Adult with Autism | Autism & Therapy | 28
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- I've been asked if I have Therapy, I never usually answer as I don't want to get into discussions over defending my opinion or thought process. However, that can be unfair for people who genuinely have an interest, so I have given it a shot. Also, my waffle went on a bit, so I have given the video chapters.
0:00 Intro Waffle
13:55 Why I Don't Do Therapy
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This video reminded me to quote in Arabic we say it if we want to ask about something or explain your experience to someone else
"Ask someone who has experienced the disease do not ask the doctor"
Cuz the only one who knows that the only one who suffers or let's say had experience from it
Sorry for my bad english 😅
Thanks for posting this. I think you have saved a lot of money and time by not going to therapy. I have spent years complying with my doctors' suggestions that therapy would help me. All I come out with is a few breathing exercises, whilst my mental health continues to deteriorate . I search online for other ways to help myself and spend as much time in nature as I can. It works better and is way cheaper.
I agree. You will always be the best route to find what you need 👍🏻
Therapy is a foreign language to me. I know myself best. I could be talking about a square but they interpret it as a circle. I've learned at my age, eat well, have self-boundaries on what works and have a bit of fun (nature for me). I'm curious about life really not involving people too much lol
I fully understand that, and I think the older we get, out priorities and focus changes. Today, all I want is good health and contentment...Still trying to master eating better! No one will ever know me as well as I do, it's about learning who I am from the right angles to better myself. A stranger no matter how good can't beat that 👍🏻
Do you live in AZ?
@@isotope73 That where they filmed Cocoon?
I totally get the door thing. If I know someone is coming to deliver something I've ordered, that's one thing; I can prepare for it. Someone show up and I am not, I'm on extreme edge and armed. I may or may not open the door, but they will see I've got a weapon. Dealing with social events is like being in a war zone to me. Anxiety/Fight/Flight is always engaged for me. I worked hard and saved and retired early; so I don't have to deal with being forced to be around others, if I don't want to. Now, I'm helping my sons prepare to do the same. It is joyous to not have to be around others.
I play the lottery to hopefully win (astronomical odds, I know), to buy my freedom. I protect my safe space too, having people in it is such a toll.
A "Please do not knock" sign has done wonders for my creativity & peace of mind 🙏🏻 😇💫✨️ Xx Good luck on the lottery, I wish the same for us all 😊
Paul, I went to therapy for 6 years, and also still going to psychiatric doctors because they got me addicted to meds.
I have to tell you, it’s not worth the money. You tell all your problems for years and the therapist doesn’t help with anything really. The things that change it’s due to your own self reflection. Things that you know you should or shouldn’t do deep down, like you said.
I spent so much money on therapy to only hear “thank you for sharing this” or “write your feelings and then we talk about it next session” (a thing I’ve always done regardless)… or he would get distracted with his computer while I was talking.
I thought to myself “ I can talk with some people I know and get ignored for free”.
In regards of the psychiatrist, I’ve never been so mistreated in my life, and also like I said, the only thing they did was give me a band aid (medication) , that now I can’t live without it
I can't tell you how many emails from Autistic people telling me similar 👍🏻
24:05 "Tell me how it makes you feel"
That's what the therapists are after. It's not really important whether or not you did take the shower, they're using questions to try to create a deeper conversation.
I think therapists not being autistic/doesn't understand autism properly is the core problem with that. In a slew of word exiting their face hole, they expect the autistic person to react to specific social queues. The very first thing everyone identifies as a deficit in autism. It would be funny if it wasn't annoying.
A very frustrating issue is that Autistic people get given general questions, but we benefit from specific questions. We can open up the more direct the focus is. It's like asking an Autsitic child,'How was your day'? Parents rarely get a solid answer. Ask them a specific question like 'tell me something you learned today from your teacher', they'll give more of an answer.
If a therapist isn't trained in Autism, they miss this, then think we don't speak. We're happy to generally, but... specifics!! 😂
Hi Paul. Good waffle actually. I agree that not knowing is bad. My mind is constantly working over time wondering out what I could possibly have. It is hard for me to function at all when something like that is happening to me. Hopefully you can or already have seen the doctor.
I have constant pain because of my sensory issues. I have for all of my life. So I know the power of pain. I also know that trauma can cause pain, physical pain. You have been under a ridiculous amount of stress for months so having pain somewhere is quite possible. It also sounds like fibromyalgia could be possible.
I also agree with you about Psychotherapy and the person not being autistic. I have friends that swear that psychotherapy works wonders and having someone to talk to is great. I fortunately have my partner and a couple of friends that seem to do the trick for me. That being said, even my partner of 35 years doesn’t fully understand me. I was realizing just the other day that without a common frame of reference he can never fully understand me. I can for instance completely understand many autistic issues you face, even if they are not exactly my issues. I have a similar perception of the world. I also love how you talked about feeling. That is so true. I might get upset about something that to some might seem trivial, but for me it’s not!
Glad we can be here for you to vent. Believe it or not it helps me as well! Hang in there!
Hey Bryan, funny you mention that as I was thinking after the video how just being able to vent is useful. I find it more useful to just vent, than vent and hear a response. If the response isn't accurate, I feel unheard which is my general everyday life problem anyway, I'd hate to pay for the privilege!
Like you I have a plethora of unexplained pains all the time, but again like you I just get on with it because I don't have a choice and answers arent available. The joys!
Hope you're well 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutismI completely get what you are saying.
If someone doesn't experience autism, they can't give useful tools, help, or advice regarding alot of things that we face.
The way you said you don't like a responce to venting when it is not accurate is part of being autistic! We are looking for accuracy, in situations that have gray areas all around us. Any interaction (no matter if it is with an autistic person or not) is going to have gray areas (since we are black and white thinkers this is just not feasible to us intrinsically.)
I have an autistic partner, and he can never respond to my venting or experience "properly". Neither can my autistic sister.
Or my autistic father (rip).
It also has to do with our communication issues. We may think we are expressing something in a clear way, when we aren't. It sounds one way in our head and then comes out differently. So what we are trying to say doesn't come across as we are trying to express it. Which causes communication breakdown. This leaves the person we are talking to giving us feedback to something that wasn't what we were trying to express, but what we were saying.
