation havenât gone anywhere. Shes just changing tactics. Be careful!!
@@Cowface I have observed a notable change in her countenance, displaying a profound sense of emptiness that I have never witnessed throughout our 24 years together. Additionally, I noticed that she recently transferred funds from her bank account, specifically from our savings. This leads me to believe that she may be anticipating some action on my part. It seems evident that her silence and withdrawal signify a strategic retreat to reassess and potentially launch another form of attack. In response, I am considering the decision to sell both our property and personal belongings, relocating across the state, and entrusting the legal matters to attorneys. If circumstances progress as anticipated, this action may become necessary in due time.
@@JamesNGames good luck and I love your writing style, it reads like the exposition of a novel
@@Cowface Thank you for your kind words and support! I'm glad to hear that you enjoy my writing style. It's always my goal to create engaging and immersive content. Your comparison to the exposition of a novel is truly flattering. I appreciate your encouragement and wish you all the best in your own endeavors! đ
My son went through the same thing to the point of distress, and self harm, and his mental health deteriorated she called him crazy saying Iâd he got help everything would be ok and pushed his buttons and then called his reactions abuse! Then because there was conflict in front of the children she called in police and social services which made him feel like a criminal, he never laid a finger on her and he loves his 5 children
He bought a beautiful big house 4 months ago, sheâs filed for divorce and he feels free from all this toxicity but heâs been kicked out of his beautifully home that he worked so hard for and put a non tmolestaion order on him so they canât even speak and work things out and heâs barely seen the children because sheâs saying heâs been abusive, itâs so easy these days for a woman to say this in marriage conflicts and the man is not believed itâs now going to court so he can get access to his children
The children is all thatâs keeping him going now and God helping him đą
Be careful her withdrawing is her playing victim and then sheâll start telling people youâre an abuser,
Wow. I had all these at my former place of work with my boss. No wonder I feel exponentially better after leaving that place.
The funny thing about my experience with gaslighters is that I've never bought into their lies enough to question my perception of reality because I've always been aware that people are very often just completely full of shit
5 Signs you're being Gaslighted: (psychologically manipulated over a good while and even show dependency on the abuser)
1. Feeling you're entering the twightlight zone. The relationship is happening in a different realm of the twightlight zone.
2. Feeling of losing your mind and doubting and ruminating the validation of your reality. Questioning if something really happened. What you heard, what you saw, what you remembered. Wondering if you are too sensitive or insecure. And on and on.
3. Constantly questing your judgement and struggling to make decisions.
4. Constantly apologizing, feeling confused, questioning yourself if you did wrong and apologizing.
5. Saving evidence to not lose your mind.
losing, lose - not loosing, loose
@@dayinthelifeofmycat you're right! Thanks, just corrected it
6. Or maybe you have a mental disorder or smoked too much weed as a kid and nothing is actually planned against you at all and life is just shit sometimes.
@@someguysomeone1209 that sounds like gaslighting
@@jorgesanf everything sounds like gaslighting to paranoid nutjobs
Lise, the topic of the "Devouring Mother" is of particular interest to me. One website states: "âThe Devouring Mother âconsumesâ her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.â You do such an amazing job of articulating your points in your videos; I feel you could really shed some insight on this. I imagine that the devouring mother type is yet another extension of narcissism since it is born out of complete selfishness, to the short and long-term detriment of the child. Thank you.
Thank you for this suggestion! I talk about this a bit in my video titled: ânarcissists who use guilt to control youâ
The Kali female archetype I find very useful for understanding. Alongside the Loki male archetype.
Please make. A video as suggested, I need yo help my son whose mother is still keeping in her bed. Almost 8 yrs
Every point covered here fits my experience with my spouse from my first marriage and my current spouse. Iâm discovering that I have been experiencing CPTSD for many years of my life and having been in relationships with covert narcissistic spouses has contributed greatly to my mental health being severely affected. Iâm grateful for the help and support I have found through resources like yourself that are helping me with recovery and healing. Thank you so much!
