What Makes a Great Father? | Mark Trahan | TEDxTexasStateUniversity
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- čas přidán 13. 12. 2016
- Did you know that having an actively involved father can influence your adult life? Dr. Mark Trahan divulges new research about male confidence in being a parent, discusses challenges fathers face, and suggests steps fathers and mothers can take to create a father friendly family.
Mark Trahan, PhD, LCSW, is an assistant professor of Social Work at Texas State University. Dr. Trahan has spent the last fifteen years working with individuals, families, and couples as a therapist, researcher, and teacher. His areas of research interest include the role of fathering confidence in father engagement and the use of technology, specifically virtual reality, to assist in creating more confidence in men and fathers. Dr. Trahan is currently working on research projects with incarcerated men and returning combat soldiers, with future plans to use virtual reality for parenting and communication skills training. Dr. Trahan enjoys teaching and is passionately engaged in educating social work students. He loves spending time with his family, mountain biking, fly-fishing, and watching college football.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I didn't have a father growing up. Now I have a son who tells me he hates me more than he says he loves me. And I show him no matter what I'm in your corner.
Stay in the corner brother. All power to you.
He’ll grow out of it. He can hate you right now. (or think that he does.) That’s okay. Just let him know you’ll still love him no matter what. Be the best dad you can be. And he’ll come around eventually.
@@marcusizayah Thanks
@@marcusizayah great response Marcus...im going through a bit of that and sometimes you need to be told its a phase that will pass....keepsyou doing your best
@@marktannehill9701 how’s it going today?
“Forgiveness is a gateway to confidence”
More like healing.
My Son wasn’t planned and my first thoughts weren’t good. Since the birth of my child I have never been so in love with him. I adore my Son with all my heart.
When you have daddy issues wondering if you will make it to be good enough of a father
You're 80% to greatness
Oliver If you ask yourself that you will be a good father, better than your own. I ask myself the same question, having the same dilemma.
Otelea Ionut Bogdan Otelea Ionut Bogdan thanks man, i really appreciate that. For real, then by your own words. you are gonna be (or already are) a great father too
Largely that will be depend on who you marry. Tread carefully.
A AA
I’m a single father of 3 kids. Not easy but I keep my kids busy with sports. I make sure they are accountable for their actions. Schools, sports and household chores. Kids need direction and discipline. But I make sure we always do something as a family.
At 21 I had a daughter, she is now almost 7, she was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4. Couldn't walk until she was 3. Is still non verbal. We are still working on toilet training. I feel defeated every day of my life. Each milestone is huge for us but they are few and far between. My dad was not a good role model so I am trying to learn how to be a good parent while feeling like a constant failure.
Having a daughter that I can't verbally communicate with is the most difficult thing I have ever faced. I want nothing more than to hear about her days at school, how she is feeling emotionally, what I can be doing better, but the only sounds in our world are laughter and screams of frustration. I did not know what autism was before her.
I know there are many people who have it more challenging than I do however, I can't talk to anyone about my situation because nobody I know can even begin to imagine what my life is like. I wish there was more awareness around it.
Try to unroll vaccinations (heavy metals detox)
You’re stronger than you’ll ever know
@@DMDAUTOLLC Much love. Life has gotten so much better since last year. My daughter is doing amazing. Honestly, life is just about patience. Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else. Only compete against yourself.
@@comptonopolis that’s literally a major part of how I live my day to day life my daughter is only 11 months but was premature 3 months so was in the NICU for those 3 months and now I look at her everyday and she makes the hardest days easy
Brother God bless you at the end of the day you are her role model she will understand when she is older when things are hard she will remember how hard you worked that will fuel her for greatness God is with us all
Currently 17 I can’t wait to be the best father I can be. I used to only want boys but now I’m really open to any gender I just want to love and care for my own child and show them the unconditional love I have for them like I wished my parents showed me.