I deal with this by writing things down if I am desperate to communicate something to someone.
As "picky" as I am at the responces that I get (and that is simply how my brain is built 🙂 - we know this), I try really hard to listen and be open minded more than what comes naturally to me.
I am not going back to therapy any time soon (I had gone for years pre diagnoses - a futile effort) because of what you said about wanting someone who at least knows what it is like to be autistic (even if they don't experience it the same exact way that I do).
I hope that made sense and that I didn't ramble on for too long.
Hope you are well and thank you for the video.
It did make sense. Your writing things down is the same as me writing music. I can explain each line for 30 minutes if people want to hear the explanations. I find people are more interested that way than just listening to me explain my brain 👍🏻
I feel fortunate that I recently found your channel. I listen tou you every day when I finish my work. Today is my birthday and always is a lot of strees to know that I ll have a whole day of social interactions ahead. Not so much in person because now I move to another city to live a more simple life, work from home etc..but the greetings and mesenges etc , it is dificult to me. Thank for the daily company!
No problem at all, happy belated birthday 👍🏻
Thanks Paul. I am ‘between’ therapists at the moment whilst I wait for my diagnosis appointment. I didn’t realise that autism was driving my other physical and mental health conditions when I started therapy. I discovered that autism explains so much by chance, not due to therapy. After a few sessions I realised that I needed an autistic therapist if I was going to get any benefit. I feel that watching your videos and those of other autistic vloggers is therapy for me, and I wonder if you feel that doing your videos is a type of therapy for you too. If I had the verbal skills and wasn’t terrified of being public on camera I think it would help me. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, pain hyperacusis (which is awful), TMJ issues, anxiety, ‘adjustment’ disorder amongst other things, all of which I believe are manifestations of not coping due to trauma or the exhaustion of adapting to this world. The fibromyalgia is a diagnosis of exclusion so doesn’t help much anyway and just gives doctors who are time poor something to pin any symptom on. The fatigue and brain fog are debilitating. The human body is extremely complex that’s for sure.
Brain fog alone is such a debilitating occurrence. Having to focus to do something so simple like putting socks on, causes me more stress. How can I need to focus to figure out socks?!
Doing the videos is a good talking therapy for myself as this is the only time I can speak using my Autistic side. And I refuse to be someone who says 'I don't know' when it comes to why I will or won't do things, because I owe it to myself to know who I am. Doing videos, even podcasts before them, allows me be introspective at times and figure things out I couldn't before I gave it a voice.
Oh. The unexplained pain and dizzy is totally me. I'm autistic and being gaslighted by doctors for these symptoms they can't find a physical cause for and so they just treat me like I'm just being a problem to get attention for imaginary issues.
I'm going through it currently again, the dizziness is terrible. I don't feel they see dizziness as part of a concern unfortunately, when it's the biggest concern for me when it hits 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism The dizziness can be explained by a sleep breathing disorder called UARS. Most people know only OSA, but the definition of OSA is that only apneas/hypopneas lasting 10 seconds or more are counted towards a diagnosis. What if the brain detects the problem earlier consistently? You don't get an OSA diagnosis but the body and brain are suffering during sleep. This can cause blood pressure regulation issues (POTS) that cause dizziness. UARS is often mistaken for fibromyalgia. I am autistic and a UARS survivor.
I did decades of psychotherapy for depression and anxiety that I now know were related to undiagnosed autism. None of my therapists identifies the root cause. We are on our own as autistic adults.
In 2018 I underwent low dose Ketamine infusion therapy against the advice of my psychotherapist. It stopped the worst of my symptoms, primarily the crushing anxiety I suffered with for decades and the suicidal ideation that had gripped me for years. Fired my therapist shortly thereafter. My symptoms vanished and never returned immediately following a single infusion of low-dose ketamine administered in a medical clinic by an anesthesiologist. I had to pay out-of-pocket insurance did not cover it. I am in the United States. I urge anyone who is struggling with mental health and not getting better to research the treatment and if it makes sense for them to give it a try. it saved my life, good luck and Godspeed
Psychosomatic illnesses are very real. People treat them as though they're some imagined ailment people conjure for attention, but those people are willfully ignorant. I believe that autistic people suffer from these types of illnesses disproportionately.
My own psychosomatic illness ended up being diagnosed as chronic migraine disorder and IBS. I also have cluster headaches, but that's not considered to be psychosomatic to date - at least by my army of doctors. It took 20 years of medical visits and tens of thousands of dollars to finally be taken seriously about the gut issues.
It's horrible when you spent most of your time knowing there is something, and not being heard. I'm going through it again at my doctors. I've spent the last 6 out of 8 years doing so.
It's not peaceful 👍🏻
Yes, the unknowing is awful. I am in that boat myself right now, no solid answers. Seems many are experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia in combination with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia (Dysautonomia) with what they are calling Long Covid so there is a new interest in these but they aren’t new. Trauma in all its forms can bring these on, especially that perfect storm situation of personal stress, loss such as your friend or relationship breakdown, viral or bacteria episode, a parasite or a physical trauma. Seems like it’s so much more common with a stack of those contributors. Therapy never worked for me cause it was always time to leave before I got started lol. Too much waffle to get where we needed to go in 45 minutes and the rumination after was hell. And always feeling like they don’t really get it. Ya. No. Your energy looked back a bit in this one, hope is! Take care Paul! ❤️
Thanks Karen, some of the symptoms are getting better or I'm getting more used to them as they've been here for over two months. And thanks for the thought process, all very helpful. I've managed to get a docs appointment for next Friday where I see a human in the flesh finally...only been trying since 27th Jan!!!
@@AdultwithAutism Well, we hope it’s human 🤣. Hoping you get some solid answers or at a minimum a referral to find them. 👍
Hopefully! Although I'm not confident they will be human 😂
Hey Paul, great video! I have had 64 different mental health professionals and three psych assessments and three different diagnoses. They all missed the fact that I am autistic. Realizing this by listening to other autistic people speaking, has been life-giving! At 70 years old, not only do I not need therapy, but I don't feel the need for a formal diagnosis - they've been wrong 3 times before lol.