Lise, you have no idea how helpful you are to us men out here. God continue to bless you đ€đ€đ€
I can't begin to thank you, for the way you unravel some of the behaviours i've had from others. I'd been confused for years. â€
This is a classic tactic that Lise is describing and just a sliver of the many ways a person with NPD uses to control and manipulate you. Over time these tactics can really do a number on you as you may be trying to make your relationship work. I was easy going and agreeable as my girlfriend was really fun and nice in the beginning. Not ever hearing about this disorder that Lise describes so well, I was taken on the ride from hell with 4 cycles of the sweet vs mean cycle over 2 years of my life with no explanation for breakups but sure enough, she always came around to get back together but with increasing leverage over me each time. She was like a diabolical scientist and I was her subject. I was lucky as we were engaged to be married and despite the cycle of love bombing leading to the inevitable discard I was baffled but one day when she had an unwarranted outburst, I literally had a feeling, not in my head or heart but in my gut and it said..... walk away , no... run and don't look back and never talk to her again because she will find a way back to you after she gets tired of using other victims for her narcissistic supply. It was really sad and it was difficult to carry out the idea of no contact , particularly since I did not know about this disorder but in retrospect and finding Lise's explanations here, all the pieces of the puzzle fit in place. It was a costly experience in many ways but I was lucky listening to my gut which said something is really off here. Do yourself a favor and don't think that you can make it work or you can overcome the problem with love and affection because you can't, it only makes thing even worse. Just leave and don't look back because these types have no heart or empathy.
It feels as though you have been following me and my wife around for 4 years or so. You have enlightened me to where I can manage my interactions with her so much more effectively having watched many videos of yours. I think I may regain & maintain my sanity.
My ex wife in an argument would always attack me when I mentioned anything from the past that related to what we were currently fighting about. She would lose her $hit. Not that I felt good about that but I brought it up to point out a pattern of behavior that she was exhibiting. How do you have a debate/ argument/ discussion about anything without referencing absolutely nothing?
This again is so reassuring and i could rattle off a dozen situations with my ex for each one of your points. Thanks Lise, i eventually made the break but am so thankful to dip into your advice now and then on the painful road to getting myself back. It's the gaslighting element that forced me to make a change. Your so called loved one can literally watch you suffer and go out of your mind and in emotional pain trying to deal with what you know is a lie, and they give you such a heartfelt performance when cornered, that you literally could not imagine someone going to that level of effort to deceive their partner. In doing so, they also grant you the rare privilege of giving away some emotional insight, something you realise you've been craving and never get. But it's controlled very carefully, portrayed as a concession, and you've lost again. She's indulged your needy behaviour now shut up and suck it up. Even when you know she's ultimately been a victim pre adult, they don't want your help, love or concern and they catch a lot of good wise people that way.
You just described elements of my (ex-) marriage. In a way I hadn't been able to. Thank you.
GASLIGHTING IS REAL.
If a person calls you âcrazyâ or is making you think youâre losing your mind, thatâs a major red flag of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is real. Whether itâs a boss, a partner, a parent or a friend - the abuse happens gradually, and sneaks up on you - one small lie, manipulation or rude comment at a time - until all of a sudden you wonder if youâre actually losing your mind.
Before you blame yourself - look for the signs:
If they call you crazy.
If they lie to you, and deny it.
If they get defensive and angry when you show them proof.
If they use the things that matter to you as emotional ammunition.
If they make snide comments. (Why are you pursuing that business, youâll never be successful).
If they accuse you of changing your mind all the time and make you feel âemotionalâ or unworthy.
Youâre not crazy. Theyâre gaslighting you. Leave.
35 years of marriage and two (wonderful) kids all the while wondering "What happened to Me?". I now know and the blinders are off. She wasted my life to live out her sense of reality which is so far from the truth as to be shameful. Everything that was "me" before our marriage no longer exists in my life and I have just taken the first steps toward remembering who I am.
My ex lady said and done all those things to me. I found out the perfect way to deal with it though. I told her she needed to find a new place to live. Since then no more - eye rolls - your too sensitive, defensive ,terrible memory etc . Life is great now.
That recording and taking notes was something I was doing to help me recover. Seems my journey and recovery is being undermined every step of the way. Have been doing so many remarkable and amazing things, trying to lift people up, trying to ensure those around me not only are safe, but feel safe. Even though these days there is always an "enemy" of some kind that needs to be "sorted out". Wierd world we live in. Darkest of nights right now.