“like I wished my parents showed me”
Get started resolving your attachment issues *before* you have a kid, lest you risk treating parenthood as therapy, and your kids as extensions for your own healing. Hoisting onto kids the life that their parent didn’t get to have RARELY pans out.
My grandfather passed at 38 of a heart attack-he didn’t take care of himself one bit. My father assumed his role was to “provide” and discipline. I’m so glad to be breaking that cycle, to be mindful, to be humble and to be able to drop my pride.
👏❤
So glad I have my wife she pushes me to be a better father every day and second. I didn't have my father there for me and at times it is more overwhelming than pulling a double shift any day and can be very hard. Glad have seen this video.
I think I can relate, my partner an I are expecting our first born in 4 months. We are both eqully excited however I can already feel my partner subconously and kindly pushing me to be a better parent. And I love her for that. I also didn't have a father and I think that carries a certian insecurity.
If you are getting whipped, blink twice. Its okay we are here to help
A real father is a man and a man doesn't let his wife or any woman push him. Your'e a simp, not a man or father.
Beautiful moment when his father stood up
Cried so hard 😭 I have so many painful wounds from being neglected and constantly abandoned by my father. But seeing things like this evolves my perspective that there are men that are brave to be vulnerable, to be protective, to be good spirited, etc. When he said something about reading another Frozen book to his daughter.. I didn’t know fathers read to their babies 😭 that was comforting.
I’m a 6ft4 veteran, boxer and bbuilder. I fight other big men for fun. I’m also a single dad, raised my son alone. I’ve worn painted nails to work, funny hats, done silly dances and talked with that beautiful young man trough so many nights. The painted nails part make me a man. Not the fighting, not the bbuilding. Your father was not strong enough to understand, he can’t help it. It’s his loss. I know you will make a great mother and you will find the right father for your kids. Everybody can fight but you can only win in life when you learn to love.
Gives me the feels. My dad has done all these things for me. I'm a lucky guy.
And i hope you're great father to
Just got moved up to lieutinent on my local fire department yesterday and couldn't have done it without the work ethic I learned from my dad. Good dads are the best
Thank you for this video! I really needed it!
Damn i think i've never cried so hard... This really hit me emotionally. Great speach!👏👏👏
I'm 20, don't plan on having kids for at least 10 years. It's important to learn these kinds of things.
Better not go in raw cause things might change lol
Glad you’re conscious of this. My biggest blessing is my kids, but the main change I would have made would be to have been prepared for them.
It’s beautiful to grow with them, but I can’t help but wish I had had more to offer them early on. Not that it matters, but I’m super proud to see someone post this even if I didn’t mimic those actions 🙏🏽 much love to you
That’s commendable young man, I’m only 34 but wish I had this mindset at 20! Gives me hope for our future kids!!! My daughter has benefited SO MUCH from DBT therapy and being mindful/aware of her emotions vs reasonable thinking. So many of us operate on emotion purely, it’s terrible for our hearts, brain and mental health. TERRIBLE.
At 20 yrs old You should be out there laying more pipe down than a plumber not watching this video. Lol
I told myself I’d never have children I’m 27. And met a 40 year old who showed me that I could possibly be a real dad and a good one. Never had one so it just changed my whole point of view
This is so pure!!
Mark is a part of my thesis committee! Such a great guy. Glad I found this.
What an amazing and moving lecture
Thank you so much! This was amazing!
Great talk man!
Sons always have the potential to honour and love their parents especially their fathers!
:(
Thank you 🙏 for sharing.
This is amazing
I'm so thankful for having a dad that is involved in my life and teaches me how to be a man
Not a lot of us have those kinds of dads! Good for you man!!
@@imbatman4665 thanks. He is the one that inspired me to make a CZcams channel with me lifting
I wish i had better parents.
Makes me happy just hearing such things
@@mikhail7 be strong!!!
Seems like a great man and father. Very kind.
He's a simp.