You are absolutely right, if you want to learn about Autism, listen to Autistic people. But be well to avoid ones who push agendas!
I have always used my therapy as a way to talk about all of the things I know I can't share with the people in my life. I did this long before my diagnosis (at age 50). It has really helped me to have a person I can do that with. I need that sounding board. It helps that she's neurodivergent, too.
5 seconds in: Awww shit, Paul got the FRESH cut. Looks good m8. Or maybe it's always that fresh under the beanie. Yep, that's the new headcanon. Paul always has a fresh cut under the hat.
Haha!! It's not that fresh, there are only about 4 hairs left up there. And no cut I do myself deserves such accolades 🤣
I like to use my therapy as a brainstorming session or to find resources. From what I have learned, behavior change isn't something that autistic people can achieve through therapy practices. We have to truly understand what is happening at a level that is deeper than most professionals even consider approaching. The fundamental root cause of autism is that mTOR doesn't work for us with respect to autophagy on our synapses... so, we cannot prune unnecessary synapses like NTs. That leads to our brains being hyperconnected... and the reason why so many small autistic children seem to regress is that around 2-years-old is when that autophagy really kicks into high gear, and it isn't happening for us. So, we can't really remove behaviors... we have to develop new behaviors. When we learn and create behaviors, they seem to last forever... but hyper connectivity in our brains can be so overwhelming that it can be difficult to take in that information in the first place. I generally don't suffer from the overwhelm in the way that I have a hard time learning, but it is so frustrating.
What I do need is somewhere I can find things that other autistic people that are more similar to me than the set of all autistic people, think about those things, experiment with the practices and see if they're beneficial for me.
Most resources online are problematic from one perspective or another. There are either professional resources that are not well informed about autism... or focused on children. Other autistic people are often also a mess. There are loads of autistic people online that effectively being manipulative to other autistic people trying to say you must be the exact same way and adopt their group think. My psych who diagnosed me was autistic, which was very beneficial. However, post-diagnosis, he was very insistent that all autistic people need to have a specific world view and become activists for the unending list of protected groups. I have no problems with any of the protected groups and I am very protective of people when I see them being mistreated... however, I am autistic and highly PDA... I am not a joiner. I do not do group activities. And with the PDA... I am not buying into the way someone says I should be. The most ironic thing... my autistic psych claims to also be highly PDA... you would think he would get it. He kicked me out of the support group over this. It was good, I didn't need that support group.
I need a problem solving support group. Approach everything methodically and scientifically.
I understand that. If something needs to be figured out, then lets figure it out. It isn't emotional, it is a question and what we need is an answer. The amount of times I have been made to be the bad guy because I don't want a meeting for a meeting's sake, I don't want 20 project managers, I just want to go and do what's needed, and return. But I leave out egos, emotional pampering, back slapping, workplace politics...
So I can see the method, the reasons for the method, and want to remedy. But I am the 'wrong' one for not being interested in the fluff. 👍🏻
I got so insulted and angry over a counsellor making assumptions about me
Psychologist in training, therapist on full-time predoctoral internship, Male, 32, dx ADHD, never contemplated autism until 2-3 weeks ago. I am still working through self-diagnosis, I want to avoid confirmation bias, which I know takes time to really avoid so I am going slow as to not be hasty in coming to a conclusion. I have to say, there are a few people I worked with in the past that I missed in identifying due to my lack of education on autism and the variability of the spectrum.
I am glad to be going down this road now of deep learning about autism, and I still have time with some of them to make a difference, which makes me super excited for work next week! Thank you for sharing your particular version of autism, I actually relate very strongly with your experiences.... but I am not ready yet to claim the identity yet. Your videos are helping in expanding my perspective and knowledge, so thank you! Hopefully, I will become one of those therapists soon enough in the future who can identify, at the very least, as a clinician with ADHD and autistic "traits," as I feel comfortable in saying now! Representation matters, and hopefully I can be that person for someone else in the future that you were/are hoping for in your local community.
Best of luck moving forward.
While waiting for a doctor for your pain, research natural and dietary cures. I've had friends with terrible diagnoses, or terrible problems that nobody could diagnose, who turned their health around remarkably with just dietary changes. Can't hurt to try.
I do try dietary changes and stick to them for 90 days to see if they make a difference, unfortunately I am yet to find something that helps within the food groups I can tolerate 👍🏻
Thanks for sharing Paul, I have so much I want to say but I’ll just say for now that I’m so sorry about your friend. That story breaks my heart. How’s little George doing?
Thanks Marie. George has been doing okay this week thanks. Although he slept most of yesterday after a big walk. You'd think he's an old man!
I know what you mean. It’s so hard to form an attachment to other adults. Then when I do, years later, they die and are gone. I’ve had far too many people die in my life and the losses are devastating.
I've lost many people through the years, but only the one I've had a genuine connection with. The loss never gets easier, but you can only be shocked so many times they're not here anymore.
Thank you so much for your honesty and integrity, Paul! I relate deeply with your perspective on therapy 🙏🏼 I self-identified as Autistic just before my 30th birthday (in 2022) and EVERYTHING about my life & experiences finally made sense. From then on, the love and compassion for myself has grown immensely-I LOVE THAT I’M AUTISTIC ♥️ Nearly 2 years since, I’ve finally connected with a psychiatrist (thanks to my husband for making the call on my behalf!) so that I can manage my antidepressant (prescribed to me in 2020 after what I now know was a major Autistic Meltdown due to severe burnout-I also gained 30lbs because of it!), and to begin the official Autism diagnosis process.
When I arrive at my psychiatrist’s office, I’m asked to fill out intake forms to describe how “depressed” or “anxious” I’ve felt in the last two weeks. I told my doctor after my 3rd visit that these questionnaires are not designed for me. I’m Autistic. My life is inherently a wave of anxiety & depression and I’m okay with that. What I find depressing is not being able to *express* myself by doing the things that I want to do. Yes, I struggle to “focus or sit still on the couch while watching TV” because I don’t want to fucking do that, but I get too much push-back from my partner, that it feels safer to put my needs aside in order to avoid conflict.