I really do, however, value this video. As I listen I am beginning to see that I have THEIR reality stuck in my mind! My life needs to be about something else than about how they won over me. It takes a lot of awareness to get more into this stage and this video actually helps a lot! Thank you.
It might also be about making you surrender in a topic you both know you were right, thus establishing dominance!
The fact she specifically brought up providing proof really hit home cause I literally just got done with an argument trying to point out they're gaslighting and I really need to record them when we have this happen. Which they responded in kind with extra dramatics and emphasis of "do it! Hold me accountable! Do it!" in an aggressive fashion...đźâđšđą
4:10 gaslighting and awareness...
*Lying done unconsciously:*
Defense mechanism (stil, sick behaviour, watch out. This can bring so much problems and suffering)
*Lying done consciously:*
Manipulation
I think it is a misnomer that narcissistic traits are on a continuum. Either you are willing to live that way or you are committed to being authentic. Trying to twist the reality of someone else is not just a little narcissistic. Even if you don't want to admit something, it does not mean you are willing to warp someone else's reality. And trying to get someone to believe what you want and not their own take is evil if you benefit from it in some perceived way, especially when it has to do with that person's beliefs about themselves.
You have a way of explaining things that makes me actually feel some compassion for the narcissist in my life as well not take things so personally.
Evasive answers and when you would like more specific answers, youre accused of bullying. Questions like where did you go and with whom is bullying apparently.
My best friend (not anymore) without those mental disorders laughed at me and then he flat out told me that he did not insult me, and that my feelings are just an âillusionâ.
I went to a BPD in group person session. I didnât have a good time. I shared too much during the session. I told my friend. He said I was âHoggingâ the conversation and that the facilitator was correct and that I was making a big deal out of things. I told him I was insulted, that it is not a laughing matter. He told me he did not laugh, so I sent him a screenshot of his laughing emojis, to which he read my message and then deflected the conversation. Today I told him that I am tired, and that I need to move on.
Recording conversations or taking notes to make sure you aren't going crazy ? Hahahahahahaha... I laugh as a maladaptive coping mechanism so that I don't cry. I have journals and digital folders full of recordings proving that I was right about what was said. My therapist upon learning this has asked me why I feel the need to gather evidence about what I already know is true. I don't know .. I guess it is the only validation that I can get because she definitely isn't going to admit that she lied in order to dodge responsibility and accountability.
Gathering voice recordings would go a long way during a divorce. If you're just dating then it's pretty useless and you should drop them and not even think about being with that person long term.
This is what I think I need to do. Did you get a small voice and/or video-voice recorder?
@@hurricaneaquatics Not sure how I would use them in our divorce. Without years of context, a recording of gaslighting looks like cherry picking instances of the other person being wrong. Like Sunday she told me that that I had been unreasonable when I said we should schedule sex about three times a week that it was an unrealistic commitment for any couple. I sent her the first half dozen articles that come up after a search for "scheduling sex" yesterday and now she never told me that it was unrealistic. Two gaslights for the price of one... I have both recorded, but it just looks like two simple errors of fact that she made during an argument.
@@toddb930 I use the voice recorder app on my phone.
@@toddb930 I use my cell phone. I have a shortcut on the menu that I turn on then when it's done it uploads to the cloud. Cell phone won't be expected and it doesn't need to be right on top of them to record.
Thank you Lisa you've been a blessing to me
You explain things so clearly. Thank you!
Cheers from Siberia,you r a very affable personđ
†Good job đ , you are helping a lot of people with you time and work , thanks, thanks , thanks đ.
Love the new hair
You had my FULL attention for this episode! It certainly helped to validate something for me. Thank you Lise. đ
Lise, love your choice of movie parts . Please play them a little longer đ. Excellent content
So true. Thank you so much. â€
5/5. Thank you
This was very helpful. Thank you
Another great video. đđŻ
on point! thank you
An interesting approach by me ex-gf. She was very eager to be introduced to all my friends and family... but very hesitant to introduce me to her friends. After 3 1/2 years of being with her... I was introduced to 1 couple 1 time. She did introduce me to her kids but later on I found out that they all had very similar outlook on what was their reality. I have some very close friends but not many, and she met almost all of them except for my buddy who lives about 1,500 miles away. Not that we meet all the time (due to distance and family situations) but we discuss everything and we share each others lives.