Thank you
If you ain’t got time bc your kid is with you skip to 12:10 seconds
Kudos to all the fathers and fathers-to-be who are watching this
Excellent job.
Being a dad is my favorite thing to do lol
2 words willpower,commitment
This is such a deep presentation
I’m 27 years old and my girlfriend is 40. We met through a rehab where she was my nurse. Together we have come so far. Her three kids call me bonus dad they tell their dad they would rather stay at our house every night. She showed me that I was scared to be around kids because my dad left me and started a new family when I was around 12. She showed me that’s good because I will know exactly what not to do. It didn’t seem very real at first we’re on month 7 and it’s all I think about I expected to be nervous or the typical “my life is over BS”but in reality I see this as my time to be the dad my dad never was. She makes me believe I can do this
Michael Myles McCauley
Your daddy loves you so much man I can’t wait to hang out I was so nervous before you got here. Then I started realizing I get to give you the greatest life
Promise not to let you down
1/16/23
I am a single father of 2 loving boys, lately been feeling like i am failing them and myself, after fighting for them in courts- for the first time i feel like taking them back to their moms... For the first time i am filled with fear and discouragement.
Everyone around me tells me how great of a father i am to my boys but deep down i feel i cant do it anymore, i feel defeated and alone, but i refuse to let them go... Today i am having one of the worst days ever or rather seasons and the only thing I look forward to is going home after work to hear about how their school day was and we laugh alot and play board games ❤❤❤❤.
Crazy to me that this guy felt so abandoned at 15. You realize how much worse off those who never had a dad have it. I hope 🇺🇸 fixes this fatherless issue-our #1 issue in America.
A BAD DAD is worse that NO DAD …
@@jr5389 that’s not necessarily true
In order to be a good Parent er Father, Mother; ONE! must be in touch with our own HUMANITY!!!!!!. Don't do to our children WHAT! was done to us by our parents! . There is parents and then AGAIN there is "PARENTS!" I rest my case!
Cool video. Now I know more about how to be a great father.
My daddy issues brought me here
😂
Sweet.
I searched for this because i want kids in about 7~10 years from now. Thanks for the thoughts to bounce off, of.
As a man who is expecting a child of his own I learned so much from this video and took away some key things about being a father I realize that presence and time is the most important thing followed by patience and having the ability to understand my dad wasn’t perfect as he divorced my mom when I was 3 but he did the best he could and now it’s time for me to do even better boy or girl I will be the best father I can and could ever be
How's it goin?
How is the baby
Beautiful
how does this not have 1 billion views?
A great father is one that pays his child support. Let's start with that.
😢
Being a father is a tough task.
Leading by example
TLDR: Your social persona is a result of your your upbringing. But you should strive to be better than your predecessor. Learn from those who are wiser than you whitest simultaneously applying your best judgement. If you listen to those who have more experience, and you are selective in whom you listen to, you will succeed. If you are unfortunate enough to live in a single parent home, surround yourself with positive influences. Remain confident. Without a father influence it can be difficult to have the self confidence to succeed, but it's not impossible. Positive male influences can have a significant impact on success.
You can all judge, be a father.
I hope one day to do what i never had the opportunity to have
Please add subtitle
My kids have always been good kids no temper tantrums always easy to calm down always listened to us brought them up with total LOVE I dunno I'm watching shows on kids and they always talk about how rowdy they get or misbehaving I'm thankful I have such loving affectionate well behaved kids ❤️ BLESSED 🙌
I think I’m a great dad but also that I need to be better at every moment
Striving for excellence, there is no shame in that!!!
Bull without being horrible I'm 37 going gray I've had life experiences not many people would have! I'm looking for simple answers first time dad excitement and a lot of self doubt! I need reassurance of how to be real! Emotions father and son, dad and daughters whays this going to do for me!!