I feel anxiety walking to my front patio that is quite privately positioned inside a tall fence, let alone walking out my front gate to grab a delivery or mow the grass in the front yard.
Last year, I had a therapist who herself is Autistic, and I thought that I had hit the jackpot! I was so excited to talk with someone about specific things through an Autistic lens. When I finally felt ready to bring up a traumatic event from my childhood, she WASN’T EVEN LISTENING. It was so fucked up that I ended our sessions. Every week I would just talk and at the very end of my session, my therapist would finally chime in with something that may be really useful, but the following week she didn’t remember what we were supposed to talk about or that I specifically asked her make a note of what she wanted to help me work through so that we could dive right in. I was definitely taken advantage of because I don’t have any “friends” to talk to. I don’t want any friends so that I can talk about my shit, that’s why I have a therapist. I don’t like to sit around and complain, I want to get to the root and learn new TOOLS for navigating my life MY way, as an Autistic person.
Even though it didn’t work out for me, if I do seek therapy again, it will definitely be with someone who is Autistic and I will have to do better research to vet them for their process. Like you, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with my Autism-it’s the other challenges in my life that can ONLY be addressed through an Autistic lens. I’m exhausted now, and it will probably take me months to years before I find a therapist who doesn’t take advantage of my vulnerability. Sigh. Thank you again! -Meryn
Thanks for sharing 👍🏻
therapy is not for everyone. I was only once when I really was in a angry mood for many weeks. It helped very well in just one meeting. Sometimes it can help, sometimes people need it for a long time, sometimes you don´t need it at all and have other ways to deal with things.
There are some really ineffective therapists/psychologists out there.
When you read the message forums, most questions come from frustrated Autistics who have a miscommunication with their therapist and impacts their metal health.
I have tried therapy many times and you illustrate well why it doesn't work for me- they don't really get the issues, maybe on a surface level but it is always from a perspective from someone who is not autistic. Shame when I have other issues unrelated to autism that need help but with the autism it makes some of these hard issues to tackle harder while being autistic.
Exactly. Everything you are is not because you're Autistic, but everything you do can affect your Autism. It is so important for therapists to understand this, and they cannot if they don't know what Autism FEELS like.
Going to a non-Autistic therapist to talk about Autism is the same as talking to a lifelong vegan about what steak tastes like.
Maybe you could search for an english speaking autistic psychologist. Nowadays most psychologists have online therapy services and you don’t even need to leave your house. And the sessions feel pretty much the same as in person. I once found out one autistic psychologist in Canada, and they are not as uncommom as you might think. Or ask on one of those forums you talked about (Reddit has some popular ones about autism).
Also… psychological factors may also show up as physical symptoms (pain or some ailments). Problems of this nature are considered psychological (like an underlying emotional issue) if no physical cause can be found. :)
I'll be looking into my mental health around my physical health if all comes back well, as I can't keep being worried about it. Fortunately, any good brain tickler can help in that sense. 😁
As always, an excellent, serious discussion. If I could find a therapist who's autistic, I might be in therapy. Non-autistic therapists, even good ones also schooled in autism, will at some level, even unconsciously, assume that you need help fitting in to neurotypical culture. That would be counter-therapeutic, making things worse. Each autistic person is unique, so an autistic therapist who is aware of their own autism (self-insight) would not have the same challenges as their patient. But they would understand that fitting in to NT culture, masking, etc. causes burdens unseen by NT therapists. I don't see a way to bridge the gap. Even autistic people who are heavily masked, in denial of their autism, can be harsh toward autistic people if the mask slips, so they would not be good therapists.
Then the field of therapy itself may be a problem. It will be built on NT assumptions. The self-aware autistic therapist will have had to examine these assumptions and found/developed new ones. Witness the "therapies" for children designed to make their autism less visible that are ultimately hurtful, so-called social skills training, etc The field is full of examples, highly touted. "Curing" autism is a theme, too.
That said, there are things in therapy that could help autistic people. Anxiety reduction is one. I have learned how to calm myself in several ways, for example, breathing and visualization techniques. But if I go to a therapist and am helped with this, but then am constantly, sometimes subtly, urged to "make more friends" that is ultimately gaslighting and harmful. Appreciating myself as an autistic person, finding my own ways to unmask, finding when to mask and how to limit the burden of masking. Unless I have a good autistic therapist, I'm better off exploring these things on my own.
Food for thought. Thank you.
Good points as always. Thank you 👍🏻
I go to therapy, but not for my autism. It's for the traumas it's caused. She is a trauma councillor, and also knows a bit about autism. Even though she can't understand things like an autistic person could, she does help me with how I feel about things. I see her because I have no one else in my life I can be myself with. In my house is the only other place it's safe to not mask. I only encounter other autistic people online. It's a lonely life, so I thank God for CZcams!
It's good when you find someone who can help you in the way the help is designed for you. I'll never knock or mock therapy. I just struggle when people go to discuss Autism related matters with someone who isn't Autistic 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I can relate to that! I never let anyone try to convince me they know where I'm coming from when they clearly don't. My counselor never acts like she can totally understand. She just listens, validates what I'm saying, and then asks me questions to learn more, or offers a way to look at my problem differently. Some have always acted like they knew the best solution and that was that. If I don't think what she says will work, she doesn't push it, and we look at more possibilities. She's one of the best. 🏆
@raven4090 really good to hear you have someone positive in your corner 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Thanks. I hope you have someone you can talk to for support as well.
My dog is a good listener, and only interrupts when he wants a biscuit.
My unasked for guess is that there wasn't any loss of translation, but company policy. Try to cancel Virgin media broadband.. almost impossible! They cancelled the contract and then opened a new one a couple days later without my knowledge, so when I called for verification they said I called them a couple of days later to open a new account.. what a b...t and that was less than a year ago.
Have a good weekend Paul!