The one person in my life is my young teenage daughter... and for her... my ex-gf started telling me how bad/unruly/wild my daugher was and how she needed to be disciplined. Events around my daughter had 2 distinct stories... hers (ex-gf) and mine.
This is so helpful!
My husband was gaslit by his therapist until he had a breakdownâŠâŠ and during that breakdown he screamed at a marriage therapist about how he wanted a divorce and his therapist said he didnâtâŠ..at the top of his lungs. Hr then found a lawyer who knew he was having a break down, and shouldnt of taken the case. I watched her gaslite the judge.
Please pray he wakes up. Ive done my best. My therapist said he needed an intervention but no one would help. They all went silent.
Been through a sort of relationship (for a lack of a better word) with someone that I ended up believing - after maybe hundreds of hours of trying to educate myself - is suffering from CPTSD (justifiably so and very unfortunate for her) and what I ended up understanding to be BPD, with what I would understand to be some NPD traits.
Except for no.4 - apologizing - I have been through all of the other signs. At some point I resorted to no.5 - gathering evidence - for myself. Just to be sure I can go back and listen again to make sure I understood correctly what I have heard and listened in the moment, as there was a huge amount of talking from her towards me...
I would not call it gaslighting though - even if a professional might call it as such. I see it as witholding or dancing around the truth, in cases where I got to know the truth - and it hurt, badly - and that me hearing that truth might hurt me an make me go away from her life, which for her might be unacceptable.
Also, exagerating her role in the narations of some events and groups, in order for her to paint herself as playing an important role there.
It's a very long story. To sum up, at some point I decided to go to therapy. And it works.
wow, spot on for my relationship.
Thank you posting this. It is really helpful.
Thanks!
Thank you Randall, I value your support!
You nail it very time so impressive. Thank you for the validation.
Hi there! Love your videos. Would you talk a loud BPD males. I noticed itâs mostly about females and in one video from 11 months ago the 7 stages of BPD relationship you mentioned you will make video about males. I didnât see that video. Thank you so much.
I think certain community guidelines rules can also lead to a type of gaslighting especially when a board staff member doesn't respond to a blogger's help.
I experienced this countless times in the 10 years my female covert narcissist/sociopath was in my life. And of course itâs only one facet of the myriad of terrible things they do to you.
Oh yea they planned a mental attack on you for 10 years lol hanging out with you all that time giving sex or whatever just to play a mind game. LOL you crazy fool. You just had a bad relationship. The chances you had some active plan against you for 10yrs is zero LMAO
Excellent dissertation on Gas Lighting. I look forward to your posts and appreciate what you do in helping with the awareness of narccisism. I wanted to ask a question that has been puizzling me somewhat. Can a narcissist have multiple targets, or are there any examples that they can or have. Everywhere that I have learned, it is one target only, but I am curious as to whether there are any examples of them having 2 targets simultaneously? Interesting to learn that people can be conscious of their gas lighting versus people that do it more impulsively. Thanks Lise.
Mine actually listened. Sheâd pick out certain real things Iâd notice (ex. Time when things happened) and stuck him in her lies.
I know, that my wife has hidden/disposed of things that she knows have meaning to me. The trouble is, I was so traumatised by the relationship that I doubted my own memories and was genuinely afraid of the likely consequences (including potential violence) of confronting her that I felt unable to deal with it. It was only until there were two separate occasions when I made a point of noting where things had been placed and then waiting for her to say something when they went missing ( like "Oh, I've put X in such and such a drawer" or "I've moved your thing to..."")
She never did. Those things are gone and there's nothing i can do about that. Just like I know there's nothing I could say to her that works very get to admit what she did.
Anyway, on a sidenote, I told her today that I'm applying for a divorce.
It amazes me the extent my soon to be ex will do ..
I'm able to seek therapy and feel strong enough to file. I'm done with being manipulated...I'm tired of being tired.
Good luck to you sir
Life begins with freedom.
I enjoy these videos you create. Thank you much.
I had a girlfriend blame me for her sleeping with someone else. She then denied she said this to me. Told me it didnât sound like something she would sayâŠ.