Brother! I hear you on a screamer! My daughter was the same way!
my dad past away when im 15, now i got 2 children, and i dont understand how to play the dad role. i'll keep searching for examples of how to be a good dad. we meet, debate, split repeat. its wasting time and its 5th years already. Both me n wifs wasnt happy. wht shld i do? i want happiness but cant handle a thing in family. i just hope everybody's happy. God bless u all
My dad is coming home after 15 years in prison.. And my son is now 3 months old.. I don’t know how to be a son but I must excel at fatherhood
😥Bitter sweet moment😢 | Courage man.
Your a great a son by default. And you'll be an even better father just don't end up in prison. Break the cycle
What do I know about being a father? Honestly nothing. I just know to be everything my father wasn’t.
Pretty sure all I got out of this was “I was in a divorced family” and “make sure to complement your kid when you see them doing something right” was kinda hoping on a Ted talk on how to be a good dad and not just this guys mid life story
My appeal to the society don't separate a DAD from a FAMILY , it can effect the great relationship of son-dad .
This f me up😭
Reflect re enforce check your role
Wish these vids had bullet points versus all the anecdotal stories.
These ads are on fire @4 a.m. bro
Your not alone, I know many dads suffer due to there own fathers. I met my childrens father when I was 17 living in a childrens home and he had addictions distance abuse etc and I followed that lifestyle then however I dont blame I take responsibility I have a choice. Sometimes it's hard I find growing up I didnt heal off my mother or father and I ended up having there anger and OCD with cleaning the only way I got a smile or a hug is if I cleaned for my adoptive mum so I get where my OCD came from I learnt alot over years and fustrated with my family dynamics never had love from both parents so how can I love others. No excuse for all our behaviour however Two broken people break each other. Reflect is important 😔 painful I know been there to re live it however the freedom is amazing. Forgivness is hard however sets u free. Thanks so much for me stumbling on this. It was meant to be. Inner child helps if u write to that part of u telling it what it lacked growing up etc alot on you tube and books empowering. So love this.
Was this recorded in a basketball court?
When you got a kid otw and you trying to prep for it.
I wish i have a good dad mine is very abusive and a monster.
I’m 19 trying to be a great father for a child I don’t have yet
My dad is none of those things he is not a good father or person
I don't know you or your father, so i can't if it's true or not.
Perhaps your father is just a bad guy, it happens sometime.
But i think that's what Mak Trahan was thinking about his dad before this retreat.
So much people think their dad is bad, just because they don't know him really.
So much persons think their dad is bad, and so much men are good people, that it can't match at all. If majority of men are good people, then we can't have so much bad dads.
Studies show that the vast majority of chid abuse are made by mothers
Same my dude
@@malain1715 I don't believe there are (bad) persons. I think people do bad, cruel or unjust things cause of how they were brought up, the environment they grew up around is what influenced them to be how they are and act how they do. That's why we must talk with positive and encouraging language to anyone we meet. And even in our thoughts, wish everyone well.
He still made you. For that you should be grateful
My dad couldn't care less what I feel. His favorite bonding sessions are when we don't speak, 'cause that would be bothering him, therefore he relishes the times when he tells me goodnight. He'd rather deal with me by not dealing with me at all. My brother died an alcoholic and drug addict before his time; and now I understand completely. I can't wait to drink to not care.
This is surprisingly very unhelpful
Oh course it’s a man who commented this. Maybe actually try to apply some of the tips he gave instead of letting your ego get in the way.
Mom: 20% Dad: 100,000,000,000%
He’s definitely a young father.
Make a choice.
my dad says he loves me but he neer wants to talk with me normally he always talks to me when he needs something .
I don’t even have a kid I’m 19
im just here to see how bad my dad is compared to others :/
The word "America" comes from a German and Italian name (Amerigo) which means "work and family man" so to separate the father from the family is by definition a very unamerican thing.
My gf broke up with me and now I hardly got to see my kid while I battle for custody.