They cancelled what they needed to when I explained it and I got a refund, but I couldn't get it understood when it was with an Indian call centre. It was BT, I used to have Virgin Media but don't have them anymore for the same reason you mention. So hard to cancel! Hope your weekend is good too 👍🏻
Magnesium got rid of my fibromyalgia. That and forcing myself to exercise which was hard....pain and so friggin tired, but it helped!! We r deficient of so much nutrient, also eat as much organic as possible!! You may have histamine issues with food, as well as oxalates and salicylates and leaky gut, I found a low histamine probiotic. These issues can affect our health. Detox with clays and charcoal and do parasite killers, this all helped me so much!! Avoid crap foods, they make us mentally worse, crap or junk food ruins our mitochondria. So many toxins and so much to keep us broke down health wise. Do your research my friend. You r your best Dr and best friend!! Rock on Mr!! From 1 autistic to another!!
Many thanks. I follow Paul Saladino on IG. I like hearing his different approaches when it comes to foods 👍🏻
Drs. Georgia Ede, Chris Palmer, Anthony Chaffee, Ken Berry, Ben Bickman. They cannot replace an in person GP, but I've found them to be a wealth of information that has helped me navigate my own mental and physical medical malfunctions and a lack of GP's that I feel understand me. Thanks for your videos, they too have helped me.
I am only half way your video and I am gutted for you. I recognize a lot of what you're saying. I heard a quote from an ancient philosopher that not knowing is the cruelest form of torture. I wish I could remember his name because that would make my doctors the worst kind of sadists. They knew but didn't tell me. Looked annoyed and some even puf when I went back again and again for the same symptoms. I am telling you this to let you know that even when they make time for you doesn't mean they actually listen.
I have fibromyalgia from diagnosed but not treated PTSD. If only they told me I would have treated myself but then I wouldn't keep coming back, now, would I?
You are doing great. You are working and making your own money and you are telling your story to help others. You need self-compassion. You have to treat yourself like you want to be treated. There is nothing wrong with you.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society,”
Be kind to yourself, treat yourself, listen to your body. Walk in nature, get a garden even if it's just some pots hanging from a balcony or a window box.
Even if the whole world that worships criminals and tyrants say disagree, you still have to THINK, I am worth it.
I'm trying to get there little by little with telling myself that I am important too. Just hard to go in after a lifetime of not believing it 👍🏻
@AdultwithAutism Love is a verb, don't tell yourself,SHOW yourself. If you want a packet of crisps, take a packet of crisps. You beating up yourself about just result in more crisps. Take it as a treat. Like when watching a movie at the weekend or as a reward on a long walk.
Self-love can be as simple as buying a good pair of shoes for your shape of feet. Or changing the doorbell to sound that doesn't give you anxiety every time you expect a delivery.
Never thought it would be that simple. After 12 years of terror without knowing the reason for it I changed the doorbell. Can't remember ever being anxious since then.
Like pain from the wrong kind of shoes. I would get orthopaedic insoles for the WRONG kind of shoes. Again, they didn't tell me, so the problems just got worse.
It's not knowing that makes everything worse!
So please listen to your body and take yourself serious
Will do 👍🏻
Not knowing is driving me crazy which does impact my health.
I totally agree. The way i say it is, if i initiate something its "fine", but if someone else initiates it its not okay. Usually related to conversations or hugs.but everything. Sorry, I know I'm not good with words right now.
Makes me think of people who are in drug rehab run by people who have never been addicted. Great advice nut thise people are not going to believe or accept that help. At least thays all the people I've known has said to me.
The drug rehab is a good analogy...I am going to borrow it for the foreseeable future to describe Autism 👍🏼
I am a firm believer in therapy, and I completely agree with you.
(I'd write more, but I exhausted myself commenting on your mistrust/lying segment. 😁)
Haha, it was a good comment.
Oddly most people come to therapy looking to be fixed or for a solution, which I just have to be upfront and say I haven't got. I think even autistic people form some odd expectations about how they should be, and the anxiety and distress come from wanting the 'normal' thing because society says they should not because they actually want it (ironic because autism by definition is not understanding or not being bothered by external forces/expectations).
It's an excellent point on people needing to take responsibility for doing the work. People get very angry with us (therapists) thinking they can attend a session and that's all the work they need to do. People often believe they need an 'expert' to resolve all problems, even ones that in yesture years we would have dealt with ourselves or by talking to peers or other members of the community, e.g. priest.
I do find it slightly hypocritical that when someone needs a diagnosis to feel validated, clinicians are the experts but thereafter we are not (or if there's a disagreement over said diagnosis). I think it's worth remembering that none of us is diagnosed (in the true medical sense), so much as we can meet a pre-determined set of behavioural features and experiences, which when you consider the entirety of the DSM and human experiences, could arise for any reason (including trauma - physical or mental). Until we can develop a neurological identifier we can't be diagnosed, only be confirmed that we meet a clinical threshold criteria (and likely we will meet a number of others). This also means theoretically that there will be 'autistic' people who are subclinical in presentation and would not warrant the diagnosis, since part of the criteria is regarding severity of impact. The thing is you wouldn't see them in a clinic or requesting diagnosis because generally they are managing and content. But we do know that people not carrying or seeking a diagnosis can score over cut-off points in research. It's a shame that nobody ever seems to think the follow-up with these people to find out why they are doing (presumably) okay, as this is likely valuable information about what helps people we are currently identifying as autistic.
Looking at the changing landscape of mental health, we may find in 10 years that we will be calling ourselves something else so I've learned to not get too attached to these labels and to just develop a sense of my own innate factors, abilities, preferences, needs etc. I'd also warn people not to judge the quality of a therapist on the person sharing your diagnosis - 1) most therapists will have had training that discourages the sharing of personal information like having a diagnosis - in some ways would make me question why a person has that as the main part of their advertising, 2) an autistic therapist can still be rubbish and not evidence-based and trust me I've seen some awful 'lived-experience' workers as well as some good ones, 3) some neurotypical therapist have contributed massively and positively (Tony Attwood) as an example. 4) as odd as we might seem to the rest of society, we're still human and are likely to have human needs in a very similar ballpark, 5) not listening and not having flexibility or the ability to change perspective and adjust treatment is the sign of a rubbish therapist whether they are autistic, neurotypical, or from the moon...