Beautiful work!
:( my boyfriend does this when there has been alcohol involved, it scares me so much
This discovery is really painful to me and I don't know what to do about it. I am now being lead to believe I have mental issues that require medication.
Can't tell you how many recordings I have that I never go back and listen to; I don't have to, my memory works just fine.
I have pretty much written a book on 88 Reasons Why I Want to Be Single.
I swear there are some hidden recording devices and access to my social accounts where she can secretly information to be used on future attacks against me. Everything I do and say is used against me in the court of other.
What's even worse is other uses the Anonymous programs against me constantly sending and suggesting links to videos and messages, constantly talking to me like I'm a sponsor or group to share in.
i delt with this for a while.When this happened, I realized it was probably time to get out. I believe, on a deeper level it is Spiritual. Because the person is lying to you about reality. It is a lying spirit in my opinion. and if you are in a trauma bond it makes it hard to get out.
My bff is definitely gaslighting me. The straw that broke me was⊠she sent me a msg saying thanks for not returning any of my calls or msgs blah blah blah. I replied I didnât receive any calls or msg from you so donât know what youâre on about. Then she said asked you to call me and you didnât, I replied no you didnât, havenât received a msg or call from you for over a. Month. Instead of backing off she doubled down, said well it must have been in that last voicemail I left you. No!! No it wasnât I still have it and you didnât say that. I havenât called or msgd her in 2 months I run scenarios in my head of how to have the conversation, because my eyes are now open and I can see.
Itâs such a broad term.
Good summary
My wife does the same stuff telling me & others I have a closed head injury after an accident. Kinda right but no long term issue. Skill fx w hearing loss. Omg. Iâm in for a crazy divorce !
Great, educational video, but maybe you should include some kind of graphics, numbers etc. for us to understand betterâŠ
Would a BPD or NPD Ever say I love you 6 months to 18 months into the relationship?
My exes favorite catchphrase was âI don't want to be where I'm not wanted. I'm hella anxious all the time now. Clearly no one wants me here.â
She said it so many times it became true lol
Ya she used my late partner against me. I love you, are we ok, she said it was over then come back, I don't want you or the baby then comes back again and again
I know that a narcissists suffer with their behaviour, mainly when they don't get attention that they think they deserve. But normal people, suffer much more when deal with narcissists people, because they don't know what they are, and take so long to find out it. Most of us, stay with narcissists people forever without understand who they are. These people cause a lot suffering, it is horrible for normal people, anyway.
Would it be ok to listen to these videos with my wife whom I think is part covert narcissist who gaslights?
My wifeâs sister is here on vacation from the Philippines, she tells me things like telling my wife Iâm going to the store is childless like, , not being Filipino a Canadian when ever they talk in Tagalog if I say anything she sais I. Rude for interfering ,but other Filipinos come in to the conversation , I have heart failure sh3 told me I was lying despite showing all my precautions, She tells me Iâm useless now when my wife is not around then denies it after , she is always telling me things that did not happen ,She is able to convince my wife Iâm causing problems, In the past we sent money to help her family ,
Please do bpd boyfriend!!
So I like your videos. However I think interrogating people about the past is a dangerous thing. My experience is narcissists, especially ones that skew borderline love bringing up a twisted version of the past to manipulate and gas light. I try to be very conscious not to deny what they experienced but if you are constantly bringing up your version of the distant past with another person, an uncomfortable past you might be very much making the other person feel gaslit
I do not give myself permission to get baited into getting gaslit by any agenda that doesnât increase my comfort and benefit
I found the only way to deal with such people is to give up their association
But what about when you see this person is clearly making up false realities and accusations in their head because they are a narcissist?
My ex would make up wild stories about me and I would tell them that they are hallucinating and none of what they are saying is real because those are not my intentions at all or how I feel... And of course they would refuse to drop it and keep beating me down with it.
So it gets tricky with this one
Ha ha ha! My youngest Attacks me, saying I Gaslight HER, while Doing Gaslighting to ME!
She brings up all kinds of small things of Past (years ago), that she decided TO Twist all the sudden! She will use her own bad Choices, take the Resulting Situation, then claim i LIKED her Suffering and did not Protect her!