1. I'm sorry for all of really sad stories from the comments.
2. The main goal of fatherhood is to let his child gain (in reasonable security conditions) the experience which should lead young human being to become self-decisive.
In my opinion of course.
What do you tell a child who lost his father when he was three months,and keeps in asking why don't i have a daddy?
How about the truth?
Wasted research. Where's lead by example? Handing down life lessons? How to get and manage a car? How to have healthy relationships? How to manage credit? How to cook? How to clean? How to dress? Teaching the trade you've learned that feeds the family?(Even if they don't use it) How to take care of yourself? Recognizing and doing away with toxic relationships? How to be in shape and why it's important? Bloody raising the child?? Love is great, but where's the love for your child to succeed? Where's the seasoned man?
Give a man fish, and he'll eat for a day; teach him how to fish, and he'll feed himself and his family to come.
Kakarot Lifted You took the words out of my mouth! That’s exactly my reaction when I first started listening. I also agree with the “wasted research” phrase. I think it could be explained in depth. There’s a lot to unpack there.
My mom did all the mom virtues in reverse.
5:42
Confidence - Taken out of New age education (Masculinity is important) Also sounds like Santa's workshop in the background.
Everybody’s clapping before he started.. what if the talk ends up being bad?
I think that's a risk they are willing to take.
I guess it’s possible for the acoustics in a room to be too good
You must be conciences of your own humanity in order to be a good father. Never do unto your children what got done unto you; by your parents. There is parents and then there is "PARENTS!"
Now those 82k better be my future husband
I think you covered the 40%-60% of Dad’s that are already around and giving it their best shot…(as evidenced by our watching this video) but unless u got something that can prevent Dirtbag people (yes ,PEOPLE) from procreating who couldn’t ga sht about their kid’s future neither b4 or after childbirth, Trying to use those unwed stats to make already great dads feel somehow culpable for those numbers, makes me wanna just tune out!
How does this have 49k+ views and only 521 likes? 🤯
My absent father died last year, 20 years i didnt see him and now hes gone lol
WHAT ABOUT US WHO DONT HAVE FATHERS?!?!?!
Mondoshawan,
Sorry to hear that your father died before making amends. But you can still learn from your experience on how to be a good father if you decide to become a father. Whatever your dad shortcoming was try to do the opposite. Good luck.
You do have a Father who wishes for to have fullness and joy of life, you are worth everything to him and he is proud of you. Come Into a personal relationship with Him. He brought me out-of the feelings of inadequacy due to an absent father.
God is the Father to the Fatherless please reach out he will be waiting
The "single unwed mothers"... 🤔 I wonder if that's really as big as it looks on paper. Yes it's an issue but are these numbers truly accurate? I'm about to become a dad with my fiance of 14 years, but according to the IRS she'll be a "single" "unwed" mother until we eventually get married
My dad don't even care about me that sucks.
It hurts, but it will make you an amazing parent one day to your children. Trust me on that
Maybe your dad experienced that kind of relationship in his childhood. Its your choice to rewrite this chapter of relationship and taking more care to your own children. We are all free to change this lack of emotions we need.
You’re not alone. I know a girl whose dad left and always never wanted to know her or see her. She didn’t even know much about him except that he doesn’t want her in his life. She’s doing well in her life without him.
Look, I'm a dog daddy. My baby girl freaks out if she doesn't have her mommy or daddy to project calm, relaxed, "everything is okay" vibes so my baby girl gets the idea that life is calm and good
That guy is not a good dad he's a second mother listening to the biological one !
The mothers are the issue not the fathers. Moms have all the power we are hopeless to see our children.
the 1st 1.30mins are too dramatic...
Someone with very little experience trying to give advice is worse than bad advice. Come back when your 75
So you are saying you have to be 75 to give advice about your experience as a father?
No way I’m going to listen to this. With this kind of audio.
His father is like his earpiece. Unreliable.
🤣