I wouldn't have ever probably known I am Autistic if it wasn't for a prolonged stressor in the workplace. The environmental factors forced me to find out why I was different. I always knew, but never gave it much thought. But the constant reminder on a daily basis forced me to find a reason 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Same, if I'd not been subject to so much stress and bad treatment I wouldn't have thought anything about it other than maybe I was a bit of an introverted eccentric.
And that answer would have been good enough usually. Calling myself an introvert and a reclusive worked for years for me, until I had prolonged exposure to stress.
I've tried therapy several times over the years. The only therapist I've wanted to stick with does not identify as autistic herself, but her partner is autistic and so is at least one of their children. In our discussions, I did not keep getting the inner voice telling me that she has no idea how confusing the things she suggests are -- which is the experience I had with two previous therapists.
I'm glad you found someone more in tune with you 👍🏻
I've had quite a few therapists over the last 15 years and also psychiatrists and a neurologist prescribing medicine that often had many side effects that made life really hard. I am done. Not one of them ever realized I might be autistic and therefore struggling with the "normal" life. Not one of them mentioned there is something like complex ptsd. Both I found out for myself over the last year. It makes me wonder why we pay for a health system that is this blind and broken.
When I said I'd like to know whether I really might be autistic, they wanted to send me to another psychiatrist and told me to focus on the present instead of the past. Huh? I am so disappointed. Isn't there another way for a diagnosis instead of going to someone who will want to prescribe more medicine again? There really should be... Rant over *sigh
from my experience, and in some countries by law: only psychiaters are capable of / allowed to give that diagnosis.
All others are quacks when it comes to A. diagnosis and traitment.
many psychiaters can't even detect ASD in an hour time...
I tried CBT recently, its very helpful. I was almost giving my therapist advice, even started doing a course to become a CBT practioner. it can be helpful even just for the knowledge
That's great, really hope it works out for you 👍🏻
I use homeopathy. You can find your symptoms and narrow it down to a number of remedies. Its not for everyone but it suits me. Allopathic medicine is about cut , burn or poison imo.
This is something that concerns me about the possibility of pursuing Vocational Therapy, now that I know I have autism and how it's affected me my entire life. I'm *deeply* afraid that they'll just teach me social skills, and how to function on a team at work -- when what I *really* need is help dealing with autistic burnout, social anxiety keeping me from looking for work, autistic inertia keeping me from starting work when I need to and stopping when it's time to go home, and how to balance interacting with people while preventing shutdowns and meltdowns.
What I find *particularly* troubling is that there's hardly any indication that the medical/psychological community even understands these attributes of autism (excepting the few professionals who are actually autistic). I cannot help but be afraid that if I tried to get an assessment, I'll be found "normal" because I can make eye contact (except when I can't -- I've been noticing more and more that there are times and situations where I "avert my gaze") and because I have friends and am married.
Video is a year old so hope your somatic symptoms have improved. I’ve had a functional movement disorder (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures) and a functional neurologic disorder (somatization tendinitis) at different times in my undiagnosed autistic past, and am now quite sure fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue are somatoform expressions of emotion (in ASD most often anxiety or grief linked to unresolved preverbal implicit betrayal trauma).
AFAICT so-called autistic burnout is actually autistic catatonia. Catatonia is a limbic fear response equivalent to “playing possum”. Psychiatry will misdiagnose that as early onset dementia and treat it with contraindicated antipsychotics-which then guarantee it persists and further deteriorates (seemingly confirming their lazy misdiagnosis which, incidentally, could be differentiated by lorazepam challenge in a couple of hours with a 2 mg Ativan in most cases). The money is in autism’s chronicity so they pretend echolalia could be anything other than the perseveration of failure to flatter one’s primary attachment figure into conversation and that the point of regression so many parents report isn’t the kid’s decision to stop humiliating himself and pissing her off in recognition her bulldozer ego will never tolerate his autonomous agency. Pop psychology follows psychiatry’s corrupt lead. And psychiatry as the very discipline which elaborated autism as developmental delay continues to self-contradictorily insist there’s no such thing as an adult-onset PD. Autism is the evolutionarily adaptive postponement of ego development until we can get out on our own and raise ourselves.
Very obvious to me developmental delay explains why many diagnosed autistic females still don’t make a better decision than babytrapping to secure their own futures. It invites postpartum psychosis which of course alexithymic individuals do not treat. So also seems quite clear BPD is the inevitable sequelae of untreated postpartum psychosis in ASD. The strongest evidence IMO that the only way to make a kid autistic is to give him a borderline narcissist or psychopath mother has always been that they don’t meaningfully worry with any sincerity that they might have even accidentally caused it. Or about the unnecessary deaths they caused by pointing the finger at vaccines. Psychoanalysis with either an alistic or autistic analyst is probably a good surrogate witnessing function for the one we didn’t get as kids. I just know DIYing it to this point still hasn’t pulled me out of burnout (and I’m pretty sure that’s why). Fun fact: autism is a neologism Bleuler gave Freudian autoeroticism after Freud forgot himself in front of non-geniuses and described infantile inklings of adult sexuality as infantile sexuality. It just means the alternative outcome to Oedipal separation in the first four months, and even though infants with no dads around from whom to want to take their mothers are probably more likely to end up autistic-Freud did get the important part about noninstantiation of whole emotional personhood (absence of credible legitimation like in orphanages) spot fucking on. And he did it without pretending autism’s “genetic” a dozen years (and counting) after the sequencing of the genome or giving it multiple names like reactive attachment disorder and CPTSD. Is what it is.
Thanks for that. Unfortunately going through something else currently. I've been in health anxiety stages for 6 out of last 8 years. I can't cut myself a break at times it seems 👍🏻
I hate bars and clubs. I do the concert thing 🤘 because small talk is only done between bands. The light in my face is tough. I just wear sunglasses and close my eyes.
I tried therapy and a place to vent and get some validation from someone felt good at first. Then it started feeling like is this helping? There is no help for me.
Concerts are a good release, but I need a smaller venue. Concerts with tens of thousands...not for me!
