How to Listen Without Interrupting
Vložit
- čas přidán 2. 01. 2024
- Learn more about the topic of connecting with your partner in conversation in my Psychology Today article, How to Close the Gap Between You and Your Partner: bit.ly/3tOL6EO
Like this video? Subscribe to this channel! bit.ly/2mpjIKn
JOIN my e-newsletter: bit.ly/2G6Z1aE
LIKE on Facebook: / drlesliebp
FOLLOW on Twitter: / drlesliebp
LEARN more on www.drbecker-phelps.com/
Making change through compassionate self-awareness
As someone with ADHD this is particularly hard for me. However at 63 years old I am finally enjoying moments where I do catch myself and I must say it feels good.
What you are sharing shows that it is never too late for personal growth! Keep up the good work :)
Stop this ADHD nonsense... Just stop it, already! It does not exist! You're old enough to know that!
The reason I feel like interrupting people is that they so often switch subjects rapidly-- from x to y to z-- as if x was over and done with, and what the hell are you doing bringing x up again when it was already "discussed" two minutes ago? So no real discussion of x gets achieved unless I stop them before they switch topics.
I agree that it is really difficult when people rapidly switch subjects. If interrupting helps focus the conversation, then what you are doing is clearly helpful. But if not, then you might want to try a different approach. All of that said, in this video, I was trying to focus more on when people interrupt with their own personal reaction before letting the first person finish expressing even a single experience or point. This often leads to frustrated conversations, especially when the first person is trying to express something important to them. In such cases, the person will more likely feel listened to, and like you care to hear what they are thinking or feeling, when you do more listening and less talking (at least at first).
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD OK, good. I think I at least let people make a point before I interrupt them, but I will examine future interactions to make sure that's what I'm actually doing.
@@23Skeetoo I'm glad you found that my response offers some helpful guidance.
They don't know the difference between Venting and DISCUSSING an issue. I know what you're talking about. I have a short fuse when it comes to.B.S. too.
One of the things I have learned in my travels is that all relationships are idiosyncratic. What works with one person will not necessarily work with another. I think getting to know people and talking about your likes and dislikes and being honest solves a lot of these problems.I've also learned that, if I can't have that with a particular person, then for all my wishing, perhaps that person is not a good pick for me to be around.
Pete, I'm guessing that this hard-won insight has helped you to have more fulfilling relationships. Just as with your last comment, your continued efforts are clearly paying off.
Thanks for the sound advice Leslie.😊
Thank you, Adam.
Thank you for this video! At 50, I find it difficult to not interrupt sometimes, and I will start practicing some of your suggestion. I notice my son (13) has a big problem with this-bigger than the average bear cub-but is there a natural lack of impulse control due to his prefrontal cortex not being fully developed yet?
Listening well is not as easy as it can seem, and there are many reasons people interrupt. For example, maybe your son interrupts because he is around friends who tend to do this, or he's been around adults who have done this, or he needs to learn this skill of listening. As you astutely pointed out, his difficulty could be related to needing his brain to mature more -- part of growing from a cub to a full-fledged bear. I'm guessing you are a better listener now than you were at 13, and you will be even better (especially if you work on it) at 63. By working on this, you can also be a good role model for your son.
This is really helpful, thank you!
I'm glad, and you are welcome!
How do you handle repeated interruptions to what your saying, that leads you to believe it's a sort of banter, but then when you do the same you're accused of interrupting. So much of the time I never get to the point of what I'm trying to say, my politeness to allow the other person to speak and my patience to allow them to finish often makes me seem like the rude one when I go to bring up my subject again. Sometimes the interruptions to what I'm saying are because the subject matter reminds someone of a story they want to tell, so I wait, and then of course I need to respond to their story first, and then try to get back to my point. If I were to interject like that I would be considered so rude and told so, and gotten irritated at. I try to adapt and be respectful of other people's banter types, but I'm finding this makes me more of a doormat. But rather than _"fight fire with fire"_ and become the same way, I usually just don't even bother with trying to go back to whatever I was initially talking about since it obviously doesn't matter, and since _"everyone wants to be heard, therefore wants a listener, not a talker"_ .
I think some people are just taught way differently than others. Fortunately I'm not emotionally vexed by it. TG!
That is frustrating! You are certainly not alone. And your strategy makes sense. Often people have to decide whether it is worth trying to get their point across. You cannot make someone listen. Sometimes the answer is to find a different audience; one that wants to listen to you, just as you listen to them! Also, there is no need to be a doormat. If you believe that the other person is treating you that way, you might want to end the conversation and limit how much you engage with them (though there are a lot of factors that can affect this, such as the particular occasion or your relationship to the person).
Do you consider the continuous feedback method of conversation to be constantly interrupting or is it a valid form of dialogue?
I am not familiar with the "continuous feedback method of conversation." However, I can say that providing feedback frequently in conversations is important. Still, that feedback needs to include timing your responses so that you are working with the other person and not against them in the conversation. For example, a quiet "mm-hmm" and nodding might be helpful even as the person is talking, but talking over the other person with your an expanded response is often a problem.
I started interrupting as soon as I started watching this video.