In truth? I WAS trying TO Help her in these Instances, because she got herself into a Self Dangerous Situation! But at the time, she was accepting the Treatment she was getting and Avoiding my Help!
Now she Claims i Wanted this to Happen, would Not Help, and am Cause of her Self Cutting and Suicide Attempt and Hospitalization!
ALL Backwards and Reverse!
A major part of this Game, is to ALWAYS have a Scape Goat to Blame! As each one Dies? You need another! I knew this was coming! Because ALL have Died except me! đ
so many people i know are gaslighting about minor things i feel. so few people are willing to be honest (especially my parents unfortunatly). i hate it.
i know i have a limited perception about the world. i only have me perception and my viewpoints, so i tend to question my viewpoint.
i really need to focus on myself and going with my gut. i might be wrong. willing to take that risk. fuck 'em.
The quiet faze is because you have exposed her my ex partner is the same Iâm a child of god and the lord showed me what she was about đ
đ§ NPD gaslighting is like Chinese water torture.
11:00
Your hair is cute
Im always pronouncing your name very straightforward- lay blonk and you're just Lisa Blah
I think it's pronounced like Lease Le BlĂĄn
đđž
All your example of gaslighting are so extremely contradictory. I feel like this entire concept is presented in a way that is toxic. I don't think it is out of bad intention but a genuine mistake. The important part of the definition you provide is that someone tries to manipulate the others' perception intentionally; your examples are examples of more complex situations and should not be put in the category of gaslighting, since changing perspective changes the dynamic of who gaslights who. I'll provide an example now.
I have a sister who literally puts words in my mouth, who changes events in her memory and believes her own cunstructions so that these events align with her view of herself (as in: SHE wouldn't ever do anything wrong, so it must be the others, she walks through life in this victim mentality); we recently had a conflict where the exact same thing happened: She reacted in an extreme way to a joke her boyfriend did that was not even directed at her (in a way that made 9 people at the table feel uncomfortable); my reaction to this was to calmly tell her that i think he didn't mean any harm with the joke and it was all in good intention, she told me not to interfere and left the room. After that she treated me very coldly for the rest of the evening. I know my sister and about her narcissistic tendencies, and despite that i try to have a reaosnable relation to her, so i tried to call her a few days later, but she ignored the call and didnt answer back for several weeks.
The next time we saw each other at some point we talked about this evening, and she wanted an apology from me. She literally saved the events in a way where I made the joke, not her boyfriend, where she had a calm and reasonable reaction to it, told ME to stop it with the joke, but i wouln't listen and just say 'don't make a fuss of it'; these things literally didn't happen like this. And now: who gaslights who?
I repeatedly told her: It didn't happen like you remember, as this is the truth. She wanted mem to apologise (which i even did); but she refused to acknowledge that she might be mistaken in her perception and thus refused to geniuinely apologise herself; as it is allways the case.
Your list of examples: I do them all to my sister; so am i 'gaslighting' her, or is she gaslighting me? As i said above, i dont think this term makes any sense in this context and should remain in the realm of active and conscious manipulation.
Actually, i don't 'do them all'; but i certaonly do say she overreacts at points and i do question her memory; i literally tell her 'i would wish to record our conversations so we can talk about what was actually said and not what you made of it'
The big issue with gaslighting is that any single instance normally just looks like a genuine mistake. The problem is when these instances of selective amnesia and genuine mistakes are insidious, pervasive, and serve the narcissist's agenda - then it falls into the manipulative category. When you try to call them out the next time they gaslight you, they turn it around and play the victim: "What? So I forgot _exactly_ what was said that one time! I guess that I just don't have a perfect memory like you do. Why are you always so angry?" And now they have taken your pushing back against the abuse to frame you as the abuser.
â@@Wavicleexactly what I get everytime
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It's better to throw gaslighters out of your life
What the hell???? Putting in some ridiculous cartoonish thing (or whatever it's called). Nothing like making me feel like a fool! Apparently, gaslighting is some sort of joke to you. Disgraceful!
Where do you come with that?
You are to sensitive đ
@@whitewater1250 Indeed. It's just how I am.
@@toddb930 It's just how I felt when I watched.
Thanks!
Thank you very much, I appreciate your support!