Respect for making this video! Bravery! I feel comforted and like I am "found" hearing this. I despise therapy.
Glad you like the video 👍🏻
A friend's wife has same unexplained symptoms where medical doctors are clueless after a zillion tests! Don't feel alone Paul, you have "civilizational allergies", some call it fibromyalgia or any of the autoimmune disorders where cure is evident ! but modern medicine looks for disorders of our bodies rather than environmental toxins near at hand. My friend's house for example is fully carpeted with two cats roaming about, they use toxic household cleaners/soaps, have a mold problem from poor ventilation and over stressed with a lousy diet high in inflammatory sugars! The cure requires hard work, daily self-administered therapies, changing eating/breathing habits and especially having regular BMs, coffee enemas recommended if not, and especially infrared saunas or daily sweating out of toxins especially heavy metals big time. Doctors in charge of helping 911 first responders stated that sweating was their most effective modality detoxing their patients, and they really needed it!! ~~ self-study detoxing then use modern medicine only for emergencies, peace brother ~~
Thanks for that. Intermittent fasting starts again for me next week now I am feeling past the worst of the issues, and I am starting to get back in the rower to start moving a bit more too. Thankfully my place is quite clear as a clear space is better for a clear mind, so home toxins will be at a minimum. Worst place in the house is what is in the fridge! But when you become unwell, the last thing on your mind is good eating. Well, it is for me!
@@AdultwithAutism The fridge, you got that right Paul, years ago I opened my fridge and trembled with horror, breads ice cream rice crisps fruit goodies, all high sugar inflammatory foods, good lord I was addicted so switched to a modified Keto diet. Your current situation sounds improving but removing past/ongoing toxins is main concern, these air/water/food toxins require active and regular flushing out ~~ we ALL fight to survive daily, this collapsing world!!
Yep, I'll get there...very slowly but surely. Treated myself to some free weights today in order to bring some resistance in. So the will is there 👍🏻
I have learned the hard way that I need to have an informed, neurodivergent AND neurodivergence affirming therapist. When they can’t understand us, how can they provide helpful feedback?
I had an audiologist provide ZERO helpful feedback. She could have recommended high fidelity earplugs or ANY ear plugs! Instead, she made a comment about anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t make things sound painfully loud. I eventually found loop and flare earplugs. I wear them to loud parties to dance to music at the perfect volume close enough to the speaker for the soothing vibration. I don’t go to talk. I also wear earbuds to work because everything is too loud, even badging in and out repeatedly is piercingly loud.
If pain can be confused with anxiety, it is not hard to see how I was previously misdiagnosed and misinterpreted by therapists.
That's not good. I agree that you need someone able to understand where things come from, and not just the thing itself 👍🏻
Problem with psychotherapy is that it attempts to normalize your experience of the world and behavior. If you’re autistic in amounts to professional gaslighting. I suffered from extreme anxiety and did 30 years of psychotherapy and psychiatry took dozens of psychotropic drugs intensive thousands of dollars and never got better, I felt like a failure until I realized I was autistic and received a diagnosis. In the following years, I came to understand that my anxiety was utterly appropriate given how unsafe the Neurotypical world is for me.
So again, the problem is the psychotherapy attempts to normalize / eliminate rather than accommodate autism traits. It’s not just useless it’s dangerous. I can envision certain circumstances, under which psychotherapy might be of limited values, such as when grieving for the loss of a friend as you were for several years. In this instance, I would only see a psychotherapist who was openly autistic because there’s no way a Neurotypical therapist can empathize with what an autistic person experiences in such a loss. I hope that helps.
Me: Cult survivor, autistic, ADHD, CPTSD -- high functioning/high masking. My therapist: cult survivor, autistic, ADHD -- high functioning/years of eliminating mask. I'm the one driving the cart. She's the one helping me navigate. Anything less doesn't work.
Sounds just right 👍🏻
Really hard---- to live when your body wont act right and causes so much anxiety and depression
I wouldn't waste time looking to mainstream medicine for solutions to fibromyalgia. You're better off with energy medicine like acupuncture or tapping. The drugs they use for Fibromyalgia put you at risk for very nasty side effects, dependency and prolonged withdrawal.
I have my own horror story about therapists, but to make a long story short, I often pick up on things that people are in denial about.
I try and stay away from meds where I can. If I know why I have a pain, I don't use pain meds for example. I deal with it until it goes.
@@AdultwithAutism I'm growing chamomile and using it to help me sleep. It's much better fresh and made into a tea.
There are lots of autistic psychologists🤚 it can be helpful to talk to such a person because autistic psychologists sometimes know from the inside some approaches that work. (Like ACT, cognitive behavior mapping, sensory protection and integration strategies)
Be happy to talk to them. I need Autism to be at the forefront of whatever the concern may be, in order to find the path forward. I find people who are not experienced in Autism still try to apply the same expectation via the same pathway as they would for non-Autistic people.
This might sound a bit nuts but consider trying a low carb diet. Give it a couple of weeks and see how you feel. Also, emotional pain will manifest as physical pain. I personally suspect that is what fibromyalgia is (and maybe also the effect of years of a high carb processed diet). Basically, if your ancestors didnt eat it, you probably shouldnt either. Has worked wonders for me.
Doesn't sound nuts. I've tried a lot of different diets over the years, even ones to test all the gut theories with Autism. The only one that made any difference was the carnivore diet. It did nothing at all for my Autism or existing ailments, but because I was eating cleaner, I had the benefits of it. It's something I'm looking to try again soon 👍🏻
yes
👍🏻
Hello Paul ❤ 😁Im in "PNW"...
"The Great
Pacific NorthWest" States, Paul...Oregon & Washington State: I have Renamed as "OreWa" because i navigate thru both States. Oregon has a 10% State Tax & Washington does not have any State taxes. So im right on the Borderline in Washington State on The Columbian River in a monthly hotel.
Im a New Subscriber "Autist
Aspbergers" Spectrum & Self diagnosed ..
(passed all the self tests done multiple times over period of months, just to be sure ) I dont have the $5000 to spend trying to find out for sure, either.
But the tests explain a lot about myself and the ODD behaviours;
Thankyou for being so Brave ...
Im a 63 yr old Retiree/ Pensioner/Marathon Traveller/Explorer from several states away from this town & place. I was born in Nevada, Las Vegas to a 150 year old migrant Pioneer family genetic inheritance.
Ive very much enjoyed your Vids and am very similar in personalities to yourself -
Ive
Found myself a nice hotel to live in here and its a much "Safer" space than just living in the Woods & Wilderness-
& Being continually on the move; perpetually camping out OFF GRID in the mountains & woods ( 17 years total ) OffGrid Camper in woods & wilderness in the middle of nowhere-
Can U just imagine that? 😅)
I COMPLETELY AVOIDED COVID EXPOSURE cause ive had no contact with humans😄 17 years
Now am gradually transitioning back into civilisation 4 past 2.5 months...in a small town called Longview Washington State.
I dont like the traffic noise next to hotel & being in town here i must say. Ive gotten over sensitized to the Silence of the Rain Forest 3.5 hours drive away.
17 years went past so quickly, i never noticed the passage of time.
This small town is 3.5 hours drive away from my mountains & woods where i lived.
Im born an American in Nevada;
I found a Scouser living illegally in San Diego many years ago and so i was determined to help "Save" him from the deportation of the INS and Americanised his Heavy Accent ...
Took me six months to learn his accent & what he meant when he spoke.
So now i do speak "Scouse" and
Yes, I am very aware of your culture and expressions. I do love Manchester accents; not as difficult to understand as Scouse was...
Yes, i am also very much awares of what Brits think of Scousers but itz okay here in USA;
There is no judgement because its a different country and culture..
Anyway, he's Now a LEGAL civilian and gone off to bigger and better things in California and we are all much better off for the experience.
I had a CoWorker that had "KPSmilin" on their car license plate.
Thanks for your videos.
GOD BLESS U SIR
Yes, I am 8 hours time difference behind you...i know its is 7pm there where you are located.
I moved in Here because of THE HEAT DOME summer emergency HERE and I need
GOOD, STABLE AIR CONDITIONING & HEAT environment that my current car does not have. Shopping for another to replace this defective vehicle.
Thanks for reading my platherings
😇😁
Oh...one more thing, I have been " Lurking out here on Your Channels "
for quite some time before I felt "safe enough", to write to you. I am still partly "a wild forest hooman" and socially avoidant...hahaha😂
Glad to have you over here! Living off the grid is the dream. I've just spent the last few days doing the same thing. It's definitely been beneficial for me 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism17 years experienced for me ...its definitely doable but very difficult at times. I've been living Rent Free for 17 years ...and so discovered up here they do not want to rent an apartment to me cause I have no rental history anywhere ...as if I have never existed; hence the hotel to "prove" I can pay a regular monthly rental fee. I've been travelling round exploring different areas in PNW for nearly 20 years but mostly living OFF GRID; deep in the Wilderness far away from societal norms. Or whatever society views as "normalcy" anyway.😅😅
Ive Well Learnt the practice of "LEAVING NO TRACE" living in my Rain Forest lifestyles, so no one trying to follow could even tell if I had ever been there in the first place. I first learned this particilar technique from a Japanese Scuba Diving Master living in San Diego in the late 1970s early 1980s.
Crazy because you chose a lifestyle that the government get twitchy about you just because they didn't know where you were 😂
Hi Paul...its Shawn again. Im still alive here and still in the hotel ...ive flipped the crappy car I had into another vehicle I found on Craigslist Vancouver, WA.
Re: Invisible and twitchy govts..
I haven't voted for about 25 years and so whomever is president; well its wasn't my fault, per se.
I did look into trying to rent a house here locally, however there was a wierd glitch in the rental programme, so the landlord was unable to send me his attachment of; basically its an evisceration of my personal life and misc; ad nauseum personality ..
Well, The Autism Overload reared its ugly head on me un the middle of everything..
and
its autistic overload;
ALL OR NUTHIN
and
So i got super cold feet and backed off suddenly, thinking there was some kinda
"devine" reasoning to everything anyway and i started feeling very uncomfortable about his processes questions and procedures.
So at the third time, the attachment was not sent with his request, i told him I didnt want to further waste his time asked him to please move onto the next prospective client.
Then deleted my personal profile and then the entire Online Rental App.
So much excitement for a weekend day. Back to square one again. Already established in here for four months already and things seem otherwise fine except for the massive traffic noises out here that i can't stand.
Love your Videos- and really listen to everything you are saying ...❤
God Bless You and hope you continue to feel better and better; if only by degrees ..at ..least its progress back to full health once again..
❤😃(Poker tournaments in all the rooms at the doctors..) HAW.
(You should write for stand up comedian; you are really have a natural talent )
But seriously, answering 2 random strangers really personal questions ...
THERES something really Spooky about
eviscerating myself to random online strangers and trying to "prove whom I am" to a random online😢 stranger really freaked me out and pushed all my REDFLAG buttons ..
So i made my apologies and BOWED completely OUT and deleted the APP.🤔
Welcome to my world of massive Austistic Paranoia.
Did you have a 😜nice trip...it sounds crazy but thats how i feel about this situation.
Team building exercises always make me understand that I am NOT a team player when the rest of the team is not autistic.
Team building exercises have never yet made me feel part of a team...just awkward amongst people I work with 👍🏻
I call therapy another part of the corporate motivational bullshit business.
Sure, some people get better if they use therapy.
Some people actually get rich following some obnoxious speaker.
It doesn't mean one should expect the result.
Suggestion of 'therapy' is the default position for some health professionals who: a) use a conveyor belt system in order to 'deal' with people - "NEXT!" b) have no time to actually think 'is this the right course of action for this person?' c) thinks that someone who's 'different' needs to be shown how to be 'same' and therefore 'fit in' and be 'happy'.
I've had therapists reach out and offer me free therapy but the first thing they do is want to get me out and about. They instantly have shown that they haven't listened to one of my core facts about myself that I'm an introvert and actually take more contentment from isolation 👍🏻